PAGES
MILLSBORO ARGUS OCTOCtR 14, 1909
fr A ',1'
Vs .If
. .i t.
i. t
Heaters.
tXM
We Invite
You to Inspect
Our Heaters,
CAST or WOOD
LINED
LENOX
Nichlc trimmed, cost lined.
No. 1ft. $n.oo
20 13.30
22 ..... 15.00
After comparing them with East
ern goods ot the same designs you
willsoo why ours are better values
for tho money.
Wc show everv pr;utu-al sie and style from the
inexpensive Sheet Steel Lined Airtirfht to the
lare handsome Cast Lined with
mlntfs
If you intend iusullinji a new
Nichie Trim-
Heater this fall
or winter, wc invite ymi i mspevi mu.
We will give you better values than you
can tfet elsewhere.
1WTTKKSON, v;m snn.irr.
EI1I
The Ladies' Coffee
Club
Will give an entertain
ment on the evening
of
Tho net proceeds to go toward a fund
for the building of a
REST ROOM
Do your part Be at the
GrescenHWre
and witness a splendid evening's enter
tainment, and help out a worthy project.
Bee reading notices for particulars.
EtlAS W. ROBINSON
Ella W Ki.liir.nnn, residence four
tnd on half tnils Houtheast of thin
city, dint at i "u hi me Wednesday
mwiir.if. (irti b-r j:'. 1!) '.), f r n
itund'il illrn-M, iA t l!l c'.i'n b-
ns ml in end hr.trt troubl ll
mit hor ti in I, I'er- County. Michi
gan, in 1S-V2, and wna tnantud to
hii urviviin? wife, whoMj rnaiden
name Horn Lathn p, in 1HH0.
The family came to Oregon in ItKl-l,
mUlinn fi"t in St. Job tsh He
came to thin county h fnw months
ago, niil Itought ih John Iverson
frm Th! widow ami tore r.hii.l-
renutviv: Un, md Is; Nel
lie, iffixl 10, and 'r-M '.it,i.j"l K.
Deceased was a meiriiier of the
Maccabee Lodge, in which be ear
ied 11,000 insurance, ami tho Odd
Ka lows, the Ht. Johns Lodge being
in charge ol the burial, which take
plecs at Bt. JohnH.
Advtrtiel Letters
lx-tll-tO lli.lt Che l'.'.l-
lu r.n.kllnK In li'T I
li.l pM llx- Hi- t I' "
hnl'n f;Hi!l lti:i nil- w
ami ii'ijf.-ili.lr. M'-r.- I. ;-1
n"ninf tlio hnl lli:m fu"ii
nml fu r -jiic-!ii-hii n ) :i f
ti'l a al mil'.
Very wi-ll. Hlx- v.cu!. i!
I.
x H Ill
I !j ,!i.i-iy
ii
Prof K K I!rn-, M 8 JUrortl, Allx-rt
llrati'U. Mr John I'.Hrrrtt, Mr Mma
llro.jk, Mr II 1 I'ullcr. Ii F Fitell. Tom
Fouler. C HilU r, Joe Habru 11, A lln
tra, Mr(i V Harris, )le llmkirn, W
II Jco1ikii. J C Johtnon, I M Kubn
John Ix-hiuitn. (iuv Miinerr, Mi Ri'sa
lie McDonald. C U McCraclten (aK Mr
Alice I'liipp (i), Mr A I, rhcl, Mr
I'lv. Mr Mioniv rnl'iico'it, I 'Her kin)
y, hum lna Koin-rivm, .him nuau
Kytrct. MiM J' Kvcrcr, ncwan,
Mri K Scri, liill hmilb, V V. Sulry. Al
lrt M Hmitti (57). Miwi lxlnuii hlul!i
(57), Mra Willum t!nw.n, IdliUe Walkrr,
Mn Mac Wolf, Fh. Ztmu-r (2), Max
.aitrow.
11. P. Crnt!iu, P.M.
LUMBER FOR SALE
i.l
i."i!iir
ni.in.. it
It
-II i-
I at l;mf lili'l rt pliii
(Hie. r lit' won 111 i"
flint. Sin- woiilil niaki- i-i-r'im
hi.mliil woiiii ii noil t-irl In
About f0,(XJ0 !wt of nuh and
Ireeeed luruh-r, al p IV . t fale, a'
reduoed prio, at the IbompoD
roe. Lumber yard, ahove Nt'iunt
ndale. TaciGc S:aU b Pnnn.
ilenoo13H.--G. 1' K mn-f. 31 3
Aflr peveral ienr ( wiilctc
la Portland 8 J. K-fl ty and mil
ave moved to thir M' unlumdaU
farm, and will agnin b n-Bidentf" d
that ferti.e wciion. Rm is huev
theeedays getiiiu the glad hand
from bis old fneode.
Mrs.G L liiginro. of L-(!ra
an I ho bna been vim inz here
io the VaUiy for -vcrl montha
returrexl Domn .-nonuay. mm HELEN V. TURNER.
Bigg ra in diuixhter of Mr. and LCopyrll.h, m x,y Amcrk-an rre aso-
CillU'JIl J
tliMlrlcnl iiiiiimiiit rti-iivetl
i-.Mil Hip
I, a iii-w
Hit Hid'i
liiilll
onn
lix.k dizzy. Muriliii w.w rmr .
In romliiif to till oiii ln-i'i!i. imil Hii-ii
ah( didn't tnkt f-.i-ii l.r..i fn r Km lut'i
llIT rolllidfllCl". Wllftl Kill- IIIIIMiUlli"!
that mIh wii koIiik t" IIomIoii to do a
lltil.. nti'..iin In-- trliil H norm "f
nrktiini'iil" d!iii;ni' IhT. I.ut iflw
wan firm. She n fiiH.1 lo ln-lii-vc Unit
tlie cur would run on tin- rtiun .r
t but hIh' would li.iv- lirr lliro.-it cut
from i-iir to c:ir and romp home
Eliiu for Htikhi ilntT to bring I he
elj,"- of Un rut tocHhi-r. It 'ii a
ti-rrll.li' plrlurf Hint lrothr I'.ill d:iu-
Kli-d ln-fori' Iht vision, hut m; wbikmi
to 1 ! ih'ixit im calmly H an old
and hoiirdiil the train.
TIhti- was no ri-nt for finy one In the
vllliig Hint dny. Mnriba I'.akcr hnd
f;oi'c to I'.okIoii to fl'i-nd or bank her
nmi:;-.v. Which would It be'! So on
knew wh"li kIib fame home nf nnil
aouiid. .No one knew for tlie next four
davs. Then the cat tfot out of Hip bns-
In otlicr word, two hi dry xwhU
cainc for hi-r by freight, l'.rotb
rr I'.ill hnd them hiinlfd to the Iioiihc
anil oM'ii.-l them with hii owu hands.
She rt-fuwd to name the rontciiU to
lilm or nny of the mttv of callfM. It
was only when the pinwrst were re
moved that he Kl.-iM.ed back with a
"I?y thunder:" on bin III. It man ouly
when a certain object was held aloft
by Martha lo lie Kami at that the
women ami children cried out:
"A hnt! A hat! Martha linker's got
a new hat!"
"Yea. friends, tblrty-lx of them." re
plied Martha n slio dUl down for
01 hern.
Yen. thirty-six - three for every
month In the year. There were win
ter. H'ntii, nun n,, w re
all sbain-s end h!z. There were thirty-six
style of trimminirs. Martha
hnd tKiiinht ttie iliirty-slx for and
the tmlaiiee of Hie money had Rone
for frel-iit and fnr'. The windfall
had licen made use of, and ah a
bappy old maid.
thnt he had secured a prlxe began to
darken. Hut. remembering that ha bad
the play locked In h! fe. hta com- j
plaeewy returned to blm. At 11:30
the author wa announced. lit m
rwelvwl with distinguished considera
tion. The manacer banded blm tbe
contract be had prepared.
"Wbil'a this?" asked tbt author,
Chinch, k nt the document.
"You think." aaid the manager,
"that t'.on" advance payment la not
enough. Very well, I will make It
10.000."
"Ten thousand." repeated M. Noe
taml In amazement.
"And Mo royalty I will double at
well."
"Iw you consider my poor etforta
worth so much?"
"c ertainly. It la the work of an ex-
iwrt."
"How do you Judge of that."
"As in expert. It 1 tilaln that the
wtnno received an eDorwooa amount
of attention In-fore a word of tbe dia
logue was written, though tbe dia
logue shows the lnnuence 01 ine au
thor of -Cyrano.' The play will be a
grand success."
-Where is the manuscript?"
"Sever mind the manuscript. Let
ns proceed to business. Read the con
tra r-tr
The manuscript!" cried tbe author
Impatiently. Tbe manager unlocked
bis safe and produced It. Selling it,
the author tore off tbe wrapper and
showed only blank page.
You are the man," he said, "who
ro-vr neo receiver a may ihjui ure.
pockets-and Snelson. leaTtn bit lay
out on tbe barrel head, went ootaldt
with his antagonist. Odda at high at
four to one were laid on Traphagan,
who was big and powerful. 8netooo'a
muscles, on which there wit nothing
but skin, did not show under bit loose
shirt sleeve, while Traphagan1! fraaa
was glsantlc. Tlie big man could not
restrain hia wrath, and no sooner wat
the fight on than he strode toward
Snelson for the purpose of annihilating
him. But when he struck Sneltoo wat
not there. Besides, before bit antago
nist could recover hlmaelf be recelftd
a blow that pnt one eye oot of tbt
combat. Then Trnphngan brought bit
ponderous fist down on the tender
foot't thoulder. but Snelson ducked to
as to escape most of the weight of tht
blow. Ills fist shot up againm m
bad man's nose aud drew a plentiful
supply of blood. Though only t few
minutes had elnpsl, from thla point
Traphagan. who wat used to drinking
a good deal of whisky. lost wind an
strength, and his finishing was easy.
Sueison, who by this time seemed pos
sessed of a fury, hammered hit man
till he lay nnconsclout like a matt of
gelatin.
Snelson was engaged at pennanwi
counsel for the Empire Mining com
pany at a salary of M0 a year.
8ntnc Commuted.
"But," aaid the merchant to tbe t
illcaut, "you don't furnih any refer-
Mice from your last place."
. "You needn't worry about that, re
plied tbe man with the close cropped
head and strange pallor. "I wouldn't
... I . . It U L.Jn't S-tAAf rtt Pnf
You have never read It to tma day, ana te Here now 11 n uuu . .v. .
tiave not U-en able to secure Its re- good behavior In my last pl-
turn. I have played this trick to show Catholic Standard and Times.
that you buy plays simply on the
name of the author. I wrote the Measured by the Human Standard.
inonvmons letter irivlng myself tway. "Those people on Maw muti oe
lv name b neither Ilostand nor Not- I tery stupid lot
nud; 't U Jones."
HOW
WON
HE
fflS.flRSI CASE,
"Wliat makes too think tor
"Why. If they haven't time to fjaah
us a signal or two they might at leatt
drop us a picture postcard."-Ctev
land Plain Dealer.
A Sad Story.
Belinda longed for slender grace
And aaid It would be wuia
To seek aotne outlines to efface
By constant exercise.
And so aha walked and rode In hoot
To cheat relentless fate
And tugged In patience at the rope
That held the pulley weigni.
A"
rt
i W ANONYMOUS HE M
By EDGAR B. GARDNER.'
ICotyright. 10, by Amertcan Press Aaao-
elation.)
ft -. L.....I....H ........ rom iSa fiirm
l,uaru ducibuu 1 . .
to college. Bred to an out of door life, She pushed the dumbbells right and left.
he ,Hs.inRuiShed himself there rather I IZel K 'krft
in alhlellc sorls ttan In hU studies. J ghe gttlne(i in appetite. .
i'h.niKb not n larjce man. ne was wiry, 1 td more ne wW-i
let were like steel. What ne " ,r w hrth
1 no in. 11 nw . -
To get her dress hookeo up.
Washington Star.
Mrs E L Abbitt.
Nap a-Tan ehoea have proved
iK.ir fsn is (nuliltei wi n people
. " ' ------ r- 1
who like good f ;oUear. Juet le
ceived a newlinun black aurftan,
direct from tbe lictiry tl h
rung A Bona !
HAPPY OLD i
a
Jules
ID
(Copyright,
By M. QUAD.
IUJ3, hy Associated Literary
i'reaa.J
There was no doubt thnt Martha
Baker thirty years old and uumarrled
and the housekeeper fur tier widower
brother, was homely, fche aummeu
that she was. and I'm telling you thnt
woman, old or young, black or white,
The
card oil which was engraved
Nostand."
The manager tapped a bell. An at
tendant appeared nod was directed to
admit the visitor. The latter entered
with a roll of manuscript.
"M. Ilostand," said the manager, ad
vancing effusively and latins both
hands of the visitor lu his, "1 am de
lighted to see you."
"Pnrdon. Klr;'you have mistaken the
name. It Is Nostand, not Rostand.
I am not the author of 'Cyrano do
Rcrgerae.' "
' "No; you are not, but 'you are. a
nephew of the celebrated uostanu
and have come from Paris to America
lucoguito to dispose of a play written
under the guidance of your uncle."
The visitor stood looking tn aston-
welght he made up In
... . . . . I . , I. a ha ixT a a
pities, anu, aa ios ijumucw, -
spry as a cat.
Snelson after being graduated stud
ied law and returned to his country
home to practice his profession. But
his neighbors lived too peacefully to
gether to afford him any casea. and he youth.
The Tumina Point.
"Some girls" remarked the bo not
grown philosopher, "are like cider."
?Whats the answerr' queneu "
i.n. m.t to l.e nt the Jumping o!T place ishmeut at the manager, men aam.
befere she will admit that. Yes; she "May I ask how you became aware
wns homely mid uiignliily. nnd the ru- of thatr
ture held no hopet for her. If she md "I was Informed by an anonymous
bad the money to buy paints and pow- note.
a ...a rwe hair nnd fine bats and 'Tarbteu! It was agreed tn'tween
ith.M h could have concenltHll my uncle and myself that
v . ...
much of the homely and ungnimy, oi
hf didn't have, you see. borne ptlieu
bor, and some made fun of her, and
she bore It with such philosophy as
she could summon up. Her brother
Rill needed her services until he could
bring home a second wife, and yet
that same brother Bill socmen to tune
pains to say to her a dozvu times a
iday:
"Martha Baker, I believe you are
th homeliest woman In the state. By
John, but you'd make a crab apple
tree look sick!"
"Well. If anybody's to blame Its trie
Lord." Martha would reply as she dis
missed tho matter from her mind.
Sometimes a still, small voice would
say to her that her time would come,
but she bad waited so long imu me
voice censed to cheer her. When a
womuu has worn the same hat nil the
year round for nine long years, with
only changing ribbons iroiu reu u
blue, she loses hope ana can 1 ou
blamed for It. That hnt of hers was
the guy of the village, u never ap
peared en tbe street without causing
smiles, nnd It never appeared In church
without provoking titters thnt the min
ister could not suppress.
However, thnt still, small voice kept
... ... It- lo.Knl
on coming. "n "llt K 1111 "vu "e
trumps for Martha Baker. Stie hnd
one been extra kind to an old woman,
1 should
come over here nnd offer my play for
what it Is Intrinsically worth. Unless
you will give me your promise not to
betray my idoutlty my plan tins
failed."
"You need not po further with your
work. I am ready to make you an
offer for It."
"I prefer that It shall stand on Its
merits."
"it shall. If It Is not worthy of pro
duction It shall not be placed by me
on tbe boards. I take especial pride
In giving to the public only such plays
as seem to me to be meritorious."
"Rut von said you were ready to
make me an offer for mine."
"Certainly. I knew that your uncle
would not consent to ymir.pffering nn
nferlof play and that no work could
lie inferior which he hnd supervised."
The visitor, who had meanwhile been
invited to take n seat, sat tapping tho
roll in his hand with bis fingers. He
was ' evidently dissatisfied with the
turn the nffair had taken.
"Come,. M. Rostand,. or Nostatid, if
you prefer," be continued. "I will
iake your play home with me tonight,
read it aud give you .nn answer, to
morrow. I pledge you my word that
If 1 think it will not lie. acceptable to
the, public 1 shall decline it and yon
shall be free to orrer it wnere you h.b,
I ngreclug to keep your secret."
"Since you already possess tnnt sc-
, Judge llodolph Crandall and
wife hava returned from so ixtend
1 trip to the. Kant, wbttB they
visited In Michigan, Minnwota.
WtuconHln and Montsns. While
l 8t. I'aul they were joined by
their eon Robt, Crandall, who bai
piade himself f iraous m one 1 f tho
bftHt Boeinio tihntnirraiiheri In the
world. The three journeyed togeth
er to Rancher, Mont., where they
pent a few daya with Jesse Cran
dall, well known here as a boy, end
ho Is now ranching on a big toale
in the plateau region. Robert o
aompanied them home aiid will re
""win for an extended vUit.
Wyatt A Co have painted the
xterior front of the corner now oc
cupied by them, and have decorated
'he interior, Bohwar'z Bros, doing
work. Readers are rprjueeted
to look over the announcement of
wyatt & Co., in another column.
Lurk In Reynold- recently filed
hia IIS tnt tn Ma tinmaatatrl aionHll
Jy 'resident Grant, away baok in
Carlos Uenley, wbo has been
vieiting hie parents, for some wjsf j
coming here from the VVal la W alia
country, If It here the last or tbe
mZl I r California, via steamer.
nTmay yeld.wnlnto the Panama
Kr-r. he get, back up into the
Oregon oountrv.
. 1. 1. , .1
.Ted" Z mmorman nas -
j-w tltfl I t 11 in "
near wh e he 18 wurna
VSco. Mr. Zimmerman has
been working lor the wn-en-jr jj
gome years, and was well I ked by
his employU and his associates.
Wolf and wife, of worm
lake Smith and wife, of beyond
Glenoe, were io tin olty Toadsy
Mint Ona Ford, with a Portland
abstract firm, was out Sunday, the
guest of her mother.
Kdward Baylee and wife, of West cristo business,
.... . . - .., I, t ...uv.irvh
and tnat out woman -,, Mlo .,. .!, evident
. a 1.. n,1 i.,nni her n hundred Collars v.'i. ii""" . . ,
lu cash. The lawyer came for her sig
nature and brought the greenbacks.
Martha had never hnd even ?j at a
time tn her lifo before. There wero
people In the village who were fairly
well off, hut to have a nunurou oomira
In cold ensh put into one's band nil
at once-why, It looked like the Monte
The news went an
Wm.
for a
1 - J 1 i-vl it u
formed while absent.
Q. Essnerand KirlHollnnbeok
of Mountains, were in the city
yesterday.
Seed oats and tare, rolxfd. for
...B" - SlV1 Farm. West Unhn.
it:- In tha nh vaaterdav over tho iilnee In an hour. Children
Ulliou, " ....,' i.l . . ... .tih ,,!,,, , iiioiithsl
ft.. nr tha ma nrnn trnt 1 arooa ni me kuiw
tn tnt em iu. " ... .,i , tatoniivlto. There
That Gheen. who has been with ... ..nice as to robbers, Investments,
the oondeneer for several years, has speculations and what not. Each hnd
taken the position of janitor at tne different advice 10 give. i"
lis. uLi klUU. ... kind enough to listen to each cnli-
puo.iu ru - I. , wonderful how her stock
1C. K. Watts. Of near Farminjr ., n .mrted at iero nnd went,
ton, reoenlly bouaht a regtsterrd j to 150 j n ny. She was the It. no
fnr the bead of his herd all nn else was talked about. Tho grocer
r .klnK bI1I Mtnrn him a mhn tried to swnv public opinion by
jeraryr, . ..; " , ,. ,,.a nf
fine financial front. . wngmgom 3
. 1 siun Pi r 1 veiuo v...... . -
Frank Kelsey, who has been at Mles Tne minister came with home
a. Martini HltrinM IOf ' aDOUl llvi.i. Thor were not about ner nni
r...n;DVt Atnrnrd naturdaf eve-1 thi. timP. Thev were nbout repnuu
11 t , . 1 . ... I . .. , . ., 0i,i.,a nnd
nlng muoh improvea oy ait mp ing tne cuurcu, new (. - -
. B..i!.i kl. ...n.rt Kim I tha honthen lu Africa Instead.
and he read tne news wnue sweat wi(ifniir' became the
ing out in his OatBS. absorbing topic of the day nnd night.
nr. not forget that Greer keens it has been snld that she had worn
,1 n A.M aaaila 9vtf i ha ..ma hat for nine years. Do you
dii a iuud 111 uvtwi evivei a aa - -
reJuctanee, "I can do notiung nut w nat
you propose. I therefore leave my
mnntiseript with you till tomorrow
morning nt-wbat hour?"
"Ten o'clock. Nine if you prefer it."
"I will call nt 10. 1 shall rely upon
you to ignore me nnd my uncle's repu
tation in the matter and produce my
play ouly if you consider it meritori
ous." "Certainly.
"Remember thnt my own namp. Nos
tand, must be pubiisueu tis-iuo au
thor, not that of my uncle."
The manager stroked his beard com
placently nnd looked nt the author
through a pair of shrewd, twitfkllng
eyes.
.'"It's the piny I want," he said, "not
the mime." ;
I' The author withdrew, wlille the man
ager, returning to his desk, opened a
.lvnWer snd took out a printed form of
contract,' the blnnk spaces of which he
proceeded to till. Then no uihockcu a
nt xt. Nostnnd's manuscript
inlin Its steel doors, hor the holts
nnd, taking up his hat and caav left
the theater.
The next morning nt 10 o Clock the
manager wns in his office awaiting a
n fm, m Nostand. At 11 o'clock,
when he hnd not appeared, the brow
of the num. who hnd flattered hlmsejf
wont to a mining district In the Rocky
mountains.
The young lawyer hung out his shin
gle nnd so loug as no one required his
services lived iu peace, lie was doi
quarrelsome, and no one had any rea
son to quarrel with him. Occasionally
some one in sombrero bat, woolen shirt
and trousers stuffed In bis boots would
rally him on his. eastern ready made
clothes, but there was nothing in this
to warrant the shedding or blood. --
But law cases were not plentiful in
the west, when suddenly one day the
Emoire Mining company employed him
la a case against one who had Jumped
a claim it owned.
Traphagan, tbe defendant, had no
title whatever- to tbe property. He
proposed to hold it by brute force. Ht
had killed half a doien men simply
by shooting first. He would hide a
pistol in a pocket of his coat and
shoot without drawing the weapon.
His method was well known and ter
rorized every one who came in con
tact with him. As soon as Snelson
was announced as the mining compa
ny's counsel Traphagan stated public
ly In the Alhambra saloon tnat 11 me
tenderfoot appeared in court to argue
the case be would pay for his assur
ance with his life. Of course be in
tended the stntetaent for the lawyer,
and the message went straight to
Snelson.
it was generally conceded that the
case would never come to trial. No
one thought that the quiet young ten
derfoot would pay the penalty of ar
guing a case with his life, nor was
there any other lawyer in that region
who would stand In his place. lTap-
liRgiin did not concern himself further
In the matter, not doubting that he
would be left, for the present at least,
In possession of the claim he had
jumped. When the day and hour foi
trial came around be had forgotten
nil about it. Notified that the case
had' been called, he hurried to the
courtroom..
The sight he saw there startled him.
The court was seated on a three leg
ged stool before a board resting on
two barrels. . The Jury occupied a
dozen cracker boxes. A large number
ot spectators were present, not for the
purpose of hearing the evidence, but
to see the fun. The most notlceablt
feature of the spectacle was the ten
derfoot attorney standing before a
barrel turned on one end, tbe other be
ing covered with two long knives and
two revolvers of the heaviest caliber.
Snelson looked the defendant in th
eye aud said:
"I have heard that you Intend to
kill me if I arguo this case. To kill
me you must get your hand in your
pocket. The first motion you make in
that direction I'll fill you full of bul
lets aud then go for your carcass with
these knives."
Snelson then presented undoubted
evidence of the title of tbe Empire
Mining company to the property In lit
igation. Traphagan let the case go by
default, and th&jury without leaving
their cracker boxes gave a verdict In
favor of the plaintiff.' .'
But It was evident from the look on
Trnphngan's face that the case had not
been settled between him and the ten
derfoot. As soon as the verdict against
him bad been . recorded he said to the
latter
"1 don't want to kill a gal, but 1 do
want to give you a thrashing. . I'll al
low any gent here to disarm me, and
we'll go out with hothin' but our fiats
to find out which is the best man."
"I have no quarrel with yon," replied
Snelson, "but if you insist upon It I'll
accommodate you
Trnphngan was relieved of Wa weap
onsthere was one In each of bla coat
"They are sweet until it's time to
work," replied the philosophy oitr
penser.-Detrott Free IYest.
Gat a Move On!
Come, you goat.
Loco mote!
Get a move on.
Get a shove on.
Never mind which war you'rt motln.
Locomote. locomote!
Grab your rival by the throat.
Tear hia coat.
Get his goat
Call hla bluff.
Make htm luff. '' '
Make him sheer off. i
Bite hla ear off!
That's success.
What? Yes!
'Mote, you goat!
Locomote!
Chicago Trtbun.
A Diplomatic Way.
"Even If Peary had doubted Cook
he needn't have come out flat and call
ed him a liar."
"He might have grinned, chucked
him In the ribs and said, Oh, you kld
derf "-Kansas City Times.
. Tho Froien Utopia.
Oh. take me to the north pole,
Where the mighty glaciera groan, J
Where Ice Is free and bills for coal
Are things that are unknown!
One suit of clothes will last all year;
No fashions atir up strife.
On the frosty spot that caps thla aphart
You'U Hnd the simple life.
Chicago Newt.
Why He Cried.
"Why are you crying, Johnnyl"
"We was playing train and I waa
the engine."
"Yes?"
"And pa corned in and switched me."
-Judge.
Speed th Spatdar.
He took his auto for a spin
And spun the town around.
He quickly ran Into a span
And spilled upon the ground.
They aped him to the apeeder't cell.
He spent two months and ten.
He's never had the apunk to ipln
And spill a span again.
Boston Herald.
, Reminded.
"What do you think of this polar
business?"
"You scoundrel Just as I had al
most succeeded in not thinking about
it!" New Orleans Times-Democrat
Growth of Arbitration.
Who says the world la growtng worst!
Who aays that peace la not In sight
When e'en the pugilists converse ,
Instead of getting up a fight T - - "
Washington Star.
Critical.
Mamma And how did you like the
country, Willie?
Willie-It's like a park, only tney
allow houses on it, and they don't keep
It up near as well. ruck.
The Wild Horta of tht Skies.
Through the Infinite meadows ot heayan
The comet sweeps by like a gale.
The stars are the -daisies It tramples.
The planets are burs in Its UU.
. . - --Kansas City Time.
Tht Inevitable.
"I knew it had to come."
."How how?"
"That show at the town hall tonight
has .an Eskimo quartet."-LouivlUe
Courier-Journal, : , , '
Signt.
A ring around the moon meant rain.
As many of ua know.-
One round the finger of a girl
Ah, that means rolgn alao!
Boston Transcript
Wherein They Oifltr.
rjerWhen a man starts to talk he
never stops to think.
Hlm-And when a woman starts the
paver tblnkj0 StMVMca-ti J" V.
ft'
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I ,
1-
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