THE ORE&OyiAX fORtfcASfl)," TOtE 23, 1S22
CURRENT HAPPENINGS PICTORIALLY PRESENTED BY DARLING
TOO TOUCH A PROPOSITION' EVEN FOR THE LIFE GUARD.
IPS SOMETIMES JUST AS WELL TO RECOGNIZE THE INEVITABLE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
EARTH: .HATH ITS SORROWS, WHICH STRIKES ACANJCQT. CURE.
' NEITHER CAN YOU MAINTAIN RAILROAD WAGES O.V A FALLING) FREIGHT JURKET
ONCE UPON A- TJMB THERE WAS A MAN WHO HAD A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER WITH NICE
"WAVY GOLDEN HAIR.
THANK GOODNESS THERE'S -ONE, MEMBER OF THE FAMILY GOES SERENELY ABOUT
" HER BUSINESS. "
ISNT THERE A GOLDEN TEXT OR SOSIETHING HE COULD TEACH HIS OWN BOYS. TOO?
Real Love Stories
EVER after the death of a fa
vorite brother who was a
missionary in China, mother
held up the idea to us girls that
one of us ought to find it in her
self to carry on the good work
which he had begun. Well, I was
the plainest and hardiest and most
blessed with a love for new ex
periences, so it became natural to
think of me as the one to go.
I prepared, accordingly, to be a
teacher of English and hygiene.
and whatever else I could get
across in a government school in
west China; and soon found my
self within a year of setting out
upon the adventure.
In the meantime I settled down
teaching high school. Then I
caught influenza and had to go to
the country to get strong again.
Thinking to be useful at the same
time. I chose to spend the summer
in an isolated farming community,
which had been represented by a
city charity board as In. need of
some one to organize its recrea
tion. Recreation. Such a stolid, compla
cent lot I had never dreamed could
exist. They had their own rooted
notions of pleasure, which consisted
among the older ones of carousing
and gossiping, and among the
younger for the most part already
cousins of early courting, in which
they wanted no assistance from
me.
I set myself the task of sticking
it out for the summer. My services
resolved themselves into taking
shifts at night with wornout farm
wives who had teething babies. Day
times I slept, except when I went
around to sewing societies In an
effort to know the people better.
I soon arrived at the conclusion
that this was a segregated settle
ment whose general average of in
telligence was low, and that it was
getting lower from close intermar
riage. The one exception was the com
munity doctor. He was a plodding,
serious young man who had all he
could do bringing infants into the
community stupid infants who
would grow up Into stupid people.
Stupid doctor, thought I.
One' night one of the, teething
babies developed a high fever, and
I sent for the doctor. Before he
came the little thing died. It was
a hot . August night and my first
experience with death. I met the
tardy doctor, blubbering almost as
desperately as the mother. He was
irritable.
I flung at him: "O, I'm not crying
for the reason you think I am. I'm
crying because they don't -all die
young in this degenerate place."
He told me with restraint that I
was suffering with nerves.
The following Sunday we took a
long rid together tor Us nerves.
We talked; we argued; we quar
reled. He called my point of view
toward the -village unsympathetic,
inhumanitarian. I told him he was
misdirecting his energies; that he
was sentimental. He denied none
of it.
"I'm one of them, you know. The
only difference between them and
me is that I got out."
It seems that his father before
him had been the village doctor,
and his mother, still living, one of
the farm girls.
"And your wife will be one, and
you'll be shut in to this deadening
existence all your days, and to
what end? If you want to sacrifice
yourself why don't you pull out
and go to China?"
Beoausa he was needed right
where he was, he said. We never
got past that in subsequent argu
ments. But he did not seem averse
to arguing. I determined to fight
it out along that line if it took all
winter. ;
In fact, I did spend the rest of
the year there, taking the place of
the one teacher in the one school.
They were a slow lot But I found
that by catching them young it
was not impossible to touch aft a
spark of ambition in them. In
each, however hard to get at, there
was some desire for new experi
ences, which I endeavored to meet
with. tales from the outside world,
magazines, music, and in the case
of the more promising ones, by
trips to the nearest cities. I grew
fond of them.
In the spring I " let the doctor
laugh with me ovar my youthful
dream of being a missionary to
China. Then I married him.
Have I given up my idea of carry
ing, on my unole'g work? By no
means. Never were heathen mora
in need of missionary work than
the kind of community which I
now call my home.
Besides, I'll get my husband out
of it yet, even if we have to wait
for ourvson to take his place before
we set out to foreign parts.
Am I stupid? Yes, but happy.
BREAD DEPOT CREATED
Grain Corporation at Vienna to
Distribute Cereals.
VIENNA. With the termination
of governmental control of the pro
duction of bread and breadstuffs,
effective on the last day of April,
the government has created a grain
distributing corporation.
This concern is to keep at all
times 100,000 tons of cereals in
stock. Of this 40 per cent is to in
mills or warehouses, 30 per cent in
European ports and 30 per cent
afloat between the United States
and Europe. Any profits from these
operations go to the federal treas
ury and on the other hand deficits
are to be mot by the government.
The grain exchange reopened May 1.
"BHf" New Game at Spokane.
SPOKANE. Wash. Henjy Solo
mon, local billiard enthusiast, and
Dr. J. M. Johnston of this city are
responsible for a new sportsmen's
hybird which they have termed
"bilf." The game is played partly
over the golf Jinks and the rest of
the day over a billiard table. In the
first half of the contest Dr. Johns
ton had a lead of 29 points, but Sol
omon, more than evened tha score
when cues were substituted for golf
clubs, the final saora being 60 to 46.
Biihi batiiLQS oi flip iWdreft
ELEANOR is a tomboy and feels
that everyone finds fault wlt,h
her.
One day when she same home
from school her aunt teasingly
said,- "The superintendent tele
phoned and said he'd have to give
you a whipping if you didn't stop
fighting with the boys."
Eleanor was nearly in tears in a
minute. "Well," she said, "if was
only a little fight and he started
it." 43. L.
Davia brought home a discarded
bird cage that had been given him
and asked his mother if she would
buy him a song bird.
: "Why. son, a really fine song bird
would cost as much as $10, and we
could not afford it."
"Then wa might buy a song bird
that don't sins; so much," he said.
J. M. S.
. ..
Teacher was giving out the free
seeds from the congressman, and
Johnnie got a package of tomato
seeds. "Teacher, please, my ma has
plenty of tomatoes, kin I have some
orange seeds?" he said. G. B. M.
Ruth will be 4 years aid tomorrow
and she is going to have a party.
When asked. "How soon will you
be 4 years old?" she said: "Ju';t as
soon as the party starts tomor
row." A. L. L.
' ' '
My granddaughter is visiting me
at present. After playing with tb
other children for some time she
became hungry. At previous visits
she had been in the habit of going
to the pantry and helping herself
to cookies I kept there. I did not
happen to think she might be hun
gry, so did not tell her to get a
cookie to eat. Looking up at me
with an elfish grin she said, "Gran
ma, do you keep your cookies where
you did when I was here before?"
J. U. F.
.
With others of her family Naomi
went occasionally to a drug store to
have ice cream. Here there were
small tables and chairs for children,
also an electric fan.-
One day Naomi found her little
table had not been placed to -her lik
ing. It was too far from the fan.
So she said to the proprietor: "Mr.
Smiff, will ye p'ease move our little
table wight over here so we can
have more of this wevver?"
A. E. H.
Sibyl hates to sleep with her hair
up on curlers, but still she likes to
have curlB. The other night when
her mother was fixing her hair on
curlers she said, "I wish I had God
given curls like Mary Louise."
G. E. M.
My nephew Herbert loves to look
at the funny part of the paper and
pretend to read it.
Last Sunday he missed seeing it,
and when bedtime arrived he an
nounced briefly. "Mudder, I don't
want to go to bed! I hasn't read my
funny. paper yet."
His mother remonstrated with
him a few moments, and finally,
with lips trembling, he said, "Well,
I s'pose I'll have to go to bed wiv
out readin' it. but it will jus' spoil
my day!" E. C. B.
Upon consideration he came in
and asked the: following question:
"Are there anything in here what
costs for nothin'?" .
I smilingly replied that we were
short on that article just now, and
he said: "All right." and flew out
as quickly as he came in. W. B. S.
The Smiths next-door neighbors
have a poodle dog. Last year they
had it clipped for the summer. It
passed our house and my sister.
Lavern, came running into the
house shouting: "Sis, there goes a
dog that's been picked." A. L. L.
Mary Lou wouldn't make friends
with our family doctor.- She said:
"Oh, yes, I like him, but I like him
best when he is home." L. F.
Little son had been extremely
naughty and mother's correction
had been correspondingly severe.
When it was over he looked up with
a smile and said, sweetly: "Mamma,
I yove you dest the same."
Leona's cousin had come to visit
and was standing in the house with
his hat on.
Leona eyed him for some time and
then, unable to resist any longer.
she said, "If you was my brother,
my mamma would say, Toung man,
take off your hat in the house!'"
M. G. S.
Mother was ill and said to son.
"Please don't make so much noise,
it annoys me."
"Well, what did you buy a boy
for? You know that little boys like
to do such things," he replied.
W. B.
Brother had the habit of asking
for something to eat whenever he
happened to be at a neighbor's
house, so his mother told him he
must never do such a thing again.
The next time he returned from
a visit to the neighbor's she asked
him if he had begged for anything
to eat.
"No," he said. "I was just talk
ing to myself about how hungry
I was, and they heard me." ju. a.
Robert had always lived in a two
story house, and when he went to
visit his grandmother, who lived In
a small, cottage, he was surprTsed
to see the bedrooms downstairs.
When he came back home I heard
him telling a little boy about his
visit. He said. "And my grand
mother had her upstairs living rifc-ht
with her downstairs." B. R.
"I. was singing ono day the sonp
"I'm Going Home to Die No More''
and Clyde asked if "die no move"
was the town where I was going.
Another day I was making :xke
when he came in and asked what I
was making. I told him sponge
cake.-' lie said, "But. mother, why
did you sat tha sponge ?" C B.