VOLVMK V
gMtMnnmixi
rcllUM'.-.li EVEETf FHIH.VV.
iJy XILIu VAX CILKVE,
IN SS.1I3TER EUIIiDISOS,
Cwnr f. tr.t) asrt Ftrd tS'.enl.
TKKMS IN" ADVANCI'..
, v"i- TftraS dollars.
SlYai.mlhs Two dollttW.
mm (I. copies Ten tent,
ADVBKT1SIXU BATK8.
TaBWleBl a1verilments. WW square of
ib thus or less, innurtlon tJ;;nrn
n3i inserted oil the wort
terulS.
JOB WoHK.
iliivlm receive 1 lH'W 15 IV. ok of col
,vihiks,Vai"Ka tioi-,loii jo 'H!r,e;t- . wi'
uiii nnwVt'4 m execute ah kinds ol prtot
i, ' 1 iwttnr manner, anil lilly ME rent
city. i , i . -
r H H.-BlHlil-.
The follo'vinat fjtmfltiini are tlnthnrizotl
, :,wi i an receipt for subwrivHOn?,
u l-cY'lsl-i", ttC, fttt the ttEOtsffiEBi
Ifimoi'anilUi.IUtrrWiuwc.
o. I'. Tompkins, HiwrtbiM
Peter fttitae, Brownsville.
W.R. Kir!:, BMwnwJU.
.1. n. lr.rio. siio.
T. li. Revnolds, Salem.
L 6 t'l-U 'V. sen fwnMKn.
p' l. Porter. Khe-MNMtttJon.
Pletvher & WelK 8 lima "i i "Ik 0
Chili Slekell, .factesonvlHe.
Hl'SlNKSN UAllPS.
., it. anv'HFM..
MITCHELL & litJUHi,
Attorney iuil OMtwwIwrs t !"
, .ULlCl'fOlUSiSWIANt'-KRV AM) l'UOC-
r low in 11 ualriitty. ik ww m m
post oftkm, front -uwt, OTtiud,tmon.
! :
; I.. ft IMCUm I.. H.1NN.
jtELL
MSOH'IH V 'icnr nt !iilv"'
i 1 KUJOmWS iS CHAXt'KBY (!..
, Flten oahirv pnWoJ, Albany, imw.
1 oiiwfttnstnd wmvwyamw iwowpuy it
umivdtn. IIOMEOPATi. T WbEtAN.
VTICK 1 IX FIRST HtRBEf, OXK door
O wi" h 01 BroailnlbUi, to Btwkhart'stwo
s nrvhriri: 'unsttiif-, over (kio. iurait s
w'ora. RKsuHawjs Kipth'nwHt.tiho
vtoilwiw t'S)wU, AitHwy,Or. tiv
rarSICIAN AND SCSCrEON.
ALBANY, OBX-
OmCK-wtTn si hk ku;t STBKRT,
n-vstrtirsin.i . M. Beiwh'
rtwrtjtht vifwhoe.
Pyit!lu Mid Sraju,
ALBANY, UBKOUN.
0
Kirs tlU0f. KtH:uv- iimv.,
iloor wi'-l of Me lio tttl I'HUWh. )
UEO. Vft JKAY,
DOKS AM. WOUK IN THIS
j&b. line of ais professton In the
IXjUtl? Ana- UetU-awntsnsr-'i for
ifu''iwliilMextn;ei I011 of nvih.lt ic'-".
IVrTtvuiur Httentlon urlven 10 the re ,11-
! 1 (-, n-.ilt.uio..s an l exainlnaflons
vim (:.,! moviemte. t mm
Ma i eSKOltic qqfmt ot his woikman-
"oKKICK la Vanish Brick Block. 'U)
s:airs. . glJflf
LEFFEL & MVEKS'
-"jvr&t or WHz5&
SL'ilKRICAL FLUMES;
Anl i.iertl Mill Mcliliiy.
J. F.BACKEXSTO, Asswai.
-,U3 AlliiJ',Orouon.
N, B. Btlfcti M't'l LL,K11.
s, m Ba co..
S T WKOX HAS f) AXf CONSTAXTU'
I 1 rM-utviit a tae stock of
Uwitlis nl I'rovtatoiw,
s,..l awl willow ware, toiwoeo, ultfiirs,
...nlecrlonerv, Yankee me ions, e, ., etc,
wlinlesnleiei 1 retail. at hwe-c ones.
IVno.ltclI. C Illll H N.ii-s.lroj's oro,
Ai'smy, wtvijon,
ALBANY BdOii fS'TOBE.
OUnMfsH.'d In
K. A. lYcelaml.
ivKAf.BB IX KVKBY VAB1KTY W
I ) misoelliineoiis ImkiIss. school books,
riuak !iiiks. stationery. lVmks lumorWU
notttott! short untUf.
Alliany, IHic. 3, lain.
FKAKKMN MARKET,
AI.BAXt, OBlCtitlX,
t. n HI KIIO.N. 1 s I'wnrleter,
tam, AT THK Ol.n BLACK ON
A Knnit street. iHtinoses to turnwli all
fhoa" ly With fl khelsof MKATMltthe
hnslness he ho,ajs to klra Wiwrnl stti
tonlina'oal! who may fcvm Winj f tl
mi. aa-Hiaiiei"- ,V"'
WULTHY,
J. Jl. llBBOX.
n5v4
I A ADVETI KE IX WAMUXOTOX.
BY l'ltAXCl? C. LOXfl.
H.ive yon ever Vlrfted Out-iit Jlow? ,
T'nle. von are a resilient of Wash-,
liiftfon, 1. ('., I will wager hesvj'ocltls I
tli it yon have not ; for' but few, even j
among the oM citizens, know the pre-
loc 'lity of the plate In qne'-tion
A ro v of rickety frame buildings In ft J
nart of the. citv known as Hooker
Division was clirl-tenetl by our soldiers
during the war Cat-'l'nil Row; but
why it was thus designated 110 one has
attempted to explain.
My friend ( 'ad Wooster pointed out
the titan to me from the dome of the
Capitol a abort time since, and at the
saiiie time he related the following ad
venture as having occurred there.
IT was in the winter of lSOi. when
Grant's armv was inventing Peters
burg, Ya., that. I left City Point on the
fames, to make niv tirt visit to the
Federal Capital. At that time I was
a member of the Sanitary Commission
and in my possession was a considera
ble sum of money, principally belong
ing to soldiers who had lately been
paid off, and had entrusted as much of
their hard-earned treiwire as they
C!
m'd spare to my keeping to forward
to friends at houn
On board the steamer was a burly.
carroty-headed man of by no means 1 whatever it might he. banished stum
pleasing appearance, who introduced j ber from my pillow. Pcrlfap it was
himself to me as a Mr. Simpson. Sut- the muttered nnversatiou of the men
lcr to some New Jersey regiment, and ! below stairs that disturbed hie, for I
although far from being a congenial; ,Vas directly above them, and could
companion, his quaint anecdotes, and mr their voice without being able to
exploits in smuggling tolmeeo and ; comprehend their words. I wondered
vhikv through the lines in defiance j as 1 lay in a suite ol nervous unrest,
of vigilant provQt-mrshnls served, in . whether Simpson knew of the money
a measure, to winie a,v ine icuious
monutonv of the voyage.
.Tu-t, before reaching Washington a j
furious storm broke upon us, and we i
effected a landing at the I'ighth street j
wharf at eleven o'eiock in the night in
the midst of a l)!indiiigtenipeMtOf rain :
and sleet, and I knew no iHitMUf Where ;
to seek for shelter from tllty than
it I had leen suddenly tmnslatal to
Peklu.
I sav. Mister, said myptuerac-
flirihitaMce whom I had imagilM lost
in the crowd and darkness, UT say,
where are. you going to
camp to-
night.''
'That is a conundrum which I must
give up." I answered. "However. I
can see ft street car at a little distance,
and I presume U will carry me to some
place of shelter."
Ahem ves, it will take you some
where, but not within a mile of a ho
tel," he returned ; and if it did. little
good it would do you. Congress is in
session and the town is chock full of
visitors, officers on leave, discharged
soldiers gamblers, pickpockets, and
cut-throats of all descriptions. Ten to
one. Mister, if you can secure ft bed up
town."
"Then wliat is to be done?" 1 in
quired shuddering in the icy blast,
"Mister, it ain't for me to say what,
you Shall do ; you do as you please,
but I'll tell you What I'm agoin' to do
myself. A ' friend of mine keeps a
place near here ; a sort o' respectable
restaurant, and although lie doli't make
a practice of tikin' in ledgers he al
ways accommodates me. His conven
iences aren't much to speak on. but
they are clean, however, and resecta
ble! and that suits me."
"Do you think that I can secure a
cup of tea and a bed for the night?"
I inquired, anxious to e'eape from the
blinding fury ot the storm.
"As for 1 lie tea." returned my friend.
"1 can answer yes. fur that's hi- busi
ness ; meals at all hours, you know,
but fr the lied (vltt ;ay. However,
if you're wiiliu'. il will do no harm to
Inquire. 'Any port In a storm," say
the psalmist;1' end without further
delay, he led ine a short way up the
street, and into.! dingy eating saloon
I and bar room, the entrance to which
; was ornamented and illuminated with
i a battered tin lantern, with a red glass
j globe that I had mistaken for a street
i car. On one side of the door I noticed
' a gorgeous inscription m red letters
! on white ground :
j RKSTAVItAST BY W. PLYMPTOX,
Mr, Plyiuptnu, the gentlemanly
proprietor, was at his post among the
j liettles ami beer-kegs, and he was cn
! gaged at the moment In fitly ing up his
bar. Owing to the lateness of the
, hour he was alone with the exception
i of a lialf-iuebriated cavalry sergeant,
j who with bleared eyes, dirty-yellow
chevrons, and unsteady legs, leaned
imiinst the counter In the attitude of
a professional bummer.
t ne Mill." said 111 v friend, as we
entered, "here's me, and Mr. Ytoostcr
of tlie Sanitary Commission, ami we
are both half-starved and half-frozen,
j and want some supper and a bed."
I The man addressed as BUI, had a
! villainous face, I thought, as he looked
first at me, then at Mr. Simpson, as
1 much as to say, "what is hi the wind,
ALBANY, OREGON, NOVEMBER 8,
1872.
1 woroter?" Mr. Plympton aren't in
the habit of takiug ii) strangers, he
said ; didn't encourage it ; left it to
Iieetwd hotels ; still lie was willing
to do a friend a favor, eprcifttly -ue!i
a lriend as the sutler ; and it was set
tled that we should have supper and
beds.
After eating what the landlord de
nominated 'a cold snaek.'and drink
jng a cup of the rankest, bitterest and
vilest tea 1 ever encountered, 1 was
shown up to mv room, leaving Mr.
Simpson and the host in a close con
versation over a bowl of hot Scotch
punch, and the warlike sergeant with
the bleared eyes, in delightful dreams,
if one might judge of their nature by
his mellifluous snoring--.
The room assigiietTiBe was a com
fortless place enough and devoid of
carpet or furniture save a backless
chain a washbowl and pitcher, and a
triangnlur fragment of a broken mir
ror fastened to the caieincnt by two
phis ; but as I listened to the angry
roar of the tempest without, i was
thankful for the shelter.
I went to bed. but from some cause
which 1 must leave physiologists to
explain, 1 could not -,sieep. I was
fearfully weary and drowsy, still sleep
would not embrace me. Some spon
taneitv of perception foreshadowed
danger, some intuitive admonition, or
ciirrieu in mv porrniaiiieau, aun
though I had seen not bing to alarm
me. 1 could not avoid wishing it were
nut in my custody.
What could those low and subdued
muttering mean which reached my
ears in the lull ot the storm ? At last
my curiosity was raised to such a pitch
that 1 quietly arose and groped! about
in the darkness to find some crack or
crevice through which I might peer
into the apartment bekw, and 1 was
1 not many moments hi finding what 1
desired. ' A knot in one of the tloor-
nlanks had become loosened by shrink
ing, and I cautiously removed it, ami
beucatll me I saw my ill-favored land
I lord. Mr. Simpson, and the blear-eyed
; sergeant: the latter apparently asleep,
j -Hawkey, you're a regular trump."
I Plympton was saying, "it was a big
l thing to rope in this Sanitary Cotumis
; slon fellow. Hang me if it wasn't."
I "Hush, not so loud,'" said the other,
i "he may not be asleep."
! "Not asleep !" exclaimed Plympton.
"If he ever wakes up. Hawkey, it will
i be when the lih are nibbling him at
the bottom of the Potomac. Why I
! put morphine enough in bis tea to
: make him sleep till doomsday, if yon
i don't want to be ft cannibal don't eat
i any cattish chowder for the next
; week," and the villian laughed at the
j joke.
I ' it seemed tliat my companion's
I name was not Simpson hut Hawkey.
and he replied as if reassured : "All
right. Bill, all right. I suppose there's
no hnrrv, so let's take another drink,
and thcii we'll get shut of that fellow.
I tell you, there's a pile of green-hacks
in that portmanteau of hi-n'n."
"At the mention ot another drink
the blear eyed sergeant pricked up his
ears and muttered with maudlin thick
ness ot speech : 'OmaHy, ccrually.
cernally, less habanurer whN glassky.
I'm dryer'n a fish."
"Don't drink no more, you Sykes,"
said Plympton, you're drunk now,
man. Eat something."
"Ohnme inner drink." persisted the
sergeant, "gimme a ham lager and a
beer sandwich. I've got work to do.
hain't 1?" say, hain't 1?" and he felt
the edge of a keenly-whetted sabre
bayonet on the bible before biro.
-Who but tue's going to dump the sack
into the river with a stone tied to it.
eh ? Who but me's going to cut hi
cussed wind-pipe if lie wakes up, eh ?
Gimme iinrer drink. I say?"
I was stricken mute with horror as
I knelt on the chill, liare lloor of the
chamber, and for a moment the sense
of the Impending danger so bewilder
ed me that 1 could neither think nor
move. The sell was transient, how
ever, for I qnlcklv rose, and. although
quite unarmed, resolved to defend my
life and tiie monev In my charge to tlie
but
But what eouui a singie, uuan 1-
ed man aeeomnllsh asralttst three burly
: assassins i I hniriedlr dressed myself
! and to affect an escape through a
I window was 111 v first thought, but 111
that. 1 was disappointed ; me wmmwi
was a trap, and had no window. My
only liope seemed daslied to the earth.
Almost at the same moment that I
made the disoovery, I heard them pre
paring to ascend the stairs. I seized
my portmanteau, and stood close by
the door; hoping to steal by them ill
the gloom when they should enter. It
was a moment of terrible anxiety to
me, and the stairs creaked and groan
ed under their weight, as if ringing
my death knell.
The creaking ceased.
The suspense of the moment was
fearful, and my very heart seemed to
cease its pulsations as I listened :
"Youfel's stnn' liere." muttered a
thick ami husky voice, "while I go in
and tickje his ribs a little."
"The next moment the door was
pushed open. It had no lock and the
sergeant passed me in the Cimmerian
darkness. Suddenly an idea thrilled
me like an electric-shock there was a
possibility of escaping ! Plympton and
llawiey were standing at the top of
the sia'irs, and I could distinctly hear
their heavy breathing, .and with the
courage which is horn of terror and
despair,.. I suddenly sprang upon the
man nearest me, and hurled him head
long down the stairway, and in his
descent, he struck his comrade, and
with a stunning crash both fell to the
bottom.
So unexpected was my attack, both
men were off their guard, A terrible
death struggle immediately ensued in
the darkness each thinking himself at
tacked bv his intended victim ; and
they hacked and mangled each other
witnineir knives, as they cursed and
writhed in the combat.
I sprang over tliem just in time to
escape the (all ot tlie sergeant, who
had missed his foothold hi hastening
to the assistance of his companions.
To ojien the door and fly from the
plape was the work of a moment.
Escorted by a brace of policemen, I
soon returned to tlie place. We found
Plympton dead, the knife of his friend
having pierced his heart ; while Haw
key was in a dying condition, being
literallv covered "with ghastlv wounds.
Tlie blear-eyed .sergeant was placidly :
slumbering' at the foot of the stairs,
with one arm artectloiiately embracing
the newelposf, and I doubt if he knew
whether he went to the station-house
in a corporation coach or a wheelbar
row ; but it is fair to presume that he
wilt become thoroughly awakeued.be
fore his sentence of twenty years at
hard labor in the Albany Penitentiary
hits expired.
"But how did you escape from the
poison ?" I inquired.
"Oh, very easily, indeed," he re
plied with a laugh, "I blush to ac
knowledge it, but at that time I was a
confirmed opium-eater, and. perni
cious as the habit certainly is, it saved
my life at Cat-Tail llow."
1 1 i .
CfLMlXATKt) CUKKK. A sharp
Yankee went into a country f$tore
Down East, and thus accosted the pro
prietor :
"Squire, do you trade?"
Considerable." wathe reply.
I mean, do you dicker?"
"Some ; what yer got to dicker?"
"A egg."
"What yer want for a egg?"
"Guess I'd like a darnin needle."
The required needle was dickered
for tlie egg, and tlie Yankee was
going away, wlien he returned and j
said :
"Squire, do you treat ?"
"Waal, I don't mind if I do," re
plied the storekeupejr.
They repaired to an adjacent tavern, j
and the usual Bourbon was pr ninced. j
"Hold on." said the Yankee, "my j
chest's weak, and I never take whisky
without a egg In In."
The generous shopkeeper handed j
him the dickered egg. hut Without i
asking him for his needle again. The J
Yankee broke the shell on the edgo of j
the glass, when he exclaimed:
"Ucewilikius! this egg's got twoj
yolks ! Guess yer orter gin me another
ilarnln' needle, Squire!'
. AUTAifSciroot.noY'sCoMi'osniox.
The following winposjtlon was re
centlv written bv a Utah schoolboy. .
A Bull Is a big aniniil and lives hap-1
pv hut tlie man who owns him don't j
always do so. My father has a texas j
Cow and gists drunk and larrups moth-1
er. UOOU nuns come irom .jmnwui ' su
does Grat Brown. A man wot ulut
got no Missouri bull Is out of luck ami
is a Greeley man. The bulls of Ba
shan was good bulls cause 1 learned
them in Sunday School they must
have come from Missouri because Lib
erty Is in Missouri and bulls has a
good deal of Liberty. Tlie liest bull
wot got the premium at tlie State fair
was a Texlcan Steer lots of bull peo
ple were awful mad cause their bulls
wasnt Texlcan Steers. Johiiuy
Thompsnu said his father ought to
have hail the first prlaj teacher said
he oughtn't to catem he didn't have a
texican Cow. Setting Bull is an lu-
.
A committee of investigation report
that the new jail in St. Louis cost the
county $li;0j&!nore than it 0 lgbt.
NO. 10.
Agriculture m a Fraud.
The basest fraud of earth is agricul
ture. The deadliest imus fatwu that
ever flittered to beguile, and dazzled
to betray, is agriculture. I speak
with feeling on this subject, for I've
lieeti glittered and beguiled and daz
zled and destroyed by this arch de
ceiver. She has made me a thousand prom
ises and broken every one of them.
She has premised me summer squash
es, and the worms have eaten them ;
winter squashes and the bugs have de
voured them.
She has promised me cherries, and
the cnrculto has stung them, and they
contain living things, uncomely to tlie
taste.
She has promised me strawberries,
and the young chickens have devoured
them, and the eve cannot see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the
old hens have encompassed them, and
the hands caiiiiot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed bis brother.
He was a tiller of the ground. The
wonder is that he didn't kill his Cither
and then weep because he hadn't a
grandfather to kill. No doubt his
Early Kose potatoes, for which he had
paid Allan) $7 a barrel, had Ihicii cut
down by bugs, from the headwaters of
the Euphrates. Ills Pennsylvania
wheat had been winter-killed, and
wasn't worth cutting. His Norway
oats had gone to straw, and would not
yield live pecks per acre, aud his black
Swinish watermelons had been stolen
by boys who tore up the vines, broke
down his patent picket fence and
wrote scurrilous doggerel all over Ms
hack gate. No wonder he felt mad
when lie saw Abel whistling along
with ids fine French merinoes, worth
$s a head and wool going up every
day. No wonder he wanted to kill
somebody, and thought he'd practice
on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not
at all surprising. He had become a
husbandman, lie bad thrown away
magnificent opiiortunities. He miglit
iiave had a monoioly of any protes
siou or business. Had lie studied med
icine there would not have been
another within a thousand miles to
call him "quack" ; and every family
would have bought a Iwtt'.e of "Noah's
Compound Kxtract of (Jopher Wood
and Anti-Deluge Syrup." As a poli
tician, be might have carried his own
ward solid, and controlled two-thirds
of the delegates in every convention.
As a lawyer he would have been retain
ed in every case tried at tlie Ararat
Quarter Sessions, or the old xrk High
Court of Admtrallty.
But he threw away all these advan
tages and took to Agriculture. For ft
long time the ground was so wet he
could rale nothing but sweet nag aud
bull rushes, and these at hist became
a drug in the market. What wonder
that when at last he did get half a peck
of grapes that were not. stung to death
by .fapbet's honey bees, he should
have made wine and drowned his sor
rowi in a "flying howl."
The fact is agriculture would demor
alize a saint. I was almost a saint
when I went into it. I'm at war with
every thing. I fight myself out ol bed
at four o'clock, when niy better nature
tells me to lie still until seven. I fight
myself into the garden to work like ft
brute, when reason and instinct tell
me to stay in the house iftid enjoy my
self like a" man. I fight the pigs, the
chickens, the moles, the birds, the
bugs, the worms everything In which
is tlie breath of life, l" tight the docks,
the burdocks, the mnllens, the thistles,
the grapes, the weeds the roots the
whole vegetable kingdom. 1 tight the
frost, the heat, the rain, the hail in
short I tight the universe, and get
whipped in every battle, I have 110 ,
more admiration to waste on the father
of George Washington for forgiving
the destruction of his cherry tree. A
cherry tree Is only a cureuiio nursery
Mid the grandfather of his country
knew it. I have half ft doaen cherry
trees, ami the day my young George
Washington is six years old, I'll give
hhii a hatchet and tell him to down
with every cherry tree on tlie place.
" A curiosity from tlie marine world
Is now to he seen la the shop of a
chemist. In bresdeii. It U the skele
ton of a giant sea-spider, hi an ex
ceedingly good state of preservation.
The body which is a quarter of a yard
long, rests upon eight long legs which,
when stretched out, cover with the
body, the space of a yard. Crab-like
claws, or long arms with joints, rise
above the head, aud give to the whole
a ghastly appearance.
Dr. Stlllman, who testifleoTto Mrs.
Knlr'8 Insanity, was asked If he hid
ever read Stobel on Insanity. He said
lie Imd, and was then told that there,
was 110 such author.
,;:., .;--. t
Tims,..