r
" 1 -- -; 1
OFFICIAL COUNT OF THE ELECTION
912
a a
fa a
O 3
-1
7T
Humor and
Philosophy
9r 9VICAI M. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
r
1 1
w 1
1
Sudden Illness and Ail
ments InaKravo emergency, telophono service
is indisponsablo.
JustMrp tt your Boll TolophoilP, call iij.tlu
tUx'tor r ilriiUKtst, state tin- case, and :ut u tin- advice
w !ui h you receive.
ShoiiM you need Mnm-tliin wliuh is not in (lie local
hI.ius, the Hell Telephone, will reaih :iny!nly in any
j,;.ne at any hour l the day ornihl.
' A I he Pucifk: lelcphono and If A
lelcqrtipli to.
Laurel Store
Having 1'uuh.v.etl the Store at
LAUREL
I a tu Prepared t meet the de
mand of the Laurel section in
all kinds of
GENERAL MERCHANDISE
If We hnvt? not fiat whut you want
we enntfrt it for you. We enn supply
you in nil lines
E. T. TURNER. Laurel, Oregon.
THIRD ANNUAL
National Apple Show
Spokane, Wash.
Will He Held
NOVEMBER 14 to 19. 1910
$2aOOO IN PREMIUMS
The greatest variety of prizes, cups and trophies ever
offered, I'riow for single apples, Ixixes and every
thing up to full carloads will le awarded.
$1,000 Championship Car
load Prize.
1' r the tast carload of 630 boxes or bushels. A floor
pace of three and one-half acres required to house
this great show, Hcsidex the exhibit of apples,
apple growers, packers and cookers will learu ami
gam valuable in formation.
Ample hotel accommodation without raise in price
will 1 provided. Southern Pacific Co. Lines
in Oregon will have in effect low Round trip
fares from all points on its lines,
l or further information apply to any S. P. agent or
to Win. McMurray, General Passenger Agent.
Guns! Ammunition!
c
3
The open season for Birds
begins on October 15. See our
fine assortment of single and dou
ble barreled shotguns, latest man
facture. Hig supply of standard
ammunition. See us k-fore you
buy our prices are an induce
ment. 1'inc Hunting Equipment.
Bicycles
' "V ' ...
Rest manufactures of bicycles al
ways in stock. Our bicycle re
pairing is the "kind that "Stays
Repaired."
I LEE SEARS, - Hillsboro.
Garage, Third Street.
MrprrnrtiUtivrt
l.lnu.ir, krp H JO
llawlry. rp ,,4 ,6
Hirudin, Sue . 5 j
Hinitli, )rni.., J7
(iovrrnur
H'.wriumn, Krp ,,..t uj 114
Katun, I'rohl u to
Kx liarita, Hoc 4 4
Writ, 1111 m 7u
SrcrrUiy kA Slate
Urnaon. Krp 141 IJ5
Iavn. I'rt.ln 17 16
Mrlfcinalil, Hoc f, 8
Ollvrr, )rm , 82 44
htatr TfraMrrr
Huilrr, Trolii jj rj
Kay, Krp 1H6 13
Utlrn, S y to
mirrmr Coun, 4 yrs
Bran, Hrp. 17 ij
ltrl(lit, I'rolii j( jj
Ml lill.lt, Krp 176 UJ
Mer, Soc , 11 ij
KjraD, Soc to 9
Matci, IJtiii.,.. it 1 44
hu rrme Court, 6 Tr
Huinrlt, Krp 141 135
Joiirt, Soc. 15 19
Kin, I)rui 1 as 7i
bHwnt, llrp.. 149 in
l amp. Soc ij 14
Attornrjr General
Urn, Soc , i 17
Crawford, ltep aoj I54
Snjit. Initiuciiou
Alderman, Krp,..,,. 140 115
Hinailale, Soc 6 14
Hotnrr, Deui 84 45
Strrl. fiohl .. 13 30
State Pnaler
Mylaudrr, Soc... ... 3 to
Duuiway, Rep. j.r,4 13a
(.odfrrT, Irui.. 9, 4
Coiu. I.tor
Curry. Soc 8 it
Hod, Kep ,36 nt
Ilinuton, lriii.. iqH i
K K CouitiiiiaioDer
McLaiu, Ixui 103 61
Miller. Hap 13a u2
Male Kiitorer
Kooti, Hoc jj 38
Lrwii Krp. y I44
Supt Water No. 1
Ctiitinock, Kep iS 141
Circait Judje
Campbell, Kep , 10S 61
Kakm, Kep ba 130
Krpreaeotativea
Chapman, Kep 116 lit
II0II11, Krp 119 l7
TlKard, Kep 109 91
Oronrr, 1 ad 1 1 j (9
llrrnirai, Ind 117 48
Schtilmerich, lad 116 64
llockrn, Prohi J5 39
Coatit Judge
C.oohn, Rep 115 In
Sewell, Ind uj 75
.scent!
(ooiiman, I'rolii i 40
Hancock, Krp a7 144
Clrrk
liailey, Krp aij ir
Alexander, I'tohi
Krcordrr
Krrr, Prohl ji jj
I'crkma, Kep 119 116
Ttirapp, Ind. 80 43
Ttrauter
Bayd, I'rohl.. a8 36
Jackaon, Krp 194 14S
Surveyor
Morrill, Rep 193 158
t'oioner
Hruwn, Rep joi 158
('omiii'Kiiiner
llntkhaltrr, lad lag 60
Nyucrg, Rep 99 iai
Home Rule, yes... 124 94
Home Hule, no... 108 84
Prohiliition, yes .. 76 68
Prohibition, no.... 146 110
Search l,aw, yes.. ' 79 73
Search Law, no... 153 111
8
61
6
35
49
7
a
6o
64
8
8
J5
it
7J
W
16
67
5
8
4
U
M
61
7
16
85
St
41
8
6
7
3
II
M
34
3
66
10
7
11
77
10
3"
6H
7
7
5
81
4
!
10
6
91
17
79
lj
89
8
t 1
jo
7
l
59
7
3
n
ioj
79
11
7
13
II
77
34
13
66
45
41
79
11
97
35
J
7
114
ill
3
a
161
147
34
6
96
57
ii
2i
146
bo
'77
16
13
97
144
4
I3
164
14
106
135
8
87
11
ii
108
14
140
122
l4
141
34
aio
76 90 101
7
7
43
39
46
69
5
66
II
59
55
II
95
84
1
ID
58
39
13
66
95
85
63
4
611
5a
41
59
9
27
100
31
91
110
U
73
36
26
9
29
102
126
llS
102
"33
56
i.l
40
99
7
9
221
5
40
90
64
IS7
86 io3 210
83 99 212
45
5
68
61
148
"3
81
31
23
84
78 161
48 121
34 87
91 192
25. 30 92
86 98 197
II 11 10 10 to 15
55 t 79 105 85 75
6 21 19 H 4 9
59 28 21 37 0
45 Jo 47 90 68 62
8 7 '3 6 3 ,7
5 2i 17 11 5 7
79 37 5J 70 46 j7
37 39 7 107 94 78
o 7 '5 7 6 18
7 30 9 ' 4 7
5 15 ,H 43 15 37
5 13 23 10 10 34
89 47 80 Hi 95 96
16 30 21 23 11 14
'1 Vi 76 98 87 82
" "4 7 17 1$ 22
hi 38 7 113 73 72
6 27 o ,6 9 16
" 33 4 19 5 10
49 23 3' 41 27 33
66 34 83 ,0, g, 86
Y 3 " 19 IO 13
tl 38 4H 5, 4J
67 39 57 m 72 66
9 25 17 20 8 12
21 tK 35 a9 13 19
93 46 97 134 99 104
40 33 67 9J 81 77
9 39 7 23 6 K
47 18 38 20 32
10 6 30 9 9 17
9 26 '7 30 6 13
7i 49 79 K 4 86 87
44 14 '9 38 24 36
IO 30 l8 23 9 12
60 36 78 98 72 72
54 22 39 43 j, 46
49 34 41 53 31 53
7 46 70 101 91 73
'9 39 J3 35 9 33
9 46 97 127 101 98
90 66 93 133 96 91
95 ' 5 97 IJ8 98 86
69 53 73 130 89 78
47 34 66 99 66 63
50 36 59 66 81 76
48 35 9 55 68 65
74 45 53 105 37 55
68 33 '9 45 36 40
67 4t 41 9J 49 50
3 13 19 17 IO 13
" 39 79 43 rV6 69
100 47 44 137 50 56
17 19 3l 33 4 4
Id 68 89 114 hi hi
97 ( '4 148 109 107
96 2
10 It 31 10 4 15
63 37 75 105 58 66
5 35 ' A' 61 4J
30 26 27 a6 20 12
94 56 81 134 9 90
105 69 IOO 139 99 103
98 69 97 143 ros 101
73 44 36 49 45 55
50 34 77 116 73 62
71 43 60 105 63 54
48 43 57 57 45 65
32 37 44 48 25 60
85 44 68 110 77 58
33 36 42 47 27 58
83 47 74 114 81 64
5
9
15
3
8
6
iS
7
15
3
13
o
6
ii
16
9
9
13
8
IO
30
3
7
IO
3
7
16
9
7
15
IO
'5
16
10
5
187
8
64
13
20
8
79
19
26
10
4
39
118
180
&
190
13
it
62
i8
19
98
164
9
19
337
178
II
5'
33
12
202
60
IS
150
105
59
2o2
37
326
38
122
IO
85
124
21
10
I09
33
3'
2
72
4
6o
34
145
55
IS
16
12
73
Ml
25
112
IS
15
33
19
133
lb
73
34
!
146
4
16
130
9t
143
30
190
24
H5
17
54
IOO
20
II
103
130
22
35
41
3
US
35
126
3'
3
33
7
62
l3t
29
8l
103
24
39
169
III
21
49
29
33
142
63
39
113
7
7'
136
43
158
34
168
31
7
174
28
7
Vi
93
39
21
60
65
316
33
184
45
192
26
19
7
198
M
105
100
34
3-8
341
178
24
67
34
23
304
73
38
146
"3
83
196
37
34t
39
158
II
68
157
29
10
95
I8
34
13
5
64
178
31
59
57
Ifc4
17
14
79
180
33
9
163
19
33
319
160
16
5J
45
19
1S0
73
21
168
76
71
187
36
314
14
94
7
47
83
11
6
61
101
4
8
40
22
113
19
'A
3
97
10
11
43
99
4
62
99
II
'3
120
90
9
43
14
IO
no
45
14
86
55
55
lot
3"
116
8
77
10
44
73
3
8
5
9'
2
8
34
9
98
33
80
6
77
16
13
36
82
14
43
69
'5
38
loo
76
15
33
4
13
So
30
13
7o
40
44
77
26
93
21
83
17
47
7
10
18
74
98
17
18
34
3i
105
91
28
99
16
18
45
96
22
63
89
21
33
137
95
19
40
7
18
107
38
18
93
4
5
97
29
120
7
118
8
5
84
15
5
93
126
18
8
43
29
143
15
135
3i
l9
IJ
10
53
35
15
66
108
II
19
157
131
II
4J
13
1 26
44
IS
I04
60
53
I3J
33
147
3X7
ZB
l'
1KV.
Z70
1
ri
22M
m
son
vtr,
ta
2073
m
'en
UMI
224'J
3X1
14.W
am
524
ZUlti
21
24
910
W
2W
214
1011
340
1286
1211
'tTi
Ml
2817
34 310 180 171 23S 205 118 88 117 I43 J7'
34
31
13
13
14
15
13
IS
5
IO
J3
4
36
33
4
13
14
6
9
5
as
5
3
327
183
150
lfio
t69
'3o
75
101
33
146
34
30
248
229
12
J
107
65
41
3i
248
356
139
129
i9
160
137
'33
i'9
97
77
82
43
lto
138
44
193
174
28
44
IK
80
78
157
i9
193
103
124
165
143
105
93
90
1'S
64
o5
37
128
9'
49
54
170
8
21
66
138
43
53
165
176
109
90
334
19S
163
143
161
147
83
114
46
156
'63
3
3
344
IO
35
195
7'
45
357
363
2S0
158
133
18S
'83
156
304
I3
78
67
77
57
165
103
46
314
182
54
60
140
62
76
I So
205
306
76
l7l
'30
113
54
5i
50
108
59
96
5
85
.70
18
130
87
74
69
60
67
55
44
56
5
S3
88
7
133
128 105
16
96
39
3'
Ii5
US
127
1 to
4-'
11 117 95 96148 96
17 129 135 124 154 162
9 106 127 109 112 149
21 154115 104 185 99
11 112 124 111 116 155
68
81
44
98
45
7
7
36
10
104
93
97
63
55
92
30
29
98
27
133
101
66
56
78
90
47
67
26
84
62
34
106
"7
3
33
84
37
9
113
133
121
6l
79
ISO
I22
121
83
84
95
50
7
18
7
II2
36
I44
I5S
I
33
113
48
3l
145
157
157
51
I39
2857
2452
11
1M0
1753
1735
1231
15r
iVi
1747
11
5T3
23f)l
141
440
luytf
lllti
707
2725
2955
30O4
1G25
1828
17 155 120 109 190 107 102 100
991827
79 1715
49 1326
86 121 2146
63 49 1355
90 126 2224
71
77
58
Humor and
Philosophy
r ft. SHI Til
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
fiOY works terribly hard to avoid
work until old limn Work ftuallj
raptim lil 111 mid then ho Una to wonk
torrtlily hard Jiutt the same, bo what'
the use?
Some people think being kind to the
poor coiiHl.sia In finding them work
and working them half to death.
A
ln.
fool mid Ills money Is easy pick-
There tiro Homo thing you can't do
Willi a hiilrptii. Tay street car fart
Ls olio of the few.
Set n thief to cntck thief and thy
are likely to pool their Interests and
pull IT mime aort of graft on you.
If n womnn has nathlng elao to do
Hhe liken to keep herself busy run
ning up accounts to present to her hus
band nt the beginning of the month.
It ought to bt
good discipline to
do the things wV
don't waut to do,
for It goes Ilk
pulling teeth.
There Is quit
as much dang
In thinking too
much of yourself
as there Is lo
thinking too lHWe.
Most of us have an enemy or two
who nre lying low waiting for a chance
to put a crimp In our halos.
Money may be tainted, but the hard
Inbor tieceNsary to counect with eten
the tainted variety amus to have a
sort of purifying effect.
Qot tha Exarcisa.
"1 think you need exercise, old man."
"Kiert'lso?"
"Yes."
"I get a lot."
"Oh. go awayt Too He under a tree
all day smoking."
"Yes, but. you don't know how hard
1 am working my Imagination all lhn
Special
ONE
Sale Of J?aces
WEEK ONLY
Our entire stocK of ladies'
headgear, trimmings, flow
ers, plumes and etc. to be
on sale at one-third off,
for one weeK only be
ginning Saturday, No
vember 19th.
Third &
Main
i
GROSS
Hillsboro
Oregon
TT would take the ordinary peraon a
thousand year If he wer to at
tempt to put luto practice all the cboer
op philosophy that he receives In a
year.
Just the right sort of opportunity Is
all some of us lack to do well, say any
kind of a stunt.
The worst thing about getting wtint
juu want is mat 11 won 1 amy wu
you want afterward.
It Isn't difficult to please some peo
plewhich ls another thing that fre
quently makes them boresome.
It ls one thing to make an excuse
and another and quite different to get
it to work.
He may I cnlled a selfish person
who Insists ou being himself and you
too.
One of the Brut step In this suffra
gette business Is to have well trained
masculines about.
now would It do to send all pessi
mists to the pesthouse?
There are persons so parsimonious
that they would snve a dollar by wast
ing half the!" alien ,th.
Some pan sU bring children up prop
erly, but occasionally we see a husky
persons who calls hi down properly.
8oundad Like Experience.
"Gambling ls one of the worst hab
it a young man can get Into, said
the gentleman with a long black coat
and well groomed side whiskers.
"As bad as that?" asked the flippant
one.
"Yes, and worse."
"Ton talk like a man who had bet
on Jeffries." .
Has the Effaet
"One swallow
doesn't make a
summer."
"No, but when
a man takes one
bis wife often
makes It warm
for him."
Coat Leas.
old Moneybags
Is close
"I hear
fisted."
"All of that"
"But does he deny himself or bis
family?"
"Does he! Ills daughter bad a per
fectly lovely duke picked out and be
Is going to make her marry an American."
. His Occupation.
"He Is a great kicker." 1
"Doesn't look It".
"He la, though." '
"What'a his grouchT
"Grouch?"
"Yes."
"Hasn't any grouch. lie's Just a
champion football player."
Posted.
"Ethel ls marrying for money."
"Ethel r
"Yes."
"Oh. Isn't It too bad?"
"Not at all. She says every up to
date girl does that way the first time."
Too Practical.
"My fortune, my estate, my all, t
will tay at your feet"
"You will Uo all of thatr
"I will."
"Think we will have to enlarge the
front lot to hold It?"
Ambiguous. ,
"About how much la be worth?"
"How much?"
"Yes."
"Do you want his commercial rating.
or are yon thinking of bribing him?"
Experience.
"I'd like to interest you In a mine."
"No use."
"Why not?"
"I got mine."
Time trying J pwi something up tu dnd
that win' ft lag a check big enough for
my immediate' necessities."
Minor Faults.
"I am afraid we cannot use your
article."
"What Is the matter with It?"
"Kor ene tklugjt la teo long."
"Auythlug else?" ."
"Well, It daasu't say anything."
"Anything else?"
"No, aside from those two ftuilts It is
oue of the Buest things I have ever
sead."
Har.Mlataka.
"My wtfe luslaU en having the best
of everything."
'! that ae?"
"indeed Hhe does."
"Seems kind o' queer."
"Does It? Whyr
"She married you, you know."
Harm leas.
They called each other naughty names,
And both got vary mad.
Thay fought according to the code
A pleasant Unit waa had.
Ex tram.
"Ha Is the laxtest man I ever saw."
"He is.''
"I should say so."
"How laiy ls hef"
"Too lazy even to draw on his Imagi
nation." , For the Good Feeder.
"You think 1 would enjoy an ocean
trip?"
"Oh, immensely."
"What to the attraction, anyway?"
"They have five meals a day."
Place to Draw the Line.
"He liked the river trip?"
"immensely."
"Then he ls fond of water scenery r.l
"uxcept when be meets It In a bath
tub."
Disturbing No Slumber.
Nero was Addling while Rom burn
ed. "I guess I'll fiddle to my heart's
content on this occasion," he chuckled
beginning the "Homan Washerwoman's
Jig." "The neighbors all appear to be
too busy with other urgent matters to
register any kicks about my fracturing
the antl-nolse ordinance." Illustrated
Sunday Magazine.
Pa in leas.
The falling down of London bridge i
Would seem a great dlaaater,
But aa the ancient atructur drops J
Tha fun la only faster. '
It's fallen down a million times, j
And no one falnta or grumblea.
It'a good for generatlona yat
To watch It aa it tumbles.
And when another fall 1 due
Tha children ahout the warning.
No heed give those who are at hand.
All thoughts of danger scorning-.
No watchman comes to ralae a hand,
Thla vandalism checking.
Tha youngsters let It up again
And go on with tha wrecking.
That London bridge la falling down '
la hardly newa worth telling.
The merchants hear It and proceed 1
- With buying and with selling, i
And passeraby along the atreet 7
Will hardly stop to wonder
Although they know a lady fair
la at that moment under.
.;. . Then keep on tumbling, London bridge.
And winning our affection.
Tou ought to do It welt by now,
Since practice brlnga perfection. i
' Uaa dally hardens ua till now .1
The thing la not appalling,
And you may b resigned ta ft, J
For you muat still keep falling. "
Being married ls a habit that many
people are totally unable to overcome.
It takes a woman to believe a lot oi
things ' and people that she doesn't
trust. - j
Boon as a man starts a bank account
his wife give It another start out
through the paying teller's window.
You can't Improve your time by tak
ing tt to a repair man. It 1 a job yoti
hav to do yourself.