RA'CSS Ol' ApVBKTISl
!
-. 1 W 1 M f 8flt ' r.
ITfi BIGHTS DEMOCRAT
tt'iiitujj i.OP 3H0 i On , 9 (
2 In. I 2 00 5 00 7 00 1! t
l,vnir a o mi ni mi 15 (
In:" f 4 Od "t flfl IS 0 18 I
Col. 6 00 ,9 00 15 00 25 I
CI. 7 60 12 00 IS an .10 I
Col. , 10, 00 15 00 23 00 40 01
lCol.J Iff 00 20 00 40 00 80 tlO
.ofST DEMOCRATIC PAPER IN OREGON.
I rVBUSRKD BTIRT TRIBAT, BT
MART. V. BROWN.
TICE IN PARRISH'S BLOCK. FIRST STREET
TERMS, in abtac t- On year, 3 ! Six
wlhi, $2 Throe months, 1 1 One month, 0
nisi Jingle Copies, 12i oeuts. '
Correspondents irrltinn over assumed sifna
res or anonymously, must make known their
o.i-r nemos to the Editor, or no attention will
pi' en to their communication!.
BUSINESS CARDS f
J. (.OOSKEY,
SRCHANT TAILOR,
ttponed a flrst-claMtntlnr shop In Albany,
frunts customers. CnHslmeri'R, Cloths, Ac,
41 ly mod; into suits of the latest stylet.
v8n2Btf.
, t
. If. SMITH.
Lion Co.
A. cnsnuWETB.
Jai-Tfttlh). 1 ' . ' '
CHENOWETH & SMITH.
TTORNEYS AT LAW,
; i. CorvaUit, Oregon.
3? ! -Officb at tho Court Ilouae. T6n27
JOHK J. WIIITXEY,
TO&NEY AM COUNSELOR AT LAW
' and Notary Public.
oolal attentions given to collection.
H-imch Up atairs in Parrisli'a brick,
iib-vny, Oregon. v3nS3tf.
&i, JONES. I J. x. nu
JOA'ES & HILL,
1IYSICIANS & SURGEONS
4 ALBANY, OREGON.
VOL. IX.
ALBANY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MAY 8, 1874.
.NO. 39
MY DEAF AUNT'S DEAF LOVER.
DY ELLA II. HALPINE.
S. A. JOHNS,
IJTOENEY AT LAW,
ALBANY, OREGON.
tyOfflco in the Court House."l
. . . V8n2tl.
)0TS MADE TO ORDER
s 'j, AT REASONABLE RATES AT
LRY FLINT'S SEGP,
f ALBANY, OREGON.
"Work warranted to pive aatisfac;tion."
4 vSn&tf.
A, W. GAMBLE, Iff. D.,
Il'SIClAN Ac-Sl'ItGEOX,
ALBANY, OREGON.
floe on Mnin street, one door wost of Weed's
i-ry More. Residence at the late residence
i-ortre Patterson near the Star Brewery.
.n. lath, io7i. ' vtn2r.
J1.B..KECE,S9L.D.,
YSICIAN & SURGEON,
j ALBANY, OREGON,
!!ee on Mnin street, between Ferry find
id.ibtn. Hesicli'nce on Third etre.-t, two
kfl cast, or below, tlie Methodist Church.
-J,
J. W. BALBWJN,
ORKEY & COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ill practice In all the Courts in tbfl 2d, Sd
4th Judicial Districts ; in the Supreme
tof Orfpnn, and in the United States LHs
and Circuit Court. Olllce up-ftairs in front
in Parrish's brick block, First St.. Albany,
on. vsnlDyl.
DR. E. O. SHITH,
ffl II V it J!
ALBANY, OREGON.
TICE. Two doors en st of Conner's Bank.
vOnlltt.
; GEO. R. HELM,
ORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW
ill practice in all the Courts of this State.
1 OFFICE : ALBANY, OREGON.
i ' Not. 11, mo,
' HABKIS. H. J. HOUGHTON.
HARRIS & BOCKHTOW,
YSlfelANS & SURGEONS,
'. ALBANY, OREGON. .
'Offlce'on Main street, over A. Corothers'
I.- Dr. Harris's residi-uei', on fourth street.
blocks west ot court House, Dr. IKmKn
residonce, on Fourth street, opposite ur.
'a. . v'Jnlltl
ST. CHARLES HOTEL,
NER FRONT AND WASHINGTON STS.,
ALBANY, OREGON.
5. LUBOIS. - PROPRIETOR.
is house the most commodious in the
ittuie suppiiea wun win ix'st me marKi'i
ds. Krue couch to the houne. Halo tor
bide. Office of Corvfillis SLae Company.
vKn'JlJU.
G. F. SETTLEMiER, ,
uggist and Apothecary!
BALER IN DRUGS, MEOICINES, OILS,
Paints, Window Mass, hyestuils, Liquors,
y Soaps, Brushes, Perluinoriofl, Ac.
escriptiom Carefully Compounded.
: art cles and Brags in oar line warranted
best quality.
st street, fust Office building, Albany.
:' , jullovin-lSyl
ALBANY BATH HOUSE!
E UNDERSIGNED WOULD RESPECT
ful,T inform the ciiinons of Albany and vi-
that be baa taken charge of thii Estabtiih-
,and, by keeping clean rooms ana paying
attention to bnsineit, expects to suit all
who may favor him with their patronage.
ig heretofore earned on nothing bat
rst-CIass Hair Dressing Saloons,
:fcts to gire entire satiNfaction to all.
r"Childien and Ladies' Hair neat It eat
bampooed. JOSEPU WEBBER.
rSnSStf.
DR. Cr. TV. RAV,
ALBANY, OREGON.
PICE IN PARRTHITS BRTCK BIM'K,
orn-ir of First and Ferry strpf-ts. Ottico
fmni 8 to Li o'clock a. m., from 1 to 5
k p. M.
idenee: Corner Fifth and Ferry streets.
m. RICHTER & C0.
110NABLE BOOT MAKER !
ALBAST, OREGON.
'r RF ASDNAm.E AND WORK WAR-t.-d.
Rpnirtnr wrompti and sat.trtac
iie at sbjufteat notice nljtt.
"For mercy sakel.Evelyn, do come
to the window quick, and tell me who
is this antiquated specimen of human
ity that has stopped just outside the
burnt Jerome! He is actually
getting off his horso to come in;
quick, Evelyn, who is he?"
' lhat, said i-velyn, cominp; near
er to the window, "why, Kitty, that
is old Simon Hornet"
"And who. in the name of wonder.
is old Siinou Hornet?" I inqnred.
"O, he's u wonder, and the very
oldest mortal you ever saw. He lives
just over the hill, in that little old
lushioned red house Unit I pointed to
you yesterday, when we were riding
horseback."
I should have guessed as much,"
I replied; "the house looks as though
it was built some time before, the
flood, and old Siinoa Hornet, as
you oall him, looks comical enough
to be fatner JNoan iumselt. ilut
what on earth can the droll old fel
low be cmin(j here after?" -
'Ah, that s the funniest of it,"
laughed Evelyn. "You Bee, Kitty,
he's lived there nearly twenty vears,
and nover stepped his foot inside of
our house till tnree mourns ago, and
now he stops here almost, every time
he goes past, on his way to town.--For
a long time we couldn't imagine
what it meant, till all at once we dis
covered it s Aunt barah he s after,
"Aunt oaralU I exclaimed, per
fectly astonished. "Aunt haranl
re-echoed Jane, and Hebecea, and
Ilichard, and Harry, as they all
rushed to the window to catch a view
of the audacious personage who
threatened to "molest tho ancient
solitary reign" of our venerable and
highly respected aunt. '
We that is, myself, and the said
Eichard. Harry, Rebecca and Jane
had just got home from school. 1 We
had been away nearly three months,
and had, of course, on our return
lots of news to learn about matters
and things at home and in the neigh
borhood. But nothing we had henrd
had so completely astonished us as
the fact of Aunt Sarah's having a
lover.
Aunt Sarah had been a fixture in
the family ever since my earliest re
membrance. Sho was very tall and
very straight, very eccentric and very
deaf. She was moreover, extremely
averse to all society except her own,
which she seeAcd to enjoy vastly; for
many a time I have watched her with
childish awe, is she would sit in her
rocking-chair knitting, and all the
while talking to herself as busily, (as
uncle used to say) "as ten bumble
bees in a pumpkin blossom."
Sometimes I used to' ask her who
she was talking to, but this enquiry
always offended her, and as I was in
variably sent down stairs as a pun
ishment for my inquisitiveness, I
soon learned the policy 0 repressing
my curiosity. '
Mr. Simon Hornet' was also very
tall and thin. We watched him with
breathless interest, while he fastened
his sorrel-colored nag to a tree outr
side of the fence, and then opening
the gate proceeded with slow and
solemn steps across the lawn to tho
side entrance.
Like old Grimes, "he wore a long
blue coat all buttoned down before,"
with bright brass buttons. . The bot
tom of his snuif-colored pints tucked
carefully into his boots, and on his
head he wore a "stove-pipe" hat,
pitched back from his brow in such a
manner as to bear a striking resem
blance to a leaning chimney. He
wore around his throat a white cra
vat, tied in front with a double bow
knot, and in his hand he carried a
heavy whip, which, regardless Of the
bell, he applied to the door with
thundering force.
"Come, Kitty, you must go to the
door," said Evelyn; "for Margaret
can never make him hear in the
world."
"Not hear!" I exclaimed in amaze
ment, "what, he isn't deaf, is he?"
"Yes, deaf as a post," laughed
Evelyn. "But there, he's commenced
knocking again! Eun quick, Kitty,
or he will batter tho door down."
Away I flew, and in a moment la
ter stood vis-a-vis with Aunt Sarah's
nondescript suitor.
"Is yur Aunt Sarah about hum?"
he enquired, stretching his neck for
ward and raising one hand to his ear,
the better to her my reply.
"Yes, sir; will you walk in ?"
"Ain't in, hey? Expect her back
before long?"
"I asked you if you would walk in
and take a seat," 1 replied, raising
my voice.
"O! coming back in a week?"
"I say, sir, she it at home. Will
you please to walk in and take a Beat
in the sitting room ?" I fairly scream
ed, turning purple in the face with
the exertion; while a suppressed
laugh from the adjoining room warned
me that my companions were highly
enjoying my embarrassment.
"Ho, ha!" he exclaimed, finally
comprehending; ' thank ye mum.
don't keer ef I dew. Swnttime, I'm a
leelle hard o hearing.
"No mistake about that," thinks I
to myself, as I returned to the draw
ing room. '
"Bravo! Kittv, you did first-rate."
exclaimed Richard; "I really had no
idea your lungs were so strong. I'p
on my word, I believe he is dealer
than Aunt Sarah."
I shoidd judge they were just
about on a par in that respect,"
laughed Harry. "By George! it's
a most capital match."
iiut at all events, 1 remarked,
'there is one difference; for he frank
ly owns up to being a ketle bard, o'
hearing, but you never could per
suade Aunt Sarah that she was deaf
the least mite. But where is she,
Evelynin her room?"
Evelyn replied in the affirmative,
liapprd Hand and t ar,
1 Lipa, Drjacsa f the Skin,
j e.,f,
t one by HKUEMAX'8 CAMPHOR
ill wiiier. sm. that ymi iiu.E- ,n nP 1 posted to notify her
Jonrr'UH'.'k.ri"1 net. arrival, and tle3re
d iiwgxuw, New tint, jan ijo ly. itoseeber.
"Aunt Sarah," I exclaimed, burst-'!
ing into the room," Simon Hornet has
come 1" ,
"Seen your bonnet?" said Aunt
Sarah, looking up drowsily from her
work. "La, no, child, , I haven't
seen nothing of ycr bonnet." ,
"No, no, aunty," I said, exerting
myself to the utmost to speak dis
tinctly, bo as to.be understood, "I
said Simon Hornet was down stairs !"
"Well, who said it wasn't down
stairs!" snarled Aunt Sarah. "Why
don't you g9 dowu and got it, if you
want it?" ; . . . , .. .
"Gracious heavens!" I said, paus
ing to wipe tho perspiration from my
forehead, "I believe it's of no mortal
use to try to make her hear. "How
ever, here goes once more."
lakiug a long breath, and placing
my lips close to her'ear, I shouted:
Aunt sarah, old Simon Hornet is
down in the sitting-room!"
Well, what ot it! Bhe returned
testily. ; .
"He wants to see you, aunty," I
yelled in reply.
"Well, you needn't Bcream
cuiia, she returned pettishly; "any
one would suppose, by the way you
holler, that I was deaf. Is it old
Simon Hornet?"
"Yes, aunty." i
"Well, I don't see what on airth
the critter wants; but hand me my
cap and spectacles, Kitty, and 1 11 go
down and see. i i
I obeyed with alacrity, and then
hastened down sairs to acquaint my
companions with the result.
After a short consultation we
agreed to adjourn to a small clothes
press, Bituated between the dining
and sitting-room, with a door open
ing into it from both apartments. In
the top of this cozy place of conceal
ment was a window covered with
blinds, so that wo could both see and
hear without being seen ourselves.
We had hardly stowed ourselves
snugly in, when Aunt Sarah made her
appearance.
"Good morning, Mr. Hornett,"
she said with a stately courtesy.
"Good morning, muml p-lad to see
you looking so well, mum," respond
ed Mr. nornet, gallantly.
. "Yes, sir, pretty good, thank you,"
returned my aunt,s mistaking his re
marks for an inquiry, af terminer health.
1 said, mum, 1 was glad to see
you looking so well," repeated Mr.
Hornet, placing his lips near to her
ear., .
I hoard you, sir," said Aunt
Sarah, drawing back with an air of
offended dignity. "My health is
very good; i hope yours is the same,
Jlr. .Hornet.
"Yes, mum; but I found it pretty
cold riding over the hill this morn
ing.
"Ah, got a bad cold; lam sorry
to hear it; somehow or another
great many people are ailing with
colds lately. Uiere's my niece, Sarah
Jane, Bhe was here yesterday, and
she was so hoarse that I could
scarcely hear a word she said, and
her little boy was taken With the
croup tho other night, andliked to
nave uieu.
"I didn't say anything about hav
ing a cold, said poor Mr. Hornet
getting slightly riled up. "I said
the weather was pretty cold for the
season.
"Yes, I expect the cold weather is
the reason; said Aunt sarah, crossly.
" iVheu folks takes cold, it's most
ginerally on account of the cold
weather; any fool knows that!"
"Do you mean to tell me to my
face that I am a fool, madam !" shout
ed Mr. Hornet, flushing up as red as
a boiled lobster.'
"La sakes," said Aunt Sarah, cool
ly tuking a pinch of .snuff, "1 .don't
know but I may as well say it to your
face as behind your back. But what
is the use iu your hollering loud
enough to take a body's head off?"
"1 don't know how you are to henr
me if I don't," said Mr. Hornet, still
louder.
"I hope you don't think all the
world is deaf because you happen to
be! screamed Aunt Sarah.
"If you are not deaf, I never saw
anybody that was! replied Mr,
Hornet, choked with rage.
"I guess you never looked in the
glass, then" retorted the lady, sarcas
tically. "People who are deaf as a
post ;e very apt to imagine every
body else is."
"You haven't heard straight a word
I have said this morning !" gasped
Mr. Hornet, choked with rage.
"Then its because you talk
crooked that tho very old scratch
couldn't understand you."
"I shall go home uia'm; I shan't
stay here any longer to be insulted !
exclaimed Mr. Hornet jumping up
furiously. .
" lou had belter be showinp; your
back, ll you know what is good and
safe for you," said tho exasperated
old lady, seizing the duster and
brandishing it threateningly around
her head.
"You're a vixen!" Bhouted Mr.
Hornet, retreating toward the door.
"You're a ridiculous old idiot!''
shrieked my aunt, letting the duster
fly at his head.
"You're a confounded old scold!"
yelled Mr. Hornet, dodging the dus
ter, and kicking the cat by way of re
venge. "Wretch, .monster!" screamed my
aunt, pitching a cricket at bim, and
catching up the poker. "Touch that
cat again, if you dare, you dried up
old hypocrite!" .
Mr. Hornet paused a moment and
glared wildly around the room; then
seizing bis hat rushed headlong from
the house.
Snatching ' up the abused Mrs.
Tabby, Aunt Sarah marched off with
her in triumph to her room; giving
us an opportunity to vent our pent-ujf
mirth, which we did in shouts of
laughter; long and loud.
Mr. Simon Hornet never again
ventured to trust himself within the
precincts of our doniicil, and our
Aunt Sarah will, in all probability,
live and die an "old maid."
. LOCAL OPTION LAW.
Pull text of the Act known as tho
"Local Option Law" which passed
both houses and has been approved
by the Governor.
It is entitled, "An Act to permit
the voters of every township u in
corporated city in this State to vote
on the question of granting license
to sell intoxicating liquors." The
bill reads:
"Sec. I., From and ' ofter the
passage of this Act, whenever one
fourth tile number of legal voters of
any township, incorporated city, or
town, shall petition the Board of
Supervisors of such county wherein
such township, incorporated city, or
town is situated, to call a special
election, to vote the "Liquor
License,' or No Liquor License,' the
Board f Supervisors of the county
recoivmg said petition, shall, within
one month after said petition is filed
with the Clerk of said Board, make
proclamation for the holding of said
election in the township, incorpora
ted city, or town, as may be asked
for in such petition.
Seo. 2 '1'he Board of Supervisors
shall, by such proclamation, require
an election to bo held within such
township, incorporated city, or town,
as the case may be, on a day to , be
designated by such Board, and with
in, thirty days from and after the day
of,, issuance of said proclamation.
Such proclamation 'shall be published
in a newspaper printed in -the town
ship, city or town, in which said
election is to be held, if there be one
published therein, otherwise in a
newspaper to be designated by such
Board of Supervisors. Such a proc
lamation shall be published once a
wook for at least three weeks,
previous to said election,
Seo. 3. Said election shall be
conducted and governed by the
General Election Laws of this State,
so far as the sume are applicable
thereto provided that copies of the
Great Register need not bo used,
and Section 1,056 of the Political
Code, shall not apply to or affect
such elections. Concerning procla
mations by the Supervisors.
seo. 4. The tickets to be voted at
such election shall contain the words,
'Eor License,' or 'Against License.'
If a majority of the votes cast at such
election 'For License' or 'Against
License,' shall contain tho words
Against License, then it shall not
be lawful for any Court, Board, or
officer to issue any license for . the
sale of any spirituous, vinous, malt
or other intoxicating liquors in said
township, city or town, whoroin said
election may have been held, at any
time after the determination of the
result of said election, provided that
nothing contained in the provisions
of the Act shall prevent the issuing
of license to druggists for the sale of
liquors for medicinal and manu
facturing purposes.
Sue. 5. The Board of Supervisors
shall meet as a Board within ten
days after any such election, for the
purposo of canvassing the. returns
and determining the result.
Sec. G If at any such election the
majority of votes cast 'For License'
and 'Against License,' shall be
'Against Licenso,' then from and
after the result of said election shall
have been determined by the Board
of Supervisors, it shall be unlawful
for any person to sell or dispose of
any spirituous, vinous, malt or other
intoxicating liquors in such town
ship, incorporated city or town,
at any time thereafter, untu an
election, as above provided, a ma
jority shall -vote in favor of such
license. .
, Sm. 7. No election shall bo held
under this Act oftcaer than once in
two years.
Sec 8. 'Any person -who shall
sell or give, or otieino sell or give,
any spirituous, vinous, malt, or
other intoxicating liquors, in quanti
ties less than five gallons, within any
township, incorporated city or town,
contrary to tho provisions of this
Act, shall be guilty of a misdemean
or, and for everv such onense shall
pay a fine not exceeding twenty-five
dollars for the first offense, and not
less than one hundred dollars for
each subsequent offense, and be
imprisoned in the County Jail until
such fines shall be paid, at the rate
of one day's imprisonment for each
dollar line.
Si:c. 9. All fines collected under
this Act shall be paid into,the County
School Fund of the county wherein
collected.
Sko. 10. It shall be the duty of
the County Judge to call the atten
tion of every Grand Jury to the
provisions of this Act.
Sec. 11. This Act shall take
effect immediately."
Says tho Detriot Kree Prem:
There is an old goat owned on
Lewis street which has received a
great deal of training from the boys;
Last Fourth of July they discovered
that if they stuck a fire cracker in
the end of a cane and held it at
William he would lower his head and
go for them, and they have practiced
the ' trick so much that the go will
tackle any human being who points a
stick at him. Yesterday noon he was
loafing on the corner of third and
Lewis streets, when a corpulent citi
zen pointed his cane just to the left
of the goat and said: 'That's the
worst piece of sidewalk in this town.'
Irie goat had Ijeen eyeing the cane,
and the moment it came up ho low
ered his head, made six or eight
jumps, and his head struck the cor
pulent citizen on tne belt. llie
man went over into a mass of old tin,
dilapidated butttr kegs and aband
oned hoop-skirts, and the goat turned
a summersault tho other way, while
the citizens threw stones at a boy
seated on a door step, who was
laughing tears as big as chestnuts,
and crying out, 'Oh! it's 'nulf to kill
a feller."'
The wave of women any where
from ninety to two hundred pounds.
UKTTER FROM AllTIIlin 1- VniK. ESQ,.
Portland, April" 28j 1781.
'' Editob News : When Gov, Grover
spoke in the Oro Fino Theater last,
as is-well known, I arose in the audi
ence and, as an old Deiuocrut, re
quested the privilege of asking cer
tain questions. My object in asking
said questions was not to cast blame
on the Governor for his previous ac
tion in regard to the Police bill, nor
to injure his prospects for re-election,
but to give him a chance to explain
his present views on a subject that
very deeply affects the opinions of a
great many Democrats in this oity
beside myself.
At the time of the -passage of the
Police bill. I am f roe to say that I
was in favor of it, and , when it was
repeuled two years ago I requested
Gov. Grover to veto tho bill. My
action in both cases was governed by
what appeared to be sufficient rea
sons, but since men developments
have occured which have opened my
eyes and make ino to know that I
have been going wrong.
MyHclf and other Democratio tax
payers having been deceived into
sanctioning a measure that statistics
show very deeply atlocts our pockets.
I cannot consent to allow it to longor
appear that I censure Gov. Grover
for not taking better care of my own
business than I did myself, v I am
satisfied that Gov. Grover acted in
obedience to what he believed to . be
the wish of the citizens of Portland
in signing the Metropolitan Police
Bill, and that he will be govorned
hereafter by the voice of the people,
both as to any change that may be
mado in the law or as to appointing
Commissioners who shall be more
satisfactory to the people than at
least two of the present incumbents.
In view of the foregoing then, Mr.
Editor, I wish you to make it dis
tinctly understood that I am no "sore
head" or bolter, but that next June I
will go to the polls as I have done at
every election for the last twenty-five
years, and vote the straight Democrat
ic ticket.
And I wish to say to my fellow-citizens
who urge the matter of the Po
lice bill against Gov. Grover, that
while searching for the ills ho has
done, to let them also take notice of
his good actions. Recollect that he
stood up in the face of the heaviest
pressure ever brought to bear on any
official in the State, and vetoed the
Portland railroad Subsidy bill, which,
but for his action, would have fallen
upon us, and as Holladay threatened,
literally made a rat-hole of our city.
Let them recollect that Gov. Grover s
Administration, when it come into
power, found everything pertaining
to the State Government in a state of
chaos, and that it has wrought order
out of disorder, and let in the light
where darkness, reigned supreme.
Let them recollect tk.it tho enemies
of tho Domocrat party have not beon
able to make good a single charge of
fraud against any Democratio State
officer, but that the affairs of them all
have been submittod to close inspec
tion by a Republican Legislature, and
everything found regular.
In viow of the whole record, I, for
one, am 'Willing to give my hearty
support to tho whole Democratic
ticket, and believe that Gov. Grover
will do justice by every soution of the
State, in obedience to the voice of
the people thereof. Aiituur Fahie,
Ax Entkrpkising Countuy Edi
tor. The Detroit JYee Preet con
tain! the following: 1 '
He was out on a, jaunt in the town
ship of White Oak,, Ingham county,
sticking to every farmer until ho got
his name and his money, and so it
happened he called at a houso where
uealb had just called a levy hours bo
fore. The farmers wife was laid out,
aud the husband and children were
grieving over hor loss when the editor
knocked at the door,
"What's up?" inquired tho editor,
as lie' saw the farmer's solemn coun
tenance before him.
'My wife is dead," replied the
farmer.
"Is that so?" mused the editor, a
little disappointed, "Did Bhe die
easy? '
"Dropped off like a lamb.
"Did slio say anything?"
"Not a word just went right to
sleep like."
I didn't know, continued tho. ed
itor, a sad look on his face, "but what
she might have requested you to sub
scribe for the Citseade, which you
know is the best paper in the county.
If you want it I'll tako your name
right iu, and under the circumstances
I won't charge a oent for the obitu
ary notice." 1 he larmor bung oil
for a while, but beforo the editor
went away he bad two additional dol
lars in his pocket, and had Written an
obituary notice for publication in his
next issue, which the bereaved hus
band pronouueed "a mighty smart
piece. .
A clergyman nt Clurinda, was
away from home when the crusade
began. He returned in the evening
and saw his wife standing at tho bar
of a saloon singing as loud as she
could yell. He supposed she was
drunk, and entering the saloon, the
tears rolling down his face, he said,
Come home, wilo, you have ruined
me drunk drunk drunk."
Ono of a number of rebels durinsr
the Into war, when the commanding
officer ordered them to retake deveral
guns captured by the enemy
'C-aptam, said this philosopher m
the f;w:o of danger, th tho 1-losa isn't
very gr-great, can t wo t-take up a
col-lection, and p-pay for tho
d-dainnej old g-guns'" .
ANKCDOTU CONCERNING) GKMEHAIl
l,,'.: . ' ' IjKlli. ,, .,, -1,
In his lecture' before the Georgia
Historical Society, Hon. Ben. Hill
related tho following incident: tj .
Thero were many peculiarities in
the habits and character of Lee,
which ore little known and which
may be studied with profit. He studi
ously avoided giving .opinions upon
subjects which it had . not been his
calling or training to investigate; and
sometinies I thought he: carried this
great virtue too far.-Neither the
Pusident nor Congress nor friends
could get his views upon any. public
question not strictly military, and no
man had as muoh quiet, unobstrusivo
contempt tor which he called "limi
tary statesmen and political gener1
als." Meeting him once on the. streets
of Richmond, as I was going out and
he going u .the exocutive. omce.
stud to bun, "General, i J. wish' you
would give us your opinion as to the
proprioty of. whanging the seat of
Lvoveniment - and . , going . turthor
South." '
"That Is a political duostlori, Mr.
Hill and you politicians must deter
mine it. - 1 BhaU endeavor to take
care of the army and you must- take
the laws and control the government.
"Ah, General," said 1, "but' you
will have to change that rule, ' and
form and oxpress political opinions;
for, if we establish our independence,
the people will make you Mr. ., Davis
successor."
"Never, sir," ho replied with a firm
dicflitv that belonged only to .Lee,
"That I will never permit,. What
ever talents I may possess (and they
are but limited) aro military taieuta,
My education aud training aro mili
tary. I think the military and civil
talents are distinct, if- not; dmereut.
and full duty in either sphere is
about as much as ono man can quali
fy himself to perform. I shall not do
the people the injustice to accept high
civil office with whose questions it has
not been my business to become
familiar." ..i .. i
"Well, but General," I insisted,
"history does not sustain your view.
Caesar and Fredrick of Prussia and
Bonaparte were all great statesmen
as well as meat generals."
"And all groat tyrants," ho prompt
ly responded. "1 speak of the prop
er rule in republics, whore l think,
we should have neither military states
men nor political generals. ':.
"But Washington was both, and
yot not a tyrant," I repeated. '' '
And with a beautiful smilo ho said:
"Washington was an exception to
all, and thero were none like him."
I could find no worm to answer
further,', but instantly I said in
thought: "Suroly Washington is
no longer tho only exception, for ono
like him if not evon greater, is hore."
A tl nAJU.UABJiXCKRCI.IE.
"John," says a country pedagogue
to one of his scholars, "Jiili liek
Tnn. . Now parse Bill."
"Bill ith a vorb, thir."
"A vorbl how do you make that
out, sir?" 1
"Coth ho licks Tom, thir," .
""Well, if licking Tom makes Bill a
verb, will you parse 'Tom?"'
"Tom ith a verb, loo?'
"Tom a verb, too?" " ' ':
"Yeth, thir." '
How, so?"
"Coth ho ith licked," . -"Isn't
that singular. Bill is a verb
because he licks Tom, and Tom is a
verb because he is licked. You have
surely got, new grammar, haven't
your' , , .. . I- in -
X cto, thir. Dad bought me 8 Dew
one yetlieiday." ' , ' , '
"Well," said the master, biting his
lips, )just open it and see what a verb
is.', .- t'li,. '" '
John reads: "A-vcrb-is-a-word
whicli-sigiiitios-to-bo-to-dmand-lo-euf-
let." "
"Now parse 'Bill licked Tom.' cor
rcetlv." , - - ' 1 '
"Yeth, thir. UJill ith a-verb.. and
Tom,1 ith a verb, coth Bill did do it,
and lorn luifered. lhems gram
mar." '
"You may take your seat, sir. If
tou nrocrast horealtor as rapidly as
you have done, you will bo a second
Murray,
' (Jfroni the Chenopo Union.
.' democratic pyramid, ii ,i ::
In these days of political revolu
tion; the people can hardly keepi
track i ot the victories,, that : have'
been won by tho Democrats during
thv last year. In the list of Statgi
printed below, will be found only
those that have unmistakably thrown
off - the : I Radical yoke. . i - touisiaim
might with propriety be added, : for
sho gave a clear majority of ten , or
twelve thousand at the last gonoral
election; but inasmuch as the Radi"
cals have forcibly kept control of that
Stake; wb omit it from the lish: I In
Minnesota, , Iowa and Kansas,, we
have as good claim as havo our op
ponents, having elected portions of
Uie state' omcers m each; but those
also we leave out of the count flow,
but will add them to the: list after the
noxt oloctioni , The Democrats have
a clear title" to seventeen States, most
of vvhieh havo been wrested from tho
Republicans during the year 1873.
This is lively work for a party that has
been declared dead; and the Radicals
will .never be able to regain the
ground they have lost. On the
whole, tho Democrats are satisfied
with their year's work, and will go
on until it is completed.; How do
our Radical friends like the looks of
the following formidable, list of Denir
cratic States? ' " 1 ' ' "i ' '
. i :u u,:, :-. OHIO, ' ! ;T
nr. J:'J;;i!'a, TEXAS;- ...'.;,!'::.
, : .- OREGON, ( . ,
' GEORGIA, , ' . ,
"" :' ,'" NEW YORK, V'
' 1 I NDIANA,"'1
! ' ILLINOIS,
MARYLAND, ' u'
WISCONSIN, - ; ,
VIRGINIA,
" KEN T V 0 K Y, ' '
MISSOURI,
0 ALIFORNIA,
TE N N E SEE, ,.,;(.
CONNEC TICUT,
WEST VIRGINIA,
NEW- HAMPH Alt P I RE.
Business notices in tba Local Columr
cents per line, ench insertion.
For legal and transient advertisements t
per square of 12 lines, for th first insert,
and $1 00 per square for each subsequent
sertion. . .
I.
- A gentleman afflicted with an im
pediment in his speech, was 0110 day
looking at the Siamese Twins when
they wero upon exhibition. After
examining them for some timo in
silence, he turned to the showman
and enquiringly remnrkod, B-b-b
brothers, I presume nirf"
The temperance crusade, which
has been quiescent in Ohio for some
weeks, sturlcd at Columbus in a new
direction. Some twenty ladies march
ed to the saloon of Charles Wagner
who advertised a free lunch and now
drinks, called the "Crusado Water,"
some bearing the, names of ladies
prominently idontilicd with the tem
porance crusado, and demanded some
of the wateraud a share of the lunch.
WuL'iier refused either, aud forcibly
ejected the women, who paraded the
sidewalk in front of Wagner's place,
in spito of all his efforts to disperse
them by washing the walk.
... 1 .
Since no supplies can bo bad from
military stations on the overflowed
region of the Lower Mississippi, the
Secretary of War, after a conference
with the President, has directed the
Commissary of Subsistence to pur
chase $5110,000 rations of meat, flour,
bonus and rice, and to carry into
offuct the Relief bill. " He asked an
appropriation of $99,000. Tho esti
mates are based on issuing rations to
twenty thousand persons for twenty
dayB.
No Trim ron 1'oomno. Tho Pout-
master General's dignity must have
suffered, the other, day, when ho
received a letter from Dill tit, Iowa,
saying: "I you doant git sorao one
to run this 'ero poast onus purty
soon, it'll bo throwd in the river, for
I'm going off on a bear hunt,' and
can't fool any moar."
An old lady hearing some one
reading about a . Congmssman-at-large,
rushed to tho kitohen door
shouting: Sarah Jane, Saruh Juno!
don't you leave the clothes out all
night; mind I tell you; fox tbero'i a
Congressman at large!"
a wane from a woman. ; (
Some citizen of Santa Barbara has
written a letter to the "press" calling
for a woman's brigade to fight the
whiskey tratfio, to which a ''woman"
replies in the same paper anil con
cludes thus: . . ;'; :!
"A little Btory" js also suggested
to my mind by tho passage I have-
quoted; an old story, and told often
in various ways, but Una is about the
substance of it: - t:. : n ! '
A pioneer and BoUoy his wife had
just taken possession of an unfinished
log ciuin iu a new settlement, when
one morning there came marching
in at tho place where the door ought
to have beep, a large boar, .Our lord
of creation sprang up to a beam over
head and looked on bravely while
Betsey dispatched tho animal with an
ax. Then he let himself down and
rushed joytully triumphant, to mtoim
tho neighbors that "me and Betsey
killed a bail"
Now, good brother, good sensible
business men of Santa Barbara, who
know what is for your own best inter
est and the safety and respeatabilily
of your city, supposo you just go to
work and attack tips hydraheadod
monster yourselves. It is a Christian
duly with -many of you, and a matter
of common.senso with all of you who
have not a pecuniary interest. in the
liquor-triiHio sufficient to compensate
for what you lose. It, you have not
the. strength and the resolution to do
this, which i certainly your work and
not ours, then it will be in - order Mi
"Citiien" to eall out and organize
that "praying brigade." , ,,
Wouldn't bb OUTuojfE-Durlng
tho; war of the rebellion, two regi
ments of tho same oorpi were stationed
near ono another on the Savannah.
Ono regiment was from Massachu
setts the other from Wisconsin. The
oldiors of tho two regiments differed
widely in manners ar.d appearance,
Tho Colonels woro antipodes in char
acter, The Massachusetts Colonel
was refined and roligious the Wis
consin Colonel was very coarso and
prone to blaspheme, but withal a good
soldier and s lavorito of his men. A
spirit of rivalry existed botwean the
two , regiments. The Chaplain who
attended to the spiritual wants ol the
division, mado many ctlorts to con
vert the Wisconsin regiment, but all
was in vain. Awaro of the spirit of
rivalry that oxisted between the two
regiments and their Colonels, the
Chaplain determined to profit by the
information. One day alior having
preached to the soldiors of the Mas
sachusetts regiment sovornl of tho
members camu forward and were
bnptined. Tho following day tho
Chaplaio visited the cump of tho
Wisconsin regiment, and Having ad
dressed a few words on general mat
ters to the Colonel begun to spt'alt of
spiritual matters. 1 he Colonel with
his usual profanity termed all religion
s humbug. The Chaplain regrottod
that the Colonel was so obdurate, and
spoke in a pathetic manner of the suc
cess of his revival in tho Maiisachu
ohiisells regiment. His eyes had
been blussod he said, by seeing those
converts come forward and receive re
generation in baptism. : At hearing
this tho Col. pondered a moment and
turning upon his heel asked tho Chap
lain how many ol that regiment were
baptized, "Three said tho Chaplain.
"scrgcant-mnjor," said tho Colonel,
detail uliot'ii mon immediately tor
bnntism, for I'll be d d it I'll bo out
done by any Massachusetts regiment."
In the nociMsitv of his work, a pa-
voor had gathered stones around for.
Abenrothy'sdoor. "Tuko those stones
out of my way," said tho surly Doc
tor. "Where shall I dike them to?"
asked tho puvoor. "Tako them too
hell," roared tho great Surgeon.
Wouldn t they bo more out of your
honor's way in tho other pluco?"
Artomus Ward once observed that
he aiirirovod of temperance hotels,
although b thought as a rule thoy
,old worse liquor than other kind, j
' 1 J ' 8CI9SOR1N0S.-
The belle of Oshkosh received T
one hundred and thirteen Valentin
Iowa 'courts have decided t
jilting doesn't hurt a man worth
cent. r ........ , . . ... -
Corrjy Pa.( has a woman ;bil
posterj while McConnelsbtirg girl
in the -same state, steal dooi
scrapers. vi." ..n r a.. sit
King Koffee keerps his 3,33 wives
under the same roof with his maga
zine of. military munitions. L They
do about as ho says,,,, .,,-r
., There are oer 10,000,000 women
id AmOricaj and yet Tom. Hutton.'of
Georgia hung himself on account of
ts girt xu yuurs oiu. -k i V
"An-Albany worrrnn is eoinff'to
pphd ha asylum for cats," and her
neigbors are laying m a stock of rem
edies for fho euro of cataleptjo fits,
A ' Green Bay preacher rode 13
miles, morried s couple on ice, look:
SO cents as his fee, and returned
home without losing his bland smile.
"Portmoitth is now going to have
a . new young ladies' seminary.''
Would it not be Slightly phenomenal
to find "young ladies" who would
confess to being old? ,
A French paper faints out how
the passion for gambling is shown in
this cauntryj so that even in wedding
notices it is necessary to state that
there were "no cards." ,,. .
At a revivnl in. a Western town,
out of over J00 converts, fully two
thirds are males; which the women
explain by saying the women are
mostly angejs already. 1
-, A .sewing society l's soofl to be)
oponed in Seratoa, under the'patron-
age of tho Y. M. C, A."- Something
very funny might be said in this con
nection if one dared say it.
An Iowa woman poured hot Wafer1'
down her husband's back to cure the
toothache,! and the jnry held that
she was practising Without a license
and sent her to juil for Bis months.
No one but Brigham Young could
have said that, "if necessary to the
building up of the kingdom, I could
bury all my wives without a sigh or
tear. But then he is petting pretty
old, you know. "" 7
When 'Vou repeal! thd proverb,.
"Frailty, thy name is woman!" you
must except hereafter Mrs. Cholfl
Jouos, (colored), of Raleigh, whoso
waist at its slenderest point measures
Beven feet in oiroumferenee. - "
In some natures the loftiest Useful
ness is 'often strikingly manifested.
Thereis a Brooklyn man who keop
his family at a cheap boarding house,'
in ordot to spare the moans .for his
mother-in-law to travel abroad. i
Honorable mention is made of
Maine servant girl who is now serv
ing hor eighty-second winter under
the same roof. She has washed
dishes 89,790 times, and comes yet'
gaily to her task. Blessed old girl I
"Fellowpitizons," said a Colored'
prqachor,, of I had been eatin'.dried
apples for a week, an' then took tot
drinkin' for a monf, I Couldn't fool
more swelled lip than I am dis minis
wid prif'e an' vanity seeing such full'
tondanco hor dis etenin'." - : '.
Married men will read this clip
ping with interest: First gentle
man: "Why don't you kill her with
kindness?" Second gentleman: "You
might as well try to kill an elephant
with codfish bulls, or blister a rhino-;
ceros with mustard plaster." Hs,
was then referring to his . wife's)
mother. i. - . . '. " '"i
i A poof bid Irish crlppld sat hog
giug ut Uridjjo, 'urging his appeal
to the charity of versatilo oloquono. ,
of his country. A gontleinan and
lfldy, young, gay and handsome, with
that peculiar look of gratified and
complacont conscioushOHS which in- ,
dicule the first few weeks of married -lifo,
crossed the bridgo. Thoy ro
gardod not tho petition of the bog-,
gar, so just as thoy passed him', ho '
exelaitnod: 'May the blessing of'
tho Lord, wliich brings lovd, joy and 1
woalth, and. fino family follow you ;
all the ilnvu of your life." A nauso. .
Tho couple passed headlong on, and
the beggar with a fine touch of caus
tic humor, added, "and nevef ovtr-
takeyvul" i - j : ' '
Smoulas DkaTH.-'-A littlo colored
girl was killed in n very singular
manner at Auburn, Alabama, a short
timo ago., Tho girl went to some ,
sills that had been usod fur tho pur- ,
poso of cutting up meat, and on '
which there Was a largo number of -
rea ants, vvjuio asiecp uie ants uy .
tho thousand made an attack on the ,
child, and when she awoke she was
literally covered with them, and all
busy biting and stinging. Thoy
were so ferocious that a woman on
tho pluco had to sweep them off with
a brush broom, Tho bitinsr and
stinging wero. so very Bonous that
fover dne'ued, which, coupled with 1
tlto poison- of the bites, produced
death two days ufterwurd. ,
A votmii man in Indiana sued his
father for loaned money, which the
father claims was his own property.
Tim hitter's council, in Biimmiiisr on
the case of his client, remarked:
"Twice has the prodigal returned to
his father's house; twice has ho been
received with open arms; twice has ;
the fatted calf boon killed; and now'
1.. 1 1. M
cow.,
KF.Li.onn, tho spurious Governor o(
Louisiana, sUmds by his friends, and
uses his usurped authority fur their
benefit whenever opportunity occurs.
Ho bus pardoned nine persons who
hud boon convicted of imirdor, be
side a number- of perjurors and
thieves, all of whom, it is qui to snfo
to my, are truly hiyal -to his Ad
ministration and that of Giant- . -
As Irish crier being ordered to
clear tho court, yc'.lod out: "All yo
blaekguavds who aw not lawyer, litvo
the coort."