THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, DECEMBER 28. 1919.
Steamers Taxed by People
Who Desire to Get Home.
Prospects for Trip Around World
(iron Dim. and Numerous Obsta
cles Confront Prospective Trav
eler Photographs Called For.
EVERY LITTLE STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING WITH BRIGGS
"that GotLfteST Ffec7oC
BY EDITH E. LANTOK.
WESTMORELAND, Nov. 2 9.
After all, I fear the world
will not be my picture book
this spring. The steamers seem to
be booked up with worthy people who
want to go home.
The authorities will not allow any
woman to land in Egypt just now, and
although I am willing to present six
of my photographs, as requested, to
China, Japan and the United States
of America, they seem strangely un
willing to welcome me to their shores
at present. 1 want to get home, too,
but people insist on pointing out that
my nearest way home to the Pacific
coast is via the Atlantic and across
the American continent, not via the
far east.
Apparently people are waiting in
queues to take trips around the world.
As the climate in the east is all
wrong from May to December it seems
as if our tour will start in Decem
ber, 1920, instead of in March.
Smile Passport, Perhaps.
I selected such meek nurse photo
graphs for the passport people that
I felt sure they would want me to
start their way at once. In those
pictures I look capable of brighten
ing and bettering any place! I showed
one once to a patient of mine (one
of the famous "Black Watch High
landers") and asked him if I really
looked as good as that.
"Well, yes, nurse (dubiously), you
do sometimes. Not when you smile,
though." Long pause for consider
ation, then, emphatically: "I like
you better when you're smiling,
nurse."
Perhaps China, Japan and the
TJ. S. A. might have liked me better
smiling, too, to say nothing of the
British authorities. I may have to
smile my way around the world yet.
What miles and miles of smiles it
will require
It seemed like a fairy tale, too good
to be true, when my friend invited
me to be her guest on such a jour
ney. Now I'm afraid I may die or
something before I can cash it in.
But, as I quite look forward to giving
my insignificant opinion of the far
east to Portland I will try to keep
healthy.
Perfect Lady Role Hard.
At present, as compared to the hard
ships of hospital life, I am wallow
ing in luxury; but many doctors con
sider hardships more healthy. Being
a perfect lady all the time gets a bit
on one's nerves. Sometimes I have
a mad desire to dab my knife in the
mustard just like we did at the muni
tion works just to see whether the
parlor maid would faint. She has al
ways lived in the very best of fam
ilies, so is very sensitive to shock
We never rejoiced in any mustard
spoons or salt spoons at Gretna. I
always promised to give the staff
canteen a set for a Christmas pres
ent, but before then the war stopped.
If she did faint I suppose it would
be up to me to revive her, so I might
as well refrain.
A funny thing happened to me at
a perfectly good tea party the other
day. A piece of well-iced chocolate
cake stuck to the roof of my mouth,
just as it was my turn to talky-talky
and I was struck dumb.
Diplomat Proves Helpful.
Everybody looked astonished as it
was the first time on record. A dip
lomat present filled in the horrid
pause by a helpful remark. When I
get a chance I shall tell him what
really happened to me and he will
roar.
He is usually equal to the occasion.
When in pre-war days he was sta
tioned in Berlin the Kaiser used to
lead him aside at state dinners and
say :
"Be sure you speak well of me to
the English."
He always replied:
"That, sir, is for the ambassador."
So we evidently keep ambassadors
to do our lying for us.
Mrs. Humphrey Ward's aunt lives
here. She is a wonderful old lady
of 86. Two or three years ago her
right arm and hand became helpless.
Nothing daunted, she immediately
learned to write with her left hand
and now manages all her own corre
spondence, unaided. Her father was
the famous Dr. Arnold, of Rugby.
Wilson Visits Recalled.
WoodroW Wilson was a frequent
visitor to these parts before he be
came president of the United States.
A faithful friend of his is an old
roadmender with one arm, who used
to have many a chat with him when
he was rambling about the country
roads.
The mean temperature here is 48
degrees Fahrenheit. The temperature )
is not as mean as the weather. The
annual rainfall averages 76 inches.
To me it seems to rain several inches
every day; but I must be mistaken
or the annual rainfall could never
be so small. So we will conclude that
the fine days happen when I am some
where else.
We do get glimpses of the sun be
tween showers, just enough to make
us long for more.
It is no climate for good clothes,
which is lucky, as I haven't any. One
might as well live in an aquarium.
Seven times as much rain falls here
as in London.
Crystal chains of raindrops con
stantly dangle on our windows
sashes. On the roads the colored
leaves crushed into the mud look like
dabs of paint on an artist's palatte
and the hills covered with patches
of red-brown bracken look as if they
had been left out in the rain and gone
rusty.
Snovf Don't l.iist Lont;.
The snow 1 wrote about last week
vanished like a flash. Before my
letter was mailed it had completely
disappeared.
The beds of the rivers here are very
different from those about Minehead.
The cold slate, green and blue color
effect of Westmoreland, is a great
contrast to the warm reefs of Devon
and Somerset. The deepest water Is so
clear and sparkling that the stones at
the bottom seem barely covered.
Now. in November, there is an all-
embracing chill in the air which
clutches your ankles and grips you
at the wrists. One's nose, at least, is
as red as the soil of Devon.
This town is intersected with queer
little alleys and cuts, no doubt the
original streets of olden times. One
of them boasts the name of "Rattle
Gate." The houses on these "street
lets" each has a mounting block of
elate, much worn by continual use in
the days of long ago when the wife
rode to market on horseback, mounted
on a pillion behind her husband.
Nowadays we do the six miles
journey to the railway station in a
huge yellow motor char-a-banc, which
skids alarmingly on slippery days,
and has earned itself the name of
"The Yellow Peril."
I have just had a letter of thanks
from my naval friend in Riga. The
thanks for the books and magazines
are really due to Portland. His flo
tilla had been doing a good deal of
bombarding, but when he wrote he
was safe at home in drydock he
Adds despairingly: "The state of the
ship almost breaks my heart; it is.
VtSiT AND 15 OKJPRPAfteO. fB
IT HAPP6N5
of course, impossible to keep it any
thing approaching clean with half
the hands on leave and dockyard
mateys running wild. making a
beastly mess and generally doing as
little work an possible." He also
says:
"Things look very bad for the anti-
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Y This 6Mv-EL.oPe Av Gaze uPom This , J MAOD-I SiE
S PERF6CT PEAR- I PECECK-LY HERE. A. MAM
1 I got- it foh ' DalTnG AcrSSX. Out in Minnesota
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ANXIOUS DAYS AT HAND FOR
GRASPING FOR THE LAST STRAW.
las m mm r " i
I jl
lisi Trie deST ReGUtATlSD PftwitieS
bolshevists again now. if only they
would make a combined effort some
thing might be done."
He did not tell me whether he was
going back to the Baltic or not.
I saw a funny story that Lady As
tor told at one of her election meet
ings, about a snub she got from an
American sailor. She was being ques
tioned about police arrests in th
streets and replied:
"Let me tell you something that
happened to me. I saw a young Amer
ican sailor looking at the outside of
the house of commons. I said to him
'Would you like to go in?" He replied
'You are the sort of woman my
mother told me to avoid. '
We shall probably know tonight
whether she was elected or not.
She r.,.S Entire Satisfaction.
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Mrs. Euphemia Johnson was attend
THE LINE AT THE TICKET WINDOW IS ALREADY
SEVERAL BLOCKS LONG.
VMEN YOU VUAKt OP OKie ANMFUL
vo-i MOHNiNff RCAHZ.ING TOO
of alcohol, iw Your Radiator
(AUTo)
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ed by a confidential colored friend of
her own sex when the railway com
pany called her in to effect a cash set
tlement for the death of her husband,
killed on his honeymoon. Mrs. John
son had clouded her features with a
heavy veil up to the time the corpo
ration attorney had mentioned the
SOME FOLKS, OPINES DARLING
-And You cam hardly Cat
Any Breakfast for vjorryimg
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amp Busted radiators
oh Mam
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sum, but when he produced the bills
she threw back her badge of mourn
ing and gazed eagerly on the bundle
that flashed green and yellow. In thick
streaks. The lawyer withdrew after
the signing of the release, and the two
were left alone.
"Euphemla." said the companion, "I
LOOKS AS THOUGH THE FAMILY "REUNION WOULD-;
HAVE TO BE POSTPONED-'
A.J D wh6h .Yocl J6 3S OUT AND
Try To vwoRK The AttLP dTARTeR
Tmb MoToR POElM'T. ByCGE-
'"Yen?- vajelcYoo
Just whi-sper im
HIS EAR THAT
JlM IS HERE WITH
That PACKA6EI
suppose you'll be gettin married
again, now that you're so rich?"
Euphemia paused with a thick
thumb half way to her mouth for
moisture and reflection. "Ef Ah do,"
she observed, before resuming the
counting of the roll, "It'll be soma
pusson workin' on -de same railroad."
i