ALBANY REGISTER. 6 STOVftS ANtTI!JWAKE. THE OLD STOVE DEPOT. JOHN BKIGGS, Denier in RANGES. COOK, PAHLOK AND BON, s r o v e s i Of the beat pattrns. AIAO : TIX, MIKOT I BOX AKD COP VKSt WABE, Atid tin: usual assortment of furnishrnji to lie obtained in iitm store. Repair neatly and i n(im;tly execnted, on reasonable tonus. KhortrecliOiiliitfNiiiakrloitBfrlejitts, FRONT STREET, ALBANY. IH?CX5, 1&88-1 HARDWARE, W. H. KUHN & CO., Wholesale ami Retail Iiealersin MIEI.F AM)Iiay HARDWARE, Farmers' & Mechanics' Tools, IJMI.DUtV IIAKllWAHE, IRON AND STEEL, AU mid f.IM IMBS, (114 HOB V it OAK SPOKES, IIM'KOHY AXI.EK, Hardwood Lumber, Bent Kims. MinftA, Pule, Ac, WOOD AND WILLOW WARE, All of which are now offered to the mit 11c at low rates. As wo make the business a nueclalty, wo can and win keep better nssortinent. at lower prices, tban any house in this city. W. H. KUHN & CO., Monteith ft re-proof brick, First street. Albany, June )4,is7i-iivi nitres. A. (MOTHERS & CO., Dealers in- (TlOUt'AJLS, PAISTN, BYES, ULAVS I.IMPN, Kir., All the popular PAT23ST '."53KDICINES, FINE WTLERY. (KIAKS, TOBACCO. MOTION PEBFUSEHY, mid Toll.'! ;ols. Particular care aiel promptness given Physicians' prescript ions and Kumily Hee a. cAeothkss co. Albany, Orgon-4v3 0 2 O m Sals CS ,"8 a I IS sa t' WftS lllgf v - .iii 65 J g0 ES'3 r t PBS S i . II '1 an THE CINCINNATI DAILY EVOIIWi 8TAII has the largest eirculntlnn by over .1,000 of anj afternoon paper in the Slate of Ohio.' Puper-hanglng, Calccnttning, Decorating, &. M. WAD8WORTH will give prompt attention to all orders for Paper banging, Catomlnlng, Decorating, Ac. in this city or vicinity. All work executed In the latest style, in the liest manner, and nt lowest living mtes. fci? Order left at Furniture Wareroomsof Cls. Miialcy will receive prompt attention. I0v4 BUSINESS CARDS. JOHN CONNER, BANKING AND Exchange Office, AI.HAXY. OIIEUOX. DEPOSITS RECEIVED Pl'IUKCT TO ! cheek at slight. Interest allowed on t line denosits In coin. Exelwnjre on Portland. San Francisco, i ami New York, for Bale at lowest rules. Collections nmd rind prompt r, remtttcn. Refers hi IJ. W. Corbctt, Henry Falling, W. S Lndd. Ranking hours from 8 A. M. to 4 P. SI. Albany, Fo'i-irwi-iivs Something Xew in Dentistry. IHt. K. O. yjIS'l it, IIEVITKT, Has located in ai.ua ny, ami has tbe new in vent ion in plate work, which ennslsts In Inserting teeth in the inouth without covering the whole : b sif, ih heretofore. It xl ves t he wearer tbe wearer tbe free use Of the tongue to the roof of tbe mouth In talking anil tasting. It Is the Health Pnrvine patent. Teeth extracted without pate. Plates 1 mended, whether broken or divided. tiirOFKlCfc -First street, east of Conner's I Rank (up stairs), Alliany, ( Iwgon. 7v4 CITY MARKET, FIRST fvTKEET, AIJBAXY, OHEUOX, J. L. HARRIS, PROPRIETOR, TIT ILL ENDEAVOR TO KEEP CON W stnntlv on hand a full su iply of AM. KIXBS OF MEAT, Which will he of the very best quality. The highest market price paid for beeves, lions and sheep. Third door west of Fcrrv,on south side of Flint street. ' .1. L. HAH HIS. Allmtiv, Dee. 15, 1S71-15V GANG SDK PLOW . Improved ' l o r i i a. ... - with JOXEN Plow IJottoniN. lathe llest UAXO PltW in the world. It is vmpJ MtronK and durable, and does IK work eflBCtnally. Don't fall to see it before buying. Price, t75. Sold onlv hv I It i:A I) iVDII & "0.. Nau Francisco. Send for cbvulnrs. DniS JOHN SCHMEER, -riEAl.i:K IK Groceries & Provisions, ALBANY, OREGON. HAH JtJOT OPENED HIS NKW ( iUOCETl establishment on corner of Kllsworth and First stn-eis, with a flush srock of tirocerles, Provisions, Cnndles, GfcrRm. To luicco, Ac., to wbieb he invites the atten tion of our citizens. In connection with tbe store he will keep a Bakery, and will always have on hand n full supply of fresh bread, crackers, Ac. CaT Call and see me. JOHN SCHMEER. February 16-J4v4 a. v. I AM PREPABKD TO DO ALL KINDS Of turnini;; keep on hand and make to Order rawhide-bottomed chairs, Ac. shop near the Miils and Hosiery, Jefferson, Ire gon. Branch 8hop near "Magnolia Mills," Allianv, where orders for chairs, tupilng, Ac. can lx left. JOHN M. METLKK. Jefferson, Aug. 2, 172 Wotioo. 0 ItEGON A CALIFOBNIA R.MLHOAD Commuy, Land Deiiart mem, Port land Onigon, April I), lSii.-Nottee is hereby given, that ft vtebiow prosecution will be instituted against any and overy perKO) who tinspassiM upon any lluiliiiiid Umd. by cuttingandn'mnvim timber therefrom before the same I BOL'tiHT of the Compa ny AND VAlp FtlK. All vacant Land in Odd numbeix'd sec tions, whether surveyed or misnrveyed, within a distance of tmhy miles from" tbe line of the road, belongs to the Company. 1. It. MOOliKS, " 32v4tf Umd Agent. JODB WAaON. HA VINO PURCHASED THE ISTEU est of Q. W. Young In the Deliver)- Ku.iiie, Iampi-eparodtodoany and alt kinds of )obs, on short notice and with quick dis patch. Terms reasonable. Packages de livered to any iwit of the city. 6ST Look out for the BAY TEAM and JOB WAOON. v4 A. N. ARNOLD. BLANK DEEDS, MORTGAGES, ETC., on hand-latest styles -and for sale low, at this office. " ' Stag t$M. S5 (5if SnbscritierH finding an X after their namosare Informed thattbcirsuliscriptlon expires with that nnmtier, and they are in vited to renew It. Terms-13 per annum, inadvam-e; six months, f2; three months, Little Hreechcs. Tlte following itoem, clipped from the New York Tribune, is stinnaswl to hnve iH'en written by Mr. Jolin Hay, wlio was priviite secretary to Presi dent Lincoln during his administra tion. For idiomatic humor and pa thos, it is uncqunlh 1 : and years of observation eonld not Impart n better understanding of that peculiar pioneer lite which develops from precocious hardihood and indifference to danger in the ehild, to roughness, reverence and tenderness in the man : I don't go mncli on religion, I never ain't had any show ; But I've got a middltn' tight grip, sir, On the hnndhil o' things 1 know. I don't mm out on the prophet And free will, and all ttiat sort of thing But I b'lleve in God anil the angels, Ever Mnee one night last Spring. I come in town with some turnips, And my little Gabe come along No four-year-old in the county Could beat him for pretty and strong. Peatt and chipper and sassy. Always ready to swear and tight And I'd iarnt him to chaw terbaeker, Just to keep his milk teeth while. The snow come down like a blanket As I passed by Taggart's store ; I went m ior a jug of niolases And left the team at the door. They scared at something and started I heard one little squall. And hell-to-split over the prairie, Went team. Little Breeches and all. llell-to-split over the prairie ! I was almost froze with skeer; But we rousted up some torches, And sarehed for 'em far and near. At last wo struck horses and wagon. Snowed under a soft white mound, Urnot, dead beat but of litte Galie No hide nor hair was found. And here till hope soured on me, Of my fellow-critter' :i id 1 jest flopped down on my marrow bones. Crotch-deep iu the snow, and prayed. By this, the torches was played out And me and Isrul Parr Went off for some wood toasheepfold That lie said was somewliar tliar. We found it at last, and a little shed Whttr they shut up the lambs at night. We looked in, and seen them huddled thar, So warm and sleepy and white, And thar sot Little Breeches and chirped As peart as ever you see '1 want a chaw of terbaeker. And that's what's the matter with me." How did lie git thar ? Angels. He never could have walked in that storm, They jest scooped down and toted him To whar it was safe and warm. And 1 think that saving a little child. And bringing him to his own. IS a denied sight better business Than loafing around the Throne. J. H. Oululnjr a Jew. Nine persons sailed from Basle down the Rhine. A Jew, who wished to go to Schalampi, was allowed to come on hoard, and journey with them, upon condition that lie would cMKluct him self with propriety, aud give the cap tain eighteen kreutzers for his passage. Now it is true something jingled in the Jew's pocket when lie' Struck his hand against it. but the only money therein was a twelve kreutzer piece, tor the other was a brass button. Not withstanding this, he accepted the ot ter wish gratitude; for he thought to himself, "something nciy be earned, even upon the water. There is many a man who has grown fat upon the Rhine.'" During the first part of the voyage, the passengers were very talkative aitd merry, and the Jew, with his wallet under bis arm for he did not lay it aside was the sole object of much mirth and mockery, as. alas ! is often the ease with those ot his Hfltioi. But as the vessel sailed onward, and pass ed TliuriuKeti and St. Veit, thepasseii ger, one after another, grow silent, and gaped and gazed listlessly down the river, until one cried : "Come, Jew! do you know any pastime that will amuse us? Your lathers must have contrived many u one during their journey in the wilder ness."' "Now is the time." said the Jew, "to shear my sheep !" and he propos ed that they should sit around in a circle and propose rations curious rations to each other, and he, with ir permission, would sit with them. Those who could not answer the ques tions should pay the one who propoun ded them a twelve kreuticr piece, and those who answered them pertinently should receive a twelve kreutwr piece. This proKsal pleased the company ; and hoping to divert themselves with the Jew's wit or stupidity, each one asked at random whatever chanced to enter his head. Thus, lor example, the first asked : "How many soft boiled eggs could the giant Goliath eat upon an empty stomach r" All said it. was impossible to answer that question ; and each paid htm twelve krentzers. But the Jew said: "One; for he who has eaten one egg cannot eat a second upon an empty stomach;" and the others paid him twelve krent zers. The second thought : "Wait, Jew! I will try you out of the New Testa ment, and I think I shall win my piece. Why did the Apostle Paul write the Second Epistle to the Cor inthians?" The Jew said: "Because he was not in Corinth: otherwise, he would have spoken to them." So he won anotlier twelve kreutzer piece. When tlie third saw that the Jew was so well versed in the Blbie, he tried him in a different way : "Who prolonged his work to as great a length as possible, and completes it in time?" "Tlte ropemaker, if lie be industri ons," said the Jew. In the mean while they drew near to a village, and one said to the other : "That is Bamlach." Then the fourth asked : "Iu what month do the people of Banilach eat the least?" The Jew said : "In February for it lias only twenty-eight days." The fifth said : "There are two nat ural brothers, and still only one of them is my uncle." The Jew said: "The uncle is your father's brother, and your father is not your uncle." A fish leaped out of the water, and the sixth asked, "What fish have their eyes nearest to-gether ?" The Jew said, "The smallest." The seventh asked, "How canaman ride from Basle to Berne,in the sliade, in summer time, when the sun shines?" The Jew said, "When he comes to a place where there is no sliade, he must dismount and go on foot." The eighth asked, "When a man rides in the winter time from Berne to Basle, and has forgotten his gloves, how must he manage so that his hands shall not freeze?" The Jew said, "He must make fists out of them." The ninth was the last. This one asked, "How can live persons divide five eggs so that each man shall re Cjive one, and still one remain in the dish?" The Jew said, "The last must take the dish with the egg, and he can let it lie there as long as he pleases." But now it came to his turn, and he determined to make a good sweep. After many preliminary compliments he asked, with a mischievious friend liness, "How can a man fry two trout in three pans, so that a trout may lie in each pan ?" No one could answer this, and one after the other gave him a twelve kreutzer piece. But when the ninth desired that he should solve the riddle, he rocked to and fro, shrugged his shoulders, and rolled his eyes. "I am a poor Jew," lie said at last. The rest cried, "What has that to do with it ? Give us the answer." "You must not take it amiss, for I am a poor Jew ?" At last after much persuasion, and many promises that they would do him no harm he thrust, his hand into his pocket, took out one of the twelve kreutzer piece that he had won. laid it upon the table, and sakl, "1 do not know the answer any more than you do! Here are my twelve krentzers." When the others heard the words, they opened their eyes and said this was scarcely according to agreement. But as they could not control their langther, and were wealthy and good natural met), and as the Jew had belli ed them to while away the time from St. Veit to Schalampi. they let it pass, and the Jew took with him from the vessel let a good arithmetician reck on up for me now much the Jew car ried home with him. He had a twelve kreutzer piece and a brass button when he came on board. He won nine twelve kreutzer pieces by hi answers, nine with his own riddle, one he paid back, and eighteen krentzers he gave the captain. I A telegram dated Springfield, Illi- nok October 21, says : Tbe drouth is again fearful in this -ection of the State. It is reported that in many portions of this county i he stock is suffering greatly for water. Wells and cistern have been exhanst- cd. and former for miles around rely ole!v tiiion the Sangamon river for a supply or water. I have seen a man engage in a law suit about a very trifling aftkir that cost him more in the end than would have roofed all tho buildings on the fa rtn A suffering but sensible Wisconsin horse hobbled, to a blacksmith shop of its own accord a few days ago, and a long, rusty nail was found in his hoof. HV1MBOIM. There is a species of Hon which n6 one is afraid of. and that Is tbe dandy lion. The most irredeemable bond as yet known are vagabonds. The key which Is the hardest to turn is the donkey. The Penitentiary convicts in an Eastern State have been sentenced to a course ot lectures on moral science. When people are sea-sick the tiling which they most ardently desire is to feel sea-cure. A school committee in Kansas hav ing advertised lor "a smart teacher," a man named Mntard applied for the situation and was accepted. A little uirl was tenderlv uursinsf her sick doff, the other day, and on her mother's asking what ailed It, sue re plied, "It's got tlie Alabama cmi Very An Indiana town has the following dog ordinace : Dogs that are not col lared and labelled, no matter how re lH'( tably connected, will have their narratives amputated one inch south of their ears." At a recent fair, a set of Cooper's works was promised to tlie author of the best conundrum. A conspicuous dandy was declared tlie winner, and received a set of wooden palls made by tlie village cooper. "My boy is not unruly !"ltidlguantr ly exclaimed a mother, whose sen had been accused of unruly conduct by Ids teacher "lie is a good boy. but I ad mit that lie's often troubled With a rush of temper to the brain." An abent-minded man entered li Troy shoe-store the other day, and wanted bis boy measured for a balr of shoes. "But where's the boy?" said the dealer. "Thunder !" said tlte man . "I've left the boy at home; I'll go and bring him," and off he started lor his house, six blocks away. "Do you know," asked an old far mer ot a politician, "the difference be tween vourselfand my speckled hen?" Tlie politician gave it up. "Well," said tiie old farmer, "the difference is this : she never cackles till she's laid her egg, and you are cackling all the time without ever laying any eggs at all." A waggish farmer in Ohio killed forty black-snakes one day recently, and buried them In a sand pit. The next day lie sent his hired man a Swede to dig fish worms in the same place, and the size of tlie worms frightened the poor fellow nearly out of his senses, he fled in terror from the scene. A gray-haired old man tried to get a room on Kearny street, San Francis co, the other day. He asked the wo man who answered the bell : "Have you a room to let?" 'Yes," she replied, "but-" "But what?" "Yon cannot have it." "Why not?" asked tlie old gentle man. "You are more than sixty years old, are you not?" "I am sixty-five. What of that?" "The landlady won't allow any fun erals from her house." OJiver Wendell Holmes, the doctor who gives people fits of laughing, sent a letter to the postofllceofa lady's fair at Pittsfield. On the first page he wrote : "Fair lady whosoever thou art, Turn this poor leaf with tenderest care And hush, 0 hush thy breathing heart, The one thou lovest will be there." On turning the "poor leaf" there was found a one dollar bill, with some verses beginning : "Fair lady lift thine eyes and tell Ifthisisnotatrntlihilletter; This is the one (1) tiion lovest well. And nought iui can make thee love It belter." A few years ago at a negro enmpmeeting held near Flushing, tlie colored preacher said : "I tell you, blubbed bredren, dat de debel Is a big hog, an' one of dese days he'll come along and root you all out." An old negro, in one of the anxious pews, hearing this, raised himself up from the straw, and clasping his hands, exclaimed in the agony of his tear : "Ring hltn, Lord ! ring him !" Young Middy (to his uncle, who's never seen the sea) "You want to kuow why the sea goes back, eh? Well you see the waves are caused by the little fishes wagging their tails; then they swim away in order to get caught by the fishing-smacks; and then, as they can't live without water, the sea follows them. This causes high tide and low tide." Uncle mar vels at his nephew's knowledge. A Connecticut fisherman one day baited his hook with a live frog. Alter patiently waiting for some time for a bite and chatting with a friend, he found that his lively bait had swam ashore and was quietly sitting on a rock by his side. He wound up his line and went home. "Miss. Grimes, lend me your tub? " "Can't do It all the hoops is off; its full of suds ; besides I never had one. I washes iu a bar'I." There are many people who not only lielieve that this world revolves on Its axis, but they believe that they arc the axis-.