8, 1911. 4 Women FOIL; SERVICE In England's Matrons and Daught wniie rrererrinfrPear Prna Agst Invasion-They Mean to Show Were Man He Is Not the Only Warrior -junragette ot Military Breed Urges Training of Girls for "the Accidents of War-Country Divided Into Districts with is.onn Tra;j m. phi TV"" ii f IM1- Hi tii i A 'M w - t LONDON. Oct. 1. Though pac la popular In Ensl&nd today. dfens measures oa tbo martial side are extending to new spheres of activity. Tor the fair hi are Joining; with their fathers and brothers In a demonstra tl in of practical patriotism. For tha first time a volunteer women's corps has been under arms on Salisbury Plain for the Summer maneuvers of British troops. Very likely part of this enthusiasm for feminine uniforms la due to the suffragette movement. It Is frequently urged against that movement that as men alone can enforce laws, they alone should make them. "Women, according to this argument, are unfitted by na ture, except In abnormal cases, for the rigors of camp life. That has put the women on their mettle. They are out to show mere man how far be la wrong when he thinks he alone Is the guard Ian of his country. Mrs. Despard. a well-known suffra ;ett leader and alster of the famous cavalry commander. Oeneral French. Is a keen enthusiast for the new military movement. l believe In dual humanity. she said the other day.: "Men and women should stand together for their coun try, and for high Meals. And I should Terse Tales From THE PARjiO.VS Ml STARK. An amusing Incident was witnessed t a big railway station recently. An rid gentleman who waa watting for a train, and at the same time interested In the, surroundings did not notice the approach of a porter struggling with large traveling trunk, with the re sult that he was knocked oft the plat fcrm on to the rails. A parson who was standing near by promptly rushed to the unfortunate Iran's aid. and. thinking he was tha worse for liquor, remarked: "My good friend, whisky has doc Ihat.- Bat the old gentleman quickly re plied: "Wrong again, mister. It was porter." Ideas. ritKSKXCE OK MIXP. There are symptoms of a panic In the theater, says Judge. A big man in the front rnw arises. "Pit down!" he roars. "There la no danger! Sit down! The stampeding audience stops, tarns rid fares him. 'lt down!" he orders. The people ebedlent!y sat down. "I will go to the entrance and show you that there la no danger whatever. the big man says. He stroll, along the 1!. reaches the exit and rushes out. "That s what I call presence ot mind." he tells himself. "I never could have got out ef there If I hadn't stopped ti:at psnlc." RICHARD IV IIIS KLKMEXT. "The late Thomas Wentworth Hlggln lon." said a Harvard Instructor, "loved music, but not the extremely technical music of Richard Strauss. Ravel and others of that type. Colonel Hlgclnsoa used to tell a story. He said that Mrauss west one Summer oa a hunting trip la the mountains. It chanced that cn s certain afternoon a terrific thun der storm descended on a hunting party. Amid ear-spatUng thunder and blinding ers, if : Waov jv , like to see boys and glrU trained so as to be able to meet any accidental demand that arises. By accident I mean a war, though at the same time they should learn that It Is not Inevit ably necessary for wars to take place. Mrs. Iespard firmly believes that In the case of an Invasion of England, women would play a more practical part near the line of battle than they have hitherto done. Moesra la 1'al forms. Nearly half a million young men wear the khaki uniform of the Terri torialsformerly called volunteers with a feeling of pride. What with this and the successful Boy Scout move ment. It will be hard to find a young ster out of some form of uniform In spare time before we are much older. And now have to be added the amateur army nurses, the girl guides and all the other evidences ot feminine emulation that are i ringing up all over the country. All of which looks strange to the visitor. In view of John Bull's peace protestations. .But really there Is noth ing Inconsistent. Indeed, It may be salJ that the peace parleying and the boom In military training are connect ed, for though Mrs. Bull wants peace, she wants It under conditions that In sure preparednesa for defense. Women first began looking for op J 60ML0FTHCQUIP5ANM Humorous Pens lightning, amid delngea of rain whipped by a roaring wind, the huntsmen all sought shelter. Where, though, was StraussT "Three friends set out In alarm to look for htm. They feared that In the wild chaos of the storm he had fallen down a precipice. After a long while they found him. they found him doing what do you suppose? "Strauss stood bareheaded on the summit of a lofty crag. The lightning Tlayed about him in vivid. violent flashes: the rain deluged him: the thun der rolled and rumbled around him; the roaring wind flapped his coattalla about hla head, and the musician, a ramrod In his hand, waa busily engaged on hla high crag In conducting tho thunder storm!" Detroit Free Press. BEYOND IIEU DEPTH AT TABLE. Ther were seated around the table partaking of watermelon, so the talk naturally turned to the luscious trult- "It reminds me of a conversation which took place between two colored women, said one of the guests. " "Mm-r. but Ah certainly does lobe watermelons.' said one. 'It sure does tickle man palate. How dors you like watermelons. Sister LizeT -Wa-a-l'.. Ah tells you. Sis' Jane. returned the other, 'Ah certainly does lobe watermelons, but Ah can't eat em. - 'Well, dat am too bad. What am de matter. LIzeT - 'it am like dis. Sis' Jane. I lobes watermelon, but Ah always get man ears wet when Ah eats "em." Mil waukee Free Press. DIDXT WAXT AXT. Representatives Hughes and Klnkead. of New Jersey, and Cravens, ot Arkan sas, three of the Irish wits of the House, had just returned from the fu neral of a colleagu and were discuss ing the pomp and publicity of a Con gressional funeral. "I do not want such a funeral, da 'jZE ZRCX?S CCVSW A?mVG i I IE "'- portunltles of service a year or two ago. with the result that the Women'i Sick and Wounded Convoy Corps was started by Organising Commandant Mrs. St. Clair Stobart. When a uniform had been designed, and the aims ot the corps made known, women of all grades of society, from the elementary school teacher to the woman of wealth and leisure, became recruits. The ob ject of this corps Is to supplement the work carried out on the battlefield by the nurses of the Red' Cross Society. As 70 per cent of the deahs which occur In a modern war are due to delay be taween the clearance hospital behind the lines and the general hospitals at the base. It Is the object of the women volunteers to help In the removal of the wounded over this space, to save time and thereby life. The members of the Women's Sick and Wounded Convoy Corps, who were reviewed In an Informal way at Ealing by the Duke and Duehess of Con naught undergo a three years' train ing. They are no mere feather bed soldiers, for they have just been in camp at Studland Bay, where they ate sparingly, lived hard and Imbibed in struction. This time they had to camp on private land, as their last year's encampment attracted too many men to their quarters. For ten days Private Amy Walsh, whA a . Mm f 1 mmm m v hrbfut In l bed at 11 o'clock, haa to be up at siiGswii you. Gene? said Hughes to Klnkead. "No, Billy. I do not care to be put away with o much display. What about you. Ben?" said Klnkead. turning to Cravens. , "I do not want any funeral. re ponded the Southerner, dryly. Phila delphia Record. LITERALLY. Hubert Latham, the Antoinette flyer, waa talking at a tea to a pretty Cali fornia girl. "Mr. Latham," said the girl, as she took her nineteenth walnut-and-lettuce sandwich, "tell me. does flying require any particular application?" "Well, no, none In particular, Mr. Latham answered. "Arnica or horse liniment one's aa good aa another." THE RURAL- UPLIFT. "Has your family been of much as sistance to you In running the place?" "I should ssy eo." replied Farmer "orntossel. "Food has been ao high that the Summer board season would have been a failure If It hadn't been tor mother and our son Josh?" "They saved the expenses of help?" "No. air. But Josh la a right good hand In a poker game, an the way mother picked up bridge waa aomethln' amazln'." Washington Star. FATHER HEALY, IRISH WIT. Among the clerical humorists of Ire land, Father James Healy atanda out prominent. On one occasion when a pretty child was proud'.y shown him by her mother he remarked: "My dear child, you'll have a blue look-out aa long aa you live!" The mother' face at first clouded, but Immediately after brightened up when ahe aaw the smile on Father Healy's face, for the child had blue eyea Once Father Healy waa aaked how be would describe a Scotsman, and In answer, assuming aa he apoke the Scot's accent, aaid: "A Scot is a mon wha keeps the Sawbath and iverythlng else that he can git." - .733? ZAACECSVE?i!& 'clock. Coffee la served half an hour later, and as the uniform Is severely plain, vithout complications of hooka and eyea, nunctual attendance at breakfast can be enforced without In flicting hardship. An hour's drill has to be gone through before the first meal of the day la enjoyed. The tents are inspected at :30 o'clock and then classes and practical work ot various kinds, such as stretcher and ambulance work, wagon driving and cooking, occupy the day till the bugle calls to supper at half past seven. "Lights out" is sounded two hours later, and as there are no town distractions nearby, every member of the corps goes to sleep without a sigh of regret for pleasures missed. Pay Own Expenses. The force Is trained by Captain Lang ford Lloyd, who has reason to bo proud of the efficiency ot the amasons. Every private In the corps pays Just over 4 a year, and supplies her own uniform, but officers contribute $20. which is considered cheap for the privilege of wearing a prettier uniform than the rank and file. As riding and the care and management of horses form part of the training, the all-round physical fitness of the members Is further as sured a great asset, whether in peace or war. This year, however, other companies of women warriors have been under Quips and Flings "When I waa a young man," said Mr. Cumrox. "I thought nothing of work ing 12 or 14 hours a day." "Father." replied the young man with sporty clothes, "I wish you wouldn't mention It. Those non-union sentiments are liable to make you un popular." ' e Mabel I am sure he must have loved her very dearly. Maude I should say so. He married her In spito of the fact that he had been out In the rain with her all one afternoon, was seasick with her, and saw her unexpectedly at home the morning after a dance. London Opin ion. Mrs. Wellmeant Are you married? Tramp (Indignantly) Wot! Do yer think I'd be relyln' on total strangers for support if I bad er wife? Boston Transcript. , Artist This Is my painting. Youth In the Melon Patch. Critic But where are the melons? Artist What a foolish question! Toledo Blade. First Imp Ananias won't be so lone ly now. Second Imp Why First Imp There's a theatrical press agent coming tomorrow. Puck. White Have you any trouble . In making both ends meet? Green Not a bit. The end of my money and the end of . the week al ways com at the same time. Harper's Bazar. "How are you getting along In the law business, old man!" "I have one client." Is be rich?" "He was." Boston Transcript. "How time flies!" "Yes. doesn't It? James Garfield Smith has a son who Is old enough to shav and Grover Cleveland Higgles 7W. I i?. .... V s canvas. Including the Winchester di vision of the British Red Cross Society. These amateur nurses who shared the life of a training camp were not nu merous, but they created as much stir as any Army corps, while they were as carefully guarded as the crown jewels. Their tents were surrounded by a ring fence, and tho only break in It was guarded day and night by special police, who had the strictest orders not to allow man to pass. For. so far, that has boeti the only drawback about Hhls Initial attempt to Include women in the Salisbury Plan maneuvers the men hare shown a general tendency to gravitate to that corner of the camp. The camp routine for the women was by no means 3evere, for a chef cooked for them, and a maid waited on them. Their only deprivation was in the ban ning of flirtation. Some idea of the carefully woven web of feminine preparedness for In vasion is suggested by the fact that the whole of England has been mapped out Into districts, and each section of the country Is under charge of detach ments of women, affiliated to the Red Cross Society. At present there are 15,000 women fully equipped with the requisite knowledge ot nursing. They form a disciplined force, wide-awake and efficient, ready for humanitarian service at any moment. The section of the army to which these feminine de tachments would be allocated Is the convoy line of the Territorials, the vol untary citizen army which Lord Hal dane called Into being. All sorts and conditions of women are In this move ment, and their co-operation Is doing is bald-headed." Chicago Record -Herald. "Just one word of advice, son, be fore you go out into the world." "Yes. dad." 1 "Alwsys be kind to Democrats. They have their turn once in a, while." St. Joseph Herald. Percy What are you going to do about your doctor's advice to take physical exercise, dear boy? Cholly I'm carrying a heavier walk ing stick, and I wear a large button hole boquet. Philadelphia Times. "Hla wife is a business woman all right." "What makes you say that?" "She's Installed a time clock in the hall and he has to punch It when he goes out nights and . when he gets back." Detroit Free Press. She Tes, I like Ted; he is so ex travagant. He That Is hardly the best quality for a husband. Is It? She Of course not; I am not going to marry him. Boston Herald. ' . Rolllngstone Nomoss Wot's a klep tomaniac. Tatters? Tatterdon Torn A kleptomaniac. Roily, Is a feller wot steals for de love of stealln', not because he wants de stuff. Rolllngstone Nomoss Gee! Den I must be one. I swiped a cake of soap today. Philadelphia Record. "What conclusion did you reach In your discussion of votes for women?' asked Mr. Meek ton. "Our discussions do not aim to reach a conclusion." was the dignified reply. "They are always to be continued." Washington Star. "Every husband ought to make his bride a regular allowance from the start," said Senator Depew at a wed ding reception In New York. "This la but just," he continued, "be cause from the start every bride finds that she must constantly make allow ances for her husband-" something to break down the wall that divides class from class. Women of title are expressing their enthusiasm In practical terms. Lady Willoughby de Broke, whose husband figured prominently in the conflict be tween Lords and Commons, has co operated in the scheme by planning out her country residence In the form of a temporary hospital, for ready use If the occasion ever arose. The Duchess of Norfolk and Lady Ampthill have followed suit, and their palatial resi dences are now added to the list of available hospitals. When this organ ization Is complete there will not be a county In England without its ancestral homes that could be made Into hos pitals In 24 hours. When It comes to the Girl Guides, there Is unlimited material for supply ing future members to the more ma ture organizations. These lively coun terparts of the Boy Scouts are estab lishing new corps month by month. Though not yet so universally success ful as the Boy Scouts, the utility of the well-conducted companies of Girl Guides Is dawning upon parents, and the prejudice and fear of girls becom ing tomboys are fading away. Service In the Field. The Liverpool contingent, three hun dred strong, la about the largest corps in existence. Some of these girls re cently went into camp at Freshfleld, and had the time of their lives, cooking their own provisions, drilling, receiving Instruction in ambulance, and evok ing admiration for miles around. The training of this corps is under Com- 1 Among the Poets GODS OF OLD. When shall we be freed from the symphonies of Beethoven? Gaston Carraud. Bring, O time, the hour that frees Ua from Ludwlg van Beethoven! Shall there be no symphonies Matching those this god has woven? Must we always gasp and gape ' When his wondrous works are played? When, O when, shall we escape. From the mighty Ludwlg's shade? Bring us the hour that frees, us, too, From another fond obsession; IS there naught since Shakespeare new? Did he quite exhaust expression? How much longer, pray, must we Take him, as we'd take & pill? ' When, O when, shall we be free From the plays of mighty Will? Shall the long-accepted page Always shadow our endeavor? Has a god no youth and age? Once a god, a god forever? Must we always bend the knee? Must we pipe eternal praise? When, O when, shall we be free From the gods of other days? New York Tribune. EVERYBODY'S BOSS. Who Is It bosses all the staff? Who makes us swear and makes us laugh? Who's too intelligent by half? The office boy. Who comes to work with shoes un shined And, when reminded, doesn't mind? Who, when he's wanted, none can find? The office boy. , Who, when on errands he must go. Delays his start, walks very slow, And sees the moving picture show? The office boy. Who oft Is told that he'U be fired? Who. asked to work, is very tired? missioner Dr. Mary B. Davies; the aim of instruction in all cases being "effi ciency and development of character along the right lines." Some of the more robust members ot uie Guides are keen to be real soldiers and not mere "angels of the Red Cross." They want to handle the rifle and bayonet like the regular Tommy Atkins. Whatever aspirations they have in that direction are discouraged. But It may be they will have their way in one or two cases, for there are some famous precedents of the British and American wars. In the Crimean war one Mrs. Christian Davies served as a man till a wound from a splinter of shell gave away her secret to the army surgeons. She had an adventurous ca reer, with female sweethearts In many localities. When she died she was buried with military honors in London. Again, in the recent South African war, several girls tried to gain ad mission to various regiments, and one at least succeeded so far as to be drafted to Capetown. But sickness gave her plan away and she was shipped home. On every ground the authorities frown on such ambitions, but they wel come the willingness of all women to lend a hand in territorial nursing schemes. So In this way the whole Bull fam ily are tasting military arts. There are not so many people who believe in the alarmist stories of an invasion as there used to be. But the nation is preparing Itself and mending Its fences, just to be on the eafe side. And they are the more likely to favor peace because they are prepared for war. of the Daily Press Who's by stenographers admired? ( The office boy. Who is it that's not fond of soap? Who's seldom known to sulk or mopel Who knows the latest baseball dope? The office boy. Who whistles till we have a fit? W'ho has surprising strains of grit? Who's who, or, otherwise, who's it? The office boy. Canadian Courier. THE GRASS IX THE PAVEMENT. "God," cried the grass in the pavement. "Am I not worthy of living. Who am green In the waterless places And subsist in the clefts of the stone? "Where the feet of the horses trample And wheels go passing and passing. By strong desire of living I live, but am barren and lone! k "Give me the fields of my birthright. The shade of the; quiet cool places; There may I live to thine honor. Abundant, rejoicing, full grown!" "Child," said the Voice in the stillness, "Know I not well thou art worthy. Thou who declarest my glory Where dearth and destruction are rife? "Therefore have I set thee in lonely And parched and desolate places; Are the weakest and least of the legions Placed In the van of the strife? "Know I not well thou art worthy? ' I have chosen thee over all others. Thou who art potent, unyielding, And strong In the fullness of life!" New York Sun. RJSSOTJRCEFT'L. The hungry shipwrecked seaman did not grumble at nis late; He merely took a calendar and bit him off a date. Dallas News-