HILLS BORO AR0U9 OCTOBER 28, l09
PAfiE 3
GHTING EDITOR,
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L-,1... .Iitlnf IMI an viw-
tor tb article wrong la
. .. i. .iA he Ahaer
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U iiitipl; rd-ed
I miKf twb n .tk apiru
f ... ...i ..r. fooled b lHbf p-
L .k, made uu hl Wind tbat
Ijat H"P h "1",rr """f"1
- - . . . . .
Lid t lb of lb Journal
I i.i.,k,i.inii blm and pro-
I u, listened lo pultly by
l- dutbJ tttrrrrA M
L rklmlfC. !K.(bcf lUof, WbO
L (Mind M Cbktlr4 llUo in I
htahMi la Utii xtl rwa
Lit fiullll7 iirrJ la (Wp
I .( car lb rlllx0 r IM 1
Ltnlti hl builutibol
p Hllrd bla raw. to wblrb lb
1st lUlrtwd llrOllly tlld !
L I ladmlaud. WMf. ImI
LrN Mir firual of .lrmUln
tl'ltbal II lol im
( riirrrnllllv of (tt M
Uti ib tKtir to rrrer to
kail Kko UI rail umo you Ifet
Uatld (bat all b io4 t
llow. bul taltllr tw Ulklnf
Irft blm alatHtlni U. TM
V'.iif marhlue ajriil rrb( bark lo
kor lo iblnk (be maltor im
lltrf I jrnlrrlljr drvawst rrvnrfi
olM and aald tx ramtf l if-
affair bHwrvo U Cburvbiod
Ytf soquarrW lib U CbW-oM."
Ubh "Wbo lb dtrkfM 1a M
r( imaai T
ln! Uutialrar, bring to AnxrV
M niHlmiand M llilrolH
njhiitii m!u of of ib ptpmr,
BWAilrur; M Cbk-ulH vritM
ll ti bla duty lo ! Mil.
i io tno ho tbtnk the M
amllfd by lb )nurnala4 to d-
lii bonor I utMimin4 Ton bay
W H of blackmailing yoa Toq
mract or flghi."
) Ml tb Bthim Minor tut ny
fiiWf o( to arm on lt toajtb
t al Urttrahurf . md Cburrb-
fuW raibr dla ibao lay $om
m ru Debt bim ariib rWn at
wir pnrfMtrd lba( amcb waar
If l uanl in I'arta. lo wbkb
itpilrd that in irotrka no ona
f Hh anything: and ba
M Hh ItM WttMB b could
find iKioa oibfr.
o ib ftgbitnf lttor ra4-t) (ba
'Ml b nmat aland MO acilnat
Man rlfla It owurtd Id bin
' that ncraaloa at latvrt ha
"o bla aalary. II aa a m.
FoKliman and a dead abot wttk
pi n U(.rt rnt, but bad Bttar
B nil" Abnr. who ba4 all
Mllfd Irlrkirr of tba YaatM aa
w nf himg rrocllTlta t tba
. bad a.ni tlra word I bat bfd
w will, alnct ba pnpoatd
tralcbt it bi. bmt atM M
"I'M anything In bla llfa will
Nw darltsht
. --
tba
eclndad
P II Kola de k.,..i.....
atlgbted
1 tor bla
H Oil II,.
automobll
aoiatblng
tba
i . """u "uia not in tba
rWwlKl Aht... .n.ka
dim
and
w of bla atora rrrDotatMb,
UD1 Ilia .. .. ...
r-
to
111. ' Wf0t ,0
for
TV con,D- 00 b u
WIH I IfaiH a.
lid
of
tba
"""in, iirl"i-tbat
fery
trwn "baddcrtd. Tlila'
no-
r ' ntrricm n ...
V l.. . . ' nj or nganng
tbraw
f baianra. Abnr-r atood
naar
VMIU lAMail. . .
,, n a long rlfla
and
- y ...nn i, intended
aboald
" alrango. dli
0n of ii,.
diabolical
b. t.. -".""'oaaoia.
aaetng
r- au.1K Mto. ,
i loalng
big
hopa
of
tbat
con
r in1 n iui. .... .
.... mo a
aecondg
rn,v k, ' l a oner
abauld
black mailing
l punor u.r...i.i .
Item
com.
ma
""b wringing
ii.: u .
i , ,J n "7 to a eafa.
It ih .. u on ,B omo
uudertakart .bop from
II REPAST.
ma a . , "
;,;;'dr,vT,bo
'koutal h."' ,ook,n ,nd1-
IM
rrla ma to it,, w. tx.t.i O0 rifib
Ikiim"
r lrat t muat a II,. r,l,r ,f yur
etn."
"Ho I do dot look wort by of rrrdltr
"You look worthy of .(Lulloii uf
a polhnian "
Tba raggrd aiau rbmkM wllb tl
dut aalUfactloa.
"Tuu would not know IO, fr , ,,,,.
mUllirtiaU'e, wouUl your ba Ut
"I would know you for a Jalil.ird "
Tba raliiiiao alaiirl to Orlv- on.
"Hold oo.M aald lli aty mm, -j
am lo tba way to rraiu. , lian.t...u
aum. How would yoU ilk t.i dtviu. it
lib n..r
I'abl.y lookMl liirmlnliHia
"Kr bra," aald ll,r armly man. ap
ra''ltlng Ilia drlrr and auumlng t
roondaiillal too "t .an'l aurrrrd
without your aaaUtanr or llmt of
anma rabuian and am wUltn lo pay
well for If
"What dn you lb me lo dor
"lt iu aiplalo. I am John (ild.
I bava made a lt of :. with a man
at Ib W rluli that. 1rrl lu tha
rag. I will eat a got dinner al oi, of
tba prlorlial borl. In New Vork I
arlab you to arrang tle matter for
wlib Ibe mannger of (t,. vv "
l arrange the matter for youl lluw
ran I do lliatr
"lrl ma In tba hotel. I will allglit
while you aland telde your cab with
bowed tiead atxl bat In baud I will
ft luto the rafe and lake a eeal. Ton
go la the miijT and let out Ibe
rret Dial I am Mr (..l.. Hut I have
Blade a bet of V that I will dine at
bla hotel and that If be will prruill
aw lit a la you aball be Ibe galurr l.
batf tba a tuning"
Tb roar Ii men aal looking at the
beggarly ierlutrn of bumanlly, luru.
log lb matter titer la bla mind lit
waa tempted.
!! you proof of your attiryf be
aeked
"If I bad and ebould prt1ue ll I
would loa my bet TV omplrea are
walfbl.'ig me at I hli rery mluote and
Will follow in bererer I go "
tiet In." aald the cabman
Tb day wa waning wbea Ibe cab,
With Ita dUrefutabte looking orruiant.
aloiprd at tba rtitranra of the W. lie
alighted, paaaed lb ratunan. woo atou!
ttocoeered. and entered the reelaurant.
Tba mualrlana werv tuning tbetr Inatru
menta, and the tablea re bring rap.
Idly B'M with diner The ragged man
almd lo a aeat al a tarant labia. Hie
tjfot rery well In Ibe room being
Bled upoa blm, Wbro be w rled
BU turned toward the manager. bo
alonl arowtlng at tbe unwelcome goeat.
II aa about to auinmoo a xllirman
wtieo tb cabman who bad t.rHi.-ht
tba atranger beckoned blm to ibe door
and aald aomethlng lo blm. Tbe mana
ger llatrnrd attrntl'rly. keeping hi
ay alt the while on tbe aerdy man.
who waa Intently aludylng lb meno
I'rvarntly a waiter wa railed and dl
raried to aerra blm. Tb cabman dl.
appeared
It aa anon wblapered among tba
goeta Ibat a multimillionaire waa
winning a bet ly rating a dinner In
tba bote! In rag. Tboa who bad
rated tb tablea near lb otie at which
ba aat gradually returned lo tbem and
watched blm. II averoed lo rellib bla
dinner aa If be bad nrer tbu dined
before. tab after dlab were aet ha
fora blm and Ibe conlenU ronaumed
Not content with modrrata priced
win, b orderrd tbe moat eiprnalv
Ilia waller waa aaalduoua In bla attrn
tlooa, eipectlng 'bat ob of aucb la
lab taitea would tip blm with a Bra
dollar bill at Iran, And all tb while
group of people wer watching and
wblapertng. enjoying tb alght of
tualllmllllonalr In rag winning a bet
"What an arlatocrailc browr ra
niarked a lady. "I would know blm
for aomethlng beyond tbe common
n wora dreaaed Iban be la If, In
daed, tbat would b poaaltile.''
"Tbey aay there la old Dutch blood
lo Ibe Gold." aald another.
"Look: II la ahorrlltig tba food
Into bla moutb wltb bla knlf. llow
funny T
"lat la lo keep op tb deceptloo."
At laat tb man appetite waa aat
bi6hL and. railing for a dollar cigar,
ba told tbe waiter ba would Ilk to aea
tba proprietor. Tbat peraoa approach
ad with great defer no.
"My friend." aald th goaat, "I baa
njoyed an icelhftit dinner at your
ipeua. I aupfKiaa tb cabman who
dro me her told you that 1 am a
multimillionaire. I brn't a n-d rent.
1 am Tom Uugan. Jtiat out of Jail,
wber I bav Uwn a long whlla llrlog
oa tba coaraeat far. It occurred to
ma tbat fur one good dinner 1 would
ba willing to go back for a few month!
longer and hat put up tbla Job on
you to gratify my pitlt.M
Tba proprietor amlled. rubbing hla
band together aa If greatly pleaaed at
tbla laat tuova to carry out tbo decep
tion. Tboae at tb table near by tit
tered. "Come." peralaled Dugan. "Call tb
bollce. I hare nowhere to ileep to
night and wlab for ahelter."
Iteluctantly th proprietor became
conrlnced tbat h bad been duped and
called a policeman. The ragged man
waa recognlied aa chronic Jailbird
and taken to the Tomba. Tbe next
morning he waa aent up for two
month for perpetrating a awlndle.
- A Buay Man.
Kind Lady-lHi you never think of
what you might have brent
Tramp-No. mum. It takes all ma
time to t'lnk of Wat I be now.-Boa-ton
llerald.
The Pole at tk' Btor.
Thl good old world may fume and fret:
Thla good old world may war and
tari '
Inhabltanta may threat and bat
In Uungawamp they do not care.
They've talked It ovr day by day
And nlghta till ten and vn mor.
Who found th pol and got away
Thay'a aattld It In Stok1 tor.
It waa no y thing to do.
And argument roa calling hlgn.
Th Cow club apllt almoat In two.
And blood waa In ach member y
Tobacco amoka roa. roll on roll.
Th clwwara chewed aa na r berort,
But who waa victor at the pol .
Waa aattld there In Bloke tor.
Th village I eeren again.
Work la reaumad. th danger o r.
Th place for eclentino men
la In a chair at Btokea' atore.
Why waata your money and your tin?
With Inatrument and arotlo lorai
Why not lav argument aubllma
ror M..m.nt n moo.mr.TH
GENTLE MR, BOWSER
Turns Over New Leaf and Be
comes an AngeL
HE COMPLIMENTS THE COOK.
Attempt ta Mak. P..t. With Mothw
In law a ra.lyra ht Laada Him la
the D.or by Ih. Ear and tar.de Him
f ram the Houn.
By M. QUAD.
tCopyrlaht. iua. bf Auo.l.iM Uurarr
l'laa
TIIK f playliitf Uli (be
trei-t had broken a window In
til Itowarr realdeur. A team
' alcr drlvluK tbrouiib tbu alley
lu.l run a whn-l againat the gale and
rarrh-d It off lla hliiRee. A bad boy
bad entered tl. front yard and aloU-n
the iioatla off the gnrdeii hMe. All tbe
above bnd laki-n pla t aim- Mr. llow
m r U-fi for the oflVr. and a Ibe afler
noon waucd klra. Howaer began pre
paring beraelf for Ibe worat.
Mr. llowa-r would blame her.
. 11 w ould about at I lie top of bla
rob e.
II would, ibn-atca dlvorve and all
timiiy, '
l n'( loc k Dually came awl he with
It. lie did uot kirk Hie gale ox-u aa
Iw reached II. lie did no lo,k for any
ili,llirploa lu the front yard. II aa
n-n.U-a ib atepa. a Kb a amlle on hla
rai-e. and nbat-rt'.'d that II bad been a
lel day and hoped Ibat Mra. Ilowaer
bad hot overlaied beraelf." Kite liMiked
up lo a. If tie waa In earueal, and
then tear Oiled her eyee.
Mr lowa.-r hod taken one of thoae
uimccouiilalile Bopa Ibat overtake all
hulaiida al Itilervala. '
He had bernuie aft and gentle ami
mild, and there waa to I no about log
or dlVori-llig
'l'h dinner waa all that he could
lone lionet! for. Indeed, be had warce-
ma wtKoa vine inuimaiNu to amorr
ly lake a doteti mogthfula wben he
remarked that Ibe Waldorf chef ought
lu come orer and coliault Ibe Bowaer
cot,k on how lo prcpHre a real dinner
He aeld tbe notation were poalllrely
augellc. He aald the coffee waa almply
tiet-tar for the eod. He aald the rice
pudding wa III lo grace Ibe table of
the ir re teat king on eartn. Tbe cook
overheard a nart of the tiralae and re
tired lo her domain to ahake her bead
and aav to heriM-lf:
"If tbla family lan't blown aky high
before tomorrow morning tbeu I ll tie
one I hank fnl rook working at f a
month and having tbe privilege of a
latchkey. He I too goou.
When dinner waa orer and Mr. Bow
aer had got hla cigar alight he made
aolhltoua Inqiilrlca about the cat. Waa
be aa well aa naual? Hnd tbe hot
weal her aeemed to affect her much?
Md abe aeem content with her home?
When aatlaflcd on theae point he aofl
lv aaUt:
"Mt dear, vou may be In want of pi a
money. It baa aklpped my mind for
the laat three or four week. If you
need ten. fifteen or twenty dollar
don't healtate to aay ao. Half my In
Kim. reoll lielongn to you. you know.'
"I could make excellent uae of 20
Juat now." replied Mr. Bowaer, quick
lo take advantage of an occaalon that
might nerer occur again.
HI Good Will Taat.d.
Ti,.. .oft ami ollr amllo left bl face
and a frown took Ita place. He waa hit
r.,e the moment: but. forcing a laugn,
i.u i.,i dollar hill from hi veat
pocket and bandid It out, with the re
til Ml" If
"Ccrlalnlr. dear. J will give you the
nii.o. i,iiw.iiiii aome (lav next week."
There wer thing 10 be told, and
im ttnu-aer nnicelid to tell them.
..ti,.. ium.. itmkn a imne of glaaa In
one of th frqnjfwlndowa upstairs to
day." 1 .
"They were plnylnf ball, I suppose?
he queried.
"Vol
"Well, boys must have exercise even
n.. .1.. I,pak windows."
"And aome one stole the noxilo off
1.n Ii1A
"DM. eh? Well, that's 75 coots gone,
lint awtrtinnal the thief was a poor man.
with a akk wife on his hands, and had
to get a prescription filled, une cau i
i.i.m .a vnrv much."
uiniiiu ioih .x... -
"And a big truck going through the
nllev took the gale off Its hinges. Tb
cook ran out and told the man he
ought to be sent to Jail, but be only
laughed at her.
hm. n.n thnao things will happen
I'll fli the gate before breakfast. II
the cook had spoken softly and kindly
to the man he wonld probably have
paid for the uau age. iy iu
Maggie an extra goou gin;
"Why, ahe does fairly well."
"Is she an orphan r
I nnvee aaked."
oi ai.ti.ir he must be. There's a sad
and melancholy expression about her
mouth that tells me she is an orpnan.
ir. m tWvlmr her IIS a month. Balse
her Wdges to 120 to encourage her. It
may prevent her rroin commiuing ui
m.. Ttnu..e didn't nromlse. The
uini
gns bill had come In that day, and,
tannins- over to the mantle, she lifted
la UM
1 It up and handed It to Mr. Bowser
with th remark:
"What do you think of that for a
auinmcr u bill? Iau t It an outrage?
hhouldn't there be a law to put eurb
acoundrela where they belongr
"Two-fifty for the month, eh? Why.
bar. that lau't ao bad. There' no
doubt that we have burned the gaa.
The meter tier IU-a. and then tlwao
gaa te.,M are all Imn b member
and wouldn't do a mean act for moo-
y. 1 preaume the actual bill waa at
leaat $.1. but tlwyrul It down to avoid
any unpl.-aantni-a. They often do
that, you know. The public la not at
all fair by the gaa companlea."
Mr. Ilowaer wna too good-much too
good. Ilia wluga were beginning to
prout. Mr Howeer tMgliated for
Ave mliiuiea and tlwn aald:
I have luid a fii-llng all day that
mother wonld b here thla erenlng.
Hhe generally cornea on tbe late train.
on know."
Hie ber dear old aoul! I wlab alie
ould come,", fervently replied Mr.
Ilowaer.
"But you two alwaya quarrel."
"Never, . dear-never. We are aa
chummy aa a pair of ranarle. Bbe'a
a dear, good woman. and I'm aorry
that ahe won't make her borne with
na."
"One of you would acratch the oth-
era eyea out In a week. Mother tblnka
you are a bluffer and a boaaer."
"Hue can't. Hlie know a I adore ber.
Rhe could lire here with u for fifteen
year and tbere'd never be a croaa
word kpoken. I believe I'll telegraph
her tomorrow to come down oo a
vUlt."
Mother-in-law Entered.
"There" no nwd to, for abe la here,"
replied a voice from tbe ball. And tbe
neit Inetant the mother In law entered
the altllng room. 8 he bad come In by
tbe trout door without being beard.
Motherr eirlalmed Mr. Bowaer aa
ahe roae up to kiwi ber.
'Mother!" echoed Mr. Bowaer aa be
roaa up to do Ibe aame.
'Hamuet. I don't quite undcratand
l bla," aald the old lady a abe retreat
ed a atep.
"But I'm ao glad to aee you, mother
-ao glad! You are looking well and
happy, and lt' a great prlrllece to
hare a vlalt from you. Why didn't
you telegraph, ao that I could meet
you? iH-ar, dear, but I'm ao glad!"
"Humph! I aee you bare one of
your good apell on. Want to be an
angel, don't you?"
"Mother. I re turned over a 'new
leaf. I've been boeay and bluffy, but"
"Then you'd better turn the leaf
back.. I don't want any rat purring
around me. I'd rather bare a boa
Ibau a fool around tbe houae. You
take youritelf off for tbe ereulng."
Hut ir driven from borne I may go
to a a loon."
"I can't help It."
"And I may get tight."
That'll be belter than trying to be
angelic. Out you go!"
"Hut, mother, dear"
She took him by the ear and led
hltn to the door and pointed Into tbe
aolemn night, nnd ho went. A a re
ward for N'lng good he bad been
thrown out of hi own house.
The Narvoua Umpire.
The hnwh voiced professional umpire
healtulod. Then he etepped In front of
tbe grand stuiid.
"Is the vice pfetduVnt m the crowd T'
he nervously asked.
There waa no response.
Tbe umpire's face cleared.
"I Just w anted lo know whether this
game could proceed without federal ln
terference." he explained.
Then be braced up and turned to tbe
Held.
"I'lay 111!" he roared In a tone ao
ononma that three boys fell out of a
tree. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Getting at the Fact.
Knor-Sklnncr told me the other day
that every dollar he bas on earth was
made honestly.
Hlox-So? How much do you think
be Is worth?
Knox-About 08 cents. -'Houston
rust.
THE WEAK SPOT
IN
By M. QUAD.
Copyright. 1908. by Asaociated Literary
I'reas.l
Deacon Joab Carter lived In tbe vll
Inge of Oldham, and wheu his great
temptallou enmu to hltu be waa over
fifty yeora okl.
Six evenings per week Deacon Car
ter went to tbe postotllce. He aver
aged only about four letters per year,
but bis trips to the postotllce were
made Just the same. Ou one particular
evening n letter was handed him which
excited surmise and curiosity. It was
postmarked at New York,- aud It had
a business look and feeling, Thoae
standing around when the letter was
passed out looked for tbe deacon to
open It then and there and give tbem
chance to comment; but, greatly to
their chagrin, he placed It In his pock
et and sturted off home. On reaching
there be ought to have sat down and
opened bis letter, but something re
strained him. He sold nothing of Ita
receipt even, and it was not opened
until bis good wife threw shawl over
ber head and went over to a neighbor's
to have a bit of gossip.
Deacon Carter trembled when he
carefully cut tbe envelope of that mys
terious letter with a table knife and
saw greenbacks In It Yes, there were
a two dollar bill and a one dollar bill,
and both were brand new and full of
crackle. Who bad sent blm money?
Why hnd It been sent? His heart was
beating faster as be unfolded a type
written letter accompanying the cash.
It was from a party In New York. The
party bnd heard of the deacon and
w'as olug to trust him with a great
secret. Tbe party wns manufacturing
greenbacks-Hot counterfeits, bat the
genuine thing, same as . tbe incloaed,
aame ns those turned out by Uncle
8am. Tbe party felt that be had at
least a moral right to do this. All gov
eminent were oppressors; all individ
uals bnd a right to better their condi
tion, lie was bettering bis aud at the
same time not hurting tbe government
or any of his fellow men. In fact, he
waa benefiting the country by puttlo"
ARMOR
more money In circulation and making
It eay to get.
The cburcb to which the ilea-on be
longed wanted lo ralae the iiilninter'
aalary; It wanted to nimlr tlio auirtt
of the edifice; It wanted to replace tba
old pew cuahloua. The roiiKregutloa
waa waiting for the dem on to lead off
1th a liberal aubacrlptlou, but aa a
matter of fact he wa hard up, bar
ing been aiding some of bla relatives.
He looked at tbe bllla before blm ami
hankered. If be bnd only CO be
would ask for oo more. Would ll
harm th government or any one else
for blm to get tbe I0O lu Hie way sug
gested? Of conrae It would," (old tbe good
man to himself a he heard hla wife
returning and hastily pocketed the
money and circular, and be went to
bed determined to return tbe epistle
on tbe morrow. He awoke with th
same determination, but bi wife was
to be the cause of a chauge of heart.
At tb breakfast'table abe aald:
"Joab. we ar out of browo sugar."
-Via'."
"We luuat bare tea today."
"Um!"
"And you'll bare to take my shoes
to Smith's sod get 'em fixed. 1 got
my feet damp last night."
An hour luti-r Deacou Carter started
out on bbs errand. He bad a silver
dollar In bla orket. but aa lie was
about to enter the atore the Idea came
to hlin to band out tbe new dollar bill
received In bla letter. No second
thought came. He handed It over
when, bis purchases bad been made,
and the merchant received It and made
cbanpe without a word. Tbat settled
matter. : Tbe money wa not coun
terfeit, and no one was being harmed
by handling It. Tbat afternoon a. let
ter was written to the party in New
York. Tbe deacon started out to aay
tbat be would buy t-V) of tbe money,
but made It flUO lustead. He would
go to tbe city at any date nod take
1100 in Uncle Sam's money with him.
He knew where he could borrow tbat
mm for a few day. He would deal
Just oure nnd no more.
Then followed a considerable corre
spondence. A date was set for tbe dea
con to show up. sud he wss so strong
ly adrlaed to take S.VM) Instead of the
lesser sum that he agreed. He had to
sell one of his cows, two hogs and two
calves uud do some borrowing to make
up the amount, and be bad to dodge
many question from his wife, but tbe
day finally arrived when he started for
the city. He was a "come along at
last. He was to be met at the depot,
and he wa met. The man who met
til mi gave a word, and the duau-on re
plied when a couple of detectives ar
rested both.
At the police station tbe deacon
showed his letters and told bis story.
while tbe green goods man took care
to say nothing. Tbe deacon was not
arrested. He wss simply talked to
and sent direct borne.
Don't you Imagine tbst tbe people of
this town bare ever beard these things
of Deacon Carter. I am giving you a
private tip In telling you, and bis
standing has not hi the least been Im
paired. Only wben Thursday evening
comes around and the deacon rings the
bell for prayer meeting be rings In a
sort of rejoicing way. as one that has
escaped a peril, and when he drops tbe
bellrope to lead bis good neighbors In
prayer there. Is a deeper feeling In bis
tones ns be petitions;
"And may our feet be kept from
straying Into forbidden paths and tbe
pitfalls of tbe world no longer allure
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner Offers Good Ad-
- vice to Departing Members.
HARKINS GETS HIS SHARE.
Th Good President Alao Warna Truth
ful Brother White, Who Has to B
Liftad From Hia Seat by th Weal
by Givoadam Jonaa.
By M. QUAD. I.
(Copyright, 1909, by Associated Literary
Fresa.l
M
Y fren'8," said Brother Gard
tier of the' Limekiln club
after the routine busluesa
hud been disposed of,
have a few remarks to remark dls
eveniu', and If Brudder Beloved Har-
klus am lu de bull J will begin on
him.". : . .
The. brother was present, and as he
came- forward the president looked
htm over In a benevolent way aud con
tinued:
"Brudder Harktns, yot J'ined dls
club eight years ago, and you bas been
a faithful member. On you has de
volved de task of slenllu' 'nuff bar'la
and boxes from de grocer's to keep
our stove gwlne durtu' de cold weath
er, and not once hns you. failed, us.
Tou hns also been chairman of de com
mittee on de sick, and wheneber you
hns heard of a rase of de measles or
(UVSADAaf JONIS KIMDliT LIF1XD HIM- 10
HIS fKKT DX aaiZlNQ 1118 WOOU
mumps you has been right dar to sym
pathize and condole. Take It all
around, you may be proud of your
record."
Brother Harkins tried his hardest to
blush, and tbe president smiled and
went on:
"You am gwlne to sever your ron-
nectlon wld dls clnb by movln' op to
Troy snd gwlne, Into de pie bizness.
You am to make all sorts of pie snd
peddle em shout fur 10 rents each.
Am I correct In my statements?"
"Yes, sab."
"Try am a center of wealth and
culehcr, Brudder Harklua. Der makes
store np dar. but (ley abut makea
atatemuen snd poets. Iey haven't got
sny skyscraper forty-two storie high.
but dey rsn't lie fooled on no gum
game. Don I you go slosbln' sronnd
np dar wld de Ides dal dey have never
had a circus In dal town. Dey was
rant In' bells In dat town when Christo
pher Columbus dlaklbered A merles. If
he had only bit de Hudson river be
would have sailed right np to Troy
snd found de peopb wall In' fur blm."
Yes, sah." replied tbe brother.
You will have de.feelln' dat you
come from New York, hot don't let dat
lift your beels too high. Y otnl haTe to
pay your bouse rent de aame as If you
come from Todunk. And np dar dey
have got an Idea and am party nigh
right about It dat to lib In New. York a
man has got to first serve an appren
tlcesblp In Sing Sing. We baa a few
tall buildings snd three murders a dsy
to brag of, but outsiders don't take de
same vew we do."
o, san.
"Troy wss eatln' pies wben your
irrandfadder was a baby, Brudder
Harkins. You can't fool ber on plea.
She has run through de scale from
rhubarb to mutton. If yoa kin turn
otlf a pie to please ber toot fortune
am assured. If you can't you'll be a
financial wreck In a month. Mix your
pies wid care. Don't put op any half
peach and half huckleberry. Make a
straight pie wld real lard fnr shortnln'
sud trust to Providence fur de rest."
"I's gwlne to foller dat line, sah."
- Th Social Part of It
"And about, de social part of It,
Brudder ' narking.'-. It may be a hull
month befo your wife nmvoverwbelra
ed wid callers. De folks np In Troy
sm rather skeary of newcomers. Dey
wait to see 'em shape np. Fur dls rea
son you had better be seen at cbqrch
as often as possible, and It will be bet
ter to fling 10 pennies Into de contribu
tion box dan a single dime. De mo"
Jingle you make In church de better
fur you. Flesh In New Tork you have
leen In de habit of walk In' around
nights. Don't do it np dar. De bag on
your shoulder and yonr color will be
sglq you, eben If yon am half a mile
from de nearest henroost. Heah In
New York you kin stand In front of a
butcher shop at 10 o'clock at night and
gaze your fill at a ham hang In' out
Troy got outer confidlu In human na-
tur forty years ago.- Wben her police
find a coll'd man and a ham look In
each odder In de fare one of 'em la
mighty apt to be sent up fnr thirty
days."
"I don t like smoked ham, sah," re
plied Brother Harkins.
"I's glsd to hear dat. Dat makes
your path much clearer. Be honesi
up dar, Brudder Harkins. Be honest
and be truthful. Mebbe de Troy folks,
bein' ao closely counected wld New
York, have got in de habit of l.vln'
and graft In', but take de chance dat
dey am wldout guile up dar. Make all
your pies as good as de sample. If
de pumpkin crop falls on you don't
try to ring In squuah as Jest as good.
When you pass your word to a man
hold it sacred. If you tell him It's
03.000,000 miles to de sun be may go
away bellevln' you am a liar, but
blmeby he'll find out dat you told blm
de truth and gib .you credit fur It.
Dat's all, Brudder Harkins, and now
yoa may sot down while I say a few
words to Brudder Truthful Whiter-
Brother White was sound asleep in
bis chair, but Glveadaui Jones kindly
lifted htm to bis feet by seising bis
wool, and wben he wss fairly awake
tbe president said:-
"Brudder WbJtd, you has also been
an honored member of dls Limekiln
club. I can't say dat you started out
jest right, bekase your object seemed
to be to sell .de members a prepara
ahun to take de kinks out o deir ha'r.
but arter we bad taken de kinks outer
you dar was a change fur de better.
Yoa has been cha'rmau of de enter
tainment committee fur de last fo'
years, and I must say you bas filled
de bill bang up. We has nebber met
heah a single even dat we didu't have
lemonade, .banaqas or watermelon
You has never asked de club fur any
money to pay fur dose things, and
have been forced lo de belief dat you
am, a very lucky pusson to escape de
police de way yot have." . .
'' Brother 'White smiled and winked at
Brother Green, but had no explanation
handy. . .. "
' v.. A Gardner Undaratood It
"And now you am goin' away, Brud:
dec White. As I understands It, you
am gwlne to Schenectady ' to enter
upon de .bizness of whitewashin' and
stove; blackln'. De two professions
am inseparably connected, and I hope
you will not try to divide 'em. Taken
together and pushed wid ardor, dey
have laid de. foundashuns of many no
ble fortunes. Schenectady may not;
appreciate you for some months after
openln', but you must not be discour
aged. She ueeds you, and appreciation
is way a matter or time.
"Go up dar In all humility. Brudder
White. Schenectady hain't got any
Broadway nor Fifth avenue, but she's
got age and dignity. She was so old
when de first house was built dat she
didn't need any nursin' bottle, and tn
ber dignity she selected a name dat no
drunken man could pronounce to her
shame. In some professions, Brudder
White, a cut rate am a good thing, but
In yours keep de prices up. None of us
have half appreciated tombstones since
we could buy one six feet blgh fur $10.
Az full prices, but gib full Work."
"Yes. sah."
"When you black a stove don't forglt
de hind legs. Dat'a all right heah In
New York, whar de legs may be stolen
any day, but up dar dey expect to keep
W legs as long aa dey keep de stove,
Wtwa you am whitewashin' a ceil In'
hit de co'ners and rake ont de cob
webs. -We have our way down heah,
and dey have delr way up dar. If you
was on J nainpsos street neah you
might open an ice cream shoo in con
nectloO, but don't plan to do It up dar
(III you have looked de ground ober.
Like as not de . SchenectkBans object
to whitewash In delr Ice cream,
hain't expectin' you to be aa bonest as
Brvdder Harklua to de pje bUnesa, be-
fcaae dar am so many Things to adul
terate whitewash wld. but be as aoneat
aa de bntrher or grocer; alao be aa
truthful. Like Brudder Harkins, show
npstrhttrch. It won t make any differ
ence atx.ut de creed. If you rent a pew
you am bound to slip through soma
wsy. Jest one mo' thing. Dont apect
to I 'lecti-d to office right away. Too
kin br.ig of how many preclncfa yow
voted tn heab oil 'lection day. bat
Schenectady am gwlne to stand yoa
off till she knows de keotry writ b
safe In your bands. Hat's all. brudder
and fren's. and we'll now break da
meetln' In two and saunter to our ?a
r'ua homes." '
Unhcadad Rsmonatraneaa. ',
"Waa that you scolding a poor dog
who was merely Indulging bis natural
Inclination to bowl at tbe moon?" ask
ed the kind hearted man.
"Yea." anawercd his neighbor.
"Tfcm't you know you ought to ba
kind to dumb animals?"
"Tbat dog bin't dumb. Hea only
deaf." XI ionea (Kills Journal.
AH Raady.
First ' Guide - 'Bout ready fer tk'
deer season to begin, Jim?
Second Gnide Waal, I should say
3o:, I got five bucks bung up rn tbe
woods now and a party of seven city
sports coming day after tomorrow.
New York Life.
Daphna'a Chealc
Speak nnt of Daphne a "chestnut" cbaak
If favor it i-y handa you aeek.
I'll greet roll :r lib a atony star
Or poaatblx a kicked stare.
If ta such terms you dar to apeaa
Of Daphne'a check!
Tea. call It "tan" If ao you plaaa.
I ahall not ralaa the altirhteat wheaia.
And anybody hera In town
Can call It "brown"
For aught that ha
Will hear from m.
Or call It "bronxed" or call It "bay."
I'll not object to what you aay.
I ahall not even care If you
BhaU aet It down aa "ruaaet hue."
Nor ahould 1 take It hard or rough
Were you to apeak of It aa "anuff"
In certain lights. I can't deny.
It does aeem that way to tb ay
Or call tt "dun"
Or cinnamon."
And even "dapple cheeked" I'll hr
Without a Jeer,
But "chestnut V Never no whlla I
Have strength to fight and will to dla
For Daphne will 1 e ar agrc
Her cheek could aver unto ma
i A "chestnut" be!
Carlyla Smith In Harper'e Waaktjr.
Climatic Ethnology.
"Tbe glorious Indian summer will
soon be here," said tbe enthusiast.
'Indian nn turner doesn't make mnch
Impression," said tbe man, who waa
figuring on the price per ton. "What
gets on my mind Is tbe possibility of
an Eskimo wiuter."-Washington Star.
Various Methoda.
"l have been, pinched for money
lately.". . . '..
"Well, women have .different ways
of getting It.. My wife kisses me when
she wants any cash."
Amiable Suggaation.
"My typewriter seems to be out of
order," said the literary boarder.
"If you would give ber the price of a
new hdt," suggested tbe ribbon count
er clerk, "tbat might help some." Chi
cago News. .. . .. .
,
T1tir -Natural OtTie.
"They say 'the big mushroom hate
are going Out tfibi year." ' .-
"Hats geuorally do. That la what
women put tbem on for." Baltimore
American. .
' ' . ' 'Rather." . -
. "A little rough on him." . ; ,
Getting Next. J
"Is your husbaud thoroughly domes
ticated by this time?" "
"Oh, yes. JJe never has any loose
change In bis pocket and la careful
not to leave any of his private letter
lying around the house. We have lit
tle to quarrel about uow." Cleveland
Leader. , , .. . .- . ,
. , , , ,
-. . . . . -'l ' Pessimism.-"",""". ' " '
: "I hate to be dodging automobile alt
the time." ., . .'
"Oh, never mind. Pretty soon a
speed maniacs will be flying, and then ,
they can't run over ua."
"Uuiph!' But they'll drop thlnga on
ua."-PhllndelphIa Ledger.
' Too Foxy to Ba Caught. .
"After all, It Is an advantage to bar
a sophisticated husband."
"lu what way?"
"Well, it isn't necessary to wast
time hunting through bis pocketa at
night."-Denver Republican. .a
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