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HILLSBORO ARGUS, TEBRUARV J. 19 10
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Humor and
Philosophy
r 9VJCAJt H. JMTH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
IT ALP a loaf may be better than do
bread, but half a mince pie la aa
fnod aa a fit of ak-knea from a doc
tors standpoint
There are people so atnpM that eren
If Mother Nature bad endowed them
with a fair share of common auae)
tbejr doubtless would be too awkward
to use It
Occasionally we see a man who la ao
consistently silent that we cant dodge
the conclusion that he draws a salary
for It
Forethought
If wo frt wise
And planned our way
With purpose clear
From day to day
And tn a path
Thought out woi!d re
We might heve some
Results to show.
If we would steer
Our tiny boat,
liar let It with
The current float
Nor have It litis
Here and there,
V. mlsht attain
A baven fair.
IT we could scheme
And gvt away
With some results
From day to day
We wouldn't be.
As 1 have said.
Bo like a chick
Without a bead.
We would not be.
With some bright plaa,
Just where we were
When we began.
No; we'd Improve
Our humble lot
If we were wise.
Which we are not.
Te Make the Decision.
"She doesn't know which of the two
men to marry."
That should be very easily deckl
ed." -Should ltr
"Certainly
-Howr
Look la Bradstreefa.''
Sad.
"It Is terrible."
-What lsr
"Hia wife has to take In Ktubbluf
to support him."
"Doea she?"
-lea."
"It certainly is. I presume he has
bad to resign from bis club, for do
man can belong on such a beggarly
pittance as that"
Greatly Favored.
-Money should not count In our
courts. There should be one law for
the rich and the poor."
-But the poor bare the advantage
now, so what are you kicking aboutr
-1 can't see it"
-Isn't there two laws for the poor
to every one for the rich?"
The Ancient Theme.
It Is
Beautiful snow,
On the level.
If you from a distance
Can view It
But, oh,
Lackaday.
How Its charms
Fade away
If you
Are obliged
To wade through It I
It's pretty
Enough la a picture,
A play
Or In a romance.
But not
: When necessity makes yott
To take
With a snowstorm
A chance.
How lovely
To look
At a prairie
As white f
As the sheet i
On your bed I
How painful
To drag; yourself
Through It
And finish
Tour Journey
Half dead I
For genuine
Beauty In winter,
If 1
Had my pick of the lot
You keep
All the snow
In creation
And give me
A stove
Piping hot
r".-i
to'.
Some Practice.
"Where the Chinese have the advan
tage of us la la the fact that they
have ao thoroughly cultivated pa
tience." -And we have not?"
-No. We are the most impatient
people in the world."
-Did you ever see an American but
toning up bis wife's buck?"
A Queer Cure.
At Loch Carron, Scotland, a certain
cure for eryslpelug is to cut off half of
the ear of a cut und let the blood from
either naif drop on the inflamed parts.
That Beef Boycott
Hew there comes the startling rumor that
the ultimate consumer, In a grim and
surly humor, rising up his piece to
apeak,
lays, b'Jinga, he's getting tired, the com
mandment has expired, and no long
er he's required to present the other
cheek I
So with gracious condescension you will
kindly give attention while he makes
bis little mention of his purpose,
which, in brief,
la to make a speedy trial of a bit of self
denial and, deaplte the .trust's de
crial, quit the vice of eating beef)
Chicago Tribune.
Up te Hia Deal
"Tape," mill flve-year-ohl Johnny,
-please give me a dime to buy a toy
monkey."
"You don't need a toy monkey." an
awered his father. "You are a mon
key youreelf."
-Well." continued the little folio
"then give me a dime to buy peanuts
for the monkey." Chicago News.
Divorce and the Rich.
Just a UtUe millionaire.
Just a little wife.
Mighty little happlnvaa.
Awful lot of strife.
Juat some little lawyers.
Juat a little fee.
Then a little evidence
To a referee.
Juat a little courtroom.
Juat a whispered line.
Bcratchln of the Ju.lse'a pen
And everything la fine.
Chicago Journal.
Timely Suggestion.
Skinner I don't know what I'm to
do about that Mil we owe the grocer.
He annoys me terribly.
Mrs. Skinner Well, if It comes to the
worst you can psy It
Skinner Tea; that's so, but I never
should have thought of that lntts-
burg Pres.
Mary Up te Date.
Wary had a little car;
It ran by gasoline.
Ami everywhere that alary went
The auto ceuld be seen.
One day the auto struck a rut;
Its couree was much deflected.
(The doctor says that Mary Is
As well as be expected:)
Cleveland Leader.
Information.
Even If the suffragettes had their
way," said the philosophic person,
"your wife would come to you for In
formation before she went to vote."
Tea," answered Mr. Meekton; "she
would probably ask me If her hat was
on straight" Brooklyn Eagle.
Touching Versa. XI
At Bret she touches up her hair
To sec If It's In place. ' '
And then with manner debonair l
She touches np her face.
A touch to curls behind her ear,
A touch to silken collar.
And then she's off to hubby, dear
To touch him for a dollar.
New Orleans Times-Democrat
Caught
Mrs. Jawback-Jobn, you hare a
beautiful stenographer!
Mr. Jawback Nonsense, dear! What
wakes you think
Mrs. Jawback John, this ietter you
dictated to ber Is full of mlspelled
Words! Cleveland Leader.
Ode te a Wife.
My roommate la a worthless shirk
Who never does a stroke of work.
He never seems to have a cent.
And when he has It's quickly spent
And yet, because he's kind and dear,
I do his leceons. buy his beer
And let him lead a social life.
Tou see. be makes a model wife.
Tale Record.
In the Realms of Flattery.
His majesty seems inclined to be-
Here everything he hears," said one
courtier.
Not eiactly," answered the other.
"He merely insists on not hearing
anything be does not wish to believe."
Washington Star.
The Cest of Living.
A whiskered old party named Frye
Raised a howl 'cause his bills were ao hye.
19 a barber he went
To this speech giving vent:
"It costs more to live than to dye!"
Spokane Spokesman-Review.
Winter In the Desert
Abou Ben Adbem explained.
"I have the snow promptly shoveled
from the sidewalk la front of my va
cant property," he boasted.
Herewith the angel fell over himself
to write the name first New York
Sun.
Not by Shakespeare.
There once was a fellow from Butte
Who went on a terrible time.
When he tried to drink down
All the beer In the town
The cltlxens cried, "Et tu. Brute!"
Philadelphia Ledger.
A Bad Boy's Bait
"Why is Jlmmle Jlnka so willing to
let bis mother cut bis hair?"
"It leads the other boys on to make
fun of him, and when he whips tbem
he can say they started it"-WasbIng-ton
Star.
Cost of Living.
The price of beef, like the famous cow,
Will lump o'er the moon some day.
And the tariff on milk will take a leap
Clear ap to the Milky Way.
Chicago Tribune.
The Usual Expression.
"How do these star convicted crimi
nals attempt to excuse their delin
quencies?" "In the usual way. They say usu
ally 'Pardon me.' " Baltimore Ameri
can. Prosperity and Prids.
The farmer gay of cash, they say.
Is one of our great hoarders.
He now prepares to put on airs
O'er this year's summer boarders.
Washington Star.
Realistic.
"Is be a realistic writer?"
"He could write of the old swimming
hole In a way to make your eyes swim
with tears." Kansas City Times.
Old Refrain.
Hear the Wee typewriter bell.
Tinkling bell.
What a Jolly bit of gossip
It could teU!
St Louis Post-Dlspatcb.
Naturally.
"Does yoor husband go In for golf?"
asks the caller.
-No," she answers. "He goes out
for lt"-Judge.
"Mary Ann Hubble."
I once knew a woman named Mary Ann
Hubble,
And this woman always was looking for
trouble
She was looking ail day from the time
she got up
To the candlelight hour when she sat
down to sup.
She would look all around her and search
high and low.
Just looking (or trouble where'er aha
would go.
And you may be sure that this Mary Ann
nuoDie
Had more than her share of what people
call trouble.
Deborah E. Olds In St Nicholas.
She Understood.
Plie looked at the well titled shelves.
"Are all th- new NWs?" she
asked.
"Yes." he answered.
"Ami how many are tvnlly worth
readitis?"
"Madam," ho replied, "do you ask
me as a bookseller or as a friend?"
She looked at him aud understood
aud went away empty tuuhlod.-Cleve
land l'Ulii IVatrr.
Handicapped.
The people In the flat next door
Are kindly, but
They harbor that divided bore,
A barking mutL
But little penoc arc we enjoying.
A barking dog la moat annoying.
The rule forbid It, as they know,
(to says the leaae.
If we complained he'd have to go.
And we'd art peace.
The landlord would uphold us. maybe.
Hut we can't ktck; we have a baby.
Kansas City Journal.
Pretty Hard sn Him.
Money market ain't a Joke,
As any one can see.
Fer when they aay It's "eejy"
It's pretty hard on met
I alius am suspicious,
I'm alius up a tree,
Fer when they aay It's "easy"
It's pretty hard on me!
Atlanta Constitution.
A Future Nuisancer
-Bortvwlng trouble lu-atu. are vou?
nat s the matter now?"
"I was lut wondering how It will h
possiwe to keop uuumnuerlv neonhi
from spitting overboard when every-
Douy (Ms to Hylng."-Ohlengo Record
Herald. And It Did.
"Roll on. thou mlshty ocewnr
The poet wrote hla song.
Ah. well, the bard ha had bis way.
For ever since that fateful day
The ocean has. In ceaseless play.
Been rolling right along!
Chicago Tribune.
Poor Old Ocean.
'What do you suniHwe. Algernon"
the young thing asked, "Is the reason
the ocean is salty?
I am sure I dou't know." drawUxi
Algy, "unless It U because there are
so tunny codfish in it." Success Mag
azine. Ita Origin.
Fair Cleopatra held the adder.
And aa It to her clung
She smiled, though pale and sadder,
And gently whispered, "Stung!"
-Milwaukee Sentinel.
Cause For Congratulation.
Say." sii Id the friend, "I'm in need
of a little money."
Bully for you, old man. I congrat
ulate you," replied the other. "You're
ten times better off than I am. I need
whole lot of it." Detroit Free Tress.
Mary's Mutton.
Mary had a little lamb
That filled her mind with grief.
She knew she'd get a better price
Had It been made of beet
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Ladder.
Tea; I began at the bottom of the
ladder, and now look at me!"
"But you admit do you, that some
body else provided the ladder?" Chi
cago Record-Hera Id.
Nothing So Sordid.
Toung love Its little quarrels has.
Its passing grief.
But not upon such subjects as
The price of beef.
1'lttaburg Post
Circumstantial Evidence.
"Be Vlllers has quit scorching."
"Machine all In?'
"Nope; he's dead."
"Oh, that doesn't prove anvthlmr!"-
Harper's Weekly.
The Martyr of the Air.
Death comes to daring spirits
Who wing the blue.
The sparrow's fall Is heeded.
Will man's be too?
New Vork Sun.
A Common Weakness.
Landlady Yes; I must confess I
have a weakness for coffee.
Boarder It must be sympathetic.
The cuffoe bag the same quality.
Cleveland Leader.
The Peach.
May Is a peach, thny say.
Well, she la one, I'll own
Her face Is like Its blush;
Her heart within a stone.
Judge.
Indication.
"Is that a college girl lunching with
Jack?"
"Think so. Heard her say, 'Gosh,
the lobster is bully!' "Browning's
Magazine.
Ever Notice?
The oldest kind of duffers,
Somehow they like to go
And see the chorus tripping
In a glrly-glrly show.
Birmingham Age-Herall
AT YOUR GROCEZl'S
fmuan VuwaUM Mux Oa., Foatum, Oaasas)
XF baking liV J
W the result of using I
If good flour, such aa I
It Olympic sy"1 lJ
Flour." ft a,
I If Always insist ft AiSiC
I llwestern wheat LfxJ
GRAND JURY IS
GALLED BACK
Judge Campbell Issues Order
for Return of Inquisitors.
TILL IGAIS CONVSNJ IUKCH 14
Jatlge Ileitis a Steele MsbJst aos
Heirs Case
Judge Campbell was out Morulay
and heard lie ciew of Kenton horn
roan, Uuctee, against W. K. Sl.e -rill
and wife. The allegation of
the iiUintifT was that Mr. hertill
had deedtd a lot to hi wife through
ih agency of V. P. Pyke, the
dofd first pawing to I'yke and
then to Mr. Shtrrill, and that
Mr. Shrrill also traded a tram to
Frank Weisetibtck lor a lot iu the
South Coast A Mi lion aud hid the
deed dim to Mr. SherriM, and
that the trammers we e wade iu or
der tu shut t ut creditors. The de
leave alleges that the property in
the first place personally belonged
to Mrs. Sherrill, and there was
nothing untoward in the transac
tiona. The evidence was taken
and th attorneys, Bagley St llre
tor the trustee, and J. J Jell it' y
for the defense, will file briefs for
Hii Honor's porueal Mr. and
Mrs. tMierrill (urlher claim the
tnmeetead" drlenie
The Grand Jury wae called back
to convene March 14 to take up
new criminal matters
Galbreath va. Oregon Klectric,
dieruifiel without prejudice.
V agner vs. agner, decree al
lowed.
Wall vs. Behoke, judgment on
p'etdings.
Bet for Trial: Geo. K Bagley
va. V. V. Wiley, set foi March '21;
Huston vs. Wunderlirb, March 22
Piano CcrliBcalcs
Taken at Forest drove. Certifi
oa'ei for any amount on Kiler's
Piano House, or Heed-French Piano
Co, taken at full value in pait
payment on any piano purchaeed
from K N. Slaehr, at the Bsztar,
Foreel Grove, next door to the
poetoffice. 49 50
BASKET BALL
The G ymnarium of the Knights of
king Arthur will ba the rcne of
quite a social event on rnday
night, Feb. 25. Ibe (Queens of
Avilion and the Tualatin Castle (f
the K. 0 K A. are to play basktt
ball with the Girls' Club and Meth
odist Boys' Club, of Banks. The
game between the boys is a return
game of Banks vs. HtllHboro. The
ine-up will be as follows:
Q. o. A. G. C.
I.. Weatherred r f. V. Turner
H Eminott 1 f K. Scliulmcrich
F, Schrociler c ....B. kolxrts
M. Hancock rR K. CarMi-ns
G. Emuiott lg- D. SlHll'ord
T. c. m. n. c.
G. Humpke r f J. Sc'inluirricli
L. Ballard- I f. K McGraw
C. Abbott C M. Hopkins
W. Nelson re V. Carstcns
Wilkes I g B. McConnahay
Thi virtitors 6n I the girls' club
are admitted free; lie K. 0 K. A
members will pay live cc its, and
jere al visitors ten cntH A big
time is expected and the clubs are
making extensive preparations.
Card ol Thanks
The unt'ersigned decire to thank
their friends who so kindly tender-
ed aid and sympathy during lh
sickness and death of their ibfant
BOD.
Mr. and Mrs. Chas J. Herb.
Banks, Ore., Feb. 20, 11)10.
Capt. B. M. Guiles and wife and
soos, Geo. and Ben, departed the
Bret of the week fur Jorilanton,
Texas, where the Captain has
b'Uaht 1G0 ec-ee of land, MO out
from town and 20 acres near the
new city. Jordan'o i, which was a
barren waste South of Kan Antonia,
a year ago, now has 1500 people,
and a cev railroad, with another
building through the place' Mr.
Guilea will build a shop and go in
to the plumbing biiNinese, as well
as i ud the ranch I' he makes as
good a profit on his new purchase
as he did on his llillsboro property
he will t o', have a poor investment.
For Bale Bay mare, 12 years,
weight 1,000; geotle and well-broke;
bunch grass horee, h years, weight
750, broke to drive but rather wild;
oiw, 5 years, freeh March 1; No. 6
U. 8. cream Bepirator, thoroughly
overhauled, new bowl and new
gear; 3 seated hack without top,
with sled runners to fit. Will sell
cheap for cash, or trade for young
stock F. W. Pribnow, Banks,
Oregon. 4'J-51
Pe er Evere, who has eeen 35
years in the Verboort section, and
who has added 80 acres to the
plow, cut out of the timber, was in
Baturday, paying taxes.
Bpray your trees but do mt
forget your pruning shears. We
keep the Btsndarl shears. Em
rick & Corwin.
J. P. Wagner, ith the Daily
Oregonian, was in town Monday.
Mr. Wagner i one of the Forest
Grove old timers, and baa many
friends in Washington county.
f?C
A
mm
R
fl
FOR MEN,
BAIRD
Between the Dru Stores
' 31 li
CLEANING PARLORS
The undersigned lias bought the Acme Cleaning
nd Pressing Parlors and has t n stalled a first-class
workman, who will clean and jtiss suits, coats, trous
ers, etc., in metropolitan manner. Ladies' skirts a
' ' 3' Main Street, over City baKery.
II. i;. HALL
How doM this strike you? Twen-!
ty-seven acres of land in the North'
i'latns disiriot, 6 sorts eleaie I, bal
ance in timber and pasture, six ut
1 miles fftim in, g.iod hou-e ai d
barn, for $2,500 ienis to uit pur
chaser, and a bargain at aboe
price Imbrie Lud Co.
I' P. Lorsung, who b tiht the
J. Krebs farm near Fsrmingtor,!
was up to the oily Baturday morn-
icg- i
Chris Jaggi.of near Phillips, wrs I
a ciuntv seat caller, Friday, and
visited a few minutes with lhe
Arrus.
Just south of Cornelius, we have
a fire farm of 80 aoree, all fenced '
and 30 ao ee cleared; small or
chard, 7 years old; good house and
ham, and a small creek running !
through the place, close tn school, ,
at $H5 per sore Irubrie Land Co. I
I
J. W. Price, who lived north of
town for several years, and who
sold and went bick to Clinton, j
Maine, some time ago, writes for
hi Argus another year.
The Bohiller a 10 oeut cigar
and the Grand Maroa, two for a
quarter cigar, are what yon want
when you buy a cigar. Kept a;
every bar in Hillsboto. Ask for
tbem.
J B. McNew, of below Reedville,
was In the city Monday. He says
the roads down hia way are as
"deep as any."
H B Nicholas, a practicing at
torney of Portland, was in town
Monday, attending circuit court.
Geo. and Theodore Vandemn
den, of Banks, ere in the city
Friday, on a taxpaying trip.
H. L Halvorsen and wlfs, and
John Halvorsen, of near Farming
ton, were in town Friday,
A. Bpleschart, of Bouth Tualatin,
was a caller at the Argus odice
Baturday afternoon;
Carl Pfahl, of beyond Blooming,
was over to the city Monday. Mr!
Pfahl is convalescent from an ti
tack of lagrippe.
s
E
SELLS
L
S
WOMEN AND
You Have Been Looking For
HAS COME
You can now ct that
snappy, up-to-date spring
suit fioiii Chicago's f;lsh
ional.lc tailors, The Gar
den City Tailoring
Co . , made to fit, or no sale,
and we will give io dis
count on all orders taken
he fore March i.
Yes we are still giving
20 discount on all goods
heretofore advertised, and
continually adding other
lines. Notice what yon
save by taking advantage of
the Twenty per cent.
J7.no shoes, for $0.00; $0.50 for $5.20; $3.50 for $2.80
H00 hats for $2,10; $2.50 for $2.00; $2.00 for $1.00
J1.50 underwear for $1.20, $1.25; $1.00 for 50c, 40c.
$1.00 per gal harness oil, cut to 75c now 00c.
Corsets now on sale.
We get you the top prices for your produce, try us
and be convinced.
MAYS (Q. CONOVER, ScholU, Ore.
KrneM Ihrr, of rr Soghers.
was down to tin city tlio lirs'. of
the week.
lank Heflswas tip from the Hher
wood section Monday, paying ix(,H
ami meeting his county seat frimidH
Cornmoncing with Feb. 1, we
will give away eilverware on cash
purcbaHH. Produce Rame as cash.
-Steveus Bros., Farmington.
S
H
SHOES
E
S
CHILDREN.
Mr. and Mrs. P. L. Abbott, ff
Portland, were out Sunday, gu,l1'
at the K L Abbott home.
This is the time of the yer to
build fence. Why not call nt Cor
nell fe Co 'e and investiaate priej
on American wire fence? We will
guarantee to save you money.
J. A. Thornburgb, present of
the Foreet drove National Ilnk
was down to the city Monday'