.. . . f ' in iiiiiiiiwMimnMin-nin r-r -nwi",- - ' V s c K VOL.1. ALBANY, OREGON, SATURDAY, JUNE 5, 1869. NO. 39. so r3 5c5 J SATURDAY', JliXE 5 TfTGLh The Staring' Statue u:t the Corner. IXSERTSD AT TBI RBQCEST OP FOCR THOUSAND LA!) IKS. Standing on the sidewalk, fiuking my cigar. Nothing under heaven My delight can war. Staring at the laities, Surely what a treat, rtle.'i. tne ! this is ileiis.ut, Lufiii on the street. High and lowly poopls, Men nf every station, Kushing madly by me, Each iu his vacation. Look at me with envy, Laughing for my pleasure Wishing they were also Happy nion of leisure. Looks of admiration i'roin the la-lies fair. Speak their approbation ; While their smiles declare That I please their fancy, AVith my looks so line, Aud, iu fact, pronouuee mi Kightly, quite divine. Ancient maiden lady Walking .titSy by. Acts as if she liked not J-'ellows such as I. This her outward seeming. In warily, I know That she can but think ma Quite a handsome beau. Young and pretty maiden 'ripping down the streut. Blushes when her glance Happens mine to meet ; Looks a little pouty As it she'd like to say, Impatient young fellow, Look the other way." All the while I'm certain That she likes me wll : Sure I am she's fluttered Mure than she can tell To recoive the homage Cf a man s j line, Ona who rightly boastcth Whiskers so- divine. Staring at the ladies, Surely what a treat ; Bless me ! this is pleasant. Loafing on the street. The Mysterious Thief. Less than forty years ago, in a certain country town of England, lived Mr. John Scott, head of the constabulary, so astute a thief-catcher, that his friends thought it a pity he should throw his win away upon provincial vagabonds, and not give them broad and noble scope as a Bow street runner. His enemies, the local scoundrels, thought the same ; bat con tented themselves with observing darkly ; "that he was so sharp that he would one day probably cut himself," or that "lie was too clever to live." In spite of these intellectual advantages, or in consequence of them, Mr. Scott was as vain as a pea cock, and made the not uncommon mis take of imagining himself even a cleverer fellow than lie really was. He kept the little town (for it was a little one then) so clear of evil doers, and got so compli mented thereupon by the Bench of Magistrates, that he could not conceive that any misdemeanor could be commit ted which his sagacity should be unable to ferret out, or should fail to i bring it home to the true culprit. "I don't pre tend for to say," was one of his favorite remarks, "as J was never puzzled in my profession, but this I will say, as no man ever took me in twice ;" and then he would resume his pipe with the air of a man who has modestly confessed to a weakness, which no other person would have dreamed of attributing to him. Even his wife believed in Mr. John Scott. "Burglary at Sir Egbert Air's last eight,'' Baid h sentcntiously, as he sat emoking after supper in his snug little parlor, one summer evening, while his wife mixed his gin punch after his own particular recipe. "You have got the wretches, of course," observed Mrs. Scott, paring the lemon peel so that you could Bee through it, "or else it would not be my John." t"Well, no," returned the great man, rightly appropriating the last observation as a compliment rather than an expres sion nf doubt as to his personal identity. "The fact is, it's very queer ; but I have not got the wretches. I shall have them to-morrow, but at present they are abso lutely at large." "Lor, John 1 I can scarcely believe you when you tell me. Why, bow on earth could they have got away from you? They could not have been ordin ary burglars" "You are right, ma'am," returned the Chief Constable, with a gratified look j "you have hit the nail exactly on the head. They were not ordinary men ; they were acrobats." "Acrobats I" auswered Mrs. Scott, j softly ; "dear lue !'' j She had uo very acurate idea of what acrobats were ; they might be a religious sect, or ihey might be a savage tribe, or, possibly, even both. But she had long passed for a woman of sense and sagacity, though maintaining a discreet silence except when her husband's talents seem ed to demand her eulogies, and she was not going to risk that reputation now. She had a full share of the curiosity of her sex, but she had more than their ordinary patience. She waited to be in formed upon the subject in question, without hazarding the remark, which occurred to her, that acrobats had white hair and piuk eyes, and therefore could at least be easily recognized by the con stabulary ; and she had not to wait long. ''Yes, it must have been them tumb lers," mused Mr. Scott, sipping his punch out of the teaspoon ; "and less than three and the toy could never' have done it. It was her ladyship's dressing room window, as looks out on the back, as they broke in at, aud no ladder could have been put there, because of the flower stand. It must have been the little devil in the tights and spangles at top of the three others. I have measured the night from the ground, and it just tallies. That's what comes of allowing them itin erants to bo in the place at all. The idea of the mayor letting them have the Town Hall to show their tricks in ! I'd put a stop to everything of that sort, if I had my way; and I will do it, too, in the future." "But you will not interfere with Mr. Shaw, John. I do hope, since he has been so pleasant and civil." "Xo, ma'am, no. Mr. Shaw is a man of eminence, in his line, and what is more, a man of substance. Mr. Shaw's exhibi tion is itinerant, it is true, but that is true, but that is from the necessity of the case. Ais co'lectioa of wild animals is interesting in a high degree, as the editor was observing to me only yesterday. But them acrobats is quite another matter. However, lissom as they are, they must run a little faster, and climb a little higher, I can promise them, before they can get out of the reach of John Scott." "They stood upon one another's should ers, and the boy clambered up them, I suppose ?" "Yes, ma'am, that was their ingenious method; and if they had to do with a corrmon mind though I say it wLo should not say it the manner in which the thing was done would have remained a mystery. If the ladder had been used, it must needs have made some mark upon the mignonette box. The men were all agape when I stated that circumstance, and began locking up in the air as though some bird had done it. But, of course, when I said, 'Them tumblers !' they saw everything clear enough. Sir Robert, who assisted our investigations in person, was so good as to say that I reminded him of Christopher Columbus and his egg." CO "You don't say so I" said Mrs. Scott, admiringly, and wondering within herself what the story was, and whether Mr? Christopher Columbus could possibly have been an oviparous animal. "And did her ladyship lose much ?" "Some ring3 and pins, and three or four pounds in gold. Curiously enough, there was a bundle of bank notes upon the dressing table which entirely escaped the young rogue's attention, or her loss would have been much more serious." "And yet, he was such a frank-faced, honest looking little fellow, that I never should have thought harm of him," said good natured Mrs. Scott ; "but of course you'r right." "Well, most probably," observed her lord and master with a short, dry chuckle. "By 10 o'clock to-morrow morting.when the justices meet, we shall have this honest looking young gentleman and his friends in the town hall, taking part in a public performance of another kind than that with which they favored the town last week. And then we shall ee what we shall see." Mr. Scott arose, took his official hat down from its peg, and prepared to go his rounds, a nightly precaution he sel dom omitted, notwithstanding the absence of all native criminals from his strictly preserved territory ; as for the acrobats, they had Sed with the first dawn of morn ing, and were not likely to return tiii they were brought buck ; but he had dispatched two of his small "force" in pursuit of them,- and hencr there was more need of his personal vigilance. "I shall be back at 2, as uual, my dear, if not before," said Mr. John Scott. About 2 a. !., from long habit, tho wife of the Chief Constable w:i3 accus tomed to awake, aud pieseutly to hear her husband's heavy footfall coming up the stairs ; but upon the present occasion there was no such welcome sound. She sat up in bed with her night cap tucked behind her cars, and listened attentively but in vain, fur him. Notwithstanding his precarious calling, Mr. Seott was a model of punctuality, and as time, (which, iii her opinion, was almost the only thing that could do it) went on without him, she began to be seriously alarmed lest this admirable man, whom human inge nuity had never yet baffled, had been overwhelmed by envious fate. There had been thunder in tho air that night, and a bolt might have struck him. But at daylight she heard the front door open, and a slow tread come up the stairs. The wife of a Chief Constable should be above the suspicion of trepidation, but it was so unlike his ordinary step, that it made her heart go pitapat. However, it was her husband, whose noble spirit, something had evidently cast down. Instead of kicking his boots across the room, as usual, he drew them off, and theu sat in his stockings, thinkiur. "John," said she, in much confusion and alarm, "what is the matter, my dear? Have you not caught them albatrosses ? I mean albinos." "Yes, ma'am, they're safe enough. But the deuce of it is that in their ab sence there has been ancther burglary. 3Irs. Col. Pewit's house has been broken into just in the same way through the second floor back window. It's nothing less than magic, for that had a mignon ette box, and there is no mark of a ladder to be found there neither. I've had my bull's eye over every square inch of it." "Lor, John !" "There was nobody in the room," went on the Chief Constable, musing, "and the window was open, so that the thing might have been done easy enough, when he had once got there. But how did he did he get there that's the question unless the devil had wings." "But the devil has wings," was Mrs. Scott's involuntary exclamation ; the good lady was so flustered by her late anxiety, that for once she spoke in a hur ry. "You will presently cause me to imag ine that 1 have made a second mistake in my life, ma'am in the having married a fool," was her husband's stern rejoinder. Then he went on soliloquizing. "The thief, whoever he was, took the same things rings and pins, and such like but he also took a plated inkstand. That looks as if he did not know his trade. And yet, to have effected an entrance just where nobody would have thought such a thing practicable, he must have been most uncommon cunning. Cunning? No, for then I should see the thing as plain as the church tower. It's down right unaccountable. How it is humanly possible that things can be stole out of a second story floor window without a lad der, or anything to climb up by, unless it was a water spout, that's what I want to know. And what's more, even if he got up, how did he ever get down again?'' Hearing these remarks put aloud, and in an interrogative form, Mrs. Scott thought it incumbent on her to speak, and the more so, as she had ingeniously elaborated a theory of her own to account for the whole mystery. "If nobody could have got in from th outside, John, people as was inside could have done it easy enough. . It was one of them trapesing servant girls, who dresses so fine, and is always wanting money to buy gew-gaws, you may take my word for it." -, : "I don't suppose, ma'am," returned the Chief Constable, with supreme con tempt, "that the Bench of Justices would take your word for it,' even if I was weak enough to do so which I am not. The servants are all above suspicion, both at Sir llobert's aud Mrs. Peewit's that was the first thing ; as we looked to. of course. But even if it were otherwise, df you suppose that thieving is an epi demic, that it should break out in one household to-day, and in another to morrow, "as this has done? You bad better go to sleep, ma'am, and leave me to think the matter out alone." Which, accordingly, this great man, having drawn his night cap on, the better to consider in, proceeded to do. "Two bur glaries on two iollowing nights, iu a town under his personal superintendence, and nobody yet in custody ! He had Dever imagined such a blot could befall his 'scutcheon ! It was not impossible, in a town so slenderly guarded, that a ladder might have been employed without de tection, but, most certainly, in neither of these cases had such an instrument been used. The flower boxes had, in both instances, projected beyond the sill; so that the top of any ladder must have rested ou them aud left its mark. There was also uo trace of the foot of it on the soil below or sin of an attempt to remove such trace although, in the case of Sir Robert's house, there was a flower bed immediately beneath the window." Mr. Scott, in short, brought all of his intelligence to bear upon this problem in vain, and nothing came of it but headache. Next ctav. whole town was iu state of intense alarm. The previous robbery had created much excitement among the inhabitants, but not so much on account of the crime as of the sagac ious manner in which their Chief Con stable had discovered the mode of depre dation ; but now, nut only had a second outrage been committed, but the fact of its occurrence while the acrobats were away had proved their innocence of this particular offense (though the magistrate, not knowing how else to account for their seizure, committed them for a. month as rogues and vagabonds), and negatived 31 r. John Scott's solution of the riddle altogether. The Chairman of the Bench, who had been accustomed to suck that official's brains before addressing his au dieuce in the Town Hall, had nothing to say upon the subject except to recommend the people to shut their second floor windows, which, since it was very warm weather, and most of them cultivated flower boxes, did not give general satis faction. The next, night the Mayor's own house was robbed in a precisely similar manner. It was on Friday, and the local papers, which came out tho next day, published second and third editions, to describe the details. Besides tho burglary, a sort of sacrilege had been committed. The thief had actually possessed himself of the Municipal Maca. This beautiful object, although not intrinsically valuable, had apparently excited his greed, for he had dragged it out of its case as far as a window, and thence let it fall with a report that had alarmed the house, and dented the grouud below. When the door was opened, however, (which the servants declined to do until the "proper authorities" arrived), the marauder had vanished, and with him this Emblem of Authority, as well as a pair of his Lord ship's boot-hooks. There happened to be nothing kept in that room but the May or's boots and the town mace. But the incident was, of course, as distressing to Mr. John Scott as though the regalia had been plundered. He felt that his great reputation was giving way under these repeated shocks ; while the rest of the constabulary were of course over whelmed with disgrace ; and the Tory newspaper openly advocated "stringent measures" and the calling out of the yeomanry. "I suppose," sighed his wife, upon this Saturday afternoon, "there is no ehance of your going with me to-night to the show ? And yet it seems such a pitty, after that civil Mr. Shaw has sent us these tickets ; and you know I never en joy anything let it be wild beastesses, or what notwithout you, John. How fine they look, with this picture of the lion and the unicorn though the bill says as the unicorn is dead with Shaw's S7ioic, 'patronized by all -the crowned heads of Europe,' and 'admit the bearer,' with his autograph in tha corner, in red ink ! Why. the Mayor's own invitations are not more splendid." "Don't ta!L that makes me' think of ine mace," re plied, the husband with a shiver. "I don't wish to see any show but one, and that's the man that'stolo that mace, with a pair of handcuffs on him, or, what would be better still, a standing underr neath a bit of wood, with a rope round his neck, and a parson by his side. But there, it's no good wishing. Upon my life, I sometimes wonder if the devil himself is not doing it to vex me." "Lor, John, you make me creep !" "Well, 1 can't make you fly, I reckon," replied Mr. Scott, surlily ; "and yet that's what this fellow can do, confound him ! He's like a bird of the air a bird of j through the deep Summer stillness, j sounded a humau step, which, albeit not j that she was expectiog, seemed familiar I to her. It was a step which, although' it moved with quicknes, had slight liinp such as she had noticed in , the cait of of the Mavr, woman, for i Ml'- Shaw., lot he had hlmselt awsurea 7 ' ... ner mat very evening limine was a man of early habits, and always! shut ' up his house on heel before twelve o'clock. It was most unlikely that on the night of his fete, of all nights, he should have made an exception to thii salutary prac tice ; and yet she knew uo other step than bis like that step. It stopped beneath the window, aud then there was a sliding, scrambling noise, as though something were struggling up the wafer-pipe that ran down the side of the house, j and she felt at once that the mystery of these nightly thefts was about to be solved. Siie was frightened, of course ; but she did not shut her eyes and put her head under the bedclothes, as most ladies would have done under the circumstan ces ; on the contrary, she stared so hard at the window, that the sides seemed to meet and have no window at all. Or was it that the space had become obscur ed by the presence of the "marauder. Yes, that was it; and what a marauder 1 The face of the intruder she could not catch ; but she saw that he was quite black, very inadequately attired, and pro vided with a long tail. The late impru dent reply of hers to her husband, "But the devil has wings," came to her mind with terrible emphasis. No wonder that ' even the Chief Constable's vigilance had failed to Ah, that face ! There was no mis taking those very strikingly marked fea tures ? It was, without doubt, her late ad mirer, tho ribbon-faced baboon ; and whether from motives of delicacy or fear, Mrs. Scott did dive under the bedclothes then, with only her nose left out to breathe through, like the elephant when under water, as Mr. Shaw had instruct ively informed her three hours ago. She could hear a little, however, as well as breathe , and she distinctly caught the ' quiet chuckle of her visitor, and " the chink of her rings as he swept them off the dressing-table with his hairy paws. Presently there was a shrill whistle from below, and the chuckling ceased; and theu . came the sliding, scrambling noise again. The ribbed-faced baboon had put the rings in his mouth having no pocket and slid down the water-spout to its master with the spoil. "John," cried Mrs. Scott, when the Chief Constable put in his long-wished-for appearance, and as soon as ho had got inside of the door, "I've found it all out. "Pshaw!" said her husband, contempt uously. "Lor," cried she, "well you are a .wonder ! How ever did you find out it was Mr. Shaw and his ribbed-faced bab oon ?" "Never you mind, ma'm," rejoined Mr. Scott, with his old confident air; "I have found it out. And now let me hear how far your testimony goes in corrobo ration of my views." The next day, "from information re ceved," as he darkly hinted, the Chief Costable apprehended the keeper of the menagerie, and searched his house on wheels with such effect that all tbe stol en property was recovered. Mr. Shaw, it appeared, had trained the ribbed-faced baboon to climb up water-spouts and sweep from dressing-tables all articles that glittered, which accounted for his taking the plated inkstand and the mu nicipal mace. If his educatoin had been suffered to progress, ho would doubtless, in time have been taught to carry off bank notes and railway dividends. But, thanks to Mrs. Scott, his occupation was henceforth gone. The Chief Constable, however, got all the credit for the dis covery, and was held by everybody, in cluding his wife, in higher estimation for sagacity than ever. It was true that he had been at fault at first, and in more than one instance ; but then, as he him self observed : "I may say as no man ever took me in twice for this was not a han but a bape." ' The above eurious incident happened at Shrewsbury in 1834, and was, without doubt, the circumstance on which Edgar Poe founded his famous Btory of "The f Hi prey. "Well, John, do you know I can't help sometimes thinking only I would not have mentioned it unless you had that, perhaps, after all, it is a bird ! You know a magpie is a thief by nature ." "And so you suppose a magpie could have stolen the town mace, do you? Why, you arc a greater fool than the newspapers." : "I forgot the mac, John," observed Mrs. Scott, humbly. "I wish I could forget it," growled the Chief Constable. "You had better put on your bonnet and take my ticket round the corner to Mrs. Jones, who will be glad enough to go with you ; only take care Shaw don't keep you both, and put you in a cage for a pair of owls. There, I am sorry to be so rude, Mrs. Scott ; but the fact is, I feel as I shall go out of my mind unless I tackle this mjstery ; and I must be left alone to think it out." So Mrs. Scott, obedient wife as she was, attired herself in gorgeous apparel, and accompanied by her friend and neighbor, the parish doctor's wife, hon ored Mr. Shaw's menagerie with her presence. It was a sort of fete which that practical student of Natural History (which included some knowledge of mankind) had given to the inhabitants of the town, and everything was on a very splendid scale. The show wis lit up by rows of chandeliers, made of cir clets of wood and candles, from the latter of which, as they of necessity hucg very low, the tallow dripped upon tbe heads of the company ; but that was not found out till the next morning. The floor and cages had been thorough ly swept and garnished, and some attempt had euen been made, by means of un guents and spices, to mitigate the odor that hangs about all establishments - de voted to tqe reception of wild beasts. But it must be confessed that this last refinement was a failure it was like the jar of attar, which, "do what you will, the scent of the rcscs would cling to it still;" only in this case the perfume was the result of a combination ; the hyena and the muskrat, the royal Bengal tiger and the marmoset, each contributed their soupcon. In place of he usual showman, Mr. Shaw, himself, with an elegant white wand, pointed out the various objects of interest, explained their habits, and nar rated anecdotes of their extraordinary sagacity. The monkey-cages, as usual, were the chief attraction ; their innocent gambols, and the remarkable penchant they exhibited for biting each others tails, were the admiration of the behold er. Mrs. Scott, while regarding these parodies upon mankind, with a contem plative air, was very nearly indeed, lit erally within half an inch or so paying a great penalty for her philosophic ab straction. A ribbed-faced baboon of gi gantic size, looking not unlike one of Mr. Cooper s Indian heroes in his war paint, made a snatch at her fingers, which, loaded with rings, happened to be ungloved, for she had just been taking refreshments. "Your charms even vanquish the brute creation, Mrs. Scott," observed the clerk gallantly ; "the enamored' animal seeks your hand." "Yes; but, like the rest of the male sex, for what is in it, or on it," replied Mrs. Jones, who had been an heiress in a small way, till her husband removed from her that invidious distinction by spending all her nioney. The ribbed-faced baboon screamed with disappointment, and swung by his rope headforemost, and with hb eyes shut, for the rest of the "evening. It was one A. M. and the Chief Con stable's wife had been in bed since mid night, but $he had not yet fallen asleep. She was awaiting the arrival of Mr. Scott, in hopes that he might have some good news to tell her, or to comfort her with his sympathy in case be'hadn't. It was a beautiful night, and she had left , the window - open, through which the soft fresh aiif came gratefully enough after the atmosphere of the menagerie. She would be able' to catch the majestic footfall of her lord while it was yet a great way off, and she was listening for it. Presently Murder in the Rue Morgue." The true stories of absent men cannot be exceeded. . We know a man who has, more than once or twice, put on his spec tacles to help him to look for them. We are inclined to - believe, from the manner in which it first reached us, the anecdote of Sir Thomas Strange, the Indian judge, who found on paying a visit, that his friend was not in, and that he had forgotten his own name. - . ' "I'll call again. J Never mind my name." "Sir, master always likes to know th names of gentlemen who call." ' "Why, to tell the truth, I have for gotten my name." ; ! "That's strange, sir." "So it is, my man. You've hit h." And he went away leaving the servant quite in the dark. V ill 1 1 I ' . i ; i f .it . " i 1 i .15 It