AOC 4
HILLSBORO. AROU9, NOVEMBER 11, 1909
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PROMOTER
Ml
HARD
UP
Caller Suffering From Toothache
Comes to His Rescue." -
SCHEME KILLS ACHING MOLAR
InUrMtff-CwittaV Patient ht an liw
Binary Real Estate Deal Majar
Than Borrow $5 From Latest Vle
tlm anrfOliippaai'a.'-"- -
By M. QUAD. -
CCopyrlcht. 1M, by Aaeoclaled Literary
1TMX j
CROFOOT. frand pro
of arand enterprtoee,-
al J! took three dimes, a nickel
and four coppers from ' his
pocket and laid1 tbem oo his desk. Tba
89 cents represented his total" cah as
sets, tat be did not Inveigh against
mankhMTbor curse hta lock. On the
contrary, be anilled nand was bopefuh
Something rootf was bound to com
hia way' "before night. He was won
dering Jwt what sort or Sucker Tt
would W when" there was a knock at
the doeryIn a fit of recklesanea the
major eYfed out and next moment be
held a man with his )iv tied op. '
The major Sherlocked Holraesed the
ease In an Instant. There was a den-
After looting over the Northwest for
an extended time, we concluded that -
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HAS -FINK FAIR
Hillsboro
was the point and we have bought the
Grocery and
Boot and Shoe Stock
i y formerly owned by John Dennis, and
j have added to this a line of
j -v-
Gents Furnishing' Goods
BKEKLO A MAS WITH BO JAW TIE) VT.
tut one Sight up. Here's a man with
the toothache. The one sought the
ether. There might Be something In It
"TootliacbeT ebl Come right tar
said the promoter.
"I haven't alept a wink tn three
nights,'' replied the man In a plaintive
voice.
"Nor Badthlnr'Xetinelookatlt
I see
"How ranch do yon charge "for pull,
lng a'toothr -
"I shall not pull yours. ' There Is bo
seed of It. ' It's simply I case of low
spirits affecting the teeth. Ton bare
been worrying about something-.'
"Yes, r haTe bad trouble with my
wife. I never heard before that worry
affected the teeth." '
"It was only discovered about a year
go, sod tow all dentists Include It In
their practice. Millions of teeth could
bare 'been saved if this had been
known a' "hundred years ' ago. My
friend, yoo have money?" :
"Just a little: That's where I am
having -trouble -with my wife. ' She
wautaihe to put It Into land." "
"And yoo are too long headed. Ton
realize that this Is becoming an earth
quake'eoflntry and that any land fom
boy may'smk out of sight sny moment
I knew you to be a sharp, keen man
the moment you entered; Real estate,
where It doerot sink between two days
and Mve a yawning chasm not worth
dollar-sir acre, pays about 15 per
cent "profit"' Jou nor no other-sharp'
man Is content with that ' Fifteen per
eentf "Why, 'man, I wouldn't go to the
bother of banking It Is your tooth
ache a little better?" -
Pain Eases Up a Bit '
"Yesf since we began talking it has
eased tip a bit"
"Forget it. Talking abont profits,
bow would-you like to- be certain -ef
100 percent on fcn Investtnentr "
"Gee! It must pay to tlx up teeth.
"Oh, I don't make it tn dentistry, but
outside. It Is rather curious your
dropptor'lrf here this morning. I was
looking for a square jawed man with
white eyebrows to come Into a good
thlnglth me." Ion see," I am a hit
superstitious. - The biggest lock I've
had In my life was with such men. I've
always let them In oh the ground floor
trf my enterprises. 1 r promote, yon
knowvThat is, t organise great com
panies and float them and make ban
dreds'of thousands of dollars at a time.
Am Jnst Closing out the Great Amer
ican Canned Liver company, becaose it
didn't make but 12,000,000 last year. I
can't afford to" give ray time to such
cheap cBn'Cerns. Got John D. Hock,
feller to take It off my hands.' Tooth
ache getting still betterr
"Hlght !elong. - I don't hardly fed tt
BOW."
"Itll all be gone tn ten minutes
more. Yes, you have the square Jaws
and "the "White' eyebrows. You are a
natural money maker:7 All you need
to 'Mart-'
"But how am I to start?" asked the
other as be looked at the major in
considerable anxiety."
That Has' been the question with os
all. my friend.1' T started on a single
Bicker' twenty years ago and am now
worth-Well.' you'd hardly believe
aoe If I should give you the figures.
In your case your' rise to affluence
Will be comparatively easy and much
more rapid; "Ton have me behind yoo,
ou see.
. "What! rre yon going to do some
thing for wr
"Mnmt aaanrnrilv Ttnk nut for Wall
streets -Look out for reaV estate spec
slater .Lookout for green goods moo
nd silver mining stocks. Come to aw
w heir yea want to Invest Yon haven't
beard of the Wide World Music SqaaJi.
ar, I take Itr. .
.... "No, air." . . ..
"Of aware ot. as the company baa
Nan organtxetf whly'a week. The eap
Ital la mo00,000, and the dividends
jtiaije at toast 100 jer cent tba first
We sol kit a share of public patronage
and pledge that we will sustain the re
liability of the; Dennis' btore. We will
be pleased to meet you and will make it
worth your while.
W YATT v& CO.
Gonnell S Go.
; We wish to announce to our CUSTOMERS that
' we have secured the exclusive selling agency on
! ! VAN DUZER'S EXTRACTS.
These extracts have been analyized by every
' State Chemist in the United States and are found
: to be absolutely pure, of superior strength and
delicacy of flavor, in order to close out our old
line of extracts we will give one 20c bottle of
Van Duzer's Famous Vanilla free with every
bottle of extract purchased from our old line. Do
not let this opportunity go by to get the best bot
itle of Vanilla Extract in the United States, Abso-'
lutely Free.'
Two Dottles of Extracts for the price of
' ONE. '
year.
"Br thunder, but that's rood enonirh
tot ma! Uugbed the man aa he slap
ped hb leg.
Toothache ail goner
Ton bet!" Not a twinge left."
"We waHt a man with sauare laws
and whits eyebrows to take the posi
tion of secretary. " You csn count
money" and draw checks, cant you?"
"I'd Ilk a chance to try It What
la the ftmgTanyhowr "
"My dear friend, t take it that too
aiw a fatherTJ I take It that yon hare
two or three children? I take it that
those children squall more or less, dis
turbing the family and the nelghborsT
I take It that snanklnr and mfflnr
hasn't and wbBt Stop the squalling?
Am 1 correct 7"
To a dot" Say. yon know thins
yon do." '
Tea, a few." said the matcrr. with a
grand wave of Ws hand. The squafi-
tng ef etodren la a nuisance. It Is at
fbe present dare, but wait a month.
Walt oatfl uf new invention comes
dot" What ft Hw a -nuisance- wilt then
he a ley to the world Parnnta of
every nation wffl then encourage their
ctmaren te wafl and sqnafl. They will
even stick tAna in them to set nn
eaterwatulng.'.
By GeeTre. yon mnst have
thig on handr exclaimed the delight-
"We have, my friend, er 1 should mot
be talWtif re yon. I have Invented a
tittle device b-weh everv annaN nt
every hswy far the land la twried Into
nrusw. ' Oae bwfcy wlil sutwly the fam-
tty aid the neighbors-wtth all the
nrasie they want te bear day and night
A pair of sqoalTlng twins wtM take
care Of a whole Woek. Trlnleta wM
franlsh nraste for a vlllaee. Elirht or
ten babies atjnalllng at the same time
wm Be me same as two brass bands
going. No more use for ttttle German
bands,-hand organs-and hams. Mav
etrurches will now do awav with
choirs.'
Explains tha Oavlee. '
'By Qeorgl By GeorEe!" whbMrMf
the caller.
"The device Is so arranged" miUn.
aed Hie major, "that It wHI cos vert Hm
WDhies, sQuaiis and coHckr nt
babyhood and CbRdhood Inte topical or
sacred rnseic."" Yon can aft rtrht In
your own house and bear ths oaera
scores. . Runs frera 'Johnny, Get tone
Gun,' to art the gospel hymns. The de
vice costs us 13 cents to manufacture
and sells on sight at a dollar. Im
proves the health of any child that
squalls into It Everv famllv wants
from one to Ave. And now. hare you
got 5 about your
"Yes. of course.".
Then lay It on the desk here. It is
an earnestness that you won't dye
your eyebrows black while with us.
After four weeks It will be returned
to you. Meanwhile I shall go lltrht on
yon the first day and not ask you to
count over a hundred thousand dol
larswork you In gradually, you know.
Keep your Jaws square and your eye
browa white and success Is sorely
yours. Oh, I forgot to state that your
salary as treasurer will be $20,000 for
tba first year."
"You don't mean It!"
"And now,' as I have an appointment
w1tbBothacblld for this hour, I will
bid yon good day and-and"
Afid the UiAU was crowded out and
tba door shut on bis toes. He stood
for a moment and then went slowly
downstairs and started off, but ten
minutes later Ijo was. back Doundlua
on the major's door and calling:
"Yoo old scoundrel, but the tooth
iches worse than ever, and I believe
you were lying about that squaUer!
Gimme my money baekt"
But the grand promoter was far, far
away and thanking Providence that he
could now pay his board for another
week.
While the building season is at
an and, Hillsboro has lo reason to
be other tbsn proud if building
operations tbjs year, and next year
wilt , see other structures bo. It
The town baa been Riven twr
creditable depots, one big concrete
block ' and tba Pythian brick, be
eide fifty or sixty cottages, and a
large amount of concrete walk he
been laid Next year will sea the
good - work go on, what with the
building of a sawmill, and psrhap
two, and the general building
which .follows the advent of such
enterprises. J. A. I m brie will
bull, no doubt, either this Winkr
or early in the Spring, and the
Il-tdel bailding, - between -the
Grange brick aud the Odd Fellows'
ball, will be ttnrel to completion
as soon as weather and workmen
will permit. This structure has
tba advantage of two walla already
built, and only tbe brick work .for
front and rear is ne d-d to get the
walla ready fur a ro f .
The rainfall of 'hi past two weeks
has run assy al e id of tba avcage
by this time of the year, computing
fnm Sep ember 1. Inasmuch as
we have bad a dry Bummer this if
not surprising, although if is nn
common so early in the season.
Tbe a either bureau at Portland
Tuesday morning gives as an ex
cfss of rainfall in the sum of 0 74
of an inch. The total rainfall op
to that time since Sept. 1 was 7.11
incbee.
. J. C. Besob, of near Glencoe, was
in jeaterday, and says tbera is not
nearly as much acreage sown to
Fall wheat as there was this time
last eeason. Much' of what "has
been put in was seeded on what is
known as "d'y plowing." - 8tubb e
is now too wet for plowing and un
less the weather clears op scon
Fall rown grain will out of tbe
queetion. If we have - an open
VV inter, however, late sown grain
will do remarkably well.
bis sjo, D.'. A K. Tamieeie, of 8a
It-tn, were called to Portland the
last of the week, owing to tbe severe
illness of the elder Mrs. Tamiesie,
who is at the home of Dr. UiO. W.
Tam!eie. The patient has been
suffering from heart trouble for
some time.
Geo W. Schulmericb, who is tbe
Oregon Graud Prelate for tba K. of
P , was a Salem visitor, Tuesday
evening, attending a district con
vention of tbe order. John M.
Wall, past grand chancellor. . wee
also present at the mtetlug. .
Ulrich B&rtnchiYof Mouotaindale,
was down to the city Monday.'
Over One Hundred , People,
Participate io Annual Event
SPLINPIB DISPLAY OP PRODUCTS
Vakhtegtsa Gcaagt jij II ret aa Cam
1 I pare lhi Best
Washington Grange No. SIS, Mrs.
Sarah . Harvey, secretary, held a
ve-y successful annual f.ir last
Satardey, aed the sxbibits were
Bns aaaould be found anywhere in
ths world.: It waa big Jjlllflcatioo
for tba grangers, and over 100 peo
ple were in attendance." This an
oual .tain la-. a featura wita this
Grange, and aaeh year it stimulate
for better production, better house
wivsry, , and . av better - 00 turn unity
epirilThe prises wars awarded aa
follows;
fibst muss . .
John Crockar Kail ahat tin r.,
ucrura, peara, auver pi u oca. a ,
1,.!.. 1! .L-l 11 u7 .. . . '
too wuiums Veatch. late row no-
laiuca, vmcago nut art potatoes, rlat
Dutchcabbarr. Yellow AhrnWn rRu.
red top turaiiia, eqiMsh, winter tadiah.
BMRiuuin . peptirt. Doond nem .in.
atrawberries. Silver Cra lUni.m rkiA.
eoa. ceach d:uui-.i Mm U.'iiii..,.. t..
Harve Keenon Alfalfa, . ,
Hrvin Kellcy Green coin.
J K lMckrfaoo Vrllnw IVnt -or U
ear, Gloria Mnmlt apples, Notthern Spy
Marion Westcott Pop-corn.
John toftit Batbank potatora.
A Coidoa New Bra potatoes.
Airs Anna Weir Hreta. Mntnmrr
squaan, poppel ppp-coin,..., ,
Albert Lynn Carrotta, ,
Arthur ReynoUs Kale, pears, Ben Da
via ario'ea. --
Stanley Hahn Parsnips, Kohl rabl.
Chas atiller-Stin flowers, pampkios.
Geo Cvoheiwttubv Kin Mnwn Hi.
play KagliahsvalnBiarnlbctts and cheat
nata.
Duane Olarvey Spittcaberg apples,
Rhode lalaod Ke4.chtkena, White Leg;
auru
Geo Kelley Cabinet of nata. .
Arthnr Morvan l"rrhM
Mra John I-nftlaKra..
uroiuemi aouy, Bell tuachla.
Mrs Deaiia Ilaiiw r.wTwt M
dcu tomatoes, Logan berrtes.
aomu rna r . 4 inniii annMh.u..
Mrs Geo- Cvuber l'iunrl nn.h.1.
ries, peaches, tomato pieserrts. wool
work, pin cushion.
Mrs T - C Miller Tinnxl .lunlu
enrysantnetname.
Misa Nellie OotdoBJalliM .. .
M ra Charles Miller Cucumber pickita.
reier noumin tioat akin inar.
nw iicuw j ones eoia nuow.
Mrs Geo Hellaire Tatting collar
Mrs M Oahnrn R.tlnK.r
aoaaow emDroiaery.
SBCOND PRIZES
A Gordon Burbank potatoes.
Albert Lynn Green corn.
Thos Williams Red cabbage,
Geo Cypher Red top turnips.
John Loftis Kale, aonflowcra.
Chas Miller Late Knm mUlnH.
J E Dickeraon 8pitxenberg apples,
Duane Harvey Ben Davit apple a.
Thos Williams Kaffir r.r rit
, . r -
Hnwocmn,
Geo Morean Enirliah walnnta
Mra Duane Harvey Canned neaa ran.
ucu urana, sirawoernea.
Mrs Thos Williams Prac Vim
Mra Geo Cypher Canned neara. kilch
en arjicn.
Mrs John Miller Canned peach plums,
uanuaa.
Mrs John Crocker Canned cherries
bus Annie weir Jelli.i.
Miaa I.ola Heiling Qailu.
Mra Geo Hellaire Sofa pillow.
Mra John Loftia V.rarhrttrA
chrvaanthemnma.
Mra M Oabotn Mount Mcllick work.
EMR1CK HBFFLEY
A pretty home wedding was cele
brated at tbe new home of bridn
and groom, on Baseline Street, Sat
urday afternoon, at 2:30, Nov. 6
rJU-j,wnen Mr Daniel Emrick and
Mrs. Mae Hi file v ware nniuH in
marriage, Bev. Ouy Stover, of tba
livangeiicai - Church, , officiating.
rhe ceremony wasDarformed in tie
presence of relathaa and a few in
vited friends. Light refreshments
were served, and Mr. and Mrs. Em
rick deparied for a short wedding
trip, after congratulations bad been
tendered. Tboea preeeot were. Mr.
and Mrs. Stephen Hensley, J. H
ueneley and wife. H Wehrnna anri
wife, D. Corwin aod wife, G. A
Wehrung,. Uren P. Jackson and
lie, W. K, McUoort and wif
Chas. Koonfi and wife. M iaa Kva
Catching, Miss Fay Corwin, Julius
Boreoeon and wife. Mra. Jos
Downs, Ward Downs, Hillsboro;
W. U. Wehrunrr and wir !...
Wisdom and wife, and , Miaa Allen
Wehrung, Portland.
Card ot Thanks
We wish to sincerely thank thnaa
V w M v77
of our friends wbn tendered us aid
and sympathy during -our recent
bereavement, the illnees and d-ath
of our dearlv hlnvAl mntka
grandmother, Mrs. Christopher, of
7TX Tamiesie, of this oily, and Moa.DtiDf,," Dd del' to tender
r-t is m m I An-niAl Ihslnira 9r ilia k.a!af..1
special thanks for the beautiful
floral offe-ings at the funeral.
Mrs. Celia Thompson fe Family
Mounlaindale, Or., Nov. 9, 1909
SHOOTING GALLERY
R DiGunia has bought the Corne
lius restaurant, Cornelius, and es
tablished a shooting gallery in tbe
rear. Shooting for turkeys syary
day. Give him a call.
35 7 R. DeOunia, Prop.
A. K MoCqmeey, the Monntaia'
dale sawmill man, was ig the city
Monday, afternoon.-.. He is still
running th'mill on railroad orders.
BffMfi
I s't he one season of all the year when
everyone is interested in the Kind
of good to ma he .them comfortable.
-t"
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Men's -
Cravenettea .
Sllcher Rain hats 1 ...
Rubber boots , ,
High top shoes
MacKlnawa
Ladies i
Oil clothtcaps ,
Rubber boots
Rubber shoes
Arctic vshoes
Children's
Rubbef boot h
Boys! U ftlrh rubber?
Illgltop shoes v ,
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SEELS
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THEM
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Between the Dru Stores
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21
Tfcna chappcrs
kon without
' enuliltt(, will
m Mt a. 1.
taW UmU" '- "
fniU,tt..M' '. ""I'" 'J -t blKkaat
, eoaraa or aa S'tl. rrkc ije.
onv aa f ou
Steaat. Small .
OUiaralaaa a
JBte; BatdKT Balm. Mxlruf hlKht f ra.1. era.
IB. . , aibit ileal. Alwar..l.arn. 1'Vi,-.. !J..r!z
' T .jw.
laaa
ttntlmnt. Alwayt tharp. Cut bned
. . wllliual ba.Klluir II. trie.
, .aea Saner JbsawmT ' "
IV.
'NELSON HARDWARE CO.
.. aa.i ... .
Mrsii Wltoboro
Christmas
Is.
On
; The
Way
Wc are to receive the fin
est and largest stock of
Christmas Goods,,.,
ever brought to Ilillabora
We tell you this before the
season opens, so you will
know where to buy.
We will have .every con
ceivable kind of gift in the
way of useful articles,
well as unique toys tn
bestwe can get from Toy
JandvV
We will have m rirami nnAninti i pmm
mas Goodsion-December 6, and oar stock is
mnmtriArli M ' i . .
iiiamiiiuiu lum ana selection,
the date. -
RememDer