The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, February 27, 1869, Image 1

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    VOL. 1.
She Itnuii rgjtrv.
SATUKDAY, FKilltll AltV -'7
For the Ueister.
Cloa !s oV-r.-j roat) the sky t 2ay,
Sunshine so 'n thj gloom Uii--1.
X)roui:.i the fljwrets bloom --!j.v5,
isuowcrs their budding forth'ls.
Such is life : thus sorrows vanish,
Alternate thus ccaes wt-ai .ml woe.
Tn-iiay bright lle afiiirtious b.-mi.h,
Tbus jos aud sorrows couio ud eo.
The d.uke-t hour Fata orlain us-
Witt1 sown Riv plaoe to brighter rays ;
Despair not ih -n, th. re sail reiuaiim us
Sweet uicaioiivs past anil better days.
Look up, tin ngh dark th tempest towers,
Sh:';e o.T taj fars thut l.iih joy ;
Have faith, sunshine tMHuws showers;
L t hope affliction's dross alloy.
Albany, Feb. 17, '69.
Marrying l-'artuuc.
" Y, Til do it, Ralph, even if he i a
sewggy, worthless, liirless, dried up,
yellow, vinegar tweed old HiaiJ. I'll mar
ry her; orrlber, her fortune !" aud o
saying lie leaned himself back iu his
chair, and commenced puSSing ay s
coolly at his cigar as though Harrying
was the most eoiumortpl-ice, uninterest
ing affair ever dremed of.
" You speak quite confidently, young
man," returned his cMjn!iio ;," pr
hapg the body in question won't It-ve
you. Don't he too conceited, it you Lave
been called irresistible.
" Fiddlestick ! I cue? my uncle'
fortune wtj the most irreitble part to
the New York belles; aud I am,
now that my grot expectations hve
passed away, there i-n't tvo of them evor
remember asoc-Vfintr with vie. I tel!
you, Ralph, love is I1 mooihiue ! mere
creature of the tucy fr I have never
seen a pretty girl yet that could et
my, huort a palpitating. ?4iiey is what
a poor briefless lawyer like u.ylf want,
not love ; it's a great deal more fcubtan
tiel, too."
Don't ditmbt it ; bt I wouldn't be
tied to an old v:-en lor a consideration,
responded R!ph, "nd in uy opinion,
lie, you are foul if you hiwve your
self away. There, no, tljt advice i
free grwtis no fee akl only do tell
iu tr whole story."
" I can do tht in a lew words. About
a week ago I saved a Sue looking but
gouty old gentleman from being upset out
of his carriage on Broadway, lie was
profuse in his thanks, learned my name,
said he knew nie by reptitatit), told me
he was wealthy-, with but one child, a
daughter, and if I -would go down to Sea
View, where he intended to pa-s a few
weeks, he would make a match betaken
me and her. I modestly sugiie-ted that
the lady ia question might object, hut he
insisted that he could not ; Kite "was de
voted to him and heart-whole. There it
i verhatim. I then made inquiries of a
friend what kind of a girl Mr. Lfuurt's
daughter was, and they told me she'
a scraggy old maid. I have her in my
mind's eye, but it's no drawback. I'll
marry for money,- and let her afterward
take to her cats, just the same as she
does now. That's ail. I am too lazy to
work." And he relapsed into a profound
silence, wondering eecretly what time on
the morrow Mr. Lafourn and Lis da-a-ht-cr
would arrive.
" There, pa, you dear old goose, listen
.to ine ue.-cripnon . or pur i.neii ; ex
claimed pretty little Nellie Lafourn, ar-
- u . : . l, . . t. i i
rangiug me euiiaius bo uiai iiic ui'j cu
tlemari could overhear the conversation
on the piazza between the two young
gentleman just mentioned.
Confound his impudence," growled
the old man, in a rage, bringing his cane
down lustily ; I'd like to seehiiu get my
darling, the heartless wretch, and my
money, even if he has got you mixed up
with vour aunt.
" Slightly mixed np, isn't it, pa ? But
berj" and eha burst inu a merry light
laugh, that caused a dozen dimples to
play hide and seek around her cheeks
And lips.
44 He may be blessed ! I'll send for
him this moment, and I'll I'll I'll
cane him !" almost shouted the irate old
gentleman. r
No, indeed, yon won't pa ! -You let
u: ? T .of
pie manage miu, wuu j u,
bim come let him imagine Lucille is
your daughter and heiress, and I your
piece, with no expectations. We'll see
how Jbe will carry himself."
On the next day Mr. Albertine Gower
waited upon Mr. Lafourn, and was form
ally introduced' to Miss Lucille Lafourn.
Be enquired after the old gent's health
very affectionately, and soon became
quite engrossed, apparently, in the con
versation that was started, but secretly
he was eyeing his intendeud bride, and
he confessed to himself that tha enthu
aiastie descriptions be had given his
friend Balph did, not belie her, or scarce
ly do her justice: But just then the door
opened, and a graceful young lady, with
a great abundance of g.jl.len curls audj
very large brown eyes, walked in.
"My my niece, .Mr. fjowcr . Mr.
(Jower, Mi.-iS Lot," observed Mr. La
foum, and Miss L.v t.ckowlcdgcd it with
a slight but nevertheless graceful bow. !
Mr. (Jower was enraptured, and the
conti-at only" made his bride expectant
more ridiculous ; however, ho determined
to act his prt, aud, as a chance presented
itself, be whispered in modulated tunes
to Mirs Lucille that " he hoped to be
come better acquainted iih her," though
be hiitod himelf for it iu three winutes
afur, i;eu be saw Miss Lee's uii-chief-loving
eyvs resting upon him, and real
ized tltt she had heard him, too.
Day after dy he called, and propor
tionally be fell in love with laughing
Nell, aual fell out with Miss Lucille,
while she became iu appearance, desper
ately euuiuorcd of him, nnd wrote hiiu
poetry by the sheet, expressing her ever
Usliiu; affectiuu. which he assured his
friend Klpli she meant to mean the old
nos of her love, for he was sure she was
invented in Noah's ark.
In vaiu he tried to make love to N.-H.
She accepted no attentions from her cous
in lover,, fi) she moekin-iy assured him,
and left him more dear-airing than be
fore. At !t$t he could not et.tiure it any
lonwer, nd accordiryly -sought an inter
view with r Lafourn.
" So you eotne to propose for my
daughter, Mr. (lower ?" queried the gn
tlemau, wliou he Was ur-hered in.
" No, 1 have not," he emphatically re
turned. ', " I come to ni.Ae a eon
ijion. to aek your for4rieness, and
ciave boon. You know how you cause
to 'make Wiethe offer -which you' did?
W!l, having been brought up to bc-lieve
myvelf indepeiideut of the aorld, aud to
only study a profeioo, uore for pleasure
thn aht el?e, after finding mylf Le-r-ft
i'f hupos. aad poor, glaJIy accept
ed f v proposal. T scorned the idea
of love ; I vt a. ed I loved my ese better
tl tia3 wiiuian on earth, and though I
was informed your (l'ighter was -"
11 A scraiu.-y old mii," slyly i?er
P'cd Mr. 11'ouru, and liurt blushed at
hi on rcuiaik, but proceeded
' I determiied, provided siie would
accept me, to marry her for your money.
There, sir, U the trull), and I know I
(nuot but be lowered in your estima
tion, fciuee then I have met your neice,
and I've I've "
" Flleu iu love with her," observed
the father, aidiug him aloug.
"Ye, sir. exactly so; and I am wil
ling, if she UI have me, to give up all
ideas of wealth obtained by such a mean
practice, and go away and work bravely
for her. lo you think tiwire is any
hof ? Will mi) for-ive me '"
Certainly," he responded promptly.
"I rsliouli not want my daughter wed
ded to any man for such mercenary
motives. I'll call Nell and see what she
says." Aud suiting the action to the
wrd, he summoned Nellie.
" This gentleman has withdrawn his
claims to your cousin's hand," he ob
served, taking Nellie by the hand, " and
actually his the audacity to ask for
yours. Shall 1 tell him?"
" And I am. poor, Nellie," ejaculated
Hart, " but you shall see 1 am ho con
ceited jackaoape. T will go aw:iy and
commence to practice my profession if
you will only give me dope.
Nellie looked at her father
i v
tier iiuhes.
"But I aould be a penniless bride."
"And all the dearer ! if you are not
worth working for, you are not worth
"If, then," she returned slyly, "you
wait a year and do not change your mind,
if uncle's willing "
" Which he will be," interrupted, the
gentleman, and so it was settled.
The ruse was still kept up. Mr. La
fourn gave him letters of introduction to
several influential friends, and he went
away and set up work in earnest. For a
while he was unsuccessful; at last his
talents began to be appreciated, and he
was in a fair way to prosperity. At the
end of the year ho wrote and told Mr.
Lafourn how I c had succeeded, and ask
ed if he would have any objections to his
wedding taking place then. The requir
ed answer was returned, and, when he
ariivedj he found his Nellie prettier than
ever. Mr. Lafourn said nothing, aud
Bart wondered at him giving such a cost
ly wedding to his neice ; but when he,
as the bride's father, gave her away, he
was dumb founded. As soon as the cere
mony was over, he rushed to his father-iu-law
." What does it mean ?" .
"It means you have married my
daughter, sir," responded the happy par
ent, " and we h tve been deceiving you
all the while. Lucille is my maiden sis
ter." . i .. .
Bart was paralyzed.
" Your daughter V
" And my money, as I promised ! Nel
lie and I overheard, your conversation
and determined to test you. We did so,
and Nellie still insisted on your v being
tried, and " - -v":-1.,' i t.-
" You have made a man of mo," he ex-
" You have taken the
leave his
enter mto Ins careless,
claimed abruptly.
co free it out of me."
'But though iioh, ha did not
profession and
id'e life aaui; he stea jny pusneu Ins
way np, and now is one of the most influ
ential men of the times, which be always
avers is more due. to Nellie's stratagem
tbaa " Marrying a Fortune."
: Wasn't ok the Maury. The Shas
ta Courier of January '23d is responsible
for the following : " We had a good joke
on1 a resident ot Dog Creek the other day.
Tlie party referred to is a bachelor and
lives on the wagon-road. A few days
aio an emigrant wagon from Oregon
ciue along audcahiped near our friend's
pl-ce. The head of the family soon
made himself acquaiutcd with the pro
prietor of the premises, aud he asked
him why he didn't get a woman to keep
house tor him. The answer was that he
intended to marry jusfus soon as a woman
willing to enter into the bonds of matri
mony couM be found. The Oregouian
remarked that he coulJ find him a part
ner if he would take licr. The bachelor
s. id that was right into his hand, and
the emigrant invited him to his camp.
The Oregouian called up a bouuciiig
damsel of about twenty years,, and in
formed her that the geutieman accom
panying him was 'uu the marry,' and
wilting to take her for let:er or for
worse. The damsel, delighted with the
project, advanced, and seialng our
mend by the hand, assured bim that she
was ghrd to meet him, and was ready to
matry bim at the drop of the hat, while
tUe old l y hastened up and congratula
ted her dr:r' on her good luck. Sur
prised nd alarmed wt the serious turn
mutters had taken, our irieod, who was
const iiutioually opposed to the iiistitu
tiou ol uiatriviony, cud-avored toesplaiu,
by saying that he was only joaiug aud
did uot want to marry. At this the
Oregoniati become very inaiignun?, aud
the would-be bride requ-.-sled her lather
to take hi rifie and 'diap the vanniiit in
hi tracks.' At this affectionate sugges
tion thtf bachelor left for his fortifications
the last thing he heard being the voice
of the old lady consoling her disappointed
'darter' with the remark that it was
best to 'let the bilk go, as he weren't
man enough to do her anyhow, "
A A Small Bov's Composition'.
Corn are ot all kinds. Vegetable and
auiuial. Vegetable corn grows in rows,
and animal corn grows ou toes. There
are several kinds of corn. There is uui
eorn, Capricorn, cor:i-dodgcr, field corn,
aud toe corn, which is the corn you feel
the most. It is said, I beiieve, that
gOphers like coru ; but persons having
corns do not like to 4go far" it they can
help it. Corn hive kernels, and some
colonels have corns. Vegetable coru
grows on ears, but animal corn grows oa
feet at the otaer end of the body.
Another kind of corn is acorn. These
grow on oaksj but there is a hoax about
the corn. The acorn is a corn with au
indefinite article, but tiucon is very in
definite iudeed. Try it and see. Many
a nun, when he has a corn, wishes it were
an acorn. Folks that have corns some
times send for a doctor, and if the doctor
himself is corned, he would do probably
as well as if he isn't. The doctors say
corus are produced by tight boots or
shoes, which is probably the reason why.
when a
man is tight, they say he is
It a farmer mauaircs well, he
can get a good deal of corn on one acre,
but I know a farmer that has corn that
makes the biggest acre ou his farm.
The bigger the crop of vegetable corn a
man raises, the better he likes it, but the
bigger crop of animal corn he raises the
better he does not like it. Another kind
of corn is corn dodger. The way it is
made is very simple, and is as tollows
(fhat is if you want to know); You go
along a street and" meet a man you know
has a corn, and is a rough character;
then you step on the toe that you know
has a corn on it, and see ityou don't have
occasion to dodge. In that way you will
and out what a ct rn
loiuiiig the ftlasous.
dodger is.
Pretty Good. The following "item,"
together with neveral others of the same
character, is published in the Figaro un
der the head of " Interior Items ; from
our exchanges." In the matter of de
tail, it is quite as satisfactory, and no
doubt contains as much truth, as many
of the "interior items,' published in the
San Francisco dailies:
Three women while 'amusing them
selves in Calaveras county met with a
serious accident. They were jumping
across a shaft 800 feet deep and 10 feet
wide. One of them couldu't quite make
it and succeeded only in grasping a sage
brush on the opposite edge, where she
hung suspended. Her companions who
had just slipped to an adjacent saloon
saw her peril, and as soon as they had
finished drinking went to her assistance.
Previously to liberating her, one of them
by way of a joke uprooted the bush.
This exasperated the other and she threw
her companion half-way across the shaft.
She then attempted to cross over to too
other side at two jumps. The affair has
made considerable talk.
the Masons, and
in getting into a
Knobbs has joined
heie is his'cxperieuce
I must tell you of the perils and trials
I had to- undergo to become' a Mason.
On the evening in question I presented
mysctf at the door of Lodge-room No.
30,GG3, sign of the skull aud crosboncs.
I was conducted to an ante room, where
five or six melancholy chap?, in sashes
and embroidered napkins, were waiting
to receive me. On my entrance they all
got up and turned back-somerau!ts and
then resumed their teats. A big fat'fjel
low who sat in the middle, and who
seemed to be the proprietor, then said :
'Sinner from the other wold, advance!"
I advanced. "Will you give up every
thing to join . us?" "Not if I know it'
I said; "i here are my wife and fourteen
fine " Another party here told me
to say "Yes," as it was merely a matter
of form so I said "Yes, I give up every
thing." The fallows in the towels then
groaned and said "'Tis well. Do you
swear never to reveal anything you may
sec or hear this evenitig to any human
being, nor your wite '(" I said "'Pon my
word, I will not." They then examined
my teeth and felt my taste of liquor, and
ms4e me put out my tongue, theu groaned
ajain. I said. "If you. don't feel well I
have got a little boitlc here." The fat
man here took the bottle fro'.u mo and
told me to shut ip: lie then, in a Voice
of thunder said, "Bring forth the goat!"
Another fellow theu come up with a big
cloth to blind me. "No you don't, Mr.
Mason," I said; "no tricks on travelers,
if you please; I don't believe in playing
blindman's buff with a goat. I'll ride
the devil, if you like but I don't go it
blind. Stand back or I'll knock you irito
smithereens." They were too 9nuch for
me, so ;1 had to submit to being blind
folded. The goat was then led in. and
I could huar 'him making an awful racket
among the furniture. I began to feel
that I was urgeutly wanted at home, but
I s in for it and could not help myself
Three or four fellows then seized me,
and with a dcinouieal laugh pitched
me on the animal's b;vek, telling me at
thrt same time to look out for squalls.
I have been in a good many scrapes, Mr.
Kditor; I have been in election fights;
I've been pitched cut of afour-story
window; I have gone down in a rail
road collision ; but this little goat
excursion was ahead of them all. The
confounded thing must be all wiDgs and
horns.' It bumped me against chairs
aud tables, and the stoves and the ceiling,
but I hung on like a Trojan. I turned
front somersaults and rolled over. I
thought it was all over with me. I was
just on the poiut of giving up, when the
bandage fell from my eyes and the goat
bounded through he w indow with a yell
like a Commanche Indian giving up the
ghost. I was in a Lodge of Masons.
They were dancing a war-dance arouud
a big skull, and playing leap-frog and
turning handsprings, and the big fat fel
low of the ante-room was standing on his
head in the corner.
Voir ttie Ladies.
Set No Moa Traps. A co'empo
rary tells, or rathr lets the hero of the
incident tell, of a German watchmaker
of Portland, who, hearing of the frequent
burglaries, conclude ! to fortify his store
against the gentry who work with skele
ton keys and crow-bars. Tho watch
maker said :
"I hear much tings about te purglars
all a' wile; I hears they breaks stores in
to eni very much. Veil, I tinks I vixes
'cm, so that the next time that they
coomes to my stores, by tain, they no
(rum. I puys a pig horse bistel, and
fastens it to the floor, mit de moozle
pointin' to de door. So den I runs a
string from de drigger up mit der vail
and down mit dor door, so ven Mr. Pur
glar opens himself mit der door, vy if he
ploze de prains out of the bistel, vy den,
you see 1 cau't help it, don't it? That's
vot I say. Last night 1 left de door
pointing at de inoozio of- de bistel mit
two bullets in it, unt goes out to drink
some lager mit ter boys, I sometimes
drinks too much lager. Veil, I can't
help it. I bores myself into nioie ash
twenty sixteen klas3 lager, unt den I
goes home. Ven Ipassmine store I dinks
I better ash look in unt see if nothing
pese all right. That is right, don't it?
If it don't I ain't can't help it. Veil, mit
so many glasses of me in der lager, I for
get about der hors bistel unt ter door
pointin der moozle, unt ven I makes open
mit ter door, bang ! by tarn, I joost gets
a pullet mit my elbow unt anodcr pullet
get mine hat. through it all the vile
Vost I scart? Veil, if I vos I can't help
it. You'd be scart yourself, ain't it ? I
joost throw away de hors bistel, un I
never tets no more traps for purglars so
long as I cau't help it. So I"
; The death of a negro, 110 years old,
is announced at Win nsboro, South Caro
lina. - m..i
A man is being tried in Cincinnati for
stealing a cat.
At Tiio'ty chapel. New York, the mar
riage bells chime re-ularly at every
A Broadway store mnkes a specialty in
renting out "beautiful wedding pres
ents." A New York bell recently displayed
at the marriage ceremony an eight thous
and dollar robe. '
Oa dit, that Mr. DeBille, the Banish
Minister, will soon lead to the alter a
young lady of New Jcrs y. -
The daughters of a prominent New
York city official say they received .three
hundred calls on new years day.
Mrs. Grant will not, in all probabili
ty, have more than two or three general
receptions during the season.
Jannis llobb, the well-known banker,
is to be married early in February to the
widely-known and accomplished Mrs.
Stanard, of Richmond Virginia.
- A popular New York organists charges
S I0l for performing at weJdiugs. Fash
ionables readily engage him.
One of those tiresome six-year engage
ments terminated last week in New
York in a wedding at homo. No cards,
no festivities, etc.
Iu New York, seven Murray Hill
young ladies have organized a dancing
class, to which they invite seven youog
gentlemen friends at each meeting.
The juvenile ball aunually given by
Mrs. August Belmont will probably takej
place during the present month.
The drawing rooms of an aristocratic
New York residence on Madisou avenue
art furnished entirely with gilt furniture.
It is said that a well-known West
F ourteenth street New York bell bears a
likeness to Menken. She wears a simi
lar coiffure to the late Adah Isaacs.
The next style of bonnet is to be abend
and two inches of ribbon, fastened with
a hair pin.
Corresponding in violet ink is now the
rage among young ladies and school
girls. '
Seal skin jackets worn by come ladie3
on promenade are generally conceded to
be pretty and stylish.
Beautiful fans of white lace over col
ored silk are now in vogue. They are
expensive, but that's nothing.
Monogram kid gloves are in vogue.
At the ball of the "John iIorTi3sycOJ
terie, idrs. J. M. appeared in a pink
silk triiacd witll black lace, en panier
and trail, with very costly diamonds.
It is no longer "genteel" for a young
lady to accept an invitation for Delmon
ico's at the conclusion of a theatrical per
formance. Mrs. Grundy says it is "fear
fully common." -"
Ex-Judge Mitchell's neice, who was
recently married at Flushing (L. I.), re
ceived wedding gifts amounting iu value
to 880,000. j
At the 31 dinner recently siren at
NO. 25.
The Olyvnpia Tribune of Jan. S0lbr
has the following :
Wo have received from Hon. Schuy-r
ler Colfax, through our Delegate ut
Washington, a letter of inquiry concern
ing Mrs Elizabeth MeBee, or her heirsr
supposed to reside in this Territory or
Oregon, with a request to make it pub
lie. It any of the parties referred to-
are in existence, they will find it fo their"'
interest to communicate with .11. J
Shirk, the subscriber, to the following
letter, at the place at which it.-is dated :
Pern, Ind., Bec.Otb, 1SGS.
IIox. . SciiUYLtu Colfax : Dear
Sir In 1858, one Peter Beam, of this
county, died in-cstatc, leaving several
heirs who have received their distribu
tive share ot his estate." One Elizabeth
McBec,' wife of Levi MeBoe, a daughter
of Beam, and one of the heirs, emigrated
to Oregon or Washington Territory
twenty years ago, from . Bay county,
Missouri. The family have learned she
was dead some years ago, leaving several
children, who would be the lawful heirs
of the estate. Their share, which is .
about a thousand doilai"s, is in. the hands
of the administrator ready for them, as
it has been for six years past. If you
will see tho member from 1 Washington
Territory, he perhaps might give notice
through a paper published there, which
would come to the notice of the heirs entitled-
to the money. They 'think they
are in Washington, but they may be ia
Yours, II. J. SuiUK. "
A Genuine Yankee.
the Hoffman Home, New York, the bills
of fare wero found in a gold nut at the
plate of each guest. AU in a nutshell.
About Newspapers. There ore
five thousand newspapers published in
the United ' States. New York has the
largest number of any State, and Utah
the least. Only one hundred in the
country have a circulation of ten thous
and. There is no daily paper west of
New York that has a bona fide circula
tion of twenty thousand copies. It is es
timated that one publisher in four tells
the truth about his circulation. In ad
vertising, mercantile firms generally pre
fer dailies and patent medicin men week
lies. Chicago, Belleville, and St. Louis
are cow furnishing country publishers
with paper upon which the "outside" of
their edition is already printed Repub
lican, Democratic, or Conservative in sen
timent with the name of the paper,
date, volnmn, publisher's card, terms,
etc., and any" desired size. The New
Hampshire (Jazette is the oldest paper
in the United States, having been estab
lished in 175G, (it has changed editors
and publishers since then,) and The
Chronicle, and Sentinel, published at
Agusta, Georgia, was established in 1794.
The Jacksonville (Alabama) Republican
has been edited forty -six years by James
Freeman Grant, a practical printer, and
cousin of the President elect. The Ab
mgton Virginian has been conducted by
its present editors twenty -six years. The
Lycoming Casern published at Williams
port, Pa., was established in 1801 ; The
Christian Observer, RichmoudVa., in
1913, (which makes it the oldest relig
ious paper in America,) and the Lynch
burg .Virginian was established in 1808.
In the Pahranagat District, which lies
in the southeastern part of the State of
.Nevada, about one hundred and ei?htv
miles southeast of Austin, is a remarkable
mountain of pure salt. In small nieces
it is quite transparent, and so remarkably
hard as to require blasting. It is five
miles in length, six hundred feet in night.
uuu oj an unknown aeptn.
Chicago has had a race between
street car and a velocipede. The latter
upset and threw its rider into the gutter,
so that the car won the race on .a "foul."
Thirteen men have been- lynohed in
inuiana wunm tne last sis months
"Hallo, my good friend, can you in
form me how far it is to the next house?"
Jonathan started up leaned on his
hoe handle rested one foot on the
gambrel of his sinister leg aud replied:
'Hallo yourself ! how d you dew I
Wall, I guess I can. .'Taint near as far
as it nsed to be before they cut tho
woods away then it was generally reck
oned four mile, but cow the sun shrivels
up the road, and doa t make it more'ri
tew. The first house you come to is- a
barn, and the next is a hay stack j
Iloskin's house is ou beyont. You'll be
sure to meet his gals long before you get
there; . tarnal rompin critters, they
plague our folks "mom n a httle. His
sheep get , into our orchard. Dad sets
kthe dog artcr the sheep and me arter the
girls andthe way they make the wool
and I the petticoats fly, is a sin to
'I see you are inclined to be facetious,
young man pray tell me how it hap
pens that one of your legs 13 shorter than
the other ?"
'I never allows anybody to meddle
with my grass tanglers, but scein' it's
you. l u tell you. X was born so at my
ticular request, so that when I hold the
plow, I can go with' one foot in the fur
row and t'other on land, and not lop
over; besides, it is convenient when' I
mow around a side hill." J
"Very good, indeed how do your
potatoes come out this, year?"
"lhey don t come out at all. I digs
'em out and there's a tarnation snarl of
of them in each hill."
"But they are small, I perceive."
"Yes, I know it. You see , we planted
some whoppiu' blue noses over in that
ere patch there, and they flourished so
all fired ly that these 'ere stopped crowin'
just out of spite, 'cause they knowed thoy
couldn't keep up." i .
"You appear ;obe pretty smart, and I
should think you could afford a better
hat than the one you wear.
"Ihe looks aint nothin , it s all in tho
behavior. This. 'ere hat was my religious
Sunday so to meotin' hat, and it's chock
full of piety now. I've got a better one
to hum, but I don t dig taters in it, no
how.". v. y v. ,. ,;;v.,'.:. .-. .-,
' "You have been in these trjarts somo
time, I should guess." . ' .
"1 should guess 50 tew. I was born d
and got my brot'n up in that 'ere house ;
Dut my native place is down in For-.
dunk." . , .... .. f. ' t. .
"Then you say it's about! three miles
and a-half to the next house ?"
"Yes, sir: 'twas a sncll aso. and I
don't beleive it's grow'd much shorter
since. Good-bye toye. That's a darn'd
slick mare of your'n.' " , -
As the rose is composed ot the sweet
est flowers and the sharpest thorns; as
the , heavens t are y sometimes overcast,
alternately tempestuous and serene; so
is the life of man intermingled with
hopes and fears, with joys and sorrows,
with pleasures and with pains.
- Miss Sarah P. Redmond, an Ameri
can colored girl,, receutly - graduated as
M. D. at the principal, medical school in
Florence, Italy.
In the first number of the London
Punch for the current year, is a preface,
dedicating the volume for I860 to Gen
eral Ulysses S. GraDt, in Mr. Punch's
most complimentary Btylo. . ,
A Madrid correspondence of the Inter
national says, with shocking indelicacy,
"General Prim is believed here to be tne
fatbet of No. &nd No.; 5 of, Isabella s
little ones." ' 1 - '