v
H -
1 1
- to
. of the
i k can be
..r invented, I
.ie 3d of March,
S. joliind the kitch-
en wall, v. was origfwallv in-
tended to tv3H a p'um-trjpe. The
exercise w&s $o mch to my taste, that
a strange humor impelled me to dig on.
A fascination held mo to th2 task. I
neglected my business. I disappeared
from the eai th's surface. A boy who
worked with a bar-kct by mekns ot a
rope and pulley, aided me; 6j aided, I
confined my whole attention jto ppade
labor in the hole. The centripetal force
teemed to havo made me its especial
victim I dug on until Autumn. In
the beginning or November I observed
that, uk.ii percussion, the 8-jund given
by the lioor ot my pit was resonant. I
did not intermit my labor, urged as I
was by a mysterious instinct downwards.
On applying mv ear, I occasionally
heard a subdued sort ot rattle, which
caused me to form a theory that the
center of the earth might be composed
of mucus. In November the ground
broke beneath me into a hollow nd I
fell a considerable distance. I alighted
oirthe box-seat ot a four-horse coach,
which happened to be running at the
time immediately underneath. The
coachman took no notice whatever of
suy sudden arrival by hie bide. lie was
o completely muffled up, that I could
observe only the skillful way in which
he manipulated reins and whip. The
horses wereT yellow. I hud seen no
more than thiiwben the guard" horn
blew, and presently we pulled up at the
i ii it . A waiter came out, and apjeared
to collect lour bags from the passengers
inside the coach. He then came round
-to mo. !
"Dine here, sir?"
"Yes, certainly," said I. I like to
dine not the sole point of resemblance
between myself and the great Johnson.
"Trouble you for your 6tomach, sir."
Whilethe waiter was looking up
with a polite stare into my puzzled face,
my neighbor, the coachman, put one
hand within his outer coat, as it to feel
lor money in his waistcoat pocKed. Di
rectly afterwards his fiDgers came again
to light, and pulled forth an enormous
sack. Notwithstanding that it was ob
normally enlarged, I knew by observa
. tiou of its form and texture that this
was a stomach, with the oesophagus
attached. This then the waiter caught
as it waa thrown down to him, and hung
it carelessly over his arm, together with
the tour emallcr bags (which I knew to
be also stomachs) collected frum passen
gers within tie coach. I started tip,
and as I happened to look round, ob
served a skeleton face upon the shoul
ders of a gentleman who sat immediate
ly behind my back. My own features
were noticed at the same time by the
jguard, wtaonow carue forward, touch
tig Ida hat.
"Bog your pardon, Sir, but you've
been and done it "
"Dodo what?"
"Why, Sir, you should have bookel
your place, aud not come up in this
clandestine way. However, you ve
been and done it ;
"My good man, what have I done ?"
"Why, 6ir, the Baron Terroro's eyes
had the box-seat, aud I strongly bubj ect
vou ve been and sat upon tnem. '
I looked involuntarily to see whether
I had been sitting upon anything except
the simple cushion. Truly enough,
there was an eye, which I had crushed
and flattened.
"Only one " I said.
"Worse for you, and better for him,
Tbe other eye bad a chance to escape.
and it will know you again, that's cer
tain. Well, it's no business ot mine,
Of course you' v e no appetite now for
dinner ? Better pay your fare, 8ir.' To
tbe Green Hippopotamus and Spectacles,
where we put up, it e ten-and six."
Is there room inside?" I enquired
It was advisable to Ehrmk from obser
vation.
"Yes, Sir. The inside passengers are
mostly skeletons. There's room for
three. Sir. Inside, one-pound-one."
I paid the money, and became an in
nde passenger.
CHAPTEK THE SECOND.
Ot Divisions' which occur in Skitzland
I am taken up.
Professor Essig's Lectures on Anato
my had so fortified me that I did not
ehrinjc from entering the Skitzon coach.
It contained living limbs, loose or at
tached to the skeletons in other respects
bare, except that they were clothed with
broadcloth garments, cut alter the ln
elish fasbkm. One passenger only had
a complete face of flesh, be had also one
Jiving hand ; the other baud I guessed
was bony, because it was concealed in a
glove obviously padded. By observing
hey
I might
There is a
imsey. But
employ the
jd uierefore many ot
of people send their hair
.1 receive it back by re--rly
cut and curled."
"Al ! Oh, indeed !''
gentlemen !" said a voice
low, and the waiter handed
.omachf, now tolerably 'well
Each passenger received his
..iy, and pulling ope'u his chest
.Ji as much composure as if he were
unbuttoning his wa'u-tcoat, restored his
stomach, with a dinner in it, to the right
position. Then the reckonings were
paid, and the coach started.
; I thought of my garden, and much
wished tiiat somebody could throw Pro
fessor Essig down the hole that I had
dug. A few things were to be met with
in Skitzland which would rati er puzzle
him. They puzzled me ; but I took ret-1
uge in silence, and so fortified, protected
my ignorance from exposure.
"You are going to court, Sir, I pre
sume V" said niy Face and Hand friend.
after a short pause. His face was the
only mouth in the coach, excepting
mino, so that he was the only passenger
able to enter into conversation. j
"My dear Sir." I replied, let me be
frank with you. I have arrived here
out of another world. Of the maimers
and customs, tay, of the very nature of . mortars in the sky, and stick there
the people who inhabit this country, I Those white glistning specks, they are
know nothing. For any information ' their skeletons."
yon can give me, I shall bo very grato- j Justice is prompt i;i Skitzland. I
ful." " was tried incredibly fast by a jury of
My friend smiled incredulity, and twelve men who had absolutely heads,
said : j The judges had nothing but brain,
"Whatever yon are p'eased to profess, mouth and ear. Three powerful lon
I will believe. What you are pleased gnes defended me, but a- they were not
to feign a wish for, I am proud to furn- j allowed to talk nonsense, they had little
ish. In Skitzland, the inhabitants, un- to say. The whole case was too clear
til they come of age, retain that illustrt- j to be talked into cloudiness. Baron
ous appearance which you have been so j Terroro, in persnn, deposed, that he had
fortunate as never to have lost. Dur- j sent his eyes to see a friend at Culmsey,
ing the night ot his twenty-first birth- j and that tliey were returning on the
day, each Skitzlander loses the limbs ; Skitzton coach, when I, illegally, came
which up to that period have received j with my whole bulk upon the bjx-seat,
horn him no education. Ol these neg- i which he occupied. That one ot his
lected parts the skeletons alone remain, j e3-es was, in that manner totally destroy
but all those organs which he has em- ; ed, but that the other eye, having es
ployed sufficiently continue unimpaired. ' caped, identified me, and brought to his
I, tor example, devoted to the study of brain inte'igenee of the calamity which
the law, forgot all occupation but to : had helaUeii. He"deposed further, that
think, to use my senses and to write.- I ,
ture "has deprived mo of them."
"Hut." I observed, "it seems that iu
Skitzland you are able to take yourselves
to pieces."
"N o one has that power, tsir, more
lareely than yourself. What organs
we have we can detach on any service.
Wren dispersed, a simple force of Na
ture directs all corresponding members
whither to rlv that they may re-assem
ble."
"If they can fly," I asked, "why are
they tent in coaches ? There are a pair
of eyes on the box seat."
: "Simply tor safety against acciaents.
Dyes Hying alone are likely to be siezed
by birds, aid incur many dangers.
They ara sent, therefore, usually under
protection, like any otner vaiuaoie par
cel "
"Do many accidents occur ?",.. j
"Very tew. For mutual protection,
and also because a single member is of
ten all that lias been left existing ot a
fellow Skitzlander our laws, as you, Sir,
know muclrtietter than myselt, estimate
the der-truction of any part absatt 011
duty from its tkeleton as a crime equiv
alent to murder "
After this I held ray tongue. Pres
ently my friend again enquired whether
I was going up to court .
" W hy should 1 go to court t"
"Ob, Sir, it pleases you to perfection.
You must be aware that any bkitz
lander who has been left by nature in
possession ot every limb, sits in the As
sembly ot the Perfect, or the Upper
House, and receives many state emolu
ments and dignities." ,
Are there many members of the Up
per Assembly ?"
sir, there are forty-two. Lut it you
are now traveling to claim your seat,
-1 . . . . . . .. .
vne numoer win do raised to loriy-tnreo.
'The Baron Terroro " I hiuted.
"My brother, Sir. His eyes are on
the box seat under my care. . Undoubt
edly ho is a Memer ot the Upper House."
1 was anxious to get out of the coach
as soon as possible. My wish was ful
filled alter the next pause. One Eve,
followed by six pairs of Arms, with
6trong hard Hands belonging to them, l
new m at tne winaow. 1 was collared ;
the door was opened, and all the hands
were at work to drag me out aud away.
The twelve Hands whisked mo through
the air, while the one eye sailed before
uu, like an old bird, leader ot the fight.
CHAPTER THE THIRD.
My Imprisonment and Trial for Murder.
What 6ort ot sky have they in Skitz
land ? Our earth overarches them, and
as tbe sunlight filters through, it causes
a subdued illumination with very pure
rays. Skitzland is situated .nearly in
the center ot our globe, it hangs there
like a shrunken kernel in the middle ot
a nut shell. ' The height from Skitzland
to the over-arching canopy is great ; so
great, that if I had not fallen personal
ly from above tbe firmament, I should
have considered it to be a blue 6ky sim
ilar to ours. At night it is quite dark ;
but during the day there is au appear,
auce in the heavens of white spots ;
their glistening reminded me of stars.
I noticed them as I wa6 being conveyed
strong arms of justice, , wag slowly with their heads, and some
i 'etachment of members times take a pocket handkerchief .out ot
'd polic that I was now ; a bag and drop it. But as their limbs
he air was very warm j are powerless, they have to be lifted and
he common observa- ! dragged about after the fashion that ex
of heat as you get ! cited my astonishment. ?
ir planet. The the-1 I said therf, "Let me see the poor,
mwever, is, you ier- i They took me to a workhouse. The
ed by my experience. ! men there were all yellow ; and they
the outskirts of a j wore a dress which looked as though it
-own. Through its j were composed of asphalt ; it had also
agged publickly, much ; a smell like that of pitch. I asked iur
. much staring. The street an explanation of these things.
busy nightmare of disjoint- j The superintei.dentcf police remarked
,. Professor .Essig, could he : that I was losing opportunities ot real
.ecu dragged through Skitzton, j enjoyment for the idle purpose of persist
would have delivered his farewell lec- ing in my fable of haying dropped down
Hire upon his return. "Gentlemen, from the sky. However, I compelled
Fuit Ilium Fuit Ischium Fuit S?a- him to explain to me what was the rea
crum Anatomy has lost her seat among ; son of these things. The information
the sciences. My occupation's gone." j I obtained, was briefly this ; that na
Protessor Owen's book "On the Nature tore, in Skitzland, never removes the
of Limbs," must contain, in the next ! stomach. Every man has to feed hi m
edition, an Appendix "Upon Limbs in ; self ; and the necessity tor finding food,
Skitzland." I was dragged through 'joined to the necessity tor buyivg clothes,
the street, and all that I saw there, "in is a mainspring whereby the whole
the present age of little faith, I daro. not clockwork ot civ ilized life is kept in mo
tell vou. I was drained through the tion. Now, if a man positively cannot
streets to prison and their duly chained,
after having lieen subjected to the kciu
tiny of about fifty couples of eyes drawn
up in a line within the prison door. I
was chained in a dark cell, a ceil so dark
that I could very faintly peeeive the
figure of some being who was my com
panion. Whether this indivdual had
ears wherewith to hear me, I could not
see, but at a ventnre I addressed him.
ilv thirst for information was uncon
querable; 1 began, therefo:e, immedi
ately with a ques.ion :
"Friend, what are those stars which
we see shining in the sky at raid-day?'-
An awful groan being an unsatisfac
tory reply, I asked again.
".Man, do not mock at misery,
You
will yourself be one of them."
"The teachers shall shine like stars
in the fiimament." I have a propensity
for. teaching, but was puzzled to ctiscov-
cr how I could give so practical an illus-
tration ot the text of Fichte.
"Believe me," I said "I am strangely
ignorant. Explain yourself.
He answered with a hollow voice.'
".Murderers are shot up out of the
having received this information, he
despatched his uncrushed eye with aims
from the police-office, and accompanied
with several members of the detective
force, to capture the offender, and to
procure tho full proofs of my crime. A
6ubinspector of Skitzton police then de
posed that he sent three of his faculties,
witii his mouth, eye, and ear, to meet
the coach. That "the driver, consisting
only of a stomach and bauds, had been
unable to observe what pa sed. That
the guard, on the contrary, had taxed
me with my deed, that he had seen me
rise from my seat upon the murdered
eye, and that he had heard me make
confession of my guilt. The guard was
brought next into court, and told his
tale. Then I was called upon for my
defence. If a man Wearing a cloth coat
and. trousers, arid ta king excellent Kng
lish, were to plead at the Old Bailey
that he had broken into some citizen's
premises accidentally by falling from the
moon, lr,s
tale woi
Id
be received in
London as mine was in Skiteton. I
was severely reprimanded for my levity,
and ordered to e silent. The judge
summed up and the j 'ry found me guil
ty. 'I he judge, who had put on the
black cap betore the verdict was pro
nounced, held out no hope ot mercy,
and straightway sentenced me to death,
according to the laws and usage of the
realm.
CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
The last Hours of the Condemned In Skitz
land I am executed.
Tbe period which intervenes between
the sentence and execution of a criminal
in Skitzland, is no longer than three
hours. In order to increase the terror
ot death, by contrast, the condemned
man is suffered to taste at the table ot
life from which j he is banished, the
most luscious viands. All the attaina
ble enjoyment that his wit can ask for,
he is allowed to have, during the three
hours lefore he is shot, like rubbish, off
tho fields of Skitzland.
Under guard, of course, I was now to
be led whithersoever I desired.
Several churches were open. They
never are all shut in Skitzton. I was
taken tnto one. A mau with li:e and
heart was preaching. People with
hearts were in some pews; people with
brains in others ; people with ears on'y
in some. In a neighboring church, there
was a Douiilar preacher, a skeleton with
life. Ilia mmo-recratioil was a CTv.wd of
;- o
ears, sod 'nothing more.
There was a day-pertbrnrance at the
opera. I went to thatoy Fine lungs and
mouths possessed the stasre. and after
wards, there was a grea bewilderment
with legs. ; I was surprised to notice
that many of the most beautiful young
ladies were carried in and out, and lifted
about like dolls. My guides sneered at
my pretence of ignorance, when I asked
why this was. But they were bound to
please me in all practicable ways, so
they informed me, although somewhat
pettishly. It seems that in Skitzland,
ladies who possess and have cultivated
only their good looks, lose at the age of
twenty-one, all other endowments, bo
they become literally dolls, but dolls of
a superior kind ; tor they can not only
open ana shut their eyes, but also eigh 5
feed and cloth himself, he becomes a pan
per. He then goes to the workhouse,
where he has his stomach filled with a
cement. That stopping lasts a life-time
and he thereafter needs no food. His
bod however, becomes yellow by the
superfluity of bile. The yellow-boy,
which is the Skitzland epithet tor pauper,
is at the same time provided with a
suit of clothes. The clothes are of a
material so tough that they can be worn
un:cpaired lor more than eighty years.
The pauper is no freed from care, but
were he in this state cast loose upon so
ciety, since he has not that stimulus to
labor which excites industry in other
men, he would become an element of
danger in the State. Nature is no
longer compelling him to work, the
law compels him. The remainder ot
his lite is forfeit to the use of his country,
lie labors at the workhouse, costing
nothing more than the expense ot lodg
ing, after the first iuconsideiable outlay
tor cement wherewith to plug his stom
ach, and fur the one suit of apparel.
Whe:i we earne out of the workhouse all
the bells in the city were tolling. The n
IM'i'iiitendent told me that I hail sadly frit
tered away my time, for I had now no more
than an hour to live. Upon tint I leaned
iny hack against a post, and asked hi-n to
prepare ie, for my part in the impending
ceremony by giving me a little information
on the sutiject ot execution" m general.
I fomul that it was tisn:il for a man to he i
executed with great ceremony upml the j el were hiwu a held ot wheat on the
spot whereon his crime had lieen committed, j farm of ! r. Bacchus which equaled any
That in case of rebellious or tumults in I wheat we ever saw. The heads were
the provinces, when large numbers were j . i , we fie(1 lhe
not unfrequentlv condemned to death, the i 1 1 ' r . ,
sentence of the "law was ear: ie;1 out iu the j very full, round and white. Oood
chief towns of the dKturIed districts. That ! judges say this field will yield 80 bush
large numbers of pi-nple were thus some- I els t the acre. Irrigation "is not neees-
iium ui?m,irtai in. in .i in..., i
a Mii"'le market i
place, and Unit the repejitetl strokes appear
ed to shake, or crack, or pierce in ome ile
gree that portion of the sky toward- w hich
the artillery had lieen directed. I here at
once saw that 1 had discovered the true
caiHe of earthquake- and volcanic ; aii'l
this shows how great Hlif may lie throwc
upon theories, coticei iitnjr I he imltlcii con
stitution of tlii-i earth, by goinjr tlei-per in
to the matter ot it tnan hail hceii tjone hy
tiny one before I dug my hole. Our volca
noes, it is now proved, are situated over
the market-places of varinu proximial
towns in Skitzland. When a vevoituion
happens, the rebels are shot up. discharg
ed from mortars by means of an explosive
material evidejitly far more powerful than
our gun-powder or gun-cotton ; and they
are pulverised bj- the friction in grinding
their way through the earth. How simple
ami easy truth appears, w hen we have once
arrived at it.
The srund of muffled drums approached
u, and a long procession turned the cor
ner of a street. I was placed in the middle
of it. Hirroii Terroro by iny side. Ail
then began to float so rapidly away, that I
was nearly left alone, when forty arms
came back and collared me. It was con.-id
ered to be a proof ot my refractory disposi
tion, that it would make no use of my in
nate power of flight. I wa then-tore drag
ged in this procession swiftly through the
air. drums playing, fifes lamenting.
We alighted 011 the spot-where I had fall
en' and the hole through which I had once
come I saw above me. It was very small. I
hut thi- liszlit from above siiininir more viv- !
idly through it made it look, with its rruli
edges, like a crumpled moon. A quantity
of some explosive liquid which they call
glycerine was poured into a l;ige mortar,
which had lieen erected under the eye of
Baron Terroro exactly where niy inisfort
tne happened. I was then thrust in. the
baron ramming me down, and pounding
tne with a long stock or pestle upon my
he:d iu a noticeably vicious man ier. 'Ilie
bill-on then cried fire.' and as I shot out,
in the mid.-t of a blaze, I saw him looking
upward.
CHAFTKR THE FIFTH.
My revenge on the Skitzlanders.
By great good fortune, they bad planted
their artillery so well, that I 'was fired up
through my hole again, and alighted 111 my
"in gMrh:n. just a little singed. My first
thought was to run to an ailioiiiintr b-d ot
vegetable marrows. Thirty, vegetable mar
rows nd two pumpkins I mined down to
nstonish the Skitzliiuder. and I fervently
hope that, one of tliem may have knocked
out the remaining eye of niy vindictive en
emy, the baron. I then wont into the pan
try, and obtained a basket full of enrtrp, and
having rained these down on the Skitzland
ers. I 1 ft them.
It wa after breakfast when I went down
into Skitzland. and I came back while the
dinner bell was ringing.
IIOOOMTER.
Hood river is a small tributary to the
Columbia, its mouth being about 20
miles west from Dalles City and 2-4
miles from the Cascades, and in tho
State 'Oregon. It takes its name from
that old while mountain of the Cascade
range, whose perpetual snow in summer
supplies the stream with its a most
milky-white water, .Its general course
is northeasterly, following a valley, or
, .V . " it-
depression m the mountains, which is
supposed to be the t rack ot an immense
glacier which had its flow here in ages
when, possibly, even the dashings of the
lordly Columbia had not yet broken the
stillness of this western world. Hood
river, at this season of the year, has a
good supply ot snow water, whitened
with the volcanic ashes of the mountain.
until it resembles somewhat the prepara
tion ot chalk aud water supplied at ho
tel tables in lieu of cream, and dignified
with the name ot milk. It has numer
ous falls and cascades which, in the dis
tance leaves one in doubt whither it is
not a streak of white sand instead of a
boiling and turbulent torrent. Later
iu tie season, when tbe siicws have ceas
ed tj melt, the water becomes as clear as
crystal, and trout are abundant. About
14 miles tip the river the valley proper
begins. The heavy growth of' pine, fir
aud other timber of the mountains grows
sparser and the white oak appears in
pleasant contrast with the sombre hues
of the dark forest on the mountain sides.
Thin valley is, on an average, about six
miles wide, though it does not lie in
regular form. Much of what is called
the valley consists of upland, slightly
rolling, and dotted here and there with
a mixture of oak and pine timber.
There is but little underbrush, and that
i
littlfe is partly composed of the fragrant
shushula, from the flower of which bees
extract the most delicious honey. The
open timber of the country constitutes
the most varied and beautiful sceneiy.
Forsaking the .road, the traveler can
ride his horse or drive with his carriage
for miles beneath the spreading branch
es o " the white oak. These trees are
c'.ea i, straight and symmetrical, and
beai acorns in great quantities. In the
vall.'y proper of the river, and along
the lpland near the Columbia liver, the
soil jis a sandy loam with a gravelly sub
soil.) Back from the river the subsoil
is of clay and very much resembles the
red jhills of Yamhill county and the sub
soil Jin other localities of the Willamette
valley. Fruit ot all kinds common to
thisjzone grows here in the greatest per
fection. The Hood river peaches have
the (deserved reputation of leiiig the
best! that Oregon can produce. This
yea they are smaller than usual and are
very mud) blighted, an unusual occur
rence, whichis attributed to the remark
ably open winter. How or why the
open winter should thus effect the fruit
we cannot understand ; let some pom,
ologist answer.
It was once thought that this country
was too dry to rai.-e wheat; but this
hasj upon trial, been found to Ihj a great
mistake 'The soil is very rich, and ad
i 1-;...., ,.fr SYf;.. .71,1 nt.n.J.,. .....
lv'"Yi 1 """
...pj ,,, ,,i,ier to liio.lnep rrnurt er.mK-
1 r.qier cul' ivatiou at the right season
of the year is all that is required
'Inhere are many reasons why this
couiitrv is indeed a paradise i" thefas
c:i'l( in-"tni aii. s. I he atmosphere of
I nH uioiii.taio region is'liul't, rlrv. pure
i ai-dj invig rat i ng.
I he water tlowini;
springs is clear as
: )- -til 1 he iiiimeroii
.crystal ami, likewise.
pure a:.d wh.-le-water
together
e. ucli air ami
cm litutua tonic which can nexer be
eqiuled by any pre pa rat ions of materia
mC'Hra. A number of the residents
hero came as invalids and are now strong
and robust peop e. Mrs. Henry Hoyt,
if Portland, whs an invalid, almost help
less, and alter a three-weeks' stay was
able to walk around out doors, a d be
tors going home, to Portland, walked
to the country postoffice and back. Mr.
Crqeket, of Whidby's Island, W. T
wa4 totally out ot heath. He moved
to fjlood river and is now a compara
tively well man. Mr. Pealer came from
loWa utterly broken down in health ;
hail not been able to do a day's work
for ft veu years. Now he is robust and
can do as much work as anybody.
.Many-other instances might lie cited did
s-psi-e iK-rmit. 1 his climate is well adap-
i ted to iieisiuis- afflicted with throat and
liu,r tumbles and uitli rheumatism and
dyspepsia. Located on the eastern slope
ol tilie Cascade range, this locality is not
visited hy the continuous and heavy
rains so common to the western slope.
The air is dry and bracing through the
yreuter par- of the year. i here are no
heavy dews, and yet, owing to the pres
enc of mountain forests tin every hand,
the e is more moisture here during the
year than there is further east, on the
rolling prairies beyond the Dalles. At
thi4 season occasional warm days occur,
but) not warmer than 011 the Columbia
at Vanc nver, and not so warm as in
j I , ,rt In the summer the wind
blows ir.m the northwest, in the winter
from the east and southeast, which is
very seldom, 'lhe valley is surrounded
in every side by mountains, which great
ly moderate the toree ot prevailing
winds, tempering them into balmy
breezes which'are delightful in the hot
summer weather.
The scenery herealn uts is superlative
ly grand and magnificent. In the yiew
looking noith stands Mount Adam,
while looming up in the southern hori
zon is 'Nouiil Hood, both ot them
might' chiefs among the serried ranks ot
; lesser mountains. Then there are moun
! tains all around til lesser note, but from
j whose lieetling crags high in air, and
I jagged sides corr.ii-catr d with basaltic
I Took, de-wwds a wild grandeur to de
mand the adoration of" man. Here, aiso,
! are seen the moxl gorgeous Minsets; the
'. whole heavens taking on a rseate tinge,
: amJ delicate lieautv blends with the sur-
I rounding scenery. The Ibce of nature
is picturesque, a ,d the great Columbia,
det 11, silent ai.d majestic, reflects the
. phad' ut lhe moull,ain heighu upon
the bosom of its dark
coiiver Independent.
waters, Ku'n-
.- . . .
rriio TJiiKsian militarv man has one
ncjeworthy feature in tho carefulness
with which the civil authority is estab
lished as the armies advance and new
tei ritorv is acquired. Ku.garia has been
provided with a government by her own
pepple. When the Turks leave, the
Czar evidently intends they shall have
no! show to return.
Nasby says : "An excellent lite m-
shoorence agent waz spiled when Samuel
Tildon went into pollytics.
How a Turk Tried a Sword. '
Troops of newly-recruited soldiers are
every day passing through Constantino
ple on their way to the seat ot war.
They are but little removed above sav
agec. They are truculent, insolent, and
utterly destitute of anything like' defer
ence to other people's feelings. They
walk three or four abreast in the streets,
giving no room and knocking people
right and left. While walking with a
friend in the Grande Hue de Pera, a
groop of them broke in between us and
hurled us almost across the street.
There was no use of remonstrating, for
there would soon have collected a crowd
of M usstilmans and woman and children,
with a pack of yelping curs, and we
would have been put in the wrong as
Giaours. Recently a turkish soldier
went into the bazar at Demascus to buy
a sword. To try the temper ot one, he
looked around tor some object. Jii.
at that moment a Jew happened to pass.
In the twinkling ot an eye, with a sweep
ing blow he cut off the head of the Jew
as clean as thou jh it hid been done by
the ax of tlie executioner. Turning to
the merchant he coolly pronounced it ot
good steel, paid the price, and went
his way. The Jews in a body demand
ed his arrest and punishment. The
governor took no other notice of their
outcries than to order him to join his
regiment. I mention these incidents to
give you an idea of the kind of life we
live here now. Constantinople letter.
Prepared fok the Focrth. The
Philadelphia Bulletin had this:
"Oh, I'll have a blazing time on the
Fourth!" yelled a boy from the "city
hall steps yesterday at another in the
yard.
"Going to shoot oft your mouth?"
sndered the other.
"No, I hain't going to sl.e-oot off my
mouth, but I've got a firecracker as big
as your leg, two hundred torpedoes, six
old muskets and a sky rocket. Mam
sold the stove biler yesterday for lemons
and sugar, dad is around trying to pick
gooseberries for a pie, we've got the
dead thing on a yearling chicken, aud if
you want to see the Goddes of Liberty
turn handsprings over the clothes line,
you come around and look through the
alley fence."
Judge Drummond of Illinois has just
outlawed certain outrageous gas con
tracts iu which the city of Chicago has
lcen involved by corrupt city authority.
The contracts run for ten years, and are
apparently good on technicality, but
Judge Drummond says that "members
of a city council in this conntry 'are
nothing but trustees of the public, and
it cannot be that powers vested iu them
be flittered away by contract or parcel
ed out t individuals or corporations so
as to place thve powers beyond con
trol." It is very refreshing to hear a
Judge meet tecln icality with the plain
'it cannot be" of justice.
The first submarine cable was that
laid across the Strait of Dover, 27 years
ago. It parted next day, and the first
working cable was laid, in 151, on the
same route. The network of a cable
has now extended so far that when Asia
is united to America by cabling the Pa
cific, the electric girdle around the world
will be completed from East to West,
as it now is between North and South.
A Hessian printer charges 5 to print
100 visiting cards. This is about ten
times as much as the American printers
charge for a similar job. But then it
takes the former ten times as long to set
up a Russian name, and although the
card is two feet long he is sometimes
obliged to run a few syllables of the jaw
breaker on tho other side.
A man arrived in Buffalo the other
Jay with his mother for the purose of
putting her in au insane asylum. After
doing so his own conduct excited suspic
ion. He said Ins anxiety mr hi? mother
had made him nervous, and that he had
not had his regu'ar sleep tor several
nights. He was kept at the hotel over
inghf, and the next morning was a rav
ing maniac
Baltimore lias a queer old man who,
every dav at 1 o clock, goes through
certain streets and takes his stand near
a pump. There he remains, counting
aloud the persons who come for watei
until the number reaches 17, when he
turns and goes the way he came to his
homo,
mcy
I At
stated from Vienna that a man
named Bernik, a gnm of an aristocrat
ic house, during a tit of religious fervor
nailed both bis feet and left hand to the
floor ot his bedroom, and then with' a
knife cut his left side open. During the
entire operation lie gave no signs of
pain.
The small bov of the office, who had
evidently been to church on Sunday,
iust now aked us "Why is General
Howard lKe Mrs. Potiphar?'" and on
our giving it up replied, ''Because he is
t.rvino- to entrao Joseph." He was
kicked out.
Tho kins ot Holland has offered to
send 40.000 tulips to the Paris Exposi
ti..n of 1878. He will also send some
of his gin t keep the two lips moist.
The Dubuque Times says that Prof.
Tice, whom it calls the weather huckster
of the West, has arranged tor bl thun,
der storms tor Iowa this esummer.
Characteristic leader from an Arkan
sas country weekly Our respected
chief being off on his annual drunk, no
editorial appears this week.
Senator Bogy loses $100,000 by the
failure ot the Commercial Insurance
Company, of which his son was Presi
dent.
He who labors with the raiud governs
others ; he who labors with the body is
governed by' otuere.
Tbe farmer's best vest harvest.
Musical. Mis. Jfcttie Piper,
Vocal and Instrumental moVic, lias i
eher cl
lessons In the above naqnc a branches. I a
had several years experience in teau L
m
auu can give me nest ot rtiereuceg. t 4
FLAITIXO, Steaajpln, Cutting mt FS4"
ting, Plain Sewing, Hair Weaving, etc. CtWlsis
and fittltiR Children's Clothing i L,.
la lattheroonisaajoiniosrthaitxlUMm, T,
Albany, Oregon. Mm. ci, 5.
Major White Is located on C 7 V
of Fox Bro.'s, First street, Albai CJIL j !"-
such as repairing watches, clocks, and Lwl
elry. Also, engraves door-plates, aifVetW'
vnive nun x can. f .
The Richmond Range Is a great wood
saver, and as It throws out less heat than
any otlier good, range or stove, It Is way
up for Summer use. '" '"
A CARD. ;
To all who are ButTerlng- from tlo errora an 4
indiscretion!) of youth, nervooB wen k newt, Rur-iw -decay,
loss of mimhnoci. Ac., I will wend arecinti
that will euro yon, FREE OF I HABtJK. ihla
great remedy waa discovered by a miatttionary
In Sont h America. Send a aelf-addrewM.-d envo
:or to the Rev. Joseph T. Jnxan, Huuion M,
Bible Hvutc, Kete York. n8v9.
wim
FOR SALK 1
AVERT DESIRABLE buBi.icw lo! 60x100 fft
on the corner of Second i.nd "WoMblne-tott
streets, Allmny. Also, Engine, lioder ntt jiiat.
chinerv. toirether with a lot t-f furniture. tnl
ders, wheelbarrows, harrows. Ac. All to be :
sold off cheap for cask In conaeqnenfce of re
moval on account of sickness. Enquire on tb4
pretniHetiof .. PUTSA-H A CO.
Albany, Jan. 19, X877-nl7
i FOR . L' -
BLANK DEEDS,
, , Neatly executed, :
Call :i tb p Register OHce
r .
OREGON SOLID
'i FOR V ::.
SHEHRILL1
CULTIVATOR
f. AND
SEEDflE.
All Important Farts made of
AliTistaTjle to &7 reinirea
sriiila In motion.
Rover Cloara or Ciokos ca StuTsl
.'Trasliy'' Ground.
A rran gful for two. t b roe or four horoca Are
Lightest Draft Machine In use.
iveraana i;iiinuiiiivKiiH"V' ' 1'
Broadcast Seeders -will sow Ml KIDS
grain, wet or dry, ,
EVERY
MACHINE
RANTED.
W Ad
- -CM
T'aub- ,t-v fnvmnr tn'Tmlnft mv Seedef Slid
nirivntnr Iw-fore -nurcliHolnir an Kanterl !
hino. For further particulars address
JAMES SIIEItltll:
llnrrlsbursr, OreCon.
February 9, 1677-20v9
JOBING
JOB PUT!
HAVING i FURCIIABEU Ti f .x-v-tenmve
Job Printing EsUbU -Tfenja
i
of the "State Right Democrat," h a wj
"Albanv Begiwer," w are prepaid
execute in first-class style, . .
I
PROHPfLT & REASOaV
i All kind of .
BOOK & JOB
.. - i ' '
posters ! and prcc?j.:.::J3
Or Every Description, j
BILL - HEADS AK0 STATEr.Eifo,
Bills of Fare.
LETTER HDBlAiS
- if '
BRIEF A KD LEQAI. &LJ8
Cards of all Kinds and
l.X
Circulars, x ,
Pam pbletH,
. Blank t'beckn, '
Receipts,. '
Mortgages,
and
MANSFIELD & LXPITTi 11
fin "ill
3S
i