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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 4, 1912)
4 &( fA j4l Fat Ruler of Rocky Balkan Kingdom Pairs the Pen and Sword as Fit Weapons for Soldier . TYf 4: Dispenses Justice and Writes Poems. Under a Fig Tree Like an Eastern ft t HI 7 t V CJ-trm S7JS3CO- fn2S0 BT S. B. HEMPHILL. CETTIGXE. Aur. S. Fat Czar Nicho las, of Montenegro, aged "1. lately sprained his ankle and lay three days under a fis tree in the Dvorska Ullca. and scrawled mysterious sym . . bols. Under this tig tree Nicholas some Terse Tales From J VST A LITTLE FARTHER OX. After North Carolina voted to be a "dry" state. Its citizens became very suspicious of strangers. One day a commercial traveler went up to an old negro In a little town In the eastern part of the state and said to him: "Say. uncle. If you will lead me to some place where I can get a drink, I'll give you two dollars." The old darky looked him over carefully, accepted the two plunks, and said. "All right, boss; jest toiler me." He led the thirsty one through the town, on through the suburbs, into the country, and then started due west. After they had traversed about five miles In silence and still nothing In sight, the man asked: "Look here. Mose! Wnere are we go ing after this drink?" -We's gwlne ovah into Kentucky, boss: we can"t git nuthln in this state." Judge. BT WORD OF MOITH. A woman In one of the wards In a Rhode Island hospital was Informed she had appendicitis and would have to be operated on at once. Much frightened, ine reluctantly consented and was conveyed to the operating room. One pt the. doctors had com Under this fig tree Nicholas some- Macedonia, w " -mr- r dte A '35? t. ft 11 times administers, or, as Montenegrins say, "inflicts" Justice. "When a moun taineer, heautifuly dressed in knives and revolvers, came to Nicholas and asked for justice, Nicholas lost his temper. The mountaineer demanded that a next-door neighbor should be hanged for stealing his pipe, which pe tition Nicholas rejected, not because hanging is too severe, but because, said he, "I am writing a poem." This reply astonished the brave Montenegrin, who believed that real poetry was never written down. A real poem Is learnt by heart and chanted by a bearded, bard to the deafening music of the gusla, to the clashing of pataghans and swords and to the ex plosion of precious gunpowder. But now Nicholas is not only writing a poem; he Is preparing a complete edition of all his poems In the Servian language. It will bo printed at Agram and read throughout the vast territory in which the Servians live: In Montene gro itself (when anyone can read), in Macedonia to the south, as far east as Humorous Pens menced to administer the ether and her eyes were closing languidly, when he discovered he had forgotten to In quire if she had false teeth. He quickly removed the rubber cap, and shaking her slightly, he said: "Have you any thing loose In your mouth?" Then, as he made a move to put his hand in her mouth, she opened her eyes wildly and exclaimed: "Nothing but by tongue, doctor, and, for God's sake, don't cut that out, too!" National Monthly. WHEN HE REACHES THE GATE. Captain T. S. Bouleware Is telling this one to his friends: "Saint Peter, so the story goes, was standing at the Golden Gate when a man stopped In front of the gate and asked to enter. St. Peter asked, "Who are you and what did you do? The man answered, 1 am Christopher Co lumbus, and I discovered America. He was allowed to enter. "Again a man stopped In front of the gate. St. Peter asked him the same question: "Who are you. and what did you do?" and the man answered, "I am George Washington, the father of my country.' He likewlse-was allowed to enter. "Then there was a terrible commotion outside the gate, shouting such as cow boys give Tent to, and the clatter of .v. .. "ViAksx" of Monteneero were mas- ana carryms . , 4 cadi ivou? rrepares a Servian Edition of All His Verses. 3 Af'X.TSJ 3 i Fr?-A-y i!1 1 Roumania and as far north as Styria. For the Serbs are Europe's most scat tered race, outnumbering the Hunga rians and many other nations that cut a figure in the world. Fat old Nicholas Is a genuine poet His verse Is full of the primitive, he roic, epic spirit. Compared with It the effusions of his royal neighbor. Carmen Sylva, are the thinnest of skim milk. The old man comes of a stock which always split Ink as fast as blood. Nearly all the Peters, Danllos, MirWbs and Hado Tomos who preceded him as 'Vladikas" of Montenegro were mas horses' soofs. along with the sound of "Whoa," and a breathless horse stopped In front of the gate. "St. Peter asked the man on the horse, "Who are you, and what did you do?" and the man replied: "It's none of your blamed business! You go and tell the boss that Roosevelt is here.' " Kansas City Star. LOOKING TO THE FUTURE. The husband and wife were making a call on friends one evening. The wife was talking. "I think we shall have Marian take a domestic science course along with her music and regular stud ies when at college." "Ah," said a man present, who had been a stranger until that evening, "you look rather young to have a daughter ready for college." "Oh!" said the mother, naively, '"she Isn't old enough now; she Is Just 8 months old, but I do so like to look forward. Indianapolis News. A WOMAN CARELESS OF AGE. A woman testifying in court at Milan, Italy, when asked her age, replied: "Oh, between SS and 60." "There's some difference," said the president ironically. "Don't you know your own age?" "Excellency," replied the witness, "I count exactly my money, my wash-list and my clothes, because someone might rob me of them. But as no one can steal from me a year or even a day, I do not bother to reckon them."- Lon don Chronicle? to m 5k ters of the goose-quill. His great uncle, Peter II, was the best of Servian poets and also a tolerable warrior, for he wrote his first ode on a mud wall In Rjeka with the blood of a butchered Turk. Fat old Nicholas maintains the he roic strain. Poetry and war, he holds, are but branches of the same sovereign profession. You can even combine the two: for when Nicholas was busy be sieging Nlksic, In 1870, he spent part of the day writing songs about the de fending Turks. He agrees with Homer that slaying and plundering enemies and carrying oft beautiful maids are Quips and Flings Mrs. Muchblest I feel uneasy. The baby hasn't cried all day. Mr. Muchblest So do I. He will probably cry all night. Boston Adver tiser. "Dat feller R.-tus Skinner done bin talkin' a powahful lot 'bout how he's a-raisin' chickens." ' "Sho! He doan mean 'raisin'; he means 'Ilftin'." Catholic Standard. Mrs. Gotham Don't you think those doughnuts are an ' Improvements on the last ones I made? jlr. Gotham Oh, yes, dear; the holes are larger. Los Angeles Herald. "See that fine place down there? That's the property of a colleague of yours. Dr. Bistouri." "Fine! That represent 60 appendi citises and 40 cancers." Pele Mele. . Bacon They say that radishes con tain a great deal of Iron. Ebgert Perhaps that i the reason those in my garden don't get up any higher carrying too much weight Yonkers Statesman. Conjurer Now, sir, you admit that the card that you have just taken out of the handkerchief Is the queen of clubs, yet the card you chose and se curely tied there, namely the ace of f1 Hi Jr. t f-C5e ? use fbr tne fit recreations of a poet, and the fit recreation of a warrior is the cele bration of his own exploits. Nicholas' muse Is limited in Bcope. In fact he rejects all the muses except Calliope, Clio and Terpsichore, who stand respectively for the epic, history and the dance. Terpsichore is toler ated by rough Nicholas because a war rior has a right to dance on his ene mies' graves. Nicholas has composed some lively "kolas," or round dances, for men and maids. For such a swashbuckling sovereign he Is tolerant of women; Indeed, his best political poem, "Balkanska Carica." the "Em press of the Balkans," is dedicated to Montenegro's fair. If there were a muse of drink she also would.be per mitted, for the warrior-king has writ ten tolerable drinking songs, with ad mirable precepts. One is that y lie there are Turks in, sight you should keep warily sober, but that when you have cut oft the heads of a dozen Turks and bagged their weapons and money, you have a right to drink to their shades. Pursuing this" line of thought, he bursts out again: Drink! drink, and rou'U M ound and jolly: Drink, brave landamen. for in win I red blood; and when thou drinket If enough the world 1 thine! Nicholas is a newspaper man. He spades.- I now produce from this hat. Timid Volunteer So sorry my mis take Punch. - "How long did your honeymoon last?" "Until the first day I asked George for money. I think." Detroit Free Press. "We call that girl Juarez." "Why?" "She's been captured six times already this season." Pittsburg Posf- Knlcker All three candidates who ask your support are college men. Bocker Just what my boy has been doing four' years. New York Sun. Miss Vocolo I'm never happy unless I'm breaking Into song. Bright Young Man Why don't you get the key and you won't have to break In? New Or leans Times-Democrat. The witches were making the broth. "I suppose one cook is going, one stay ing, and one coming!" cried Macbeth. Three at once was beyond 'his compre hension. Judge. "How frightfully you snored last night!" "Yes; It Is Inherited." "From your parents?" "No; from my grand father, who ran a steam sawmill." Fllegende Blaetter. "The prayers delivered at the great conventlone have been beautiful." "Yes," replied the delegate. "I am pleased to observe that our nation Is progressing in religious Ideals. The prayers were the only utterances that met with unanimous approval.'? Wash ington, D. C, Star? lW'5 QU- runs a poetical Journal named "The Dove,"-whieh was founded by his poeti cal cut-throat ancestor, Peter II. In this Nicholas printed his first poem, "Vukassln," which describes an Incident in the fall of the medieval Servian em pire. There, too, he p'rinted his "O namo, o namo!" a political confession, which has risen to be the national song of the Pan-Servians in Montenegro, Ser vla, Turkey and Austria. Turks, pashas, "bussermans" and pa dlshas are the objective of Nicholas' best poems. They inspire many dainty and sonorous lines, such as "Drink ye blood from the black Turk's Bkull," "When 60 Moslems fell from Vuka's hand"; "Our emerald valley's blossom red; It is the blood the Turk has shed"; "the glorious slaughter of the Moslem captives," and so on. Like Homer and other true epic poets, Nicholas ignores the moral con ventions of war. He exalts equally Montenegrins who have died for their country, and Montenegrins who have merely tortured Turks, butchered them In their sleep or dropped poison into their drink. The Hague convention plays but a small role in the poetry of Cettlgne. There is a touching Mon tenegrin poem describing Holy Night, 170J, when the brave hillmen rose and butchered in cold blood thousands of defenseless Turks. When you read Nicholas' verses you conclude that a hero needs only two qualifications first, he should be superhumanly cour ageous and, secondly, he should be en dowed with a fine equipment of ras cality. Cettigne affirms that Nicholas is much alarmed by the decline of poet ical talents in the Petrovich-Niegoeh family. His eight children have done well for themselves; married kings and grand-duchesses; but they have Among the Poets THE THOROUGHFARE. The aspect of the thoroughfare by day Is ever changing. Look! you now may see A group of men conversing earnest ly A line of wagons moving on their way A gathering of maidens in a gay And airy flutter matrons, who may be Long used to an enforced economy. On yon shop goods their studious fin gers lay; But all those objects vanish; others take Their places, and so fill the thorough fare They changekat once its aspect to your eye. Ah! they are like those transient thoughts that make So different the aspect life doth bear, And come and go you know not how or why. Boston Transcript. A HELLO SONG. From sources almost sumless The day's well-being springs. Kind words are such a comfort, A smile such solace brings. The courtesy of strangers. The fealty of friends,! V no more poetry in their pens than ihey have Turkish blood on their swords. The heir. Prince Danilo, Is an Intelli gent, good-looking South-Slav who resembles a Boldier in Shaw's "Arms and the Man." But in literary matters, he Is uninspired and burly papa's ef forts to drive him into song have failed. Some of the other children have written verse, but It is homely verse, worse by far than the verse of Nicholas, and very much worse than the verse of Teter IL So Nicholas feels as sad as a melodious thrush that has reared a nestful of squawking sparrows. This matter has a political end to . The old man is firmly convinced that verse and butchery are indissoluble twins. He dreads what may happen when unpoetical Danilo and Mirko meet the terrible Turk in fight. If Apollo, he reasons, has not given them the gift of sang, perhaps Mars, the god of war, will also pass them by. Nicholas is so sure of this that when he hears of a Montenegrin youth who has been chanting imaginary victories over the Turks, he sends for him and makes a soldier of him. The quality of his verse is unimportant, so long as hl remarks about the Turks show ade quate heat. Yet this adipose literary prince has a real warrior's chivalry. He is a knight and a gentleman. He hates the Turks as Turks; but as warriors and blood-lovers he welcomes them, and he Is grateful to them for supply ing the potentialities of combat. That explains many queer Inconsistencies in his verse. On one page he extols massacre and treachery against the Turk; on the next he writes poetical praise of Sulei man Pasha, with whom he crossed swords In 1878. Then a little further on Is a touching poem, "Tho Lament of Osman Pasha," which describes the Turkish defense of Plevna against a Russian army live-times as stronr . With this brave spirit in him, Nich olas permits no man to offend the few Turks who live In his barren land. This motive Inspires one of his finest poems. A white-bearded Podgorltza Turk limped to the Dvorkska Ulica fig tree and complained to Nicholas that two chieftains had reviled him and called him "old carrion." He demanded justice. "Return," said Nicholas, "tonight, and you will get it." When the Turk re turned he found Nicholas under the fig tree by the light of a torch. Behind sat the two insulters, looking uncomforta ble and abased. "You shall have Jus tice!" said Nicholas, whereupon he took up a copybook and declaimed to the Turk and to the persecutors an ode running something like this: "Thee, old Hon, they Insult: they laugh at thee; they deride thee; they call thee carrion! Thou carrion? Thou? Thou hast conquered half the world; thou hnst watered thy Arab steed in the Minclo; and challenged under Vienna's white walls the Emperors of the West. . . . "Yes, old lion! We that on battlefields have met and measured swords, we love one another as only enemies love! And we shall meet again on battlefields, old lion, and slay and love one an other." And here, at the thought that he mlsrht some day slay the Turk, fat Nicholas embraced his racial enemy and sent him on his way with the echo: "Old lion, old lion," ringing In his ears. o the Daily Press Good counsel that Inspirits, A handshake that commends; These are my dearest blessings. Not counting what I owe A little Hello Lady Whose name I do not know. i There's always one "Good morning" Of which I may be sure; There's always one tried sister Whose patience will endure; There's always time for business. And none for flippancy; There's always one ear open Just where It ought to be. Indeed, I often wonder When Bhe takes time to eat, The little Switchboard Lady That I may never meet. New York Satire. OUT AND IN. "I'm out for' a ride," the motorist cried As he hurried away in glee; Ten miles from town his car broke down And "I'm in for a walk," sighed he. Cyclists' Calendar. A DELECTABLE MESS. There was an old man of Sheerness, Who Invited a friend to play chess; But he'd lent all the pieces To one of his nieces. And stupidly, lost her address, IKI) 1 10.2