rmusllEI) EVF BY TRTBATEV
COLL- VAN CLEVE.
ALBANY, - -
OREGON.
A PRIMA DONNA'S TOOTH.
Mme. Pauline fardot, the ever-to-be-remembered
Fides, in Meyerbeer's
'Prophete,"had one of her incisive teeth
in her upper jaw longer than the rest of
her pearly jewels, which somewhat dam
aged the beautiful expression of her
physiognomy. A few evenings before
the production of the " Prophete," dur
ing one of the general rehearsals of
that opera, Meyerbeer went into her
room in the theater, and advised her
that he could not consent to let her sing
Fides. "How so ?" exclaimed the great
artiste, stupefied at such adreadful rev
elation. "Am I wrong in the inter
pretation of any part of the role ? If
so, you should tell me, sir, and I will
correct myself." "Madame, you are a
perfect Fides, and I could not dream
of any tragedian songstress to sing and
play better than you," answered the
maestro, "bat but you cannot per
form Fides! unless " "Unless what ?"
quickly replied Pauline Viardot, burst
ing into tears. "Unless you submit
to a painful surgical operation, and I
guess you won't, madame. " 4 ' What do
you think, sir ?" "Simply this, mad
ame : you must have that overgrown
tooth sawn to the level of the others."
" Oh ! sir, it must be horrible. Surely
IH be dead before the excision is over."
" Not at all, madame, I have just or
dered the dentist of the Queen of Prus
sia to come to Paris for the express
purpose of attending your operatic maj
esty, and you may rely upon his unsur
passed skill. " As it was the sine qua
non condition imposed by the hard-to-please
maestro, Pauline Viardot made
up her mind to confide her beautiful
head to Herr Mullkeistrom, M. D., who
first chloroformed her, and with a magic
dexterity . removed at once the obnox
ious bit of ivory. A few nights after
that " terrible " trial. Pauline Viardot
"won her crown of immortality in that
role of Fides in which she will never be
xnaia. " When the tremendous echoes
of the enthusiastic applause and rappels
had abated, and the artists were allowed
to leave the stage, Giacomo Meyerbeer,
trembling like a child, with emotion,
respectfully took Fides' right wrist, to
which he adjusted a diamond bracelet
worth 30,000 francs, in the middle of
-which, and surrounded by rubies, stood
the small piece of tooth that for so many
years had been prominent in the great
artiste's features.
FISHING FOR SMELT.
The Traveller tells the following
story of an old gentlemen who passes
his summer days at a favorite resort in
Boston harbor. The other morning
before 4 o'clock he took his fishing rod
and basket and went gravely (he does
everything gravely) down to the land
ing, to fish an hour or two before break
fast. The sport was not over exciting,
and after he had caught one smelt he
took a short nap, the smelt meanwhile
having been deposited in the basket.
; Another bite came, and another smelt
was caught and placed in the basket.
Two," says the old gentleman, lacon
ically, but to his surprise his first fish
was gone. He wondered a little, but
took another nap. Then caught an
other smelt. " Two now," said the old
man ; but wonder again, the second fish
had disappeared. He tried one more
nap with the same result, and after
catching his fourth fish determined to
watch his basket while the fifth smelt
was biting. The thief was discovered,
and proved to be an immense and
cheeky wharf rat not a human wharf
rat, but a rodent. He had been feed
ing during the pleasant sleep of the an
cient fisherman, and no doubt went off
to tell his friends what a kind old fellow
had been roosting on the landing.
In 1862 what was known as the
"Wicked Bible " was printed and is
sued. It derived its title from the fact
that the word "not "was accidentally
omitted from the seventh command
ment by one of the intelligent com
positors of the period, and an act of
Parliament ordered the destruction of
the edition.
The statistics published by the Mon
treal Board of Health for the month of
August are well calculated to startle the
people of that enterprising city. Ac
cording to the Gazette, there occurred
583 deaths within the municipal limits
during that month, which, estimating
the population at 120,000, gives a mor
tality rate of 58. 70 per thousand inhab
itants. " This," remarks the Gazette,
"means that out of every thousand
persons in the city ef Montreal, 58 or
59 die in the course of the year. So, if
the population were not being continu
ally reinforced by births, and by new
arrivals, the entire mass of 120,000 per
sons would be taken to their last home
-within seventeen years ; or, in other
words, the average life of a citizen of
Montreal is but seventeen years.
Cool Esocgh. An impecunious gen
tleman once saw a thief enter his room
when the moon shone brightly upon
him. He lay quietly, as if in sound
sleep, for a time, as the examination
went rapidly oh. At length he was con
vulsed with laughter, which started the
miscreant peering into his desk. See
ing he was taken at a disadvantage,
the intruder turned and asked what
occasion there was for such an outburst.
He replied, "I was thinking how ex
tremely ridiculous it ia for you to be
searching for money in the night when
I am unable to find any in the day
time.". Mcsketoes have become as great a
nuisance in England as they are in the
United States, from which, it is said,
they were imported in 1870.
WAR OF CHURCH AND STATS.
Nearly all the European correspond
ents of the American press are just now
nursing with great earnestness the
probabilities and inevitabilities of a
conflict between church and state in
Europe. A late London letter reviews
exhaustively the situation. The writer
alleges that Pere Hyacinthe is as cer
tain as Mr. Disraeli is that a terrible re
ligious war is about to break out all over
Europe, and that this is to be preceded
or followed by other wars, so that for
some years to come war is to prevail
" international war, civil war, and re
ligious war." ' Mr. Loyson gave expres
sion to these sad forebodings at a ban
quet given in Geneva to the members
of the International Law Conference.
He was frank in saying that it was quite
useless to hope for a reign of peace on
earth as long as " the moral perversity"
of man remained, and that wars would
continue until "evil was destroyed."
The coming religious war was a renewal
of the old conflict between the church and
tne state ; the coming civil war would be
a conflict between labor and capital, and
the coming international war would be
one led on by the jealousies and rivalry
of nations. The future of Europe was,
indeed, "an appalling one. Mr. Dis
raeli has lately taken care to express
the same opinion. The war once com
menced, all Europe will be drawn into
it, and even England will find it. hard to
preserve her neutrality. The United
States alone, adds the correspondent
and prophet, can afford to be a specta
tor and iuot an actor in the conflict ; and
when the combatants have torn each
other to pieces and the combat slack
ens in consequence of sheer exhaustion,
the republic may step in as arbitrator
and peacemaker.
OUR RAILROADS.
At the end of 1873 there were re
ported 71,564.9 miles of main lhi$s,
and 13,512 miles of sidings and double
tracks, making 85,077.9 miles of rail
roads within the United States. Of fhe
main lines 5,402.3 miles were in the New
England States, 11,209 in the Middle
States, 33,905.9 in the Western Stales,
and 2,081.3 in the Pacific States. Vfon
these roads locomotives were runniig,
and a large proportion of them used
wood for fuel. The number of ties lised
varies from 2,200 to 2,800 per mile. If
we take 2,500 as a mean, we find that
212,692,500 pieces of timber, eight feet
long, and from six to eight inches be
tween upper and lower surfaces, are re
quired to supply even this item. The
durability of ties varies with the kind
of timber, soil, climate and use, Hing
ing from four to ten years. Taking six
as an average, the amount requirel for
annual supply must be 35,448,750
pieces, or 94,530,000 cubic feet. In
considering this we must remember
that a large amount of waste occurs
from hewing and from leaving the
upper parts of trees, some of which are
used as firewood, the remainder being
a total loss. It must also be borne in
mind that the demand for timber by
railroads, besides for ties and fuel, is
very great, including fencing, bridges,
buildings and structures of various
kinds ; that the risk from fires is ex
ceptionally great, and our require
ments in this direction are increasing
even more rapidly than our supplies are
wasting.
WHO WROTE SHAKESPEARE?
Says a correspondent of the Rich
mond Enquirer : Hamlet overheard
Julius Csesar tell King Lear, on the
Twelfth Night after the Tempest, that
Antony and Cleopatra had told Cori
olanus that Two Gentlemen of Verona
were the authors of Shakespeare's
plays. Lear said : You may take it
As You Like It, but I don't believe it,
for I heard Borneo and Juliet say that
their Love's Labor was Lost when
Troilus and Cressida stole the Comedy
of Errors and sold it to the Merchant
of Venice. Timon of Athens and Cym
belline were parties to the theft, and,
after drinking Measuie for Measure
with the Merry Wives of Windsor, told
King John all about it. Richard IIL
(a competent critic) said Bacon could
not write even a Winter's Tale, and
Henry V ill. says tliat settles it : so
why make so Much Ado About Noth
ing ? Othello was busy dealing a five
cent game of faro to the IV., V. and
VI. Henrys, and the only remarks made
by them were an occasional " Prindle,
don't turn ; hold on," and a few other
forcible remarks of a cursory nature ;
and, as Richard II. was absent Taming
the Shrew, I could get no further evi
dence as to who wrote Shakespeare.
But All's Well that Ends Well.
THE DISEASE OF THE DAY.
A correspondent of the Boston Jour
nal writes : " Paralysis is becoming a
prime disease. It is not confined to the
fleshy, the plethoric, nor to the aged.
The fast life of our business young men
tells on them. It is a very common
thing to see men of thirty and thirty
five bald-headed, feeble-gaited, and
walking abcut with canes, their under
pinning knocked out, with other signs
of premature age. These signs of early
weakness develop in paralysis. Sudden
deaths from this cause are very com
mon. Several have occurred in railroad
trains ; the vibration seems to predis
pose persons to the disease. Not long
since a gentleman died in one of our
churches. He was interested in a case
of discipline. He made a report to the
church on the case, sat down, laid
his head on the back of the seat
and instantly expired. In another
case, a man not accustomed to
public speaking arose to relate
his religious experience. He was
so excited that he could scarcely speak.
In the midst of his remarks he was
seized with paralysis, and carried to
his home. Our young men will have to
tone down their style of living if they
amount to anything.'
THE TI UEl.ESS BRAIA
Our brains are seventy-year clocks.
The angel of life winds them up once
for all, then closes the case, and gives
the key into the hands of the angel of
the resurrection. Tic, tac, tic, tac, go
the wheels of thought. Our will cannot
stop them, sleep cannot still them, mad
ness only makes them go faster. Death
alone can stop them by breaking into
the case and seizing the ever swinging
pendulum which we call the heart, si
lencing at last the clickingof the terrible
escapement we have carried so long
beneath our wrinkled foreheads. If we
could only get at them as we lie on our
pillows and count the dead beats of
thought after tnought, and image after
image jarring through the tired organ.
Will nobody block those wheels, un
couple that pinion, cut the string that
holds these weights, blow up the ma
chine with gunpowder ? What a pas
sion comes over us sometimes for silence
and rest if this dreadful mechanism
unwinding the endless tapestry of time,
embroidered with spectral figures of
life and death, could have but one brief
holiday. Who can wonder that men
swing themselves off from beams in
hempen lassoes ; that they jump off
from parapets into the swift and gur
gling waters beneath ; that they take
counsel of the grim fiend who has but
to utter his peremptory monosyllables,
and the restless machine is shivered as
a vase dashed upon a marble floor. If
anybody would really contrive some
kind of a lever that we could thrust in
among the works of this horrible au
tomaton and check them or alter their
rate of going, what would the world not
give for the discovery ? Men are very
apt to get at the machine by some indi
rect reason or other. They clap on the
brakes by means of opium, they change
the maddening monotony by the use of
intoxicating liquors. It is because the
brain is locked up, and we cannot touch
the movements directly that we thrust
these coarse tools through any crevice
by which they may reach the interior,
alter its rate of going for a while, and
at last spoil the machine.
A BRA VE HERO.
To the already long roll of American
railroad heroes must be added the name
of Thomas Furlong, baggage master on
the Old Colony railroad's New Bedford
express train. Mr. Furlong happened
to be riding on one of the switching en
gines in the Boston yard, which was
backing over the draw. Just as the
engine was entering the bridge struc
ture, Mr. Furlong noticed two men
starting to walk over the narrow tim
bers, on which the rails are laid, and,
seeing their peril, he told the engineer
to shut off, and then prepared for the
rescue of the men. One of them was
struck by the engine and thrown to one
side, where he lodged, comparatively
uninjured. The other man had pro
ceeded further on the timber, and, if
struck by the engine, would have been
thrown lengthwise on the rail, and con
sequently cut in haves. Mr. Furlong
reached forward, and taking the man
by the chin raised him from the track
with the intention of carrying him
across to tne other side; but, his
strength being unequal to this task, he
lifted the man clear of the rail and
dropped him over into the water. By
this time the engine was slowed con
siderably, so that, leaping off, Mr.
Furlong and the fireman secured a boat
hook and fished the man from the
water. The rescued men were employed
as divers at the Broadway bridge draw
pier, and were filled with gratitude to
their daring rescuer. This is by no
means Mr. Furloag's first successful
attempt at life-saving.
HOW INDIANS CLIMB TREES.
In South America even the weakest
may be, not uncommonly, seen pluck
ing the fruit at the tree tops. If the
bark is so smooth and slippery that
they cannot go climbing, they use other
means. They make a hoop of wild
vines, and putting their feet inside they
use it as a support in climbing. The
negro of the West Coast of Africa makes
a larger hoop around the trees, and gets
inside of it and jerks it up the trunk
with his hands, a little at a time, draw
ing his legs up after it. The Tahitian
boys tie their feet together, four or five
inches apart, with a piece of palm bark,
and with the aid of this fetter go up
the cocoa palms to gather nuts. The
native women in Australia climb the
gum trees after opossums. Where the
bark is rough they chop holes with a
hatchet ; then one throws about the
tree a rope twist as long as will go
round it, puts her hatchet on her crop
ped head, and placing her feet against
the tree and grasping the rope with her
hands, she hitches it up by jerks, and
pulls herself up the enormous trunk al
most as fast as a man will climb a lad
der. NO " BACKBONE."
The last wonderful story comes from
across the water, and tells of an Irish
woman who lost her bones .' The vic
tim, forty -five years old, was a patient
in an insane asylum. For five years
she was confined to her bed, complain
ing of no pain, but gradually becoming
weaker, while dwindling in stature un
til she lost half her height. As the
disease progressed, her limbs were
coiled up in every possible shape, the
bones becoming extremely light, soft,
fragile, and atrophied in every respect.
At death, all that was left of her skele
ton, including the skull, weighed two
pounds and a half. The number of
fractures was prodigious. The ribs
were in a hundred fragments. Had she
lived a little longer, it was thought that
not a vestige of a bone would have been
left in her body. What ailed her no one
could tell, the disease being almost un
heard of and difficult to diagnose, treat,
or even name.
RIDING DOWN BROADWAY
Donn Piatt, writing to his paper, the
Capital (.Washington), relates the fol
lowing. The reader, of course, need
not be informed that omnibuses are
called stages in New York :
Of late the stage companies, to escape
the well-known robbery of drivers, have
put the patent box in each stage. The
drivers give change but are not permit
ted to take the fare. We were seated,
when a stout gentleman entered and
crowded into a corner near the door, for
the stage was crowded. The new-comer
took from his vest pocket a ragged note
and passed it along the line. The man
nearest the box was a meek-eyed crea
ture in the single-breasted coat upon
which females are so fond of casting
their burdens, and sometimes them
selves, for he was evidently a
clergyman. This hnmble follower of
of the Lord lifted the note and dropped
it in the box.
" Halloo !" cried the indignant adi
pose near the door, "what'dyou do that
fur? It's a quarter."
" I'm very sorry, I'm sure," stam
mered the gospel expounder.
"Much good'll your sorrow do me,"
answered indignation, working nis way
to the hole through which the driver
conversed with the passengers. He
trod on several corns as he pulled the
strap. The stage came to a halt.
" I want my change," he shouted up
through the hole.
"What change," shouted down the
driver.
" I put a quarter in the box."
"More fool you."
" I want none of your impudence."
" What do you want then ?"
"I want my change."
"You can't fool me that way. How
do I know you put in a quarter ?" And
the driver started. The clergyman
sprang up and pulled the strap and
shouted :
"I put the quarter in, my good man;
it is all correct."
" Two of you," retorted the driver,
driving on. Both adipose and piety
hung to the strap.
"Blast your or'nary souls," roared
the driver, "do you want to pull my leg
off? Ef you tech that strap again I'll
come down and bay-window yer coun
tenances." Again the stage rolled on.
"Permit me, sir," said the clergy
man, pulling out a very thin pocket
book that looked as if it had gone into
a decline, a decline to pay anything
and presenting fifteen cents.
" I don't want your money," was the
gruff response ; " I want my own, and
I'm going to have it," and he seized the
stray at the moment the hook-nosed old
lady, who resembled a hawk in delicate
health, seized it. The feminine hook
nose wanted to get out. The driver
made no response. In an instant the
fat man, the clergyman, and old lady
were swinging on the strap. The strap
suddenly gave way, as if it or the
driver's leg were broken, and the three,
tumbling over each other, fell to the
bottom, amid roars of laughter from all
of us. The stage came to a halt, and
we heard the driver shout, " P'lice !
p"lice ! " loud as he could bawl. A po
liceman responding, the driver informed
him that there was " a riot" going on
among the " lunatics " inside his stage,
and " he'd better settle 'em before we
had another car-hook murder." The
policeman opened the door. The bel
ligerents had subsided, save the old
lady, who, attempting to get out, was
promptly arrested. The fat man ex
plained the case.
"How is this, driver?" asked the
policeman. " This man says he put a
quarter in your box and you won't give
him his change.
" No ; I'd think not," was the dry re
sponse ; " the way for nim to do is to
file an affidavy with the Surrogate.
It'll only cost him a dollar."
There is but one course for a police
man to pursue, and that is to arrest
somebody. 11 he cannot arrest any one,
he puts on a dignified air and marches
away. In this case the conservator of
the peace compromised. He arrested
the old hook-nosed female party the
only innocent actor among us and held
her in durance as far as the sidewalk,
and we rolled on.
M. Qilsos, writing in the St. Peters
burg Gazette upon the subject of pre
cious stones, states that, owing to the
plentiful supply of diamonds from
South Africa, these much-prized gems
are at a lower price than they have been
for ten years. Pearls and emeralds are,
however, at a premium. An opal about
the size of an olive would bring about
1,200 roubles ; a sapphire about 1,800
roubles; an emerald, 10,000; a dia
mond, 18,000 ; a ruby, 50,000. Pearls
come from Central America, California
and Persia, but none rival those of the
East Indies.
Signs of the Times. Away up in the
northern section of the city there is a
sign posted of which the following is a
literal copy :
"socks a stockings knitten
Ripareing Neadly Done. Also PcU.icu.lar At
tention Promptly Attended-to Order."
In another part of the city we find a
chance for a bargain thus announced :
" Fur, Sail, Dis, Hans x Lat ; bai
Franz Scheid an Cepuus St."
Detroit Tribune.
Sensible. " I would be glad to see
more parents understand that when
they spend money judiciously to im
prove and beautify the house and
grounds about it, they are paying their
children a premium to stay at home as
much as possible to enjoy it; but when
they spend money unnecessarily on fine
clothes and jewelry for their children,
they aie paying them a premium to
spend their time from home that is,
in those places where they can attract
the most attention and make the most
display."
SING MORE.
Cultivate singing in the family. Be
gin when the child is not yet three years
old. The songs and hymns your mother
sane, bring them all back to your mem
ory, and teach them to your little ones ;
the hymn and the ballad ; funny and
devotional ; mix them together, to meet
the similar moods, as in after life he
come over us so mysteriously some
times. Many a time and oft, in Broad
way and Wall street, in the very whirl
of business ; in the sunshine and gayety
of Fifth avenue, and amid the splendor
of the drives in the Central Park, some
little thing wakes up the memories of
early youth the old mill, the cool
spring, the shady tree by the little
schcol-house and the next instant we
almost see again the ruddy cheeks, the
smiling faces and the merry eyes of
schoolmates, some gray headed now ;
most "lie moldering in the grave."
And anon, " the song my mother sang "
springs unbidden to the iips, and sweet
ens and soothes these memories.
At other times, amid the crushing
mishaps of business, a merry ditty of
the olden time pops up its little head,
breaks in upon the ugly train of
thought, throws the mind into another
channel ; light breaks in from behind
the cloud in the sky, and a new cour
age is given to us. The honest man
goes singing to his work ; and when the
day's labor is ended, his tools laid aside,
and he is on his way home, wnere wife
and child, and tidy table and cheery
fireside await him, he cannot help but
whistle and sing.
The burglar never sings. Moody
silence, not merry song, weighs down
the dishonest tradesman, the perfidious
clerk, the unfaithful servant, the per
jured partner.
A R USSIAN MILLIONAIRE.
European gossips are discussing the
fabulous wealth of a recently-risen
millionaire a Russian Baron who has
made an enormous sum of monev in
Russian railroads. This gorgeous per
son is said to possess an annual income
of 15,000,000 francs, and ie consequent
ly comfortably removed beyond the
vulgar necessity of hurrying down to
the store or office on a cold winter's
morning without breakfast or gloves
He carries in his train thirty servants,
sixty musicians, sixteen Russian and
Swedish singers, and an army of cooks
and confectioners. He has an Oriental
palace in every city of any size in
Europe. Passing through the small
Swiss canton of Tessin, he was struck
by the exquisite beauty of the scenery,
and, jabbing his gold-headed cane into
the ground in a certain spot, ordered
his servants to build him a palace
there. Great millionaires like Monte
Cristo do not trouble themselves with
details, so the palace is going up rapid
ly. The novelty of such a thing must
have passed away. The Baron feels
himself compelled every two years to
clean out his household, by abandoning
his residence, ordering a new set of
servants, and wiping out all his ac
quaintances, to supply their places with
new ones. The poor man is miserably
off after all. He is harassed with the
belief that somebody is aiming to cir
cumvent him and absorb his wealth,
and consequently is less happy than the
ill-paid employe who knows certainly
that similar designs are entertained by
his creditors. He has more to lose.
KICKED OUT.
Percy Smith and Ed Murphy occu
pied a small cabin in Radusbury, Mon
tana, and slept in different beds ; Per
cy's bed was so situated that he could
get into either side that is to say, it
was placed in the center of the cabin,
which Percy found very convenient on
certain occasions. One night Percy
and Ed had been in Captain Sparris
trom's saloon, and on returning, which
they did at early morning, both were
considerably elevated. However, they
walked up to the cabin with an air
which seemed to say, Not so very darn
ed drunk, after all, and sought long
and patiently for matches and candle.
After knocking the pitcher off the table,
and smashing some cups, they finally
gave up the search, and went to bed
yes, yes, that is the word, but, owing to
the darkness and the confusion of their
senses, they made a slight mistake. In
short, Percy's bed had the honor of re
ceiving the two friends, Ed getting in
on one side, and his companion on the
other.
" I say, Percy," cried Ed, touching
somebody's calf, " there is a fellow in
my bed."
" Wonderful coincidence," exclaimed
Percy, feeling a strange elbow in the
region of his ribs ; " there is somebody
in my bed, too."
" Is there, though?" said Ed ; " let's
kick them out."
" Agreed," said Percy.
And accordingly the friends began to
kick. In about a minute Ed was sprawl
ing on the floor, and Percy was left in
possession of the bed. For a moment
after the fall all was silent.
"I say, Ed," cried Percy.
" What ?" said Ed, sulkily.
' I have kicked my fellow out."
" You are luckier than I am, then,"
said Ed, " for mine has kicked me clean
on the floor."
A sixth sense appears to have been
discovered by Dr. C rum-Brown the
sense of rotation. This distinguished
physician thinks that we possess suoh a
sense distinct from all other senses,
whereby we are enabled to determine
the axis about which the head is rotated
aad the direction and rate of the rota
tion. He has made a number of ex
periments as to the existence of this
supposed sense, by causing a blind-fold
person to be slowly revolved upon a
smoothly rotating table.
The smoke of a match will bleach
fruit stains off your hands.
Jiivivi, I'KAfJTlVE IN WASHOE.
Yesterday afternoon, at a saloon on
the Divide, some men were discussing
the shooting affray which occured dur
.ing the morning between the two
brothers-in-law, Fallman, and Ward, as
mentioned in another column. It was
agreed by all hands that it was shock
ing bad shooting a discredit to
Washoe. At last a I'ioche man ban
tered a Comstock man, whom he knew
to be a good shot with a pistol, to g
out in the back yard with him and de
some shooting, just to show the boys
how it should be done. In the saloon
was a box of eggs, and what the Piocher
proposed was that each should shoot two
eggs off the bare head of the other at
the distance of ten paces, the one miss
ing to treat the crowd. The Comstocker
was bound not to be bluffed by a man
from the other end of the State, so to
the back yard all hands adjourned.
Each man used his own six-shooter.
The Comstocker first "busted" his egg
on the top of the Piocher's head, which
exploit was loudly applauded by aH
present. It was then the Piocher's
turn to shoot, and an egg was produced
to be placed upon the head of the Com
stocker, but when he removed his hat
there was a great laugh, for the top of
his head was as smooth as a billiard
ball. For full ten minutes all hands
tried in vain to make an egg stand on
his head. It couldn't be done. The
Piocher then taunted the Comstocker
with having gone into the arrangement
knowing that he was safe. The hitter
told him to set up his egg and it was all
right he was there. The Piocher went
into the saloon and a moment after
came out with a small handful of flour,
which he dabbed upon the bald head of
the Comstocker and then triumphantly
planted in it his egg, fell back ten steps
and then Knocked it off. The Com
stocker then told him to set up his sec
ond egg aud shoot at it, as he didn't
want to have his head chalked twice
during the game. This was done, and
the wreck of a second egg streamed
oVer the Comstocker's pate. The
Piocher now stood out with his last egg
on his head. The Comstocker raised
his pistol and fired. The Piochor
bounded a yard into the air and the egg
bounced whole from his head. "I've
lost I" said the Comstocker. " Let all
come up and drink. By a slip I've put
half the width of my bullet through the
top of his left ear !" and so it proved
upon measurement. Virginia Enter
prise. SPIRIT PHOTOGRAPHS.
Among the wonders of spiritual phe
nomena is the ability to produce photo
graphs of departed spirits. The fash
ionable style of their works of art is to
have a distinct photograph of the sitter,
and an indistinct presentation of some
departed guardian angel by the side.
Quite recently a Chicago photographer,
just for the fun of the thing, produced
a few of these spirit pictures. They
were readily received as genuine pho
tographs of ghosts, and for awhile he
did a lively business. Finding, how
ever, that he was making an unfortunate
change in his customers, he stopped
practicing this branch of his art and
published the following : " The writer
had his attention called some time since,
to certain phenomena called ' spiritual
manifestations,' and having frequently
seen sample of what purported to be
spirit photographs, he conceived the
idea of making a few samples, to see if
the ghosts would be recognised as de
parted friends of the sitters. The mo
dus operandi of the production is as
follows : Have a positive transparency
at hand, and, after the sensitized plate
has been exposed to the sitter, in the
camera, remove to the dark closet, and
print the ghost on it by holding the
positive transparency between the plate
and a gas jet or lamp (not a ' spirit '
lamp), then develop the plate in the
usual way, and the picture of the sitter
will come out strong with a shadowy
ghost or spirit in the background."
SUMMARY JUSTICE.
If women go on progressing as rapid
ly as they have progressed during the
last twenty years, it will be sheer sar
casm to dub them the " weaker sex." So
thinks an unhappy Western man, who
married a widow for her money, and on
the wedding night possessed himself of
the treasure and struck out. Unluckily
for him his wife's daughter, an active
girl of twenty, observed the theft and
departure. Giving chase, she overtook
her papa, threw him down, tied him to
a tree and corrected him with a hickory
stick. Presently the bride appeared
and joined her daughter in the castiga
tion. The piteous cries of the unhappy
groom soon reached the ears of the
police, who hurried to the spot. Tied
to the roots of the tree was the husband
of only a few hours' creation ; the step
daughter, stick in hand, was still ad
ministering punishment, while the bride
used both hands to good purpose while
she clamored for her money. The case
was compromised by the return of the
cash, but the honeymoon was over.
As Bob Bascom, a negro murderer,
stood upon a gallows at Bolivar, Ten
nessee, the other day, he said, " Don't
let the devil work with you. H I had
worked for God as I have; worked for
the devil, I would not be here in this
fix to-dav. That is all I have to say."
And what more, we may ask, did the
great Wolsey say, as he approached the
end that awaited him ?
Hid I but served my God with half the seal
I served my king, He would not in mine age
Have left me naked to mine enemies."
The dramatist and the historian have
united in handing down to posterity
this exclamation of the fallen cardinal,
but the same moral truth uttered in
homely garb by the doomed murderer
dies with him. The sentiment is the
same ; the difference in expression is
the difference between a cardinal and a
culprit, a poet and a penny-a-liner.
ABILITY OF FA It ME US TO HOLD
THEIR WHEAT.
Those Eastern papers which have
wisely refrained from attacking our
estimates and calculations on the wheat
crop base their expectation of low
prices upon a presumption that farmers
are obliged to sell their wheat whether
the price is remunerative or not. They
are sadly mistaken here. For the sake
of brevity we will catalogue our reasons
for believing the farmers of the North
west able to hold their wheat :
1. Farmer. , - - of late years had
good crops and good pricas, and are
better off than they ever were before.
2. Farmers were never before so little
in debt. They have been economizing
for a year or more, as the experience of
New York merchants in all trades will
testify. The best work of the
grange
has been to teach them to
without,
and to keep clear of debt.
3. Farmers ore now realizing a. re
markably good price on all the coarse
grains. Wnat dents they have they
can way.
4. Farmers have learned also from
the grange movement the power of as
sociation. They will stand together.
The rich farmer will help the poor
farmer to hold his grain for a paying,
price. As we lately stated, it is com
mon in country banks just now for ac
counts from rich farmers to be trans
ferred to poor farmers to enable them
to pay their store bills and to hold their
wheat. So what debts they have they
are paying, and wili pay without using
their wheat.
5. Farmers, as a matter of fact, are
paying their debts about as freely as
usual. Reports to the contrary are
false. Country merchants who have
obtained full stocks of goods for which
they find little demand, are unjustly
throwing the blame on the farmers..
The farmer is not to blame for not buy
ing what he does not want or what he
cannot pay for.
6. Farmers, as a matter of fact, are
amply able to carry over the whole crop
of 1874 for a year, or for more than a
year. During the past spring and sum
mer they have disposed cf about 2,500, -000
bushels of corn the bulk of three
years' crops at about 50 cents at the
crib. They are, therefore, rich. Fur
thermore, it stands to reason that a
community which was able to carry
over 1,100,000,000 bushels of corn from
1871, and 1,000,000,000 from 1872, to
sell at an advance of over 300 per cent,
in 1874, is able enough to carry 400,
000,000 bushels of wheat one yea
In view of these considerations we
are satisfied that the only way is for the
few powerful speculators who have
tackled the wheat market on the wrong
side to throw up their game. The cards
are too strong for them, and the farmers
hold the cards. Milwaukee Journal of
Commerce.
THE JOURNALISTIC SMALL BOY.
Some juvenile journalists in San
Francisco, emulating the examples of
their older brethren, have varied the
monotony of their amateur sheets by
offensive personalities which have re
sulted in a libel suit. The editor who
caused the arrests of his rivals was only
fourteen years of age. He wa. at one
time associated with them in the publi
cation of the JPac'ftc Youth, but break
ing with them, started a new Pacific
Youth at a low rate, the older journal
being conducted by a chubby child of
twelve. His former associates retali
ated by publishing two vindictive
sheets called the Growler and the I 'in
dicator, in which the character of their
rival was most savagely assailed. Not
content with this, one of their piyrmie
ons attacked him in the rooms of the
Pacific Coast Amateur Press Associa
tion, of which he was President. The
following extract from the alleged libel
gives a good idea of the success with
which the juvenile amateur imitated
the style of some of his professional
brethren : " Were the room at our dis
posal, we could give accounts of theft,
lying, misrepresentation, cowardice, and
blackmail schemes of this foul-mouthed
slanderer. But it is not his reputation
which is at stake ; the only reputation
he has is that of a liar, thief, and cow
ard. His reputation he earned at
school, and he has carried it from the
desk and school-yard to the office and
into Bociety. And the haflred for him
by all who have ever associated with
him is great and unexceptionable." On
the case being brought into court, it
was attempted to be shown by the coun
sel for the defense that the offensive
words were to be considered in a Pick
wickian sense. He thought the boys
should be spanked and allowed to go,,
as they belonged to good families and
had promised to discontinue their jour
nalistic excesses, but Jhe opposing
counsel urged that it would not be fair
to allow them to go free because they
did not happen to be hoodlums. The
court decided that there was clearly a
libel, and held the boys for trial, so
that these amenities of juvenile jour
nalism will result in litigation, which
will, we trust, be an expensive warning,
to other amateur editors not to imitate
the bad qualities of their professional
brethren.
The Chicago Ledger -is one of the
cheapest papers published (the other
one being the Literary Reporter, of
course) in the country. Mr. Bonner
will have to look oat or his Chicago
namesake will "cut his corners" won
derfully. See how cheap it is in our
kst. Same size as the "other Ledger"
and Reporter. Michigan Literary Re
porter, t
The Vermont ScpremeXJourt has de
cided that a citizen cannot refuse to
testify for whom he voted.
If all good came to us in this world,,
who would care for heaven?