.'TTTE SUNDAY OltEGOCTAX. rOlTTLAXD. ItfAY 10, 1912.
A
N05E
FT JACK LONDON-.
IN THE morning cairn of Korea, when
it peace and tranquillity truly mer
ited Ha ancient nam. "Cho-sen."
there lived a politician by name, Tl
Coin Ho. II was a man of parts, and
who aball say? perhaps In no wis
worse than politicians the world over.
But. nnllke bis brethren In other lands.
Tl Chla Ho was In Jail. Not that be
bad Inadvertently diverted to himself
Public money, but that h had In
advertently diverted too much. Excess
Is to be deplored in all things, even In
crafting, and Tl Chin Ho'i excess had
brought htra to most deplorable straits.
Ten thousand strings of cash ho
owed the government, and he lay In
prison under sentence) of death. There
waa on advantage to the situation
ho had plenty of time In which to
think. And ha thought well. Then
called he the jailer to him.
"Most worthy man. you sea before
you one most wretched." ha began. "Tet
all will be well wlt!i me If you will
but let me go free for one short hour
this night. And all will be well with
you. for I shall see to your advance
ment through the years, and you shall
come at length to the directorship of
all the prisons of Cho-sen."
How, now?" demanded the Jailer.
"What foolishness Is this? One short
hour, and you but waiting for your
head to be chopped off! And I. with an
aged and much-to-be-respected mother,
not to say anything of a wife and sev
eral children of tender years! Out upon
yea for the scoundrel that you are"
"Prom the Sacred City to the) enda
of all the Eight Coasts there Is no
place for nve to hide." Tl Chin Ho made
reply. "1 am a man of wisdom, but of
what worth my wisdom here In prison?
Were I free, well I know I could seek
out and obtain the) money wherewith
to repay the government. I know of a
bos that will save ne from all my
Difficulties.
"A nose!" cried the Jailer.
"A nose." aald Tl Chla Ho. "A re
markable nose. If I may say so, a most
remarkable nose."
The Jailer threw op his hands de
spairingly. "Ah. what a Keg you are.
what a wag." he laughed. "To think
that that very admirable wit of yours
must go the way of the chopping
block!"
And so saying, be turned and went
away. But In the end. being a man
soft of head and heart, when the night
was well along be permitted Tl Chin
Ho to go.
Straight he went to the Governor,
catching him alone and arousing him
from his sleep.
"Tl Chin Ho, or I'm no Governor!"
cried the Governor. "What do you here
who should be In prison waiting on
the chopping block 7"
"I pray your excellency to listen to
me." said Tl Chin Ho, squatting on
Ms hams by the bedside and lighting
his pipe from the firebox. "A dead
man la without value. It Is true, I am
as a dead man. without value to the
government, to your excellency, or to
myself. But If. so to say, your excel
lency were to give me my freedom"
"Impossible!" cried- the Governor.
"Besides, you are condemned to death."
"Tour excellency well knows that If
I can repay the ten thousand strings
cf cash the government will pardon
me." Tl Chin Ho went on. "So, as I say.
If your excellency were to give me
my freedom for a few days, being a
man of understanding I should then
repay the government and be In a po
sition to be of service to your excel
lency. I should be la position to be
Tales From
erso
1119 START IX LIFE.
In that time which was even before
the past. In thoe which preceded
the Ureal Wall an.l the ever-glorloua
dynasty cf Kan Shi. lived two wise men.
la and Tun. says the Cleveland Plaln
tViler. So wise were they, so close to nature
aoU the soul of existence, that they
were like to half g'l having powers
taut were suprmortaL
They were old men and their favor
ite employment waa the fame of life.
It waa piayri upon a bamboo sluce
by characters of their own devising
and the wonderful thing about It was
mat the breath of the half-gods gave
life to thee puppet f th Vl". Lest
harm shoutJ come from this, however,
thry had solemnly aareed that whejo
tbe game was en.li the actors sheulU
be returned to soulless wood ami srnse
! clay.
But, one day. Ten fashioned a puppet
of such unuiutl cleverness that It fas
cinated him. and when It came time to
dcxroy tbe players he hastily took
away this thing that he loved and hid
U behimi him.
-W11O satd Tun. "where Is the
f.erwi. the red thing thou callest Sin.
be of the pointed ears and the split
hoofs and Cie swirling tali? I see him
dot. Where Is her
And Ten. holding fast to that
squirming thing of evil, lied to his
brother.
"1 know not." he saM.
At that the fiend thrust Its sharp
teeth Into his hanOs and he screamed
and dropped lt Then It leaped Into
the Juni-le and disappeared.
So, throush selfishness and deceit
and treachery, the evil one was turned
loose upon the world.
Which was. perhaps, as reasonable a
way as any for htm to make his debut
FAME.
At a recent dinner of the Hungry
C:ut. O.auncey Pepew was the guest
of honor, says the Washington Post,
and ta her witty Introduction of the
ex-Senator Mettle Sheridan took oc
casion to Inform him there were two
gentlemen present who had never
beard of Chauncey Pepew until that
evening. Chauncey had a story ready
for the emergency, and prefaced hie
r. marks with the statement that his
birthday coincided with that of Wil
liam tnakepeare.
"I am wli:!nc to stand with Shake
speare." he said, "and the same hlng
has happened to him. A man named
Taber. who had acquired considerably
more et world y goods than erudition,
decided to build an opera house In Den
ver. He spared bo expense la XltUng
jIIITIgi
of very great eervlee to your excel
lency." "Have you a plan whereby you hope
to obtain this money?" asked the Gov
ernor. "I have." said Tl Chin Ho.
"Then come with It to me tomorrow
night; I would now aleep," aald the
Governor, taking up his snore where It
had been Interrupted.
On the following night, having again
obtained leave of absence from the
Jailer, Tl Chin Ho presented himself at
the Governor's bedside.
"Is It you. Tl Chla Ho?" asked the
Governor. "And have you the plan?"
"It Is I. your excellency," answered
Tl Chin Ho. "and the plan Is here."
"Speak." commanded the Governor.
"The plan Is here." repeated Tl Chin
Ho. "here In my hand."
The Governor sat up and opened his
eyes. Tl Chin Ho proffered In his hand
a sheet of paper. The Governor held
It to the light.
"Nothing but a nose," aald he.
"A bit pinched, so. and so, your ex
cellency." said Tl Chin Ho.
"Tea, a bit pinched here and there.
as you say." said the Governor.
"Withal it Is an exceeding corpulent
nose, thus, and so, all In one place, at
the end." proceeded Tl Chin Ho. "Tour
excellency would seek far and wide and
many a day for that nose and And It
not."
"An unusual nose," admitted the
Governor.
"There Is a wart upon It," aald Tl
Chin Ho.
"A most nnusual nose," said the Gov
ernor. "Never have I seen the like.
But what do you with this nose, Tl
Chin Hor
"I seek It whereby to repay the mon
ey to the government," said Tl Chin
Ho. "I seek It to bo of service to
your excellency, and I seek It to save
my own worthless head. Further, I
seek your excellency's seal upon this
picture of the nose."
And the Governor laughed and af
fixed the seal of state, and Tl Chin Ho
departed. For a month and a day he
traveled the King's Road, which leads
to the shore of the Eastern Sea, and
there, one night, at the gate of thi
biggest mansloa of a wealthy city, be
knocked loudly for admittance.
"None other than the master of the
house will I see," said be fiercely to
the frightened servants. "I travel upon
the King's business."
Straightaway was ho led to an Inner
room, where the master of the house
was roused from his sleep and brought
blinking before htm.
-You axe Talc Chung Chang, head
man of this city," aald Tl Chla Ho, In
tones that were all accusing. I am
upon the King's business."
Tak Chung Chang trembled. Well he
knew the King's business was ever
terrible business. His knees smote to
gether and he nearly fell to the floor.
"The hour la late." be quavered.
-Were It not well to"
"The King's business never waits!'
thundered Tl Chin Ho. "Come apart
with me, and swiftly. I have an affair
of moment to discuss with you.
"It Is the King's affair." he added.'
with even greater fierceness, so that
rak Chung Chang's ellver pipe dropped
from his nerveless fingers and clattered
on the floor.
"Know then." aald Tl Chin Ho, when
they had gone apart, "that the King Is
troubled with an affliction, a very ter
rible affliction. In that ha failed to
oure, the court physician has had not Fl
ing else than his head chopped off.
I
OMr-OF-woiiip.s-ANn-jr
Humorous Pens
lt out with costly marbles and luxuri
ous furnishings. And as a last word
In decorations the architects decided
to run a friexe around the proscenium,
embellished with the names of famous
lights of literature and drama. Mil
ton. Garrick, Edwin Booth. It sen were
all there, and In the very center was
the name of William Shakespeare.
Taher came Into the opera-house
one day for a final Inspection, and
spotted the frlese."
"'What's that name doing up there?"
asked Taber.
"'What name? the architect asked.
"'William Shakespeare. said Taber.
What did William Shakespeare ever
do for Wnver? Take his name down
and put Taber In Its place.'"
A rAn.vni.i-; o.v labor.
Two men stood watching a steam
shovel at work With a clatter and a
roar the shovel bit Into a steep bank,
rlcsed on a carload of earth and
damped It onto a waiting frelghv
train.
"it drives me wild." said the first
onlooker, "to see that monster taking
the bread out of good men's mouths.
1-ook at It Why. It's filling up those
flat cars faster than a hundred men
with pick and shovels could do It."
But the other onlooker shook his
head and answered:
"See here, mister. If It would be bet
ter to employ a hundred men with
picks and shovels on this Job, wouldn't
It be better still, by your way of think
ing, to employ a thousand men with
forks and table-spoons?"
TUB REAR GUARD.
There Is a lot of humors-real humor
to be found oa battlefields, said Gen
eral Nelson A. Miles at a dinner one
evening, according to the Popular
Magazine. "I remember the case of a
retreat which was really a rout.
"In this retreat the commanding gen
eral, as he galloped along like the wind,
turned to an aid. who waa urging hla
hots to the limit, and asked:
""Who are our rear guard?"
"The aid. without the slightest hesita
tion, replied:
" Those who hav the worst horses,
air. "
t) KRACITT.
An old negro In Mississippi was on
trial for stealing chickens. He bad
denied his guilt, and one of the dea
cons of his church was called to testify
to his reputation for truth and verac
ity. "Now, deacon." said the prose
cutor, "do you know this defendant?"
"Yes, air." "How well do you kaowj
ir- )D "itf mx -
Mi & mm: jsssssss
i ii ' is!, -fr
mm w m mjmmm,
I 'M ft ft i j i ii mmfmmMtm
f mi i vv- .sgm- m . n& wmwn .
m 1 iHiMHi mimm .
'MM nl . i tl hiJfllt Lvtt&? iRM WiJ-r-Z iwxXxXtm ',mtl .1- ,111 WM'Wm
'--ssfr! ru-z ' ftgCSS .
From oil the Eight Provinces have the himself. He put a paper Into my hand. Gf Fl v 1 1
physicians come to wait upon the King. Upon this paper was the very peculiar . - . till k vWt
Wise consultations have they held and kind of nose drawn by the physicians W I ",k llii'l I II
they have decided that for a remedy of the Eight Provinces, with the seal AtvCT -' v' Wllll HI
for the King's affliction nothing else Is of state upon it. Kaw1 i vXMpiLJ Ir
required than a nose, a certain kind "'Go'" said his excellency the prime . L JS
of nose, a very peculiar kind of nose. minister. 'Seek out this nose, for the "if.
-Then by none other was I summoned King s affliction is sore. And where- 0
From all the Eight Provinces have the
physicians come to wait upon the King.
Wise consultations have they held and
they have decided that for a remedy
for the King's affliction nothing else Is
required than a nose, a certain kind
of nose, a very peculiar kind of nose.
"Then by none other was I summoned
than his excellency the prime minister
silos
him?" "Oh. I know him tahlable well."
"What Is his reputation for truth and
veracity In the neighborhood In which
he lives?" The old man looked thought
ful for a minute. "You know what I
mean." continued the lawyer. "Does
he tell the truth? Csn he tell the
truth? 1)0 his neighbors believe what
he says?" "That nlirgah tell the truth?
Does anybody believe him? Why. Mls
tah Lawyah, when that nlrccah wants
to call his hawgs at feedln' time ho
has to git somebody' else to holler foh
him. New ork Herald.
TI11KLV ESCAPE.
A German shoemaker left the gas
turned on In his shop one night, and,
upon arriving In the morning struck
a match to llpht it. There was a ter
rific explosion and tho shoemaker was
blown out throuuh the door almost to
the middle of the street.
A passerby rushed to his assistance,
and. after helping him to rise. In
quired If he were Injured.
T!ie little German gazed In at his
place of business, which was now burn
ing quite brl.-k.ly. and said:
"No. I ain't hurt. But I got out
shust In time, eh?" Exchange-
Jones "I'm going out tonight to a
tag theatrical benefit."
Mrs. Jones "You are, are you?"
Jones "Yes, I've been cast for an
Important role and must be there."
Mrs. Jones "That sounds thin what
part la It."
Jones "I'm to play the henpecked
hmhsnd
'. v v - wmm
mmmmmmmm ir mm
Wit Tie
V V
Quips and Flings
Patient I cannot concentrate, doctor.
My train of thought keeps Jumping the
track.
Doctor Ah, a nervous wreck! Bos
ton Transcript.
Bessie Wonder If Maude knows that
we are looking at her new gown
Jessie Certainly; what do you sup
pose she Is walking down this street
for? Philadelphia Telegraph.
-
"Is your bookkeeper's heart In his of.
flee work?"
"Everybody's heart Is In the office
work since the blonde stenographer
came." Kansas City Journal.
Cook Why didn't you come last
Monday for your dinner? -
Beggar Why. I heard that you were
washing and your mistress was doing
the cooking. Kllegende Blaetter.
"Say, Wombat, last Spring you prom
ised me some early vegetables."
"I know I did, old man, and I was
about to perfect a squash and a tomato
when the frost hit me." Pltsburg Post.
"I suppose all the factions were rep
resented at the state Kepubiicap con
vention r
"Yes. and so were three police sta
tions and the local mllltla," Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
"So your airship was wrecked In the
blizzard. I thought you considered it
perfect?"
"The ship wss perfect." replied the
Inventor stiffly. "The air was at
fault." Tit-Bits.
T't.i ri, Vmir ilanehter. er doesn't
seem quite sure which note to strike.
Airs iunem n, mjr, no. D fiajs
with a irreat deal of feeling. Philadel
phia Record.
. .
"I think she will make a flne wife. I
have been calling on her for several
months now and nearly always find her
darning one of her father's socks."
"That caught me, too, until I found'
out It was the same sock." Louisville
Courier Jornal.
a
Ther were rehearsing for a fashion.
able wedding.
"At this point you kiss tne onae.
"Yes." "And here vau smash a camera. I
have hired a cheap one for you to
smash." Pittsburg Post.
"No Indeed," Miss Gabbaway de
clared. "I'm not accustomed to fish
for compliments.
-I can see that." resiled Miss (.utunjc
A KOREAN
TALBIBY
"Anyone who Is accustomed to fishing
realizes that one isn't likely to get
anything If one talks too much."
Catholic Standard and Times.
"Why don't you let your little broth
er play house with you. Ethel?"
"We're not playing house, mamma."
"What are you playing, then?"
"We're playing flat, and they don't
let any children in this flat, mamma."
xr.. T..V!n, ix-na standlnfir before the
mirror, arranging her thin hair, when
her bald-headed nusbana entered me
room.
"Say, Em'ly," he began, "why don I
... . k.Ii. th. wnv von used to?
"Why don't you?" retored Mrs. Jen
kins. Llpplncott s
mm) Vnii-ohiv fursine: his chum on)
Don't be a quitter! Go on an" lick
V. i
Second Newsboy I won't neither. I've
got two black eyes now an win
enough?
vi,... vawiiinv Well wat's de mat
ter wld yer? Go on In; he can't give
yer any more, can he7 Boston ituiu
cript. Policeman to suspicious stranger of
midnight) What are you doing in this
store?"
Burglar Can't you see rm taking
stock? Boston Transcript.
"Paw," asked little Johnny, "what Is
the rule of three?"
"You, your sister Bella, and your
mother," sighed Mr. Meekum. Chicago
Tribune.
"What became of that splendid setter
of yours?"
"Auto accident. I was saved by a
narrow margin and the dog was killed."
"How unfortunate'"
JAGflOMN
Among the Poets
IN MEMORIAM.
Once I had a meerschaum yellow;
Nevermore I'll know its fellow.
How one whiff of It would banish every
care!
And its loss I still deplore.
But I'll never 6ee it more.
For my wife has got It put away ome
where. And my pair of slippers oldest
That I loved when nights were cold
est. When close to the cheery hearth I drew
my chair.
Now from mortal eye are hid.
Like the gold of Captain Kidd,
For my wife has got them put away
somewhere.
'Tis a rule that's ne'er unheeded
That what's sure to be most needed
She must hide away with skill beyond
compare.
To the things that once we knew
We can find not e'en a clew
When my wife has got them put away
somewhere.
Oft I've told her, "Burn it. break it,
Or to some poor family take It;
Let me know It's gone, and save me
from despair;
But do not, I beg and pray.
Let me hunt till I am gray
For the thing I know you've put away
somewhere."
When the sea gives up Its dead.
TTrhan tha Turt s-men t-Book la read.
When the last cold-storage chicken is
laid bare;
Then perhaps we'll find some trace
Of the secret hiding place
Of the things my wife has put away
somewhere,
Walter G. Doty In Puck.
CRUEL WORDS.
This talk about the Iceman, now
It greatly wearies me;
I must admit I can't see how
Believed such tales can be.
They say the Iceman is a bold.
Bad pirate yes, they do!
I've more of wrath than I can hold
At this charge most untrue.
The Iceman Is an honest chap.
With not his share of sin;
He would not stoop to lay a trap
To lure the dollars in.
His character I now will paint
To all within this land
This man is almost like a saint;
Him few can understand.
Perhaps It seems a trifle queer
He stands with virtue bright
of a man, strike It off forthwith and
bring it in all haste to the Court, for
the Kins must be cured. Go, and come
not back until your search is re
warded. "And so I departed upon my quest.
said Yi Chin Ho. "I hare soug-ht out
the remotest corners of the kingdom;
I have traveled the Eight Highways,
searched the Eight Provinces, and
sailed the seas of the Eight Coasts.
And here I am."
With a great flourish he drew a pa
per from his girdle, unrolled It with
many snapptngs and cracklings, and
thrust It before the face of Pak Chung
Chang. Upon the paper was the pic
ture of the nose.
Pak Chung Chang strred upon It with
bulging eyes.
"Never have I beheld such a nose," he
began.
"There Is a wart upon it," said Tl
Chin Ho.
"Never have I beheld " Pak Chung
Chang began again.
"Bring your father fcefore me," Tl
Chin Ho interrupted sternly,
"My ancient and very-much-to-be-respected
ancestor sleeps," said Pak
Chung Chang.
"Why dissemble?" demanded Yi Chin
Ho. "You know it is your father's
nose. Bring him before me that I may
strike It off and be gone. Hurry, lest
I make bad report of you."
"Mercy!" cried Pak Chung Chang,
falllhg on his knees. "It Is Impossible!
It Is impossible! You cannot strike off
my father's nose. Pie cannot go down
without his nose to the grave. He will
become a laughter and a byword, and
all my days and nights will be filled
with woe. O reflect! Report that you
have seen no such nose in your travels.
You, too, have a father."
Pak Chung Chang clasped Tl Chin
Ho's knees and fell to weeping on his
sandals.
"My heart softens strangely at your
tears," said YI Chin Ho. "I, too, know
filial piety and regard. But " He
hesitated, then added, as though think
ing aloud, "It is as much as my head
Is worth."
"How much is your head worth?"
asked Pak Chung Chang in a thin,
small voice.
"A not remarkable head," said YI
Chin Ho. "An absurdly unremarkable
head; but, such Is my great foolish
ness, I value it at nothing less than
one hundred thousand strings of cash."
"So be it," said Pak Chung Chang,
rising to his feet.
"I shall need horses to carry the
treasure," said YI Chin Ho. "and men
to guard it wel. as I Journey through
the mountains. There are robbers
a.broad in the land."
"There are robbers abroad in the
land," said Pak Chung Chang sadly.
"But It shall b as you wish, so Ions
as my ancient and very-much-to-be-respected
ancestors nose abide In its
appointed place."
"Say nothing to any man of this oc
currence," said Yl Chin Ho, "else will
other and more loyal servants than I
be sent to strike oft your father's nose."
And so Yi Chin Ho departed on his
way through the mountains, blithe of
heart and gay of song as he listened
to the Jingling bells of his treasure
laden ponies.
There Is little more to tell. Yl Chin
Ho prospered through the years. By
his efforts the Jailer attained at length
to the directorship of all the prisons
of Cho-sen; the Governor ultimately be
took himself to the Sacred City to be a
prime minister to the King, while Yl
Chin Ho became the King's boon com
panion and sat at table with him to the
end of a round, fat, life. But Pak
Chung Chang fell into a melancholy,
and ever after he shook his head sadly,
with tears In his eyes, whenever he
regarded the expensive nose of his an
cient and very-much-to-be-respected
ancestor.
, (Copyrighted.)
of the Daily Press
Who is so blamed from year to year.
zei x am Buio x iu ii&'ii-.
His bosom feels the kindly glow
Of thoughts unstained and nice:
And I am one who ought to know.
Because I'm selling ice!
Chicago News.
MIRTH UXEXDING.
Oh, wherefore should a mortal sigh
And vow that life Is full of care?
Each moment that goes swiftly by
Is sure to bring a laugh somewhere;
And the supply is ever new
And louder grows the note of cheer;
The clothes that Fashion brings to view
Are getting funnier every year.
These hats and shoes and all the rest
Of the attire that meets our gaze
We'll greet with wild hilarious zest
As now we Jest of other days.
The present price tag may exert
A certain influence severe.
But look ahead for laughs alert;
Our clothes get funnier every year.
Washington Star.
A BASEBALL RAVEN.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while 1
pondered, sad and weary,
Over many a measly error by a team
that made me sore,
While I grunted, nearly napping, sud
denly there came a tapping,
As of some fool loudly rapping, rap
ping at my own front door,
"Just got In, old pal," he muttered,
"and I'm mad to know the score,"
Only that and nothing more!
Judge's Library.
THE NEW DISPENSATION.
Being certified as germless,
By the parson they were tied
The antiseptic bridegroom
And the prophylactic bride.
If their pictures do not flatter 'em
The camera may have lied
Hey the prophylactic bridegroom
And the antiseptic bride!
Chicago Tribune.
BUT COULDN'T FILL THE DICHIGAJi.
There was a man In Michigan
Who used to wish, and wlchlgan.
That Spring would come
So he could borne
And go away and fichlgan.
Chicago Chronicle.
THE HOOK WORM.
Behold the lowly hookworm.
Who labors up and down,
With patient, awkward fingers
On wifey's latest gown.
Satire,