ALBANY REGISTER.
6
STOVftS ANtTI!JWAKE.
THE
OLD STOVE DEPOT.
JOHN BKIGGS,
Denier in
RANGES.
COOK, PAHLOK AND BON,
s r o v e s i
Of the beat pattrns.
AIAO : TIX, MIKOT I BOX AKD COP
VKSt WABE,
Atid tin: usual assortment of furnishrnji
to lie obtained in iitm store.
Repair neatly and i n(im;tly execnted,
on reasonable tonus.
KhortrecliOiiliitfNiiiakrloitBfrlejitts,
FRONT STREET, ALBANY.
IH?CX5, 1&88-1
HARDWARE,
W. H. KUHN & CO.,
Wholesale ami Retail Iiealersin
MIEI.F AM)Iiay
HARDWARE,
Farmers' & Mechanics' Tools,
IJMI.DUtV IIAKllWAHE,
IRON AND STEEL,
AU mid f.IM IMBS,
(114 HOB V it OAK SPOKES,
IIM'KOHY AXI.EK,
Hardwood Lumber,
Bent Kims. MinftA, Pule, Ac,
WOOD AND WILLOW WARE,
All of which are now offered to the mit
11c at low rates. As wo make the business
a nueclalty, wo can and win keep better
nssortinent. at lower prices, tban any
house in this city.
W. H. KUHN & CO.,
Monteith ft re-proof brick, First street.
Albany, June )4,is7i-iivi
nitres.
A. (MOTHERS & CO.,
Dealers in-
(TlOUt'AJLS, PAISTN, BYES,
ULAVS I.IMPN, Kir.,
All the popular
PAT23ST '."53KDICINES,
FINE WTLERY. (KIAKS, TOBACCO.
MOTION PEBFUSEHY,
mid Toll.'! ;ols.
Particular care aiel promptness given
Physicians' prescript ions and Kumily Hee
a. cAeothkss co.
Albany, Orgon-4v3
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Sals
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an
THE CINCINNATI
DAILY EVOIIWi 8TAII
has the largest eirculntlnn by over .1,000 of
anj afternoon paper in the Slate of Ohio.'
Puper-hanglng, Calccnttning,
Decorating, &.
M. WAD8WORTH will give prompt
attention to all orders for Paper
banging, Catomlnlng, Decorating, Ac. in
this city or vicinity. All work executed
In the latest style, in the liest manner, and
nt lowest living mtes. fci? Order left at
Furniture Wareroomsof Cls. Miialcy will
receive prompt attention. I0v4
BUSINESS CARDS.
JOHN CONNER,
BANKING
AND
Exchange Office,
AI.HAXY. OIIEUOX.
DEPOSITS RECEIVED Pl'IUKCT TO !
cheek at slight.
Interest allowed on t line denosits In coin.
Exelwnjre on Portland. San Francisco, i
ami New York, for Bale at lowest rules.
Collections nmd rind prompt r, remtttcn.
Refers hi IJ. W. Corbctt, Henry Falling,
W. S Lndd.
Ranking hours from 8 A. M. to 4 P. SI.
Albany, Fo'i-irwi-iivs
Something Xew in Dentistry.
IHt. K. O. yjIS'l it, IIEVITKT,
Has located in ai.ua
ny, ami has tbe new in
vent ion in plate work, which
ennslsts In Inserting teeth
in the inouth without covering the whole :
b sif, ih heretofore. It xl ves t he wearer tbe
wearer tbe free use Of the tongue to the
roof of tbe mouth In talking anil tasting.
It Is the Health Pnrvine patent.
Teeth extracted without pate. Plates 1
mended, whether broken or divided.
tiirOFKlCfc -First street, east of Conner's I
Rank (up stairs), Alliany, ( Iwgon. 7v4
CITY MARKET,
FIRST fvTKEET, AIJBAXY, OHEUOX,
J. L. HARRIS,
PROPRIETOR,
TIT ILL ENDEAVOR TO KEEP CON
W stnntlv on hand a full su iply of
AM. KIXBS OF MEAT,
Which will he of the very best quality.
The highest market price paid for beeves,
lions and sheep.
Third door west of Fcrrv,on south side
of Flint street. ' .1. L. HAH HIS.
Allmtiv, Dee. 15, 1S71-15V
GANG
SDK
PLOW
. Improved
' l o r i i a.
... - with JOXEN
Plow IJottoniN. lathe llest UAXO PltW
in the world. It is vmpJ MtronK and
durable, and does IK work eflBCtnally.
Don't fall to see it before buying. Price,
t75. Sold onlv hv I It i:A I) iVDII & "0..
Nau Francisco. Send for cbvulnrs. DniS
JOHN SCHMEER,
-riEAl.i:K IK
Groceries & Provisions,
ALBANY, OREGON.
HAH JtJOT OPENED HIS NKW ( iUOCETl
establishment on corner of Kllsworth
and First stn-eis, with a flush srock of
tirocerles, Provisions, Cnndles, GfcrRm. To
luicco, Ac., to wbieb he invites the atten
tion of our citizens.
In connection with tbe store he will keep
a Bakery, and will always have on hand n
full supply of fresh bread, crackers, Ac.
CaT Call and see me.
JOHN SCHMEER.
February 16-J4v4
a.
v.
I AM PREPABKD TO DO ALL KINDS
Of turnini;; keep on hand and make to
Order rawhide-bottomed chairs, Ac. shop
near the Miils and Hosiery, Jefferson, Ire
gon. Branch 8hop near "Magnolia Mills,"
Allianv, where orders for chairs, tupilng,
Ac. can lx left. JOHN M. METLKK.
Jefferson, Aug. 2, 172
Wotioo.
0
ItEGON A CALIFOBNIA R.MLHOAD
Commuy, Land Deiiart mem, Port land
Onigon, April I), lSii.-Nottee is hereby
given, that ft vtebiow prosecution will be
instituted against any and overy perKO)
who tinspassiM upon any lluiliiiiid Umd.
by cuttingandn'mnvim timber therefrom
before the same I BOL'tiHT of the Compa
ny AND VAlp FtlK.
All vacant Land in Odd numbeix'd sec
tions, whether surveyed or misnrveyed,
within a distance of tmhy miles from" tbe
line of the road, belongs to the Company.
1. It. MOOliKS, "
32v4tf Umd Agent.
JODB WAaON.
HA VINO PURCHASED THE ISTEU
est of Q. W. Young In the
Deliver)- Ku.iiie,
Iampi-eparodtodoany and alt kinds of
)obs, on short notice and with quick dis
patch. Terms reasonable. Packages de
livered to any iwit of the city. 6ST Look
out for the BAY TEAM and JOB WAOON.
v4 A. N. ARNOLD.
BLANK DEEDS, MORTGAGES, ETC.,
on hand-latest styles -and for sale
low, at this office. " '
Stag t$M.
S5
(5if SnbscritierH finding an X after their
namosare Informed thattbcirsuliscriptlon
expires with that nnmtier, and they are in
vited to renew It. Terms-13 per annum,
inadvam-e; six months, f2; three months,
Little Hreechcs.
Tlte following itoem, clipped from
the New York Tribune, is stinnaswl to
hnve iH'en written by Mr. Jolin Hay,
wlio was priviite secretary to Presi
dent Lincoln during his administra
tion. For idiomatic humor and pa
thos, it is uncqunlh 1 : and years of
observation eonld not Impart n better
understanding of that peculiar pioneer
lite which develops from precocious
hardihood and indifference to danger
in the ehild, to roughness, reverence
and tenderness in the man :
I don't go mncli on religion,
I never ain't had any show ;
But I've got a middltn' tight grip, sir,
On the hnndhil o' things 1 know.
I don't mm out on the prophet
And free will, and all ttiat sort of
thing
But I b'lleve in God anil the angels,
Ever Mnee one night last Spring.
I come in town with some turnips,
And my little Gabe come along
No four-year-old in the county
Could beat him for pretty and strong.
Peatt and chipper and sassy.
Always ready to swear and tight
And I'd iarnt him to chaw terbaeker,
Just to keep his milk teeth while.
The snow come down like a blanket
As I passed by Taggart's store ;
I went m ior a jug of niolases
And left the team at the door.
They scared at something and started
I heard one little squall.
And hell-to-split over the prairie,
Went team. Little Breeches and all.
llell-to-split over the prairie !
I was almost froze with skeer;
But we rousted up some torches,
And sarehed for 'em far and near.
At last wo struck horses and wagon.
Snowed under a soft white mound,
Urnot, dead beat but of litte Galie
No hide nor hair was found.
And here till hope soured on me,
Of my fellow-critter' :i id
1 jest flopped down on my marrow
bones.
Crotch-deep iu the snow, and prayed.
By this, the torches was played out
And me and Isrul Parr
Went off for some wood toasheepfold
That lie said was somewliar tliar.
We found it at last, and a little shed
Whttr they shut up the lambs at
night.
We looked in, and seen them huddled
thar,
So warm and sleepy and white,
And thar sot Little Breeches and
chirped
As peart as ever you see
'1 want a chaw of terbaeker.
And that's what's the matter with
me."
How did lie git thar ? Angels.
He never could have walked in that
storm,
They jest scooped down and toted him
To whar it was safe and warm.
And 1 think that saving a little child.
And bringing him to his own.
IS a denied sight better business
Than loafing around the Throne.
J. H.
Oululnjr a Jew.
Nine persons sailed from Basle down
the Rhine. A Jew, who wished to go
to Schalampi, was allowed to come on
hoard, and journey with them, upon
condition that lie would cMKluct him
self with propriety, aud give the cap
tain eighteen kreutzers for his passage.
Now it is true something jingled in
the Jew's pocket when lie' Struck his
hand against it. but the only money
therein was a twelve kreutzer piece,
tor the other was a brass button. Not
withstanding this, he accepted the ot
ter wish gratitude; for he thought to
himself, "something nciy be earned,
even upon the water. There is many
a man who has grown fat upon the
Rhine.'"
During the first part of the voyage,
the passengers were very talkative aitd
merry, and the Jew, with his wallet
under bis arm for he did not lay it
aside was the sole object of much
mirth and mockery, as. alas ! is often
the ease with those ot his Hfltioi. But
as the vessel sailed onward, and pass
ed TliuriuKeti and St. Veit, thepasseii
ger, one after another, grow silent,
and gaped and gazed listlessly down
the river, until one cried :
"Come, Jew! do you know any
pastime that will amuse us? Your
lathers must have contrived many u
one during their journey in the wilder
ness."' "Now is the time." said the Jew,
"to shear my sheep !" and he propos
ed that they should sit around in a
circle and propose rations curious
rations to each other, and he, with
ir permission, would sit with them.
Those who could not answer the ques
tions should pay the one who propoun
ded them a twelve kreuticr piece, and
those who answered them pertinently
should receive a twelve kreutwr piece.
This proKsal pleased the company ;
and hoping to divert themselves with
the Jew's wit or stupidity, each one
asked at random whatever chanced to
enter his head.
Thus, lor example, the first asked :
"How many soft boiled eggs could the
giant Goliath eat upon an empty
stomach r"
All said it. was impossible to answer
that question ; and each paid htm
twelve krentzers.
But the Jew said: "One; for he
who has eaten one egg cannot eat a
second upon an empty stomach;"
and the others paid him twelve krent
zers. The second thought : "Wait, Jew!
I will try you out of the New Testa
ment, and I think I shall win my
piece. Why did the Apostle Paul
write the Second Epistle to the Cor
inthians?" The Jew said: "Because he was
not in Corinth: otherwise, he would
have spoken to them."
So he won anotlier twelve kreutzer
piece.
When tlie third saw that the Jew
was so well versed in the Blbie, he
tried him in a different way : "Who
prolonged his work to as great a length
as possible, and completes it in time?"
"Tlte ropemaker, if lie be industri
ons," said the Jew.
In the mean while they drew near to
a village, and one said to the other :
"That is Bamlach."
Then the fourth asked : "Iu what
month do the people of Banilach eat
the least?"
The Jew said : "In February for it
lias only twenty-eight days."
The fifth said : "There are two nat
ural brothers, and still only one of
them is my uncle."
The Jew said: "The uncle is your
father's brother, and your father is not
your uncle."
A fish leaped out of the water, and
the sixth asked, "What fish have their
eyes nearest to-gether ?"
The Jew said, "The smallest."
The seventh asked, "How canaman
ride from Basle to Berne,in the sliade,
in summer time, when the sun shines?"
The Jew said, "When he comes to a
place where there is no sliade, he must
dismount and go on foot."
The eighth asked, "When a man
rides in the winter time from Berne to
Basle, and has forgotten his gloves,
how must he manage so that his hands
shall not freeze?"
The Jew said, "He must make fists
out of them."
The ninth was the last. This one
asked, "How can live persons divide
five eggs so that each man shall re
Cjive one, and still one remain in the
dish?"
The Jew said, "The last must take
the dish with the egg, and he can let
it lie there as long as he pleases."
But now it came to his turn, and he
determined to make a good sweep.
After many preliminary compliments
he asked, with a mischievious friend
liness, "How can a man fry two trout
in three pans, so that a trout may lie
in each pan ?"
No one could answer this, and one
after the other gave him a twelve
kreutzer piece.
But when the ninth desired that he
should solve the riddle, he rocked to
and fro, shrugged his shoulders, and
rolled his eyes. "I am a poor Jew,"
lie said at last.
The rest cried, "What has that to do
with it ? Give us the answer."
"You must not take it amiss, for I
am a poor Jew ?" At last after much
persuasion, and many promises that
they would do him no harm he
thrust, his hand into his pocket, took
out one of the twelve kreutzer piece
that he had won. laid it upon the table,
and sakl, "1 do not know the answer
any more than you do! Here are my
twelve krentzers."
When the others heard the words,
they opened their eyes and said this
was scarcely according to agreement.
But as they could not control their
langther, and were wealthy and good
natural met), and as the Jew had belli
ed them to while away the time from
St. Veit to Schalampi. they let it pass,
and the Jew took with him from the
vessel let a good arithmetician reck
on up for me now much the Jew car
ried home with him. He had a twelve
kreutzer piece and a brass button when
he came on board. He won nine
twelve kreutzer pieces by hi answers,
nine with his own riddle, one he paid
back, and eighteen krentzers he gave
the captain.
I A telegram dated Springfield, Illi-
nok October 21, says :
Tbe drouth is again fearful in this
-ection of the State. It is reported
that in many portions of this county
i he stock is suffering greatly for water.
Wells and cistern have been exhanst-
cd. and former for miles around rely
ole!v tiiion the Sangamon river for a
supply or water.
I have seen a man engage in a law
suit about a very trifling aftkir that
cost him more in the end than would
have roofed all tho buildings on the
fa rtn
A suffering but sensible Wisconsin
horse hobbled, to a blacksmith shop of
its own accord a few days ago, and a
long, rusty nail was found in his hoof.
HV1MBOIM.
There is a species of Hon which n6
one is afraid of. and that Is tbe dandy
lion. The most irredeemable bond as yet
known are vagabonds.
The key which Is the hardest to turn
is the donkey.
The Penitentiary convicts in an
Eastern State have been sentenced to
a course ot lectures on moral science.
When people are sea-sick the tiling
which they most ardently desire is to
feel sea-cure.
A school committee in Kansas hav
ing advertised lor "a smart teacher,"
a man named Mntard applied for the
situation and was accepted.
A little uirl was tenderlv uursinsf
her sick doff, the other day, and on her
mother's asking what ailed It, sue re
plied, "It's got tlie Alabama cmi Very
An Indiana town has the following
dog ordinace : Dogs that are not col
lared and labelled, no matter how re
lH'( tably connected, will have their
narratives amputated one inch south of
their ears."
At a recent fair, a set of Cooper's
works was promised to tlie author of
the best conundrum. A conspicuous
dandy was declared tlie winner, and
received a set of wooden palls made
by tlie village cooper.
"My boy is not unruly !"ltidlguantr
ly exclaimed a mother, whose sen had
been accused of unruly conduct by Ids
teacher "lie is a good boy. but I ad
mit that lie's often troubled With a
rush of temper to the brain."
An abent-minded man entered li
Troy shoe-store the other day, and
wanted bis boy measured for a balr of
shoes. "But where's the boy?" said
the dealer. "Thunder !" said tlte man .
"I've left the boy at home; I'll go
and bring him," and off he started lor
his house, six blocks away.
"Do you know," asked an old far
mer ot a politician, "the difference be
tween vourselfand my speckled hen?"
Tlie politician gave it up. "Well,"
said tiie old farmer, "the difference is
this : she never cackles till she's laid
her egg, and you are cackling all the
time without ever laying any eggs at
all."
A waggish farmer in Ohio killed
forty black-snakes one day recently,
and buried them In a sand pit. The
next day lie sent his hired man
a Swede to dig fish worms in the
same place, and the size of tlie worms
frightened the poor fellow nearly out
of his senses, he fled in terror from the
scene.
A gray-haired old man tried to get
a room on Kearny street, San Francis
co, the other day. He asked the wo
man who answered the bell : "Have
you a room to let?"
'Yes," she replied, "but-"
"But what?"
"Yon cannot have it."
"Why not?" asked tlie old gentle
man. "You are more than sixty years old,
are you not?"
"I am sixty-five. What of that?"
"The landlady won't allow any fun
erals from her house."
OJiver Wendell Holmes, the doctor
who gives people fits of laughing,
sent a letter to the postofllceofa lady's
fair at Pittsfield. On the first page
he wrote :
"Fair lady whosoever thou art,
Turn this poor leaf with tenderest care
And hush, 0 hush thy breathing heart,
The one thou lovest will be there."
On turning the "poor leaf" there
was found a one dollar bill, with some
verses beginning :
"Fair lady lift thine eyes and tell
Ifthisisnotatrntlihilletter;
This is the one (1) tiion lovest well.
And nought iui can make thee love
It belter."
A few years ago at a negro
enmpmeeting held near Flushing, tlie
colored preacher said :
"I tell you, blubbed bredren, dat de
debel Is a big hog, an' one of dese days
he'll come along and root you all out."
An old negro, in one of the anxious
pews, hearing this, raised himself up
from the straw, and clasping his hands,
exclaimed in the agony of his tear :
"Ring hltn, Lord ! ring him !"
Young Middy (to his uncle, who's
never seen the sea) "You want to
kuow why the sea goes back, eh?
Well you see the waves are caused by
the little fishes wagging their tails;
then they swim away in order to get
caught by the fishing-smacks; and
then, as they can't live without water,
the sea follows them. This causes
high tide and low tide." Uncle mar
vels at his nephew's knowledge.
A Connecticut fisherman one day
baited his hook with a live frog. Alter
patiently waiting for some time for a
bite and chatting with a friend, he
found that his lively bait had swam
ashore and was quietly sitting on a
rock by his side. He wound up his
line and went home.
"Miss. Grimes, lend me your tub? "
"Can't do It all the hoops is off; its
full of suds ; besides I never had one.
I washes iu a bar'I."
There are many people who not
only lielieve that this world revolves
on Its axis, but they believe that they
arc the axis-.