I P Fisher
VOLUME V.
ALBANY, OREGON, APRIL 26, 1873.
NO. 34.
The Partiou's Trotter.
Parson Brackett had been settled
over the first parish of' Rustfield for
several years, and a staid, solemn
and temperate man, verging to
ward the frosts of three-score and
ten. He was a kind-hearted friend,
a faithful counsellor, and a very ac
ceptable preacher. Once upon a
time the parson's horse died, and he
must purchase another. His salary
was small, and he could not spare
many dollars fo anything luxurious
in the way of horseflesh. His neigh
bor Richards had a horse in pasture
which he thought would answer
the parson's purpose. S.id horse
had been sent up from Portland by
Habcock,iuthespring, with instruc
tions to the fanner that if he lived
to be worth selling, he might be
sold tor what he would bring.
The animal had come upon the
farm with spavin and heaves, and
to all appearances essentially used
up, and, more than this, he was
quite old, and blind of'an eye.
Hut by the coming of autumn
the old horse had picked up won
derfully and, Richards believed,
would answer the parsou's purpose
as well as a better. Richards
wrote to Babcock, stating the case,
and George wrote back that the
parson might have the animal for
just what he was willing to pay,
and so 1 'arson Brackett became
the owner of the horse.
Now there was a bit of history
connected with that horse which
had not been communicated to the
farmer, ami which was not known
in Rust field. The animal had been
in his day, a noted trotter, and tor
ten years, at least, he had been one
of the bright particular stars at
Cambridge, h?.vi-v; heen pitted
both against "Mac" and "Lady
Suffolk;" and it had been a remem
brance of this brilliant career which
bad led the former owner to secure
a good home for the beast in his
old age.
On a bright, bracing Sabbath
morning in ( )ctober, Parson Brackett
set forth from his home to preach
in Dixford. The distance was
twelve miles, and he was thankful,
as he rode onward, that he had so
good a horse, for the animal crept
over the ground at a grand rate,
considering his age and the price
which had been paid for him.
Upon the outskirts of the town
of Dixford the road struck a level
plain of intervale, reaching thus for
fuil two miles to the village, and
just as the parson reached this
point, two young bloods, with fast
horses and sulkies, came up behind
him, shouting in the heat of a race,
and attempted to drive past him.
The old racer studied the battle in
a moment, lie gave a prolonged
snort then shook his head then
reared aloft and when he came
down he closed his teeth against
the bit and shot oft' like a cannon
ball. The parson was a man of
nerve and courage, but he knew
nothing about race-horses. He did
just the thing which he should not
have done. He drew up the reins
with all his might, and halloed:
"Whoa! Whoa!"' as loudly as he
could.
Away went the old racer, at a
t rot square and honest, but fearfully
rapid, and behind came the youth
ful bloods, whippiii$their horses to
a gallop; and the welkin rang with
the noise the parson thundering
bis "whoa! whoa r while the pur
suers whooped and hurrahed,
The noise readied the village,
and the people were out to behold
the cause; and ere long Parson
Rrackett came Hying in behind his
trotter,ileading the running horses
by several rods, and when the par
son reined up at the publio bouse
the old horse came to a stop as or
derly and quietly as if nothing had
happened out of the way.
At first the good people of Dix
ford were so shocked that they were
tempted not to allow Parson
Brackett to preach to them; but be
fore the time for the service arrived
he had so explained matters that
the weight o' blame was lifted from
his shoulders. He preached on that
Sabbath, and on the following day
he sold his trotter at a big advance
on the price he had paid for him.
A REMARKABLE DESK.
An Omaha paper gives the fol
lowing description of a magnificent
desk, made by a man in Montana
as a gift to President Giant :
Yesterday afternoon there arriv
ed in this city, by the Union Pacific,
a magnificent piece of handiwork
in the shape of a desk, which was
being taken on to Washington as a
gift to Gen. Grant from the build
er, hredenck fc. Schultze, of Bore-
man, 100 miles from Helena, in
Montana Territory. It was shipped
in four sections, or boxes, and a de
scription of it, obtained from one
who knew all about it, is well
worth producing for the perusal of
our readers. It was moulded after
rock at Wind river, and i (bur sto
ries in height. In the first story
there is a book-stand on each side,
and it. the centre there is a place for
a seat. The second story is a sec
retary, and is composed of three
revolving cylinders, which, upon
mearely touchiug a spring, can
be turned around bringing into
view six drawers, a mirror, ink
stand, pigeon-holes, &c A libra
ry tor fine books composes the third
story, while the fourth is an arch
which can be revolved so as to show
either side. The desk, when
placed into position, is 11 feet high.
N ine hundred ieet ui'ccdar and 200
feet of pine were used in itsconstruc
tion, and it consists of '4,109 dif
ferent pieces, aud not a nail or screw
can be found in it, none having
been used. The weight is 2,300
pounds. The ornamental work is
of the most ingenious design, being
inlaid, and of' the finest polish.
Two years were consumed by Mr.
Schultze, assisted by his son Fritz,
in building this remarkable piece of
furniture. It was all done by hand,
there being no machinery in Bore
man, which is a place of only about
three hundred inhabitants.
Prof. Hayden, who, when he was
West saw the desk, says that
it is one of the finest pieces of work
manship in the world, aid he is
lending some assistance to Mr.
Schultze in bringing it to Wash
ington. An influential man named
Beck has already gone to Wash
ington to make preparations for the
reception of the desk upou its arri
val there.
This is a strange country. The
obstinacy with which it refuses to
become bankrupt is a striking illus
tration of the unreasonableness of
the Angelo-Saxon race. Here we
have been going down hill at brake
neck sjteed with all the breaks off
for twelve yean during which time
the most ti arfttTand destructive war
of modem times has raged within,
our nation is richer now than it was
hi 1800. In 1850 our aggregate
wealth was7,00gBO0,00O,in 1800
it was MOOOmOOO, in 1870 it
was SM.000.000.000. Our Demo
cratic brethren tell us things would
have gone differently if their party
nau remained m power 6f. Lotus
Democrat.
Tlie Mormon conference was in full
blast on the 7th. The attendance was
large, lirighain Young delivered
long discourse, the main point being
against tlie Gentile sectarian schools
being Introduced from Babylon. Urged
motliers to educate their own children
and not allow outsiders to interfere
with the kingdom. He denounced
their growing disinclination to pay
tithing, as imperilling the salvation of
the people. . . 1
A Pirof KperUwIea.
The late General B going post
haste to Ireland on some extraordi
nary business which would not
permit the incumbrance of a retinue,
stopped to dine at the inn on
the Chester road, and ordered a
pair of ducks which he saw ready
at the kitchen fire, up to his table.
lhe tienerars desire had just
been complied with when some
country chaps came in, hungry as
hawks, after the morning sport.
They eagerly inquired what could
be had to eat. Like a true Bon
niface,the landlord enumerated what
he had not, to apologize for what
he had, and, among others things,
mentioned the ducks which had
been only a moment before served
up tor the Irish gentleman's dim er
"Irish jolitleman?" glibbingjy
exclaimed one of tlie group. "I'll
lay titty to five that he doirt know
B from a bull s foot. Here, waiter,
take my watch up to the jontleman,
presenting my compliments, and
request him to tell me what o'clock,
it is."
The General heard the message,
took the watch, and with great
temper returned his respeciS, with
the assurance that as soon as he
had dined he would endeavor to
satisfy their inquiry.
The jesters chuckled at the em
barrassment which they imagined
the iguoraut Irishman Was led into:
sat down to regale themselves on
whatever they could get ; but their
jolity was presently distnrbed by
the entrance of a military figure,
who, with the politeness which is
the peculiar characteristic of the
army, advanced toward tlie tab'e
where they were seated and present
ed the watch. -
"Gentleman," said he, "I wish to
know its owner, as, from a message
sent to me a little while ago, I pre
sume he is short-sighted, and I have
brought him a pair of spectacles,"
pointing to a pair of pistols under
his arm, "to remedy the defect."
Tlie joke was gone the jesters
were silent. The General delibe
rately put the watch in his fob,
with a declaration that secured it
to him forever :
"Gentleman, I am sorry for in
truding, as I find the owner is not
among you; whenever he claims
it he shall have it, tint never without
a trial of tue sjie fades."
At Rathdowney, in Ireland, the
other day, one Kdward Dowling
proclaimed that, being too good for
this world, he would be translated
at a certain hour from the public
square of the town. Two thousand
people got together to see Mr.
1 fowling go up. I le then told them
that the fiery chariot would soon
arrive to carry him off, but unfbrtu
nately the vehicle didn't come. He
waited and waited, and at last was
compelled to announce that the
ascension was indefinitely postponed.
In all other respects the miracle
was a perfect success.
A man who snores was de
scribed by his friend, the other
day, as follows: "Snores ? Oh no,
I guess not no name for it!
When you wake up in the morning,
ami find that the house you lodge
iu has been removed half a mile
during the night by the respiratory
vehemence of a fellow-lodger, you
may get some idea of that fellow's
performance. His landlady gets her
house moved back by turning his
bed around."
Always avoid the company in
which you are willing to tell a
coarse jest, because for you it is a
doraoialieiug company. Grossness
is never humorous, profanity is never
admirable; and if your manner and
speech once begin to ravel out on
that edge, all its manliness and
charm are in danger.
The Best Htimalnat.
There are times when the pulse
lies low in the bosom, and beats low
in the veins; when the spirit sleeps
the sleep which, apparently, knows
no waking, in its house of clay, and
the window-shutters are closed, and
the door is hung with the invisible
crape of melancholy ; when we wish
the golden sunshine pitchy darkness,
and are very willing to fancy clouds
were no clouds be. What shall
make the heart beat music again,
and the pulses dance to it through
all the myriad-thronged halls in our
house of life? What shall make
the sun kiss the eastern hills again
for us, with all his old awakening
gladness, and the uight overflow
with " moonlight, music, love, and
flowers ?'
Love itself is the stimulant, the
most intoxicating of all, and per-
torms all ttiese miracles ; but t is a
miracle itself, and is not at the
drug-store, whatever they say. The
counterfeit is iu the market, but
the winged god is not a money
changer, we assure you.
Lrjtoth ok Days. The days
of summer grow longer as we go
northward, and the days of winter
shorter.
At Hamburgh the longest day
has seventeen hours and shortest
seven.
At Stockholm , the longest has
eighteen and a half hours and the
shortest five and a half.
At St. Petersburg the longest
has nineteen and a half hours and
the shortest five hours.
At Fin'aud the longest hastwenty
one hours and a half aud the short
est two aud a half.
At Wandorbus, in Norway, the
day lasts from tlie 21st of May
to the 2d of July the sun not get
ting below the horizon tor the whole
time, but skimming aloug very
close to it in' the north.
At Spitsbergen the longest day
lasts three months.
Crr This Oitt. A tea made
of chestnut leaves, and drank iu the
place of water, is said to cure the
most obstinate case of dropsy.
Atea made of ripe or dried whortle
berries, and drank in the placeof wa
ter is a sure and speedy cure tor a
scrofulous difficulty however bad.
A tea made of peach-leaves is a sure
cure for a kidney difficulty.
Ham Tost.-When a ham is ready
tor the table, take off as much of it
as you require, and mince it up very
linley. To one pint of mince, put two
tables)oonfuls of cream, or fresh,
rich milk. Roil it five minutes; pre
pare well-buttered slices of toastaud
spread tlie mince on them. Strew
over this well-grated breadcrums,
a little parsley, and some small
pieces of bolter. Brown iu a quick
oven, and serve hot
To MakbCoooaxi-t Candy.
Hasp very fine a sound, fresh cocoa
nut, spread it on a dish and let it
dry naturally tor three days. Four
ounces will be sufficient tor a pound
of sugar for most tastes, but more
can lie used at pleasure. Boil tlie
sugar, and when it begins to be very
thick aiid white strew iu the nut;
stir and mix it well, and do not
quit it for an instant until it is fin
ished. Keep the pan a little above
the fire to prevent the nut from
burning.
It will not do hereafter to say
of the dullest boy in the faitiilv that
he can be the farmer, because he
is unfit for any-thing else He must
have all the elements of an earnest
man in him, with good reasoning
and analytical powers, and no slow
blood or ill-directed brain; or else
though he may make a poor lawyer,
doctor, or politician, it is not at all
probable he will succeed as a farmer.
H1WOROVB.
Good news for husbands
Ladies were their dresses longer
than they used to do.
People who are always wishing
for something new should try
neuralgia.
How do you know a house is
often hungry? Because we see the
chimney swallow flies.
A Bloomiugton, 111., uncle lately
held a young husband while the
runaway bride was seized and
spanked by the irate father.
"Let the toast be, dear woman,"
as the man said to his wife when
he wanted to eat it all himself.
Some one, feeling that actions are
better than words, has said : "We
read of the Acts of the Apostles,
but never of their resolutions."
"There, now,'' cried little Bessie,
the other day, mmaging a drawer
in the bureau, "Grandpa has' gone
to Heaven without his spectacles."
A Western man at a "waver
meeting" said, somewhat enviously:
"Brother Lawson can sing better
than I can, bnt by the grace of
Heaven I can fiddle his shirt off.
If you dou't look careflilly after
the bits of your horse, you may one
day be looking after the bits of
your wagon.
A certain clergyman who left a
notice in his pulpit to be read by
the preacher who exchanged with
him, neglected to denote carefully a
private postscript, and the congrega
tion was astonished to hear the
stranger wind up by saying : ,lYou
will please come to dine with me at
the parsonage."
Carpenters frequedtly become
not only bores, but also annoy peo
ple with their old saws.
A fop, in company, wanting his
servant, calied out: " Wi.&eMhat
blockhead of mine?" "On yonr
shoulders, sir."
The maddest man in Camden is
Smith. 1 le wound up his clock reg
ularly every, night for fifteen years,
and then discoverd that it was an
eight-day clock.
"When Shakespeare wrote about
'patience on a monument,' did he
refer to doctors' patients ?" "No."
"How do you know he didn't?"
"Because you always find them
under a monument."
'I he Scarabajus, or that which we
call the "tumble-bug," symbolized,
in ancient days, the resurrection.
The explanation is made because
Western editors are using the com
poti'id term as one of reproach in
their little name-calling tourna
ments. An Ohio girl, who was jilted by
her lover, spoiled his beauty by
taking her little pistol and shooting
his nose off.
Mrs. Minnie Myrtle Miller
was well patronized in Ohio and
ludiaua.
It is estimated that between 900,.
000,000 and $1,000,000,000 of
American railway bonds have been
negotiated iu Germany.
"I say, cap'n," said a little-eyed
man as he landed from the steam,
boat Natchez" I say, cap'n, this
ere' ain't all."
"That's all the baggage you
brought on board, sir,'' replied the
captain.
"Well, see now, it's according to
list four boxes, three chests, two
Imiii' boxes, porlmanty, two hams,
(one part cut) three ropes ofiuyoua,
and a teakettle; but I'm dubersnm.
I feel there's something short,
though I've connted'em nine times,,
and never took my eyes off ov'era
while on board; there's something
not right somehow ."
"Well, stranger, the time's up.
There's all I know of; so bring up
yonr wife and five children out of
the cabin, and we're off.
"Them's um! darn it them's
urn!" he exclaimed. "I knowed
Pd forgot something."