SCHEME
m
Cobbler Was
low the German
Poorhousc.
Saved from mo
rUNERAL HE DIDN'T ATTEND
I 014 haemal
aef
BUoenea1 Hla
r" ' ..... A.nuunC
ing II WeuU
.j Owing U
Death" ef M't
(lra - -
v, M. QUAD.
orlated IJtarari
I j.lme Ul "
fl .. ,t..r block
go shoemaker
i-..i Ilka lei
I I win f i,H,M'
MM M ,1,1 Mil llM
, fire out "
kill h "
C II v "'
L'wilrg ",m
nil ruai.niirte
i iniy near
tio ir, wit
. Mlr " "
r . .t.ui'i have
ual.ali.ia Ullil
1 11 x children
C., our '" drr '
r . , . trx.til Ull
nign. ruing'
r tlM begra
Id plrtrs In
h ." -
tii "in am
liuuw, 1M
C, ih.ii t t1""'1
Li I Sherman tailor ilr"t
ll M
L. ! kM ft" Itrara
IllH
W It till
Cwjrt:
Lt jug don't umlrratgnd i1
? Don't I
lar Ametl
lr
ill peoples uud rant gH along
114 I tt "Ur friend, uim! I gd
m tog to r bark to Httrr uiaay. I'w
I
Iwolry tus aooa (ur ymi. una)
h rant rstrh ."
Bui I don't eu Imrlt i Rbrrtnaar. 1
Vil Id tlif trk inrq ttiul nit Ui.d
lutrr liluiu iri-v uil Ui ium llilnk
i ... . . . .
i ibim i ia inir, mi Urn
iifntuiiu l kuow tlwt It vbai, uimI
Wl Iwt:
' Vl itmit krr oulrt uihI ball
Jmn t-r rtrrjrdif f.f dlutiof . I
flit .Lit. vlu ttrtu. t Vlui
1M HI; 111 I nuke bit ile-ti (in J
Kl Bit in mr !! udow. I rt Avt
ptt lo brli uw, uml wt tuakc hot
tww lngtis.-, She rrtJi:
T(X)K N.-TIi'K -Mr muttr ln
l iwt drl und () ho h
clotml tuf Ibiwi d) T yuf
eotWlm i j.f a. Ih kw II
tlp ui4 gaud.
ItfOe tall.if rultiM In akual l
t llcf ilu rra.llf. uml lie rvula II
Bui bolJt tiii hi Lmjilii uml ur
l"Um,)t t, j,our Bni,,b. ,r 0
fflw.lt luiuorrow umriiliig j-oti than lit
uirninoy .r(T. r brfur did I know
w l iilirrtuw lit rival In iw-
-r uiior U-iirvr l vhn f,M.. bul
d't MJf nul. h Wllt mv. It
M ihmt nft,r daylight IH lt niuro-
Imh ii.iiip .mr tiimmcra tnj
W Utl Kikrs inn n.,... U. lf,,
p It film bnnkntiitrr tvmo to Ink
' uii. l.ut vben 1 get down
lw I flmt a mllkiiMU mit a imlr of
Wi In bin ha ml.
"Uik hrn-, roiiiiipr, That 4ixa din
hunt lik,. Diln tetlt
"Vol) dtiut fM Hi vuiip ulirm Him
"tn."
"IllVlmm your mii,!1l...l,, rl,..
Mr
t'nd rou anv (lr niuii.U .l..ll
"Vrd."
"Vbi'll, I UL,, tn (i -,.
Pit "tint tinn ,iu .kn ... ... k
l7 lll'lll.
rrtlUllllc Wllll'l alai.,1 ... It I ...
F'UllKI 111 Ha t ... ..I.I j,..
' l-li.-f w. go to der dago tx
' ' mi any mT No ni0och y0
J" t rtuj din town yPt,
"nt ymi mu,- ynr p,!,, ,0 dpr
I Nn.vn.
w, ik.. ar.iur, tmt now ! fhnnRe.
hH w,n , und you
n , , ,","ny "m dey Ttrna.
J"t Imve m tomorrow morning.
o1Pi.W"nl' "ow-'t word. Ut
"rol,1,m"Il"r In law bury hcrwlf."
Liugha to Hlmialf.
...r" (,l.'t mllknwn Thai gone I
ck o myanif. , know , vb ,
I.,,,,,,. ', ""hi an jectnau comra
r-"""u in
,i,1nl "hit m a tm
'lien ho a..,,. , i, .
f rornrr In a hurry, and
hi . . " mill out:
Vlina t'niii.. i .
i) i. . , luo ior aomo nopa
uaJ.k'7 1"'tyon.ovouutll
i'oa';M""P VhM hut f,or
"Don't i,.. i... .
pwn." 1 ,,renit "or floor
"Hilt IIIV inn.l.l.- 1 .. ..
"v. """""T-iii-iaw"
Jt, ?"r WeMn.taw take, It Into
tluuiopV Dck in fifteen
Ld,wL K,,t ,,nlf nouBh brcakfaat
1 T "be" ! " a won.
, how. Bho Uvea only a
,rVor flv Tn, but .he
Ci , nMa tne- 81,8 ha. aoinf
radn , ,, T '!"m1, " Vim. bnro-
tan n , ""k v'' r Tan.
m l L1"" ""'k-nborhood, do you?
Khi Hf V1you cnn Bhut oop your
f hii lst vll)n you
'iiut
'y tnuddMn.w ihn. doad.
fit )'. hoc?'
n :m
NsOwnO: ;
w a r.
Wmo y
vs Of j
mk ""
t in f,.f ,),, lMi
.rtlH-M..,lv a ,,,,!, I, , ,,
''i ' 11
Miolna (Inn 1.1, , ,,., i
IIH? i. f l
"If l ! .!,,' , ' u :,
yi.ii Twiil r u-nr "
iH-r iln,. MI..I M, .,uu ,
hattBt I Ki hy any ,, , i , , Mi, ,
Klnil mm , . ,, , , ,,. , i
fllll Hbllll fl ,H.I l,, ,, ,
i.iiiii rum lull mr "
M-r lliaa muni. !,,, , , (
111 ..ll.lili.r li. I.. .. .... .
l.- l I t II Mllllll!,-, ,,. ,.,
...inn limn mil ...u. !, .,. In B (l. t
i.nii'a in nun n)
"I - dr l..r.. a f..w ,tt.-- ,.
uml mm ji.nr .lKn K.i ,., )av ,,,,
lirrr
"Vra N
"Vbaa aim w,rrr i.l.ir
"AIhmiI rlehty
"t'ml lm s g,u,i v
"Hhi ibna ..mi. auri-W"
"Vt.iJI. M i. i, ,,n, t,nt,
d..t lllrr Inml V..'i ay ) ,
bill m nli,.,, f,,r ,,rm, ,),,
"Vra"
"To trrw f ,r ii,.rr
"Vbrll. Ji.ll I l.lll ...n,,, nti.t.-knajai If
Jim ilo' llul ... '! ,i w.h
li.rli.11, uml It lima )i,llr .Jot, ,
llirliil rill lm Jim U-llrii- ( ,.nr .
mil a blr In li u,itll,. jnr
lail.l.lrf HI Inn tm ilrmlj No lr
If ymi abut .(. )ia .I,,,,, K t,y (ll.r
tKHIre aimlit l "
"Vhy doii'l j mi yu l.jr Urn ,tnSo
Ir I an j
"Noli nf jmir wn,-a I go ,rrr
I Itkn. Miiku a g,, J, f ,il lu. tll--a
of jou I baa a,in il,-i IhMii. lni.ai,,
t'nd di-ti I li Hiint r r,.u,,T, it,
Tliaa a alinrp man. ami ,i,
It Of him. but Im baa i.illo
! Bil, urn h aaia
"lk B ll. IV, l,i(,a; j, ,
Ibla ab up ihh. (,,r il,rr, Unvi"
"Hut If tnjr li.mlilir In law (1l,nr
Publ.4 Wanl. 6liS.. H,p,,r,J.
1 Iwo ta-t brr ilV Tlir Ul.a of jour
nwMinliif or-mi tut f,.r tbrrc ,)n)a f,,r gt)
ol UHl'l.l.r In law la ail f.-ilinlioro.
Th m.lli- ha il aaiiiir ahmTi mi iid.i!.
uml jou tiato jot to In- 1,,-r i.i ,u it
Kuiijmhm. ui tniiil,!, f bi la m tlu H
I abul twi my lw, ai.il rrj an.uml
for tlirw daja? any I K., ,y
drr funifBl, ami ib-u I Uiaa na.ly fur
(irnaiiru a fa I a If wmi waler .liwa
burnt uml I i baa ibr. i,ia abaj
hat would m.U- aay i.f II V
lM iatvt rubliirr la a gl
man.
llatig drr daen;"
Tud hr tlin a Tntdr U-ar mil
rry rrliirtit al'ti br on
ilaiU hla Trdtly Uara! Uk Bl
Ot lu my eye Vni bury i.. nlj
wuiiian In two twura nn, u- n k
brrr at wfk If ) d.m'1 i. II drrv
alia II Im a, h a r ari.uml bi-rr dot
jour Uoi falla dow o "
II baa i,-r aaim- mil fjfl.rii -,,,,-a
Vlitrn 1 don't but aumn ivi.rk dry
ruh It In mi mr; if t ibaiii om,.
WiiTk dry so .y drr dagn'a I Ukr In
tau Mrrka' r-alrlli lu uim day, uml
lrn tWr IitUo Mirrman lallor nnim
ar.'Utu i;alii be hrara Rlx.ul It uml
aaja
"Vbrll, liana. ina you ma not
tKirb a liltf abarkaaa aah I brllrto you
baa, but I iluum-l duiimi
Imparftct tquipmtnl.
' wimdrr If bttutrra lunl any kind
of Mjulpturut lu Mmrtal'idayr' uiuaitl
thv aallow atudrnt
"Of cvurw not." aal.l tlir up to dai
youth. "Tliry bmlii't invniirtl raim-ra
and jtrraa aitrul lu tb dnja."-ltal-
tlinurp Aturrl. an
DiWtrtnl Poinlf of Viaw.
"I bad a stand lum brim." mid the
luuali-al youuK woman
didn't," rrpllrd Ibr mualral Touilg
man who la tmi burrlnl to alt down,
"t bad an uirli;lit luncheon "-Waxti
lugtou Kiar
Raal Enjoymant.
"What did ymi ?iij")' " dnrtiiB
your varntloit?"
Ttilnklim about what a ! tlim I
waa koIiib to hate wlirii I got Uoxut."
Kmart Sri,
Llnta lo a Lawn Hon.
InawaiMla thlna, thou alralrhoal out thy
IrmUi
Aa Irrartwrmia aa Ijukhmih of old.
Ami we. atiapecim- nol thy traU'roua
alriMiiitli,
Approarti II'M auHlliiKly whlla Ihou'rl
uutrollrtl.
Ilvtlmea ihou'rl nllo aa lh akliiful
lamb
And do our Wddlna with a allrnl rharm.
Again imiu'rl Hrrrrr than the flaky ram
And n our aoula with irrror ami aiiirin.
Whan In our Humlay twal w near Ihy
nola
Thou wblilrat to our tiraat and wildly
aoaalal
Iladal thou a fnra 'twouhl andle In mild-
vat rwain.
.... ... m .. .i.t.... ...tprititf lii Ita ii..n.
Thou dt wait lh fulrful moment for re-
Itutaa
And thru makr. ua aa mud aa a wot hen.
iy. aflrr thou haat aqulrlrd all our gain
Thou Ural I" 'h giaaa whara Ihou art
(lung,
,nd Ilka a aaarlng, aiorchlng, i)lonrd
barb
Ar gurgling chucklrt which thou glvrat
Compound of klmlnraa and of wrath ab-
horrent.
n lhn thou npiilter ua farwa.l
lormitl . ...
-Wilbur Ncahlt In Chicago Poit.
Came Homo at Eventide FeelinQ
Out of Sorts.
BLAMED WIFE FOR NEGLECT.
Retort From Mra. Bowiar Angry Man
Raoountad Miahapa to Hia Clothei
and -Raiolvad to Praat Own Trou
.era In Future.
By M. QUAD.
tCopyrlght, W9, by Aaaoclated Literary
I'roaa.j
AT ton tiilnuti'S to o otiwK iuu
A other evonlng Mrs. Howwr
AalV took her .eat on tho front bIi-iis
A to wait for Mr. Uownor'a lumiu-
couiIuk.. At live nilmitca to hub
aw him drop off a car at tho coruer,
aud a shndo of ulixluty en me to her
face. Mr. Uowser's walk miowou umi
ho wu. dlHitruntled about BometmnK.
Ills
nhoulders almieued ana ms ieui
BOWSER
REBELLED
drnuKedj
tm'u . ''" r ""h a Ml. a au.lln
" '"' I "f lli mmi.,r mwoul tin,
l-.t I..- ,11,1 , b Bh.
'!' '" h"H 1,1,11 hr Ufagi..,l blm-
. H.r a..-,., a, , , u
I'") H.-l lo ra, I. I. r. but lliUr
"W'rll. 11 tl, U.rlt , a
ol. in,.,
"Humph
"Ah)tliln K,mr ,,, M, ffl(.,r
lli' ult,., . ,1B (lJii(
b.H and ai.lb..r , (, ,,,,,,. , ku.k
t t!i nt ami udaawj ,rr by g H
d a U f..l.,w.i down t dlunr
aouo lhlns Hk, , twmu .m ,,,,
ill!
"Uxg ar Hum larnaan, ouo laou
atiui, mtut. tour1
It mltfhl have Imo a tuoan or It might
bale Uim wmr word. lu Ibr raa
of a man It a aom, tlmia hard to trll.
la jou got tootlm-msT" gakrd
Mra liowair aa tliry aat down at the
fit dir.
"Of n.urwj n-.t," be ri pIM. with a
growl.
"Haa your rbrumallam broken oul
Bjjalur
No n ply to tbla-Juat g gurgle.
"Vou han-ti'l bad g cblll, have youl
You look g little blue ground the
llpa"
Nrrrr mind what alia me," wa hla
drrary rrply "I am of no gecount In
tlir ttou gnyhow. Jt wouldu't mgt-U-r
lu tbr lltlitrt If 1 wrre brought
borne drad"
ilra Howarr Bllillrd to hrr Inner erlf,
but anld no lilorr. Kilo knew that a II
would le eiplalnnl Utrr on. From
time to time during the dlnnrr hour
Mr. Howarr alghrd wearily and rolled
up hla ryea and pli ki-d at hi food aa
If aoine treat Borrow waa gugwlng gt
hla hrartalrluga. He had walked up
nml down the altilng room ten mlu
utra before he turned uu Mra. Howarr
wliti:
"I bare been thinking thing OTer
and have dild It la time for me to
leave the botiae. I aeetu to be more
of a cheap boarder here than anything
rl gnd 1 gin tired of the poattluu."
"What lii'liartjar! If there la a hug
band In the world that geta more at
tention tbgu you do I abouid like to
are lil i n. Cheap boarder, Indeed!
What baa happened today? What do
you want to Qud fault wltbf
"Will you look at tbta necktie?" be
gakrd aa hla baud went up to It
"Will you Juat cast your f ee on the
old rag I re been wearing around my
unk all day?"
"Vra. that lie la all of a year old.
It la frayed gnd wrinkled, and there
are about litem different paint gpota
on It It waa In the rag bag. and you
hunted It out tlil morning and put It
on. What eaaer
Calla Attanlion to Defecta.
"It'g no ue to ggy guythlng. but
look gt tbla bule In my ghne. Did you
errr before arc g rea)er table man
wearing a alme like that? Ten million
people hare looked at that yawning
bulo today and wondered whgt aort
of wife I had gt home."
"Ten million prople bgren't done
gny auch tblug!" gharply replied Mrs.
llowaer. "In the flrat plac-e the hole
bi hardly large enough to bo Been, aud
In the next It waa your bualueag to
have had It patched. No wife goes
around with hrr eyeg on her hu
band'a feet He la guppoed to know
when they nwl eobbUng.M
"Woman, do you know who I am?"'
ahouled Mr. Ilowser ga be drew hlm
aelf up.
"Yea, I think I know."
"Then tell me how on earth this rlj
eamo In my coat! Here It la, under
tho arm. and the whole town hag been
grinning at It all day long. Am I to be
tbua humiliated because you gad about
and hare no time to mend my
clot bear
"Yea. I here la a rip under your arm.
If you knew It thin morning you said
nothing to me about It. If you didn't
know It when you went away then
neither of us Is to blnme. 1 think
you umde the rip this morning when
jou were lining up the gate to see
why It i) Ul n t shut. Uo on."
"I got on the ear this morning to
find whitewash on my hat. Think of
it-whitewash on llowser'a hat: All
the passengers were looking and smil
ing and nudglug each other, and when
I took off my hat to brush It one big
bull necked loafer laughed out "haw.
haw. haw? I felt like sinking through
the floor of the car with ahatne."
'So you hnd whitewash on your hat.
Well, let me tell you where you got it.
You stopped In to see the carpenter be
fore you took the car, and you must
have run against something."
"Hutted my head, did I?" fairly
howled the martyr aa he sawed the
air with bis arms, "Woman, am I a
coat, that I go around butting things!
I tell you thnt whitewash was on my
hut when I left this house, and If you
hiul lieen any sort of wife you would
Imve seen It. Doubtless you did see
It, but desired to make me tin object
of ridicule. It is no wonder that I
am looked upon with pity."
"And your further complaints, Mr.
Bowser ?"
"I have millions of them. Look at
these infernal old trousers, will you?"
"I see them. You hnd them made to
order three months ngo and paid the
tnllor $0. Have they shrunk or fad
ed?"
"No, but they bag at the knees, and
where can you find any creases? They
look like meal bags drawn over hitch
ing posts and yet you let me wear
tlmtijajround and don't Bay a word. N,o
MiiUBono noui. august 1909
wonder tbr jramlna rry out to earli
other lo get m to my h-gaT'
"Hut do I wear your trourr?" pro-ati-d
Mra. Ilowarr. "If they bar at
the knrro ami the rrraaoa bare ran
tohrd yoti at.,,ul, t-iko Hum to Hi
tailor I have m-n-r prni g ,lr
yet, and I don't think I roiil.l make g
good Jot, I.f f, ,ni f J-,,,, y ,
will try "
"I do nut nak your BMnm-e w ill
lo It myarlf. Juat tf.-t your tioa. Into a
noeel and leave me lo do your work
foe you "
J. Aorta at Preaaing a Failure.
There uaa no more to lt mid on
Mr. Ito.r'g part. Ho went down
to the kllrbrn and put a Hatlron on
the Btovn, uml by tho time be had
changed It waa ready for hint. He
had had no experlrm- a a preaaer,
but he went ahead with the greatest
confidence. After he had pnllrd and
hauled at the trouarrg for ten minutes
t' get the "baggy" out he Inld them
on the table gnd applied the hot Iron
to make the rr.-aa.-a. U so happened
gt this moment that g fight lietween
rgtg began In the bark yrd. and he
left hla Iron to ruh out and annihilate
the dlaturberg. He waa looking on and
betting Ida coin on a one eared feline
when Mrs. Itowu-r railed to blm from
a window above:
"1 gmell burning cloth. Ton'd better
go hi gnd ge to your troum-rg."
It wgg time. Indeed. It wag pa at
time. The hot Iron had scorched gnd
cbgrred gnd ahrlreled until little wgg
left of tboae nine dollar trousers but
buttons gnd buckles, Klowly and care
fully Mr. liowaer gathered up the re
mglna Blowly gnd with dignity he
beeved the atill hot Iron out of the
back door ami went upstairs. He
pauard g moment In the doorway to
trgnafit Mrs. liowaer wllh a glare,
and then be held up the remnants and
hoarsely wblnperrd:
"Woman, behold your work?"
"I thought something wag burning,"
abe replied, "but what have I to do
with It? You let them burn while you
were looking at the rata."
"Not g word more, woman not g
word' Tula la the Inst hnlr. I hgve
borne gnd borne, but I aball bear no
longer. Tomorrow we will consult our
rrapcctlve lawyer and begin proceed
ings for divorce. Ptioutd any one aak
for me in the next hour tell them I im
In the library and cannot be dlxturbed
on any grrouut, dual night, madam;
gold night lo your
To trig Reteua.
"I can't begin to tell you how much
I love you. dear; I really can't."
"Then don't try," she said sooth
ingly, "for you'd undoubtedly make a
roeag of It." New York I'reas.
Trig Umpire.
A fool then, waa who brgau to awear
(Evan aa you or 1)
At a ahlrt and a shoe and a ahork of hair
(Wa rallxt him the umpire who wasn't
aquarv).
Hut (ha fool he called him names for fair
(Even aa you or 1).
Oh. the balla we atop and the fllea wa pop
And our beautiful clean base hlta
That are a polled by the umpire who
knowa too much
(And now he knows that he knew too
much.
For wa had to give him flu).
A fool there waa. and a batl ha fouled
Even aa you or I).
The umpire yelled "Fair!" and the audi
ence howled
(Hut the umpire only glared and scowled),
Whlla the batter deeply gnd fiercely
growled
(Even aa you or I).
Oh, the wrath unapoka and the awsarg
wa choke
And the eicellent eplthete
Which belong lo the umpire who knowg
It all
(That fool of an umpire who knowa It all)
And all of our game upsetat
The umpire with haughty pride waa filled
(Even aa you or I),
Hut that wasn't what the audience willed
(They loudly demanded hla blood be
Bplllaxl),
So gome of him lived, but he mostly wgg
killed
(Even aa you or D.
And It lan't the chump and it Isn't the
gump
That makes us ao awful mad.
It'a coming to know that be never eaa
ump
(For hla bead la only a sodden lump),
And hla Judgment's always bad!
Carolyn Wells In Harper's Weakly,
By HARRIET COWLEY.
Copyright, 1909, by American Press Asso
ciation.) Whoever Is born with superior men
tal powers must pay a penalty. Such
persons are not satisfied to work In a
common field. They struggle for a
higher one to which admittance Is de
nied tbera until their fitness for It is
recognised. And how muny a "mute
Inglorious Milton" has lived and died
without any auch recognitiou while his
untalented brother has won a high po
sition! The same Is often true of one
who loves madly. The very Intensity
of his person robs him of his coolness.
He frets and fumes while a rival un
moved by sentiment lay. siege to the
maiden aud wins her by regular ap
proaches. When Johu Gregory went to college
he expected to lend bis fellow students
a. he had led his schoolmates and aft
erward to lend the world a. he had
led hla university associates. The
only other being he loved except him
self was Bertha Avery, and he loved
her far better than himself. It wa.
Bertha who was accountable for her
lover', self admiration. She recognized
bis superior ' endowments and called
hi. attention to them. Therefore be,
believing thnt through them he would
wlu and hold her love, came to set
great store by them.
John waa graduated at the head of
his class. Not only this, but he was
the college literary light of his time,
editor of the university magazine and
winner of all the prizes given for es
say.. Indeed, so marked was bla suc
cess a. a college scribbler that he de
termined to enter the Meld of litera
ture. He was never quite sure that
Bertha loved hlin-lndeed. she had
never told him that .ho did-aud he
did not expect to make the conquest of
her heart till he could lay a laurel
wreath at her feet.
John entered his chosen field encour
aged by all. There was no doubt that
h,bad very superior literary faculties.
Ha entered the editorial service of a
magazine for an income, proposing to
write out of office hours. lie soon con
cluded that to win the success he cov
eted he must furnish something In an
original vein. To. wluj Ju theret
IS GENIUS DEVISABLE?
or.-sn of the rommonplgre did not
pleaae blm. The flrat Important atory
be wrote waa g aiitlre on certain fmla
of the day. He bad resolved not to
embarraa bla emplnyera by offering
th.m any of hla work, no be gent hla
aatlre to another magazine. It waa re
turned with the Indorsement that It
wus too good for the rlaaa of readers
of that pnrtlcuinr magazine.
Meanwhile aa editor he was accept
lng Ntork-g of one Jefferson Hpangler.
They were not to I considered as
within the realms of literature, but
they seemed to plrgae lieople who had
little or no literary taste. Xpangirr
was g connection of Berthg Avery'g.
gnd she hsd Introduced him to John,
asking blm to help one of wboae llter
gry gblllty she had a poor opinion, but
who wag a very "amiable, deserving
fellow." John published some of the
youug msu'g productions irtly to fg
for Iterthg gnd partly becguwe tbey
helped to widen the circle of the mag-
azlue. At least ao thought the editor la
Chief and owner.
While John wag experimenting with
different novel tie to attract tbe atten
tion of tbe public to hla work be main
tained a aort of Indefinite understand
ing with Mlag Avery. He would not
gak for her I III be had met tbe coveted
aucieaa. He always bad aomethlng
under way or finished which be hoped
would make the expected bit. Bertha
encouraged him to push on and he
would eventually reap tbe reward of
bis iierseverauce. But, though many
of hla works were recognized by g
few aa scintillations of genius, only
those of which he himself bad an In
different opinion found their way Into
print. One or two gtorles of marked
originality were published aud attract
ed some favorable comment, but not
enough to fix the attention of tbe pub
lic on tbe writer.
Meanwhile Jefferson Spgngler wgg
plowing In the field of mediocrity. In
time be published a novel which met
with a moderate aucceas. John Greg
ory, surprised, read It, or all of It he
could force himself to read, and woo-
dered. But what wag bla chagrin
when tbe ownera of tbe magazine with
which be wgg connected told blm that
the next issue would contain a like
ness gnd notice of the "new literary
light" gnd that tbey bad decided to
"boom" him.
While Gregory had been trying to
dash In npou tbe public by a brilliant
stroke, humble Spangler bad been
slowly crawling np opon It. He pos
sessed a homely faculty of portraying
the common events entering Into the
lives of ordinary people. Having
reached a point where capital conclud
ed that It could make bla work profita
ble, he bad nothing more to do but
wield bis pen. Capital did tbe rest
Within a few years publishers were
conietlng for bin next novel and of
fering blm fancy royalties for It.
The next chapter In John Gregory'a
life wa. the receipt of a letter from
tbe girl be adored announcing ber en
gagement to Spangler. Since John
bad never made a formal proposal for
ber band, there was no occasion for
ber entering Into any explanation or
apology. She did any, however, that
she waa not to marry her Weal, but
people never did that.
John Gregory la getting old and la
a bachelor. He la second assistant edi
tor of the magazine that "boomed" bla
rival, without prospect of ever attain
ing any greater prosperity. Different
opinions are given aa to the cause or
causes of his not having succeeded, the
moat common of wbjcb is that "he
flew too high,"
A PROPOSAL I ""
THREE LANGUAGES,
By F. A. MITCHEL.
Copyright, 1909, by American Preaa Asso
ciation.! On Lake Como, In northern Italy, is
a little cluster of hotels aud shops
called Bellaglo. Tbe place la near tbe
boundary line between two countries,
tn one of which French la spoken
and In tbe other Italian. English
Americana, French, Italians and Ger
mans all meet here, and the lingual
condition Is similar to that at the
famous tower of Babel. The hotel and
shop keepers, boatmen and other, are
obliged to continually express them
selves in one of three or four lan
guages. French Is tbe prevailing
tongue, with Eugllsb second and Ger
man third. ,
After having finished my education I
decided upon a year's travel In Europe
before beginning the practice of my
profession, and that summer at tbe
height of the Italian lake season I
found myself at Bellaglo. The hotel at
which I stopped was on the very verge
of Lake Como, tbe water plashing
against Its stone and marble porch. Ou
the evening of my arrival I dined at
one of tbe tables on this porch. The
lake or rather this portion of it Is
surrounded by mountain peaks, which
toad out In bold silhouette against the
twilight On the other shore, a couple
of mllea.away. the lights of Cadem
abbia were beginning to glimmer on
tbe line between tbe mountain base
and the lake.
At a table on my left aat a party
some of tbe members of which were
speaking Italian, others French. Among
them was a beautiful Italian girt. They
were drinking champagne and chatting
merrily, while I aat alone, wlablug that
I might even understand what tbey
said. One of the men addressed a re
mark to me In broken English. I met
blm more than halfway and was In
vited to Join the party.
That night 1 dreamed of the Italian
girl, Slgnorlna Alicia Jacontl. 1 had
carried on a spirited dialogue with ber
at tbe table, our language being one
tenth Italian, one-tenth French, one
tenth English and seven-tenths panto
mime. Every one who. knows any
thing about kv know, that aa a don
key feeds on thistles so love thrives
on difficulties. A man may make love
to any girl wbo speaks tbe same tongue
as himself and go to sleep at tho same
tlmeT There'B no incentive in it. But
when a fellow and a girl have but a
few dozen words In common and must
"scratch gravel" to make themselves
understood tbe little god empties hla
quiver before them.
.Well, the next mornlug I hired one
ojL Uioae. delightful, little, boats,, wjtjb.
which Lake Poino abounds, eg. b fur
nished with a canopy and soft cush
ions, lo any nothing of a boatman to
do the work, ami the slgtmrina and I
went for a "promenade," as tbey call
It there, on the water, i'erbaps you
think there wag nothing for tbe boat
man to do but to row. Not much. He
apoke French, Italian ami F.ngllab. the
Illiterate chump, while I, a college
bred American, knew but one lan
guage. The signorlng spoke French
gnd Italian. So, you are, there were
three tongues In the party. Before
starting I slipped 4 lire Into the boat
man's ialm. He thought it was to In
duce him to row fast. Not a bit. 1
bad In view a different use for him.
Besides. 1 didn't propone that lie should
make me and the girl ridiculous by
telling eople what It waa. 1 wanted
blm for an Interpreter.
As soon gs we were off tbe slgnorlna
and I, leaning buck on tbe cushions,
renewed tbe struggle to communicate
of tbe evening before. It ran like this:
"Eet Is ver belllalmo" (beautiful).
"Voua n'avez paa" (you have not) "an
enn" (anything) "so belllsalmo in
Amerlque."
"Not a woman In tbe country go
beautiful as you," 1 replied in four lan
guages and a superfluity of pantomime.
"Ab. m'aleurr (Clasped hands,
smiles, eyes turned upward.)
It wasn't long before 1 bad found
her band (under a fold of ber dress
where tbe boatman couldn't see) and
a current of language common to ail
people, felt. Wit spoken, ran between
us with all tbe aptigbtllnesa of a
bubbling brook. Ro for awhile we
sat without 8 leaking. The boatman
Jogged along over tbe smooth waters
which splashed softly against tbe boat
Tbe reflection of the mountains and
tbe beavens trembling In tbe lake
started me again.
"Votre yeux" (your eyes), 1 said.
"Boatman, what's the French for re
flect r
" 'Refleeblt, monsieur."
"Votre yeux reflechlt lea What's
the French for heaven?"
" Ciel.' monsieur."
"Bully." Then to the girl, "Votre
yeux reflechlt les clel."
"Ab. m'aleurr The eyes went np
and tbe hands were clasped.
Fortunately that all Important word
is much tbe same In several lan
guages, all derived from tbe Latin. It
hi amor (love), anio (I lovei.
"Boatman." I began and stopped. I
couldn't even bear to ask for a word
at such a time. "Boatman," I began
again, "wbat'a that directly behind
you V
He turned, and I whispered with my
llpa close to hers:
"J'amo vol" (I love you).
And so with one letter of French,
one word of Latin and one of Italian
I did the trick.
The slgnorlna la now my wife and
since she lives In America has been
obliged to learn English. She consid
era It a harsh language and entirely
unfitted for lovemaklng.
HIS NARROW ESCAPE,
By JOHN C. ARMSTRONG.
(Copyright, 1909. by American Press Asso
ciation.! When I waa twenty-five years old I
passed a crisis in my life at which I
ah udder today, though it happened for
ty years ago. For two hours I was
suspended, so to speak, between a life
of comfort aud a prison, and the two
hours ended with fire minutes between
life aud death.
This la bow it happened:
When the Union lacific railroad was
building I was taken up by one of its
most Influential directors with a view
to preferment The only position he
could secure for me at first was pay
master, but promised If I proved
worthy to do better later on. My work
waa to go over the line as far as com
pleted In a pay car and pay off the em
ployees. Well, on one of these trips I
reached Julesburjr, then the terminal
though Laramie was to be made the
terminal lu a few days. I paid off at
Julesburg, having between $4,000 and
$5,000 left for the force at Laramie,
and I waa to go there the next morn
ing. To kill time I went over to a hotel
near tbe station, where I found a num
ber of men playlug poker. 1 sat down
to watch tbe game and had not done
so very long before 1 observed that
uoue of tbe players seemed to know
very much about the game. I had a
hundred dollars of my own in my pock
et besides the money I was to pay off
with at Laramie. I had played poker
a good deal for small stakes with my
friends and was considered by them as
au adept at the game. It occurred
me that I might as well take some
to
of
the money that was nassiue to ami
i fro
betweeu these men, and-well, 1 fool
ishly took a baud.
1 was what they were playing for,
and they contiuued to nlnv for hia till
tbey had got my hundred dollars. Then
came the teqjptatiou to recoup with
the compauy's money, a yielding, aud
the loss of nearly all of It 1 knew by
this time that the men were card
sharpers and were cheating me. But
1 knew also that to accuse any one of
them would bring on a row that would
expose me. As to lighting them with
their own Weapons, cheating. If I did
so and was detected I would get a
bullet In my brain.
A terrible situation like this doesn't
usually affect one at the time as It
does after it has passed. Though I
have for years looked upon It with hor
ror, at the time my feelings did not
get the better of my equanimity. 1
presume this was because I realized
that to keep my head was my only
chance.
There was $4,500 in the pot, or Just
the amoant 1 bad lost; On the pre
vious hand I had picked up several
cards that had fallen on tha floor aud
slipped one of them up my sleeve. I
was so desperate that 1 resolved to
cheat and If I did not win the big pot
on tbe table let the others see that I
waa cheating and get a bullet in my
brain. When my hand waa dealt me
there were two kings In it. I drew
three cards, one of them being a king
The card I bad picked np off the floor
was a king, i had given up an ace,
MoonecouhJlduxjTlie
PAGE S
only tnnU lo "ocrit four lings wgg a
royal flush, a pretty hard band for
any one to pnrpoaely make np while
being watched. If I could get la my
four kings I could gave myself. But
what would I do with the extra cardt
I wag desperate, as I have said, and re
solved to trust to luck to get rid ef
It without detection. A device oc
curred to nie. Iirtnks were coming on.
and, geeiug some sandwiches on a
counter waiting to be gent out to all
ot hrr party. I railed for one of then.
As soon aa I bad secured it I ottered
gn exrigrnntlon and looked fixedly
throngh the open doorwgy. Every
man turned his head, and I slipped xny
extra card Into the sandwich. When
the men tamed I was eating bread.
meat ami card altogether.
I won the if, but one of the party.
looking at me fixedly, said, "Stranger.
w lint d you see when yon gang oat
so Kiiildcnly Jtmt now?"
My success gave me confidence, and
I kept my coolness, but I could think
of nothing probable for a reply. "I
thought I a:iw a friend of mine," I re
plied, "out there whom I auppoeed to
lie in Chicago."
"Are you sure you ain't got a deck
up your sleeve or somewhere.
"What do you mean?" I replied, brlsv
tllntf. Ilialng. I shook my aleeves and
turned my pockets Inside out, showing
that no card could be concealed on my
person. Then, scooping np the pot, I
said:
"Gentlemen. I have been accused of
cheating, and 1 will play no more. I
am loser by about $75. so that I nave
g perfta t right to quit."
Though I knew my life bung In tbe
balance, nothing could equal tbe re
lief 1 felt oS I turned squarely away
ami walked out of the bouse. They
doubtless felt sure 1 had purposely di
rected their attention from myself
whUe I cheated, but I bad not been
detected, aud the difference waa tbe
difference between life and death.
It would be Impossible to describe
my feelings as I walked to my car.
Horror, relief and so many other e mo
rion a were mingled that I didn't know
whether I walked, staggered or flew.
When I reached my car I threw my
self on my bunk and shook like a leaf
In the wind.
Tbe crisis passed. 1 waa sure never
to be caught again. I waa rapidly pro
moted, became one of the principal oflx
cers of another road and have had a
successful life.
The Circle.
"Mr. Interlocutor, can you tell me
why a four year course In the Engllah
department Is like a mile race on a
one lap track?"
"No, Mr. Tarnlw, 1 can't tell yon why
a course In tbe English department la
like a mile race on a one lap track. la
It because It s pretty slow?
"No. Mr. Interlocutor; it'a becaase
when you finish you're right where
you were when yoa started out."
Wisconsin Sphinx.
In Dreamland.
They were out with a party yacht
ing. Conversation flagging, he re
marked, twisting bis labial ornament:
"1 declare the briny breeze haa made
my mustache taste quite salty."
"Yes," inuocently said .he. "1 think
It has."
And then she wondered why they
all tittered. Answers.
The Savage Bachelor.
" The time has come,' the walrus
said, 'to talk of many things.' " quoted
tbe sweet young thing, apropos of
something or other not essential to the
working out of this story as a bit of
art
"Oh, she did, did she?" snapped the
savage bachelor. Houston Post
Modest, as He Alwaya la.
Tbe pirate pauses as he la about to
pass finally from the scene.
"But who among you will swear Ilka
me when I am goner he asks aadly.
Nobody answers, but tbe goldfish la)
seen to blush modestly and cast down
his eyes. Detroit News-Tribune.
A Smooth Answer. '
Ilusband (angrily) What aort of
laundry work do you have done in this
house? Look bow my collars era
Ironed!
Wife (gently) Yes, dear, the Ironing
here Is indeed a pressing evil. Balti
more American.
On the Links,
Apopleptlc Colonel (after six mild
ones In tbe bunker, in a paaaion)
And I get a stroke here what?
Medical Partner Well, there is every,
symptom of It.
Evidently a Connoisseur,
"Bllggings Is a connoisseur in ci
gars." v
"He must be; otherwise he might
make-an occasional mistake and give
sway a good one."-Mlnneapolia Jour
nal. Of Course, How Could SheT
He How could you lead me on when
you knew all the time I waa In love
with you?
8he Why, If you hadn't been how
could I have done lt?-New York Life.
t Justice Is Freaky.
"A Kentucky paper came out tome
time ago and said It had found the
meanest man in the nation." - .
"Yes?"
"It said he lived In a certain section
of the state, and a man at once got up
and said he was the fellow."
"That was funny."
"Oh, I don't know about that. He
sued the paper and got $500 damages."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.