L P Fisher
ALBANY, OREGOif,)rtjHE 90, 1873.
VOLUME V.
NO. 42.
4'urlilnK the Temper.
A Danbury man named Reuliens
recently saw a statement that count
ing one hundred, when tempted to
speak angrily, would save a man a
great deal uF troub e. I his state
tnent sounded a little smirular at
first; but the more he read it (Tver
the more favorably he became im
pressed with filially coiiclud in!? to
adopt it. Next door to Reubens
lives a man who has made five dis
tinct attempts in the past fortnight
to secure a dinner of green peas by
the first of July, and each time has
been retarded by Reubens' liens.
The next morning after Reubens
made his resolution this man found
his fifth attempt to have been mis
carried. Then he called on lieu
bens. He said :
"What in thunder do you mean
by letting your hens tear up my
garden?"
Reubens was tempted to call him
a mudsoot a new name, just com
ing into general use; but he rem em -bered
bis resolution, put down his
rage, and meekly observed :
"One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight "
Tben the mad neighbor, who had
ben eyeing this answer with a great
deal of suspicion, broke in again :
"Why dWt you answer my
question, you rascal?"
Hut still Reubens maintained
his equanimity and went on with
the test.
"Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thir
teen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen "
The mad neighbor stared harder
than ever.
"seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,
twenty, twenty-one"
"You are a mean skunk!" said
the mad neighbor, backing toward
the fence.
Reubens' face flushed at this
charge, but he only said
"Twenty-two, twenty-three, twen-
ty-tour, twenty-five, twenty-six
At this figure the neighbor got
up on trie fence in some haste; but,
suddenly thinking of his peas, be
opened his mouth :
"You mean, low-lired rascal! For
two cents I could knock your crack
ed head over a barn; and I would
"Twenty-seven, twenty-eight,"
interrupted I ieubeiiK "twenty-nine,
thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-
throe"
Here the neighbor broke for the
liouse. and, entering it, violently
slammed the door behind him. Rut
Reubens did not dare let up on the
enumeration; and so he stood out
there alone in his own yard and
kept on counting, while his burn
ing cheeks and flashing eyes elo
quently affirmed bis judgment
When be got up into the eighties
bis wife came to the door in some
alarm.
"Why, Reubens, man what is
the matter with you?" she said.
"Do come into the house."
But he didn't let up. Sbe came
out to him, and clung trembling to
him; but he only looked iuto her
eves and said:
"Ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-five,
ninety-six, ninety-seven,
iiinety-eight, ninety-nine, one hun
dred go into the house, old wo
man, or I'll bust ye!"
And she went
A newsmonger of a contemporary,
hard up for an item, perpetrates the
following: "David, King of Israel,
while sitting on a little balcony in
the rear of his palace, one lazy sum
mer day, just after dinner, smoking
his briarwood pipe, beheld Bersh
eba, the beautiful wife of Uriah,
the I littite, taking a bath. David
put on hia Sunday clothes, and
nought an introduction. From this
acquaintance arose a scandal, which
set all the gossip of Jerusalem
agog, and the affair afterwari too
David a great deal of aJpoJSaboe,
aud more than 1500 inash." -
The Use of Kitttleaankf.
It may not be general! known to
our readers that snake poison is use
ful for medicinal purposes in these
days and that, undi r the name
"Curtains II rridus," the poison of
the rattlesnake is utilized in ho
moeopathic pharmacy. Messrs.
Thomson and Capper, of Liver
pool, having recently imported
number of rattlesnakes, abstracted
the venom from the live animals
in the following ingenious manner;
I he reptiles were in separate com
partmeuts of a case, tatted with
double lid for extra security.
long staff, fitted with a thick Iudi
an rubber noose at one end, whicl
could be loosened or tightened by
the hand at pleasure, was inserted
through the partially opened lid
and the opportunity quickly seized
of slipping the loop over the snake
head, the loop being immediately
drawn tight by means of the core
attached thereto.
With a similar contrivance the
tal was next fastened, and the
snake being thus securely held, was
lifted out of the box to the floor
of
the room. A pickle bottle contaii
iug chloroform was then thrust over
the snake s head and caret uly held
in its place by keeping time with
the animal s efforts to extricate
itself. As the reptile became stu
pefied the noose was gradually re
laxed to enable the lungs to have
full play, aud when it appeared
powerless the snake was laid in
long narrow box made for the pur
pose, with an aperture at one end,
out of which its head projected
while the after operation was per
formed.
Its jaws were then opened and
nied, ana the poison glands were
pressed with forceps, then with the
gloved finger and thumb, while
small-Mown graduated phial was
held to receive the drops as they
oozed slowly out through the pois
on fangs. Twenty drops were the
average quantity yielded from each
snake, lhe venom is of a straw
color, thick and gummy in consist
ency, aud decidedly acid in its re
action on litmus paper. It is read
uy soluble in glycerine or water,
but is precipitated by strong at
cohol, the precipitate being redis
solved with the addition of a litt e
water. Its toxicologies! properties
were hilly tried on a variety of am
mats. Halt a drop produced death
on a linnet within three minutes
after being injected under Uie wings.
lhe symptoms produced in all
cases were very similar. Court
Journal.
BoiuNu Eccs. A story is told
ot a negro in Virginia whose mas
ter threatened to give him a flog
ging if be boiled his eggs hard
again. Next morning the egg
came to the table still harder than
before "You rascal," shouted the
enraged planter, "didn't I tell you to
cook those eggs soft?' "Yes,
massa," said the frightened slave,
"an' I got up at two o'clock dis
morniu , an' biled 'em five hours,
an' it seems to me I nebber kin get
dese eggs softer!" During the war
one of the Northern hotel keepers
was on a visit to Norfolk. The
eggs came to the table boild hard.
"Look here," said the hotel keep
er, "Sambo, tliese eggs are boiled
too hard. Now take my watch
and boil them some three minutes
by it" He gave the negro his
splendid gold watch. In about ti ve
minutes the frcedman returned
with the eggs and watch on the
same plate. The watch was wet
"What have you been doing to my
watch," asked the Northern visitor.
"Why it's all wet" "Yes sab,",
said the negro. "I biled the watch'
wid de eggs. All right dis time,
A Butnder. Wnit Reid
was a dozeu years ago editing the
Xenia (Ohio) News. Jl his "Traits
of Journalism," he tells the follow
ing: "One day we had an adver
tisement of that Cloumhus Com
mercial College, and the foreman
came to me and told me there must
be an editorial notice of it My
time was short. The forms were
waiting and I wrote: straightway,
'The Columbus Commercial Col
lege is an excellent and welldeserv
ing institution. ThesavertUement
appears in another column.' I sent
to the proof reader angrwent home.
I got up late the next day, aud the
edition had all been mailed before
I saw it. You can imagine the per
fectly amiable state of feeling when
I read, 1 The Columbus Commer
cial College is an excellent an hell
deserving institution.' You can't
belteve it, but to this day the bill
for that advertisement is running."
The word " quiz," to make fun
of, or poke fun at a person, was the
coinage of a theatrical managet in
Dublin, who, at a drinking party
with bis friends, when the conversa
tion turned upon the subject of
words, offered to bet the wine that
he co. ild then and there coin a word
which would be in the mouths of all
Dublin next das. The bet being
taken the party dispersed, the mana
ger called up his call-boys and run
ners, gave them pieces of chalk and
ordered them to run all over the
city, chalking the word "quiz'' on
every door, shutter and fence tbey
came to. Inn was done, and as a
matter of course the new word was
in every body's month the next day.
Had this manager been en Amen
can of today be would have been
one of our great and successful ad
verusers.
i. iiiiii" mi
Bad New for Bald-headed
Mkn. Dr. 5. M.Tonar,ofWash.
ington, a physician of large experi
ence and a close observer of nets,
says that according to his observa
tions nearly all persons of both
sexes who lived to the age of eighty
years and over retained a consider
able if not a complete suit of bair
at the time of their deaths. He
concedes that there are exceptions
to this rule, but insists that a large
majority ot persons living at the
age of eighty or upward retain a
comparatively good suit of hair, or
are not bald His hypothesis is
that a person who retains his hair
past the age of sixty-five has a good
prospect of living to be over eighty.
I he rule may be tested by any one
calling to mind the ages and condi
tion of the hair of persons ot his ac
quaintance of the ages indicated,
the condition of whose hair is known
to him. The vast majority of per
sons who become bald, or lose
their hair, do so between thirty-
five and forty-five, and these rarely
ive to be over sixty.five or seventy
years of age.
Commodore Vaiiderbilt has tack
ed on his half million gift to tile
Central University of the Method,
ist Church one or two conditions
that will not be personally unpleas
ant to the officials. First that Bish
op M'Tyerie accept the presidency
of the institution tor life, with a sal-
ary of $3000 and the use ot a dwell.
iug free of rent. Nxxmd, to check
imprudent appropriations, the pres
ident is given a veto power over
resolutions, which only a three-
fourth's tote of the board can over
ride. The interest only ot the fund
shall be used in carrying on the
university. At a meeting of the
Board of Trust held at Nashville,
enncssee, on the 28th ult, it was
ed to applv to the Chancery
Court to cliange the name of the
institution to Videroilt University.
When is charity like a bee? When it
begins to hum.
A bear in New Jersey has been
called on to take out a license; it is al
ways bruin.
Isn't it inconsistent to speak of the
"apple of your eye," when everybody
knows they're a paitt
Another Congressman from Ala
bama this time had handed over his
back pay to his wife.
The West is a great country. A
Minnesota farmer lost a gimlet three
years ago. The other day he cut down
a tree near his ham, and found in it a
three-quarter inch auger.
The latest verdict recorded was upon
a gentleman who expired in a tit of
inebriation. The jury returned:
"Death by hanging round a grog
shop." A New Hampshire farmer scouts
the Idea of taking a newspaper at two
whole dollars a year, and posts a
notice on the schoolhouse that "3
hoggs hcv strade or bin stooled" from
him.
"Calf's Head," remarked the waiter,
quite innocent of any equivocal intent,
but when asked what the cult said, he
very unreasonably took umbrage, and
declined further conversation.
A Seneca Fall man who died the
other day left a will saying: "To that
old liar and tattler, the 'widow Jonas, I
bequeath two cents." Didn't she hop,
though !
That was an unhappy editor who
wrote that "white pique costumes are
now popular" and was gravely inform
ed by the proof next morning that
"white pine coffins are not popular."
A serious charge has been brought
against a school teacher in Illinois,
the specifications ot which are: "1.
Immolralty! 2. Parsiiality! 3. Keep
ing dlsordly action 1 : 4. Carrying un
lane wepings!" The committeeman
who wrote the charge thinks of run
ning the school himself next quarter
"Now, Willie, dear," says Fanny,
do have a little courage: when I have
a powder to take, I don't like It any
more than yon do, but T make up my
mind that I will take It and 1 do."
"And when I have a powder to
take," replied Willie, "I make up my
mind mat l wort."
"Do you like chickens?" asked a re
markably modest Nashville youth of
bis sweetness, as he was walking
about two feet from her on his way to
church Sunday night. "Certainly I
do," she replied; "why do you ask
such a question as that? ' "Because I
thought if you liked chickens, you
woufd't object to taking a wing," and
he crooked his arm in an irresistible
manner. Sweetness took a wing.
The Detroit Free Press says: "A
fanner went out of a store in that city
the other day leaving his dog behind,
and the clerks got an oyster can and a
string and thought they would have a
little fun. The dog smelt snuff, and
after taking a mutton chop out of one
young man's leg, went through a ten
dollar ne of glass with extraordinary
facility. The clerks figure: 'Four
clerks into ten dollars' w orth of glass
twenty shillings each. '
A French gentleman, learning Eng
lish to some purpose, replied thus to
the salutations :
"How do you do, monsieur?"
"Do vat?'T
"How do you find yourself?"
"I never loses myself.
"How do you feel?"
"Smooth ; you just feel me."
"Good morning, monsieur?"
"Good! No. it's a bad one; it's vet
and nasty."
"Mr. Speaker," exclaimed a mem
bet of the Arkansas Legislature, "my
colleague taunts me with a desire for
nine. I scorn rne imputation, sir.
Fame, sir! What is fame? It is a shaved
pig with a greased tail, which snns
through lhe hands of thousands, and
then is accidentally caught by some
lucky fellow that happens to hold on
to it. 1 let this greased-tailed quad
ruped go by me without an effort to
clutch it sir!" .
A few days since the grand jury
ignored a hill against a negro for steal
ing chickens. Before discharging him
from custody, the judge bade him
stand up and, after a severe reprimand,
concluded as follows:
"You may go now, John: but (shak
ing his finger at him) let me warn you
never to appear here again."
John, with delight beaming from
his big white eyes, and a broad grin
displaying a row of ivory, replied :
"I wouldn't bin here dis time, judge,
only de constable fetch me!"
A girl in Iowa, without legs, has
married a man without arms, and
the local papers say they get along
,ii x"t .", i in
THE BENDKB FAMILY.
From Assistant City Marshal
Newborn, who has just returned
from a long but fruitless search
after the Benders, in Texas, says
the Fort Scott (Kansas) Monitor,
of May 20th, we obtain the follow
ing description ot the personnel of
the different members of that very
agreeable and amiable family, the
first full and authentic description
yet published:
The old man, John Bender, or
"old man Bender," as he was called,
is liftyti ve to sixty years old, about
five feet, seven inches in height, rath
er round-shouldered, with very dark
complexion, aud very heavy beard
cut rather short; hair long and dark,
mixed with gray, and very heavy
eye-lashes; nose sharp and very long;
hands very spare, with cords upon
the backs prominent; gait slow and
sluggish seemed rather to stalk
around than walk; weight 140 to
150 pounds. He had a sleepy,
downcast look, and was grim and
surly in his deportment His cheeks
are sunken and rather long. He
speaks English in a very broken
manner, his native tongue being
the Low Dutch. His voice seems
to come rather from his chest than
his mouth. He is slightly bald,
and is careless and slovenly in his
dress.
The old woman, Mrs. Bender, is
aged about fifty years, and is very
nearly as tall as the old roan; broad
shouldered and rather flat-made.
and long-waisted; skin dark and
tawny; face wrinkled and rather
pointed, with firm mouth; neck slim
and coidy; hair, dark brown. She
has a quick, nervous walk, aud
sets her whole weight down when
she steps. Sbe speaks sharp, quick
and broken.
The young man who went by the
name of John Bender, was a large,
strongly built man, with full, round
face, large eyes, large nostrils; swar
thy, leather-like complexion, light
brown hair, and rather heavy jaws.
Height, five feet seven inches. He
was very large and square in the
shoulders, full-breasted, and heavy
bodied, was inclined to ran his boots
over on the outside. He has a
wild, scary expression, but looks
square m the tace when talking,
and is generally smiling when in
conversation. He shows his teeth,
which are large, when laughing,
and has a habit of drawing down
the corners of his mouth. There
is a scar across two of his fingers of
one hand, and one finger is stiffened.
His eyes are dark grey. His age is
about twenty-eight years.
Katie Hender, the "she devil"
of this gang of funds, was aged
twenty-one or twenty-two years.
Her complexion is yellow. She
had very high cheek bones, very
sharp chin, and the contour of her
countenance is said to resemble that
of a wolf. The girls used to say
she had a "wolfish face." Her hair
was a light brown, with a tinge
of red. She is somewhat round or
stoop-shouldered, rather hollow-
breasted. She is rather slender
built ; and has a long, slim waist.
Her ears have been pierced for ear
drops, but she wore none. Her
eyes are dark grey. Her nose is
somewhat Hat, with large nostrils.
She is quick and rapid in her speech.
Her weight is 110 pounds.
The name ot "John Gerbardt"
and "Johamiah Bender," found
registered in a Bible in the house,
has given rise to the suspicion that
these were in reality the names ot
the young people; that their rela
tionship as brother aud sister was
purely an invention, and that they
were living together in adultery.
Altogether the family seems to have
been about as disagreeable a o. e
as con Id well be imagined.
-, 1 1 i, i
Indian tale oh 4th, 5th and 8th