The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, September 04, 1869, Image 1

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    VOL. 1.
NO; 52,
now Smith asked the Old Man.
Smith bad just asked Mr. Thompson's
daughter if she would give him a lift out
of bachelordom, and she had said "Yes.
- ; ; It therefore became absolutely neccs
sary to get the old gentleman's permis
sion, so, as Smith said, the arrangements
might be made to hop the conjugal twig.
' Smith said he'd Tether pop the inter
rogatory te all of old Thompson's daugh
ters, and his sisters, and his lady cousins,
and his aunt Hannah in the country, and
the whole of hia female relations,' than
ask old Thompson. But it had to be
done, and so he sat down and studied out
a speech which he was to disgorge at old
Thompson the Tory first time he got a
hy at him. So Smith dropped in on
one Sunday evening, when all the family
had meandered around to meeting, aod
found him doing a sum in a beer-measure.
: "How are you, Smith Ve said, old
Thomnsnn. as th former walked in. 'white
,.. , j ..
as a piece of chalk and trembling as if
he had swallowed a condensed earthquake.
Smith was afraid to answer, 'cause he
wan't sure about that speech. lie knew
lie had to keep his grip on it while he
had it there, or it would slip from him
quicker thin an oiled eel through an
angur-hole. So he blurted out :
"Mr. Thompson, Sir : Perhaps it may
not he unknown to you, that during an
extended period of five years I have been
busily engaged in the prosecution of a
commercial enterprise"
"Is that so, and keepin' it a secret all
this time, whila I thought you were tend
in store ? "Well, by George, you're one
of 'em, ain't you ?"
Smith had begun to think it all over
again, to get the run of it. , -
"Mr. Thompson, Sr.K. Perhaps it may
not be unknown to you, that during the
extended period of five years I hare been
busily engaged in the prosecution" of a
'commercial enterprise, with the determi
nation to secure a eufficient maintenance"-
"Sit down, Smith, and help yourself
to beer. Don't stand there, holding your
hat, like a blind beggar with paralysis.
1 never have seen you behave yourself so
queer in all my born days."
Smith had been knocked out again,
and so he had to wander back again and
take a fjresh start.
"Mr. Thompson, Sir : It may not be
unknown to you, that during an extended
period of five years I have been engaged
in the prosecution of a commercial enter
prise, with the determination to secure a
sufficient maintenance" I
"A wbatenance ?" asked old Thomp
son ; but Smith held on to the last word
as if it was his only chanco, and went on :
"In the hope that some day I might
enter wedlock and bestow my earthly
possessions upon one whom I could call
my own. I have been a lonely man, sir,
and have felt that it is not good for man
to be alone j therefore I would" :
. "Neither is it, Smith j I'm glad you
dropped in. How's the old man ?" .
"Mr. Thompson, "Sir," said Smith, in
despairing confusion, raising his voice to.
a yell, "it may not be unknown to yon,
that daring an extened period of a lonely
man, I have been engaged to enter wed
lock, and bestowed all my enterprise on
one whom I could determine to be good
for certain possessions no, I mean that
is that Sir. Thompson, Sir : - It may
. not be unknown"
"And then, again, & may. Look here,
Smith ; you'd better lay down and take
something warm j you ain't well." :
Smith, sweating like a four year old
colt, went in again :
"Mr. Thompson, Sir : It may not be
lonely to you to prosecute me whom you
a friend, for a commercial maintenance,
but but eh dang it Mr. Thompson,
Sir: It" . .
"Oh, Smith, you talk like a fool. I
'have never seen a more first-class idiot in
the course of my whole life. What's tho
matter with you, anyhow ?"
. "Mr. Thompson, Sir," said Smith, in
an agony of bewilderment, it may not be
' known that you prosecuted a lonely man 1
Who is not good for a commercial period
of wedlock for some five years, but'
See. here, Mr. Smith, you'te -drunk ;
and if you can't behave better than that,
you'd better leave. If you don't, I'll
chuck you out, or I'm a Dutchman."
( "Mr. Thompson, Sir," said Smith,
frantic with dispair, "it may not bo un
known to you that my earthly possessions
are engaged to enter -wedlock five' years
with a sufficiently lonely man, who is not
good for a commercial maintenance
"The deuce he isn't. Now, you 'just
git up and git, or I'll knock what little
brains out of you you ve got left."
With that, old Thompson took Smith
and shot him into 'the street as if he'd
run him against a locomotive going at
the rate of forty miles an hour. Before
old Thompson had time to shut the front
door, Smith collected his legs and one
thing and another that were lying around
on the pavement, arranged himself iu a
vertical position, and yelled out :
4t'Mr. Thompson, Sir : It may not be
known to you" which made the old
man so wretched mad that he went out
and set a bull terrier on Smith before he
had time to lift a brogan, and there was
a scientific dog fight, with odds in favor
of the dog, lor he had an awful .hold for
such a small animal.
Smith afterward married the girl, and
lived happily about two nronths. At the
end ot that time, he told a confidential
friend that he would willingly take more
trouble and undergo a million more dog
bites to get rid of her.
Yakima Indian- Agency. The fol
lowing paragraph in relation ; to Father
Wilbur and the Yakima . Indian Agency,
taken from Wednesday's Unionist, we
heartily endorse. We do not believe
there is a man living who can better fill
the position recently occupied by Father
Wilbur at Yakima. The Indians love
and respect him, and his peer in honesty
and every characteristic that makes the
true man, doesn't live therefore there
was no plausible excuse for his removal :
General Grant rather missed it when
he removed Father Wilbur from , the
Yakima Indian Agency, and put a mili
tary gentleman in his place. There are
few as distinterested men or better
Christians extant than this reverend and
stalwart pioneer Methodist, who has the
energy and business tact to have succeeded
in making money, if that had been his
object, i or of achieving distinction in
public life, if he had been ambitious, for
he had the personal qualities to com
mand it. lint Father Wilbur devoted
himself to the general good, and as a
minister of the gospel, he worked with
his hands as well as with his mental
powers. We used to see him hauling
timbers with an ox-team, in , 1850, to
build the Portland Academy, and he was
as ready on the Sabbath with a sermon as
he was week days with the ox-goad.
When he devoted himself to the work of
preaching to the Indians at Yakima, he
did so with. his whole soul, and with no
speculative intention j and when he was
appointed Indian Agent, ne strove to
benefit the Indians, not to enrich him
self. To replace sdeh a man with some
inexperienced - military officer, on the
poor plea of. doing the Indians a service
and prevent them from being swindled,
was unwise, for the military officer who
attempts to succeed him will find it diffi
cult to convince his charge that his pre
decessor was not a better man. '
A Divided House. There seems to
be a prospect that Mormon ism will des
troy itself. A war has broken out- at
Salt Lake between Brigham Young and
Alexander and David Smith, sons ot the
first Mormon prophet. At a Josephite
meeting on the 11th instant, Alexander
Smith characterized Brigham . Young's
system as the vilest iniquity that ever blur
red the earth. ' All we have to Bay, is, let
the war go on. If the factions will eat
each other up, "Kilkenny like, our coun
try will be rid of a semi-religious nui
sance which may cause the Government
trouble to root out. Our sympathy is
therefore .with the Smith Jamily, hoping
it may absorb Brigham Young and then
destroy itself. ' A house divided against
itself must fall. Down with Brigham,
and then down with the Smiths ! .
The New York World says : A Chi-
gUIUV Vlglll wip . w.A. mwm auuy 0
said to have just arrived in this country.
We advise that he be engaged as Super
intendent of Police in San Francisco, to
protect hia fellow countrymen from the
An Unfortunate Widow.
Sol. Smith related the following odd
occurrence during his peregrinations in
Georgia: !
.Between Caleba Swamp and Line
Creek, in the "Nation," we saw a consid
crable crowd gathered near a drinking
house, most of them seated and smoking.
We stopped to see what was the matter.
It was Sunday, and there had been a
quarter race for a gallon of whisky. -The
first thing I noticed on alighting was the
singular position of one 3f the horses of
the party. He was kneeling down and
standing on Ms - hinder feet, his head
wedged in' between the en da of two logs
of a grocery, and he was stone dead,
having evidently run directly against the
building at full speed, causing the house
the house to partially fall.
About five paces from the horse lay
the rider, quite senseless, with a gash in
his throat which might have let out a
thousand lives. As I said, most of the
crowd were seated and smoking.
"What is all this ?" I inquired. "What
is the matter here ?"
"Matter?", after awhile answered one
in a drawling voice, giving a good spit,
and refilling his mouth with a new quid.
"Matter enough ; there's been a quarter
race." -. ,
"But how came this man and horse
killed ?" I asked.
."Well," answered the chewing and
spitting gentleman, "the man was con
siderably in liquor, I reckon, and he ran
his hoss chuck agiinst the house, and
that's the whole on it."
"Has a doctor been sent for?" inquir
ed one of our party.
"I reckon there ain't mueh use of doc
tors here," replied another of the crowd.
"Burnt brandy would not save either of
them, man or hoss." j .-.,.,,.
"Has this man a wife and children ?"
inquired I. :
"Ne children that I knows "on," an
swered a femalo who was sitting on the
ground a short distance from the dead
man, smoking composedly. ;
"He has a wife, then," I remarked.
"What will be her feelings when she
learns the fatal termination of this moat
unfortunate race?" j .
" "Yes," sighed the female, "It was an
unfortunate race. Poor man, he lost the
whisky!" ;
"Do you happen to know his wife ?
Has she been informed of the untimely
death of her husband 1" ; were my next
inquiries.' '" " " '
"Do I knew her? has she been inform
ed of his death ?" said the woman.
"WellI reckon you ain't acquainted in
these parts. 1 am the unfortunate wid
der." .
Perilous Sleep. The Union of the
11th inst., says that about eleven o'clock
A. M., on Sunday last, as the westward
bound freight train of the Central Pa
cific Railroad was traveling along a short
distance this side of Secrettown bridge,
a man was discovered sitting on one of
the rails, not far ahead of the engine,
fast asleep, with his head between his
knees. An attempt was made to stop
the train, but before it could bo done the
pilot of the locomotive Growler struck
and knocked the man from the track,
causing him to roll down the embank
ment.' The - train was backed up, and
the unfortunate individual looked after.
Being '' covered with dirt, ' somewhat
bloody, t nd apparently unconscious, he
apparafinortally wounded. As ' en
gineer took occasion to say that he must
have been a ' , fool to make1 his bed
on ' a 1 railrcad "track; anyway. ' He had
scarce , finished the remark, however,
betore the supposed to be as good as-a
dead man jumped up and declared his
ability J to . whip v any ; man wTio would
insult him. Having thus found his voice,
the man soon convinced those present
that he was not much hurt, though quite
drunk. - ; .
A party of Chinese going to Truckee
uwrnu MlVUgtt BUM
among other trans had a household god
a wooden Joss. '' ;:The Union congratu
lates the godless Truckeeans ; suggesting
that a wooden god will be a great im
provement oq the lormer condition of the
adult ftnnad in tfi KT...r?. T1 " flm
eterv. came to thair death -)tv - violent or
unnatural means.
a Brigham Young says he will confine
himself to one woman, if every member
of Congress will do the same. . "
. A Real Herd A Scene at Sea,
Two weeks ago on board an English
steamer a little ragged boy,' aged nine
years, was discovered on the fourth day
of the outward voyage from Liverpool
to New lork, and carried before the first
mate, whose duty it was to deal with such
-cases. When questioned as to the object
of his being .stowed away, and who
brought him on board, the boy, who had
a beautiful sunny face and eyes that look
ed Tike the very mirrors of truth, replied
that his stepfather did it, because he.
could not afford' to keep him, nor pay his
passage out to Halifax, where he had an
aunt who was well off, and to whose
house he was going. The mate did not
believe the story, in spite of the winning
faco and truthful accents of. the boy.
He had seen too much of stow aways to
be easily deceived by them, he said ; and
it was his firm conviction that the boy
had been brought on board and provided
with food by the sailors. , The little fel
low was very roughly handled in conse
quence. Day by day he was questioned
and requestioned, hut always with the
same result, v He did not know a sailor
on board, and his father alone had secre
ted him and given him the food which
he ate. f "-:". V '
At last the mate,; Wearied by the boy's
persistance in the same , story, and per
haps a little anxious to inculpate the
sailors, siczed him one day by the collar
and dragging him i to the fore, told him
that unless he confessed the truth in ten
minutes from that time ; he would hang
him on the yard arm. ne then made
him sit down uqder it on tho deck. All
around him were the passengers and sai
lors of the midday watch, and in front of
him stood the inexorable mate, with his
chronometer in his hand, and the other
officers of the ship by his side. It was
the finest sight, said our informant, that
we had ever beheld to seo the pale,
proud, scornful face of that, noble boy,
his head erect, his beautiful eyes bright
through the tears that suffused them.
When eight minutes had fled, the mate
told him he had but two minutes to" live,
and advised him to speak the truth and
save bis life but he replied, with the
utmost simplicity and sincerity, by ask
ing the mate if he might pray.
The mate said nothing, but nodded his
head, and turned as pale as a ghost, and
shook with trembling like a reed with
the wind. And there, all eyes turned on
him, this brave and noble little . fellow,
this poor waif from society owned not,
and whose own stepfather, could not care
for him there he knelt with, clasped
hands and eyes upraised to Heaven,
while he, repeated audily the Lord's
Prayer, and prayed the dear Lord Jesus
to take him to heaven.
Our informant adds that then and there
occurred tf scene as of Pentecost. Sobs
broke' from strong, haid V harts, as the
mate" sprang forward to the ' boy and
clasped him to his bosom, and kissed him
and blessed him, and told him how sin
cerely he no believed his story, and
how glad he was that he had been brave
enough to face death and be willing to
sacrifice his life for the truth of his own
word. 7 ... ; ,
Perished or Famine and Thirst.
F. G. McDonald, under date of July
26th. writes to the Sherman town (White
Fine) Telegram, irom his camp at the
McDonald salt ranch, in Nye ' county
(Nev.), that on the day f previous a man
was found by a gentleman named Bas
fbrd, in sv- dying condition, near 5 Mc
Donald's station. When found he was
still able to speak and to swallow a little,
bat was past all helpj and died at sun
down.. When found he stated that he
was lost, and bad been! unable to get up
for three days. His name, from a letter
found upon him, was supposed to be
William H. Woodbridge. He was a
man about forty years of age. r He was
probably en the way firom White Pine to
Reveille District, and died for want of
food and" water. He passed within three
hundred yards of plenty of water, in full
sight of the road, but was probably so
crazed he did not know anything about
it. "He was properly buried by the men
at the salt marshy
,-irv' .... j i . ' . '. .
Ex-Attorney General -Evarts is the hap
py father of thirteen children, among
whom are two pair of twins', i '
; The Catholic priest at Klein Zell, a
celebrated holy place Con the Continent,
has turned Protestant and married.
Amwingi Railhoae Incident:
Scene A railroad depot train? ; about
to depart engine bell ringing for" Iher
last time conductor cries "Alf aboardf V
A, yell heard down the road-, leading to
the village horse attached to a lumber
wagon coming at a heavy gallop boy driv
ing and laying on the lash man' standing
up and swinging his hat aud yelling, " Hold
on with them keers I" hair trunk with'
brass nails in back end of wagon bobbing
up and down, standing on its head and
throwing flip-flaps. Conductor holds or
a minute uiaa with white hat jumps out
before the trunk reaches the platform
jams his hat on bis head, side to front
grabs hair trunk and rushes for- the
"keers" trunk pitched into baggage car
and white hat tumbled aboard by several
accommodating individuals on ' the plat
form as the train moves away.
White hat, disheveled, out of breath
and perjpiring, drops into a seat by the
side of a crusty-looking passenger who is
reading a paper.
, White hat "Whew! right smart
chase they gave me. Reukon this train
is ahead of time ; ain't it sir ?" '
Crusty "Humph ! 'Do know."
White hat -"Hurried so I hadn't time
to check my hair trunk. Think it's safe
'thout one of the thingum-bobs onto it,
hey ?" ' -
. Crusty (shrinking deep into his coat
collar and drawing impatiently away) -"Can't
say!" . .
White hat (determined to make him
self agreeable "Live fur round here ?"
Crusty (very gruff)--"No !" ;
White hat "Been . traveling long ?"
Crusty (burying himself still deeper in
his paper) "No, I ain't." "
White hat(peeriog carefully at Crusty's
paper) "I see you are reading the New
York Jlerald. Up in our parts we think
MrGreelcy's paper about right. Ever
read the Tribune ?"
. Crusty (very snappish) 'No; wipe
my feet on the Tribune."
- White hat (taking a big chew of tobac
co) "Well, stranger, you just keep on
reading the Herald and wiping yoarvfeet
on the Tribnne, and your feet'll know
more than your head does !"
Crusty gathered himself up with a
growl and made lor another seat, amid
the laughter of the passengers.
A Through Car to the Pacific
Ocean. The next best thing to travel
ing to San Francisco in a Pullman palace
ear, is a trip to the Hudson River Depot
to inspect the one which ran through
from the Golden Gate last week. It is
on exhibition there previous to its depart
ure for another through trip on Saturday
next, and if one wishes to obtain a clear
idea of the luxury of modern travel, he
should by all means take a look at the
"Wasatch." : By paying a small sum,
$24,. extra, one can start in a Pullman
palace at the Atlantic, dine en route on
all the . luxuries which . the temperate
zone produces, sleep on down, or what is
far better this wearjier, on a superior
spring mattress, and land a week later
on the Pacific, refreshed and invigorated,
and with a very profound contempt for
those who ride in common chaises, or the
old style sleeping, coaches of a year or
two ago. New York Timet, . July
How to Can Corn. The , following
receipt for putting up corn for winter
use will .be found valuable : 'Boil ,lt fif
teen minutes on the ear ; then, dry .the
grain an hour in pans io tho warm . sun
shine ; next salt it just as much as will for the tabid, fill in tin cans;
leaving half an inch of space; put a gill
or so of water in each can, and leave an
aperture about the size Of a pin ia the
cover, f x the escape of the gas then
place the tins in a kettle, havinar just
enough, water to reach 'within half an
inch of the top of the cans; then boil
moderately three-quarters of ad hour,
and then solder up tho . vent. , The corn
will keep perfectly sweet and good as
long as required.
A man named P. Lamber, living near
Canton, Mo., attempted to swim across
the creek with his little boy upon his
back a few days ago. Beth were drown
ed. A man named Rogers attempted to
save them, and he was also drowned.
Excursion tickets around the world.
via Pacific Railroad, are to i be sold in
New York in a short time, at about 51-,
ir rr . ww . . , '
ow. v oat wouia our lathers I have
thought of excursion tickets around the
world I J .,
Russia sends a Commissioner ta Rnmi.
to see how great an advantage commer
cially the canal is to be.
. Reader, did yon ever enjoy the ecstatic5
bliss of eoortiog 7 ., If yott dTdVt, then?
get a little gat-aw-try,
Tber areftge length of a potter's fife" ia
twenty-nine1 years. After that" he be
eomes cfey-,
Here's te- internal inrprovemenfs, as'
Dobbs said when- be BwaHewed a deee ef
saltan . :'.'
Motto for tne gheriff Kander tmto
seizor this things which are seizor's. . "
i Is there any ihivg in Ike world that
can- beat a good Wife ? ' Yes badh-us-)
MVhut fsnd of nXt the TssfdW &o ttc Kfce1
best ? Loplaad. . -. '. 'f
Medfcal query -Whert a person-; de
clares that bis bra Ware on fire, Is- k eti
quotte to blow them out f 1 : .
So you say that walking sticks came
into use very long ago I ' Not at doubt of
it ; don't we read that Adam had a Cain f .
. It is stated that lightning strikes nor
women then men every year. Its' be
cause they're more attractive, to be sure
An Englishman', paying an Irish shoe
black with rudeness', the "dirty urchin""
said : i "My honey,- all tho- polish? ' you
hare is upon your boots, and I gave you
that.". . ; , .V-.V .; "X-'
An Irishman being" asked why Tie re
fused to pay a doctor's bill, said "Sure
an' he didn't give me anything but some?
emetics, and diril a one would lay in my
stummick." , ;'M'j- i-A' .
Tom asked an old "ten-per-eent" what
he wanted to accumulate so much money
for. Says he, "you can't take it with?
you when you die, and if you could, it
would melt." , . .. ',
. "Mammy !" said a precocious littkr
boy who, against his will, was made to
rock the cradle of his littler brother, "If
the Lord has any more babies' to give
away, don't y6u take 'em." !
In a religious excitement in Boston, a
certain person met a Christian neighbor
who took' him by the hand and said i J
"I have become a Christian."
."I am glad of it," ho replied. "Sup
pose we now have a settlement of that
little account between us. "Pay me what
tboa owest."
"No," said that newborn child.turning:
on his heel, "religion is religion, and bus
iness is business' '-VSl:''.r
Boys' compositions are . eam&iuan to
the point. Here is one : Water is good
to drink, to swim in and skate on, when
frozen. When I was a little baby the
nurse used to bathe me every morning:
in water. I bare been ttld that the In
juns don't wash themselves but once in
ten years. . I wish 1 was an Injun t -v
A Kentucky paper says the way they
exterminate crows in Rowan county is
this s Several grains of corn are strung
upon a horse hair, which, when swallow
ed, causes a tickling sensation in the
crow's throat. In his efforts togetitupr
the crow invariably scratches bis bead off.
MHowfast they build .booses, now,""
said H.; "they began that building last
week, and now they are putting in the
lights." f!Yes' aniwered the friend,
"and the next week they will put in the
The amusement of reading is among
the greatest consolations of life ; it is the
nursf of virtue; the upholder of adver
sity j the prop of independence j the sup
porter of just pride ; the itre c-thener 6f
elevated opinion ; it is the slield against
toe tyranny of aU petty ; passions ; it is
the rcpeller of the- fool's sco2T and the
knave's reason. '
A Memphis dispatoh announces that a
ball is to be held ia that city for the pur
pose of raising funds . to secure the re
prieve of two prisoners new under sen
tence of death for murder. .
A. TIAW Veilim AYiei aae " ttaiai kM mmmru
m " wmww eyvej ueaav wou Vieir
wed at Chicago, called "Brethren of One
Faiths ? The Tribune ys tat will be
a very appropriate name so long as the
Miurou uaa ouiy one mentoer.
The Louisville. New Albaov and Chi
cago Railroad is said to be so ctctlra
that you' can sbiie hands witb tia en
fjineer about half the time.
tv'. 1.- t -- r? t' is to
sertrxts tls tra wutaa
tZ a,' - - tiT to lie ILao -
Territory, tad form a new EUto wi.h the
capital at I on rjmun.