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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (March 29, 1872)
ALBANY, OREGON, MAIU'II 29, 1X72.
rUBMUIKD KVMEY SATl -KD.VY,
By COLL. VAX CLBVE,
IN REGISTER BUILDINGS,
Vortur Fnry and flrU Sift.
TERMS IS ADVANCE.
One year. Two dollars.
Six months...,. .. ts
Single copies lL"
Transient dvrttamM. !rrT."ra,'h
ten lines or loss. Ilrst nierllm ."
Jubismnent Imwrtlon 1. tai-gcr ;';
llsements inser.toa on the most liberal
,.l....,l nnW tviH' SlOOk Of COl
JSin. eardiU tr.ijtohtir. etc.. we
wwfW ll,, sl:'!;rri mJ. J
luff in ii lidtcr muntn'r, Mi l mi im i wmi
il&per 333 m btArf offered In this ;
Agent for the Bctflnter.
The following gentlemen are authorized
to receive and receipt for SMWewptloat,
advert Mas, etc., for the Rkbistek :
llinmi Mmitli, HwnrWwtR.
(), I'. Tompkins, Hamstmrg.
Peter It nine, Brim usvlllc.
W. It. Kirk, jlroWllSVlUo.
J. II. Irvine, Solo.
Ti it. Reynold! alel.
1, P. Kihcr, Sun Francisco.
It. I'. Porter. Shedd's Station.
Fletcher Jt Wells, llue.na Vista, Polk o
ciias. Kiekeu, Jacksonville.
1U SINKS CARPS.
I. ft. RM'H. M.
rhjHlclanml Surm:ii Albany. Or,
VFrtCK S Till; SOI Til stiir. "'' piai-
I street. April, i"."-.
ji. s. nv ioih
HAS ON HASH AND CONSTANTLY
reeoivlnji a large stock of
Jroeerle mid FrolfcM.
Wood and willow ware, tolmeco, cIrb
eonfeetionery, Vanki'e not ons etc e te , I
wholesaloand rulall, opposite lt.t.lini
don 'sdrnii Store, Ainany, Orogon. ivi
l. II, MIT: -n i t.i.. J- R tjfrvu'
MITOIIBIX DOLPII, j
Attorneys mid fonuaetom at i
iil.ltllTOKHINt'HASrEltY AMI l'BOt -n
tors In admlmlty. office over the old
isjst olec, Front street, Port laud, Oregon, j
'i.e. euwu.L. l.us.n.
POWELL & mSW,
Attorncyit und iuiM'lor nl l-i
AND sol.KiTOKS IN CIlASt'l-KY 0 j
riinn notarv milillci, Allskiij-, Oregon.
Colfeetions tiltti ninveyanees promptly at
tended to. I
K.H.CHAHOB. lll'MClinr. j
CBANOR & I1XMPRIIEY,
Attorui n ud I'lmnaellom 'a"
Offii In Parrish brick, Bp staliM. 5vl
GEO. W. BA, D. I. 8.,
i IBAIU'ATE OF CJM'IV
.T nail Ihintal College',
makes N.rrmt .'-wana Im
prr it S!'i!c.i ff I'laUxf'ir Ar-
........j r. ), 111., iI.m.m AI.I,
WOnC m tneiine Ol Ills mmmni . ...v j
liontand most apiiroved inetliod, and at as i
miHouahle tales as 'i D hail elHewhero. I
Nitrons Oxiilendmlnistercd for the pain- j
Hse-traetiotn)lteetli if desired. Ollioein .
PurrWh lirlck hlix-k, up siairs. Besloence
urst House soiituoicoutin.'j.'iuioiiui viiin.'",
front ing on court house lilock. Ji-ls
wTgioses, m. .,
OFFICE OS F1BST STREET, OS E door
west of Broiutalbln, in Bttrk hart's two
ftorvbrk-k (upstuirsi.over Geo. Tnrrcll's
tore. KKMIKKNCE-Corner Sixth and Fer
ry Utrecht, Albany, Oregon. ilfrTl
LEFFEL & MYERS' '
SI'HKKU AI, KI.ITMKS,
And Ueneral Mill Maebluery.
J. F. BACKEKBTO, Agent,
DOLLARS A WAV
TO MALE .VS11 FEMALE AGENTS,
To Introduce theeelehratcd
ItiH'k4') Sl'iiiiia MiU'ltliM'.
OTITCI1 ALIKE OS BOTH SIDES, AND
H the nlv shuttle sewing machine In the
i'nlted States licensed to use the celclirated
Wilson feed sold for less than $4I. and aek
now ledged bv all to Isi the Is'st laiully sew
log inafltfie, br light of llenv sewing, in
VUC mark!- 'Uflt fret-. Address
E. E. MlSElt A CO:, Oen. Agts.,
Ectebltoliev In 8M.
E. A. FrcvluiMl,
nEALKIt IN EVEBV V.MtlETV OF
mlseollaneona lHks, sehiHd lsioks,
blank books. Stationery. Books incjiorted
lo onler at short notice.
Albany, Dec. 3, 1S7(I.
TAM I'flKl'ABED TO DO AIJ. KLNDS
of turning; keep on hand and make lo
order niwhlde-ljettoniod chairs, and spin
aina wheels. Shop near tin; ".Magnolia
OHN M. METZI.EK,
Albany, Nov. 8, 1SUS-1
BANK I NO
O ' i
y k t i a iv
Dbposits pKCKUfisp siBJEcr to
check nt sight.
Interest allowed orttlmcdoposlfshicoin.
Exchange on Portluiid, Sun Kntnciwo,
: nd Sow Turk, for talc ttt lowest rates.
m W'-tyrbetMIeur -"bW ,
... rt i-Arf f
O, f,.()1)J g A. H. to 4 t', Jt j
I 'ollcctlons waiic nnu prompt iv reniitiun.
APiany, reb. 1, UHi-Kva
novKoi: & iTAia:n,
Monumenls, Obelisks, Tombs,
Ilcud und Foot Stone,
IIKAM'H HIOF AT A14UXT.
J. 1V.W. . B, CBA
DOW A CRAKE,
Etoots Sinn's, ami Fiiulings
INVITK THE ATTENTION OF THK
1 public to their full stock of the latest
styles in gentlemen's and youth's boots,
shoes, gaiters, Oxford ties, etc., etc., as well
as to the very latest thing out in the line
of ladies' aud misses' gaiters, lialmomls.
Newport ties, Antoinette buskins, und
many oilier new and fashionable styles,
just received at the City Hoot Store, wmcll
tbev will sell na rapidly as Ihey can Und
purchase! who wish flnrt-clnss goods at
the most reasonable rales. They respect
fully invite oii to nunc and see their
stock. Bikiis", shoes.ete., made or repaired
to order, und M work uun-onii.
CITY BOUT STOBE, KIK9T HTBEET,
Mritt door West of Bvctotc-r llnlld 'IS-
nwrr sthect, ai.basy, okkuon,
J. L. H A R RJpS i
rit.L ESDKAVOR TO IvKr.i' m.-
slantly on lianil a tun mippiy m
AM. KISDH OF MEATN,
Which will lie of the very best quality.
The highest market price paid for MeWi
hogs and slieeii. . ,
Third door west of Ferry, on south side
of First street. J. h I1AB11IS.
Albany, IH'C. IS, Wl-Kvl
J. C. MENDENHALL,
ALBAN Y, OBKOON.
RENTWOM.E0TED AS DT AXES PAID
for non-residents aud Others, making
out real estate iiapeni, etc. Offlce one door
nlmve telegraph offloo. SSvS
Albunjr Collegian- Inmitiitc,
A 1,1! AS V, ORHMIK.
'imiS INSTITUTION Wtt.I. BEOPEN ON
1 Monday, September 4, 1871, with a corps
of teachers cnntiblc and earnest. Instruc
tion will he thorough and practical, and
I he system of order unsuiid. For r-
B. K. WABBEN, A. M., President ;
Or, Key. E. K. UEABY. 1. P.. Awny,
The fife 1 The Earn !
JK. T. L. iOI.IEX,
Oentlat nnl Ars, Albny, Or.
DR. (iOI.DEN IS A
sun of the noted
Dr. (loMen has had
experience In treating
tl,.. m i, UK l1lat.lS4.S lO
which the eye and ear ifre subject, and feels
contldcnt ol giving entire sutislactlon to
those who may place themselves under his
care. April IS, W.
IX uany, anil is now ready
to wait on the eltlrensof Al-
Intention in diiuii wiefc It vonsMi in
SapTMrtMK tbeiiliiletotheuiouth without
eoverliiK the whole 'of, as heretofore
Those wishing arllllclnl teeth are recpiest.
e l to call and examine for tlwiusolves.
Also, plates mended, whether partially
broken orrtlvlded. Toeih, extracted w ith
nut pain. Oftlee over Turixill's store. All
work watnuited. 7vl
Tji M. WADSWOBTII will ulve prompt
l1 , nl tent kin to all orders for Pupcr
bniigUig, Calceiitlnhig, Decorating, Ac., in
this city or ylelnlty. All work executed
In the lirtest stvliv In the best iimnuor, and
at lowest living rales, gar-order left, nt
Furniture WareromnsoiClia". Menleywlll
receive prompt attention, Wvl
Weniiliig (he Baby.
We linvo hail a weaning over to our
. house. A lovely Italic ha lieen rudely
torn from its uiotlw". There hasu'6
I lieen any sleep in tlM nclglfborhooil
j for n week, mill all the cats, dogs and
English sparrows have fled in dismay.
Pleasant (Warn-1 and oiMaoiosof bliss
have tied. I everything! to Wire
I that we will scrape Indigo off the hack
! fence. This weaning business has dis
I turned the pence and quietness ota
quiet family wujs than ten o a ot he:.
ie. I tl rimer swauuw a noil
hitch the wire to tin engine
'. and sttlrl a telegraph alarm in
my stomach, than attend another sea
son of weaning. Young'uns don't
like to M ftt& d ; they donl -like to
1v separated IVoni the bosom of tlie
family, not nimbly. It all rune
about flaisly : I live with Mr. Spiflhis;
Mrs. Splffli'is la the majestic mother of
little SpifflVj its father Isold Spit-
nns. tailed old Nut, for snort, lust as
liltle Splfflns Is willed SptflV, for easy.
t , . , 1 ,
MflMN my room and
the SniU'mses. '1'lie kevhole leaks.
henee all the trouble. A ft male Wo
man, niotner of about a HoKefl elnl
thvn, call on Mrs. HpilTins and told
how shameful it was to miss that
n'tit big boy it was drawing on her
too much, any care aud anxiety would
put white streaks on her head, like
fat in a hunk of road. beef. She told
her If she dldtit wean him from the
maternal fount in less than six months
she u'ti'd scrub ujothes mi - her fore
head. 1'liiin she concluded to Wan
Hie little cuss, and it was the worst
Fcason of perplexing adulterated dis
tress ever experienced. It was
equal It) a good spell of misery and
woe, without any sweetening. A
man comes out of a season of weanlna
wt ss hau a rooster drowned in aswll
The lir-t thing that pious family did
was to lay in a barrel of super sul
phate of paregoric they lay in it, but
they lay it in. They got six dozen
bottles (if U iuslnw's syrup, tell pounds
of morphine, twenty, gum drops, and
eight poiiialsof alum, to shrink his
throat so lie couldn't yell ; then they
bought two cows that gave cow's
milk, another cow that gave con
densed milk, and another eow that
gave cream lor codec; tbcU they
bought a eow that itm't give any milk,
for company for the other cows. 1
told them that if they kept so many
cows Spilly would be a coward : but
Mrs. SpllHiis didn't appreciate the
joke. The dreadful night came. Lit
tle Spifty had his rations cut off; he
didn't like it, and I'll swear before
long I didn't like it either, aud 1 soon
w ished-lite lairt'Mdl'1 iMWi'reift off too.
The anvil choi us wasn't nowhere; it
j was worse than tlniugh my pillow had
been stuffed with live hull frogs; of
all the veils that ever brought sun-
shine to" the fireside this was tlie ell
oh-est from 10.15 p. in..
till 7 a. m.
it was one streak ot shriek, with here
and there a knot in it. where he would
raise his voice a little.
I laitl awake all night and murmur
ed cusses. In the next room things
were kinder mixed. Mi's. sfHflns and
Spif got to growling. Mrs. Spiflhis
cried and oltl Spif swore. Mrs. Spif
tins asked Spif if these were the gold
en dreams of her maideiihoood. Spif
said he didn't care a continental
tl d lor licr golden dreams, and
asked her if this was the peaceful man-
ner in which they were to glide down
the pathway of life together. Then
she told him If she hail married Smith,
i he would'nt have treated her so. Spif
i told her he wished to thunder she had,
, and old Smith had that yoiuig'uu to
i wean. Then Mrs, Spilllns began to
I ween, and told Snif how much sbe
: had suffered for him, and she said Ikt
' heart was breaking. Then, 1 think by
tlie sound, o!d Spit got up and took a
baud in exercising SpillV, for; I heard
a heavvfootnacini? tlie ifbor aH hitfht.
I Vt hen 1 hearjl the glassis jingle 1
knew that liltle Spilly was getting
tiaregorlc squirted down his throat ;
nit Spiff)- kept tip his yell. By Jalhis
Ctesar, I felt like cramming a live
lobster down his throat. Three nights
this thing was kept up. I didn't sleep
one wink. I lost ten pounds of flesh;
U ( could" lave got holt! of that little
cuss I'd losf another pfiiltitl I'd
pounded hi' hide so be wouldn't have
no hide and seek in him wlam lie grew
up. No more weaning matinees for
m Alter the tiling was an tnti, nicy
hromrhi Utile Sniffy down into tlie
I parlor, lie toughed and msI, and 1
will take my oatn, von wouin umiKi upw" uv 'tre.p"Jk "
that he never cried 'in his life. I'm in a whisper to Colonel Jim, "Hut
bk'sscd ekiil the job is done, Mid Ifev- alnt tlwse New Yorkers friendly?
er I have the Ion done on my own ac- Ami ain't they cool about it to? Ice
count, vou'll 'find this youth leaving bergs ain't anywhere. 1 reckon
town for a week ; for it is an awful job ! they'll ttole a hearse, If it was go ng
to wean a young'iiii, sure , their way. ' , .
, r I More passengers got In, more yet
A Hiiltiinore ladv who had Uen m1 sUJlyiora, Hoth scats were tilieil.
Kreatlfraiutoyed hv misejiitwous un it- and a tlld of nien Were siandittg up
ins wlto rang Is r itadr-laifi iVllien ho(emiats ceriead.
made off', made a had mistake one af- Parries with Imsketa ami bundles were
ternoon recently. She lay in wait for ; climbing up og Jic roof. Half siip
them, and soon came a step on the ; pressed laughter rljipled up from all
and a vigorous jera on the hell,
iod out, 'l see von. you liltle
I by the tSMt CrtllaK and .shotill him vfe; -
caught tne unresist n ill ugure
nnntsli':' When Mr' stretigth was
nearly exhausted, and hearse with ex-1
eltein'ent, she diseoveretl to her horror
that it was the diminutive minister of,
her church, very red in the face, and
very short for breath. An explana
An Ohio editor, who was crowdeiT at
the Xilssonjainat Cincinnati, truth-
fully writes: "1 thought my wile
liad tlw shariiest knees in Ohio, but
she ain't a cireiiuistaiiee to those Cuts
eitniatl girls! One of them pushed
her knee against mv leg, and it teels
as It liad liecn vaccuutted.
The following extract Is from Mark
Twain's new book, entitled "Hough
ing it," now In process of publication.
It Is an timiisjhfr. illustration of a back
settler's view of New York lite :
In Xevada there used to be current
tlie story of an adventure of two of her
nabobs which may or may not liave
i c ttijija. ,1 give it for Wiwt'lt Is Wortl .
Colonel .Tim had seen somewhat of
the world, ami knew more or less of
its way ! hut Colonel .lack was from
the laiek settlements of the States, had
led a life of arduous toil, and had nev
er seen a city. These two, blessed
with smitten wealth, projected visit
to New York Colonel Jack to see tlie
sights, and Colonel Jim to guard his
imsoplilstietition from inistortiiue.
They incited San Francisco W the
night and salted In the morning. Ar
riving in New York, Colonel Jack
T've Iard tell of carriages nil my
life, and now 1 mean to have a ride hi
one; I don't care what it costs. Come
f They stepped out on the sidewalk,
Ml Colonel Jim called a stylish bar
iiuche. Hut Colonel Jack said :
"No, sir! None of your cheap-John
turnouts for me. I'm here to have a
food time, and ' mAncy ain't any ob
ject. I mean to have tlie noblest rig
that's going. Now here comes the
very tvh, Fgop that yaller one with
the pictures on it don't you fret I'll
stand all the expenses myself."
So Colonel Jjin slopped an empty
omnibus, and they got in. Said Col
onel Jack :
"Ain't it gay, though? Oh. no, r
taokoli not) Cushion, and windows,
and pictures till you can't rest. What
would tlai hoys say if they could see
in cutting a swell like this in New
York? My George, 1 wish they could
Then he put his head out of tlie win
dow anil shouted to the driver :
'Say, Johnny, this suits me! suits
yours truly, you bet ! I want this she
bang all day. I'm on it, old man!
Let em out! Make 'em go! We'll
make it all right with yon, sonny!"
The driver passed his hand through
the strap hole and tapjied for his fare
it wtis before the gongs came in
common use. Colonel Jack took the
hand, and shook it cordially. He Willi:
"You twig me, old iiard ! All right
between gents. Smell of that and see
how you 'like it!"
And lie put a twenty dollar gold
piece into the driver's hands. After a
moment the driver slid he could not
Hotherfhe change! Ride U out.
Put it in your isieket."
1 he omtuims stopped and a young
I av got. in. wnonei .wok stansi mr
a moment, then nudged Colonel Jim
i with his elbow,
"Don't say a word," he whinnered.
i "lAt ncr riue ii sue wants to. i.ra-
clous, there's room enough.
The Jfotuig laiiy gtit out her porte
mouimle aim hautUsl her fire to Col
"Wlait's this for?" said he.
"Giwj lt tolhe driver, please.''
" Take back your money, mudame
V'e can't allow it. You're welcome
to ride here as lone as you please, but
this sliebang's ehttrtered, we shan't let
; von nay a cent."
i TIhj girl shrunk into a corner. le-
wildered. An old lady with a basket
climbed in, and proffered her fare,
I "Excuse me," said Colonel Jack,
"You are perfectly welcome here,
madame, but we can't allow you to
! pay. Set right down there, 'mum,
and don't you be the least uneasy,
Make yourself as free as if you was in
vonr own turnout."
I Within two minutes three gentle-
ifhtntwo fat wtinen, and a couple of:
I "Come right along friends," said
! colonel Jack: "don't mind us. This
Is a free blow oet." Then hewhis -
nered to Colonel Jim, "New York
ain't up sociable place, I don't reckon
ain't no naroa.for It."
He resisted every effort lo pass fares
to the driver, ami made everybody
cordially welcome. The situation
dawned on the people, and they pock
eted tlieir money, and delivered them
selvcs up to covert enjoy n lent of the
episode. Half a dor.cn more passen
"Oil, there U plenty oOoma," said
Colonel Jack. "Walk riebt In and
make yourself at home. A blow-out
UWt awtlilng as a blow-out,
Well, for clean, cool, out and out
; evvr.aw. I'm-au Injun, "' whlsperetl
chccK, 11 mis lion i iiang nut iiiiug ui.n
A Chinamen crowded his way ill..
"I weaken," said Colonel Jack.
"Hold on, driver! Keep your seats,
Indies and gents. Just make your
selves free everything's paid for.
these folks around Jim
as long as they're a mind to go
friends of ours, you know, lake them
everywhere ; and if you want more
money come to the St. Nicholas, and
we'll make it all right. Pleasant
jounicy to you, ladies and gents ; go it
! just as long as you please-it shun t
cost you a cent,-'
The two comrades got out, and Col
onel Jack said "Jimmy. It's tlie so
clahlest place I ever saw. The China
man waltzed In as comfortable as
anybody. If we'd staid awhile 1 rwk
on we'd liad some niggers. B'George.
We'll have to barricade our doors to
night, or some of tlMise ducks will be
trying to sh-cp with trs." J
Doubt less there aru yet many of the
early settlers of this Slate who' remem
ber tlie remarkable whiter of l&UKII,
familiarly known to tla?m as the win
ter of the "deep snow," wlien the
snow fell throughout tlie northern
border counties of the State to- UK
depth of three feet. The Whiter was
the longest ami severest ever known in
Illinois, thus caiidng an unusually
heavy draft, upon the supply of corn
produced by the farmers upon tl! cen
tral frontier counties, most of whom
were newcomers of only one, two or
three years' residence In the state.
This severe aial long winter was fol
lowed by a remarkably lute and back
ward spring, severe frosts being fre
quent until tlie middle of May, so thai
there was little or no corn planted m
the state in the year 18,'H, north of
Jefferson county, until in June. This
late spriiii; was followed by a heavy
and killhur frost, ou the night of tlie
10th of September. Kll. which tlitl
considerable damage to the lute crops
throughout, the state, but so complete
ly ruined all tlie corn north of the
thirty-eighth parallel that it was
wholly worthless except lor wintering
cattle. Hence the year lSJ'JI was the
great "corn famine" in the early his
tory of Illinois ; all tlie prairie coun
ties, in fact the entire .state north of
thirty-eight latitude hud not produced
sound corn enough tlw year before to
plant their farms hi ls.l.'i, therefore,
.all their corn for every purpose had to
be brought from some oilier region.
Com was shipped by the Mississippi
and Illinois rivers aud supplied to the
adjoining counties at two dollars per
bushel, where it laid sold in Ktl at
ten cents per bushel. The counties in
the extreme southern part ot the state,
commencing with Jefferson, and the
counties east aud. west of It on the
same latitude, and including all the
C0iutts lying south of them, owing to
the peculiar arable and sandy charac
ter ol the soil, their southern latitude,
anil absence of large prairies, were
comparatively free from tlie effects of
tlie late spring and early frosts of 1881,
tlteir crops being usually good. So
that while com in the central northern
frontier of counties which were then
Shelby, Macon, Motifonlrr, etc-.,
could only be had in limited quanti
ties at t-1 and 4 per barrel, it could
he bought hi the lower counties at
twenty-five cents per bushel ; tlie re
sult was that from the loth of April to
tlie last of June, ISIKI. there was not
let than a thousand wagon loads of
com taken from the counties of Jeffer
son, Hamilton, Franklin then includ
ing Williamson), Gallatin (then in
cluding Saline), Johnson anil other
er southern counties into the counties
of Clinton, Fayette, Montgomery,
Macon. Shelby and other counties in
that region. This corn was bought up
by s'ich farmers of those countries as
had teams sufficient to h u it, and
transported in .vngous. 'Haw corn
buyers generally trave!e l in compa
nies of from three to six or eight wag
ons together aud as they bought out
the com in one county so as to cause
the price to advance to forty or fifty
cents per bushel, tlie next caravan or
company would travel still further
south to where the corn was still
cheap, until many of them enetrattsl
Johnson and other counties, bordering
on tlie Ohio river,
These good people, after traveling
such a distance, from corn so plenty
and te he hml for their money, and
. being familiar, its the event shows.
with the Bible story of the ten sons of
Jacob going down Into Kgypt for
corn, they originated tlie facetious an
swer to those interrogated then as to
their destination : "We are going to
Kgypt for corn" or, "We have heard
that there was corn In Kgypt. and we
have come to buy for ourselves and
little ones" (for at that date corli was
the staff of lite In Illinois. This was
the true origin ol (he term and the
cause of SoutWrii IHIimla being called
COBdiLAHY.Thc legislature hav
ing appropriated flooo to be used in
encouraging wine and brandy growing,
had also the Sntne sagacity to enact a
law allowing San Fraud -co to expend
(10,000 In enlarging and Improving
the home for Inebriates. The propor
tion herein suggested is good ; It is a
fair estimate to stfppose that for every
dollar spent hi tlie encouragement of
drunkenness It will demand at least live
dollars to-curc It. We give the Legis
lature credit for one sharp bit. A'escite.
' -t. . '
Nearly live, hundred thousand pounds
of venison have been ahiped from St. -Tatil
According to General Fleasanton,
who collected the tax on them, there
wis l,S$!.24o.OOO cigars used in the
l.'uited States last vear.
The Kentucky Republican Conven
tion nominate John M. Harlan of that
state for Vico-l'resiiluiit on the ticket
Iowa last fall purchased upward of
200,000 small maple trees ot Mtcni-
The desertions from the army
amount to ten thousand a year..
A little boy was lisping hfs
prayers with his twin brother at his
mother's knee. When he came to
"Give us this day our daily breaW,"
he was astonished to liour a fraternal
whisper, "Ask for cake, Johnny, ask
A temperance editor, in calling at
tention to an article against anient
spirits In oneof his papers, says : "For
the effects of Intemperance.' see our
"Sir," said an Irate little gentleman,
of about fiair feet eleven inches "I
w in d have you know, sir, that I was
well brought up!" tlie other looked
town on Ulm.- 'Toillfly.,, lie said
"but you haven't been hrinuW i nn.
Two Michigan youths called upon H
sweet girl and maile a rather protravb.
ed stay, but when the heavy father
came down and threw a pall of water
In tlie stove thtvy took It as a hint tliat
It was time to go. and stood not on tlie
order of their going.
Why Is "i" the most happy vowel?
Because It Is In the inUlst of bliss. "E"
is in hell, and all the the rest are in
"Talk about the jaws of death!"
exclaimed a man who was living wills
his third scolding wife; "I tefl you
they're no touch to the jaws of life V
A schoolmistress was trying to teach
a class of four and flve-year-olds the
names of the days of the week. After
practicing them awhile she asked a
llve-yenr-old girl, "Whntdny ischi'sf'"
"Washing-day, was the quick reply.
"Why don't you hold your head as
I do?" said an arl-tocmt to a sterling
old farmer. "8 tiire, " was the reply,
"look nt that field of grain. You nee
that all the heads flint have nothing In
them stand upright."
The following congratulatorv tele
gram was received from C'claiiati by
a wetiinng party in .tasnviiie : "um
gratitlatiotis on your nupitials. May
your future troubles be only Uttle
A Georgia darkey, to whom Senator
Sumner's supplementary civil rights,
bill was explained, characteriised it asr
a trap to kill fool niggers. "Yon see,
sah. some fool nigger will go to tlie
Pulaski house an' jlss set hisself down,
by a white man, an' dc white man
will jiss fro ilat ar nigger out ob da
window an' break his neck."
Two young ladles In Greenwich,
Conn., last week thought to nlay a
joke upon their father by rtresshig'-ns
men aim ringing at lite door auri abus
ing the servant (by agreement with,
her.) It didn't take long for tlie fath
er to step out and kick one of the ,"men
off the piazza down four or live steps
to the ground. The other begged for.
"You'll grow up ngly If you inaka
faces. " said a maiden to her niece
"Did yon make faces when you wa ft
girl, aunty ?"
A Quaker and a Baptist were travel
ing together in a stage-coach. Tho
latter took every opportunity of ridicu
ling the former on account of his re
ligious profession. At length thev
came to a heath where the body ofiv
malefactor, lately executed, was hang
ing in chains on a gibbet. "I wonder
now." said the Baptist, "what relig
ion this man was of?" "Perhaps,
replied tlie Quaker, coldly, "he was
Baptist, ami tliey have hung him up to.
"Mother." said a little bov. Iv'e trot
a bail headache, and a sore throat, too, n
Well, sonny, yon shall have soma
medicine," "It's no matter, ma
Iv'e got "em fast enough, but they
don't hurt mo!"
A Mrs. McICnight. living ttl Detroit,
went out a short time, leaving her
boy, five years old, in charge of a
neighbor's girl, aged ten. antl during
her absence the boy was allowed to.
draw the tea kettle around the kitchen
as a liorse. After eating their dinner
McKnight ami his wife were suddenly
taken sick called a doctor, and were
still quite unwell in the evening. Tim
doctor made an examination of tin? tea
kettle and found In it two or three
spools of thread, one of the mother's
rubbers, a siooii and three woolen
raff, placed, there by tlie youngster,
aiid lioiled up by the housewife..
A naughty hoy. being told by Kn
mother that Got! would not forgive him
if ho did something, hnswereil. Yes,
lie would, too; God likes to forgivti
little boys that'a what He's for."
In a French court recently as a-witness
was about to give his 'testimony,
tin1 advocate remarked : "I wish to
rmark to tlie court that this wltnes
is entitled to entire confidence, as be
has not bad time to consult his lawyer.
A short time since, Mr. Stone, aeon
duct or ou the Central Railroad, while
collecting fares, came to a man sitting
uiiitletlup in a cloak, and demanded
his fare. "How much to Jackson V"
asked the unified man. Two dollars
and twenty-five cents, "All! that's
more tlum Iv'e got; don't you some
times carry folk for less wbeu the?
are poor, or sick, and unfortunate ?
"Yes," "Well, then you had better
take half price for tne; you see Iy'e
lost tlie use of both my bauds !" hold
ing them up encircled by liandeuffs !
Stone looked round, and observed two
police officers sitting behind Mm In
tlulgiiig in a quiet smile athls expense.
The total population of Rome is twi
hundred and fifty thousand.
An exchange say? Ffsk has heen.
heanl from. He want liN thin clothes..