The Albany register., March 03, 1876, Image 1

VOLUME 'VIII.
ALBANY, OREGON, MARCH 3, 1876.
NO. 24.
BUSINESS CaKDS.
SAMUEL. E. YOUNG,
Wholesale- intil KiJ:iil Dealer in
DRY GOODS,
CLOTHING,
GROCERIES,
BOOTS & SHOE?,
THRESHERS,
REAPERS & MOWERS,
WAG0N3, PLOWS,
, SEED DRILLS, u,
BROADCST SEED
SOWERS. ETC
'To I'm
St. -CharlesHotel,
Corner WashliiKtoii mid FlrtttMs
OREGON,
Matthews & Morrison,
"" PROPRIETORS.
f
House, iipwly furnished throughout. The
1h1 the market affords always oil tin: tabic.
I'rce 'oim'1 to and from 11m lEoue. -
r. c. ii a it pur & co.,
Jvnlers In
3 x-ar- C3r o o 30 je t.
rim, Fsnry Vowfa, Sol lans, Shatxans
nnd Pfcttols, Stalls, Rope, Slrrarx,
WHllinper, Wood nnd Willow
Wure, Trunks and VnlhiVM,
, , docket Cutlery, &n At.,
Sold very low oil her for cash, or to prompt pay
HAS ' insr etistomers on time. 1
Ktii.iH and Moving lSuildiiigg.
WE THE rXDKRSKSXKt liK5 T.K.VVK TO
announce to the ciiizi-ns of Allnmv and
surrounding country that. having :!ippiieil our
selves with the nimessary machinery for rais
ing and rvuioviiiic buildings, we are ready at alt
time to receive orders for such work-, "whic h
we will do in short or-ler at lowesr m?es. We
Kimrantee entire satisfaction tn all work under
taken by us.
orders left at the Rkoistkr office prompt Iv
attented to. Applv to.
Alba, " BAXTV, AI.T.EX & CO.
Or April ia. 1875. 2uv7
I7nOM AXI AJTKR DATE, UXTII. SVK
. 1 her notice, freight from
I'OUTLAM) to
WILL UK
ONE DO LIA RPEiTtOa
All down freight will lie deUvcrc-l nt PORT
LAND or ASTUKl.V
Free of Orayagc and YVharfagre,
At Reduced Rates.
Boats will leave A.I. I AN Y for I OB V ALUS or
I'.HiTI.AXK
Evo r y 3D zx-y
For further purticnJar, apply to
lirAt'II Ac MOXTKITII,
Albany, Xnv. 51, T4-12 AgrnU
H'lA".LtV.
RE NOWOl'EXLS'G A M AUX IFICES T
slock or
FALL AND WINTER ; GOODS I
selected witb caimans boihtjjft coin at
Scandalously Iov Insure
and as we bought low w chb and Will soil them
Astonish, Everybody.
Come and seo oar select ion s of
Ilrnw Vood,
Plnes,
Itrllllnnles,
Mrelllcit(
i if.
Xlibbons Collar, ColIareUcs,
for the ladies, and our complete llnee of
ReadymadeCIothihg,
IoHlery.
t .. ' "' 4'(,ouaIe ..
CMiMtliuereH,
Cloths,
4 Wfcoaw, i r tft :! I
lioobt, f !
;p, . . .!-.. .
IlatH,
of all description! for man andboya. ' 'Alsto, full
assortments of
Groceries, Croctery anLJUassvare.
t "-. t everj-oUy.- w ' - -
Thn tjost goods, at the lowest rates every time.
trtr Vmiiu and
Lebanon, Oregon, October 30, 1874.
,,,jMf'M-',!; Ufi rjI--"
Furniture Varerooms.
FRED OltAF,
TTAVIXO purchased the entire tnterr-nt of .
XI JoUar in the late firm of Graf & t ollar. in
the furniture business, takes this opportunity
to return his thanks to the citizens of Albany
and vicinity who have so jreneroufdy patron
ized him Irr the past, and rerfpectfuily ask a
contiaaaneeof t ho name. taAli Ulnlof tm
niture kept on uandaudmaiiufaof nred loonier
at lowest rates. - . - i'UEU Git AF.
Albany, Nov. 13-v8n8 " !
Eath IIouss & Barber Shop.
THE 17XDKRSrjSSFI WOULD HERPKtrT
fully thank the citizens of Alimn and vl
etnit v for the li!ei-al pittrotiave tsmoil on
hitira for the past seven year, and hopes for the
future a eontimiation of their favors. For the
accoin motlat ioti of transient, eustomers, and
frieivl) in the upiier'parl of town, he lias oix-n-d
a neat little shop next dofir to Taylor Bros.
Sulixiu, whore a stood workman will ulways Uu
in :ti .leitdumto lo wait .upon imtrons.
leu.ll,l!7i. .JOKM'KliliKn;'
Q- S.
MKWHKAOlS CRUIP.
ONE V
iautq twain's i.atkst axd
UKST THIXiiS.
A caj.ital t-ketch is that ot Mark
Twain's on the "Experiences ot the Je
Williamses with membranous cr.up."
The saul McWilfiams thus i elates Jiis
osnVrSMK A .5,1 t " ? : .: ( .t .
t.'.VcI!, to go back to where I was
before I digressed to explain to yon
how that frightful and incurable disease
nijOrii toti6ii"erorf i:ii ra vaig vthe"
lowli and driving , all ..mothers mad
witft terror, I called 3frs. SlcWilliams'
atUnitiou to little Penelope aid said :
S Darling, I wouldn't let that child
be'ehewing that pine stick, it I were
JTrcciou, wh?re is tlie harm in it!"
paulshe, at,the same lime preparing to
lak away the stick for women cannot
receive 4he;mosr ia,liably jndicions Fng
gestiou Vithbut arguing it : that is mar
ried women."
"Love, it is notorious that pine is the
least nutritious wood that a child can
eat."
My wile's handjiausedf in the act ot
taking the st iek'f and , returned itself to
her lap. 5jiiebridle4 perceptibily, and
said : "lIubty,yoii know better than
that. You know yon do. I3octors all
say that tire turpentine in pine wood is
go.nl tor weak back and kidneys " f
"Ah ! I was under a misapprehension.
I did not know that (he child kidneys
a .l spine .went affected, and that the
family physician had recommended "
"Who said. that the child's ppine and
kidneys were a fleeted J" . -"iVly
love, yon intimated it."
"The idea ! I never intimated any
thing of the kind." , , ....
'Why, rav dear, it hasen't been two
minutes since you said "
"Bother what I said! I don't care
what I did say, j There u? no harm in
the child's chewing a bit ot pine stick
if she wants tor and ym know it per
fectly well. And ,he -shall chew it,
tool - So there, now !" '
"Say no more my dear. I now see
the force of your reasoning, and ,J wi'J
go and order two cr three cords of the
best pine wood to-day. Kq child of
mine sha'l want while I "
"O, please go along to your office,
and let me have peace. A body can
i.ever make the simplest remark, but
you must take it up and go to arguing
till you don't know what yon are talk
ing about, and you never do."
"Very well it shall be as' yon say.
IJut there is a want of logic in your
last remark which " ? - '
However, she was gone with a flour
ish before I could finish, and had taken
the child with in r. s '1 b:it night at din
ner she confronted me with a face as
white as a sheet.
'0,..Mortmior,ther'. another ! Lit
tle Ceorgie tiordon is taken."
"Membranous croup!".. ,
'Membranous croup."
"Is there any Ifofkj tor Itim!"
'Xcdc iu the wide world? ,Or. what
is to becutart of os " u 1 1 li
; Jiy'ftli'd by'oftV inirse brought ui ?our
Peiieh.pe to say good-night" and oiler
the customary prayer at't'ne mother's
knee. In the midst of "Xow T lay ine
down to slet-n "J:p piv n slJ rht .it.rl,
My wi?e fell back like one stricken with
death. " !ttt' tfse next moment she" ; was
up and running away with the active
ness which terror inspires. : 1 ' -She
c-nunaiKled tliat the child's crib
be removed front' the nursery to our lel-
roim ; and she went along to seetlie
order execuUtl. M,e took me with hor.
ff.lMC feOtlitfatters arrailied
ButnovMii. SlcWlll&ms Sidie
x-1 " naj irom u e otner uaoy,
and what it he were to have the symji.
".i'?wie-igni,, ftiuXj she : uJanchetl
againjKM??I,ilig .,v,--wt,
UTfl I , . . 1 .1 , .
o vnc iwujreu.uie.rio Atioy ine
nurse to the nursery, and put np a bed
tbr ourselves in a room adjoining.
icrci.i,, nowever, iirs. nic imams
s&ir:, supjMise the baby should catch it
from Penelope 2 This thought struck a
new panic to her heart, and the trilie of
us coidd iio,get Jjie crib, ou$ xL
nurserv tastnowrli f, 5at;irw'4 ir?Ki?
thouglt she assisted in her own nerson
and M;ellHgknlle3"tfie?crib tgTpfec6
; hatlUKrije-tfi. swim
We moved down stairs, but there
was no place to stow the nurse, and
Mrs. McWild'ams said the nurse's ex
perience would be an inestimable help.
So we returned,. bag and "baggage to
our own bed-room once more, and felt
a great gladness, lifee iprra-bufFeted
bird tlit have $Mtifih&.esik ?Agaiav.
Mrs. McVVilliams sped to the nurs
ery to see. how things wergoingo,,
there. Site was back in a moment with
a new dread. She said :
" What can make baby sleep , so I"
I said: . A. 2
"Why, my dpiling, baby always
sleeps hke a graven image."
"i know, I know. but there's (some
thing peculiar about his sleep now.
lie seems to he seems to breathe bo
regtdarhj. O, this is dreadful." ,
"But, my dear, ho always breathes
regularly.",. . - .- .
"Oh, I 'know it," but' litre's ? some
thing trightrar about it now. His nurso.
is too young and inexperienced. . Maria
shall stay there with her, ani be ' on
nanu ji anytiiing noppens." '
"That's a good idea, but -
idea, but who will
he'p you!"
"You can he!p me all I vant. I
wouldeu't allow anybody -to do any
thing but myself, anyhow, at such a
time as this"
I said I would feci mean to lie abed
and sleep and leave Ler to watch and
toil over our little patient all the wea-
ry night. But she reconciled me to it.
So old Maria departed and took up
her ancient quartern in the nurserv. ;
Penelope coughed twice in her" sleep.
"Oh; why don't the doctor come!
Mortimer, this room is too warm. Turn
off the register juick !"
I shut it ofl", glancing at the ther
mometer at the same time, and wonder
ing to mye.ii it u was too warm tor a
sick child The coachman arrived from
down town, now, . with' the news'that
our physician was ill and confined to
his bed. Mrs. McWilliams turned,
dead eye upon me, and said in a dead
voice: "There is providence in it. It
is foreordained. He never was sick be
fore. Never. We have not been liv
ing as we ought to live. ' Mortimer.
have time and time again, told you so,
.Now you see the result. Our child
wilt-never get , well. Bo thankful if
you can forgive yourself, I; nercf-' caVl
forgive myself." v
I said, without -mtent to hurt but
with lieedle.-s choice of words, that I
could not see that we had; .been living
such an abandoned life.
"Mortimer ! Do yon want to Lring
tlte judgment upon baby, too?" '
Tlien she began to cry, but 'suddenly
exciaimeu : ,,; . . t ,, ... ,.,..,
"The doctor must have sent medi
cines!" j ' i .
I said : ' ' -.-'
- v-erianuy; tney are here. 1 was
i : . f
uiuy ailing lor voir 10 give me a
chance."..
"Well, do give them to me ! Don
you know that every moment is precious
now r J ut what was the use in send
ing medicines, when he knows that the
disease is incurable I '
I said that while there was life there
was hope.
nope: -'ioiT.imer, von know no
more what you are talking about than
the child unborn. It ; yrn would
tTl
.'.s i live, me uireciions say give one
teaspoontul once an hour ! as if we
had a whole year before us to save the
child in. Mortimer, please hurry
Please give the poor perishing thing s
tablespoontul, and trv to be quick."
"Why, my dear, a tablespooful might
"Don't drive me frantic.
There, there,
there, my precious, my own ; its nasty.
bitter stuff, but its good tor Nelly
good tor mother's precious darlins:, and
it will make her well. There, there.
there, put the little head on mamma's
breast, .and go to sleep, and pretty soon
Oh, I know she can't live till morn
ing ! Mortimer a tablespoonhil every
half hour will . Oh,thc child needs
belladonna too; I k.now she does and
aconite, uei inem .uonufier. Aow
do let me have my way. You know
nothing about these things."
We now went to I oil, placing the
crib close to my wife's pillow. All this
turmoil had worn upon. me, and within
two minutes I was something more than
"naif asleep. Mrs. MeWilliams aroused
me :
"Darling is the register turned on?"
"No."
"i thought as much. P.ease turn it
on at or.ee. This room is cold."
I turned iton,' al.d presently " felt
asleep again. I was aroused rtnee m-.re,
"tearie, wouia von mina movmo-
th.3 crib to your side of the bed V It i
i carer the legister." ' J "
I moved it but had a collision with
thertigand woke up the child. I dozed
off once more,' while my wife' quieted
the sufferer. " But in a little while these
words came murmuring remotely
through the fug ot my drowsiness
I "Mortimer, if we only had some
gooso-grease-r will you Thtg?" ; ? .
I climbed drearily out, and stepped
on a cat, which responded with protest
and would have got a convincing kick
for it it a chair had not got it instead.
! "Now, Mortimer, why do you want
to turn up the gas and wake up the
child again ?"
"Because I want to see how qiuch I
am hurt;aroline ". ''.-
"Weil,; look at the chair, to-jIdiave
no doubt it is ruined, l'oor 'cat, sup
pose you 'haii-". '" ; .
-'Now, Ian not goitrg to suppose
anything about the cat. It i:ever would
have occurred if Maria had been allow
l ed to remain here and attend to these
duties which are in her liue, and are not
in mine."
"Ndwrortimer. lsli'ould think you
would be ashamed to make a remark
like that. It is a pity it you cannot do
the few little things' that I ask of you
at such an awful time as this, when our
"ihere, there, 1 will -do anything
fbxx want me to. liut I can't raise any
body with this belL They're all gone
to bed. Where is the goose grease ?"
"On the mantle-piece in tlte nursery.
If you'll step there and speak to Maria
J I fetched tlie goose-grease and went
to sleep again. Once more I was called.
, "Mortimer, I 6o hate to disturb yon,
but the room is still too cold for me to
try to apply this stuff. Would you
mind lighting the fire ? It is all ready
to touch a match to."
I dragged myself out and lit the fire,
and then sat down disconsolate.
," Mortimer, don't sit there and catch
your death of cold. Come to bed."
: As I was stepping in, she said !.
"But wait a minute. Please give
the child some more of the medicine."
Which I did. It was a medicine
which made a child more or less lively ;
so my wife made use of its waking in
terval to strip it and grease it ail over
with the goose oil, I was asleep once
more, but once more I had to get up.
"Mortimer, I feel a draft. I feci it
distinctly. There is nothing so bad for
this disease as a draft."'' Please move
the crib in front ot the"fire.
I did it, and collided with the ru"
agaiu, which I threw into the fire. 'Mrs.'
McWilliam ; sprang aont of bed and
rescued it, and we had some words. I
had another trilling auterval of sleep,
and then got up, by request, and con
structed a rlaxsee poultice. This was
p'aced upon the child's 'breast and left
there to do its healing work.
A wood fire is not t permaueiit thing.
I got up every twenty minutes and re
newed oum, ; and . t4s gave, Mrs. Mc
W i1liams an opportunity to shorten the
times of .giving the medicines by ten
minutes, which was a great satisfaction
to her. N ow and then, between times,
1 reorganized the flax-seed poultices,
and applied sinapism and other blisters
where unoccupied places could be found
upon the child." Wl, oa morii
iug the wood" gave out, aiVd nly wife
wanteu .me to go aown cenar ana get
some more. T' said: '
'My dear, it is i'laborioiisf 3)li, and
tlie child must be nearly warm enough,
with her extra clothing. Now, mightn't
we put on anotner, layer ot poultices
and- .::!!; mnt?
I did not finish, because. I was inter
rupted, I lugged wood iip from below
for some little time, ind then turned in
and fell to snoring as only a man can
whose strength isalhgone and whose
soul is worn out t! At last, at broad day
light, I felt a grip on my shoulder tliat
brought me to my ; senses ; suddenly.
My wife was glaring down upon me
and gasping. As soon as she conId
command her tonguehe- said : .
"It is all' over! 1 All over! The
child's perspiring! What shall we do?"
'Mercy, bow you terrify me! I don't
know. wlia. we ought to do. Maybe
if we scraped her and put her into the
draft again " -. - . , . ; '
"Oh, idiot ! . There is not a moment
to lose. Go for the doctor. Go your
self. Tell him lie must come, dead or
alive."- :-.,;- - -.--, .r.-..
I dragged that poor sick man from
his bed and brought him. ,! lie looked
at the child and said she was not dying.
This was joy unspeakable to me but
it made my wife as mad as if he had
offered her a personal affront. Then he
said the child's cough waa only caused
by some trifling irrtatiou or other iu
the throat. At this I thought my wife
had a mind to show him the door
Now tlie doctor .said Jie would make
the child cough harder and dish dge the
trouble." So he gave her something that
sent to into a spasm ot coughing, and
presently np came a little wood splinter
or two. " .
" This child has no ; membranous
croup," said he. .
"She has been chewing a bit of pine
shingle or somthing ot the kind, and got
some. little slivers iu her throat. They
won't do her any hurt." 1 - ;
.'No," said I. "I can well believe
that. Indeed, the turpentine that is in
them is very good for certain sorts of
diseases that are peculiar to children.
My "wife will tell you so."
J Uit she 'did not. She turned away
in disdain and left the room ; and sh.ee
that time there is one" episode in our lite,
which we never refer to. 'Hence the
tide of our days flows by iu deep and
untroubled serenity.' ; j
Wanted n r.lttle Il.lp.
One day last week as a citizen was
passing up l wedth Street a wikl-pyed
woman limited out ot a front door.
halted him and excitedly said ; .
' "Come in here come in for just' a
minute !, ; ' !
1 "What's the matter?" he asked in
reply; observing that her face'was bad
ly scratched, ber elothinii torn, and that
her nose,, had been roticrUlv ? knocked
auour, . .
"Come in come in !n ' she whispered.
"You've been fiirhtintfr he said as
he backed off. . . -
At that moment a bi jr. burirlv man
opened the door and called out :
"Come iu here,,yoii pld ,he-fieildr'
"Come iu and help me pound him I",
urged the woman. . ' :'"'
! "Why,' lie could eat me hi) in a 5 min-
nte !?? replied thocitiwn. "I'm no
fighter, aiidj jwant -no .trpub'e." ,
1 can almost lick ; him alone." she
continued, as she followed Litn along
the WAlk. 1 had some otic to hold
bis legs when ! get him by -the throat I
could, choke the-gritJII,jpuVpf; him in
two miuiitei f Come on-come in and
act like a christian and trive a poor
woman a lift." : ' T'--
Z The citizen wouldi"A stopT and after
iouowmg him nearly "a5' block the wo
man turned, tack .saying ?y ,.
'( "If I jean get iu a good snifter on his
nose 1 can lick "lam alone." Detroit
Free I'ress. ' 1 ' ' i
The newly elected chief ot the Clier-
okee Nation,' Ouchalatta, is a s member
of the Baptist Chutclp' On tlie 26th oi
Pecember he was ordained as a minister.
He is described as "a -fiill-blooded na
tive, medium-sized, about 50 vears of
age, and dwtinguisbed for bis nprighU
ness of life and eloquence as a speaker."
Tbreo of the supreme', judges of the
Creek Nation are also Baptists, as are
tlte Superintendent ot Public Instruction
and the National Treaaurer.
A Dutch lady, very rich and twice
as eccentric, is said, to have, appeared
in the ranks of the Ilerzesovian insure
ents, mounted on a magnificent white
mule. She is armed cap-a-pie and
wears full male altirc including a Dutch
flag.
I'tae Cedar Mines of New Jersey. '
Among the strange productions of
Cape May are the "Cedar mines"
swamps of dark, Wry stuff, in which
are buried immense trees of the white
cedar, Cyp essm thyoul of the bota
nists. : Tliese mines ; contain enormous
trees, buried to a depth ' varying from
inree to ten reel, ine logs no one
across another, and .there is abundant
evidence that they are. the growth of
different successive '. forests. ' Indeed, in
these very swamps, forests of the same
trees are now. growing. iTlte miners
become very skitiral at tlieir-work.' An
iron rod is thrust into the soft mud,
over which often the water lies. In
I striking ji buried -iree' the workman
will by several soundings, at last tell
how it lies, which is its root end, and
how thick it is. He thus manaaes to
get a chip of thctree,' and by! its smell
ueierratnes at once whether it ! is worth
the labor of miuiug; that is the work
men will tell unerringly . whether , the
tree be a windfall or a breakdown. If
a breakdown, it was so because it was
decayed when standing ; if ta. windfall,
the tree fell while sound ; and has been
preserved ever since by the antiseptic
nature of the peat marsh in which it
was buried. The soft earth is then re
moved. 1 his makes a pit in the swamp.
Into this the water soon flows and fills
it up. This is rather an advantage.
The.saw is now; introduced, and at reg
ular interval j a cut is made through
the tree, wlien the log floats to the sur
laee. It is curious that a log ot a sound
tree will be sure to turn over when it
floats np, the lower side thus becoming
uppermost. Trees in this way are some
times obtained which will yield 100,000
shingles, worth $2 per thousand : thus
one tree will yield f 200. The age of
such a tree, as the season rings have
been counted, has been made out from
ten to twelve hundred years, and even
more. A layer of such trees is found
covered by another layer, and these
again by another, and even a third,
while living trees may still be growing
over a'l. It is evident, indeed, that
New Jersey has experienced what tha
geologists call "oscillations." Cape
May contains abundant evidence of hav
ing been lifted out of a modern sea.
The recent oyster and clam are found
in natural beds, just as they died iu the
ocean, but now iu positioi s many feet
higher than the continuous oyster beds;
while buried trees exist at depths lower
tlian the beds of living -motlusks. - -w
JSIonmouth (JY. ..) JJemocraf.
A portion of the Committee on the
Expenditures of the Treasury Depart
ment, including Eli its Chairman, visit
ed the department yesterday and made
a short call on Mr. MoCartee, chief of
the Printing Bureau. The books and
the manner of keeping accounts were
particularly looked into, and they were
found to be very carefully aud accurate
ly kept. ' One thing, however, aston
ished the Committee, and that was the
statement that there would be a defi
ciency in that Bureau of over $250,000.
W hen asked for an explanation this
Committee were told that the Last Con
gress competed the small carmine seal
which is pi Intel o:i every note, bond,
or piece of fractional currency in circu
lation to oe stamped by hand instead ot
a machine owned by ihe Government,
which did the, work better than it is
done by hand, and that only $20,000
or $25,000 was appropriated tor tliat
purpose; wnereae it cot nearly a quar
ter ot a million ot dollar. Treasurer
.New says tliat every $1; So, tr other
note issued,, br . the Government
the Department 10 cents, anl that ev
ery $5 in fractional enrrrency costs 25
centsa At the same Tate, the Lills now
in circulation would cost their face-val
ue to make them ready tor . reissue, if
an nip worn were required t j be done.
uy nanu. i ne committee wilt contin
ue their inquiries in the 1 Printing f Bu
reau. , , , - t .
' The design for the embossed - stamp
on the ,( cnennial stamped envelojes, is
a shieid beaaing at the Itop and in a
scroll the words "United States ; .Post
age," beneath which is-the representa
tion of a mounted postboy xn ground
work of telegraph poles and wires, ; Be
neath this is an. engine and postal car,
and at the bottom of, the shield, within
a scroll are tlie words, .'Three cents.?'
The dates 1776 and 1876 are at the top
and bottom respectively. These- enve
lopes will be manufactured aud sold i in
the GovemmcDt building on the Cen
tennial grounds during -the exhibition,
but will not be furnished to any post
office excepting the Philadelphia ofHce.
The straight-up-and-down bonnet
worn by New York fashionables, be
hind the head instead of on it, give the
wearer, the appearance, when approach.
ing from a distance of having a light
canoe strapped to her back.
;. A Kochester, New Hampshire, wo
man the other day picked out of her
knee the needle sho sat - down on 25
years ago. She was not so badly stuck,
after all.
"VARIOUS "FODDER."
Kansas keeps nobly in the yan ot
civilization. Her State treasurer is in
jail.' :
Elihu Burritt can drive a strange dog
out of his yard in thirty-three languages.
The extreme height ot misery is a
smad boy with a new pair of rubber
boots and no mud or slush in reach.
Dou't marry till you can support a
husband.: That's the advice the Barn
stable Patriot gives the Cape girls. ;
An English woman advertises herself
as corncutter to the royal family. She
practises on "the light, fantastic toe."
It - is a thin excuse fb? a young lady
td .Jie iibed,. until, uiue ;t'plock in tire
morning because this is ; sleep- year
Nbrrust&icn Herald, ', i-'v ! .; "
r ames I lam ill is dead. ' He was a
gentleman and a sculler. Ex. Such
jokes are wherry bad. ' Giye oar4 give
oar. -yorrietom Herald; j . i -t
"During a conversazione in ,'Nic'
Karl's saloon Sunday evening a gentle
man had his nose broken," is tlie way
tho Troy 7V?s lieatly puts it. j I. a.
Half the people who are making this
uproar over the exclusion of tlie Bible
from the public schools couldn't tell on
their own responsibility whether the
book, of Genesis was written by St. .Paul
or Hamlet. .
A jawbone sixteen feet long is to be
exhibited at the Centeunial by Massa-
chussetts. Put it in the Woman's De
partraent, by all means. 2ieie York
Commercial Advertiser.
A. breed of dogs without tails has
been discovered in Africa, and how ti e
mischievous boys there utilize old tin
kettles and fruit cans, we cannot pretend
to say.
The Sandwich IslanJs are go:ng to
adopt a new flag but they can't decide
whether to take a gray horse blanket
with a hole in it, or an o"d yest with the
back ripped out.
Mrs. Edward, of Stroater, Hi., while
slicing bread tlie other day cnt off" her
baby's nose, but a doctor pasted it on
again, and that, we trust, will be "the
end on't." : :..,.. '
The Ch icago Inter-Ocean says that
Uhert is an o'd threadbare, snufF colored,
thin-locKed, spiudled-6hankei.l, pepper-and-salt,
weazened, rum-drinking fossil,
hidden away somewhere in Washington,
who lias written more Congressional
speeches than all the members of the
present House put together.
The language of flo wers is tender and
beautiful, but it contaius no satisfactory
expression for the man who stubs his
toes. -;'! ' ; -;i :'- -' -'-:':-: X;
"Yes, I want my daughter to6tudy
rhetoric," replied a Vermont mother,
for she can't fry pancakes now without
smoking the house all up." '
Desertions from the regular army are
so numerous that we haven't over six
private soldiers to one officer, when we
ought to have seven and a tour-mule
team. :
; A New York 6urgeon says that nine
men out ot ten are liable to drop dead
on the street of heart disease. Keep off
tlie street, gentlemen, if you would avoid
death.
A Hartford man wants to sell a farm
in which ''meandering streamsand rivu
lets permeate luxuriant pasture, while
majestic oaks and stately maples attract
the eye ot the beholder." ' Who bids ?
' Miss Anna Dickinson's new lecture is
entitled. "Sowing and Reaping.' ; , And
an old bachelor cruelly says thai Sewing
and Ripping would be a more appropri
ate subject foi a woman. Nbrristoicn
Herald. '-'.':.' " - :-' "''''".", .'",
: "Exploring waist places," said; John
Henry, as he put his, arm around . the
pretty chambermaid. 'iNavigation of
the "air,' said Mrs. Henry, overhearing
him, and sailing into Lis raven curls.
Cincinnati Times. -
An exchange says; "Angular alco
hol' is the Inter-Ocean's latest way ot
putting ; it." The latest way a large
majority ot Western editors have of put-
ting it is putting it down their throats.
Some time ago two London thieves
put in practice a plan of robbing a jewel
ler which had been described io a story
m a popular periodical a piece of pure
H,niwii. x no jeweiier was furious
(he lost forty thousand dollars, so it was
excusable), and wrote to the editor of
the magazine, asking him if it was bis
mission to instruct thieves in new ways
of plundering the public. "My dear
sir," replied the editor blandly, "It yon
had taken in my periodical (which I
hope in future you will do), you would
have been put Uon your guard. This
comes of neglecting the claims ot litera-
ture."
More Tlmn All,
' BY J. a. WHlTTi.'
Give fools their jrold and knaves tlielr Jlowcr,
lAt tortune's bubbles rise atid fall ;
Who sown a field, or trains a flower,
Or plants a tree, is more llian all.' ,
For he wlio blesses most is blest :
And t?od anl man shall have his wortlf
Who toils to leave us a Imquest '
In added leanty to t he eart h. :
A nd soon or late, to all who sow-,
Tho time of harvest shall be given : ,
"The flowers shall bloom, the fruit shall grow,"
If not on earth at least in heaven. , .
Here is a Centennial contrast whic't
is good. First, as "Poof Richard" has
it in 1776 : ; '',)r " .
"Farmer at the plow,
Wlfe milking the cow, 5 ' - " '
langliter spinning yam, .., ;;
, , Son threshing in the Iwirn. ". ' ' ,'
' ; All happy jt a charm."
i And now 'fi.tr the modern improve
ments in 1876 : ; f r ; -
Farmer gone to see a sliow, " .
' - "Daughter at tlie piuno. f
. . Mxdain caily dressed in satin
' All the boys learnins Latin.
; With a mortgage on tlie farm .
'. A western paper sums np the amnesty
debate as follows i " Tliere are 740 per
sons who. have not been amnestied. Tl e
Republicans stand willing to vote am
nesty to 739, but the Pemociats prefer
to leave the whole number disfranchised
rather than permit a vote on excepting
the Andersonville murderer.
The highest salaries for public school
teachem are paid by the Cherokee Na
tion 225'niont.ily for men, and $200
for women. The District of Columbia
comes next, paying $113. and $75.
Massachusetts shows a greater dispro
portion, paying $93 aud $33. Not bad
for the Cherokee?.
: A Newtown man favors the presenco
of the album in the public schools. He
writes us that "the holey book must bo
kept in the skools at eny cost."
' "
,TUo 'abols r India.
Bull Run Russell describes some of -the
goigeously dressed native Princes
of India who met the Prince of Wales
at Calcutta. The Maharajah of Pultiala,
who first dashed up to tl;e Viceroy's
residence without riders and escort, was
conducted up the steps under a golden
umbrella. The Maharajah is a fine
looking man of twenty-two. He sjeaks
English, placed 100,000 at the disposal
of the Government during the famine
and gave 7,000 to the Lahore Univer
sity. .He rules over nearly two millions -of
people and an extent ot 5,500 square
miles. The State revenue exceeds 400,
000. Next a salute of nineteen guns
heralded the arrival of llolkar, tho
Maharajah of Indore. ! Huge in statino
and bulk, dressed simply, but decorated
with diamonds and emeralds ot great
value. Then came the Maharajah of
Jodl i poor, : dressed in immense petti
coats of many folds, reaching nearly to
ine aiiKie, gathered in by a circular roll
ot gold tissue from tlte waist. His head,
dress was a small turban, bound round
his brow with a golden fillet blazing
with jewels. He wore a necklace of
jewels of extraordinary size. , Next
came the Maharajah of Jeypoor, who
nas nine wives but no children, lie
rules over 2,000,000 people and 15,000
square miles of territory. The filahar- -
ajah of Cashmere next arrived, lie
awl Sirdars wore the Sikh-head-dress
ami were ablaze with jewels. He had
been with difficulty persuaded tortcut "
down his gifts from 50,000 to 5,000
in value. To all the chiefs til ft Priimn - .
gave gold medals ot .'commemoration.
.Next from a closed brougham ali?htel
a figure closely vailed. Beneath a robe
and cloi?e-fitting trousers pretty y teet
stoie in ana out.", Another figure fol
lowed. The screen before tlie eyes was
too thick to be pierced, but the I
of .Bopal saw every thing. She is not
vet ifortv Vfnra intan' :R1,A v.,, 1
bOWi?d down; but her daoghcTj not yet
eighteen, walked just as feebly. It is
often such women 1 as' these who rnle
native States. - Tlie lince tcccived tlie
vailed ladies most 'cmfnnv ' tkw .
did not anvail, but it' 13 said they are
lawi w see. '.-;.'. -.' - - '' '"'
Cold Mkat. Cold meat, made i nto
an aspic, is a delicious way of using the
last of a joint, especially in summer- .
time. uut tne meat in pieces, and lay
them in a mould, in layers, well season
ed. Then pour over and fill tlie mould ;
with rome clear soud. nearly cold.
which, when let to stand some hours
will turn out and be as firm as isinglass.
especially if shank bones were boiled jn
tlie soup. - Should the cold meat be veal
or poultry, tlie addition of small pieces
of ham or bacon, and hard-boiled eggs,
cut iii slices, and put between the layers .
of meat, is a great improvement.
The conflicting , rumors in regard to
the mental condii on of Mr. MorpTiy, the .
celebrated chess-player, seem to indicate
that he is really Buffering from partial
derangement, though not of a .nature
to require his confinement. . This view
ot the case is borne out by a private leU
ter from a friend of Mr- Morphy, which
states that he has been for many years
pasta victim-of delusions of various
kinds. He lias abandoned chess since
186SL The story about: his being , a
drunkard is absurd, as he has never
been addicted to the use of liquor in his
life. '