GRIDIROflEBS HOLD
It!
MOCK
AUGURAL
Mi Bad Club' and Suffragettes
Among Those Who Ap
pear in Parade.
BRYAN IS WHOLE CABINET
As Secretary of Xarjr, Commoner
Favors 'o Jloro Battleships TTn
til Lincoln Becomes Seaport.
Taft and Wilson Honored.
WASHINGTON. Feb. 2. President
elect Wilson. President Taft. Theodore
Roosevelt. William Jennings Bryan,
Kip Van Winkle and a lot of other
notables were portrayed to the Grid
Iron Club and Its guests tonight at the
annual Winter dinner, when men of
National size sat at the banquet board
and saw themselves frolicking about
to their own amusement.
The dinner took the form of one
graceful tribute to President Taft and
another to President-elect Wilson. The
club began by having an Inauguration
of Its own president, Rudolph Kauff
mann, of the Washington Evening Star.
Ills Inauguration procession, which
marched Into the banquet hall to the
blare of a band, consisted of a de
tachment of the New Jersey National
Guard, a club of Princeton professors,
Of contingent of Southern Colonels hur
" tf TOhing for the "solid. South," "places
for veterans." etc; the "Wanta Eta Pie
Frat" of college boys: Tammany's
phalanx: the "In Bad Club," including
i George W. Harvey. Henry Watterson,
" August Belmont and Thomas F. Ryan,
and finally a . squad of suffragettes,
shrieking "Votes for Women."
Elements Lacking; In Parade.
When the din had partially sub
aided, it was announced in behalf of
President Kauffman that he did not
think much of the parade, as there
twere some things missing.
"Where," he asked, "was the Champ
lark Houn" Dog Club?"
"Went broke at Baltimore," was the
explanation.
"Where's the Underwood Protection
Fhalanx?"
"Pulled off the train by Bill Bryan
and slapped into steel shackles," was
tho answer. "While the 'Harmon Ohio
Buckeyes" were being entertained at
French Lick Springs at Tom Taggart's
expense."
Such as it was, the new President
was obliged to be content with his
Inauguration, and received the xacred
emblem of office, the golden gridiron,
with the statement that this being an
era of economy and reform, neither
salary nor traveling expenses would
be allowed him.
Neophytes Are Initialed.
Hardly had the guests turned again
to their terrapin when entrance was
demanded and achieved by the Sigma
Pt-Pl-Sigma fraternity of the Yale law
school, which Insisted in initiating two
new members Into the club. The dinner
was suspended for the ceremony. The
neophytes were: "Mr. William, of Cin
cinnati," and "Mr. Theodore, of Oyster
Bay." to be known in the order respec
tively as "Brother BUI," and "Brother
Teddy." -
A discord in the band was explained
by the inability of the neophytes to
agree on a marching tune, one demand
ing the only tune he knew, "A Hot
Time in the Old Town Tonight," and
the other wanting Keller's "Hymn of
Peace."
The "grand panjandrum" explained
that "S-P-P-S" meant "Stand Pat Pro
gressive Society." The symbol of the
ballot box with a coffin and scholar's
cap below it, meant "the ballot box is
the one peaceful bludgeon in the hands
of the people. He who is stricken by
It may either crawl into his political
coffin and die at once, or prolong life
a little by going to teach at a uni
versi ty."
Time-Honored Goat Han Substitute.
A nondescript, double-ended animal,
with a moosehead at one end and an ele
phant's head at the other, replaced the
time-honored goat, that both candidates
should be able to ride at once. When
It broke down under their combined
weight, Theodore defiantly declared
that, though he "couldn't run this darn
thing, by Godfrey, I smashed it." while
William backed himself against the
world for a "good loser."
In the struggle, the wigs and false
mustaches. Incoming displaced, re
vealed the features of the two new
candidates for admission to the club,
John K. Monk, of the St. Paul Dispatch,
and John P. Gavit. of the New l'ork
Evening Post.
Next President-elect .Wilson was dis
covered conducting his first Cabinet
council on the lines of a faculty meet
ing and calling upon a member for his
"thesis." It soon appeared that'all the
Cabinet officers, from the Secretary of
State to the Attorney-General, bore the
features of William J. Bryan. There
were nine in all around the Cabinet
board.
Cabinet All Present.
"Where Is my Cabinet?" queried the
President.
"He will soon be here." replied his
secretary.
"He? You mean they. For that er-.
ror of grammar you will translate five
extra pages of Homer," retorted Mr.
Wilson.
Reminded that he had never before
attended a Cabinet meeting. Secretary
of State Bryan admitted that he had
not. but added: "I have made three at
tempts at it. Secretary of the Treas
ury Bryan declared he had not had a
financial idea since 1S96. Secretary
of War Bryan declared ho was not
Mr. Wilson's Secretary of War, but his
own secretary; that he was not in Mr.
Wilson's Cabinet, but was his Cab
inet. Secretary of the Navy Bryan
favored no more battleships until Lin
coln. Nebraska, became a seaport. Attorney-General
Bryan, residuary lega
tee of 400 incompleted t-ust prosecu
tions, declared his trust policy to be
to bust those we can't trust, and trust
those we can't bust." and explained
that when a trust was re-organired,
"the small stockholders lost theirs
quicker."
Wilson Message Makes Trouble.
The real trouble began when Presi
dent Wilson undertook to frame his
message, as the Bryan Cabinet insisted
on relieving him. Many good topics
were declared to be reserved for four
years, such as Philippine independence.
Government ownership of teleprapbs,
penny postage, etc. But the Cabinet
agreed that for tho present considera
tion it might take up the protection of
the fur seal, the abolition of the "Tur
key Trot" at Inaugural balls, civil serv
ice reform and the "rule of the people."
As the Cabinet meeting broke up. eack
member left in the President's hand a
littl memorandum to this effect:
"The thing to bear down on hard is
one four-year term for the President
of the United Slates."
Miss Democracy came to the dinner
In search of a mascot, which afforded
the musical members of the Gridiron
Club an opportunity to revive the comic
opera of that name as a vehicle for a
parody on the political situation.
Thomas Jefferson's shade returning to
The
Importance
of saving your money and
transacting your business
through a bank you well
understand.
Let us impress you with
the fact that we want
your patronage and will
appreciate it.
Check accounts in any
amount convenient to you.
Savings accounts $1 up.
In our new and larger
quarters at Park and Mor
rison streets on Feb.' 24.
COMMERCE
TRUST k SAYINGS
BAKK'
Formerly Merchants' Sav
ings & Trust Co.
II, w. Fear, President
le A. Johnson, Vice-Pres.
O. C. Bortsmeyer, Cashier.
YV. H. Brown, Asst. Cashier.
Open Sat. Evening 6 to 8.
earth to ascertain how the party which
he fathered had improved undertook
to assist the maid in her search, and
the result was a flood'of mascots.
First came Miss Tariff Reform with
a toy sheep, described by Jefferson as
"Schedule K. which, tnougn just now a
lamb, soon would be made a goat.
Sang Miss Tariff:
I fe quite positive
That before I'm reduced.
Someone with taste expensive
Will mark mo for a boost.
Other mascots came In order. There
were "Miss Filipino Independence,"
"Miss Investigation," who believed the
Nation needed watching; "Initiative,"
and "Miss Riff-Rafferendum," who
thought "things right sideup at pres
ent should be turned upside down."
Last and most impressive was "Pro
fessor Higher Education" on a tri
cycle, who with Miss Democracy sang
the famous "Gobble Song, tne retrain
running: "Office." Office," "Office."
An entertaining feature of the din
ner was a reproduction of "Statuary
Hall," which disclosed, through the
agency of a loud-voiced lecturer, such
plastic treasures as ex-Senator Ballay,
Representative James, of Kentucky;
William J Bryan and others.
An incident to the drinking of the
single toast to the President of -the
United States was the bestowal upon
President Taft of the large gold grid
iron bearing the inscription, "To Wil
liam Howard Taft, President of the
United States, as a token of friendship
from the Gridiron Club of Washing
ton, February 1. 1913."
STRIKE COSTS $750,000
Audit of United Mineworkers Books
Reveals "Keller' Expense.
INDIANAPOLIS, Feb. L Almost 76,
000 was spent for strike relief work
bv the United Mine Workers of Amer
ica during the year ended December 1,
1912, according to. the report of the
(n.amotlnmol nurtltlner committee, which
was completed today. Most of this
went into West Virginia.
The total expenditures Incurred dur
ing the year amounted to $1,108,991.49,
of which J269.036.35 was for salaries.
The balance on hand on December 1
was $221,262.05.
$100,000 Left to Seattle Man.
ST. PAUL. Feb. 1. Augusta Endi
cott. of Colorado Springs, and Lawrence
Endicott, of Seattle, receive bequests of
1100.000 each in the will of Henry Endi
cott, of Weston. Mass., tuea nere toaay
by his widow, Mary H. Endicott.
FOB
GR1P&CQLDS
La Grippe, Grippe. Grip, Influenza,
or a bard, stubborn or obstinate Cold
that hangs on, or by whatever name
it may be called, is broken up by Dr.
Humphreys' "Seventy-seven."
Don't wait till your bones begin to
ache, take "Seventy-seven" at the
first feeling of lassitude and escape
the pains and soreness of the Head,
Back and Chest, Cough, Sore Throat,
General Frostratioii and Fever, or it
may take longer to break it up.
It pays to keep "Seventy-seven
handy; it is a small vial of pleasant
pellets; fits the vest pocket. At yonr
Druggist, 25c, or mailed.
Humohws Homed. Medicine Co., 136
William St., New Tork. Advertisement.
Had Nights Sweats and
Stubborn Cold NowWell
Did you ever have a cold that would cot
let go ; & cough that persisted, that pre
vented sleep and made waking hours mis
erable? Eck man's Alterative Is the proper
remedy in such cases. Perhaps some sim
ple medicine may be effective when It is
only a tickling in the throat; but -when your
chest is sore and simple remedies don't
answer then take Kckraan'i Aieratlve.
Neglect often leads to more serious trouble;
a case in po;m ioiiows;
71S Cherry St.. Phlla., Pa,
-Gentlemen: In July. 1905, I first noticed
the conditions that showed I had Consump
tion. I lost weight rapidly; bad a hollow
cough, hemorrrhages aud very severe night
sweats. My Dromer retoniineaaea CiCK'
mnn-a Alterative. In the Fall of 1905. I be
gan to take it. At this time I am perfectly
wu and robust. My appetite is good and
my weight has increased from 110 to 140
mains. I will gladly express the merits of
this medicine to anyone.
(Signed) M. I GERHARDT,
vcvmin'i Alterative Is effective in Bron
chltis. Asthma. Hay Fever. Throat and Lung
Troubles and in upbuilding the system. Does
not contain poisons, upimem or naou-iurm-in
drua, 'or saie by The Owl Drug Co..
and other leading druggists. Ak for book
let telling; or rewvnif -"u wtro w dc
man Laboratory. Philadelphia, Fa., for ad
ditional evidence.
-.- -i j -a . i j tmi,i Samo Tta-o TC-xraess Packages Prepaid "Within 100 Miles of Portland
ju.a.11 uraera iri-wupuy -- 1 " - jrr . 7
Parcel Post Packages Prepaid to AUFoints Where the Charges Do Not Exceed 5 Per Cent of Purchase Amount
In Men's Section
$1.50 Heavy Wool Shirts d- in
and Drawers .? 1
$1.50 Buff Wool Shirts d1 9G
and Drawers P 1
$2.00 Heavy All Wool tf - OQ
Shirts and "Drawers px.JZr
75c Xegligee Shirts, all colors CC
and sizes
Pac. Phone Marshall 5080, Home A 2112
Store Opens 8:30 A. M. Closes 5;30P.M.
In Men's Section
...79c
$2.25
.39c
55c
$1.00 Peniberton Flannel
Custom Shirts at
$2.75 Navy Blue Double-
Breasted Shirts at
50c Men's and Boys'
Flannel Gowns
75c Men's and Boys'
Flannel Gowns
Great Eebraary Slashin
Of oi iir
rices
On the Most Wanted Merohandise-A "jCleanup" Sale of All
Broken Lines, Remnants and Odds and Ends in All Sections
FEBRUARY, by the calendar, is the "clean-up" month in this store; but judged by the prices, it
is the carnival month of the whole year for bargain-giving. Standing as we do midway twixt
the seasons, nothing will stimulate your appetite to buy quite so forcibly as sharply cut prices and
that is the quick-business tonic we offer now. Nothing has been reserved for its intrinsic worth
every department is embraced in the sale even the new Spring goods are temptingly low priced.
It is a sale that few women can afford to miss.
Women's
Wool Union
Suits, a Sale
Perfect-Fitting, High
Grade Garments, Winter
styles, sizes 4 to 6; best $3
grade, priced d0 1 Q
the suit pA.l7
Women who appreciate
Fine Underclothes will
find most i n t e r e s ting
choosing in our large as
sortments of Knit Under
wear. Especially attrac
tive are the offerings for
tomorrow. ' Women's Fine
Wool Union Suits of sea
sonable weight, shown in
the high-neck, long-sleeve
styles, in ankle length,
and in all sizes, 4 to 6.
They are perfect-fitting,
neatly finished garments
in gray and in white, that
were bought to sell regu
larly at $3.00 a suit. Un
derpricedfor .JO 1 Q
this saleat....Pi7
Great Sale of This Season' s
Most Choice Silks
Novelty Silks, Broken Lines in Embroidered Weaves,
Printed Warps, Rich Persian Patterns, Pompadour
Fancies, Striped Stylea, Etc.; 75c, 85c, $1 Qualities at
See Our Morrison Street Window Display Today, and Be Here Tomorrow
When Our Doors Open at 8:30
Here is a specially underpriced collection of Beautiful Novelty Silks over
which we've been' working the past few days. Many of the patterns are ex
clusive Avith us. The color range is as fine as the qualities are reliable and
vou'll be surprised, too, when you see how beautiful they really are. The
assortment includes all wanted weaves in a splendid variety of neat and at
tractive colorings. You have choice from 20 to 27-in. Novelty Embroidered
Weaves Printed Warp Fancies, Rich Persian Novelties, Beautiful New Pom
padours, Novelty Satin Plaids, Fancy Pin and Pekin Stripes, Jacquard Nov
elties, and an endless variety of Foulard Silks. Come and profit CQr
by an early selection; choose from 75c, 85c and $1 Silks at, yard
All Short Lengths and Remnants Woolen Dress Goods at Sharp Reductions
Here's about the best-value news we've printed from this section this season.
It tells of sharp reductions on all short lengths and remnants, offering them
to 3-0U below present mill cost. Included are Serges, Novelty Worsteds, Dress
Flannels, Broadcloths, Waistings, Cashmeres, Heavy Coatings, Scotch Mix
tures, etc., all widths, all lengths, all colors, at all prices, at sharp reductions.
Boys,' Girls'
Fine Cotton
Stockings
Guaranteed stainless, with
reinforced heel and toe.
Best 20c grade n
at, the pair
Parents should not over
look this saving opportu
nity to supply the Chil
dren's Hosier'' needs, for
it is seldom that such val
ues are offered, even at
this store. This offering
includes Boys' Jleavy Cot
ton Stockings, made with
reinforced heel and toe,
and Girls' Medium-weight
Cotton Hose with three
thread heel and toe. Stock
ings that are guaranteed
stainless. Supply your
needs now at this sale. All
sizes, 5 to 10, and the best
20c grade, priced Iff
this sale 1 W
After-Inventory Sale
Women's Coats, Suits
An opportune time to pur
chase these handsome, styl
ish garments at a great sav
ing. This season's models
shown in plain colors and
mixtures and tailored in a
superior manner. Regular
values to $19.50, tomorrow. .
Think of it! High-grade, fine-tailored garments
strictly man tailored, and only Five Dollars to pay.
The Suits are those handsome mixtures we have been
showing, all high grade, fine quality and good colors.
The coats come in a wonderful assortment of desir
able styles handsomely made of excellent quality
broadcloth, chinchilla, zibeline and mixtures. Gar
ments that sell as high as $19.50 each, ! ff
priced for this sale .PJvU
Great Cleanup Sale
Women's Silk Waists
Beautiful Models of Good Q QQ
Silk, Regular to $7.50 at
You are sure to be pleased with this most wonderful
lot of Women's Waists. They are stylish models of
pretty messaline, charmeuse, taffeta and wash silks
and are shown in many pleasing colors. Dainty and
serviceable. Waists that sell as high d0 QO
as $7.50, very special at , pUUKJ
Great After-Inventory Sale
of Remnants at Half Price
Broken Lines and Odd Pieces of Table Linens, Toweling, White Goods, Sheet
ing, Muslins, Ginghams, Percales, Outing Flannels, Etc.
The timeliness of this great sale of Domestic Goods should be quite as welcome
as the magnetic values, which presents unique possibilities to thrifty house
wives, hotels, rooming-houses and institutions. We can only hint . at the values,
as lots and assortments are too numerous to describe in limited space.
Half Price, For Remnants of Curtain
Materials and Wash Goods
Unlimited choice from a wonderful lot of Remnants at one-half regular remnant
prices The assortment includes Wash Goods of most every description suit
able for most any purpose; also Curtain Materials- such as Plain and Dotted
Scrims, Cross-Bar and Striped Madras, Silkolines, Swisses, Cretonne, etc. All
are this season's goods and you have choice of all colors, widths and lengths at
One-Half Regular Remnant Prices.
They come 16 by 32 inches and in plain
white, or with fast colored borders.
8 Instead of 10c Over 2500 yards of
18-inch White Crash, shown with fast
colored red border. It is very absorb
ent and durable.
98 Instead of $1.25 A brand-new
line of White Bedspreads, full size for
double beds. They come in a large va
riety of neat patterns.
15? Instead of 25c A fine lot of Mo
hair Finished Suitings in a large vari
ety of styles in neat checks, stripes and
plaids.
9$ Instead of 15c A great lot of Ve
lour Flannels, shown in medium and
dark colorings, in styles most suited
for kimonos and house dresses.
6 Instead of 9c About 500 dozen
Huck Towels, of good size and quality.
Best 121oc Pillow Slips, 42 by 36 inches, now each 10g
Best 15c Pillow Slips, 42 by 36 inches, now each . ., 1-4?
Best 50c Sheets, 72 by 90 inches, now each
t?o firt KViooa rf pvvp size. triced now. each .54o
Extra Heavy Bedspreads, best $1.7j grade, now ,. ,l.4S
Odds and Ends and Broken Lines
In the Men' s Section
At Worth-While Price Reductions
Here is a sale of the greatest importance to every man who may be
in need of any of the following items. The most seasonable goods
of standard qualities are offered at bona-fide reductions from our
usual low selling prices.
Men's Underwear "
50c Cotton Fleeced Shirts and Drawers 39
$1.00 Gray Wool Shirts and Drawers ... .v.. . .7iJ
$1.25 Gray Wool Shirts and Drawers - C
$1.50 Cooper's Worsted Shirts and Drawers .$1.15
Men's 20c Gray Wool Socks, now 12549
Boys' Hose, Best 20c Kind 12 V2C
We have a fine line of Boys' Medium-Weight Cotton Hose for
tnmnrmw that should not.be overlooked. They are fast black,
are absolutely stainless, and come with triple knee and -1 Oljp
toe. All sizes 5 to 9M and regular 20c values, sp'l at I
Big Reductions Women's
and Children's Shoes
Invoicing brought to the front a great many odds and ends in
Women's and Children's Shoes that had accumulated during the
busy season. These include the best quality Shoes, but we must
sacrifice them in order to make room for our regular Spring
lines. Do not fail to visit our bargain department. Here are a
few of the specials:
Women's High Grade Patent and Gunmetal Oxfords QQn
that are regular $3.50 values, special , ,.UJ
Broken lines in "Grover's Comfort" Shoes, 99c
regular $2.50 values, special at
House Shoes of all kinds and sizes. Q9c
Regular $2.00 values, special at
Children's Jockey Boots, shown in all sizes Q9c
to 8. Regular $1.50 values, special JJ
Children's Every-Day Shoes, shown in button fiQp
and lace, sizes to 8, $1.00 values yjJS