I THE SUNDAY OKEGOXIAN, PORTLAND, AUGUST 3, 1919. 17 iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitHiiiiiiiiiiif liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit liiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiviiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiii iritiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif t iiiiiiiiiiiit iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiimitu r AS OTHERS HEAR YOU'.' REAL CROSSED-WIRE PHONE DRAMA , D7o uiscount on 1 All Cut Steel and Metal Buckles Cast of Characters Includes You, Central, the Supervisor and Exasperating Voices with Stage Set With Single Jazzy Receiver. r IF I DON'T GET IT I'LL TEAR BY JAMES J. MOfTAGUE. (Copyright. 1919, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.) YOU (at the telephone) Hello! Hello! Hello! . Central (after a considerable in terval) Number, please? Tou Main 594. Central (immediately) North 7848 Is busy. Tou I didn't want North 7848. I wanted Main 594. Central Excuse me. Tou (after 30 seconds of silence) Hello! Tou (after still more silence) Hello! Cantral I'm rinsing West 387 for you. You But I don't want West 387. Central--West 387 doesn't answer. You I tell you I don't want West 887: can't you hear? Central I'm trying to get your num ber for you, sir. You What number? Central- East 1193. You But, confound it I don't A -voice (interrupting) Hello, is that you, Mabel? You No, this is not Mabel. The voice Get off the line. Bill; you're butting in. You I'm not butting In; this is a busy wire. The voice Get off the wire, I tell you. Another voice Hello, this is Mabel, Toodles. First voice Just a moment. Angel Face; some mutt is trying to eaves drop. You Look at here, Toodles, I don't know who you are, but if you don't get off this wire I'll Toodles Oh, can the guff, Percival. and butt out of a private conversation. You (jiggling the hook) Hello Central I say. Central! A New Voice- yes, and I says to him I wouldn't stand for it, just him buying her ice cream an' all, when he should have known she was just trying to get him away from me, the cat. And he says to me that no fellah can go with only one girl all the time he says, an' that if I begins pestering him that way now what'll I do when we are married, and I got mad an Toodles Oh tell your troubles to the peace commission, sister, an' get off this wire. The New Voice Say Freshie, if you was to take my tip you'd get your voice manicured. It's rough on the edges. Central That line is out of ordef now. You- -What line is out of order? Toodles Hamburg-American line. Bill, on account of the war The New Voice That was good when the voodeveel actors had it. Freshie, but that was season before last. You (desperately) Central! Hello! Hello! Central Did you call sir? You Did I (calming yourself.) Will you please bive me my number? Central What number did you ask for? You Main 5 confound it, I've forgotten it now. (After a pause, in which you go into the next room, where the office boy has taken the telephone directory, look up the number and re turn to the phone) Main 694, and I really want it! Central That line has been discon tinued. You No, it hasn't been discontinued. I had the same number twice before this morning. Central I'll give you the supervisor. You I don't want the supervisor. The Supervisor What is the trouble? You I want a number that is in the book, and that I had three times this morning, and I can't get it. The Supervisor Wait a minute. The altogether different voice Sure, I got 16 cases of claret, three bottles of vermouth, a gallon of gin and Still another voice Naughty! Very naughty! The altogether different voice Get off this phone. The still another voice Gosh, you must be the stew. Say, invite me up, won't you? You Hello, supervisor. Central I can't get the supervisor now. You (in a fury) But you did get her, and I was talking to her. Central There must be some mis take. Do you still want West 5505? You I never wanted West 5505, I want (you look it up again) Main 594. Central We don't have that informa tion. You What information? Central You asked what time it was, didn't you? You I did not. I asked for Main 594 and if I don't get it I'll tear the Central I shall be obliged to report you if you use profane language over the telephone, sir. Central What number did you ask for? You Well, give me my number, then. You Oh, never mind, I'll walk its only five miles from here. A voice Oh Toodles you're too per fectly sweet for words. (You slam up the telephone and depart). ' OIL BORES WLi PROGRESS STANDARD WELL NEAR MO . CLIPS DOWX 300 FEET. AYashington Prospectors Busy Willi Exploration Work Investors Take Flier in Acreage Deals. ABERDEEN. Wash., Aug 2. (Spe cial.) Standard Oil well No 1, near Moclips, was down 300 feet Friday noi'ninsr. Satisfactory progress is being made. Superintendent Palmer said. Drilling was started July 12 and in -0 days a 300-foot depth has been reached despite the fact that the rig was idle part of the time. The oil well Jseing drilled in Clallam county by the Forks Oil company was down 460 feet, according to a report brought here recently by men who had been at the well. Only one crew is being worked at the Forks well, which makes progress slow. A drilling crew of the Swastika Oil company left this morning for Jeffer son county where they will resume boring in the old Jefferson well hole, now down 100S feet. Only one crew will be used at first but this will be in creased to three shifts later. All the necessary machinery for resumption of drilling in the Jefferson hole is on the ground. A drilling rig for the Wyomont oil company is due to reach Montesano Monday for boring for oil two miles cast of that city. The Wyomont com pany has three wells in Kentucky. Actual drilling: ty this company prob ably will pet under way next month. Harry W. Andrews and A. J. Scallon, who have organized the Grays Harbor Development company, expect to drill 10 miles north of Hoquiam early in September. They have signed a con tract with a well drilling company of California on a guarantee that a depth of 2500 feet will be reached. Several hundred thousand dollars already has been invested in Grays Harbor by outside capitalists. The big gest investment came this week when Joshua Green and Thomas T. Atwell of Seattle put $100,000 in Moclips. Sunset and Copalis Beach properties. J. T. Royston, manager of the Palace hotel Portland, increased his hold ings here to 1200 acres this week. Obituary. EUGENE. Or., Aug. 1. (Special.) Mrs. J. H. Shortridge, a. pioneer of 1S52. died at the home of her daugh ter. Mrs. J. W. Harris, at 1149 Ferry street Thursday night at the age of 84 years. Mrs- Shortridse is survived by a son, F. B. Shortridge of Cottage Grove, and three caugnters. Mrs. J. W. Harris of Eugene. Mrs. J. J. Weeden of Coalings, Cal.. and Mrs. Olive Lacey of Portland, besides a sister, Mrs. Rebecca Rogers of Salem. a Funeral services for Isaac A. Jacobs, killed in an automobile accident near Oreenacres Thursday, were held Mon day morning at 10:30 from the family residence, 1219 West Ninth avenue, Spo kane, Wash. Rabbis Wise and Abra hamson of Portland officiated at the ceremony. The active pallbearers for the funeral were Sol Meyers, Sydney Shulein, M. M. Cohen, David Ackerman. Max Ackerman and Rube Porteguese. Following were the honorary pallbear ers: Harry Rosenhaupt. iam Edelstein. am Haugert. Harry Holland, Adolph Galland and Sam Hanauer. Mr. Jacobs is survived by his widow. Mrs. Louise Jacobs, and four children; his mother. Mrs. Mary Jacobs, Portland; three sis ters and one brother in Fort Worth, Texas. . LEWISTON. Idaho, Aug. 2. (Spe cial.) John Ferguson, the young son of Mr. and Mrs. E. Ferguson of Lewis ton Orchards, died last night after an extended illness resulting from swell ing of glands. The lad was about 12 years of ase and came to Lewiston Or chards with his parents from Grand Ronde, Or., about two years ago. The parents, two sisters and a brother sur vive. The funeral was held today. SOUTH BEND. Wash., Aug. 2. (Spe cial.) After a two days' illness of diphtheria, Frances, 14-year-old daugh ter of Mr. and Mrs. Verrfe Wilson, died Wednesday. LEGION MEN TO RUN STORE Aberdeen Local Starts Fund for Co operative Business. ABERDEEN. Wash., Aug. 2. (Spe cial.) Loyal legion men of Aberdeen have started a movement to establish a general store at which men of the order and others who desire to do so may trade at a discount, it is claimed, from prices now paid for goods of nearly 11 kinds. The movement was started by local No. 4 of the Anderson-Middleton plant, where $800 was subscribed in a few minutes this morning. PIOXEER HARDWARE MAX DIES. jl . " Vf-'-- ; i - - i , si M', p i j : Jp i f j " L. W. Parker. LeRoy Webster Parker, well known pioneer of McMinnville and Portland, died at the age of 76 at his home here July 11. He was buried in the family plot at Lone Fir cemetery, the Rev. Mr. Bowersox, an old-time friend, of ficiating at the funeral services. Mr. Parker was born in Green wich. N. Y.. June 21, 1843. He came to the Pacific coast 35 years ago. engaging in the hardware business at McMinnville. A few years later he came to Portland and continued in the same busi ness until ill health forced him to retire a few years ago. Mr. Parker was a charter member of Camp 12S, Woodmen of the World, at McMinnville, where he retained his membership till his death. He is survived by two sons, Howard J. of San Francisco and Roy F. of this city. The trend of shoe prices is con sistently upward a fact which' should be an incentive to lay in a supply of Baker footwear at these appealing low prices. The sale prices at Baker's insure generous savings on every pair .you buy. In fact, there is no time like the present for buy ing Baker shoes. C1206 This dainty pump is made of fine brown kid, with light turn sole and high covered French heel. Regular Price, $10 1925 These hot days you will appreciate this pump. Made of white canvas with turn sole and covered French heel. Regular Price, $5.00 A 1013 Stylish and graceful is this pump in soft patent leather. It has a light turn sole and covered French heel. Regular Price, $6 JO 187 Beautiful white kid lace boot in two distinct patterns, each model similar to above illustra tion. Regular Price, $15. A1223 This comfortable, grace ful oxford is made of black kid, with light turn sole and covered French heel. Regular Price, $710 Generous Price Reductions Are in Force on Many Attractive Lines of Men's Shoes and Oxfords. If You Are Thrifty You WHl Take Advantage of These Values! 1006 A stylish slender oxford of fine black patent leather. Made with light turn sole and covered French heel. Regular Price, $8 JO Sole Agent for Dr. A. Reed Cushion Shoe for Men Los Angeles Agents for the Nettleton Shoe the Best for Men San Francisco Portland Largest Retailer of Shoes West of Chicago 380 Washington Street 308 Washington Street 270 Washington Street 270 Morrison Street HMtiiiiiiMiimiiiinuiiMiiiiMimiinmiiiMiiiiuiMiiiiuiiiiiimiMiiiimM iniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiininiiiiinniniinniiiiiniimiiiiiiim?i LEGION UMTS ROOSEVELT STATE COXTEXTIOX TO BE HELD SEPTEMBER 17-t8. Requested ' Chang in Itinerary of Visitor Found Impracticable. Post to Name Delegates. th L all th ha an at hi ,tao That The'odore Roosevelt may open e state convention of tne American gion. to which ex-service men irom e dates of the cessions in Portland ve been advanced to eptemoer 11 ate treasurer, yesterday, following a eetmg Ol lae Biaie ctctuuio tuujiiiir e. r- .n.alxlnv .!..- ill Vl m to Portland on September 17. and uga numerous icietma ue Been sent to his headquarters in New Tork City seeking to have him postpone his coming to the following week, when the etate convention originally was scheduled, he replied that it was im possible to make the desired change in his itinerary. At a meeting of Portland post of the Legion on Monday night the nomina tion of delegates to the. convention is to take place. All members have been requested to bring their discharge cer tificates to the meeting to verify the records of the membership committee. At the previous meeting there was some confusion over an ambitious member of the gathering who sought an offica in the post though he had never been in federal service. On August 15 the convention commit tee, with members from all over the state, will be naia'A by the executive committee. m S. & M. green stamps for cash. HoLman Fuel Co.. Main S53. A S353. Blockwood, short slabwood. Rock Springs and Utah coal; sawdust. Adv. Read The Oregonian classified ads. CAMOUFLAGE IS A WAR WORD that fits splendidly into a description of PURLETTS, the popular candy lax ative. The natural and rather unpleas ant tastes of the ingredients are com pletely camouflaged by a candy-like flavor. The pleasing deception does not interfere with the action of the tablets they are completely efficient as a laxative. PURLETTS contain no drastic purga tives and therefore restore the normal tone of the bowels and help to re-establish the normal functions. There are 38 of these candy-like tablets in the 25c boxes. PURLETTS are featured In all stores of The Owl Drug Company. Adv. Read The Oregonian classified ads. Immediate Relief From Torture of PILES To permit yourwlf to uffer the excruciating pa. in of Piles In this hot weather Im self-inflicted torture. Relief immediate relief is se cured from the Use of ORECO, the wonderful remedy for Pi lea. Mrs. Everaton of Chicaro writes: "The first application rave such relief that I had the first ntsrat's food sleep in a week." ORECO has made some wonderful cures; most stubborn cases have been cured in 10 days. Tour drurfflst has ORECO. or -ran iret it for you. If you are not satis fied after five days trial, your money v.ui be refunded. Oregon Remedy Co. BOX SZ, PORTLAND. OREGON. Read The Oregonian classified ads. Is It Your Nerves? How often you hear the remark, "It's my nerves!" Many strong, appearing men and women fret because they do not feel as well as formerly, yet their ' physicians tell them they have no or ganic disease. They are weak, listless, sleepless, neuralgic, and have a varia ble appetite, are excessively irritable and sometimes hysterical. As soon as any of these Bymptoms appear. War ner's Safe Nervine ehould be taken ac cording to directions. It has a direct action on the nerves and is a medicine of proven merit. It allays irritability from nervous exhaustion, produce healthful and refreshing sleep and leaves no unpleasant symptoms. It con tains no narcotics and may be taken with no fear of ill effects. To any who suffer from loss of sleep, neuralgia, nervous headache and nervous pros tration. Warner's Safe Nervine brings prompt relief. Sold by leading drug gists everywhere. Sample sent on re ceipt of ten cents. Warner's Safe Rem edies Co., Dept. 266, Rochester, N. X. Adv. l: 108.0