e
THE SUNT) AT OREGOXTAN, PORTLAND, OCTOBER 24. 1915.
POBTLAXD, OREGON.
Entered at Portland. Oregon, Postofflce, as
second-class matter.
Subscription Rates Invariably In advance.
(By MaiL)
Eaily. Sunday Included, one year 5"SS
aily. Sunday included, six months ..... -o
Xally. Sunday Included, three months ...
Daily. Sunday Included, one month. ..... -o
Emily, without Sunday, one year
Dally, without Sunday, six months ...... o-o
Dally, without Sunday, three months .... Li5
Dally, without sunauy, one mourn .
Weekly, one year
Sunday, one year ..................
Sunday and Weekly, one year
tBy Carrier.)
Dally, Sunday Included, one year...
Dally. Sunday lncluaed, one month.
.ou
S.00
.19
How to Remit Send postofflce money or
der, express order or personal check on your
local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at
sender's risk, dive postofflce address la iui.
Including county and state.
Portage Kates li to IB pages, 1 cent; IS
to 32 pages. 2 cents; 34 to 4 pages, a cents;
CO to ttu pages, 4 cents; 11 to iS pages, o
cents, 78 to 92 pages, 8 cents. foreign
postage, double rates.
KaiXern Businrea Offices Verree- i- Conk
lln. ljrunswlck building. New York; Verree
at Conklln, Steuer building. Chicago; San
Krancisco representative. K. J. lildwell. -Market
street.
PORTLAND. BO'DAI, OCTOBER t. 1B15-
fOCAHOMAS' LINEAL DESCENDANT.
If; as the busy prophets of all such
events are w'ont to tell us, two daugh
ters are predestined to gladden the
White House in due time, these for
tunate arrivals will be able to present
the singular claim of direct lineal de
scent from two American rulers. Their
distinguished sire will of necessity
share honors on the family tree with
their grandfather of many generations
gone by, who was none other than the
powerful ruler of American subjects,
Powhatan. Two more widely different
types would be difficult to imagine,
and that only 300 years separates their
respective administrations is difficult
to comprehend. The fact calls atten
tion to the rapid strides in American
growth and civilization in the most
forcible way.
Powhatan and Mrs. Edith Gait,
President Wilson's bride-to-be, are
separated by some ten generations, ac
cording to the Gait genealogical rec
ord. She is a direct descendant from
that liery redskin's gentle daughter.
Matoaca. or Pocahontas, as she is
known In history and legend, though
Pocahontas is a nickname. . The de
scendants, it is pleasing to relate, have
all taken on the gentle attributes of
Pocahontas, so far as history records
this matter, rather than the sterner
ones of her father, and the list is
found to include rather a distinguished
array of minor officials and men of
small affairs.
Very little in common, of course,
may be observed between Mrs. Gait's
remote grand-sire and her prospective
husband. Old Powhatan, Powhatan
Werowar.ce of Attanoughkoniouck, to
quote the full name, had few notions
of gentleness and democracy. The
Americans over whom he exercised
executive authority and power -.;re
very different in their habits oi
thought and rules of conduct from the
subjects of today. While the Mexican
situation had not yet become acute
and there was no derided friction
with European powers, Powhatan nevr
ertheless had his perplexities and his
methods of meeting them were seldom
the ways of diplomacy.
In fact, it -was at the Powhatan court
of justice that wo catch our first
glimpse of Pocahontas. Captain John
Smith, so the story goes, had aroused
the displeasure of his royal highness,
and the full majesty of Powhatan's law
was about to fall on Captain John's
head in the form of a club, when the
tender-hearted princess interposed her
lovely form and pleaded for mercy.
In common with all tyrants who are
endowed with daughters, this was
Powhatan's weak point, and he relent
ed. Whether this pretty tale is literally
true or not remains a matter of dis
pute, but the fact of Pocahontas' ten
der nature is established beyond the
slightest doubt.
Kedskin suitors of her own tribe
appear to have had no charms for
this Indian maiden. There are tales
that the dashing Captain John made
a powerful impression upon her young
affections, but nothing came of this,
and in the Spring of 1614 we find her
going to the altar with John Rolfe, a
young Englishman, who was secretary
and recorder-general of the common
wealth of Virginia. Surely the im
pending wedding In the modest Gait
home in Washington D. C. can pro
vide no more romantic setting than
the little Episcopal Church at James
town, where young Rolfe and his
dusky princess plighted their troth.
Kolfe, a childless widower, was
some ten years older than Pocahontas,
and it will be noted that her distant
granddaughter shares this wisdom in
selecting a husband who has reached
full maturity, the disparity of years
totaling twenty-one in this later-day
romance. There was but one child, a
son, from the union, and he wedded
Jane Poythress. They had but one
child, a daughter, who wedded Cap
tain Robert Boiling, of London.
Once more the descent survived by
a single thread, a son, who as a young
man set out to find his fortune in the
land of his great-grandmother's peo
ple. He became a Colonel of Virginia
militia, and was selected to the House
of Burgesses. Thereafter the descent
continued on down to the present gen
eration of Boilings. Before her rirst
affair of the heart it will be recalled
that Mrs. Gait bore the ancient family
name of Boiling.
Oddly enough, after the first three
generations of Pocahontas" descend
ants, the line continued with marked
fecundity. Colonel and Mrs. Boiling
, of the fourth generation had one son
and five daughters. The son, John
Boiling, Jr., wedded Mary Blair, niece
of the Dr. Blair who established Will
lam and Mary College. There were
several children by this union. One
daughter married Richard Bland, Jr.,
member of the Continental Congress.
A son, John Boiling, the third, woaed
and won a sister of Thomas Jefforson.
Among the collateral descendants
of Pocahontas are found many men
who were well-known figures locally
In the history of their time. Army
officers, lawyers. Jurists, preachers ard
even Governors of territories are in
cluded in the branches of the family
tree. But not one who will hold a
greater prestige than the modern di
rect lineal descendant of old Powha
tan's daughter, Pocahontas, once the
wedding bells have completed the
transition from Miss Boiling to Mrs.
Gait and from Mrs. Gait to Mrs.
Woodrow "Wilson.
While the waif adopted by New
Tork millionaires will inherit a for
tune, it is a trifle early to refer to him
as fortunate. That designation might
be deferred until it is seen what he
has inherited from his natural parents,
whose identity is unknown. If he in
herited a happy disposition and the
propensities of a normal healthy child.
then he is fortunate In a double her
itage. If not, then mere gold will
prove a mockery.
DOOM OF THE SALOON,
An organization calling itself the
Ohio Temperance Union and announc
ing itself frankly as against prohibi
tion, wrote a letter to Lyman Abbott,
editor of The Outlook, asking for a
statement of his views on proposed
liquor legislation, to be used in the
Ohio campaign. It was known that
Dr. Abbott was not a prohibitionist
it may be remembered that Colonel
Roosevelt once proudly compared his
own abstemious habits to Dr. Abbott's,
though admitting he was not a total
abstainer and it was assumed that
he would not aid the prohibitionists.
Dr. Abbott took the unexpected
course of replying through The Out
look. "I am not in favor," he said,
"of state-wide prohibition, except
where a public sentiment for prohibi
tion already exists." It must be ad
mitted that the good doctor's defini
tion of his attitude is a trifle delphic,
for his pronouncement is tantamount
to a saying that he is for a prohibition
that will prohibit, and for none other.
But Editor Abbott leaves no doubt
as to where he stands toward the
saloon. "In common with most Amer
icans." he says, "I believed in the
regulation, not the prohibition, of the
liquor traffic. But the action of the
liquor dealers has made regulation
impossible." Then follows a severe
arraignment of saloonmen as break
ers of the law, or as partners and asso
ciates of the law-breaking classes.
"If," he says, "we cannot reform the
saloons, we shall abolish them. If we
can find no other way to abolish them,
we shall abolish the distillery, the
brewery, the winery and the importa
tion of liquor from abroad."
Dr. Abbott has correctly sensed the
feeling and purpose of the American
people. The saloon as an institution
is doomed. The states which have
adopted prohibition will never again
have the saloon as it has existed; and
states which have suffered it to live
will sooner or later put it out of busi
ness, and try something else.
UNITED EFFORT NEEDED.
During the period in which the
Puget Sound has made its increase
over Portland in ocearn-borne com
merce, the City of Portland has been
on an exact parity in railroad rates
with every port of the Northern dis
trict. The Port of Portland has not
been deficient in docks, railroad ter
minals or transcontinental railways.
It has not been handicapped by higher
pilotage or other charges. It is nearer
to the sea than either Tacoma or
Seattle. The navigation hazards of
the river are fewer than thosa c.f
Puget Sound; and the one physical
impediment to Portland's growth as a
port the Columbia River bar was
overcome two years ago.
Let these facts sink in. As to any
single physical feature or railroad rate
consideration or navigation particular
no Puget Sound port now has an
advantage over the Port of Port
land. In some particulars the Port
of Portland has an advantage over
any Puget Sound port. What must
be done then to get the business to
which Portland facilities and natural
advantages entitle the port?
A capable and efficient bureau of
the Chamber of Commerce has made
a scientific and practical study of the
situation and is working on a remedy.
To make that remedy effective there
is required united effort along fixed
lines united support by all citizens
and interests. Is the committee get
ting it?
EQUAL SUFFRAGE! DEFEAT.
The staggering defeat of equal suf
frage for women in New Jersey was
not expected by the women, nor by
the Nation. It is not easy to account
for it, except on the basis of the obvious
facts, which are that there were not
votes enough. It is not sufficient to
say that New Jersey is a benighted
state, or that the bosses did it, or the
saloons. The opposition seems to have
come from all classes. New Jersey is
in sad need of education.
It might have been assumed, that
the somewhat belated declaration of
Woodrow Wilson for suffrage would
have been of incalculable advantage in
his own state. Secretary Garrison,
too, advanced to the firing line under
the banner of the women, and Private
Secretary Tumulty. Mrs. Feickert,
the suffrage leader, said that the
President brought the cause thousands
of votes. It would be interesting to
know where he brought them from,
for the showing made by the suffra
gists on their own account was very
meager. Somehow we are inclined to
question the potency of the President's
support.
Massachusetts and New York are
to vote on the suffrage question on
November 2. The cause in those states
will not be helped by the disaster in
New Jersey.
PEANS OF PRAISE.
It is rather difficult at first blush to
understand the reasoning processes of
a Southern contemporary which says
this is a hypercritical age. Compli
ments contaminated by hidden strings
of criticism are all too frequent, we
are told, and too many people have too
many mean things to say concerning
too many things. It is reasonably
true that the anvil chorus continues
to be well recruited, with few symp
toms of falling away in energy and
enthusiasm for the work of detraction
and vituperation, but the detractors
are not one in ten to those who deal
in honeyed phrases.
Praise is not only a habit, it is a
profession. Thousands of industrious
and ingenious optimists, not to say
triflers with truth, are lying awake
nights thinking up new nice things
to say for their clients. Second
and third-rate actors, writers, lectur
ers and public personages are being
heralded day after day with more
praise fit for immortals than was
ever given in past centuries to the
immortals themselves. The news
papers especially teem with praise.
Occasionally there is criticism, but
it is almost lost amid the mighty
chorus of praise peans.
Does someone sing, the cheerful
critic endows her with qualities she
never suspected in herself. Does some
one speak, he voices rare logic and
charm even though his audience sleep
serenely through it all. The brides
of today are all beautiful, the divorcees
all dashing, the soldiers all gallant, the
hostesses all charming, the actors all
well cast, the artists all clever, the
musicians all possessed of exquisite
touch and depth of understanding,
the preachers all powerful, the public
speakers all stirring and eloquent.
If there ever was an age of super
latives it is now hard upon us. If
there ever was a day when mediocrity
was endowed with the powers of
genius, when praise was spread broad
cast and the broad mantle of charity
was spread over great multitudes, that
day is now with us. Still, we should
not complain at this, for, after all.
words of praise are the flowers in. the
rugged path of life. They brighten
the gloom of mortal existence. Let
them continue to multiply.
MAKING THE RICH PAT FOB THE WAR.
While the Attorney-General of the
United States i3 arguing before the
Supreme Court in defense of the prin
ciple that taxes should fall more
heavily on the rich than on the poor.
Great Britain, which has long acted
on that principle, is putting it into
effect in a more drastic form than
ever in order to meet the expenses of
the war. According to the new budget,
a man having an income of $1000 a
year will pay $41.50 tax; one whose
income Is J1500 will pay about J93,
and the tax grows heavier as the in
come grows larger, so that the tax on
5000 is $520, on $25,000 it is $5000,
on $50,000 it is $12,600. on $100,000
it is $30,100 and on $500,000 it is
$170,000.
The tax is also extended downward
to catch smaller incomes than it
touches in peace. Formerly all in
comes under $800 were exempt, but
that amount is now to pay $21, while
between $650 and $800 incomes will
pay on the excess over $65 0, the min
imum tax being $5.50.
The British policy of financing the
war contrasts directly with that of
Germany. Britain alms to pay a
large proportion of the cost out of
annual revenue in order to limit the
debt. Germany pays nothing out of
revenue and borrows all war funds,
her Financfe Minister professing con
fidence tha,t victory will enable the
empire to collect an indemnity large
enough to place the entire burden on
the enemy. The new British budget
increases the income tax, imposes a
special tax of 50 per cent on war
profits, increases by 50 per cent the
duties on tea, tobacco, cocoa, coffee,
chicory and dried fruit and by 100
per cent the duties on petrol and
patent medicines. It imposes a new
duty of 33 1-3 per cent on automo
biles, motorcycles, moving - picture
films, clocks, watches, musical instru
ments, plate glass and hats, and ma
terially increases postage, telegraph
and telephone rates. The total addi
tion to the revenue will be about
$510,000,000 a year. So strenuous an
effort does Britain make to pay as she
goes and to hold down debt that not
even the sinking fund of the pre-war
debt is suspended.
HOW LONG CAN THEY LAST?
An interesting calculation of the
losses and staying powers of the sev
eral belligerents was made by General
Francis V. Greene, U. S. A., retired,
in an address to the West Point, ca
dets. Exoluding from consideration
the slightly wounded and assuming
that the greater proportion of those
whom he classes as wounded will not
return to the ranks, he places the
losses as follows:
Killed. Wounded. Missing.
Knter.te allies. . .l.u&i.ouO l.MG.uOO 1.2S5.OO0
Teutons-Turkey. . l.uuo.wjo l.Teu.uuO 1.020.VUO
He estimates the number of fit
males of military age in any country
at 10 per cent of' the population,
though Germany claims 12 per cent,
and he gives her credit for that ratio.
That gave Germany 7,800,000 when
war began. Deducting 1,900,000 as
lost and adding 500,000 who have
since attained military age, Germany
now has 6,400,000 available. The
empire's loss is about 18 per cent and
thus could continue to fight for about
four years before the last man was
put out of action.
Austria is estimated to have lost
1,800,000 or 36 per cent of her
5,000,000 available men and would
thus be out of business in two years.
As Turkey's continuance in the war
will probably be determined by strat
egic considerations, no .estimate is
made of her power of endurance.
France, including colonies, is esti
mated to have started with 5,000,000
men and to have lost 1,400,000, or 28
per cent. New recruits would enable
her to last three years.
Britain and her English-speaking
colonies entered the war with 6,000,
000 men and has lost 392,000 or a
little over 6 per cent, while a larger
number have reached military age
since hostilities began. ' At this rate
of loss that country could continue to
fight indefinitely, but the General ap
pears not to have taken Into consider
ation ttiat, as more men are put in
the field, the ratio of loss to the
whole number available will increase.
Russia had 17,000,000 available at
the outset and has lost 2,200,000, but
about 1,500.000 boys have since at
tained military age. The empire
could thus fight indefinitely, so far as
supplies of men are concerned.
Italy so far has lost only 1 or 2
per cent of her 2,500,000 available
men. -
On this basis, another year of war
at the present rate of loss would re
duce Germany and Austria to hope
less inferiority, but superior equip
ment of artillery and supplies of am
munition count for more than mere
numbers of men. In the latter re
spect, however, Germany and Austria
seem to have attained their maxi
mum, while Britain, chief producer
among the ailies, is only now ap
proaching hers. The allies, too, draw
military supplies from abroad, hiie
Germany, Austria and Turkey must
produce theirs at home. This fact
impels Germany alone to keep prob
ably 500,000 effectives in the factor
ies, though the import of munitions
from neutral countries enables the
allies to keep an equal number on the
firing line without diminishing their
supplies.
These calculations show Germany
and Austria as striving to overcome
superior numbers with superior weap-.
ons, both in quality and quantity.
This superiority has not been demon
strated this year at any point except
against Russia, and that country is
now holding its own and is gaining
artillery and ammunition. As sup
plies from Britain and from neutral
sources increase, full equality in that
respect, and possibly superiority, may
be established by the allies on the
eastern front. Should that prove true,
they can continue losing man for man
and enter the third year of the war
with an important advantage In num
bers. But the General's figures do not
agree with those given by Sir Erick
Swayne. the British director of re
cruiting. He estimates that Germany
still has available between 9,000.000
and 10,000,000 men. If this be true,
the advantage" in numbers possessed
by the allies is much less than General
Greene shows, and Germany's period
of endurance is greatly prolonged be
yond four years. Both Germany and
Austria are able, on account of their
central position and their perfect rail
road system, to transfer troops so rap
idly that they can make each man
count in the field for far more than
can the allies, who have a much longer
and an outer line of communication,
mo h of it by sea. Sir Erick Swayne
seems not to exaggerate when he tells
Britain that she must recruit 3.000.
000 more men in order to secure for
the allies the unquestioned prepon
derance in numbers. Only by pos
sessing and exercising power to put
each man in the fighting line or in
the munition factories, according to
his capacity, could Britain put this
number of men In the field without
reducing her production of munitions.
Once more does the necessity of or
ganizing the whole nation for war
bring Britain face to face with the
question of compulsory service.
TRIUMPHANT ART.
American dramatic art in what has
grown to be its most popular form
has taken another step forward. We
read of a production now in its first
weeks in New York that surpasses
anything of the kind heretofore under
taken, which is saying a great deal
considering that it belongs to the mu
sical extravaganza species. In com
mon with the usual run of musical
pieces o this sort the production de
pends little on its music and much
upon Its girls. As a girl show it has
all predecessors beaten, for not only
has no expense been spared in pro
curing the services of a vast variety of
"chorus ladies," but the costuming is
entirely without precedent.
We have not been favored with a
copy of the evening programme, but
we fancy that among the credits at
the back of this inevitable pamphlet
there must be some such notation as
"Costumes by Eve." Certainly the
primitive styles in vogue during the
Garden of Eden era have been adapted
more nearly in all their original sim
plicity than ever before. No such
deceptions as fleshings are resorted to,
for when did brazen paint ever take
the place of Nature's own art?
Needless to say, there is no such
crudity as plot. So far as the theme
Is concerned it would appear that it
has to do with the assassination of
modesty, morality and decency, in
which case the main idea is carried
out with rare ' skill and complete
ness. The action of the production
centers about the unabashed daughters
of Eve, who disport themselves not
only on -the stage, but in the aisles,
thus enabling near-sighted patrons to
reap all the subtleties of this artistic
creation of the American stage. Music
Is perpetrated in sufficient quantities
to carry the rhythm of these bedaz
zling nymphs, and there are some
jokes which comport to the high moral
tone of the main feature of this latest
glittering contribution to art.
In gaining appreciation, from the
high patrons of ennobling productions
of this character it has lived up to the
fondest anticipations. The S. R. O.
sign is out for a week in advance and
even that ancient symbol of popular
favor has to be hauled down before
the curtain rises, since there isn't even
standing room for belated patrons.
Who can say in the light of this bril
liant spectacle that we are not an ap
preciative and cultured people? Surely
this is the answer to those thoughtless
critics who castigate us upon our in
difference to such stupid chaps as
Shakespeare and his kind.
BRITISH CABINET QUAKRKU,.
Dissension in the British Cabinet If
the inevitable consequence of the at
tempt to unite for a common purpose
men of opposing ideas whom years of
political warfare have brought into
sharp antagonism. That has been the
story of all coalitions in British his
tory. Being politicians, the members
of a Cabinet are incapable of excluding
from their minds thoughts of political
advantage, both party and personal. In
considering questions of even such su
preme national importance as arise
from a great war. When decisions
are taken which some members con
sider disastrous blunders, they guard
their political future in the name of
consistency by renouncing responsi
bility and by resigning. That seems to
have been the case with Sir Edward
Carson.
The Orangemen's leader finds an
other cause of protest in the formation
of an inner Cabinet which has taken
control of the immediate conduct of
the war. This inner Cabinet com
prises ten of the twenty-two members.
Its existence grows from the unwieldy
size of the Cabinet, but those members
who are excluded from it naturally
chafe at being ignored and tolerate its
existence so long only as success seems
to Justify it.
Recent events prove that the inner
Cabinet has blundered, and the storm
of mortified rage which has broken
out extended unavoidably to those
members who had no part in the blun
ders. They resent being held respon
sible and Incline to place the blame
where it belongs. Public criticism of
the mistakes at the Dardanelles and in
the negotiations with the Balkan
States has been the more severe be
cause the strict censorship has kept
the people in the dark about the real
situation. The alignment of Bulgaria
with the Teutons, the decision of
Greece and Roumania to remain neu
tral and the failure to send an array
long ago to defend Serbia therefore
came as a shock to the British people,
like a sudden awakening from pleas
ant dreams. With apparent justifica
tion it is charged that, on the plea
of protecting the public interests, the
government has been hiding its own
failure until concealment was no
longer possible. Popular-rage at being
deluded by a body of inefficients
moves those Ministers who had no
part in the mistakes to step aside and
point out those who have actually in
vited censure.
All these events serve to intensify
the controversy which has long raged
with increasing bitterness around the
question of compulsory service. The
Tories are most inclined to that policy
and have been most forward in advo
cating it. As their party is controlled
by the landed aristocracy and by the
wealthy middle class, that fact has
aroused the class suspicion of the
workingmen, who form a large pro
portion of the Liberal and the whole of
the Labor party. Conviction that com
pulsory service alone can put forth
the entire strength of the Nation has
been borne in upon the minds of many
Liberals headed by Lloyd George, and
the conscription forces are gaining
strength.
Every argument in favor of con
scription, however, has to contend
with the century-old repugnance of
the British people to compulsion in
any form, and with the fear that a
great army might be used by a mili
tary oligarchy to destroy their liber
ties. It is contended that Britain has
risen to every former emergency and
won all her victories under the vol
untary system, and" that It has yet to
be proved that that system is not equal
co present needs.
Should the present Cabinet break
up through irreconcilable differences
about conscription and war policy, it
is difficult to conceive how an elec
tion, even under the stress of war.
could be avoided. The Liberal coali
tion would probably split on the con
scription issue, the entire Labor and
Irish Nationalist parties joining many
Radicals in opposition to, while the
bulk of the Liberals would join the
Tories in support of, compulsion. An
election might be avoided if the con
scriptionists were to unite in support
of a new Tory Cabinet headed by
Bonar Law. or of a new Liberal Cab
inet headed by Lloyd George. If the
question were fought out at the polls
and if conscription won, patriotism
and traditional British respect for law
might prompt submission to the new
law. If it were attempted by a Lew
Cabinet without an appeal to the vot
ers, there might be resistance similar
to the draft-riots of the American
Civil War. Thus a choice of evils
seems to be offered.
HUMILIATING,
Another Portland speaker has of
fered the familiar argument that be
cause Oregon was prodigal with its
public lands it should not be trusted
with control of water powers. The
Federal Government, It is said, is less
susceptible to the wiles of the power
interests.
Yet in the same breath he cites the
example of another state, Washington,
which in contrast to Oregon has con
served its public lands and accumu
lated "a comfortable school fund
which lightens taxes."
It will perhaps occur to the thought
ful reader that at the time Oregon
was prodigal with public lands the
Federal Government was also; that if
Oregon is not to be trusted, while
Washington is, Washington should not
be made to suffer humiliation because
of Oregon's dereliction. The water
power issue does not concern Oregon
alone It involves a dozen Western
states.
As for Washington's fighter tax bur
dens, it was only a few days ago that
the Seattle Post-Intelligencer boasted
that Seattle was paying more er
capita for support of schools than any
other city on the Coast. Another Se
attle newspaper thereupon questioned
the superiority of Seattle schools.
Since Oregon squandered its lund
heritage, if it did actually squander
It, the government of the state bas
been taken over by the people of the
state. In no other community do the
people exercise as direct and- unas
sailable rule. Reservation of the pow
ers of pure democracy was advocated
on the assumption that the people
were fit to rule and was secured In
part through the influence of the
same element that now assails their
fitness to manage their own property.
ELEVATING THE PLUMBER.
Plumbing is about to be elevated
into the professions. Presently the
plumber will have a title affixed to
his name quite the same as those who
tinker with human bones and teeth.
We take it that he will set himself up
in office and put on airs much as his
medical brethren have done since be
ing advanced from the ranks of medie
val artisans. At least all tills is the
logical deduction from the latest word
from Harvard, one of those great cul
tural centers which regulate, adjust
and arrange all such matters.
Harvard students are to enter Into
the subject of plumbing with consid
erable zest, for while that subject has
not been appended to the curriculum.
a generous contributor to the Univer
sity has set apart a goodly sum to be
awarded in annual prizes to each per
son bringing forward the best thesis
on plumbing in any of its phases and
ramifications. Without doubt the un
named contributor is none other than
the plumbing trust in disguise and the
true purpose is to get a chair of
plumbing introduced anon. Then the
plumber will present bills in keeping
with professional standards without
exciting undue criticism and comment.
When the plan we see budding has
reached full maturity we shall expect
to send for Doctor Blank, P. M. D.,
and have him roll up in his limousine
to diagnose our plumbing troubles. If
the case is not serious, some simple
home remedy may serve, although in
cases requiring major operations we
shall expect to have our plumbing re
moved to the plumbing surgery. Un
der the present plan our plumbing
bills arise to the full dignity of pro
fessional service, but when the transi
tion from artisan to doctor of plumb
ing has been achieved, we shall ask
for the gentle surcease of anesthesia
when the bill is brought in for set
tlement. CERVANTES' TERCENTENARY.
While Spain, after waiting some 300
years without making much of a stir
over the . matter, is busy with elab
orate preparations for observing the
tercentenary of Cervantes in the
Spring, the birthday-of that illuminat
ing figure in literature lately slipped
by almost unnoted and entirely un
sung. Oddly enough, the Spanish peo
ple will observe the death date of the
greatest man they have ever ccntrlb
uted to the world, but that is no mat
ter so long as they are to express (heir
appreciation of him in befitting man
ner. The celebration will take on a
national form with a great art and
literary display and mass meetings in
the cities whose streets and jails he
once frequented.
Miguel Cervantes de Saavedra the
name loses its familiar aspect with
all its appendages got little consider
ation from the Spain of his day. But
that Is the usual lot of true greatness
though the fact need not excito more
than passing comment. Yet it seems
the cruel irony of fate that while he
penned his immortal "Don Quixote" to
brighten the mortal existence oC un
told millions his own lot partaok of
bitter privation. But poverty, even
imprisonment, did not mar the seren
ity of his craft, and who can say that
he did not find in concentration re
freshing surcease from outward flu's?
He died leaving behind him nothing
more than a family 111 provided for,
his books and a name which did not
attain familiarity until later years.
The elder Hugo is credited with the
boast in his day that he would lt-i-ve
room in his century for others by his
death; yet we find room for both Cer
vantes and the Bard of Stratford in a
like period. What Shakespeare was
to the English. Cervantes was to
Spain, and Spain in its tercentenary
will pay homage to the English master
by way of recognizing contemporary
greatness.
The depths of human nature which
Shakespeare sounded are the depths
of human nature today. We have
changed only in customs, external
habits and superficial traits. The
truths which Cervantes held up have
lost no part of their force through the
corrosive agencies ot time. It is uaid
that a popular book of his time having
to do with knight errantry inspired
Cervantes to undertake the subtle
satire of Don Quixote. It may chance
that he wrote better than he knew.
At all events the grotesque character,
whose mind had been touched by the
warping finger of queerness. found an
appeal which has reached into everv
tongue and passed, with ever-increas
ing favor, from generation to gener
ation.
Today the grotesque Don Quixote
is as near and familiar to us as he
could possibly have been to those who
knew him 300 years gone by. We may
find his counterparts in real life on
every hand. Some adhere to Cervan
tes portrayal of the original Don with
rare fidelity. In what community, in
what land, are we denied the spectacle
of some champion of human goodness
launching himself, lance poised,
against the windmills of fancied ag
gressors? How closely does our own
William Jennings Bryan compare with
the altruistic if misguided Don, rid
ing full tilt against fancied enemies of
humankind. Is there not. a deadly
parallel between Bryan fortifying
himself to nroceed azainst the wind
mills of Europe, olive branch in hand,
and that of the lanky Don Quixote
launching himself, cap-a-ple, upon the
flaring blades of some huge medieval
pumping plant?
Nor are we lost for countless other
dons, great and small. They loom on
the skyline of community as well as
upon the horizon ' of nation, these
counterparts of our melancholy hero.
Germany seeking to dominate by pre
cision, organization, science, material
efficiency: England awakened from
fancied security; America striving to
advance the interests of higher hu
manity and sell munitions at one and
the same time; France seeking to re
gain and maintain lasting peace
through force of arms.
It was Don himself who discovered
the virtues of arms in maintaining
the peace of nations, and how familiar
is the logic of this beclouded warrior
philosopher as Cervantes has him say:
"I speak of human learning whose
end, I say, is to regulate distributive
justice and to give to every man his
due; to know good laws and cause
them to be strictly observed an ob
ject most certainly generous and ex
alted and worthy of high commenda
tion, but not equal to that which is
annexed to the profession of arms
whose end and purpose is peace the
greatest blessing man can enjoy in this
life, for the first glad tidings the world
received was what the angels brought
on that night which was our day when
they sang in the clouds, 'Glory to God
on high and on earth; peace, good will
toward men." "
This was the vitals of Don's phil
osophy. He saw in the medium of
knight errantry a curative for the
evils of his day. and he set out with
the faithful Sancho Panza at his side
to make a better place of the world.
Cervantes permits us to perceive the
error of Don's ways beneath the right
eous purposes of his crusades. In do
ing so he has provided us with a
lasting perspective of the unnumbered
Don Quixotes of every age.
Wilson has pardoned a swindler in
Atlanta penitentiary who sold a mil
lion dollars' worth of valueless stocks
because he Is wasting away from dis
ease. Very likely change of air will
bring about recovery as quick as that
of Morse.
A local Bull Mooser asserts that the
Progressives are certain to have a
Presidential candidate in the field. In
which event he will give the Social
ist and Prohibition candidates a hard
race for last place on the ticket.
While patriotic enthusiasm is at its
height, employers may be willing to
let workmen train in the continental
army, but when their ardor cools it
may be different both with them and
the citizen soldiers.
The Czar is buying ties in the
Northwest for the purpose of double
tracking his military lines. No doubt
he wants a ready means of retreat for
his troops when the Germans move
forward again.
' Anyone who has ever had any ex
perience in such matters can now un
derstand why the President was so
busy last Summer when we supposed
diplomatic pressure was interfering
with his sleep.
Italy helps Serbia by fighting her
own war a little harder. That is the
weakness of the allies. Each is car
rying on a war of its own, while the
Teutons fight one war together..
A movement is on foot for lower
postage. We'll be lucky if we don't
have to pay more, the way the Gov
ernment is rolling up expenses and
running down receipts.
However, the shooting of the nurse
wasn't a circumstance to the torpedo
ing of the Lusitania, which incident
we appear to have forgotten in good
form.
England will fight to the last, says
a dispatch. We assume that follow
ing the word "last" the word "French
man" was deleted by the censor.
Dr. Aked has discovered a certain
way to end the war. The choir will
now turn to page 23 and sing "Dream
ing." The New Haven directors gave
Charles S. Mellen a cordial handshake,
but the cordiality reached no further.
Just wait until those pork-barrel
Senators tell the President what they
think of millions for defence.
You will observe how nice and quiet
Mexico hasn't grown since the Car
ranza recognition.
Loafing boys are a problem which
is worrying California. Military train
ing will solve it.
Mothers are busy, exclaims a head
line. Busiest folks on earth, not only
now, but always.
Even with $107,487 cut out there is
nothing niggardly about that Dieck
budget.
Judge McGinn opposes easy divorces.
Other Jurists please take notice.
Is it possible that we are .being
milked by a milk trust, as charged?
Keep right after that budget. We're
fiends for punishment.
Let the boy join. It will make a
man of him.
She will be remembered along with
Belgium.
Miss Cavell died like a man.
Gleams Through the Mist
By !- Collins.
The Manufacturers' mad Land Show.
Wake, for the sparkling of the morning sua
Hath put the- ahadea of night upon tha run;
It flashes from Mount Hood In lambent
rajs
And shines upon the dome ot Colonel Donaa
And. tha new year reviving old events.
The hosts of showmen now unfold their tenta
And what they offer at tha Armory
In all past records put enormous dents.
They say the Hon and tha Uxard keep
The courts where Jamshyd gloried and drank
deep.
But, could he hear about tha show wava
planned.
Methlnks old J. would rouse up tram his
sleep.
There aro but few to whom fata doth dis
close The secrets of the great Land Products
Shows.
But Klngaley, who hath charge of this one
here
He knows about them all. ha knows, ha
knows.
Last year myself did -eagerly frequent
Tha Land Show halls and many days I spent.
And several thousand others every day
Entered the selfsame door wherein I went.
And when, this year amid the eager mass,
I pause before the ticket cage of glass.
Here's hoping Bateham In angel shape
Will come and slip to ma a aeason pass.
"Sir," said the Courteous Office Boy.
and. paused beside my chair, "while I
have been In your employ, I've always
found you square."
"Proceed." I said.
And he did so.
"Each year. sir. I have been a fan
at that Land Products Show;. Say. can
you get mo In. to see that show as'lur
Well, really, I don't know, you know,
but we will try to win a gangway to
get in."
"Oh, how. my master, will you 'range,
without expending any change?"
"Ho. Ho" I laughed, and then I said:
"I'll take you as a cabbage head."
He only winked a solemn wink, al
though his cheeks blushed softly pink.
"That plan sounds good, but it would
seem to me, sir. that a better scheme
this tangled Gordlan knot to cut. would
be for me to go and see and have a
place reserved for thee, so I could claim
admission free, as an exhibitor of a
nut."
How oft I remember tha scenes af my
childhood
When Tond recollection presents them to
view,
Tha fancy thirst quenchers they mixed up
and styled good
About tha neat placa owned by Charley
Bllyeu;
But all of these scenes in tha dryness grow
dimmer
Compared to the new ayatem aooa we ehail
know.
And tha drinks will be good, though per
haps a bit slimmer
At the new '16 bar at tha Land Products
Shiw.
Soft, softer than swanedown tha dranghta
they will serve up;
Ko mora by the Demon tha thirst shall
ba slaked;
And men shall quaff deeply and bolster their
nerve up
On malts and on juices entirely unsnaked.
And one must stir up the bold mood of tha
Hon
And bring to his cheek the radiant glow
With drinks of tha type that are lauded by
Bryan
. At the new '10 bar at the Land Products
Show.
Believe me, if all those endearing
young charms that keep guard o'er the
booths of the show, keep piling up
samples of goods in my arms. Just what
I will do I don't know. There are sam
ples of salads and breakfast foods new,
hams, candy, corn fritters and ice, coal,
pickles and stewpans, and soap sam
ples, too, and pamphlets chuck full of
advice.
Believe me. if all those endearing
young charms that do demonstrate
there is each booth, reach out and do
beckon and swing on my arms, I will
have a great time, forsooth, with the
beauty salve girl and the face massage
girl, and the girl that makes flap-'
jacks; I know that my time is - most
likely to be just one whirl of delight at
the Land Products Show.
And as I wander mid the booths and Jest
-with Lloyd McDowell.
Full merrily and cheerily we'll hear the
barkers howl
Their lines of advertising dope on crosscut
saws and Ink and soap
But we will battle all their hope and from
their lurlngs will elope.
As through the aisles at eve we stroll and
see the apples shine
And watch the peaceful pumpkins He piled
up In stately line.
Amid the uproar and the fuss we'll hear tha
busy barker cuss
A-pulllng of his line of talk, appealing ta
the public thus:
"Ladies and gents, it Is now my in
tention to attract your attention to this
here invention, rivaling Edison's great
est achievements, and I will show you
the worst of bereavements that ever
can make man a hopeless despairer, is
not to have this here Superb Pickle
Parer."
"Cider, fresh cider! Fresh Hood River elder:
Yes, thank you! No, we don't charge for
the spider!
Drink a deep swig of tha source of her
pride her
ilood River apples and Hood River elder."
"Lady, would you care to pause, stop
and hesitate, while this carpet sweeper
for you I demonstrate hooks onto any
light, turn the switch, left or right,
sucks up with all its might, straws,
sticks, trash, buttons, cash nothing
could make your sweet borne life se
rener than this here electrical vacuum
cleaner."
I want no stars In heaven to guide me:
1 merely want to roam around at will.
With maybn George D. Lee to stick beside
me
While we the demon brats of Time do
kill.
I want to loaf and take In all the Land
Show.
And sample all the dope the booths dis
play. And vote, with others, that It Is a grand
show
Tou get so much, for which you needn't
pay.
And I want to see advance the crowds
to join the "Jitney dance," to trip the
light fantastic toe, while the show goes
on below, while I whistle to the air of
the band and I'll be there.
How the merry crowd will thicken
with the right degree of chicken and
amid the gathering fair, I opine that
I'll be there; also, if my hunch is true
other guys will be there, too.
Ask me no more, for in this colyum's
length
There Is but room to touch tha highest
spots.
I've neither time nor space to wish, nor
strength
To fire my entire magazine of shots.
Ask me no more about the mighty show
That's set to open on the morrow. No.
There Is no room to tell it all to you.
So ask McDowell, or, better yet Just go.
Nickel's Worth of Dates.
Exchange.
Smart Aleck tin stationery store) I
want a nickel's worth of dates.
Clerk We don't keep fruit, sir.
Smart Aleck Oh, brighten up!
brighten upl Gimme a o-cent calendarl
1