I
THE SUNDAY OKEGOXIAN, PORTLAND, AUGUST 3, 1919.
17
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitHiiiiiiiiiiif liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit liiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiviiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiii iritiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif t iiiiiiiiiiiit iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiimitu r
AS OTHERS HEAR YOU'.' REAL
CROSSED-WIRE PHONE DRAMA
, D7o uiscount on
1 All Cut Steel and
Metal Buckles
Cast of Characters Includes You, Central, the Supervisor and Exasperating
Voices with Stage Set With Single Jazzy Receiver.
r
IF I DON'T GET IT I'LL TEAR
BY JAMES J. MOfTAGUE.
(Copyright. 1919, by the Bell Syndicate,
Inc.)
YOU (at the telephone) Hello!
Hello! Hello! .
Central (after a considerable in
terval) Number, please?
Tou Main 594.
Central (immediately) North 7848 Is
busy.
Tou I didn't want North 7848. I
wanted Main 594.
Central Excuse me.
Tou (after 30 seconds of silence)
Hello!
Tou (after still more silence) Hello!
Cantral I'm rinsing West 387 for
you.
You But I don't want West 387.
Central--West 387 doesn't answer.
You I tell you I don't want West
887: can't you hear?
Central I'm trying to get your num
ber for you, sir.
You What number?
Central- East 1193.
You But, confound it I don't
A -voice (interrupting) Hello, is that
you, Mabel?
You No, this is not Mabel.
The voice Get off the line. Bill;
you're butting in.
You I'm not butting In; this is a
busy wire.
The voice Get off the wire, I tell
you.
Another voice Hello, this is Mabel,
Toodles.
First voice Just a moment. Angel
Face; some mutt is trying to eaves
drop. You Look at here, Toodles, I don't
know who you are, but if you don't
get off this wire I'll
Toodles Oh, can the guff, Percival.
and butt out of a private conversation.
You (jiggling the hook) Hello
Central I say. Central!
A New Voice- yes, and I says to him
I wouldn't stand for it, just him buying
her ice cream an' all, when he should
have known she was just trying to get
him away from me, the cat. And he
says to me that no fellah can go with
only one girl all the time he says, an'
that if I begins pestering him that way
now what'll I do when we are married,
and I got mad an
Toodles Oh tell your troubles to the
peace commission, sister, an' get off
this wire.
The New Voice Say Freshie, if you
was to take my tip you'd get your
voice manicured. It's rough on the
edges.
Central That line is out of ordef
now.
You-
-What line is out of order?
Toodles Hamburg-American line.
Bill, on account of the war
The New Voice That was good when
the voodeveel actors had it. Freshie,
but that was season before last.
You (desperately) Central! Hello!
Hello!
Central Did you call sir?
You Did I (calming yourself.)
Will you please bive me my number?
Central What number did you ask
for?
You Main 5 confound it, I've
forgotten it now. (After a pause, in
which you go into the next room, where
the office boy has taken the telephone
directory, look up the number and re
turn to the phone) Main 694, and I
really want it!
Central That line has been discon
tinued. You No, it hasn't been discontinued.
I had the same number twice before
this morning.
Central I'll give you the supervisor.
You I don't want the supervisor.
The Supervisor What is the trouble?
You I want a number that is in the
book, and that I had three times this
morning, and I can't get it.
The Supervisor Wait a minute.
The altogether different voice Sure,
I got 16 cases of claret, three bottles
of vermouth, a gallon of gin and
Still another voice Naughty! Very
naughty!
The altogether different voice Get
off this phone.
The still another voice Gosh, you
must be the stew. Say, invite me up,
won't you?
You Hello, supervisor.
Central I can't get the supervisor
now.
You (in a fury) But you did get
her, and I was talking to her.
Central There must be some mis
take. Do you still want West 5505?
You I never wanted West 5505, I
want (you look it up again) Main 594.
Central We don't have that informa
tion. You What information?
Central You asked what time it was,
didn't you?
You I did not. I asked for Main
594 and if I don't get it I'll tear the
Central I shall be obliged to report
you if you use profane language over
the telephone, sir.
Central What number did you ask
for?
You Well, give me my number, then.
You Oh, never mind, I'll walk its
only five miles from here.
A voice Oh Toodles you're too per
fectly sweet for words.
(You slam up the telephone and depart).
' OIL BORES WLi PROGRESS
STANDARD WELL NEAR MO
. CLIPS DOWX 300 FEET.
AYashington Prospectors Busy Willi
Exploration Work Investors
Take Flier in Acreage Deals.
ABERDEEN. Wash., Aug 2. (Spe
cial.) Standard Oil well No 1, near
Moclips, was down 300 feet Friday
noi'ninsr. Satisfactory progress is being
made. Superintendent Palmer said.
Drilling was started July 12 and in
-0 days a 300-foot depth has been
reached despite the fact that the rig
was idle part of the time.
The oil well Jseing drilled in Clallam
county by the Forks Oil company was
down 460 feet, according to a report
brought here recently by men who had
been at the well. Only one crew is being
worked at the Forks well, which makes
progress slow.
A drilling crew of the Swastika Oil
company left this morning for Jeffer
son county where they will resume
boring in the old Jefferson well hole,
now down 100S feet. Only one crew
will be used at first but this will be in
creased to three shifts later. All the
necessary machinery for resumption of
drilling in the Jefferson hole is on the
ground.
A drilling rig for the Wyomont oil
company is due to reach Montesano
Monday for boring for oil two miles
cast of that city. The Wyomont com
pany has three wells in Kentucky.
Actual drilling: ty this company prob
ably will pet under way next month.
Harry W. Andrews and A. J. Scallon,
who have organized the Grays Harbor
Development company, expect to drill
10 miles north of Hoquiam early in
September. They have signed a con
tract with a well drilling company of
California on a guarantee that a depth
of 2500 feet will be reached.
Several hundred thousand dollars
already has been invested in Grays
Harbor by outside capitalists. The big
gest investment came this week when
Joshua Green and Thomas T. Atwell of
Seattle put $100,000 in Moclips. Sunset
and Copalis Beach properties.
J. T. Royston, manager of the Palace
hotel Portland, increased his hold
ings here to 1200 acres this week.
Obituary.
EUGENE. Or., Aug. 1. (Special.)
Mrs. J. H. Shortridge, a. pioneer of
1S52. died at the home of her daugh
ter. Mrs. J. W. Harris, at 1149 Ferry
street Thursday night at the age of 84
years.
Mrs- Shortridse is survived by a son,
F. B. Shortridge of Cottage Grove, and
three caugnters. Mrs. J. W. Harris of
Eugene. Mrs. J. J. Weeden of Coalings,
Cal.. and Mrs. Olive Lacey of Portland,
besides a sister, Mrs. Rebecca Rogers
of Salem.
a
Funeral services for Isaac A. Jacobs,
killed in an automobile accident near
Oreenacres Thursday, were held Mon
day morning at 10:30 from the family
residence, 1219 West Ninth avenue, Spo
kane, Wash. Rabbis Wise and Abra
hamson of Portland officiated at the
ceremony. The active pallbearers for
the funeral were Sol Meyers, Sydney
Shulein, M. M. Cohen, David Ackerman.
Max Ackerman and Rube Porteguese.
Following were the honorary pallbear
ers: Harry Rosenhaupt. iam Edelstein.
am Haugert. Harry Holland, Adolph
Galland and Sam Hanauer. Mr. Jacobs
is survived by his widow. Mrs. Louise
Jacobs, and four children; his mother.
Mrs. Mary Jacobs, Portland; three sis
ters and one brother in Fort Worth,
Texas. .
LEWISTON. Idaho, Aug. 2. (Spe
cial.) John Ferguson, the young son
of Mr. and Mrs. E. Ferguson of Lewis
ton Orchards, died last night after an
extended illness resulting from swell
ing of glands. The lad was about 12
years of ase and came to Lewiston Or
chards with his parents from Grand
Ronde, Or., about two years ago. The
parents, two sisters and a brother sur
vive. The funeral was held today.
SOUTH BEND. Wash., Aug. 2. (Spe
cial.) After a two days' illness of
diphtheria, Frances, 14-year-old daugh
ter of Mr. and Mrs. Verrfe Wilson, died
Wednesday.
LEGION MEN TO RUN STORE
Aberdeen Local Starts Fund for Co
operative Business.
ABERDEEN. Wash., Aug. 2. (Spe
cial.) Loyal legion men of Aberdeen
have started a movement to establish
a general store at which men of the
order and others who desire to do so
may trade at a discount, it is claimed,
from prices now paid for goods of
nearly 11 kinds.
The movement was started by local
No. 4 of the Anderson-Middleton plant,
where $800 was subscribed in a few
minutes this morning.
PIOXEER HARDWARE MAX
DIES.
jl . " Vf-'--
; i - - i ,
si M', p i j
: Jp i
f j "
L. W. Parker.
LeRoy Webster Parker, well
known pioneer of McMinnville
and Portland, died at the age of
76 at his home here July 11. He
was buried in the family plot at
Lone Fir cemetery, the Rev. Mr.
Bowersox, an old-time friend, of
ficiating at the funeral services.
Mr. Parker was born in Green
wich. N. Y.. June 21, 1843. He
came to the Pacific coast 35 years
ago. engaging in the hardware
business at McMinnville. A few
years later he came to Portland
and continued in the same busi
ness until ill health forced him
to retire a few years ago. Mr.
Parker was a charter member of
Camp 12S, Woodmen of the
World, at McMinnville, where he
retained his membership till his
death.
He is survived by two sons,
Howard J. of San Francisco and
Roy F. of this city.
The trend of shoe prices is con
sistently upward a fact which'
should be an incentive to lay in
a supply of Baker footwear at
these appealing low prices. The
sale prices at Baker's insure
generous savings on every pair
.you buy. In fact, there is no
time like the present for buy
ing Baker shoes.
C1206 This dainty pump is
made of fine brown kid, with
light turn sole and high covered
French heel.
Regular Price, $10
1925 These hot days you will
appreciate this pump. Made of
white canvas with turn sole and
covered French heel.
Regular Price, $5.00
A
1013 Stylish and graceful is this
pump in soft patent leather. It
has a light turn sole and covered
French heel.
Regular Price, $6 JO
187 Beautiful white kid lace
boot in two distinct patterns, each
model similar to above illustra
tion. Regular Price, $15.
A1223 This comfortable, grace
ful oxford is made of black kid,
with light turn sole and covered
French heel.
Regular Price, $710
Generous Price Reductions Are in Force
on Many Attractive Lines of Men's Shoes
and Oxfords. If You Are Thrifty You
WHl Take Advantage of These Values!
1006 A stylish slender oxford
of fine black patent leather.
Made with light turn sole and
covered French heel.
Regular Price, $8 JO
Sole Agent for Dr. A.
Reed Cushion Shoe for Men
Los Angeles
Agents for the Nettleton
Shoe the Best for Men
San Francisco
Portland
Largest Retailer of Shoes West of Chicago
380 Washington Street
308 Washington Street
270 Washington Street
270 Morrison Street
HMtiiiiiiMiimiiiinuiiMiiiiMimiinmiiiMiiiiuiMiiiiuiiiiiimiMiiiimM iniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiininiiiiinniniinniiiiiniimiiiiiiim?i
LEGION UMTS ROOSEVELT
STATE COXTEXTIOX TO BE HELD
SEPTEMBER 17-t8.
Requested ' Chang in Itinerary of
Visitor Found Impracticable.
Post to Name Delegates.
th
L
all
th
ha
an
at
hi
,tao
That The'odore Roosevelt may open
e state convention of tne American
gion. to which ex-service men irom
e dates of the cessions in Portland
ve been advanced to eptemoer 11
ate treasurer, yesterday, following a
eetmg Ol lae Biaie ctctuuio tuujiiiir
e.
r- .n.alxlnv .!..- ill Vl
m to Portland on September 17. and
uga numerous icietma ue Been
sent to his headquarters in New Tork
City seeking to have him postpone his
coming to the following week, when
the etate convention originally was
scheduled, he replied that it was im
possible to make the desired change in
his itinerary.
At a meeting of Portland post of the
Legion on Monday night the nomina
tion of delegates to the. convention is
to take place. All members have been
requested to bring their discharge cer
tificates to the meeting to verify the
records of the membership committee.
At the previous meeting there was some
confusion over an ambitious member of
the gathering who sought an offica in
the post though he had never been in
federal service.
On August 15 the convention commit
tee, with members from all over the
state, will be naia'A by the executive
committee. m
S. & M. green stamps for cash.
HoLman Fuel Co.. Main S53. A S353.
Blockwood, short slabwood. Rock
Springs and Utah coal; sawdust. Adv.
Read The Oregonian classified ads.
CAMOUFLAGE IS
A WAR WORD
that fits splendidly into a description
of PURLETTS, the popular candy lax
ative. The natural and rather unpleas
ant tastes of the ingredients are com
pletely camouflaged by a candy-like
flavor. The pleasing deception does not
interfere with the action of the tablets
they are completely efficient as a
laxative.
PURLETTS contain no drastic purga
tives and therefore restore the normal
tone of the bowels and help to re-establish
the normal functions. There are
38 of these candy-like tablets in the
25c boxes.
PURLETTS are featured In all stores
of The Owl Drug Company. Adv.
Read The Oregonian classified ads.
Immediate Relief From
Torture of PILES
To permit yourwlf to uffer the
excruciating pa. in of Piles In this
hot weather Im self-inflicted torture.
Relief immediate relief is se
cured from the Use of ORECO, the
wonderful remedy for Pi lea. Mrs.
Everaton of Chicaro writes:
"The first application rave such
relief that I had the first ntsrat's
food sleep in a week."
ORECO has made some wonderful
cures; most stubborn cases have been
cured in 10 days.
Tour drurfflst has ORECO. or -ran
iret it for you. If you are not satis
fied after five days trial, your money
v.ui be refunded.
Oregon Remedy Co.
BOX SZ, PORTLAND. OREGON.
Read The Oregonian classified ads.
Is It Your Nerves?
How often you hear the remark, "It's
my nerves!" Many strong, appearing
men and women fret because they do
not feel as well as formerly, yet their '
physicians tell them they have no or
ganic disease. They are weak, listless,
sleepless, neuralgic, and have a varia
ble appetite, are excessively irritable
and sometimes hysterical. As soon as
any of these Bymptoms appear. War
ner's Safe Nervine ehould be taken ac
cording to directions. It has a direct
action on the nerves and is a medicine
of proven merit. It allays irritability
from nervous exhaustion, produce
healthful and refreshing sleep and
leaves no unpleasant symptoms. It con
tains no narcotics and may be taken
with no fear of ill effects. To any who
suffer from loss of sleep, neuralgia,
nervous headache and nervous pros
tration. Warner's Safe Nervine brings
prompt relief. Sold by leading drug
gists everywhere. Sample sent on re
ceipt of ten cents. Warner's Safe Rem
edies Co., Dept. 266, Rochester, N. X.
Adv.
l: 108.0