The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, November 27, 1874, Image 6

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

My first desire, on reaching London,
was to visit the world-renowned Tower.
The immense pile stands on the eastern
extremity of the eity, and is wonder
fully imposing -not for its architectural
beauty, for it has none, but for its
gloomy, solemn solidty every stone
seeming to frown defiance to chance and
time. It appears to have been built to
last forever. Commenced more than
eight centuries ago, by William the
tjoiiqueror, it gradually increased in
strength and importance, until its name
became familiar throughout the civil
ized world.
For centuries it was the abode of
royalty, and the Kings and Queens of
England not only found shelter within
its walls in time of war, bnt homes of
luxury and magnificence in time of
In process of time, it became a prison
as well as a palace ; and, if the dumb
stones could be made to speak, we
should shudder at the blood-curdling
secrets they would reveal. Among the
unhappy victims who have perished
here, mostly at the hands of the heads
man, we recall the names of Lady Jane
Grey, Catherine Howard, Anne Boleyn,
Sir Walter Raleigh, King John of
France, William Wallace, Lord William
Russell, tbe Countess of Salisbury, Sir
Thomas More, and a whole army of
other unfortunates, conspicuous for
their crimes or their virtues, their mis
fortunes or their intrigues.
The immense structure covers an
area of 12 acres, and within this space
numerous separate buildings have been
erected, including the Barracks, White
Tower, St. Peter's Tower, Bloody Tower,
in which the young Princes were mur
dered ; the Bowyer Tower, in which the
Duke of Clarence was drowned in a
cask of wine ; the Brock Tower, in which
Lady J ane Grey was confined ; the
Beauchamp Tower, which was once the
prison of Anne Boleyn ; the Museum,
Armories, Picture Galleries, and the
famous Jewel-House.
Within the latter building are kept
the crown jewels of the British empire.
Prominent among them is the crown
worn by Victoria at the time of her
coronation, which originally cost nearly
SI, 000,000, and which contains, in the
aggregate, 2,809 diamonds of various
sizes, and all of unrivaled brilliancy.
Besides, the Jewel-House contains num
erous other crowns, of monarchs long
since dead ; the Orb a globe of gold,
6 inches in diameter, studded with dia
monds ; St. Edward's Staff, of solid
gold, 4 feet and 7 inches long, and
weighing 10 pounds ; the Golden Scep
ter ; the world-renowned Koh'noor,
valued at $16,000,000 ; and numerous
other jewels of enormous value, the
property of the nation, and essential to
the maintenance of royal magnificence
and pomp.
These baubles have a curious history.
In the early days of the nation, when
her monarchs were both poor and proud,
these glittering appendages of the
Kingly estate were not infrequently
' sp luted" to raise money to meet their
pxrsoial expenses. Henry IIL, Ed
ward III., Henry V., Henry VL, and
Richard II. , each borrowed large sums
of money from the me chants of Lon
don, leaving with he lenders these
crown treasures as a pledge that the
loans would be repaid.
On the abolition of monarchy in En
gland, after the death of Charles I.,
the jewels were stolen, destroyed or
On the restoration, Charles II. caused
a new regalia to be constructed, at a
cost of $1,500,000 ; and a large chamber
in the Tower was set apart for their
safe-keeping, which is now known as
the Jewel-House. It struck the writer
as a little singular that the English
government should enact an insignifi
cant fee from each visitor ; and I could
not repress the thought, and hardly the
expression, that it was unseemly fer
the British nation to turn showman,
and exhibit the baubles of its sovereign
at so much per head.
Though the Jewel- Hause is situated
near the center of a large collection of
buildings known by the general name
of the Tower of London, the yards,
walks and corridors, of which are ever
swarming with people, and though
carefully watched and strongly guarded,
numerous and ingenious attempts have
been made to steal the jewels.
Among the most noted, as well as
the most daring, of these attempts, was
that of CoL Blood, made in 1671, which,
for ingenuity of plot and boldness of
execution, has not been excelled by any
thing in these modern dayss.
Blood was the son of a wealthy Irish
merchant, whose means enabled him to
give his son a liberal education, and
whose social position secured him the
advantages of good society. Young
Blood was a Liberal in sentiment, and
served in the Cromwell army, where he
ttained the rank of Colonel. On the
restoration, his estates were confiscated
for the part he had borne in the revo
lution, and he became a penniless
The Duke of Ormond, Lord-Lieutenant
of Ireland, had been very active
in procuring the confiscation of Blood's
' property, and the latter resolved upon
revenge. Calling to his aid four dar
ing and desperate men, whom he had
known in the army, he mounted them
on fleet horses, and waited the oppor
tunity. One dark, stormy night, as the
Duke's carriage was passing along the
streets of London, the vehicle was
stopped, his Grace dragged from it,
bound, mounted behind one of his cap
tors, and hurried away toward Tyburn
their avowed intention being to hang
him on the gallows there. Fortunately,
on the way, he succeeded in loosening
the cords, jumped from the horse, and
escaped in the pitchy darkness.
A reward of $10,000 was offered for
the arrest of the daring kidnappers, but
none were ever apprehended, and it was
many years before Blood's agency in
the business was known, or even sus
pected. His next exploit was an attempt to
steal the crown. He needed money,
and he hated royalty ; and these rea
sons were quite sufficient to prompt him
to the commission of the offense. The
valuables were in the jewel house, under
a glass case, and under the especial care
of Talbot Edwards, an old officer of the
King's household. But Blood was not
easily baffled. He spent several months
devising the manner of the robbery
and perfecting the means of escape.
He found that it was essential that he
should first establish relations of inti
macy with the family of the keeper. So
he assumed the garb of a clergyman,
and, in company with s woman of the
town, whom he had thoroughly msti not
ed as to his designs, he visited the
Jewel-House, introducing the woman as
his wife.
While examining the jewels the wom
an, in accordance with her instruc
tions, feigned sudden illness, swooned,
and was carried by the kind-hearted
keeper to his private apartments, where
Mrs. Edwards rendered her every possi
ble attention.
The bogus parson professed the deep
est gratitude for this kindness, and, in
a few days, returned with some valua
ble presents for Mrs. Edwards, as a
token of his appreciation of her kind
ness to his wife. An intimacy thus
gradually grew up between the design
ing hypocrite and the Edwards family.
They were charmed by his general ur
banity, apparent respectability, and
seeming piety ; and their blind confi
dence greatly lessened the difficulties of
the villain's task.
Among the members of Mr. Edwards'
family was a handsome daughter, some
seventeen years of age, in whom Blood
professed a deep interest, and finally
proposed to her parents a marriage with
a nephew of his, whom he represented
to be young, respectable and pious,
with an income of 300 a year. The
young lady's parents approved the sug
gestion, and it was arranged that the
suitor should call on a certain day
Monday, May 1). On the evening be
fore the time appointed, Blood called, requested that, for reasons which
he proceeded to give, his nephew might
be received at 7 o'clock in the morning
an hour, it will be perceived, when
few people would be likely to be
abroad ; and also asked permission for
his nephew to bring two friends with
him to see the regalia assigning as a
reason that the friends were compelled
to leave London at an early hour.
The simple-minded Mr. Edwards was
only too glad to oblige his esteemed
friend, and gladly consented to the ar
rangement. At an early hour in the
morning the family were up, and pre
pared to receive their guests and future
Promptly the pretended parson and
his friends made their appearance
every one of them being a conspirator,
and each of them carrying concealed
under his cloak a short sword, a dirk,
and a pair of pistols.
Greeting Mr. Edwards warmly, Blood
apologized, and begged one more favor :
that his friends might be shown the
regalia at once, as they were pressed
for time and anxious to depart. Ac
cordingly, the party was conducted to
the jewel-room Mr. Edwards carefully
closing the door after him, as was his
custom. The " nephew " had been left
at the entrance, to warn the conspira
tors inside of approaching danger.
The door had no sooner closed than
the three villains threw of their dis
guise, and, drawing their weapons,
rushed upon the old man and threat
ened him with instant death if he gave
the slightest alarm. But the gallant
keeper was not easily intimidated, and
shouted lustily for assistance ; where
upon he was knocked down, cruelly
beaten, and left for dead.
Having thus disposed of the faithful
sentinel, Blood and his confederates set
rapidly at work to possess themselves of
the coveted treasure. The glass case in
which it was inclosed was shivered at
a single blow, and the Golden Crown,
glittering with its wealth of gems, was
quickly seized, and concealed under the
chief conspirator's ample cloak. Par
rott, another of the robbers, took pos
session of the Orb and other gems ;
while another proceeded to file the
Golden Scepter in two, that it might
the more readily be concealed.
Everything had thus far been aus
picious. The scheme had been cun
ningly devised ; the simple-minded
keeper had unwittingly extended to the
robbers every aid they needed ; and
they now found themselves alone in the
jewel house, well armed, and in pos
session of the coveted booty; and it
was only the merest accident which
prevented the complete success of the
bold scheme. A son of Mr. Edwards,
who was an officer on an English trad
ing vessel, chanced to arrive in port
that morning, in company with a
brother-in-law, Capt. Blackman, of the
British army, who had been a passen
ger on his vessel, and they hastened at
once to call upon the elder Edwards.
They passed Blood's pretended
nephew at the door, and proceeded di
rectly to the keeper's room. The sen
tinel immediately notified his accom
plices of the approaching danger, when
they made haste to gather such treas
ures as they could conceal, and beat a
hasty retreat.
But no sooner had they left the room
than Edwards, who had shrewdly
feigned insensibility, raised himself
from the pool of blood in which he had
been lying, and shouted for help with
all his remaining strength.
The robbers had, in their hasty flight,
left tne door of the room open, and his
cries were heard by his daughter, who
was passing along the hall to the draw
ing room, to which she had been sum
moned to meet her brother. Hastening
to the room from which the cries pro
ceeded, she took in the situation at a
glance, and ran shrieking to the room
where her brother and Capt. Blackman
were in waiting, exclaiming that her
father had been murdered and the crown
stolen. Young Edwards and his com
panion hastened to the jewel house, and
lifted up the wounded man ; but, at his
earnest request, they left him and went
in pursuit of the robberr, who were
straining every nerve to escape. They
had made their way out of the building,
and crossed the court yard without mo
lestation, and reached the drawbridge
over the moat. Here they came upon
a sleepy sentinel, who halted them ;
but Blood discharged a pistol at his
head, when the frightened man, though
unhurt, fell, and the fugitives passed
over him, cleared the outer gate, and
nearly reached the park, where fast
horses had been provided for them.
Bat the two pursuers had not been
idle, and were rapidly gaining on them.
Just as Blood cleared the last gate
Capt. Blackman came up with him, and
they grapled. A fierce struggle en
sued, but the Captain succeeded in
overcoming his antagonist, and the
crown was wrenched from his grasp.
As the daring man saw his hopes thus
disappear, and escape impossible, he
quietly surrendered, and playfully re
marked to his captor, " It was a gallant
struggle, however unsuccessful. It was
a straggle for a crown." Parrot and
the other accomplices, who had the orb
and other jewels, were soon overtaken
and captured, and ultimately the woman
who had so effectually aided the plot in
its inception was arrested. Thus ended
this bold attempt to steal the English
crown an attempt with few parallels
in any age.
The King was enraged at this insolent
attack on the emblems of royalty, and
ordered Blood to be immediately exam
ined in his presence.
Before the King, Blood preserved
the most insolent effrontery. He as
sured his Majesty that he feared nothing
human or divine. He was in their
power, and expected to suffer. But, he
said, he waa allied to one of the most
powerful organization in the kingdom,
consisting of thousands of men who had
solemnly sworn to stand by each other
and avenge their wrongs. He men
tioned several mysterious assassinations
which had recently taken place, and
declared that they had fallen by the
hand of the avenger; and that the
brotherhood had a dagger for every
man who harmed one of its members.
He said he would not threaten, but he
would say, in all kindness, to his
Majesty and his Ministers, that, if he
suffered, their fate would assuredly be
the same as those he had mentioned.
As he said this, he was looking di
rectly at the King, and, noticing that
he was affected, he proceeded to say :
"But, if your Majesty would spare
the lives of a few men, you might
oblige the hearts of many ; and your
Majesty will find that those who are so
bold and daring in mischief can, if par
doned and received into favor, perform
eminent service for the state."
The weak monarch was frightened at
Blood's revelations, though they were,
in all probability, false ; and the fear
of violence, and the hope of gaining the
favor of the powerful faction Blood was
supposed to control.induced him to deal
very leniently with the criminal. True,
he was returned to prison ; but com
fortable quarters were assigned him,
and his restrictions gradually removed,
until finally he was fully released, all
proceedings against him dismissed, and
he was even granted large estates in
Ireland. His influence with the King
became very great, and he soon took up
his residence in London, and was ad
mitted to the best society, where he was
courted and flattered because of his in
fluence with the Crown.
He died in 1090, leaving property
valued at S250.000. All his accom
plices in the great crime suffered death.
A Farmer's Boy.
Over fifty years ago a youth working
on a farm asked his father to give him
money enough to buy a gun. The old
man could not spare it ; but the boy,
nothing daunted, found an old piece of
iron about the place, and in the course
of time contrived to make a gun-barrel
out of it, with the very meager facilities
afforded by a country blacksmith's shop.
He had not the materials to make a lock
and stock, so he walked to the nearest
town and traded for the necessary at
tachments, and was encouraged by the
smith for having made so good a shooter.
This gave him the ambition to make
another ; so he went to cutting out
grindstones from the native rock to
raise the money for gun materials, and
in a shoit time there was a considerable
demand for guns of his make. During
the French war with Prussia he was
called upon to furnish guns for the
army, and in less than eight months he
made and delivered to the government
of France rifles of a particular pattern,
costing $5,000,000, which amount was
duly paid. The same man furnishes
rifles now for the United States, South
America, Rome, Spain, Egypt, and
Japan. The farmer's boy who wanted
a gun is Eliphalet Remington, of Hion,
N. Y. His manufactory covers four
acres of ground, and he employs 1,200
men. Not satisfied with this achieve
ment, he has recently completed a sew
ing machiue, which is reported to rep
resent the latest and most perfect ad
vance in the improvement of this im
portant adjunct of domestic economy.
This is the type of a boy who, when
there is not a way, makes a way for
Politeness Extraordinary.
When the " Te Deum " for the vic
tory was celebrated, Thiers and Mac
Mahon both attended the solemn cere
monv in the church at Versailles. Two
arm-chairs had been placed near the
high altar, one for Madame the wife of
the Marshal, the other for Mme. Thiers,
wife of the President of the Republic.
Mme. MacMahon, born Duchess of
Castree, understood her position, and,
knowing that the right is the place of
honor, modestly seated herself on the
left. While the Duchess was still
kneeling, Mme. Thiers arrived.
"Dear Madame, your chair is on the
other side !"
' You are too good, Madame I Really
I cannot consent."
"Take itr I beg !"
" Since you desire it ; but really you
embarrass me 1" And Mme. MacMahon
rose from her knees and betook herself
to the right and continued her prayers,
while Mme. President Thiers knelt os
tentatiously at the left. The ceremony
over Mme. MacMahon expressed her
acknowledgments for the courtesy of
Mme. Thiers.
" Yon have nothing to thank me for,"
the latter replied. " You did not
know, of course, that when I came in
you were occupying my place !"
" Your place ! On the left, Mme.
Presidents ?"
" Certainly, Mme. Marshale. The
Queens of France always placed them
selves at the left of the altar. It was
the only place, indeed, where the Queen
did not seat herself on the right ; it is
so in order that the Queen might be
first under the hand of the Bishop as he
turns to give the benediction. "
The gratitude of Mme. MacMahon,
born a Castree, for this lesson in royal
etiquette which the daughter of M.
Dosne had condescended to give her,
may be imagined. Galaxy.
Corn in England.
The N. Y. Tribune contains the fol
lowing: It would be strange indeed if
we should be indebted to England for a
variety of corn hardy enough to resist
severe frosts. A statement is, however,
published in the English papers that
" Cobbett's thousand-fold . acclimated
Indian corn " has been successfully
adapted to the cool and variable climate
of England, in which heretofore our
corn could not be grown or ripened.
William Cobbett will be remembered as
the English Liberal agitator who for
some time had his residence upon Long
Island. His son, William Cobbett, has
long been endeavoring to introduce the
growth of corn into England, and now
it seems he claims to have succeeded.
We learn that upwards of three acres of
this acclimated corn is now growing at
Hounslow, near London, and that it
has successfully withstood some severe
frosts with great hardihood, and is now
very promising. If our neighbors in
the East have really produced a frost
proof corn so prolific as it is made to
appear by the sounding title given to it,
and which we have quoted, it will go to
shake our faith in our permanent de
pendence upon Europe as a market for
our surplus crop of this cereal, and, on
the contrary, cause us to look thither
for a supply of seed of so valuable a
plant. But we are somewhat doubtful
as to the truth of this statement.
Glue fob Wounds. Glue of best
quality on a cloth placed over a flesh
wound is said to be not only a speedy
curative but a formidable protection
against further injury. When dry it
shrinks, holding the wound tight and
firm. Every two or three davs the
(wound should be dressed and fresh ap
plication of glue be made.
Don't Please, Don't.
Don't tell the little one, who may be
slightly willful, that "the black man
will come out of the dark cellar and
carry it off if it does not mind." Don't
create a needless fear to go with the
child through all the stages of its ex
istence. Don't tell the little five-year-old Jim
my " the sohool ma'am will cat off his
ears " " pull out his teeth " " tie him
up " or any of the horrible stories that
are commonly presented to the childish
imagination. Think you the little one
will believe anything yon tell him after
he becomes acquainted with the gentle
teacher who has not the least idea of
putting these terrible threats into exe
cution ?
Don't tell the children they must not
drink tea because it will make them
black, while you continue the use of it
daily. Your example is more to them
than precep; ; and while your face is as
fair as a June morning they will scarce
ly credit the oft-told tale. Either give
up drinking the pleasant beverage or
give your children a better reason for
its non-use.
Don't tell them that they must not
eat sugar or sweetmeats, because it will
rot their teeth. Pure sugar does not
cause the teeth to decay ; and sugar
with fruits is nutritious and healthy,
notwithstanding the " old saw " to the
contrary. The case of city children is
often cited as if the cause of their pale
faces and slight constitution were an
over amount of sweetmeats with their
diet, when the actual cause is want of
pure air and proper exercise.
Don't tell the sick one that the medi
cine is not bad to take, when you can
hardly keep your own stomach from
turning " inside out " at the smell of it.
Better by far to tell him the simple
truth, that it is disagreeable, but neces
sary for his health, and you desire him
to take it at once. Ten to one he will
swallow it with half the trouble of coax
ing and worry of words, and love you
better for your firm, decided manner.
Don't teach the children by example
to tell white lies to each other and to
their neighbors. Guard your lips and
bridle your tongue if you desire to
have the generation truthful. Truth
fulness is one of the foundation stones
ef heaven. Remember the old, old
Book says, " no liar " shall enter within
the gates of the beautiful city. There
is no distinction between white lies and
those of a darker hue. The falsehood
is an untruth, whether the matter be
great or small. Rural New Yorker.
The Warmth of Clothing.
The London Medical Record says
that Dr. Von Pettenkofer, in a careful
study of this subject recently published,
has pointed out that the permeability
of stuffs to air is a condition of their
warmth. Of equal surfaces of the fol
lowing materials, he found that they
were permeated by the following relative
quantities of air, the most porous flannel,
such as is used ordinarily for clothing,
being taked at 100 ; flannel, 100 ; linen
of medium fineness, 58 ; silk, 40 ; buck
skin, 58 ; tanned leather, 1 ; chamois
leather, 51. Hence, if the warmth of
c'othing depend upon the degree in
which it keeps out the air from our
bodies, then glove-kid must be 100
times warmer than flannel, which every
one knows is not the fact. The whole
question, then, is resolved intolhat of
ventilation. If several layers 1f the
same material be placed together, and
the air be allowed to permeate through
them, the ventilation through the sec
ond layer is not much less than through
the first, since the meshes of the two
form a system of continuous tubes of
uniform diameter, and the rapidity of
the movement of the air through these
is affected merely by the resulting frio- j
tion. xnrougn eur ciotning, men, tnere
passes a stream of air, the amount of
which, as in ventilation, depends upon
the size of the meshes, upon the differ
ence of temperature between the exter
nal and internal atmosphere, and upon
the velocity of the surrounding air.
Our clothing, then, is required not to
prevent the admission of the air, but to
regulate the same so that our nervous
system shall be sensible ef no move
ment in the air. Further, our clothes,
at the same time, regulate the tempera
ture of the contained air, as it passes
through them, so that the temperature
of the air between the clothing and the
surface of our body averages 84 deg. to
86 deg. Fahrenheit. Tne hygroscopic
property of different material used for
clothing essentially modifies their func
tions. This property varies with the
different materials ; wool, for instance,
takes up more water than linen, while
the latter takes up and gives off its wa
tery contents more rapidly than the
former. The more the air is displaced
by water from the clothes, the less will
be their power of retaining the heat ;
in other words, they will conduct the
heat more rapidly, and hence we are
quickly chilled by wet garments.
The Largest Yaulted Roof in the
The largest vaulted roof in the world
is claimed by Vienna that belonging
to the great Exposition building. It is
said to cover nine times the space of the
dome of St. Paul's, in London ; eight
times the area of the dome of St.
Peter's, and seven times that of St.
Sophia, at Constantinople. This miracle
of architectural skill is 360 feet in
diameter, 1,089 feet round, and stands
on a ring of thirty columns 36 feet
apart around the circumference. With
in the ring of columns there is no sup
port. The upper dome, 100 feet in
diameter, admits light by a series of
windows 40 feet high and 10 feet wide,
between thirty columns which carry the
upper dome. The slope of the cone is
30 deg. , and the length of the slope on
all sides is 200 feet. The roof is formed
of 360 iron plates, tapering uniformly
upward from the circumference to the
apex of the cone. They are riveted like
the plates of a ship.
A Beautiful Incident.
A gentleman relates that many years
ago he was on a visit to the Isle of
Man, and during his walks he strolled
into the churchyard, where repose the
bodies of many faithful and hnmble
Christians. Near a grave in a corner
of the churchyard he noticed a lady
with a little girl (the latter about 12
years of age) to whom she was relating
the story of the " Dairyman's Daugh
ter," whose remains layjbeneath their
feet. As the lady proceeded with the
narrative he observed the little girl lift
up her eyes filled with tears, and heard
her say that she would try and be as
good as the dairyman's daughter. Af
ter planting a beautiful lily on the
grave they walked away. The gentle
man, upon making inquiry, found that
the lady was the Duchess of Kent and
the little girl her daugntfer. The latte
is now Queen of England.
A Georgia olanter drained his rice
swamp last year, and planted the ground
with corn last spring. A hybrid crop
is his reward, the stalk, blades and cob
being that of corn, while the kernels on
the cob are rice.
Tying her bonnet unler her chin.
She tied her raven ringleti in ;
But not alone in the silken snare
Did she catch her lovely floating hair,
I or, tying her bonnet under her chin,
She tied a yonng man's heart within.
They were strolling together up the hill,
Where the wind comes blowing merry and chill
And it blew the curls, a frolicsome race,
All over the happy peach-aolored face,
Till, scolding and laughing, she tied them in.
Under her beautiful dimpled chin.
Acid it blew a color, bright as the bloom
Of the pinkest fuchsia's tossing plume.
All over the cheeks of the prettiest girl
That ever imprisoned a romping curl,
Or, tying her bonnet under her chin,
Tied a young man's heart within.
Steeper and steeper grew the hill ;
Madder, merrier, chillier still
The western wind blew down, and played
The wildest tricks with the little maid,
As, tying her bonnet under her chin,
She tied a young man's heart within.
O western wind, do you think it was fair
To play such tricks with her floating hair ?
To gladly, gleefully do your best
To blow her against the young man's breast.
Where he as gladly folded her in.
And kissed her mouth and her dimpled chin ?
Ah ! Ellery Vane, yon little thought
An hour ago, when you besought
This country lass to walk with you,
After the sun had dried the dew,
What perilous danger you'd be in,
As she tied her bounet under her chin.
Canon law Touch and go.
The mosquito's note is always pro
tested. A business note ; Paper mills are
running on reduced time and paper on
extended time.
A very fat English lady boasted that
she had brought her husband 20,000.
" Well, you look it !" replied her
Db. Aver, of Lowell, will leave his
handsome daughter $2,000,000 in green
backs, and there's a sugar-coated pill
worth taking.
An Eastern paper tells what " a
brutal stepfather of Cincinnati " did.
We have heard, ere yet, of city fathers,
but never before knew of a city with a
step-father. Detroit Tribune.
One of the "Black Crook" ballet
girls fell on the foot-lights at Sacra
mento, a few evenings since, but es
caped burning from the fact that
she had nothing on which would take
" Biddy," said a lady, " step over and
see how old Mrs. Jones is this morn
ing.'" In a few minutes Biddy returned
with the information that Mrs. Jones
was seventy-two years, seven months,
and two days old that morning.
An ostentatious undertaker of Troy,
having charge of an aristocratic fir neral
lately, mounted the altar steps and de
livered the following address : " La
dies and gentlemen will please keep
their seats till the corpse passes out."
A Sabbath-school teacher in an ad
joining town asked one of her scholars
what animals Noah took into the ark,
to which she received the very prompt
reply : " The leopard, the shephefrd,
the bob-tail monkey and the bear."
Smart boy.
A gentleman who had the curiosity
to spend a dime in answering an adver
tisement which promised valuable ad
vice for that amount, received by mail
the following answer : " Friend, for
ten cents postage, please find inclosed
advice which may be of great value to
you : As many persons are injured for
weeks, months and years by the care
less use of a knife, therefore, my advice
is, when you use a knife always whittle
from you."
Alas ! alack ! and welladay !
How short my cash is running ;
I find I cannot make my way
By poetry and punning.
But poverty is not a crime,
And I am young and clever ;
This kind of thing will end in time
It can't go on forever.
My health is in a pretty state !
I'm something of a skeptic
Regarding the decrees of fate
(Which means that I'm dyspeptic).
But this may alter by-and-by ;
Shall I despair ? No, never.
I must in time get well or die ;
It can't go on forever.
I love, and I must bear the woe
To which my folly dooms me ;
She knows, but will not seem to know
The passion that consumes me.
My heart is fettered in a chain
Impossible to sever ;
'Twill break or struggle free again
It can't go on forever.
Billings! ana.
Too grate a luv ov popularity makes
a monkey ov a man.
Tharo iz a grate deal ov moral dispep
shy ; it iz cauzed bi neglekting the fish
balls ov every day life, and trieing to
liv on the whipt sillybub ov an etherial
Tru luv makes mankind commit
menny follys, but seldum, if ever, makes
them commit crimes.
Yn mite az well undertake to wear out
a looking-glass bi gazing at it as to
kleanze the human harte ov its var
The man who never takes enny
chances makes az menny blunders az
enny boddy.
I notiss one thing, now that i am git
ting old, when folks meet me they are
dreadphull glad to see me, but they are
in a grate hurry, and don't want to talk
haff so long az i do i mistrust sum
things. Thare is a grate deal ov charity in
this world that sticks sotite to the fingers
that it kant be got oph.
Free luv iz the art, or science, ov luv
ing someboddy else's wife more than
yu do yure own, and trieing to preserve
the average it kant be did.
If a man knows himself thoroly, and
hiz nabor sum, he iz just about az wize
az he kan be.
It aint safe to bet on ennything, not
even on to-morrow.
The man who haz been waiting for
the last 15 years for snmthing to
turn up, iz to work on. the same job
Mi opinyun iz, if Adam and Eve waz
to try it over agin in the Garden of
Eden, they wouldn't be happy nn
till they had repeated their old blun
der. He who repents ov a sin iz a stroner
and a safer man than he who never
committed one.
Bio Hour-Stretch. " I conversed,"
says a writer, " with a racist to-day.
He told me how ho won a race in New
Haven. For four weeks he mixed soft
rubber with the horse's oats, and every
day he hitched that horse to a post and
opened a blue-cotton umbrella in his
face, making him pull pack, stretching
his neck awfully. Then when he shut
his umbrella the horse would stop pull
ing, and his neck would resume its
original length. He got the horse's
neck very elastic, and on the day of the
race, as his and other horses were on
the home-stretch, side by side, just at
the finish, the driver struck this man's
horse a blow behind his ears, and his
neck shot out almost a rod, winning the
race by a neck. It is said to be the
biggest home-stretch on record."
Exchange Office,
Deposits received subject to check at sight.
Interest allowed on time deposits in coin.
Exchange on Portland, San Francisco and New
York for sale at lowest rates.
Collections made and promptly remitted.
Refers to II. W. Corbett, Henry Failing, W. S.
Banking hours from 8 a. m. to 4 p. m.
Albany, Feb. 1, 187-i . . 22vC
Albany, Oregon.
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
Will practice in all the Courts in the Second, Third
and Fourth Judicial Districts, in the Supreme Court
of Oregon, and in the U. 8. District and Circuit
Office in Parrish brick (up-staire), in office occu
pied by the late N. H. Cranor, First street, Albany,
Oregon. tolSvR
D. B. EICE, M. D.,
Office, First-st., Between Ferry and. Washington.
Residence, Third street, two blocks below or cast
of Methodist Church, Albany, Oregon. v5n40
Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
L. Flinn, Notary Public), Albany, Oregon. Collec
tions and conveyances promptly attended to. 1
Albany Book Store.
Dealer in
Miscellaneous Books, School Books, Blank
Books, Stationery, Fancy Articles, &c.
Books imported to order at shortest possible no
ice. vCn0
D E TSJ" T I H T 9
Office in Parrish Brick Block, corner First and
Ferry streets.
Residence, corner Fifth and Ferry streets.
Office hoars from 8 to 12 o'clock a. m. and 1 to 5
o'clock p. m. IHvi
Epizootics Distanced.
And is flourishing like a green bay tree. Thankful
for past favors, and wishing to merit ihe continu
ance of the same, the BAY TEAM will always be
ready, and easily found, to do any hauling within
the city limits, for a reasonable compensation.
Delivery of goods a specialty.
20v5 A. N. ARNOLD, Proprietor.
Pealer in
Groceries. Provisions, Tobacco, Cigars,
Cutlery, Crockery, and Wood and Willow Ware.
Albany, Oregon.
S3S Call and see him. 24v5
The Metzler Chair!
Can be had at the following places :
Harrisburg Sam May
Junction City Smith & Bras held
Brownsville Kirk & Hume
Halsey J. M. Morgan
Scio J. J. Brown
Albany Graf & Collar
A full supply can also be obtained at my old shop
on First street, Albany, Oregon.
Piles IPiles!
Why say this damaging and troublesome com
plaint cannot be cured, when so many evidences of
snccess might be placed before you every day
cures of supposed hopelesB cases ? Your physician
informs you that the longer you allow the complaint
to exist, you lessen your chances for relief. Kx-
perience has taught this in all cases.
A. Carotliers & Co.'s Pile Pills & Ointment
Are all they are recommended to be. Will cure
Chronic, Blind and Bleeding Piles in a very short
time, and are convenient to -use.
This preparation is sent by mail or express to any
point within the United States at $1.50 per package.
Address A. CARO FHERS & CO (
27 v5 Box 33. Alabany, Oregon.
Groceries and Provisions,
Has just opened his new grocery establishment, on
Corner of Ellsworth and First Streets,
With a fresh stock of Groceries, Provisions, Candies,
Cigars, Tobacco, &c, to which hu invites the atten
tion of our citizens.
In connection with the store he will keep a Bakery,
and will always have on hand a full supply of fresh
Bread, Crackers, &c.
Call and see me.
February 16. 24v4
The Old Stove Depot
John Briggs,
Dealer in
Cook, Parlor and Box Staves!
Tin, Sheet Iron and Copper Ware,
And the usual assortment of Furnishing Goods to
be obtained in a Tin Store.
Repairs neatly and promptly executed on reason
able terms.
Short Reckonings Make Long: Friends.
Front Street, Albany.
Dec. 6, 1874. 1
Everything Zsew.
Manufacturers and Dealers in
Bureaus, Bedsteads, Tables, Lounges,
Sofas, Spring Beds, Chairs, Etc.,
Always on hand or made to order on the shortest
Furniture repaired expeditiously and at fair rate.
Salesroom and Factory on First Street.
ineax senmtet'l Bakery.
Albany, Feb. 28, 1874-26. GBAF fc COLLAR.
A. W. GAMBLE, M. D.,
Office on First St., over Weed's Grocery Store
Residence opposite late residence of John C. Men
denhall, near the Foundry, First street, Albany.
October 22, 1873.
We7bfoot Market!
Having leased the Webfoot Market, on First street,
adjoining Gradwohl's, respectfully asks a share of
the public patronage. The market will be kept con
stantly supplied with all kinds of fresh meats. Call
and nee.
SW The highest cash price paid for Hides.
Albany, August 14, 1874.
W. H. McFarland,
(Late M. M. Harvey & Co.,)
Next Door to Conner's Bank,
Force and Lift Pumps,
Lead and Iron Pipe,
Hollow Ware,
House Furnishing Hardware,
Tin,Copper Sheet Iron Ware.
June 11, 1874.
Foundry and MacMne Slop,
A. F. CHERRY, Proprietor,
Steam Engines,
Flour and Saw Mill Machinery,
Wood-Working & Agricnltural Maciiiiiery .
And all kinds of
Iron and Brass Castings.
Particular attention paid to repairing all kinds ol
machinery. 41v3
Drugs, Chemicals,
Oils, Paints,
Dyes, Class,
Lamps, Etc.
All the popular
Particular care and promptness given ph y si clans
prescriptions and family recipe.
Albany, Oregon. 4v5
&c, &c, &c,
Cheap for Cash !
Country Produce of All Kinds Bongnt
For Merchandise or Cash.
This is the p'ace to get the
Best Bargains Ever Offered In Albany.
Parties will always do well to call and see for them
selves. II. WEED.
First Street, Albany, Oregon.
Mustang Liniment
Was first known in America. Tts merits are now
well known throughout the habitable world. It haa
the oldest and best record vt any Liniment in the
world. From the millions upon millions of bottles
sold not a single complaint has aver reached us. As
a Healing and Pain-Subduing Uniment it haa no
equal. It is alike
Sold by all Druggists.
Homestead Tonic
Plantation Bitters
Is a purely Vegetable Preparation, composed of
CaUeaya Bark, Roots, Herbs and Fruits, among
which will be found Saraaparillian, Dandelion, Wild
,UeII.y' "of""1. Tausy, Gentian, Bweet Flag, etc.;
also Tamarinds, Dates, Prunes and Juniper Berries,
prServed ,n m ""nicieut quantity (only) of the spirit
of Hugar Cane to keep in any climate. They invari
ably relieve and cure the following complaiuts :
Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Liver Complaints, Loss of
Appetite, Headache, Bilious Attacks, fWer and
Ague, Hummer Complaints, 8our Stomach, Palpita
tion of the Heart, General Debility, etc. They are
especially adapted as a remedy lor the diseases to
Are subjected ; and as a tonic for the Aged. Feeble
and Debilitated, have no equal. They are strictly in
tended as a Temperance Tonic or Bitters, to be
used as a medicine only, and always according to
Sold by all Fib bt-Class Druggists.