-
COLL. VAN CLKVK.
ALBANY,
OREGON.
THE LITTLE FOLKS.
Bram'i Kciolatioiu. :
' A KIW TUB S JIKOLK.
i New Year- Ere. Youiir Bramley sat
In deep reflection bowed.
He held a paper In faU band,
From which he read aloud :
7, Bramley White, hereby remlre
The comina year to be
Jrrrm all rtf mp acauetomed fault T
And evil habit free ;
-To curb my angry paeeian in;
To shun procrastination ;
To keep my tonguefrvm idle wordi, v
And all exaggeration.''
Not hard to say, bat bard to do,"
Said Bramley with a sigh,
" I wrote the same a year ago,
And vowed that I would try
'To lead a better sort of life,
To pass temptations by ;
And yet I've broken each resolve
I'm sure-1 don't know why."
"Ill show yon why," exclaimed a voice
In accents sweet and lew.
"He turned, and saw an angel form
In garments white as snow.
She waved her hand. Lo, wondrous change I
Before them stretehed a green
Of broad extent, around whose edge
A lofty fence was seen.
Tall trees and gracef al thurbs were there ;
Bright flowers of every hue ;
.And near at hand a jessamine,
A rose, and liiy grew.
" This park is yours, be on your guard !
Without is many a foe.
To all who ask admittance here,
Keturn the answer No !
'" By all your hopes of happiness.
I charge yen te obey !"
The angel sua in solemn tones,
And quickly passed away.
' I'm not a foe. so let me In ;
I cant unioek the gate,"
jExclaimed a saucy, boyish voice,
In tones importunate.
Bram glanced around : there stood a lad
Of Liiipntian sire,
Who had a rosy, handsome face,
But dark, malignant eyes.
No sir." said Bram, " you cant come in !
" I will !" returned the lad,
' And if you don't unlock the gate,
I'll make ycu wish you had."
ith this, he seized the iron bars
And tried to break them down.
At which display of impudence
Young Bram becan to frown.
The l&d grew more and more enraged.
' Take that !" he fiercely said.
And hurled an ugly pebble-stone
Direct at Bramley's head.
The stone fell short, but Bram resolved
. The insult to resent ;
To catch the urchin, and inflict
A righteous punishment.
So, full of wrath, he raised the latch,
And op'ning wide the gate,
Pursued, but tried in vain to seize
- The saucy reprobate.
At length, exhausted, he returned
Chagrined and petulant
"To Had within hia lovely park
Another occupant :
A sprite, no bigger than a mouse,
Who hopped and danced about,
Tefying all of B ram's attempts
To lure or drive him out.
"Three times our hero caught the sprite
And bore him to the gate ;
Ah many-times the sprite escaped,
Enraged and obstinate.
Determined not to be outdone, a
Bram still pursued the chase, V
And caught the nimble sprite again ;
But, as he turned his face.
He saw his gentle monlrress
Approaching near at hand.
What thould be cay 7 He'd spurned her words
And broken her command.
Afraid to show the wicked apritg,
He thrust him in his pocket.
Then hastened to the open gate,
Resolved to fhut and lock it ;
But ere he'd traveled half the way,
The mori trees spoke out :
' Ah. how is this 1 An open gate I
And foes within, no doubt !"
Sram hung his head ; his face grew red.
He must equivocate,
Or tell a downright lie, he thought,
About Aie open gate.
At last he spoke ; " No ma'am." said be,
" There are no foes within."
There were no foes, 'twas only foe.
That, sure, was no great sin).
But here the sprite be held confined
Increased so much in size.
That Bram was sure he'd tumble out
. Before her veny eyes.
About the gate," continued be
In stammering accents, I
An angry fellow opened that."
(That, sure, was no great lie)
But ah, that pocket ! how it grew t
Poor Bram was filled with dread,
No hand save yours could raise that latch,"
The angel mildly said.
, " Be warned in time ; take my advice,
And sbut the gate and bar it ;
E'se wicked meddlers reek the park,
To desecrate and mar it."
With this, she passed from sight ; and Bram,
' Believed of all his fears,
TJnpocketed the struggling spite
: And soundly boxed hia eara.
" Take that you Tartar, you !" said he,
And leave these quarters spry."
-Just then came floating through the gate
A gorgeous butterfly.
A perfect beauty, Bramley thought.
And started in pursuit,
The insect led him on and on,
A tiresome, vexing route.
-" I ought to shut that gate ; but then.
Ill do it by and by,'"
Thought Bram, as round the park again
He chased the brilliant fly.
At length he ceased bis fruitless chase
And sought once more the gate.
Alas ! twere vain to close it now :
He'd come an hour too late.
A motley throng of ugly imps
Were crowding fiercely in.
Their coming filled poor Bramley's heart
With sorrow and chagrin.
They danced upon the flowers and grass,
With wild and savage mirth.
' The lily, rose and Jessamine
. They trampled in the earth.
Ai Bramley steod in blank amaze,
His angel friend drew nigh.
Sbe pointed to the gate and said :
"Behold the reason 'wbt.'
The withered rose, and Jessamine,
And lily bore portray
The resolutions which yon made
A year ago to-day!
Had yon but guarded yonder gate,
And kept all foes without,
Tbere'd be broken, leafless stalks
To sigh and grieve about."
And now, my merry Utile friend
No matte what your name is
Ve Georgies, Frankies. Johns and Wills,
Te Nellies, Kates and Kamtea,
Te Coras, Fannies. Hetties, Belles,
Te Charlie. Neds and J amies,
Te Walters, Henries, IMcks and Bobs,
YeaarajB-JanasaadAmiew,
lteV a cheat Hurrah for seventy-four X" .
With load lusounrtrng cheer,
And wish each other, one and all,
A happy, bright New Year I f
And let as learn from Bramley's dream
To keep these precious 'hearts
Secured with ever watchful care
Against tbe Tempter's arts.
So will the year with Joy be crowned.
And every day shall be
Brim full of perfect peace and love.
A day of Jubilee. - . ,
Wood's Household Magazine.
CktmrUe'e Wattk Meeting.
" Now, there's mischief gwine to be
-did I Iknowitsureandsairtin. Them
boys has been a rubbagin in the wood
shed, and there's two of my taller can
spose
nrl nU
TWal, tiad another knot in her yellow
neckerchief, and went back to the
kitchen.- ' ' ' ,: ' " '
Away went Charlip, Willie and Rob
bie to the barn. This morning the
boys had heard their parents say they
were going to f watch meeting" that
night, t i "v ' " ": ' :: ' ' ' '
"What is watch meeting, father?"
sked Willie."- --'--w. .---' -
oh, we watch the old year out and
the new year in,' answered his father.
And when midnight chimes on the
bell, we chant a good hymn. We sing
and pray until 12 o'clock. Yen know
this is the last day of 1874."
a " Mayn't I go ?" spoke up Charlie.
" Oh, -no, my son ; yon could not
keep awake, and little folks are better
in bed."
Charlie inwardly rebelled at this;
thought he could keep awake as well as
anybody, and finally persuaded his
younger brothers to have watch meet
ing with him on a small scale. So
dles missin raw can m, mw ai Bay
Well, bein' as this is holler day, I
-x -J t-j. tall mjaaii " Al
away tbey went to tbe barn imme
diately after their parents had left for
enure o, the latter Having charged tnem
to retire at the usual hoar.
A large threshiiisr machine having
been turned upon its side for repairs,
, 1 1 -1 i T . A
me coys convened it mro a puipit.
Two empty bottles served to hold the
candles purloined from Dinah, and
with a great show of reverence, their
small prayer books were laid beside the
same. Three long, narrow boxes were
ranged side by side for pews, but, con
trary to general usage, each box con
tained a couple of apples " Just to
help keep a fellow awake," said Charlie.
The old- brindle cow looked round
rather doubtfully at the unusual pro
ceedings, and a brooding hen in the
loft above kept such a fussing that
wisps of hay were being thrown down
constantly upon the pulpit.
"Never mind them," said Charlie,
ringleader in the mischief, "they'll
think Its Christmas yet. You know God
was porn in a stable. But, boys, we
mus sing. You know father said they
sang and prayed until midnight. We
will keep awake until the hour strikes
on the town clock, and then we will be
off to bed before father and mother
come home. What shall we sing ?"
Bobbie, the youngest, suggested
" Put me in my little bed."
" Not just yet," said Charlie, "but I
suppose you'll be wanting us to prac
tice that before we get through with
such a wee fellow aa you. Let's begin
with ' I want to be an angel,' " and he
opened the boon and "lined off" the
hymn with considerable pride. Had
Dinah not taken advantage of her mis
tress' permission to spend the evening
out, she would surely have thought the
barn tenanted by ghosts, or that the
cattle were celebrating a second Christ
mas. - The boys' music was neither
strong nor melodious, and at a little
distance might easily have been mis
taken for something else.
But the apples were all eaten, little
heads began to. droop and little voices to
fail. "Let's move back and lean on?
heads against the manger," suggested
Willie ; " you know the deaoens always
lean back in church."
The advice was quickly followed, and
at half-past 11 the snoring was one de
gree less musical than the singing had
been. The old hen, getting tired of the
noise and light, settled herself for the
twentieth time on her chicks, and in so
doing threw down two straws. One lit
direct upon a candle placed upon the
impromptu pulpit, wavered a moment,
took fire, and fell inside a small crevice
in the machine. Slewly was the blaze
kindled, .straw after straw became
ignited, and when 12 o'clock chimed on
the neighboring steeple, the machine
itself was on fire, and three little boys
were in imminent danger of being
burned to death. Ten minutes struck,
then the quarter, and Willie moved un
easily as she heat became greater. Just
then old brindle reached forth her
milky mouth and seized Charlie by the
hair bis head war directly against her
feeding-trough whether accidentally
or not was never known. He jumped
to his feet in a terrible fright, called to
the boys, and, taking a hand of each,
rushed from the barn. Their clothes
were scorched in reaching the door, but
they were bo sleepy that they did not
fully realize the danger from which
they had escaped until safely within
their own home.
By this time the people were coming
from church. The boys" watch-meeting
had nearly burned the barn ; that
of the old folks saved it. Men went to
work with a will, turned on water, and
at last extinguished the flames.
Mr. and Mrs. Cramer were too thank
ful for the escape of their little boys, to
find much fault with their proceedings.
New Year's morning, however, their
father pointed out to them what might
have been the terrible consequences of
their disobedience, and presented each
with a pocket diary.
" This will help you, boys, to watch
the coming year through every month
and day. Tne jSible teaches us to
watch and pray always. Each day you
can record any action you think not just
right, and the next one try to have a
better entry to make. At the end of
the year you will find you have not only
watched the year, but yourselves, and
will be better boys in consequence.
Now, put on your caps, and off to play,
not forgetting this day to make a grand,
glorious, good beginning for the year
1878.
A Smart Bey.
There are a great many smart little
boys in every State, but one of the
smartest, we think, is a little eight-year-old,
called Charley Triblett, of Cedar
township, Iowa. This bit of a boy has
worked as a full hand in the field this
summer, running a three-horse double
plow, tending his own team, and keep
ing up with the best. 1 He now drives
a milk wagon to a cheese factory, and
makes himself general useful in the
dairy line. Moreover Charley eight-year-old
is a capitalist, with fifteeen
acres of wheat of hia own, and an in
terest is sundry oolts and calves. If he
goes on as he has begun he will own all
Iowa before he is fifty years old. '
Dog's Mistake.
The elephant " Conqueror " passing
along in the Great Eastern procession,
in front of the Bepublio building, at
tracted the attention of a ferocious, fair
sized dopt, which, in the heat of excite
ment and impulse, and probably largely
from the force of habit, rushed toward
his majesty. Started to rush to tell
the exact truth. The dog was very
fierce. Evidently he was about to take
in the spiked caudal appendage of the
monster and draw his attention to a mi
nor de-tail so to speak in his rear.
But as he was fairly on his way, the
magnitude of the most ponderous un
dertaking seemed to strike him all at
once, and the growl and bark in his
hot throat . were gulped down ; in an in
stant, almost causing strangulation, and
the animal shot backward into Primrose
alley with the rapidity of thought and
such an expression of astonishment and
fear upon his countenance as never be
fore sat on the facial features of a dog.
He was a surprised .and discomfited
quadruped, and he intimated as plainly
as a dog could, to our reporter,, that he
was only about to cross the street te see
another dog, or something of that sort,
when the elephant got in his way. But
the reporter was not deceived. The
pretense was too transparent. Spring
field (Q.) Republican. f g S . ,
A doctob ordered one of his patients
to drink" flour of sulphur and water.
The patient expressed his disgust by
significant grimaces. " It is only the
first glass that is hard to drink," said
the doctor. " Then," rejoined the in
valid, "I will begin with the second. "
Tub late Dudley S. Gregory's estate
is estimated to be worth five Millions,
most of it real estate and buildings in
Jersey City. Except a few small be
quests, he is said te have left nothing
in charity.
MY GHOST.
Amelia Garford and I loved one an
other passionately ; so passionately that
at the age of seventeen we resolved to
marry. Both our parents opposed the
scheme. We had neither of us any
money, and, though I thought myself a !
Titian, the portraits I daubed were J
poor things, even for sign painting. But
we could not wait. We grew desperate.
We determined to run away into the
wide world. ' "
The wide world ! How narrow it is,
after all I A gimlet eight thousand
miles long would bore a hole right
through it. And what is eight thousand
miles ? Less than most people walk in
a couple of years. " What is anything
compared to everything ?" as the editor
down East observed.
Aurelia's parents lived in Two Hun
dred and Twenty-second street, New
York. Their house is near tho corner
of Fourth avenue. It is a long way
" up-town." Some say there is no such
street. But that, of course, is nonsense,
because I know Aurelia lived in it.
Many people, no doubt, have started off
in the cars to look for the street and
never found it. It is not easy to find ;
though, as it is tbe next street to Two
Hundred and Twenty-first street, it is
not so difficult, after all. But I knew
the street like a book. There was only
one house in it, and that was only half
built, owing to th.3 owner's want of
funds. I need not add that that was
the house of Aurelia's parents.
There was a large garden to the
house. People can afford space for
gardens up in Two Hundred and Twenty-second
street. It was a very nice
garden. Only one thing grew in it, and
that was grass. But give me grass to
walk on. Trees are very well for climb
ing, and timber is useful for building.
Fruit is a capital thing, if you want to
eat, and flowers are very pretty, if you
care to look at them. But Aurelia and
I only wanted to walk about with our
arms round one another's waists ; and
we preferred grass to trees, and we did
not want to climb like squirrels or build
like carpenters. We valued grass even
more highly than Howers, because we
preferred sitting down upon it and
looking into one another's eyes to
gazing at all the roses and magnolias in
creation. And as tor fruit, we scorned
to think of earthly peaches or apricots,
when our lips could be so much more
sweetly occupied in exchanging celestial
kisses kisses of which no amount could
possibly give us a surfeit.
It is my deliberate conviction that
the garden of Eden was a grass-grown
bit of land, with a good high fence
round it to cast a shade in hot weather.
The rest was love, which makes a para
dise of any place.
We resolved to run away. And we
did. We met met one afternoon behind
the wall of the grass-grown garden, and
made for the cars. As we went along, I
summed up the items of my happiness,
drew a line, and calculated the total.
The items were :
1. An angelic disposition.
2. The softest black eyes in the world
silken tresses to match.
3. A complexion pure as the white
ness of a pearl.
4. A mouth which beat all the Greek
statues to fits.
5. A neck and shoulders of human,
though quite equal to vegetable, ivory.
6. A slender, graceful figure that
would have destroyed St. Anthony's
saintship to a dead certainty, and so
much the better for him if it had tempt
ed him.
7. Love for a certain individual, car
ried to the confines of hero worship.
Total : Aurelia Garford.
I was in a state of tremendous exhil
aration. My soul cut capers and threw
up its hat inside my breast ; at least so
I conjectured from the thumps I felt
against the walls of that portion ef my
body. Aurelia and I took one long
drawn, champagnish sort of kiss just
oeiore we lurnea tne corner of that, to
many, apocryphal Two Hundred and
Twenty-second street, i-d in another
minute we were at the railroad station.
So was old Garford.
He had come home two hours before
his time from his office down-town,
where he was supposed to make money
somehow. Not that he ever made any.
His wife had a small income of her own.
and that supported the family. Mr.
uuiuni, tu .uaust bo it appeared vo me,
was allowed to play at business just to
keep himself out of mischief.
"Hollo, young people," he cried,
jovially; "taking a walk, hey? "Where
are you off to ? and what does my pretty
Aurelia carry in that confoundedly Dulgy
basket there?" . -
" O, papa !" cried Aurelia, whose
self -possession was npset by the sudden
rencontre, and the dear girl burst into
a passionate flood of tears ; tears of dis
appointment and vexation, I conscienti
ously believe.
"Hollo! what's this, what's this,
young gentleman ?" said old Garford,
sternly, smelling a rat for the first
time.
" Why, sir," said I, perhaps stupidly,
impelled by an irresistible impulse,
" if you had not met us so unluckily,
we should have run away and got mar
ried." " Hum !" said old Garford, looking
at me fixedly ; " is there any particular
reason for your getting married iu such
a hurry?"
. "Yes, sir," said I.
" And pray what is it ?" said old Gar
ford, severely.
" We love one another," -said I, look
ing him boldly in the face.
" Oh, is that all 1 Very well. You
need not run away ; I have not the least
objection to your being married."
" But, sir" ;
" Stop a moment. Ihave a great ob
jection to your marrying without any
thina to live on. IMnnh u T waa at.
tached to Mrs. Garford, sir, I should,
never have dreamed of marrying e?
uuuwd wo uatu naa oeiween us snmcienc
to support a respectable establishment,
sir -.. i
"But, sir " i
'But, sir," resumed Mr. Garford,
who evidently took a pleasure in play
mg his part of heavy father in the
drama; but, sir, you perhaps imag
ine mat I can give my daughter a for
tune. You anticipate " , ..
i ' V.N? sir" 1 interrupted, eager
to d: 8 claim all interested : motives. " I
know very well that you cannot give
your daughter anything,
"Indeed, sir, indeed? And pray
how do you know that I cannot give
my daughter a fortune 1 Are you aware,
sir, that the business I am engaged in
is one by which some of the largest
fortunes in the city have been realized.
SIT?" :;. ; - r . 7
To use a somewhat worn but expres
sive phrase, I had hit my intended
father-in-law "in the raw,'' and all at
tempts to conciliate proved fruitless.
Nor did a hint from Aurelia, that
"papa knew very well he had not made
the rent of his office for the last two
years," at all mend matters.
Finally, Mr. Garford positively for
bade my further visits or correspond
ence with his daughter, until I could
show him that I was worth "five thou
sand dollars clear, and making an in
come of at least two thousand a year.
Thus we parted. " I made several at
tempts to see Aurelia, but failed. In
the end, I resolved to make the re
quired sum and income with the least
possible delay. t
Luckily, I made friends with a very
clever painter, who undertook to put
me in the right way. I had to begin
again. The fact was, I had a tolerable
dexterity in the blending of colors, but
I drew like a Chinese, or a Yankee as I
was. My master was a Frenchman ; he
had studied at Paris, under Dalaroohe.
He opened my eyes ; I was quick. In
a few months, with considerable labor,
I could produce a portrait at any rate
tolerably correct in outlines and per
spective. This at once raised me above
themajority of my rivals, and I soon
procured considerable custom. (
I had just laid the first stone of my
fortune in the shape of a hundred dol
lars deposited in a bank, when an over
whelming blow destroyed the whole
edifice of my hopes.
I received a letter announcing the
death of Aurelia from her father. She
had been dead three weeks when the
news reached me. My friend, the pain
ter, was present. He saw me turn pale,
and cover my face with my hands.
" What is it?" he asked kindly.
" She is dead !" I replied, in a shaken
voice.
He knew my history, and needed no
further explanation.
I threw myself on a sofa and wept
convulsively. When I had exhausted
the first violence ef my grief, my friend
approached me, and, in atone of grave
sympathy, asked me of what I was
thinking.
" Of death !" I replied.
" Of suicide ?" said he.
I made no answer.
" Do you not possess her portrait.?"
raid he.
"Yes, a daub of my own, but which
reminds me at least vividly of the orig
inal. I have also a daguerreotype, but
daguerreotypes nave always a cold,
ghastly look."
"You should paint her."
"Paint her?"
' ' Yes, paint her as an angel of heaven ;
realize your memory of her beauty on
canvas. Leave a monumenh of your
love and talent behind you. Then die
if you please."
The artist's suggestion pleased me.
No youth is in a violent hurry to die,
even for love. I resolved to adopt my
friend's idea, and a gloomy sort of am
bition seized me to make this work a
work of art worthy of its model. Nay,
I even dreamed of posthumous fame ;
of going down the stream of American
art-history as the man who painted a
real angel, and then pursued its proto
type into the world of angels.
I commenced my task that very day,
and labored as lemg as the light allowed,
without cesBatiopf My master aided
me by his counsels ; and when the
work was complete he laid his hand af
fectionately on my shoulder and said,
" Truly, you are a greater master."
We had the picture framed and sent
to the exhibition at the Academy. On
the very first day my triumph was un
questionable. "An Angel" was de
cidedly tbe attraction of the exhibition.
The same afternoon an offer to pur
chase it for a large sum arrived from
one of the richest merchants in New
York. I sat with the letter in my hand
trying to read it by the waning light in
my studio, when I heard the door open
and somebody enter. Supposing it to
be the painter, I did not look round.
Presently I raised my eyes, and be
held to my horror a shadowy figure in
white, with a face of unearthly pallor.
The face was Aurelia's 1
I confess that fear seized me. My
shattered nerves, my recent over-exertion,
my fast and vigils, had increased
my nervous sensibility to an alarming
degree. I tried to reason with mvself.
and account for the vision on grounds
of mental delusion, when I was startled
out of ali reasoning by the figure saying
in a low but distinct tone :
" Frederick, do you not know me?"
"Yes, I know you," was my solemn
answer.
" And you still love me."
" Now and forever !"
" Then why do you not embrace me?"
said the figure, glidiag nearer.
" Can ghosts embrace ?" I cried, ris
ing dubiously, and gazing more assur
edly as the pale phantom.
" Try 1" said the ghost.
And I did try : but it was no spectre :
it was a living, breathing angel 1 folded
in my arms.
"What is the meaning of this? I
thought you dead !"
"And I believed you buried. They
told me so at home. I have had a
fever in consequence : see how pale and
thin I am!"
"But I am alive ; so are you!"
"That is evident."
" What could have been your father's
wuuve lor sucn conduct and sucn laiae-
noody
" An insane wish to marry me to his
puruier, jut. Dmitnson.
"His partner?"
" Yes ; he has caught a partner with
money, as mamma says, and she thanks
heaven she will not have to pay the
rent of the office eut of her own income
any longer."
" But how did you know I was
liv. 0" .
" Dead men do not paint pictures."
"Then vou know?" 4
" Yes, I have seen Oh I yon flat
terer !
"Flatterer? not at all. But look at
this an offer of seven hundred dollars
for the picture. An hour ago I would
not nave sold it for seventy thousand.
But now suppose we take the seven
hundred dollars and run away at onoe ?"
a " It is not necessary ; my father gives
wmi3h nuu uses uc xa.
Old Garford entered.
" Well, sir," said he, " I congratulate
you on your success. We shall be
happy to see you at Two Hundred and
Twenty-second street this evening, if
you are not otherwise ensraged."
Shortly afterward I was married. As
eocn as Aurelia and I were alone in the
cam ace that bora us from the church,
I said to her. milinc. " Mv dear little
ghost, I sincerely trust you will haunt
me to my dying day ! i
"I will try," said Aurelia, looking
full at me with beautiful and fathomless
eyes, "to be your ghostly comforter as
long as I live."
Itis my opinion that a ghost is very
much improved by having a body at
tached to is.
arch of the European mountains. Its
L.:.L1! 1 . -a . .i" j ...i Kn A
ucugui is guy j.o, lot ieei, wuk
YsTA, .1 1 aw Li. asm - Jfc EVw
jxm.vsx jEiiourz, on tne sonuwa
ropean side of the Caucausian water-
.1ia4 2 rna m a. mi. a 1 a mMm.
tain, which has just been ascended by
buioo memoers ox a& Xing
. m a
jiud, is said to resemDie in auape t
flattened dome, like an inverted tea
cup.
Pith and Point.
Good bread is often much kneaded.
Thebb are various stations in life,
but the. least desirable is a police-station.
Young ladies at needlework are not
always what they appear. They are
sometimes seaming.
What is the difference between a
wise man and a sailor? One is a far
seeing man and the other a sea-faring
Somebody advertises a preparation
for keeping a lady's hands free from
chaps. ' A report that she has no money
would do the same thing.
Last week a St. Croix girl, in a fit of
anger because she oouldn t get her foot
into a small shoe, seized a carving
knife and out off her little toe.
An Indiana Judge has decided that if
a woman will shorten pie-crust with
butter at 38 cents per pound her hus
band has good grounds for divorce.
Ak improvident D anbury youth en
tertains a high appreciation for the
State prison, which he regards as "the
only place where a fellow is not dunned
for his board and washing every Satur
day night."
Fond Wife : "John, dear, be sure
and don't waste your money on accident
insurance tickets." Husband (a com
mercial man): "Why, my love?" Fond
Wife: "Because you are never lucky
enough to be in a collision 1"
A gentleman said to his gardener :
"George, the time will come when a
man will be able to carry the manure
for an acre of land in one of his waistcoat-pockets."
To which the gardener
replied : "I believe it, sir ; but he will
be able to carry all the crop in the
other pocket."
Ak Irishman used to come home often
drunk, and once when he was watering
his horse his wife said to him, " Now,
Paddy, is not that baste an example to
ye ? Don't you see he laves off when
he has enough, the crayther ! he's the
most sensible baste of the two." " Oh,
it's very well to disooorse like that,
Biddy," cried Paddy, " but if there was
another horse at the other side of the
trough to say, Here's your health, my
ould boy,' would . he stop till he drunk
tne wnoie trough, think ye ?"
A Detroit woman called at one of the
book- stores the other day. and said she
weuld like to take a look at some
"chro-moes " as she wanted to find
something to please Harvey, who had
worked on the farm all summer and
should be rewarded. "Anvthinor relig
ious ?" asked the clerk, as he ran over
a lot of such chromos and engravings.
vveu, no, not exactly religious." she
answered. " Some of it micrht be sol
emn-like, but down in the corner there
ought to be a dog-fight, or a man falling
off a barn, or sunthin' to kinder inter
est the young mind.
SAXTA CXjAUS' POOn SPELL.
Word came from the country where Santa Clans
awena
That he was alarminslv ill :
And fears were expressed that he'd not be on band
wun presents tne stockings to nil.
The children bad fancied tbe precious old saint
Secure from all moral mishaps,
And they said it waa queer that at this time of year
no snouia nave sucn a areaaiui couapse.
"Oh! what shall we do?" cried the little onoe all.
with grief that they could not control ;
' Oh ! what shall we do 7 for our pennies are few,
And there isnt a toy that is whole.
'I thought that bs'd bring me a wagon," said
Jack,
" I want a new dolly," said Jane.
' I looked for a sled this Christmas,'' said Fred ;
And they all f '11 to crying again.
It wont be like Christmas, I'm certain of that,"
Said young Master Frank with a pout ;
' And the bells will ding-dong a monotonous song
If Santa Clans isnt about.
I guess," said mamma, " that the giant Despair
Came into oar castle to-day.
And filling with gloom every heart in this room,
xooi au oi our sunsnine away.
" Dear Santa Clans doesn't like children that pout.
And make such a dismal ado :
Because he, alack ! baa a pain in his back,
Ana feels muca more wretched than you.
smile on the face will do Santa Clans good
And help him. I'm sure, to get well :
And our hearts may keep time to a musical chime
1 hough santa ciaua nas a poor speu."
The Age of Suicide.
The London Medical Record says :
' The influence of age upon suioide is
a study of more than speculative inter
est, on account of its practical bearings,
and of the ease and precision with
which it can be demonstrated. By age
is meant the critical periods of life.
These periods have many components
besides the mere fact of years, it is ap
parent that what we have to examine is
a many-sided phenomenon, including,
together with it, the advance in life, the
workings of physiological, mental, and
sociological causes. It has been lately
examined by Dr. O'Dea, and it appears
that the maximum of suicides of both
sexes occurs between the ages of 25 and
35. Previous to the 25th year there is
a sudden increase from 2 suicides be
tween the ages of 5 and 10, to 136 be
tween 20 and 55. After 55 the tendency
to suioide declines, but more gradually
than it rose, except at 65, where the
number increases again from 81
to 83 a rise so slight, however,
as to be little worth considering.
There are, therefore, three suicidal
periods in life those of organic and
mental growth, of organio and mental
completion, and of organio and mental
decline. In the first the chart shows
81, in the second 42, and in the
third 311.' Comparing the peri
ods in round numbers, it may be said
that they are as one for childhood and
adolescence to twelve for adult life, and
to four for tbe years of bodily and men
tal decay. The influence ef sex and its
attendant circumstances upon suicides at
tne ainerent periods or. me is snown
upon the charts. With females. i
among males, there is a sudden and
abrupt rise until the 25th year is
reached. The rise is oontinned to the
85th year, at which the maximum of
suicides occurs amons women. The
period from the 25th to tbe 35th year
corresponds to that of the greatest
pressure from domestic troubles and
responsibilities, as also with the great
est activity of the maternal functions.
The line thence descends abruptly to
the 45th year, whence it rises to the
50th. the critical period of mature fe
male life, and then goes down, until it
reaches the level from which it started.
There are therefore, two culminating
points, and while the line on the male
chart is undulating and sustained, that
on tne lemaie is vertical and anruot.
The lower of the male culminating
points is the higher of the female, ana
contrariwise, the lower of the female is
the higher of the male. . These charts
do not show the relative freauenev of
suicides among the two sexes. The
ratio of suicides to population in the
United States is (for the period oovered
by the last decimal census) 25 to 100,000
among males, and 3 to 100,000. among
females. The only periods at which
suicides are nearly equal for both sexes
is from 15 to 20 years, during which the
number of boy suicides was 34, of girl
Buicides 82. After this the number of
suicides among males is much greater
uiau umou lemaies.
The King of Counterfeiters. , ..
The Erie (Pa.) Dispatch gives an a b-
oount of a . visit to the home of Tom
Ballard, reported to be the greatest
counterfeiter in the world. , The dilap
idated barn in the rear of the house was
the repository of powerful electric bat
teries, none the less potent because
they were not constructed according to
regulations. Te have purchased glass
jars of sufficient size might have excited
suspicion, and so strongly-hooped hAlf
barrel ale casks were substituted, and
big open-mouthed stone lars, such as a
housekeeper might purchase to fill with
pickles, were used, and only a chemist
could guess at the contents.
The house was his workshop and his
study. The windows were curtained
with white material, and besides the
curtains there were white screens that
might be placed before them. Upon
the table near the center of the room
was all the apparatus necessary for the
engraver, and here, when interrupted,
Tom - Ballard was at work on the
plate that was to have " bank
rupted all Canada." We saw the
partly finished plate of the finest
steel under a magnifying-glass. and a
comparison of it with other plates from
wnicn counterfeits nave been success
fully printed leads us to believe that
Tom's expression was no idle boast, as
in appearance the others were no more
to be compared to it in firmness of exe
cution than an ordinary wood out is to
a fine steel engraving. In this room,
besides the counterfeit plates, were the
inks and dyes and nameless prepara
tions in little glass bottles, the uses of
which could only be guessed at. Pieces
i chemically treated paper, which to
the feel could not be distinguished from
the national bank currency, were lying
about, and here and there a rough
proof where tests had been made of
colors or in stamping. One bit bore
several impressions of the carmine
treasury stamp." which, upon the
scientifically orenared naner. waa an
exact that we could not distinguish the
difference between them and the genu
ine, in the hurried search through the
premises some few small vials were up
set, and where they fell the floor was
stained with hues as indelible as though
human blood had been spilled and dried
there.
But if his workshop would have been
a curiosity to the skilled mechanic, the
sitting-room, which was his study.
would have been none the less to the
ripe scholar in chemistry. Files of the
Scientific American, and other scientific
periodicals, were there, nicely arranged.
The table was covered with books,
treatises on practical chemistry, and
metallurgy, electricity, paper-making,
1 , i i a i i
ana pnotograpny preaominaung. cata
logues of books on chemistry were there ;
fusion of metals and books of recipes,
some of monern days and some in the
inspection of which an antiquarian
would have reveled. It was easy to see
that Ballaid had applied himself par
ticularly to those branches of chemistry
which related to coloring, electro-plat
ing and paper-ma&ing. There was
little or nothing in the room that would
distinguish it from the sitting-room of j
a well-to-do mechanic, except in the ex
clusively scientific character of the
booKs and papers.
There was no stairway to the attic
simply a scuttle-hole which could be
reached by a short ladder and here the I
floor that was laid over the joists came
against the rafters of the roof on either
side, leaving a space like an inverted A
in which the operators might work.
Here was the printing press, and here
were the different colored inks, prepared
and tested iu the laboratory below.
Among the odds and ends, picked up
was a piece of something that looked
like a mixture of putty and wax,
bronzed over, and bearing the figures
"10." By careless handling it became
bent, but it was nevertheless handed to
Ballard (while his hearing before the
United states Commissioner was in
progress) for explanation as to its
uses. Mis first glance noted the
defect, and he said : " Why, you've
spoiled it. : When you found that it was
ready to have had just as nice a $10
medallion (the figures and border in the
left hand corner of the note) electro
typed from it as anybody ever saw."
That Ballard possesses a secret which
would be invaluable to the government
seems not only possible but probable.
The ' government paid a Frenchman
$50,000 for the secret of manufacturing
fiber paper for their greenbacks, sup
posing that would stop their being
counterfeited, but Tom Ballard wheth
er by the same method or not is not
known makes just as good fiber paper
as the government does, and he is the
only man who has counterfeited it suc
cessfully, and it is rather difficult to
determine the exact limit to which his
knowledge of chemistry in connection
with tank note making extends, but it
is well known that he is of himself a
first-class engraver, printer and chemist,
the proof of whose skill is shown by
his handiwork.
Good Santa Clans is said to be har
nessing up his reindeer. The famous
sleigh has been stowed full . already.
The sifts in it for - sood bovs and cdrls
are supposed to be beyond au precedent
in magnificence and variety. What they
are is still a profound secret. Inter
viewers are not tolerated in the domain
- . v. :
of the -Prin-e of Christmas, and the
most intimate friends of the potentate
are not indulged with private views."
We must all be truly good, and then
".we shall see what we shall see." One
thing you must all do, dear little folks,
and yon big ones, too, for that matter,
if yon want to please Santa Clans, and
that is to see that none of the families
he visits are suffering : with cold or
hunger. Uld oantais a good old Chris
tian, or else he has been loudly lied
about in everybody's prayers and if he
is a Christian, could he conscientiously
nil your house with guts on Christmas
day, if : he had just seen, in the course
of his trip, that yon were letting your
near neighbor go hungry and be in
want? ' -
Rape and Lynch Law.
One of .the most diabolical outrages
was committed upon two young ladies
within three miles of Houston, on last
Friday . morning, by a black . fiend by
the name . of Bill Montgomery. It
seems the young ladies had spent the
night at a neighbor's .house, and on
their return home in the morning they
were attacked in the -woods, the fiend
striking, the oldest and breaking her
jaw bone, then tied the youngest, and
in this condition kept them in the
woods for six long and dreary hours, to
satisfy his hellish passions. Suffice to
say the monster was caught and was
made to pay the penalty of his crime
by hanging by the neck till dead to a
tree in the Court-House square m the
town of Houston. .Both white and
colored participated m launching this
vile monster into eternity. Vkolona
Miss.') News. :
nr.inn Thomas Tatlob, of Louisi
ana, passed through all the perils of
the war of 1812, only to die of whoop
ing cough at tne age oi vo, last week.
WHEE4EB & TTILSOX'S HEW K0. 6 ,
-:- SEWINS JL4.CHISE. - -Americas
Institute, Mew Yert-Jt4Tea
Keport, sTsvr, 14, 18T
To the Board of Managers
Gsxtuexxx : After a full and impartial ex
amination of tbe article described, the under
igned judge make the following
BXPOBT (abstract):
That Sewing Machine No. 436 (Wheel
er & Wilson's New No. 6) was claimed
to be so great - an improvement, both
upon the well-known family machine
made by the same company, and upoa ,
all other sewing machines, as entitled it
to recognition as a new and valuable in
vention. Under these circumstances, an
extremely thorough and minute examina
tion became both desirable and neces
sary, not only of ite novelty, but of the
skill and workmanship manifested in
the fitting and adjustment of all its
parts. We have risen from such exam- ,
ination with au ample conviction that !
the claim, in all its essential features. "
is well founded.
At the commencement of our ex
amination. we were provided with sev
eral complete sets of all the working:
parts as they came from the manufac
tory, and were at liberty to make our .
own selection lor the construction oi
complete machine in our presence. We
thus had, to a large degree, a demonstra
tion of the nicety of the manufacture.
Every part was formed to fit every other
part with exact precision. So accurate
ly, for instance, did the several rotating: .
hooks fit in the same bearing, that .
while entering it, each one of them, ;
wit iout such contact as required force,
manifestly compressed the air within in
reaching, its proper seat.
The judges enumerate and describe
some of the points of novelty and ex
cellence of the machine. Among others:
The simple and efficient device for .
producing variable motion for the to
tatii'g hook ;
The independent take-up lever, which
secures the tightening of the stitch ra
der the best possible circumstances;
The peculiar form of the hook and the
use of a bobbin holding a great quan
tity of the under thread ;
The simple device for producing and
varying the tension of the lower thread ;
Tho hollow steel needle-bar ;
The facility of applying and using
many useful attachments the hemmer,
binder, corder, ruffler etc
Having completed the construction of
our trial machine, in the way indicated,
it was mounted upon a convenient
stand, and submitted to every variety
of test as to the range of work that
could be executed upon it propterly and
well, and without other adaptation than
simple changes of needle and thread.
Tke mere list of operations performed
in our presence without the slightest
hesitation or failure, and without the
discoverable loss of so much as a single
stitch, would convey an inadequate idea
of the complete success achieved.
Beginning with a needle measuring
but 17-1000 inch in diameter, and oper
ating with the finest thread neon lace '
goods, the same machine passed
through all the stages of muslin, and
broadcloth of all conceivable thicknesses
and foldings and ndgings, and then
with waxed thread stitching through
portions oi heavy harness leather.
After this demonstration oi its range
of work, we entered upon the nicer testa
required for a family and light manu
facturing machine. In this department -we
witnessed all the varieties of work
on hemming, felting and braiding, and
also a degree of success in single ana
double ruffling which we believe un
paralleled. The varied kinds of work
on a lady's boot were then performed.
and each of these with the same marked
success. Indeed, whatever the test, and v
whatever the work presented, the same
. . - i , -. .
nniauui peneouon was exjuoueo not - -
only in the work as a piece, but in the
execution of each individual stitch.
With much patient examination, wa
were unable to discover a single defect.
The minuteness of this report is av
simple reflection of the care with which
we have endeavored to examine these
claims. We find the chief advantage of
this machine to be in the use of a modi
fied form of the rotating hook as a sub- ,. ';
stitutefor the shuttle, the hook carry
ing the upper thread around the bobbin-'
containing the lower thread, and thus
producing identically the same effect as.
the shutue. xne superiority ox una
rotary motion over the reciprocating;
motion of the shuttle machines cannot
be disputed. The "look-stitch" which
is thus secured nas always ranked nign
est on account of the permanence
beauty, and general desirableness of the
smcning wnen aone, ana me wiae rango
of its application.
To these conceded advantages there
have been added, in our presence, Ifee
severest and most searching tests of its '
capacity and usefulness upon every
ordinarily possible kind of work, and
we can do no less than bear . witness to
the entire and remarkable success which
has attended ite action in every part of ,
our examination. - It is a machine
which, by the proof submitted, we are
satisfied must eventually supersede all
others now known with which it come .
in competition.
As the only conclusion at which we
can arrive after an investigation of the
several merits of each of the sewing
machines submitted, an investigatioa
which we have endeavored to make pa
tiently and completely in every respect, -and
associating these with our beat
judgment upon the merits of the sev
eral machines which are in use but notv
on exhibition:
We recommend for the Wheeler &
Wilson New iVo. 6 Sewing-machine-the
highest award which it is in the
power of the Institute to bestow.
JOHN A. BASSETT, 1
MOSES S. BEACH, j
TT w. STEELE. V Judges.-
JOHN MATTHEWS,
REUBEN BULIj, J
. The Board of Managers unanimously
approved the report, and recommended
fo this machine the Gold Medal of the .
Institute. -;. 'V;
, The Board of Direction unanimously .
approved this recommendation, ana
awarded the Gold Medal to Wheeler"& .
Wilson, the only gold medal awarded
for a sewing-machine by the American
Institute for many years.
1 Poor Jf other. ' ' Y
A blow aimed at the child must
strike through the very heart of - the
mother. Imagine, then, the agony en- . ; .
dured by the heroine of the subjoined '
incident : A little girl, while playing on '
a railroad track, got her foot so wedsred
in a . frog that she was held fast. Her
mother saw the predicament, and heard
the approaching train. She ran to the
rescue of the child, but could not ex
tricate the foot. The train oam on, and
although the engineer applied the
brakes, it was clear enough that it "
could not be stopped quick enough.
The mother finding that the girl could
not be less than maimed, held her aa
fax off the track as she could while the
cars went by. A foot was crushed, but
a life was saved.