The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, April 23, 1880, Image 1

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    " J
NO. 30;
1 X7'
jtvsrxisss CARDS.
6a this Spaca Four "Weeks.
R. B. HUMPHREY, Agent.
his friend ami the public generally, that
is now settled In his
on t ne old stand next door to P. C. Harper & Co ,
where can Ix; found as great an assortment una
as larice a stock of
Stoves and Ranges
can lie found in any one house this side of
Portland, and at as
Castlron, Ornss &. Enameled
in great variety. Also,
Sheet Iron,
fjnlvanizcd Iron,
slavs on iwind, and made to order, AT UV
till "KATES.
Albany. October 22. 187S-SV8
Csraer Tizzt anl Ells-worti st3.,
tfosagnln tnken charge of tho
City Drug Store,
having purchased the entire interest of C. W
Slww. siieeessor- to A. Ciuotliers A Co., and is
K receiving a
Splsn&id IT-0T7 Stock,
which, adled to the former, renders it very
w,. ..!..,. in Ml! the iliitWrenr dclMirtments.
Feeling assured that all can be suited in both
Quality aad Price,
he cordially invites his old friends and custom
ers to gire hiia a cull.
ATI1I receive immediate and eareftil attention
1 all fcura, titty Mil ullti.
fc Pure Wines and Liquors fof medicina
. purposes.
Oct.2T. TT-jvlO
'.' First street, 3 doors west of Ferry,
; gQIsACSEB & GCBTZ, Prop's.
HAVlXti purchased the City Market, I will
keep constantly on hand all kimlsof Mints
, tha very best to I hi obtained in the market.
- I will strive at all times to meet the wishes of
- (ill who may favor me with their patronage.
The pnMic jfene-ally are invited to call at 1113-
shop When in want of meats. ETflie highest
I- null itrice paid for PORK. 6Ivl0sl3
; New Goods I Ktw Departure !
""-'mrs. 0. l; parks,
Store lately- owned by Mrs. C P. lMvts. ahd
- having just added thereto a new invoice of kite
;CiiS3 llillinory, Trimmings,
ltonnets. Hats, Ae., takes pleasure in inviting
theladlcsof AHmiiy and vicinity to call and
Inspect for themselves..- All stood will be sold
' tt prices that duty competition.
Having secured the services of a first class
-. Dressmaker!
-1 am prepared to cut, flt, and make dresses in
?a,r yln desired, at short notice and iu a sat is
. factory manner. ,
-jr &klnx ttiotUlitst for ehll'lren a spnelnlty
.reot. You are Invite 10 1.q p
.'.. J7, 187
' ' Z&falli'blo Zaiiaa Bsaeiies.
" A Sure Shot For '
BCEnra A loxo kessidence among
th Indian trlljes of the coast and the Inte
rior. I have had the stood fortnnc to discover,
-from the"M llc.ine, men of the several trl'ies,
and from other source, a nnmlicrnl remedies
for diseases Incident to this country, conslst
Iwr of roots. heri4 and Hark, an 1 having heen
Wliolted by m my pwple of this valley, who
-have tried and proved the emcacy of thetn in
!isens, to procure and offer 1 he s.itne for sale,
I take this means of announcing to all that,
dnriim the past season, I hnve made nn extend
ed totr throngh the ntountnlns and valleys,
n-1 have secured certain of these remedies
which are a sure cure for
...Fever1 and Agtte.
TMn anfTtfHnsr frwm Airoe who tlesiro to ne l ve orders at, Mr. Strong'sstore on
r r-- .i,rm.t, where I w-ill fnmlsh the remeJies.
. K-i a riidifULl cure or I will dennuH no
!.. W.H.JOI'.'M,
. ionc tip in JI packages, " 15-t
' v -M-
sxt Law,
OFFICE-In Foster's new brick block, flrst
door to the loft, Hp Mali's. vllnl5
Attorneys at I .aw and So!it?Uot's
in Chancery.
Albaxy, - Oregon.
COLLECTIONS promptly made on all points.
Loans ticKotiutcrt on reasonable terms.
OfJk-e in Foster's new block. nUvll
Attorney iVt Taw,
courts of the State. Special at t lit kin giv
en to collections and probate mutter j. tFKit'E
In Odd FclluMV Temple. n4vl0
D. II. X. ItLAdilli nX,
business. - , .22v'J
ISumpIiro- V Wolvertoit,
AJtorneys nni 4'onnseIorH at Idtw.
ot thisSiatv. OfncE-in Froiimn's brick
(up stairs; Albauy, Oix-trn. lln 111
Attorney at T-aw,
ALiiAxr, oi;euo-.
OFFICE l'p stairs, over John Briggs store,
011 First stit el. vllnlS
Attorney and Counselor at Lair.
Ojficf, Old W Qfllx Building, Albany, Oregon.
Tll.L PUACTic'E in the different Courts of
It the State.
irbiuceopnthie Physician and Sargeon,
OFFICE - III Mcliwain's lri.l-. AHnny, Osn.
Cbrmic lisea.-i.- a Sprciattt. C:m lietonn !
u' ti dfilie at all lirmr- "f ! ho day or iiiirh'..
when nof protessionall)' u'went. v linlti
J. t'R3IAX, 51. I.
neur AllKiny Lngine Co. No. One's engine
Albany, Or., Jan. 9. l-we-vI2nl
23. M. SAVAC-E, 11. D.,
Pliysician and i(tts'ec.
y Fronlans's Brick, up stairs,
First street.
i Albany, Oreiron.
C. C. KELLY, yi. .,
Kesidence one door north ol brtxun nicio-
ry, Lyon strccit. llvI3
Fresco, Sign, Scene.
Pictorial Xaint
iJ UcxMiis and 7. Parrish bloc k. corner First
and Fcrr streets. AUmny, Oregon.
dealer in
Heavy and Shelf Hardware,
Iron, Steel and Mechanics' Tool,
First door east of S. E. Young,
AtItAXr, (vlint'.D OJiJiOOJT.
Mrs. C. llouh, Proprietor.
THIS HOCSE has been thoi-ougbly overhanl
ed nild reUovatcd. and placed in first class
condition for tlus iicconiui.otliitioii of itsgucsts.
linrnl Samnle Room for ComnierehU Travelers.
(General Stace Oftice for Corvaliis. Iiideoend.
ence and Ijclmnon.
Free Cornell to from
the koine.
JeWelors, !
Albany, : Oregon.
ing Jewelry a specialty. Call. vllnl7
Agents lor " II nte" Nnilnv H.
-hlnea. .
CSolUjinte gtmtitnte,
Albany, Oregon.
The Second Term will open on
SoTcmbcr 1 2th, 1879.
conrses of instruction will lie pnrue; In
this Instttmc, viz: Ciassical, Scientitic and
A Full Corps. of Instructors lias teen
For particulars conceriiioi? the courses Of
study aiul the price of tuition, oifily to
Be. ELSIEBT 51. tOXOIT, Pres.
August 8, It-TOvliiiAJ
Jorirenaeii'H ftrnnee bnt Fatal
Tn Fept ember 1879, the tcliooner
JVh'te JVave railed from San Fran
civa bound for the North Pacific, there
t hrot sea otters and teals.. The souls
on board were few, consisting only of
the Captain, Richard Williams by
came and an Englishman by birth, al
though he had become a naturalized
citizen of the TJ. S., three sailors, a cook
and two sharp-shooters, one namd
Seth. Mitchell, a native of Connecticut,
and the other called'llans Jorgensen, a
Swede. The "White Wave wab built
to stand weather, and was as taut a
craft as eer came off. the New Haven
stocks, but she had occasionally to cwn
that the elements were her superior.
The up ti ip was made iu good time,
and the fti-hing, or rather sporting
grounds off the Is'and ot St. (ieoriie
were reached without accident or even
encountering a rough day. About tho
end of the month, however, a furious
gale sprang np suddenly from the
Southwest and drove the schooner across
to within a lew leagues of the i Aleu
tian Islands. According to the Cap
tain's log-book, which -lias beeu placed
at the disposal ot a Chronicle repoiter,
it appears that on the 28lh of Septem
ber, being then or about 52 degrees
north latitude and 1C8 degrees wea
longitude, he sent a b.-at on shore to
one of the islands which was quite new
to him, to look tor water, the boaiV
crew consisting of two sailors and
flans Jorgensen. Whilst on shore the
swede, who had his title with him,
started in chase ot a fox. The gale
was now blowing due west, and as
the Captain found himself drifting, he
made urgent signals for the immediate
return of the boat. Jorgensen hat!
i. ot come back , and the sailors) atier
deliberation, rowed to the schooner
with same difficulty to acquaint ! Cap.
tain Williams of the fact. The Cap
lain was, as may be Imagined, excess
ively irritated, and was in much doubt
what to do when the wind settled the
difficulty by raising in sudden fury
atid driving the schooner still further
Four days had passed away before
Captain Wil iams was enabled to re
turn to the spot where Jorgensen : had
been left, and it was with much pleas
ure that (he Swede was found aiive and
well, although changed in appearance
to an extraordinary degree. j
Jorgensen had a strange story to tell,
The Fox had escaped notwithstand
ing the Swede's marksmanship, but so
exciting was the chase that he must
have wandered mi'es in pursuit before
he gave u the bushy-tailed game and
thought ot returning to the boat, i The
country was of the most b'.eak and des
olate discretion, chaotic masses of vol
canic rocks lay around in confusion,
and not a shrub or tree ot any dis-crip-
tton broks the desolation. Here and
there were crevasses, or rents in the
earth, at the dark bottom ot Which
small but tapid streams worked a j tor
tuotts course along their rocky beds,
and beside these 'streams there grew
huge masses of lichen, such, as Jorgen
sen had never seen before. I'rom other
ravines or cracks iu tho earth's crust
there aroso heavy volumes of steam.
impregnating the air with a sulphurous
smell, Jorgensen was A man ot limited
imagination, though a good shot, j yet
so impressed was he with the horrible
surroundings that he declared it seemed
to him as it he were looking upon a
piece of the earth as it must have been
before any living creature put fool there
on. Progress even ot matter had !nct
visited this spot, which retained the
ghastly desolation ot the pre-Adamite
word. 't was not surprising that
among the irregularities ot Buch a coun
try he should find such difficulty in
keeping his way, for though by climb,
ing to thehightof some escarpment; he
was enabled to see the sea, almost a
soon as he descended from bis lookout
he became lost iu a maze of bolder
strewn canyons. When at length5 he
reached the shore, struggling 'against
the gain that shrieked over both land
and sea, he raw he : White, Wave
with shortened sad flying to the west,
ward. He look in the situation' at
once and was confident that Captain
Williams would return for him as soon
as the storm abated. j
t Jt , Weary wait.
There was nothing to do but wait ;
and when after a sapperless nightV
camping oat, lie woke to Sod so signs ;
of the schooner, and a gnawing at his
stomach, it became necessary to look
for something to eat The search on
the near land was entirely fruitless, and
he did not dare to go far from shore
tor fear ot missing the schooner. Shore
and sea seemed alike unproductive in
this desolate region, and JorgenFen
was beginning to fear dea;h by starva
tion when a j strange chance provided
hira with food. Weakly crawling to
the summit of an eminence which rose
about u half-mile in-shore, and which
he had been accustomed to use as a
lookout, he was overcome with some
thing like a ; tainting fit, and fell back,
wards, rolling down a gulch which . lay
on the laud side. When he recovered
consciousness he fouud that the stock
of his rifle, Which he had involuntarily
retained hold of, had struck against one
of a number of rebbly-looking
objects which lay around, and in so
striking had broken it. The broken
ohjoct; lay within a few inches of Jor
gensen's head, and he could see that the
pebble was in reality but a slight shell
or lime or sulphur or something he
was not geologist enough to say what
covering a quantity of jel'y. It looked
like jelly, anyhow, to tho famished
man, and raising himself on his hands
and knees he took up a piece ot the
broken object and examined it Closely.
This closer inspection of the contents of
the limesheH showed the .jelly to be of
the consistency ot molten glue, to
be ot & light rose color, and to be
possessed ot a rather acrid smell-.
What surprised - Jorgel'.sen was, to
notice that although at first sight the
jelly looked to be a plain uniform body,
the substance was in reality composed
ot an infinity of minute cells, like, he
thought, the roe ot fish whilst through
out its liody at retched a number ot lisa-
meuts like the softest tlos silk. The
Swede touched the gelatinous matter
with his finger, took up a small quanti
ty put it first to his nose then id his
mouth, and preferring the chances ot
succor or death by starvation to the
possibility ot death by poisoning, very
gingeily applied his tongue to the jelly.
It had by no rneans a pleasant taste:
and what Jorgensen swallowed would,
he imagined.; not have killed a cat,
Throwing the halt shed and its con
tents, aside, with an expression and
splutter cf disgust Jorgersen climbed
to his post to watch for the White
Wove and lift.
Sonic hour were pasted in thus wait
ing, when overcome by weakness he fell
into a deep sleep, from' which ho wa
awakened by a sensation which, he said,
was almost precisely like that which
he had experienced rs a boy when re
suscitated after having been pulled out
mote than half drowned from one of
his native Jjorrh. The acute tingling
sensation was once more felt, and it
seemed as though the pains of a new
life werupon him. What astonished
him so much as anything was to find
that the huitger-craviugs had entirely
gone; he telt strong and -refreshed.
At first he was inclined to be suspicious
f this release of pain and new vigor,
thinking it to be but the glow of the
spark before extinction ; but when be
found himself enabled- to walk miles
without fatigue and was troublA with
no more inconvenience from his long
fast, he became convinced that his
hunger h.d been apeased. , lit search
ing for the cause he naturally could
but think of the gelatinous matter which
lie had tasted. To imagine, however,
that the infinitesimal quantity ot.lhis
remarkable substance, it indeed he had
swallowed any at all, could have pro
dnced such astonishing results, - seemed
highly absurd The next day, alter
having wandered up and down the
bleak country and along tho desolate
shore without any symptoms ot weari
ness, he again visited the gulch . where
he had found the glutinous deposit. .
The supposed pebble . which, had
been broken in its tall lay there as , he
had left it, but the contents had altered
in condition and were now- bnt a dryj
viscid film. Jorgensen was ' shrewd
enongh to put this change dowp as due
iu the acthtt of the air, and saw that
it he wished to exer:meiit he Would
have to do so with' a fresh ly.broken
pebble-.1 Selecting one of the chalky,
looking stones, he carefully broke the
crust sud found it to contain a small
quantity of the rose-tinted jelly which
be was in search of. V ith character
istic cantioti, he again bnt touched his
tongue to the matter and then gathered
the remaining pebbles together and
placed them under a projecting ledge
for safe keeping. The results of the
second taste were equally astonishing
as those which attended the first.
Again came a deep sleep, from out of
which he was awakened by an intense
tingling in every nerve of his body.
This exquisite pain having passed,
Jorgensen lay where he had slept, as
though in a half dream, thinking idly
of his ad venture. He felt no hunger,
but rather a state cf mental and bodily
ease. The only explanation that he
could arrive at concerning the mysteri
ous food of which he had partaken was
that it must have been something pre
pared by the native Indians for susten.
ance during long journeys, 'and that he
had accidentally discovered either a
cache ot such material or a store ot it
which had beeu overlooked.
A new surprise was awaiting him,
for when he rose to shake the sleep
from his limbs what was his astonish,
ment to find his clothes so tight upon
him' that he moved with difficulty in
them. His great sea boots seemed a
few sizes too small, and the sleeves ot
his knitted cardigan jacket were almost
up to his elbows. Ruefully contemplat
ing this shrinkage of what he had hither
to considered good material he stooped
down to pick up his ride, when he was
thunderstruck to find that it too had
shrunk. At any rate his good Henry
which, before he had gone to sleep,
reached just tip to his armpit, was now
scarcely chet high. Moreover, it
seemed as light in his hands as a feather,
Jorgensen was bewildered, and for a
moment imagined himself crazy. Then
the old Norse superstition took hold of
him and he imagined himself bewitched.
Taking hisjacknife out to cut a tew
holes in his too snugly fitting shoes he
found it to lie iu his hand like a lady's
penknife. Then he knew that the
metal and fabric had Dot d war ltd, bnt
that he himself had stretched and grown
under the influence of the wonderful
food.- His physical strength kept pace
with his increased bulk, and he amused
himself, a he confessed, by breaking off
large fragments of rock and hurling
them into the sc-a. It was whilet en.
gaged in this Cyclopean pastime that
he saw the Tl hitc Witvc bearing down
the coast and signaling with the little
bias piece she carried. Jorgensen
replied with liia rifle and then hastily
ran to where the peculiar pebbles lay,
loaded his packets them and was
back on the beach in lime to direct
the boat's course to wheie he stood.
We pass over the Astonishment of
hjs shipmates at his extraordinarj'
appearance and at the story of Jorgen
sen, but quote a tew of the Captain's
words, because they gre brief and to
the point : "When Jorgensen went
on shore," said Captain Williamsj in
conversation with the writer, che was
a short, spare man, of about five feet
seven, with a bald head, a thin, straw,
colored mustache, and looked fill of
his age, which he said was forty-seven.
When he came on board he was bloated
or swollen or something so much that
he looked to be about six feet high ;
was growed so stout that he haJ burst
all his clothes ; had a new crop ot fluffy
hair over his face and head, .and had
aged about ten years. Why, sir, his
own mother wouldn't ha knowed him,
and I weren't surprised that his mates
thought "they had stinck tlie wrong
man when they see that object on the
beach." Jorgensen told his storv.
which Captain Williams at first utterly
discredited, but which lie afterwards
wrote out in full, attesting its genui-
ness by the line that
The above was as near a we could
reckileer the statement made by the said
Hans Jorgenseii before us as witnesses
thereto. ..
(Master of schooner White ?!"rc).
It. is from this statement that the
above narrative has been taken ; indeed,
except iu the matter of some necessary
coriections of spelling and alterations
ot expression, there is no material differ
ence between tho two. It was, in .fact,
at Captain Williams' request that his
story, has been, as he styled it, "fixed
ilup." - ; -
It is with bis permission, however,
that the following " extract from the
log of the White Wave is literally
transcribed :
October 3. IS7f.-Llitmie S7
47 infinites north, longitude 144 degrees
10 minutes west. .Forgeneeii Is rteaj and I
don't know what-to make of It. Ever i
since he came aboar.1 from the island hi3
helth have been good, but the remarkable;
swelliu have gone on until yesterday we
Was obliged tc bring him upon deck, -is he
had growed sri that I was afertrd we should
not be able to get him .through the vom
panionway. I was sifting beside him
when he died, and had just nsked hiirl
how do yon feel now. He said, all over
nins and needles like. I said, no pain be
sides? He said no, biit I feel like as if
everything was a stretching Slid growing
inside of me. Guess lm poisoned. 1
said I guess so. too. . Just then I herfr n
crack inside . of him, then another, and
another, three in all. lie clapped his
hands to his heart and chest and hisstumik.
give one groue and died. For curiosity I
nieasuredhim nnd find he is ix feet five
inches long and big in iiroportion.
October 4, 1879! Latitude 54 degrees
25 minutes north, longitude 144 degrees
50 minutes west. Have just buried poor
.'orgensen. When I went down to pick
up his kit I found in his bunk as many as
a dozen. I should think, ot them dam stones
oi whatever they be. which he bail brought
on board with him from rhe island. Three
was cracked open.- and I have no doubt
that lie had eate.nsffiieMnro- of tlie gelly
poisin, which he imi.-t liave got a tate for,
and which had brought on tlie swelling
that killed him. I pitched a handful of
the cussed things overboard, and was
abont to send them all to the fishes when
tlie idee smHliuly struck me that I would
keep part of a broken one and send it to
Mr. Ferris. Altogether it's the riimmiest
case I ever came ,ticros.'
This Hi. Ferris, the Ch plain explain
ed, was the son of the property owner
in Fngland on which he (Captain Will
iams) had been born and was' a gentle
man who had given himself up io
science and philosophy. Captain Wil
liams had already sent him some queer
odds and ends gathered iff his various
travels, and considered that a fragment
of this strange art'ele which had played
such an important pari in poor Hans
Jorgenseu's caieer would be acceptable
Mr. Ferris will doubtless be recognized
by the Chronicle readers as the cele
brated Professor Michael Ferrfs, F. It.J
S., author of "Tile First Principles ot
he Cell Theory," and one of TyuJall's
most promising disciples.
The article was carefully packed and
sent to Professor Ferris, who in acknowl
edging its receipt, wrote the following
letter, which we are permitted to
publish : v
142 Park Row Cheltenham.
January 22, 1830. J
My dear Williams i Tlie box with its
contents came to hand safely enough, but
what an u.isatislaciory fellow you are.
Yen should Icive written me every detail
concerning your late friend Jorgensetl,
adventure, described his appearance min
utely at the lime of his death and told me.
all the facts concerning the affair,, ever, if
it had kept you b:iek a whole season.
Above all. you should have sent me all
those prei-ion deposits insttad of pitching
thein like a heathen into the sea. I don't
kno-v if yon arc . aware of it. Captain
Williams, but when you threw those
"cussed stftnes" into the Alaska Sea von
threw away my chance of becoming Im
mortal. In revenge. I have a great mind
tn tell you iu the hardest language I can
think of what- those "cussed stones" con
tain. Are you awarei sir. that ttiey had
been lying on that deser' Aleutian Isle tor
more thousand of years than yon could
ever dream of? Do yon know," sir. that
they contained the elements of life from
which, cycles of years before Adam was
born, the first living things sprung into
existence? Do you know, sir, that if it
had not been for some volcanic net ion
whereby those masses of jelly were prison
ed up in tneir suieious sum, trotn tlietri
would have sprung the beginnings, ol a life
wtiu-n. is going on rrom stage to stage,
from einbiyo to perfection, might in time
have peopled the world ? Do von know.
Captain Williams, that there lav in those
cussed stones" a collection of energies
tn tne vuai timer tn which icrces would
have become forms, going on incessantly
producing and iiinltiplviitg new forces
ami new forms, and that I and mv masters
would have given our heads to have b"en
able to make tlie discovery which brought
.lorgeusen to tils death? Do you know
what Jorgensen discovered. Captain
Williams? He discovered the beg! tiling
of cosmic energies, he discovered a price
less microcosm, it. was Protoplasm that he
tasted, anil he tasted enough to stock a
province, with anything from a tadpole to
a megacros. It is no wonder, I think,
that Jorgensen died, and it is .no wonder
either that I sign myself
Your grievously disappointed friend.
Woman Kurira-fe.
The following is a copy of the speech
delivered by Assemblyman Gorelj-recently
at an Francisco on the question
permitting women to vote on education.
al matters.- It will repay perusal :
Mr. Speaker Had I the genius of
the Oregon poet or of the Sweet Song,
ster of the Sierras, Pd twine to night ft
chaplet worthy the brow of woman; tot
I see her as a brilliant Etar whoss lustre
for the present, dimmed by the dark
cloud of man's predjudice, but occasion,
ally swinging from her accustomed or
bit, rnsh madly to the fronts-pass over
the political firmament i dwarfing in
her brilliancy of intellect the mighty
mind of man then fot want ot room to
displty her mighty , genius, express,
leaving behind emblazoned upon the
pages ot justice, troth avd reason in
bumiing letters-'Behold die thus ex.
pire by man's perfidy ard his ire."
Applause. .But, Mr. Speaker, in the
absence of these God given gifts so lav
shingly bestowed upon the brows of
our western poets, allow mo to rpcat a
tew lines written under inspiration
while Contemplating this grand and
meritorious subject, entitled'An Apos
trophe to Woman."'
Mr. Del Valle (Intemiptifig)!. 1 I
move the gentleman have leave to print
his apostroph. Langhter. .
And like the coraet't flash o'er heaven's
blue . . a
Eclipsing" 8tar8 and planets aa It ficw
She spVang to life a meteor's light
In knowledge and in goodness toby;
And fiian, great planet by ber fiigbt-l
Grew dim amid the i
Of wLdom's chariot which she drew -And
as the new found star appears, q
Beyond the millions of its peers, , j
Ollmmering there as though constrained'
. To hide the brilliancy it contained,
.Then to the front on wheels of.llre ::
I rush there only to expire"."? . . ,
Typical of this brilliant star, Mr.
Speaker, is a woman. Why M. Speak
er, to my mind there is naught on earth'
more beaut'fu'l jMt. intellirll a
woman. Oniier brow i written Wra
and holy purity beautiful as thoughts
of Eden f pheres, while on .her cheek;
glows the spirit of Divinity.1- Ldud
applause- Amid the jarring disrtotds
of life, her voice is like the sweet; Idl
ings of a silver lute. Around her aiijgel
brow clustering glories of glossy ringlets
ripple in sunny ; waves -around-Jier
pleasant face, like sea billows around a
beautiful isle. . Mr. Speaker, rthe man
who could conscienciously oppose, this
mixture of our best society in the punch
bowl of politics, would be guilty of tak
ing his lemonade without sugar cr a
stick in it. Yes, the man wbo would op
pose this righteous measure would oppose
his wife from altenrting ft temperance
lecture, and compel ber to remain fit
home to sew agate buttons on his dirty
shirt. I am in favor of woman's' suf
frage, Mr. Speaker, the eminent 'and'
gifted orator, Mr.' Lane, of the J2th j iu
the contrary notwithstanding, who is
so anxious tor an opportunity - to ' ait
upon it with so ponderous a corporation.'
May the Lord have mercy on his sen I;'
for the women of our State cannot.
Wlvfjn years nave fled, and these luxu
riant locks of mine have mingled witlf
the gray, and perchance, too, I may beT
bald by piety -and virtuous ways, it will
le thy proudest plume not that I never,
but that I ever assisted woman from a-1
hell physically to a heaven politically."
As Mr. Gorley is perfectly denuded
of hair on the top of his head, this last
reference to his plume was extremely
ludicrous. ,.
; Kenp.
Something" to grin abont The month.
Catching the train picking up' tho
end of a lady's dress. '' ' ; '
Another good man gore wrong. lie
tackeled the "fifteen puzzle." . . , 1
A hoarse shoo never brings good
luck to a foraging hen. - -
Jones calls his wife a Nihilist be
cause she is always so anxious and
willing to blow him up. ,
Is a cornet player , likely to-become
intoxicated with the fpirit of tnnsie
when be goes off on ft "toot?"
"Inn trouble," , as the taTkeepor
shouted when the roughs kicked np si"
row in the bar-room. ' -
The young man wbd wants to ge
up with the sun must not sic up tbV
late with the daughter.' ' .V ,
- The Colorado people becamet to ex-;"
asperated at the Utcs tl at they hare
split all their-cigar store Indians -into
kindling-wood. ": '; f '''i.W.
A young lady np town repels hy
domestic slander that she is "fluctuat
ing." For I'm always at par to .buyv .
me something. . ; , . ...... fi f... . -. -
When the- tramp Chrlstiar, -anec jull
at tho door above, St. Peter : Jwtll.- end)?
him down to the wood-pile'-ftndT 'let
htm split kindlings lor the ,; lower ..W
gious. .-. '-, A ' - --.;.v : '" ,: ? .-r t
It is astonishing how full fotfr' wonfefr
can till a church pew made to 'accord-",
modate 6ix, when some woman they
don't like comes along the' aisle . itxjairc
ingly looking for a place to sit down.'
"Who is the motterof our country," 3
eagerly asks one of our exchanges." It '
is well we think IS Vio "Woodhtfltor
Mr. Mary Walker. Sara Tilden seems" !
to be tho grandmother of his country. .
It. is customary for the father to'
give the bride away at marriage, hut'
it is tbe real mart ; little 'boy brother'
that "gi ve be away" to a dozen beau'
before marriage. So the girls aiy v".
If yo scratch a bis Jl simply '
irritate it. The same i1 be said ol a 1
candidate. Thi paragiDh" has ap-
pea red in' various ; forms throngnoat .,
the ciountry, but we: believe ft ha'
nowhere assumed a xnalimucy eqna
to this. , , " .
As soon as Harden took ioectt
ing, the indignant 2k"ew XIaven:
tented a gold iP4ch to the jar
wanted to bang him. y