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PORTLAXI, SUJTDAr, JUNE 24, 1913.
VACATION JOYS.
As a rule, vacations are short, far
too short. Teachers are the only toll
er In the world who have reasonably
loss; ones, and even theirs have been
rudely curtailed of late years by Intru
sive association meetings and Summer
schpols. In our mind's eye we can see
the destiny of the man who invented
Summer schools. Flames and redhot
Pitchforks are his portion, with seven
little imps to keep him well basted.
Seeing how woefully brief most vaca
tions are, it is the part of wisdom to
make them count for as much as pos
sible. This brings us to the question
we wish to discuss: "How to make
a. vacation yield the maximum of Joy
and the minimum of pain." Tastes
differ so much that it is almost im
possible to lay down wise general rules
and yet there are some which ought
to be universally applicable.
For example, we think "Don't go
fishing" is a good rule for most people
to obey. Fishing as a sport is not
what it is cracked up to be. There
are grave doubts whether it is a sport
at all. One might far more reasonably
call it a torment. To sit all through
the long afternoon with the sun beat
ing pitilessly down on your head and
the mosquitoes feasting on your face
and hands while you long in vain for a
bite, is it wise to call that sport? Or,
we ask in all candor, is it sport to
wade down an icy brook up to your
hips In water, falling on the slippery
stones and barking your shins on lurk
ing snags?
Having decided not to go fishing, we
come to the next precept, which Is,
"Don't go on a tramping tour," or a
"hike," to use the cant term. There
are people in the world who can walk
day after day and find enjoyment in it,
but one suspects something uncanny if
not superhuman about them. They
are more or less than mortal, probably
more. Their heels are unblietefable.
Their legs never get lame. They do
not care where they sleep at night.
They rather prefer not to sleep any
where. Ordinary mortals, must not
expect to relish the miseries which
these oddities seem to delight in. If
a person of average fortitude and pow
ers of endurance goes on a tramp, he
simply spoils his vacation. He had
better never left his desk or hod, or
whatnot. And what is so sad as a
spoiled vacation, its ruined hopes, its
blighted visions?
With somewhat less assurance we
advise the pleasure hunter not to camp
out. Camping out promises a good
deal more than it performs. The big
Are at night, the Jolly circle gathered
round it telling yarns, the dreamless
slumber neath the .sentinel stars are
lovely to read about, but they are only
half the story. The dishes mus be
washed with fateful regularity, the
rain usually puts out the campfire
Just about story time, and if it did not
the best minstrels of the party are too
tired at night to do anything but bathe
their blisters and go groaningly to bed.
What shall we do, then, to pass the
all too fleeting days of our vacations?
Well, for one thing, if the craze for
rash adventure does not possess us, we
can rest. One can find a place where
there are no mosquitoes, where the
temperate sun beams soothingly on
grassy hillsides and the breezes are
laden with the perfume of flowers and
there one can lie at ease and dream
the happy hours away. Doing noth
ing? Exactly. Doing nothing. Nei
ther Improving the mind nor exercis
ing the body, nor worrying about the
soul. Just lying in the lap of nature
a.nd growing young. And there are
gentle diversions well adapted to the
sunny repose which seems to us the
ideal vacation mood. We recommend
nothing so strenuous as bicycling or
rowing. These are all very well for
people who do not need rest, but for
the weary desk toiler whose brain and
body hunger for nirvana, the best di
version we know of is watching bees.
The ceaseless industry of these foolish
Insects invites one to blissful drowsi
ness. Their hum lulls the perturbed
spirit and the thought of the honey
they are so laboriously gathering
sweetens many an afternoon hour for
the philosophic vacationer. There is
no vacation food more grateful and
hygienic than bread and honey. At
intervals one reflects on the goodness
of Providence who has created bees
for man to rob, and this also pacifies
the soul.
Then there are pets. Not dogs, i
They are too riotous and. "noisy. They
are suitable for the wild hunter who
tears tempestuously through the woods
seeking what he may kill, and for the
dame of fashion who enjoys poison
ing them with candy. But the true
vacationer finds pets more in harmony
with his halcyon mood. He wants his
animal friends to be in accord with
the tempered surfshine and the odor
ous breezes. So he chooses a cow,
perhaps. The cow Is the embodiment
of calm. She seldom hurries. She
gambols only once or twice a year.
As a rule she is a perfect Buddha for
repose, and the vacationer imbibes
fathomless draughts of equanimity
from her companionship. If it were
not for the flies that buzz, around al
most every cow, we should recommend
her as the queen of all vacation pets.
Her only defect is her lack of intelli
gence, but that is often almost a vir
tue. v In vacation time intelligence Is su
perfluous. If we must have It, we can
turn to the rig. This animal is so
shrewd that he is occasionally disturb
ing, but usually he conceals his intel
lect under an Imperturbable poise.
The pig is the aristocrat of the farm
yard. His voice is haughty, his nose
is contemptuous, his eye is scornful,
and with it all he maintains a serenity
that bathes his surroundings in re-
pose. If one cannot cultivate a pet
cow, let him turn to the pig and he
will lose little or nothing of his due
pleasure. The point It, of course, that
ne ought to select some animal com
rade who will intensify the deep rest
fulness which is the essence of a true
vacation.
I'NDER FAIR SKIES.
The new city administration man
ifests a purpose to start with a clean
slate. Undoubtedly the people In
tended, by the adoption of the new
charter, that the Mayor and Commis
sioners should have a free hand. They
are under no special obligations to
any party, or organization, or group,
or body of men or women; and they
are committed to no plan, or policy, or
principle of action, except the wel
fare of the whole city. No public
officers in Oregon ever had greater
powers or larger responsibilities re
posed with them; but, on the other
hand, none ever had a better oppor
tunity to perform a great public
service.
There is no reason why Portland
should not have the most efficient gov
ernment of any considerable city In
the United States. We believe it will
have. For it has chosen for its all
powerful City Commission men who
are by popular acclaim said to be
most fit for the Jobs; they have the
necessary authority; and they have
behind them the public good will.
No ship ever set sail on the seas
of government under fairer auspices.
We shall hope fair breezes will bring
her into port at the end of two years,
or four years,' with a clean bill of lad
ing, well-trimmed sails, a sound hulk,
and a harmonious captain and crew.
NTEW LIGHT IN THE SENATE.
The Boston Transcript records as
"one of the most astonishing and sig
nificant events of the week" at Wash
ington the favorable report for a con
stitutional amendment enfranchising
women, made by the Senate Commit
tee on Woman Suffrage. "This re
port," declares the Transcript," is none
the less astonishing because it had
been discounted in advance, and none
the less significant because it is made
by a political party which is not on
record as favoring votes for women."
It may be remarked that the Dem
ocratic party has far less regard for
mere consistency than for the warn
ings of a growing public sen
timent. Tet the Senate has not
been noted for its inclination to re
spond to the demands of the popular
will. ' More astonishing and more sig
nificant, then, than the fact that the
Democratic party appears to be veer
ing toward Woman Suffrage is the
action of the United States Senate, al
ways the home of the reactionaries
and the foe of political progress.
It is interesting to observe that the
Senate Committee, In making up Its
report, made use of the following set
of rules from "Advanced Civics," by
Dr. S. E. Farman:
1. Will this class of citizens vote when
BVfr l-e 0PPortInly Is presented?
-. Will this class of citizens (females) at-
mp .to comprehend the questions upon
which tt votes?
3. Will this class of citizens (females) at
tempt to learn something of the character
f.?- Jtn" of the persons for whom it
votes ?
wnl ,hl class of persons vote against
dishonest persons for office?
ur"sTWm this class oppose dishonest meas-
r'1' 'his class refuse, directly or In
directly, to accept a bribe, and refuse, di
rectly or indirectly, to give a bribe?
. V 1 ,hls clas place country above
party?
8- Will thle class recognise the result of
the election as the will of the people and
therefore as the law ?
a Will this class continue to fight for a
righteous although defeated, cause so long
i A V a ronable hope of success?
end write? C'"" ' e,t,"n able to read
'J,- Does this class of citizens pay taxes T
There are half a million citizens in
Oregon who could and would answer
these questions in chorus.
Cl'BBDiQ THK LOBBY.
Some Washington newspaper corre
spondents have called attention promi
nently to revelations in the lobby In
quiry as to ownership of stock in en
terprises affected by the Underwood
tariff bill. Acknowledgment by Sen
ators of more or less personal inter
est in tariff duties was made with Just
a bit of apology and, says one writer,
"it was evident that more than one
felt an instinctive sense of impro
priety, even if he was angry at the
occasion which reminded him of it."
Whether a Senator shall feel embar
rassed over such disclosures ought, in,
common sense, depend very largely
on the degree of his personal inter
est in the tariff schedules and of his
efforts in behalf of that interest. It
seems hardly possible that a Senate
at all representative of the varied in
dustries of the forty-eight states
could be elected and none of its mem
bers be personally interested in some
of the changes proposed by a law
having the wide scope of the Under
wood bill.
It is a pretty theory, perhaps, that
Congress should be composed of men
whose Judicial consideration of ques
tions . could not be suspected of being
swayed by personal considerations.
Yet the same theory is carried to ex
treme in the American jury system,
and everybody knows what the sys
tem often produces. Congress would
be far less effective if it were an
aggregation of blanks than if it num
bered among its members men who
have actual, intimate knowledge of
the effect proposed legislation would
have on the country's industries. It
would certainly not be pleasing to
Oregon,, for example, if, because the
state knowingly elected a wool-grower
to Congress, the member should re
frain from giving his views or regis
tering his vote on the wool sched
ule, nor would his constituents think
more of him should he hasten to sac
rifice his wool holdings if a tariff
bill appeared in the offing.
The trend of the anti-lobby agita
tion is indeed headed toward a fan
ciful goal. Conceive of a lawmaking
power composed of members who
possess no direct or Indirect personal
interest in or practical knowledge of
the country's industries; exclude from
the capital all representatives of In
dustry. The only logical method of
further . procedure is for the law
makers to gather Information under
strict rules of evidence; protect the
legislators from contact with outsiders
by guarding them with bailiffs; ex
clude newspapers from the delibera
tive chambers and lock Congress up
every night until It has completed
Its labors.
Withdrawal from Washington of
so-called lobbyists who represent the
public and civic Interests is not what
the public desires. Yet some who
are professedly of that type and con
cerning whose sincerity there is no
reasonable doubt have withdrawn be
cause of the broad classification given
and odium heaped upon the term
"lobbyist." From a search for the
"insidious" lobbyist the inquiry is de
veloping into an obstacle to adequate
hearings on subjects affecting the
country's welfare. Members of
either House ought to be immune
from personal influence, either secret
or unidentified. The Congressional
hanger-on who will take up any cause
for pay ought to be exposed by some
form of public registration. But in
these days of quick and ready trans
mission of intelligence it is idle to
think- of a Congress so cloistered that
Importunities from Interested sec
tions or industries will not reach it in
some form or other. Personal lobbying
that is open and above board, and
confined to facts or arguments unem
belllshed with entertainment or favors
can hardly be condemned or pre
vented. But we shall always have to
rely on our legislators being in some
measure free from susceptibility to
lobbying devices which may as readily
be launched from New York as from
Washington.
RAISING $190,000.
Portland property owners and busi
ness men have given proof of their
confidence and optimism by subscrib
ing J84.000 of the 1150,000 Commer
cial Club fund, although the canvass
khas been quietly conducted and only
puruon or .me city s many produc
tive resources has been touched.
Undoubtedly the full amount will be
subscribed, for it must be, if the de
velopment of city and state are to be
promoted through the intelligent
stimulus of concerted community ac
tloh and conservation.
The Commercial Club has done re
markable work in the past nine years
through its publicity fund. It has
furnished an immense advertising
impetus for .Portland; it has been of
incalculable service to Oregon and the
Pacific Northwest.
Now it is proposed, for the benefit
of Portland, Oregon and. the North
west, to enlarge the activities of the
Commercial Club's promotion organ
ization, and to carry forward a sys
tematic and comprehensive construc
tive work. Portland cannot lag or
nesitate In the effort to build a great
city or in lta contribution to the wel
fare and progress of a great common
wealth. It must go forward. It will
go forward. Therefore, the Commer
cial Club's development fund is to be
larger than ever, and it is to be ex
pended under the direction of a con
servative and representative commit
tee. Portland has shown the world what
advantages lie in the one-for-all-and-all-for-one
spirit of a pushing, grow
ing, enterprising city. Its people
stand together. They know what
things must be done for the common
good, and how to do them. They will
not fall now.
UTERATTRIS AXD SCTBXCE.
President Hadley says that the first
genuine scientific instruction ever
given at Yale was by his father, who
taught ' Greek. - His method was to
make his pupils analyze verbs, dissect
the syntax of sentences and pursue the
origins of words by rigorously scien
tific processes. Of course this could
be done, and we agree with President
Hadley that it Is far better to get real
scientific training from language study
than to get false scientific training
from physics and chemistry. But it
does not seem as if that alternative
Dught to be forced upon the public.
There is no apparent reason why pu
pils should not learn their science from
the sciences, while from literature and
the languages they get something very
different. One may infer that Profes
sor Hadley's Qreek students were
trained in exact thought, and very
likely some of them became expert
philologists, but, after all, they must
have missed the essential benefit that
ought to flow from literature. They
could not fix their minds upon the
analysis of a verb and upon the beauty
of an author's thought at the same
time. Poetry and etymology cannot
live side by side in a student's brain.
Every language teacher has to.
choose between two courses. He may
be a scientist and conduct his pupils
along the path of exact thought, or he
may be a lover of literature and make
them follow him through the flowery
fields of poetry and imaginative prose.
But we ought not to expect him to do
both. Our high schools for tsje last
dozen years have chosen the scientific
aspect of language teaching. Even
English literature has been analyzed,
dissected, tortured. as Prnfnf oH.
ley used to handle his Greek verbs.
The result has been a confirmed hatred
or good reading in the mind of many a
schoolboy and college student.
Now a change is coming. We learn
from recent news reports that the ana
lytical method of teaching, is to be
. . . . i i o i c aracriiiig inm
it Is better on the whole to cultivafe
in the high school youth a taste for
literature" and let him
among books. The revolution is time
ly, literature is not science, and it is
irrational to try to cultivate the love of
it by scientific methods.
roil. THE LAND SHARK.
In providing means for protection
of newcomers from being victimised
by land speculators, the Oregon As
sociation of Bankers has taken a
most commendable step for the gen
eral good of the state. Advantage has
been taken of the general promotion
work of commercial bodies by un
scrupulous, wildcat promoters to sell
to settlers good land at exorbitant
prices and 'bad land at the price of
good land. - The good work done in
attracting settlers Is thus undone by
these speculators. Every settler who
finds that the state makes good the
statements which have induced him to
come here becomes a booster, but
every' one who falls a prey to the spec
ulators' deception becomes a knocker.
The good results of the work of our
commercial clubs are thus nullified
and become a boomerang to the state.
Even were we not Inviting people
to come to Oregon and help us to de
velop the state with a view 'to the
general good, the common obligations
we owe to the stranger without our
gates would prompt us to shield him,
in his unfamiliarity with conditions,
from the wiles of the unscrupulous.
Much more should we do so when
people are cominghere at our invita
tion, and on the strength of our state
ments as to what they will find and
the opportunities which await them.
Thousands of dollars are being spent
in promoting settlement, but the land
shark is grabbing for himself all the
benefits of this expenditure. He is
doing worse, for by his methods he is
making this expenditure work to our
injury. Every man deceived by a land
shark becomes a malcontent . and
sends to his old home warnings not
to follow him; that the statements
truthfully made by . development
bodies are false, as they indeed are of
the gold bricks the land shark has sold
him. Hence the money spent on pro
motion Is worse than wasted!
It la well then that the bankers and
commercial bodies of every com
munity should combine to furnish to
every newcomer accurate information
as to the value and character of land
that Is offered for sale. They should
regard the speculator as the worst
I . .
enemy, not only of "the new settler,
but of their own community and of
the state at large, and they should
dog his steps and foil his every sinis
ter move. New settlers will soon learn
to trust . the bankers and commercial
clubs and will direct those who come
after them to sare channels of infor
mation. By that means the state will
reap the benefit of. the work done to
promote its development.
PROFESSIONAL. HEART BREAKERS.
Great is the havoc that the polished
rascal is able to wreak " In feminine
hearts and pocketbooks by his devi
ous' wiles. That women fall into his
snares is not surprising. The cunning
rascal Is schooled in feminine -ways.
He has learned the fine art of pleas
ing. Selecting a victim, he has noth
ing else to do except press his suit, for
that is his sole and exclusive business.
Polished, educated, . well-mannered
and gentle of speech, he wins the love
and confidence of some woman of
means who has not been overwhelmed
by admirers, especially by attractive
admirers. Getting her love, he next
gets her poeketbook, then passes on
to new and greener fields. That this
particular field of criminal endeavor is
not more widely followed is due, no
doubt, to the fact that only the most
craven rascal would sink Into such de
testable business.. The burglar is far
too respectable and the average foot
pad or thug wouldn't think of such a
thing.
That a creature of this sort should
still have his feminine following after
aetection and arrest is,due to no nor
mal phase of human nature. It is the
neurotic and erotic female that throws
her morbid affections at the feet of
the red-handed murderer in his death
cell. It is the unbalanced woman who
seeks to bask in mysterious roles as
the friend of some imprisoned rascal,
especially If the rascal chances to be
an attractive individual from her point
of view.
THE BOOK AGENT AND HIS VICTIM.
When book agents fall out, we
learn how much their customers pay
for the books and how much' for be
ing Induced to buy them by the oily
tongued agent. James Plunkett and
William Y. C. Humes, of Chicago, en
gaged in a lawsuit over division of
partnership profits, called each other
"liar" and "double liar" In court and
in their wrath let out the secrets of
their trade.'
Humes admitted that he bought a
set of Byron for $600 and sold it "for
J6450 to Captain J. I. Hinckley, a re
tired railroad official who desired to
accumulate a library, but Humes
took in part payment at 31200 a set
of Byron which the captain already
had. He .also threw in some un
bound sheets of Shelley's "Prome
theus" which had cost him $160. He
sold to Miss Sue Denkman, of Rock
Island, for J4000 a collection of Sir
Walter Scott's works which he had
bought for 3525, throwing In a copy
of "The Passionate Pilgrims" which
he charged to his firm at the padded
price of 3100. .
These two illustrations show what
rich bibliomaniacs, who do not know
books, really buy. To every dollar's
worth of book, they buy nine dollars
worth of smooth talk, affable man
ners and stuff about rare editions,
binding, paper and type. Hypnotized
by the smooth agent, impressed by
his deep knowledge of all the great
editions of all the great authors, and
flattered into a pliable mood, they
swallow his bait, hook, sinker and all.
They pay dearly, in dollars which
have been toilsomely accumulated by
somebody, for the salve to their van
ity, but they get what they want and
the book agent gets what he wants,
so who should complain? If they
did not fall victims to the book agent,
they would probably buy bogus old
masters or bogus antique furniture or
bogus oriental rugs.'
After all, it is better that . they
should spend their money on such
trash than on monkey dinners and
even worse diversions. From this
standpoint, the book agent with his
exorbitant , profits serves a useful
purpose.
THE RIGHT TIME FOR ACTION.
That rampantly ' radical Roosevelt
sheet, the New York Mail, attempts to
conceal its alarm at the Republican
reorganization movement and at the
disintegration of the Progressive party
by intimating that the movement is a
return to the crossroads at which the
bolters left the party, preliminary to
a new start along the Roosevelt road.
This it calls a stern chase after the
National Progressive party. It re
proaches Senators Borah and Cum
mins and ex-Governor Hadley for
flinching when the choice came be
tween submission and resenting what
it calls fraud by bolting.
As usual with Roosevelt adherents.
the Mail misrepresents the position of.
the progressives who refused to leave
the Republican party. They made a
valiant fight for their man, but when
the decision went against them they
submitted, with a bad grace, it is true,
but they submitted. Colonel Roosevelt,
from the very announcement . of his
candidacy, was in the p'osition of a
player in a game who demands that
the rules be changed after the game
has begun. He started by demanding
election of delegates by direct primary
after the National committee, in exer.
else of its undoubted right, had an
nounced the basis of representation
and method of election In accordance
with the existing rules. He asserted
the right of an individual stare to elect
all delegates at large, though the party
rules and the convention call provided
for election by districts. He assailed
the Taft men for taking advantage of
the excessive Southern representation,
of which he himself had taken advan
tage in 1904 and 1908.
The Republicans held that, after the
call for the convention had been is
sued, it was too late on that occasion
to adopt the direct primary in every
state and to elect a whole state dele
gation at large. They held that, after
the delegates were elected, it wag too
late to talk about changing the- num
ber of Southern delegates for that oc
casion. They also held that the eve of
the convention was not the time to
take away from the National commit
tee power to pass oh contests, and that
a convention lined up between two
candidates was not in a position to de
cide whether contested delegates
should participate in the preliminary
proceedings.
A better simile than that of the
crossroads is that of swapping horses.
While the Republican party was cross
ing the stream of 1912 it refused to
swap horses that is,- change its rules.
Now that the stream has been crossed.
It is ready to consider the swap. It
has learned the impossibility of calm
Judgment on changes in the rules at a
convention which is heated by nomina.
tlons. We never hear of changes In
baseball rules or football rules while
the season is on. The governing, bod
ies of those sports meet between sea
sons to revise rules. Then the work
can be done calmly and deliberately,
uninfluenced by the effect on the for
tunes of this or that team.
The Republican party is preparing
to follow the example of the ruling
bodies of our favorite sports. The
schism of 1912 impressed upon it the
necessity of a change, and it proposes
to make the change between seasons..
The men who supported the candidate
defeated under the present rules and
Who believe that candidate was the
real choice of the party naturally take
the lead in this movement. As men
who remained loyal to the party un
der circumstances which strained their
loyalty to the utmost, their counsel
should receive most respectful atten
tion. Change In the basis of representa
tion and in the manner of electing
delegates cannot be regarded as a vic
tory for either element in the party,
for each in turn has taken advantage
of existing inequities. This p.pplies to
those who left the party last year as
well as to those who remained stead
fast. The quarrel has simply con
vinced all concerned of the necessity
of removing its cause.
M AN ENGINEER'S FAITH.
A man who describes himself as Ig
norant "of philosophy, metaphysics
and theology, old and new," gives an
account of his religious opinions in the
Yale Review for July. In spite of his
frank confession he Is by no means an
unread or a thoughtless person, as one
sees from his article. He is, in fact,
a civil engineer, and no doubt has en
joyed the usual educational advantages
of men in that calling. If he has im
proved upon, his college course by re
flection of his own, that is to his credit.
His point of view Is strictly scientific.
In other words, he believes that the
entire universe is under the rule of
cause and effect, without any excep
tions whatever. This, of course, shuts
out anything like miracles or inspired
revelations from his theory of divine
government. But it does not hinder
his acceptance of a superhuman ruler,
nor does it seem to impair his funda
mental faith In Providence. "There
are men of science today," he admits,
"who regard religion as the child of
Ignorance and superstition, the enemy
and natural antagonist, past and pres
ent, of science," and they see in the
modern minister nothing better than
a veneered medicine man surviving
from savagery.
There are others who take up the
agnostic attitude. We cannot know
anything about ultimate causes, and
therefore it is useless to bother our
heads speculating upon them. Finally,
there Is a third class who keep their
science and their religion in separate
compartments and who allow neither
of them to interfere with the other.
But our civil engineer allies himself
with none of these groups. He is a
man of science and at the same time
profoundly religious, and he experi
ences no difficulty In making his faith
and knowledge dwell together in per
fect peace. To begin with, he reminds
us that we possess the power to affect
insentient matter by our wills. How
this is done he does not undertake to
explain. Any person can take hold of
a stick of wbod and move It about.
This is undeniable. Moreover, our
wills at least seem to be free. We do
not feel under constraint when we
make our choices of action. There
may be constraint of which we know
nothing, but if there Is it makes no
difference to us. We feel free and we
act as if that feeling were valid, so we
might as well assume that we are free.
Our evangelistic engineer next ob
serves that the slightest motion we
make is propagated to the ends of the
universe. Disturb a single atom, no
matter how gently, and sooner or later
the effect will arrive at the uttermost
limits of space. Remember now that
we can, as free agents, move objects
about, and the conclusion is evident
that each human being is constantly
disturbing the entire universe by his
will. He does not disturb it a great
deal, but that is not the question. If
he had a more powerful will,' he could
stir up a greater commotion, and who
knows but there are beings whose
wills are as much more potent than
ours as ours exceed the puny volitions
of oysters? There are events happen,
lng all the time with which we have
nothing to do. We do not cause them
and we cannot hinder them. Hurri
canes, earthquakes and volcanoes are
of that order. But since we know that
some events roundabout us result from
our volition, what is to hinder our be
lieving that those which are outside
our power are within the power of
some other being? Is it not reasona
ble to conclude that everything hap
pening anywhere throughout the uni
verse is the work of some will? This
Is strictly in accord with analogy and
is no doubt the most rational theory
one can conceive. We must admit that
will does some things. The inference
lies very near that it does everything.
But how account for the Invariable
sequence of cause and effect? Our
wills are vacillating. Sometimes they
turn one way, sometimes another.
We certainly cannot predicate any
thing like eternal permanence to them.
And if everything that happens Is done
by an Almighty will, why do the same
causes always produce the same ef
fects? It would seem as if oxygen
and hydrogen ought to make water to
day and wine tomorrow. But no.
Our feeble wills vacillate because our
knowledge is limited. If we knew with
absolute certainty the consequences of
every volition, it would be as good as
impossible for us to flutter from
change to change. Why? Because
there would be no motive for flutter
ing. Perhaps our engineer here un
consciously abandons his dogma of
free will, but If he does, he Is no worse
than most theologians. Sooner or later
they contradict themselves, abandon
their premises and leave their conclu.
slons hanging in the-air. So let us
boldly on. God does know every
thing. The consequences of every vo
lition are eternally before him. He
has therefore no motive for vacilla
tion, always wills the same thing in
the same circumstances, and conse
quently we see the invariable law of
cause and effect in operation every
where. This presupposes that if the
Almighty had an adequate motive for
vacillation, he would flutter the same
as we do. In other words, his will is
as absolutely determined as ours.
What, Indeed, could freedom of the
will mean except emancipation from
the law of cause and effect? Granting
that the Almighty has liberty which
he never exercises, what better off is
he than if he had none at all?
' But leaving aside discussions of that
nature, it is interesting to contemplate
the system of thought which this
plain professional man has erected for
himself. In a way which he finds per
fectly satisfactory and with no worse
slips of logic than the greatest phil
osophers make, he has solved the fun
damental problems of the world. And
it is noteworthy that his solution Is the
one toward which modern thought is
tending. He assumes that matter is
just as real as mind, but that It is sub
ject to mind. It Is the stuff upon
which mind operates and thus arrives
at self-knowledge. Those who have
read the book by Professor Fullerton,
of Columbia, called "The World We
Live In" will be entertained to ob
serve how a professional thinker
reaches the same goal to which our
frank and simple-minded engineer
proceeds directly.
President Wilson will not have as
easy a time In getting his currency
bill through the House as he has had
with the tariff bill. There is more
divergence of opinion on that subject
and, as the dog days come on, mem
bers will become more restive and ir
ritable and will be anxious to go home.
The virus of the old silver and fiat
money heresy is still 1n the veins of
many and is likely to break out. But
the President realizes that the pres
ent no-system banking ana currency
laws afford splendid facilities for those
who may wish to discredit the Under
wood tariff by provoking a panic or
even depression in business. He is
determined to disarm these men as
far as possible and seems determined'
to keep the nose of Congress o the
grindstone until some such measure
as the Owen-Glass bill is passed. He
has shown that he can have his way
and he may have it in this case,
though the difficulties are greater
than with the tariff.
The thirteen superstition is in a bad
way. There is a systematic campaign
against it. Every person who per
formed some important act on a day
In which the number 13 figured, and
who has been blessed with good for
tune. Is proclaiming the fact with evi
dent purpose to discredit the supersti
tion. A Pittsfleld, Mass., policeman,
who says he has had practically un
broken happiness for many years,
seems to have been tangled up with
the magic number in every possible
way. On June IS he celebrated with
his wife the thirteenth anniversary of
their marriage. They were married
on Friday, the thirteenth, and the
bride's birthday was January 13. Be
fore her wedded life began the num
ber in the street on which she lived
in Ware was 13. The dreaded number
injures only those who fear it.
Unless the Progressive party makes
a better showing than it has made in
the recent party enrollment of voters
in the Eastern states, there will not
be enough of It to be worth consid
eration when the Republican Darty re
organizes. Hans Breitmann might
wen ask: "Where is dot nartv now?
In New York city, where it polled
oi.uuu votes for Governor, the enroll
ment is only about 2500. In Boston
only 834 enrolled themselves, though
25,533 voted the Progressive ticket
last Fall. In Rochester, N. Y., the
total is only a little over 500. Where
is the enthusiasm of those who made
the Chicago Coliseum ring with "On
ward. Christian Soldiers" and "We
Want Teddy?"
President Wilson's opposition to the
new raiiroaa armtratlon bill is to be
regretted. Surely the railroad of
ficials and chiefs of the railroad unions
are the best Judges of what machin
ery is best for adiustment rr th.ir
disputes and the small additional ex
pense to trie Government Is a slight
consideration by comparison with the
great public benefits to be - conferred.
The same law could be easily ex
tended to settlement of industrial dis
putes in general and becomes the
means of almost eliminating strikes.
Having retired from the Navy, Rear
Admiral Osterhaus is now free to Join
his father, General Peter J. Osterhaus.
who in his ninety-first year is living
in retirement at Duisburg, Germany.
The General was a Prussian officer
and lived In St. Louis when the Civil
War broke out. He helped General
Lyon save Missouri to the Union and
rose to high rank in the Federal army.
The two old fighters, one on sea, the
other on land, can enjoy some inter
esting discussions of warlike methods
fifty years ago and now.
The Gretna Greens of Massachu
setts are gradually being closed. That
state requires five days' notice of In
tent to marry and impatient lovers
have been going to adjoining states to
wed. Rhode Island then required five
days' notice and the elopers turned
to Connecticut, but after August 1 the
same law will be in effect in that
state. Did Washington require like
notice, Vancouver might lose its pop
ularity among Oregon lovers.
The names of Army and Navy offi
cers who, like Lieutenant BUlingsley,
sacrifice their lives in applying the art
of aviation to their country's defense,
should go on a special roll of honor.
Unlike those aviators who lose their
lives In attempting foolhardy feats,
they perform a real service to their
country and brave danger from mo
tives of patriotic duty.
By permitting anti-American dem
onstrations President Huerta, of Mex
ico, seems to be trying to coerce this
country into recognizing his govern
ment. Those may be safe tactics with
our little American government, but
some other kind of government might
be coerced to intervene and fling the
instigator of Madero's murder into the
gulf.
Massachusetts women want lower
car steps to suit their narrow skirts.
If the steps were lowered to fit the
fashions, some other change of fashion
would soon require further remodel
ing of the cars. Why not make the
fashions fit the cars?
The carman who, after receiving
hews that he has inherited a fortune,
continues his work until he gets the
money in his possession is the kind
of man who will make good use of it.
Such men. don't go off on "spending
Jags."
The Senate Committee goes the
House one better in the effort to re
duce the tariff without reducing the
revenue. If the manipulation is con
tinued much longer the income tax
will become unnecessary.
Is Aguinaldo scheming to be bought
off by the United States as he was by
the Spaniards? If so. we shall prob
ably fool him, for he Is one of the
people who don't stay bought.
If that 20-ton meteor found by a
California farmer should prove to be
pure gold, every farmer might become
a star-gazer on the lonknnt tnw
en-sent fortunes.
We take off our hats to Archdea
con Stuck, who climbed to the highest
point in American territory. He is
two kinds of sky-pilot
Scraps and Jingles
By Leone C'a.ta llaer.
There's only one nuisance worse than
a man who keeps a woman watting,
and that Is the man who seta ready
first and sits around whining for her
to hurry up.
s s
Article refers prettily to a new haby
as a new wavelet on life's ocean.
Hm-m I think a freth squall is per
haps more apt.
That philanthropist who promised
his smnll daughter $50 for the Fourth
o' July, provided she raised a similar
amount Is carrying business methods a
little too far.
a a
Anna Belle wants to know why it Is
that tall women always marry short
men. I dunno, unless its because short
men can't run very fast.
Prosperous cllmbrs or :.e luaaer err
success Invariably say that it is made
up of broken rungs. They do it SO
that others won't try to crawl up too
Many a man who has a reputation as
a "quiet dresser" can be heard ten
blocks howling over a lost collar but
ton or a misplaced tie.
"Rock of Gibraltar has 75 miles of
tunnels," reads an article. Funny then
that we never read "the happy couple
have gone to Gibraltar on a honey
tour."
Woman in police court told the Judge
she was on calling terms with her
neighbor. Said she called the neighbor
names, and the neighbor called her no
lady.
I know more about a certain woman
than she does herself because I know
she Isn't pretty and she doesn't.
Woman writes to say she has written
a little play she Intends for a curtain
raiser, and asks for a title. Lets see.
why not call it "The Shavings of the
Barber."
Lines on a Dead Horse.
By a Veterinary Doctor.
RIeid are Dobbin's muscles.
Concealed cold his chyle.
No more In hauling milk carts
Will he excite his bile.
Dry is his epidermis
His veins no longer bleed.
And the communis vermis
t'pon old Dobbin feed.
Drawn is his mouth and mournful
T hat turned at touch of rein.
Only a taxidermist
"an make him stand again.
Dried are his sweet corpuscles.
Quiet his liver and head.
Still In his epiglottis
Yes 1 thlnlt old Dobbin's dead.
s
Funny, each time we read of Queen
Victoria of Spain adding another heir,
we all begin to count on our fingers,
"Lets 6ee, she was married six years
ago. One, two, three," etc.
A bylaw in the English constitution
forbids the entry of children under
8 years to lectures and museums. Un
fortunately we have no such protection
for our little ones.
It must be an awful disappoint
ment to parents' hearts to find their
children getting too big to afford ex
cuses for going to the circus.
I heard of an artist who rubbed a
bit of fresh meat around a rabbit in a
painting and when the pet dog of his
customer smelted of It she promptly
bought the picture.
Would you apeak of a man who sews
on his own buttons as mending
slowly?
The 1913 girl prefers an heir in a
castle to a castle In the air.
I know a girl so proper and prim
she won't accompany a man on the
piano unless they're chaperoned.
e
I read so much about silent heroes.
around Memorial time. Mv idea of
silent heroes Is married men.
No, Theodosia, Rome was not founded
by Romeo. But Juliet was found dead
by Romeo.
e
New line for geography The earth is
divided by earthquakes.
When folks ask you how on earth
you can enjoy grand opera without
knowing what it's all about, ask 'em
if they can't enjoy meat pie without
being acquainted with its ingredients.
The Spankless Era
By Dean Collins.
A mother in an Eastern state.
Spanking her s"n as sons require
Knocked o'er a stove, so they relate.
Starting a million-dollar fire.
The moral plain must then remain
r or spanking mothers everyone:
"From spanking of tl'.y son refrain,
Lest It may cause a costly tire. '
And here, within a local court.
The judge Informs one George McCoy
He must not hamper childish sport
By cuffing a trespassing boy.
The moral clear doth then appear.
For everyone who reads to see;
"You must not box the boyish ear
Of him who robs your cherry tree."
Hail to the bright millenial day
Tliat comeB to baffle aged cranks.
When boyhood shall be saved alway
From fear of scoldings, cuffs and
spanks.
And gay and free as breezes be
That blow wherever they may list.
Live his young life filled full of glee.
A glad, unhampered anarchist.
L'ENVOI
I see the dawning day arise
Of happiness Tor sons of men.
And in mv reminiscent mv-ak
The tears from ancient spanking rise
In this bright age when spanking dies.
Oh, would I were a boy again.
Starting: Iaitita In Conversation.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"I ain't out. I beat the ball by a
foot."
"Lemme tell vuh what that kid UT
mine done this morning."
"Did the Reds lose again?
"When I was abroad last Summer."
"Fine weather, ain't it?"
Lots of room up in tront.
"That darn gas bill gets bigeer every
month."
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Om
blomph." "I ain't bragging about myself,
but "
"Will you have another?"
One Viennf Wawtatnirton.
Chicago Record-Herald.
"When we were in Boston." said Mrs.
Twickembury, "we visited the Public
Garden and saw that splendid pedes
trian statue of Washington on horse
back." Beginning In Golf.
London Punch.
Sympathetic Voice (in the distance)
How are you getting on. old man?
Sanguine Beginner First rate. Just
made three perfect putts on the last
green.
4