J
STATE RIGHTS DEMOCRAT
laalijilllTi'-rlirriiiriioi'mr; - ,
. . mi'l-'-S Or-' AoVt- .isi-fii.
I W iM J "a M f V ii fl V H
tinea' I 1 00 3 00 4 l0 UiP'T, I
1 In. . I J 00 ft so 7 Oli IS UJ n tti
Its. (X ! W la :';
4 io. . I 4 00 7 00 II it 1 (iv i . UK
X .Col. oo p. aQ is oo n e
H Cl.t IH 111! It 80 ISO SO 43 (ia
H CoL 10 00 15 00 a Oil 40 00 00 0
l Cm. it oo to oo o on oo m it te
If. V. BROWS.
C. B. STX7ABT.
...BROVVN & STEWART.
Pabllsbers and Proprietor.
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY.
OlOtST DEMOCRATIC PAPER IN OREGON.
OFFICE IN "DEMOCRAT" BUILDING.
TERMS, in snTaiioe i One jtr, 11 Six
nntbi. S2 : Three months, tl ; On. monlta, 60
tli; "iogle iwpies, izj cents.
rom'i'pondf'nts wriTinsrnvpriirWumwi iotr
. i.iri or anonymously, must mak known thHr
,f.l.mp. tn thf Editor, or no attention
'.V.rL. ffinnn tn thnlr tmmun.catlona.
Will LrD
I) II 8 1 N K 8 8 CARDS.
CIIAS. E. WOLVEBTOS,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT 1AW,
' ALBANY, OREGON. '" ; -
gyOfflee over t"e Albany Boot and Rhoe
Wore, on taw . ....... .-..-..-.
street. , "
B. HHITH.
LlBD Co.
Ccrvellis.
CHENOWETH 4. SMITrf. .
" ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Corvallis, Oregon. - :;
. e-OrFlcs at the Court House. 'vOu27
S. A. JOHNS,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ALBANY, OREGON.
7'Offioe tn the Court House."Va
v8uar.
J. A. VAUiTIS,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW
CORVALLIS, OREGON.
Will practice In all the Courts of the State.
SrOfilce In the Court House."
vlllnaiyl.
J..W. RAT BURN.
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
CORVALLIS. OREGON.
Special attention to collection of accounts,
ly ofito! one door Houth of Fishers Erlck."
vlllnSuyl.
.1. W. BALbWIIw
ATTORNEY & COUNSELOR AT LAW,
... . I -.... a, la. (ka Oil fir
W ill pnurtice in an uw w"'
. i.l 4th Judicial Districts; In the Supreme
in llnlturi Htiiti.B III..
rict mid Circuit Court. Office up-stalri in front
tiom In Porrish's brick block, First 6t., Albany,
ircifon. .
vSnlOyl.
GEO. R. HELM,
TTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW
Will practice in all the Court! uf thia State.
OFFICE: ALBANY, OREGON.
Nov. 11, 1870.
DR. T. W. HARRIS,
f'HYSICIAN 4. SURGEON,
ALBANY, OREGON.
iar Office In the front room over Rehwald's
new Iloot and tthou -store, ltesiaence, on
Fourth street. vtmlUf.
U. J. K01I.IITON, ITI. D.,
ALBANY, OREGON.
The Doctor la a graduato of the University
Medical College of New York, and Is a late
member of fie lcvue Hospital Medical College
of New York.
ovomce In Carothers' Drop: Store. Residence
on Fourth Street, opposite lir. Tate'a.
vlllnlltf.
U. B. RICE, 91. V.,
PHYSICIAN . & SURGEON,
ALBANY, OREGON,
Office on Main street, between Ferry and
Hroadalbin. Residence on Third street, two
blocks east, or below, the Methodist Church.
vSnliltf. -
O. P. S. PLI JI HEH, M. D.
DBALBU IK
Itrnga. Mpdirlnea, Perfri merles,
4. igHr. Tobarra, Ncbool
Hooka and Nln-
A full stock, of trains and surgical nppli-
ances.
aW Remember Plumrocr"
vlthiMyl.
IV. C. TIT KIC DALE,
I) KA I.Kit IN
GROCERIES, PROVISIONS.
TOBACCO, CIGARS, YANKEE NOTIONS.
Cstlorr, Orookery, Wood It Willow Ware
CALX AND SEE HIM.
Store on Front street, Albany, Oregon.
vOnttlyl.
BOOTS MADE TO ORDER
AT READOnABLs; BATH AT .
IIEWKT FL.IIVDT'SSHOP,
ALBANY, OREGON.
BT'Work warranted to glvn satisfaction. IB
, vHn&lf.
NEW
BARREK .SHOP !
L. B. SOYA. Ppprietr.
nAVINO LEASED A NEW SHOP ONE
door west ol box' lore, and Il up
In a ne. t and lasty raauut-r, 1 wilt be lilu. d
to have all my old outitomers oontinut! then
jMtroJiitKt aiid will guitfautre aaluiactlon to
sit new ones, f vitiultitl.
SAMUEL E. YOUNG.
Wholesale and Retail Dealer In
DRY . GOODS, CROt'KRIEa,
'iti4Tfisiijij Sovfji ASisy
HIIOEN. TIIHKHIIERM,
KEtPEUS A NO MOW
EKH, WAUONai. ;
PLOWH.bKCD
DRILLS
lad DuOADCAST SEED S01.EHS, Etc.
TERM8-0ABH.
Tint Et, AlUnj.
ALBANY BATH HOUSE I
THK i;ndkbsio'bu would rkspect
fnlly iafern lbs eitiivos of Albaay sad
aiaitjr ikat as hss tak.n ebargs of this fcit.bli.b
nt.d. by kaepinK slcaa reoais aad payiag
strict alUatioa to business, sipaels to salt ail
u" bias w;U their patroaaga.
Uariag hersiofuta earriad o onthina bai
Flrat-ClaM Hair Dresalng Saioonl,
a ( ..(j,. ,,i,r,tj0 t, .it
' ii-.ia aad Ladies' Hair eat! eat
a4.htjMMj. JOIKPII WgHBEH.
Tiailtf.
I SCREAaTcE CRUni.
J R. Hmlth has ined nit at Welsner's Ra-1
v rot. aod Is nnv pi.lv u a-rvw Hp to rua- :
t'rn.-r. v ttram. Nil ktn.ls of eaae. clriKr I
Pp and a,Mla. IVIvate puniew or rxeiirsluulata
aupplu-U ,m Hum aotm- at liberal rul'-a.
akouMf.
VOL. X. ALBANY. OREGON. FRIDAY, JUNE 4, 1875. SO. 43.
HOW HE WON HIS WIFE.
It was in the month of January., in
the year 18--. The lumps were
lighted in the gay city of faris.
Although still early in the evening,
it was quite dark, for the glodtn of a
stormy Winter night was gathering
over all. A youu' man, evidently
an artist, to judge by his appearance
and from s patrolio he sough t to pro
tect by his mantle, was seen to hurry
through the r alms Koyul ami on
toward the Latin Quaitier
He was lust about to pass the Ho
tel de Vi.le, when, jostled by one of
the pedestrians, his attention was
attracted by a woman. She stood
clone to the houses as though seeking
protection from their cold walls, Ab
each one hurried by she would tim
idly extend her hand; this action
alone expressed the muttered wish.
At length the urgent requirements
of her purpose seemed to stimulate
her to redoubled efforts, and step
ping, out from beneath the sheltering
eaves, she gently touched the artist
upon the arm, and in . low voice,
full of mortification, and distress,
said: "I am perishing for want of
food; be quick, lor even now my
mother mny be dying."
A watchman had lust ordered ner
to follow him, saying it was his duty
to nrrest all found begging; but the
artist interfered, averring that he
knew the young woman, whose un
feigned terror and evident gentility
had aroused his sympathy.
The request was spoken narsniv.
as though the heart, overstrained,
could bear no more. In an instant
a piece of gold lav in her hand.
tiocl bless you i was tne iervem
response. Tnen, without another
word, she turned and fled swiftly down
thestreet.. theartists oodand wa'ch-
ed her receding figure. Suddenly a
thought seemed to suggest ltseli to
her mind, for in an instant more she
had retraced her steps, and was again
beside him
"Your name?" she inquired,
breathlessly.
"What does it matter?" was the
careless rejoinder. .
"Quick, tell me vour name?" she
reiterated, nervously, the slender fin
gers tightening upon the arm she
bad clasped.
"Well then, if it must be so; re
member me as Clarion Diderot, an
artist, on whom neither angels nor
demons seem to smile, but whose
life will know at least one pleasant
recollection, and that is having serv
ed one in distress.
Days and months followed the
meeting just related. Once and once
only did Clarion thiuk he saw the
stranger who bad crossed his path.
One evening, as he was about to en
ter the house, he saw a woman stand
ing near the entrance. On seeing
him she bent forward, but as he ad
vanced to address her, she glided
away and disappeared. The follow
ing Winter a painting, on which he
had expended great cure and study,
was presented to the public, and it
was kindly received nd favorably
mentioned in all the leading jour
nals, and had been on exhibition but
a short time when it was purchased
by a dealer for. whom he waa una
ble to discover. .
From that moment fortune smiled
upon him, and b took his place
among the accepted talent. His pic
tures were sought for and bought as
rapidly as tbey could be painted.
A strange whim which to no one
would he explain, led him, although
wealthy, tn remain in the little room
which had been the scene of his
early struggles. Some comforts and
objects of luxury bad found their way
there, yet in appearance it had changed
but little, llio studio, so homely to
others, was dear 10 Diderot, nml
looked upon by him as the shrine of
the dream he still silently cherished
of sooner or later agaiu behol.ling
the woman who had bo oddly crossed
his path, leaving only a memory
which, like the refrain of a song or
the perfume of a flower might not be
forgotten.
Clarion was seen occasionally in
the gay circles of Paris, and as a ris
ing man, was smiled upon and en
couraged by many beautiful women.
None, bonever, possessed the power
to dispel the charm that bound bim
to untight but a seeming dream. At
length society grew distasteful, and
each
Oi
after
his (
madi '
the i
As hi
de 11
up fx
footn
and -oiling opened the door requeat
A Kim in antar Tn the coufusion
nf V mnment ha nlipvad. and found
iriniaanf i 4fca--pwiE-cl4ady -to
bim unknown.
Tl. llht-. rf tha nrriftjrA 1,-itnna
fell full upon her. Diderot waa seat
ed in the shade, and it being dark,
his features could not be distinguish
ed. 1 nat soma mistake naa occurred
was evident, yet how to explain be
knew not,
-T nuMv.i1 vnnr note." Bftid the
lady, but I cannot accept your
Iiieod s regret, i aepanu upou juu
to oTerWoma hit unwillingness to at
t.,,,1 mv rwention." she said earnest
ly; more earnestly than so great a
trine appeared lo aemuna.
I think madam, that there is
some mistake, I have written no note,
nor do 1 know whom I have the hon
or of addressing."
k l,Mlf tinrtrAjufl exclamation of
surprise followed by moment of
embarrassed alienee eucceeueu ma
np!.T-
"You will kindlv Detroit me, how
ever, to introduce myself, while offer
ing an apology lor an luiruaiun
arliirh onlr the sud Jen and unexpect-
A imitation to enter Tour carriage
can excuse. I am Clarion Diderot."
As be said then words the lady
bent forward and gazed eagerly in
his face.' In her largo, expressive
eyes there was a strange yearning.
"Diderot," she reiterated. "Clarion
Diderot." Her voice trembled as
she uttered the words, and its tone
awakened a thrill in the artist's heart.
As though actuated by a sudden
thought, she extended her. hand,
kindly saying:
"It is I who should offer excuses.
I mistook you for a friend I much
desire to see. Pardon the passing
annoyance."
She drew the check rein, and in a
moment more Diderot found him
self upon the sidewalk watching the
retreating carriage, and dreaming of
the, brilliant eyes of the singular
woman.
' Her voice had awakened a train of
thought which recalled a never-to-be-forgotten
circumstance; but contrast
ing the two women, the one seen,
with . the vision of the hour, he
laughed bitterly at the passing
thought that could tempt him to
think there could be any similarity
between two, and scoffed at the folly
that led him to cling to a hope which
each succeeding month rendered
more fallacious.
On the following morning, while
standing in the art gallery attending
to the banging of a picture which he
had just finished, Diderot was ac
costed bv a fellow artist, an old man,
who had in earlier days encouraged
and befriended him.
"Clarion, are you invited to lime,
de Camargo'a reception for to-night?"
he inquired.
"I am, but have declined," he re
plied. "I know your dislike for sooiety.
I have accepted, and feeling unwill
ing to go alone, I beg you to accom
pany me. I would have declined.
but the late Marquis de Camargo was
one oi my best friends, and bos
widow aesires my presence at this,
her first reception since the death of
the Marquis. Will you go, Diderot,
as a favor to met .
. A refusal was' upon tlie puinter's
lips, but a feeling of gratitude with
held the words, and so they parted
to meet again in the evening. When
Clarion entered the brilliantly-lii ht
ed rooms, quite, a number of guests
had assembled. Jjistlesxly he fol
lowed his companion, scarcely seem
ing to observe the surroundings,
and deaf to those who pronounced
his name with expressions of pleas
ure t meeting him.
It was not until he heard the name
of Mme. la Marquise de Camargo
pronounced that he raised his eyes.
One glance sufficed for him to recog
nize in her the lady he had met the
day previous. With a sweet smile
she offered her hand.
"M. Diderot and myself have met
before," she said, "and with an easy
grace und unembarrassed manner re
luted the meeting of the day previ
ous, adding, "l mistook mm lor a
gentleman who. having extended my
invitation for this evening to m. Di
derot, hud written to say it was de
clined, which regret I was not dis
posed to accept."
Clarion gazed at her eagerly; he
seemed to drink in each note of ber
melodious voice. He lingered at her
side, seldom Addressing her, but
watching mientlT
Occupied by bis thoughts and by
the strange fascination of la Marquise
be avoided the many acquaintances
who claimed his attention, and saun
tered through the rooms, his eyes
charmed with lbs exquisite objects of
art and luxury that adorned the apart
ments, seekingaquietcorneryvbere
while resting be could listen to the
music, Diderot at length lound bis
way to a little boudoir which opened
into a conservatory filled with rare
and exquisite plants. In this room
Mine, de Cam -rgo seemed to have
concentrated all that she could con
ceive to be beamiful. Blue carpets
that yielded noiselessly to each foot
fall; rich silk curtains ceroulean
hue were parted each side of the en
trance, before which hung a cloud of
luce; couches and reclining chairs of
the same soft hue; flowers arranged
in delicute stands of glass or silver;
here a marble Venus, there s parian
statue' te so perfectly moulded that
it seemed a very wonder of beauty,
and over all a happy mingling of
color, which;, together with the mel
low light that pervaded the room, as
it were, like a spell of bewildering
fiiitment.
Ii eyes wandered slowly from ob-
o object. At lengtb they rested
picture at the further end. Un
to distinguish it clearly, he rose
mining it moaecioseiy,anaiounu
i astonishment that it was one
it own productions. The one,
produced after his meeting
thai atranrrAr. who bv her touch
had laid a spejl upon his life. It
was the painting that bad won bim
fame. Time pasted.
jbjnngnJtY..of.tfo combined
twin of circumstances struck him
forcibly, and seating himself before
the picture he soon forgot all savo
the strange mystery.
Suddenly the rustle of a silk dress
attracted his attention, and raising bio
eyes be saw Mine, de Camargo. She
had entered the conservatory; the
back ground formed by the exotic
garden, together with the woman
herself, at once creating an exquisite
tableau. The very air seemed bush
ed, the sound of musie and dancing
hail died sway, and there was perfect
stillness. Bewildered, stirred with a
tremulous warmth, s sense of pleas
ure, a vague certainty of growing
love, be sat spell-boono bis speak
ing eyes full of mute inquiry riveted
upon ber. She stood in all the glory
of her wondrous beauty, the play of
onojiokeu thoughts and bidden feel
ing flufcbing her cheeks, and parting
bar lips, between which the white
teeth glistened.
"We cannot be strangers. Who
are you ?" inquired Diderot, in a deep,
full voice.
"Your friend," was the gentle re
sponse.
"Do not trine, be continued, ex-,
. , . . , . -
tending his bands. "Do not trifle.
even though you destroy my hopes
forever. Speak, for an unspoken
hope tells me who you are."
"It is a long story and the hour
late." -
Without heeding ber reply, be
gently took her hand and led her to
a seat. . A sweet smile flitted across
Marianne de Camsrgo's face as Bhe
noted the look of eager inquiry that
lent new fire to Clarion's eyes.
Xou know that X am Marianne de
Camargo, the widow of the Marquis
de Camargo."
"xes, but what more? the words
were spoken breathlessly, bis brow
and lips set as he bent toward her.
"X am coming to it. she said slow
ly. As she spoke the crimson tide
flooded her free and neck, and then
retreated, leaving her as white as the
marble Venus against which she lean
ed. Turning from him she continued :
"My father was a merchant in Ly
ons. Through misfortunes be lost
his wealth, and when I was about
sixteen years of age we removed to
Paris. V
But the tide of fate was against
him. For two years he strove with
a willing heart, but endless failures
crushed the life from him and he
died, leaving to my care an invalid
mother. Being almost penniless, we
were unable to return to Lyons,
where we had friends, and too proud
to make known our distress, I en
deavored to obtain work, but having
no influence, could not succeed.
"I saw that my mother was dying,
dying tor want oi actual necessities.
One night after a day of keen priva
tion, I determined to solicit alms,
and making some excuse I hurried
out. It was almost dark and pierc
ingly cold and stormy, I drew my
vail close around me. At first I
shrank from observation, and fuintly
whispered my request. One by one
the people passed me by, but the
thought of my suffering mother urg
ed me on. I hastened to address a
stranger I saw approaching. As I
did so my arm was rudely gruBped by
one of the night guards. Trembling
with fear I leaned toward the stran
ger, who kindly drew my arm within
his own, and led me away. To be
brief, he gave me alms gold. It
seemed to burn me as it touched my
hand, and yet I felt it to be a talis
man. His words fell like a sweet
balm."
As she spoke, Diderot bent over
ber; the great Jove that was an him,
trembltil for utterance; his dark eyes
, . . i ii i. i i.
uuruirjg lino tiers as tnouga BeeKing
a response. Without appearing to
observe mm, she continued:
"In a moment more, I was hurry
ing down the dark street, the proof
ot the strangers kindness olnsped
tight in my hand... He had disap
peared, but his name was known to
me. On reaching home I found one
application had been answered-a
posiiion in a large store had been of
fered me, with an advance of salary
which I accepted, and the gold coin
given I treasured "
I had been with my employer but a
month, when the Marquis de Camar
go met me. He heard my story from
others, become interested, and finally
offered the protecti n of a father to
gether, with bis proud name. He
was an old man and honorable. ' For
the sake, of my' feeble mother I ac
cepted, and but a brief space of time
elapsed ere she died, blessing me
with ber latest breath. Her death
was soon followed by that of the
Marquis, and I was, although rich in
worldly wealth, nevertheless alone in
the world.1'
"And the stranger you speak of,
did you never see him after that one
night?" inquired Clairob huskily. '
"Yes, one evening prior to my mar
riage, as I was returning from the
store, I met him. Unseen I followed,
but approaching too near, he saw me
and I fled." :
"I remember," be replied eogerly;
and since your marriage have you
never thought of him?"
"Since my marriage," she reitera
ted thoughtfully, "I have in gratitude
watched over bim, and through the
influence my position could com
mand have endeavored to further bis
success."
"Orati'ude! only gratitudel So
fades my dream," murmured the
anxious listener, a cold smile curled
his lips, und the throbbing of his
heart was almost uuilible. The bright
light bad faded in bis eyes, bis white
lips quivered painfully, and as he
strove to rise bis strong frame shook
with emotion , and his words of fare
well were inaudible. As Diderot was
about to leave the room, be beard bis
name softly spoken.
Clairou!" There was a wealth of
meaning in tbe one word.
Turning quickly, be beheld ber
standing with her arms extended,
her tearful eyes riveted upon bim, as
though yearning (p speak that which
trembb-d Uiu his lips.
"Clairoul Clairon!"
He stood motionless, his whole be
ing flooded with ioy. That she loved
bim be could no longer doubt; this
the quick rise and full of ber bosom
and tbe soft light in ber half veiled
eyes proclaimed. All pride was for
gotten in the thought that ba was
leaving ber,
"Marianne, speak," be murmured.
"Dare I believe that you love me?"
His whole soul seemed to bang upon
ber answer.
"I love you," she whispered "and
have loved you all these years." The
sound did not break tbe stillness of
the room, but tbe ear strained to catib
even a breath, bad heard, and the
strong arms folded ber close to the
heart that bad been true to its one
dream.
A yard stick is very noeful in a
ature; s otick in s tumbler is some
times in danger of making: tbs side
walk uneven to edest'lan; a aiick
of a husband or wife is apt to be
mm b longer than is ilesireil, and s
lick full of matter is tbs commonest
tiling read in newspapers.
SPEULINQ "INDIAN."
An impromptu spelling school was
inaugurated in Merrill's grocery one
Saturday evening. A young man,
who, last winter, aided Mr. Couch in
the management of the North Centre
School, conducting the class. The
first word he gave out was Indian.
The first man said : " I-n , in , d-i-n ,
din-Indin," ,
Tbe teacher shook his head. "Well
I declare, I tbot I bad it," said the
speller, with keen disappointment;
but be picked up when the second
man started, and eyed him with con
siderable anxiety.
The next man with desperate arn-
estness, said, "I-n in, d-e, de, u-n
Indeun."
Then he sighed and gazed anxious
ly at the teachr, while the old party
at the end of the bench, who was
watching tbe efforts with derisive
amusement, turned the quid in bis
mouth, and said:
"You ain't in a rod on t; but go on;
let's su more try."
Tbe teacher told the second speller
that he also bad failed, whereupon he
sighed again.
The third man took hold. He
squared himself upon bis seat, and
holding up one finger ticked off the
letters with becoming solemuity as
follows: "I-n in, d-d-d-a, da, i-n in,
Indian."
The old party on the end of the
benoh. who had been teetering on
the precipioe of a laugh while this
effort was being put forih, snickered
right out in a loud guHaw at its con
clusion.
"Well, that's a spell for you, I
mus aav. And be laughed again
The speller said nothing, but he
grew red in tbe face when bis luiiure
was announced, and cast a baneful
glance at the old party, whose turn
had now come, and wbo said:
"You people should keep away
from Ohio, you should. And now I'll
tackle that little word, " and he smiled
all over bis face and bis eyes twinkled
with merriment, and looking sideways
from one door to tbe other, he rapid
ly spelled
' "I-n. in. g-i-n, gin, Ingin."
. His smile deepened into a broad
grin as he watched the chagrin flush
to tbe countenance of the otber spell
ers, who had been misled all the time
on a wrong pronunciation of the word.
He was grinning with all his might
when the teacher said:
, "You ain't got the right word'"
"Wb-a-ot?" and he bore down on
the brazen-faced young man a look
calculated to freeze him to the bone.
"Indian is the word. There is
no such a word as Ingin," said the
teacher.
"O, there isn't (sarcastically)? You
Know of course. You know all abor.t it
you pimply "
"But my dear sir, I "
"You needn't apologize to me,"
shouted tbe old party, stamping the
floor wilh his cane. "Who bo you,
anyway, putting on your airs about
me? I could twist your scrawny neck
off of you in two minutes, you white
livered puppy, you."
"But my dear sir, lot me ex
"It isn't Ingin, is it," ground out
the old man between his terth. "It's
something else, I suppose. O, yes!
you know of course. And a nice one
you with your eddicntion. Why don't
your mother send back them apples
she borrowed a month agor and be
looked around the store with a trium
phant glare of sarcasm.
joui jusi near me
' "Hesryou! Who are you, anyway?
What's your father; when's be drawed
a sober breath, I'd like to know? And
where s your amort brother Bi-u? In
prison somewhere, I'll be hound. O,
I know your hull family like a book.
And a wuss lot than they are can't be
found in the neighborhood, and just
put that in your pipe and smoke it,
you egregious ass. Xul to me about
Ipeilin;" and the old man, stamping
bis cane again, stalked passionately
out of the store
Tbe lesson was then postponed.
A Pbopheoy. The ' gossip" man of
the Louisville Courier Journal has
taken to prophecy and this is the re
sult: Prognostications for 187C : Aboli
tion of the office of President of the
United States. Sheridan will resign
and buy a farm in Owen county, Ky.
Urant will be thrown from his buggy
and fatally injured in Missouri. Jus.
(iordon ileiine' twill be devoured by
an escaped rhinoceros. An Indian
will scalp the Governor of Texas.
Peace at length throughout tbe South,
and the cotton crop reduced to Sl.ftOO,-
000 bales. Dix will bring in one
hundred snipe. X nomas Must and
Andrew Johnson will shake bands
across a bottle oi Wintersmith s Bu
chu. Forney will throw himself from
the tower of the centennial building
breaking bis jiecaLa. One of Deacon
Smith's ..irrtnenjwiU di. George
W. Cbilda will be elected l'oet lau
reate. Commodore Vanderbuilt will
buy Canada. Brownlow will fight a
duel with old Bill Stokes. Hoaviest
grain crops ever known.
HlflTollIt; pursllels Thia U the
second "Elizabethan Age." In the
former time many a gallant knight
seized his lance and tilted to please
Elizabeth. To-day equally brave
champions lance Tiltoii fur the
same purpose. The nnrnenl time also
instituted the "Elizabethan rulf,'
while the present age is rough on
Elizabeth.
"It is not our fault," says a Mil
waukee eilitor. "that wears red head
ed and small, and the oeil time
that, one of those oiergrown rural
roostero in a ball room reaches down
for oar bead and suggests that some
fellow baa loots romi bud out of his
button hols, there will bo trouble."
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by s young person
wbo baa burnt all her bair off her
fore Ileal with a hot slate pencil and
cannot afford to buy a row of rurlo.
SUSAN . ANTHONY.
Can any of you gentlemen tell
what the "B" stands for in Susan B.
Anthony's name? St. iouis Hep.
As tbe "XT is after Susan, pernaps
it wants to extract honey from her
lips. Christian Observer.
But as the "XV' is before Anthony
what can it be for? Cotitinental Dam
JiuiUler Organ.
The "XJ in question is tbe impera
tive mood, and command is uttered
in this shape: Susan B. Anthony, and
never be anything else. JSducational
Journal.
It is believed in Brooklyn that
Theodore Tilton- is responsible or
that "B." When somebody told ber
to get out of his lap he remarked,"
"Let Susan XJI Ifmolelyn nagie.
The Globe prints these opinions to
show what a vast amount of misfor
tune can exist concerning a simple
matter. It is consoling to know that
Susan B. will continue to be long af
ter these editorial bees have ceased
to buzz. Tho "B" in her middle
name aocording to the inscription
on tho Moabite stone but we can't
think of it at this minute. Bmton
Globe.
It is so curious that so plain a ques
tion is in such a muddle, Geutlemen
you all mistake the point. The young
lady was dissatisfied with plain Susan,
and wished to . B Anthony. Xhe
peouliarty of this particular "B" is
that is B-fore Anthony, B-hind Susan
and B-tween both. To effectually
disDose of this important Question
we Buggest that it be referred to the
next North American Bee-keeper's
convent iou . ruttburg Uhron u-le.
If you will let Susan "B," gentle
men, she will still "B" Anthony,
which might be more congenial to
her tastes than "B"-ing Bennett,
Brown, Beecber, or any other man.
Perhaps not. ifvKeenport Time.
We are satisfied to let Susan B An
thony as long as she desires. She
has long solved the question of "To
be or not to be," in ber own way long
since. Detroit Commercial Adver
tiser. We go a guess that it was to put
more capital between busan and An
thony which would B natural, in
case Susan bad no other capital. Of
course Susan meant business -with
Anthony. illvio Your JJugle.
All this nonsense about bees leads
us to propouud the conundrum? If a
man has a Bee by the tail which would
B the safest to bold on or to let go.
American Journal.
If B stood for Bull instead of bee,
it would be safer to "bang on to the
tail." To prove it we call Southwick
Waterman to tbe stand. in Hoy Oa-
lette.
If you fellows don't want to get a
lively sting you just better beware of
the reckless way in which you lay
hold of Susan's middle 'B." B gora,
she is liable to B-labor some of you.
TUB DKIfKNOAiNT AND UIS WIVC
He has the last Scribner in his hand
and, cutting the leaves, he talks to
tbe lawyers in front of bim. Ucech-
er has grown thin in three days act
ually thin, ilis hair, so long and
sparse, trickles in an aged way behind
his ears, but bis face is not old. The
exceeding long, straight upper lip
looks swelled, und the young peculiar
bull-froggy bulge about the eyes is
still greater, but the eyes are bright
and the complexion young, and his
smiling moulb shows good teeth, not
of Dr. Skinner s manufacture. Mrs.
Beecber is small and white as a rab
bit. Her skin is marvously white
and her hair is snow itself. She
wear more clothes than a doorwuy
in Chatham street. She divests bor-
solf of wraps and woolou things and
knit things, and finally sits confessed
the severe Spartan spouse in all her
glory. She takes ott her bonnot, be
neath which is a close cap of black
lace and blue silk androids the bat
in her band.
Contemporaneous with tbe suspen
sion of navigation and the resump
tion of pedestrianism on the part of
Noab and bis family was tbe creation
of that bonnet. A regular farowell
vain-world frame is tbe foundation
wberoupon is stretnbed velvet by tbe
yard. No slougu oi a bat is tbe
Beecber hat. It s as good as a chaise
top, and only lacks the wheels, Any
way it gives great dignity of carriage
to Mrs. Boecher, and affords ber
much solicitude during tbe trial, If
anything brings Beecber through this
ordeal it won't be legal acumen or
pluck, or cheek, though there s lot s
of it, but it will be tbe sustaining, un
faltering support of that bonnet,
which ia a sort of millinery tow-line,
a block velvot beacon, a veritable
capillary cocktail. I'd go to battle
wun mat oonnei quicker man a wins.
Ukavaii.iko Sorsow. When Mr.
Blank lost bis wife be lay down on
.lie. u.'.M!'-.i If. e.yn. ..hours without. M
teruiiaaioii, except for meals, be beat
tbe carpet vehemently with his hoot-
heels, and cried: "What aboil X do?
When bis elderly servant mildly said,
"She's in a better place," be beat the
ground still more violently, and roar
ed more piteously than ever Still
nothing seemed to come of it, echo
merely sent his wild question back
again upon bis swelling heart. In
sympathetic tone his faithful attend
not warned bim that he would wear
himself out, whereat he becamo in
consolable, and frantically exclaimed:
"What shall I do?" The elderly
woman advised bim to look out of
tbe window awhile. He looked out
and in six months be was a newly
marned man; bis neighbor, wbo bad
sustained a similar loss, never groan
ed and nevit mirried again.
A Rhode Island woman save that
sho d rather have the nightmare seven
straight nights than tell ber husband
that the flour barrel is empty.
Rhode Island bristles with spell
ing matches. Home of the diction
ary words reach clear across the
State.
THK RKV. HAMMOND AS A -P01CK.'
The Rev. Mr. Hammond is a revi
valist of religion, not of poetry.
With heavenly aid be can make the
wayward sinner turn, but though all
the muses lend bim grace, he foils to
cheer the jaded reader with his miles
of blank verse. Mr. Hammond baa
given to the world a metrical account
of his wedding trip to the Holy Land,
and though
"They were written eon amore, '
Homo by sparkling "harpar's waters,"
the verses have none of that magnet
ic effect which attends the personal
appeals of tbe distinguished divine.
Lake tbe good Moody, Brother
Hammond jerks sin out of a sinner
with neatness and dispatch, but on
Mount ParnasBus he is the veriest
pigmy. Let us quote a passage:
When at length the eager pilgnma ,
Rtood beside tho m&alve pyramids.
Oh how different seemed their aspect
From their appearances In the dlstuuoot
Cheops claimed their first attention,
Covering at least fifteen aores.
Towering, Ot how hiKh toward heaven!
Then arose the Important question
Who'll asoeud the topmost summit.
O'er these steps three feet In thlckne s?
Htannrlna, maid of Flnrcnoe,
Quickly snld : "Yes, I will do It."
Ida, from the Slusquohanna,
Full ol soul, said ; "I will do It."
Edward thus waa much delighted '
With bis wife, so energetlo.
Who waa ready to go with nlm
To tha top of giant Cheopa, (
In form this verse is something like
"Hiawotha,"but only in form. We
think that Brother Hammond might
have greatly improved his description
of this visit to the pyramids, if, after
.i . , . . , i . .
prayenut consideration, ne naa Dade
the tuneful nine turn tail, while be
made use of simpler prose. . It would
then have read: "At near view the
aspect of the pyramids was different
from their appearance in the distance.
Cheops, which the pilgrims first ex
amined, covered at least fifteen acres
and is very high. The writer deter
mined to ascend to the summit, and
was much delighted that bis wife and
a lady from Florence determined to
accompany bim. XSut it is too much
to expect a man, even a white-choker.
to refrain from gush upon his wedding-tour.
There is a power of grace
in Brother Hammond, and we bare
no doubt of his ultimate salvation,
but at the last dsy, before final judg
ment ia pronounoed, that book will
cause bim a heap of uneasiness.
Chicago Times.
llao. Simmons preached a sermon
last Sunday nt the First Methodist
Church, which contained many excel
lent points on Family Government.
Iiro. Simmons takes tbe old-fashioned
aenaible side of the nuesLinn. belinv-
itig that the husband is the heoii of
the household, snd that tho children
should be compelled to render obedi
ence. Peace in the family was a neo
essary requisite for happineao, and
peace cannot be obtained where chil
dren brawl and women scold. The
husband when ho comes home at
night, tired out, nervous and harass
ed Willi the perplexities incident lo
business needs rest y et if he meets
a scolding wife and ill-humored chil
dren he involtinttrily wiahea hiinsol
in any oilier place,
isi-i). Simmons eonliuueil to some
length in a similar strain and surprised
mny of his hearers by his plain prsu
liusl, uiiiuiiion-aense view ot the ub-
iuct.
It preaohers would devote more
attention to the subjuels which they
know omethinif about snd oeaoe
throwing out their dry theological
husks tor people to feed upon, they
would innreaau tits number ot their
hearers and do more good in their
day and generation. Uttumua Dtm
ocral.
Modoos T Cutnicii. We were really
beginning to think that the Modocs
had been made in vain, but it seems
u o wore mistaken. They can be util
ized to give boys lessons ia deport
ment. A Lotington, Ky., paper
savs: "Several of the Modoo Indians
attended the Baptist Church last Sun
day morning. A gang of Lexington
boys were seated before them, wbo
turned to stare at tbem, and contin
ued the staring process until it be
came unendurable One the Iudians
took A boy's bead gently in his hands
and turned it toward the minister,
giving a significant gesture to the
other bovs at the same lime. It was
enough, tbe boys listened to tbe
preacher, and loft off staring opera
tions." An aged coup's on Wooster olrest
ore very fond of uheokers, and plsy
quite frequently. When he boots at
llio gome ohs loses her temper and
deolareo she will not play again. It
vexes bim to have her act so, bat bo
controls the irritation snd talks to ber
shout it. lie telle her how wrong it
io lor people at their age in life to be
disturbed by such tiitjeo, and showo
nor oo elearly the fully of ouch a oouroe
snd returns to the gams, snd plays it
so well that she beats him. ihen be
throws I he checkers in one direction
and kicks the bnsrdo in onother and
'wrys he"w iil'ttrvinrwy-ariiJrsiiy-uoily-i
who cheats so alnredly, and otalka
moodily to bed, leaving her to pick
up tne tilings.
Said s colored Georgia preacher:
Dar.a rnbbin' and atealin' all around.
Dor'o da lieecher buoineos, de Wood
hull btialness, Sumner is dead, torna
does come whoopm around, de Freed
man's Bank has busted, snd It 'pears
so if de end was nigh, mighty cliisst
at band.
Shu uoed to keep bits of broken
cbina and crockery piled up in a con
venient corner of the closet, and when
a.ked ber reason tor preserving such
domestic lumber, she shot a fund
glance st her husband, and merely re
marked: "He knows what them,s tor."
A vounir ladv of Michicsn svsnua
dismissed ber lover because ho kept
ber so long on the steps to say good
by one night that she took cold.
Love that might outlive a fever will
often succumb to a cold in the head
A bad thing to put up with An
linarcommodiiftng landlord.
Bunnem notices In tha Local Column.
21) cents per line.
For legal and transient etlver!ineit,
ft 00 per square of 12 line, t.yf tt. nrrt
Insertion, and 60 cents per aqtuure- for eaca
aubsequent insertion. - -
FBOH BAST TO WEST.
bv epsAM coounns. -
The boat east loose her moorlnxa :
"Good-bye" waa all wa aatd. . - .
Oood-bye, Old World." wa said with a Halls
And none looked back as wa sped
a shining wake of foam behind-
To the heart of tha auuaet red.
Heavily drove our plunging keel
The warring wavea betweenv
Heavily strove we night and day
Against tha West Wind keen.
Bout, like a foe, to bar our path -
A foe with an awful ueln.
Never a token met our eyes '
From the dear land far away.
Nostorm-avept bird, no drifting branch
To tell us where It lay.
Wearily searched we, hour by hour.
Through the mist and driving apray,
Till, all In a flaahlng moment, '
The fog-veils rent and Sew,
And a blithesome South Wind caught the sella
And whtatted tha oordage through, .-'
And the atara swung low their alivor lamps
Io a dome of airy blue.
And, breathed from unease distances. '.
A near and Joyous air
Ciauwd our senses suddenly
With a rapture freah aad rare. ,
It la the breath of home 1" we cried ;
Wa feel that wo are there."
0 iAnd whose tent-roof la the doma
Of Heaven puree! aky, -
Whose mtghty bean Inspires tha wind
Ot glad, atrong liberty.
Standing upon thy sunaet shore.
Beside ttie water high, . -
Long may tby rosy ssalla he bright i
Above tbe ocean din -
Tbe young, undaunted Tolas be heard.
Calling tho whole world kin,
And ever be thy arras held out
To lake tha storm-tossed tn f :!..', :
, l-.-gfa ,.:
CMSOaUNIlS.
A moving tail hungry dng'o,
The end of everything the letter g.
Can you opell oonsent in three let-
)
tors? Y e-o.
Even the laciest bay can sometimes
catch a shipping. :
How muoh does a fool weigh gen
erally? A simple ton, :
Tho only suits that loot longer lhari
yoti want are lawsuits.
Tittle for a flve-eent savings bank
the St. Niokleas. Matt.
At twice eleven are twenty-two
how can twice ten be twenty, too.
"That beats awl"exolaimed a shoe
maker as he looked at a shoe making
machine.
It is estimated that every pauper
in San Antonio, Texas, owns about
oeven dogs.
What did the spider do whou he
earns out of tbs srk? He look a fly
and went hoir.i. 1 '
An Irish editor says ho can ses no
earthly reason why women should
not be allowed to become mediae! men.
What Is tbe difference between a .
belle and a burglar? Tie bells carries
false locks, sud the burglar false keys.
Wilh care a men can walk upright
ly. One wbo io on the alert will not
be found on the orange peel. Mail.
"1 am bound to have my righis."
as the man said lo the shoemaker who
had sold him a pair of booto, both
lefts. . . :
Enterprise. The Chicago . Tuuo
suld iwenty thousand extra copies on
ths strength of the editor's going to
jail. '--:: ' ''
YY lien Agassis was pressed to de
liver a lecture for payj tie replied: "I
cannot afford to waste my lime for
money." , it.
Love is sod tu be blind, but I kno
lots of pbellows in love wbo can see
twice so muoh in llicr galls ao 1 kao.
Joth Billing:
Story, the ooulptor, is making e
sensation in Floreneo, Italy, by bis
impersonation ot Shylock, who was
aloo a ohiooler. Mail
K Gentleman observing ths oiga of
"Caswell" upon s business establish
ment, remarked thst it would be "as
wsll without the-C." Mail.
They wondered at the short oollee
tlon in a Miaoouri church, and invea
tigsted to find that ouo of the collec
tors had tar in tbe top of bis bit.
''Io this the Adams House?" asked
a stranger ot Bostonian. ''Yes,"
was the reply, "it's Adam's House
until you get to the roof, then it's
oaves,"
A traveler called for ininl-ootwe at
hotel lbs other day, and tha waiter
said they had none, adding "Our wok
makes sll the mime into pies, not
eauoe."
Why eall him "groom'' as sight out
of ten people do? A groom's buoineos
is to look after horses. A brides
srooro's buoiness is to look after his
wile's mother.
"Lord, make as trnly thsokful for
whst ws sre about to receive these
hioouito ain't fitten for a dog to eat,"
io the way a certain Monroe, Ls , was
asks A bleooisg.
iVTOfltTtmsrioan
com-nenoed reading the newspapers,
asked his fsthsr if ths word "lion."
profiled to the nam of a member of
Congress, meant "honest."
A little four yesr old wok up very
esrly ono morning, sod losing the full
moon from tbe window, he innocent
ly remsrked: "I ohould think it was
about time for Dod to tske thannoon
in."
A person was told thst three yards
of cloth, by being wet, would shrink
one-quarter of a yard. "Well, then,"
he inquired, "It you should wet a
quarter of a yard, would there be r
left?"
"My dear," said s husbanJ, in of ,n t
led tones, after waking lis wiio in Oi
middle ot the night, "I have iniloe
ed a tlooe of olryohniue!" " Weil, ifeeo
do for goodness sake lie still, or it
may coma up."
When are otookins'O like dtif! men?
Whm they are nsou utd, or, ,
whan their soles are d- v i r
again, when they sre all m i
when tbey are in too toe, '
thsy are pat liwl v -. o.-, v i
are no lnnrr nn tl '- ! 1