HtUSBORO. ARCU?, NOVEMBER 4, 18C9
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PROMOTER
HARD
. Caller Suffering From Toothache
Comes to His Rescue,
SCHEME KILLS ACHING MOLAR
Intareata DantiatV Patient In lav
aginary Raal Eatate Deal Majar
Than Borrowa $5 From Latest Vic
tim and Diaappaara.
By M. QUAD.
ICoprrlcht, lfnt, by Aaaociat Utrry
Praaa.)
AJOR CltOFOOT. grand pro-
moter of grand enterprises,
took three dime, a nickel
ami four copper from bis
pocket and laid them on Us desk. The
S3 centa represented hla total casb as
sets, but be did not Inveigh against
mankind nor curse bis lock. On the
contrary, be smiled and was hopeful
.Something good was bound to coma
his way before night Be was won-
' dertng Just what sort of sucker It
would be when there was a knock at
the door. In a (It of recklessness tbe
major cried out and next moment be
held a man with his jaw tied op.
The major Sberlocked Holniesed tbe
case In an Instant. There was a den-
BKHXXD A kUX WITH BIS JAW TIID TTt.
tUt one flight up. Here's a man with
the toothache. The one sought tbe
other. There might be something In It
"Toothache, eb? Come right in"
said the promoter.
"I haven't slept a wink In three
nights," replied tbe man In a plaintive
vplee. ,
"No? Bad thing. Let me look at It
I see."
"How much do yon charge for pull.
tag a tooth?" ,
"I shall not pull yours. There la ne
' need of It. It's simply a case of low
spirits affecting tbe teeth. Too bare
been worrying about something."
"Yes, I have had trouble with my
wife. I never beard before that worry
affected the teeth."
"It was only discovered about a year
ago, and now all dentists Include It In
-. their practice. Millions of teeth could
have been saved If this bad been
known- a hundred years ago. My
friend, you have money T
"Just s little. That's where 1 am
having trouble with my wife. 8ns
wants me to put it into land."
"And you are too long beaded. Yoa
realize that tbls Is becoming an earth
quake country and that any land yoa
buy may sink out of sight soy moment
1 knew you to be s sharp, keen man
tbe moment you entered. Heal estate,
where It doesn't sink between two days
.nd leave a yawning chasm not worth
a dollar an acre, pays about 15 per
' Cent profit You nor no other sharp
man Is content with that Fifteen per
--cent! Why, man, I wouldn't go to the
bother of banking It Is your tooth
1 ache a little betterT
Pain Eaaea Up a Bit
"Yes; since we began talking It has
eased up a bit"
"Forget it Talking about profits,
. how would you like to be certain of
100 per cent on an Investment'"
;. v "Gep; n mugt pgy t0 fix Up teeth."
. .. "Ob, I don't make it in dentistry, but
outside. It is rather curious your
dropping in here this morning. 1 was
.looking for a square jawed man with
white eyebrows to come into a good
thing with me. You see, I am a bit
superstitious. The biggest luck I've
had In my life was with such men. I've
' always let them In on the ground floor
:. of my enterprises. I promote, you
.' know. That is, I organize great com
panies and float them and make bun-.-.
tired of thoubands of dollars at a time.
Am just closing out the Great Amer
ican Canned Liver company, becaoao It
. didn't make but $2,000,000 last year.
can't afford to give my time to such
cheap concerns. Got John D. Rocke
feller to take it off my hands. Tooth
ache getting still better?"
' "Right slotig. I don't hardly feel it
now."?
"If 11 ajl be gone In ten minutes
more. Yes, you have tbe square Jaws
and the" white eyebrows. You are
natural money maker. All you need
is a start."
"But how am I to start?" asked the
other as he looked at tbe major in
I
willlil
. ' considerable anxiety.
"That has been the question with us
II. my friend. I started on a single
nickel twenty years ago and am now
worth Well, you'd hardly believe
me If I should give you the figures.
Io your case your rise to affluence
will be comparatively easy and much
nor rapid. Yoa have me behind you,
you see."
..". "What! Are yoa going to do so roe
thing for mer
"Most assuredly. Look out for Wall
street. Look out for real estate spec
Blatora. Look out for green goods men
and silTer mining stocks. Come to me
when you want to Invest You haven't
. beard of the Wide World Music Squall
er, I take it?"
: "No,. air,"
Of course not as the company has
been organised only a week. The cap
ital la $10,000,000, and tbe dividend
ylU be at least 100 per cent the first
F"
TO THE
After looking over
an extended time,
Hillsboro.
was the point and we have bought the
Grocery and
Boot and Shoe Stock
formerly owned by John Dennis, and
have added to this a line of
Gents' Furnishing; ' Goods
We solicit a share of public patronage
and pledge that we will sustain the re-,
liability of the Dennis' Store. We will
be pleased to meet you and will make it
worth your while.
WYATT
Gonnell & Go.
We wish to announce to our CUSTOMERS that
we have secured the exclusive selling agency on
VAN DUZEFVS EXTRACTS.
These extracts have been analyized by every
State Chemist in the United States and are found
to be absolutely pure, of superior strength and
delicacy of flavor, in order to close out our old
line of extracts we will give one 20c bottle of
Van Duzer's Famous Vanilla free with every
bottle of extract purchased from our old line. Do
not let this opportunity ; go by to get the best bot
tle of Vanilla Extract in the United States, Abso
lutely Free.
Two Dottles of Extracts - for the price of
ONE.
year.
By thunder, bat that's good enough
tor me!" langbed tbe man as be slap
ped bis leg.
"Toothache all goner
"Ton bet! Not a twinge left"
- "We. want a man with sqnsre Jsws
ind white eyebrows to take the posi
tion of secretary. You can count
money and draw checka, can't yoa?"
"I'd like a chance to try It What
Is the thing, anyhow r
My dear friend. I take R that you
are a father? . 1 take it that you nave
two or three children? I take It that
those children squall more or less, dis
turbing the family and the neighbors?
I take It that spanking and cuffing
hasn't and won't stop the sqaalling?
Am t correct?"
To a dot. Say, yoa know things, '
yeu do."
Yes, a few," said the major, with a
grand ware of hla hand. "The squall
ing of children la a nuisance. It la at
tbe present date, but wait- a month.
Walt until oar new invention comes
oat What la now a nuisance will then
be a Joy to tbe world. Parents of
every nation will then encourage their
children to wall and squall. They will
even stick pins in them to set ep.a
caterwauling."
By George, yoa mast have some
thing on bandr exclaimed the delight
ed caller.
We have, my friend, or I should not
be talking to yoa. I bare Invented a
little device by which every squall of
every baby in the land la turned Into
music. One baby will supply the fain
tly and the neighbors with all the
music they want to bear day and night.
A pair of squalling twins will take
care or a whole block. Triplets will
frunlsb mnslc for a village. Eight or
ten babies squalling at tbe same time
will be tbe same as two brass bands
going. No more use for little German
bands, hand organs and harps.' Many
chore bes will now do away with their
cholra."
Explains the Device.
"By George! By George!" whispered
Ibe caller.
"Tbe device Is so arranged," con tin
ned tbe major, "that it will convert the
whines, squalls and colicky yells of
babyhood and childhood into topical or
sacred music. Ton can sit .right in
your own bouse and bear the opera
scores. Rons from 'Johnny, Get Your
Gun,' to all tbe gospel hymns. - Tbe de-
rice costs as 13 cents to manufacture
snd sells on sight at a dollar. - 'Im
proves tbe health of any child-that
squalls into it Every family wants
from one to five. And now, have yoa
got 15 about your
"Yes, of course."
"Then lay it on the desk here. It la
an earnestness that you won't dye
your eyebrows black while with us.
After four. week sjt will be returned
to yon. Meanwhile I shall go light on
you tbe first dsy snd not ask yoa to
count over a hundred thousand dol
larswork yoa in gradually, you know.
Eeep your jaws square and your eye
brows white and success is surely
yours. Oh, I forgot to state that your
salary as treasurer will be $20,000 for
the first year."
"You don't mean It!" ""'
"And now, as I have an appointment
with Rothschild for this hour, 1 will
bid you good day and and"
And tbe man was crowded oat and
the door shut on bis toes, ne stood
for a moment and then went slowly
downstairs and started off, bat ten
minutes later Ije was back Doundlna
1
PUBLIC
I
the Northwest for
ve concluded that
& CO.
on the major's door snd calling:
"You old scoundrel, but the tooth
sches worse than ever, and I believe
yoa were lying about that squaller!
Gimme my money back!"
But the grand promoter was far, far
away and thanking Providence that be
could now pay his board for another
week.
Not Expecting Tee Muah.
- "I suppose your remarks In congress
wUI be listened to with great inter
est?" "My friend," said tbe statesman, "in
congress a man Is lucky to get a
chance to make a speech without ex
pecting people to listen to It." Wash
ington Star. ' ' .-.
When He Oats Time. '
"When I fit time," said Halaey Blmeas
One day In Stokaa atora,
"I'm fotn' to nx ray.fencee up
An' eloae my farm onea mora;
I'm goln' to clean my pasture lot
- Uv all the nnderbrueh.
I'm coin' to do all that." aaid he.
"When I git threw my rush.
"An' then I'm coin' to dl a wall
Ctoaa by the kitchen door,
Bo we won't hev to lug our drink
Pur ha'f a mile or more;
I'm gota to dam my madder lot
An' put my lea In tree.
No aanae In burin' tea at all,"
Bald Ralaey Stroma to me.
"An' then." said ha. ''whan 1 git time
I'm font' lnte the woods
An' cut seme timber fur a barn
' To hoi' my farmln' fooda
The one I've sot ain't bis enoufh
An' when I fit that done
I'm goln' to keep a dosen cowa
Instld nv only one."
, An' Halaey dreamed an' talked by day
An' planned an' talked by nlfht
About tbe thbifa 'at be would do
Whenever time come rtf ht
. iHe'a talkie' uv 'eta )eet:lhe same
In Blokes' atora today.
But Halaey ain't no dlfferunt
From people fur. away.
Jo Cone in Boston Herald.
In a Street Car.
Two young ladles boarded a crowd
ed street car and were obliged to
stand, saya the Washington Post One
of them to steady herself took bold
of what she supposed waa her Mand'a
hand. They bad stood tbas for some
time, .when on looking down she dis
covered that' she was holding a man's
band. Greatly embarraaaed, she ex
claimed, "Oh,, I've . got tbe wrong
hand!" ' .-'---
Whereupon the man, with a pmile,
stretched forth his other hand, say
ing, "Here Is the other one, madam."
Twe Sides te aVerytkles
A little boy was given too much on
derdone rHe for bis suDper and was
soon roaring lustily. , . , '
His mother's visitor was visibly dis
turbed. -
"If be was my child," she aaid,wbe
would get a good sound spanking."
"Be deserves it" the mother admit'
ted, "but I don't believe in spanking
btm on a full stomach."
Neither do I." said the visitor, "but
I'd turn him over." Success Maga
sine.
Would Ceuldit Be.
Teacher Now, Willie, yon describe
the north pole as nearly as you can
from hearsay. . ,
Willie I I don't want to, ma'am.
Teacher Don't want to? Why not?
Willie All I've beard about It Is
what pa said, and ma said if be kept
on talkifi' that way she'd take me and
run away over to grandma's. Boston
Herald. ' ' -. -
!BIG EQUIPMENT FOR
TILLAMOOK KIIIM
i
i
General .Manager C V. Lytic
Reports big Inquisition
FIVE KEV ENGINES AKI 0KDEKED
Cenplcle List l Kelllat Stock far
Jaly Delivery
That tbe Pacific Railway & Navi
gation Company expects to have
bath end of lh railway betwien
here and Tillamook welJfd togeth
er by -July 1 1 evuie fed by tie
fact that General Manager L. h.
Lyil reports that the order for rol
ing stock has been placed and wil
be delivered at the Hillsboro jarde
not later than July 1. Mr. Lylle
state that the very beet of tquip-
menl has been selected and the
rt quiaition include the following:
Two ten wheel paieenger ergine,
wheel diameter, 63 inches.
Th ee ten wheel freight engine,
wheel diameter, (7 inches.
Three combination baggage and
mail oar.
Six vestibule passenger coaches,
standard
Two standard caboose car.
Twenty Rogers' ballast gondola
Fifty steel frame flat cars.
Twenty five eland a rd box oar,
capacity, 85,000 lbs.
Two combination strain (hovel
and frame.
This requisition will cost about
I300.000.and with the round house,
chops, yards and terminal ground,
will represent an expenditure oi
practically a millioi dollars. Shop
and engine houses will be built at
Hillsboro, a well a on the other
end of tbe line, and coach houaet
will also be necessary.
Mr. and Mr. B. C. Hollenteck,
of Muuntaindale, are (till at liuey
dau, La , and write that they are
still threehirg rice down in thai
section. B. C. helped' them in this
work, and thinks they are not very
close thresher. The weather there
is fine, epiccd with motqaitoe.
They were interested in the pepper
growing; the cane planting for
next year' crop; the sugar mill
and re6neriee; the cotton oil mills,
and the oil wells. They start for
Oklahoma this week, where they
visit friends and relatives, and
then start on their way for Oregon,
via California.
The wet neither has stopped the
team grading up in the mountain
on the P. R ft rv, and many
scraDsr outfits have departed for
Win'er quarters and to work on
tbe Hill road running into Central
Oregon. A buooh of stock and
scraLers passed throjga town
Tuesday, and a large number of
laborers passed down on the Til la
mook line Monday evening.
Ed. Kraus, of Blooming, was ib
town Tuesday and probably you
think it doeen t pay to rates good
colts. He recently sold 2 sixteen-
months colls and two suckling
colts, 6 and 6 month, fr 1450
There's money for you! His father,
Eroent Krau, has sold his farm,
and advertise a pnblio sale for
Nor. 18, found in ai.o.her ojlumu
David R-ehiUo. who owns a floe
onion ranch this side of Beaverton,
was op to the city Tteiday. He
recently lost a valuab'e cow, which
strayed away, and which be is un
able to fi .d even although exteo
sively advertised. More than like
ly th anim il went to a Portland
Lu'.cbei's block.
Fred Wilcox, of at ore Greenville,
was in town today, enronte to Port
and. Mr. Wilcox was a gueet of
bis neter, Mrs. i P. Tamieeie,
bile in the county re it Hie
brother, Rithtrd, for years a loot
in live engineer on a Mexican
railroad, is living at Grteuviile
and Fred says he occasioi, ally g-ts
ae-ick to see the ctcia and
cat e.
Caeh Mead, who resided here
number of years ago, is the guest of
his brother, M M. Mead. He now
resides at Springfield, Lane Co
Hie daughter, Miss tie jriiia.acoom
pantes him. lis sees much Im
provement here since he departed
tor the Southern part of the state.
We believe ws have the strongest
line of button shoes for ladies in
town. . And yoa will say most rea
sonable. Pretty, patent ik, kid,
button shoes for ladies, only $2 25
Patent leather button, very dressy,
$2 60.
B. C. Suit, editor and reporter
on the Forest Grove Press, the new
paper wh ch makes its initial ap
pearance this week, was in town
yesterday in the interests of hia
paper.
J. B Walker, who has an onion
ranch near Ureenberg station, on
tbe Oiegon Klectrio, below Beaver
ton, ana wno reports a nne crop
this season, was in town Monday
Wanted Parties to clear 15
scree of land. Will pay $40 to
$50 psr acre. Fred Haasn, 6 mileB
south of Hillsboro, Cornelius, Ore ,
Route 2 m 4
..James Churchill, of Gales Creek,
and who is well known down this
way, was a county seat vioitor yes
terday, appearing before the coun
ty board on business.
Sells
All
kinds
S of
shoes
The Nelson Hardware Co.
Now is the Time for Heaters
Ours is the PLACE to Get Therh.
The Great Western
A Beauty
I he Nelson Hardware, Companf
Everyone hnows that Armor
Plote Hose stnnd the "Rnchett"
THEY ARE GUARANTEED
BAIRD
Between the Drutf Stores
An Office Oil Heater
Fine for Bedroom.
Our heaters can not be excelled
for durability and finish. They -will
grace any parlor. We have stoves
for $1.23 up to $15.00. We deliver
md set up free of extra charge.
Call In and see our heaters before
you buy elsewhere.
Main Street Hlllahnm
-For
hsjr kinds
feet
-3!
The Wood Superior
Neat and Nobby.
Ml