6
TTIE SUNDAY OltEGONTAN", PORTLAND, 3IAY 14, 1911. .
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PORTLAND. MMDAI. MAT 1. ItH.
PRACTICAL PEACE MEASl RES.
By common consent the Baltimore
i Congress, which adjourned the other
day after passing a number of reso
lutions. Is regarded as one of the most
Important meetings ever held for the
promotion of International peace. The
proceedings -were of a practical na
ture In the main, forsaking- the old
Utopian methods of eloquence and
pathetic appeal. The Congress was
occupied almost entirely with the dis
cussion of projects for the actual fur
therance of peace, such as the limita
tion of armaments and the extension
of the principle of arbitration.
Mr. Knox plan for an International
prize court was commended by
the Congress and also the Court of
Arbitral Justice for which he has for
mulated an outline. The latter Is said
to constitute a kind of supreme court
for the world. It would perform for
the various Independent countries
much the same services as our Su
preme Court does for the states of
the Union, and It is already provided
with a constitution to work upon. To
toe sure, this constitution has never
been formally adopted, but It exists
In treatises upon International law
which are everywhere held to be au
thoritative, and In the enlightened
sentiments of the foremost men of the
world. In the last analysis, what Is
any constitution, written or tradi
tional, but a body of more or less
fluctuating sentiment? The printed
words have no meaning except as they
obtain it from the intelligence of In
terpreters and the verdicts of Intelli
gence depend more on feeling than
on anything else.
Should Mr. Knox" project for an
International court of Justice ever be
wrought out In fact It would carry
us a long way toward that "federation
of the world" which poets and states
, men have speculated upon for many
centuries. It would be an error In
deed to. suppose that International
peace la a modem concept. It Is on
the contrary, very old and was more
nearly attained In former times than
now. War was abolished for several
centuries so far as the civilized world
was concerned by the establishment
of the Roman Empire. Its horrors
were experienced again when the bar
barians broke through the frontiers,
but the Roman peace with lu bless
ings was never forgotten.
Dante cherished a dual plan of
world federation. The Roman Em
peror was to be Its secular head, while
the church 'under the Pope attended
to religious affairs. Theoretically the
European world was actually organ
ised according to Dante's scheme In
the twelfth century and later, but the
Emperor's power was rather shadowjr
and the universal church flnaly lost
lis hold on the Northern nations. The
rise of the Independent countries of
modern Europe together with the
Protestant revolt from the church de
stroyed for many years all prospect
of international peace. War became
more frequent than ever before and
a great part of the Ingenuity of man
was devoted to the Invention of In
struments of death. From Augustus
to the rise of chivalry no new weap
ons of war were devised, but between
that time and the present day there
have been thousands of them. Ber
nard Shaw declares that the only
progress the modern world has made
consists In Inventing new tools of
slaughter.
Although the old Roman organiza
tion of the world In a peaceful em
pire finally passed away, still It has a
present value which Is very great. It
enables us to meet the erratic asser
tions of those men who say that uni
versal peace Is an Impossible vision.
"It never did exist." they declare,
"and It never can exist." The truth
of the matter Is that it was In actual
existence for several centuries and
was accepted as the universal Ideal
for many more. The belief that war
Is Inevitable Is much more of a mod
ern dream than the concept of Inter
national peace Is. In order to have
peace among the nations we need only
to stop fighting, which seems to be
simple enough, though it Is difficult
in practice.
Warfare. like other bad habits, per
sist? by force of Inertia. Nations
think they must go on lighting be
cause their fathers did. just as the sot
must have his grog today because he
had It yesterday. Nothing but stern
practical checks are likely to halt the
bad old practice of rushing to arms
when nations differ. Reason and con
, science of course accomplish some
thing, but not so much as one could
wish. We keep up great armaments
for fear that some other country will
attack us and because we have the
armament the first thought Is to fight
when trouble arises. How can the
vicious circle be broken?
The Peace Congress proposes at
least one measure which seems likely
to help break It. They ask each na
tion to forbid its bankers to lend
money for warlike purposes to any
other nation. This would make some
wars Impossible if It could be en
forced. Russia could not have fought
Japan without the loans It received
from Jewish bankers. France could
probably finance a short war without
borrowing funds abroad, but Germany
could not. In spite of the Kaiser's
military treasure, his first step on the
outbreak of hostilities with a Euro
pean nation would be to negotiate a
loan. In a sense It Is the financiers
who make war possible, but It is dif
ficult to understand how they can be
entirely prevented from loaning their
faoacx 3Cberw they, wish, it flows in
channels so Intricate and obscure that
they could not all be dammed, though
some of them could.
MR. MOM HA.1T9 TO KOW.
Jtaipn w. Moss Is the name or a
Representative In Congress from Indi
ana. The record discloses that Mr.
Moss Is a comparative newcomer In
Washington: but In the brief term of
bis service he has developed an insa
tiable Instinct for finding out things,
Being a farmer, Mr. Moss' curiosity
some months since led him In the
direction of the Agricultural Depart
ment; and being -a Democrat his par
tisanship caused him to rejoice ex
ceedingly when the row broke out
between Balllnger and Plnchot. Then
for the first time Congressman Moss,
who was withal no hayseed, learned
that the Forestry Service was legally
a branch of the Agricultural Depart
ment; and that actually the Agricul
tural Department was the mere tail to
the forestry kite. '
At these revelations Mr. Moss mar
veled greatly; but there was more to
come. As a farmer, he was much
concerned with the problem of agri
cultural education; but when he found
that the Agricultural Department,
through the gifted Mr. Pinchot, was
footing a large number of bills for the
education of certain foresters at vari
ous Western colleges, he began to
wonder what branch of agriculture
was benefited by sending a large com
pany of untutored foresters to college
to learn forestry.. Being convinced
that the farmer and his welfare had
been overlooked in the little Plnchot
enterprise of helping along bis partic
ular fad at their expense, Mr. Moss
broadened the scope of . his Inquiry
Into a question as to why the Agrlcul
tural Department, or any Government
department, should send foresters, or
anybody, under pay, to ajiy college.
There Mr. Moss stuck. He got no far
ther. Plnchot was discharged, the
thing was done, and It could not be
undone, and the Pinchot following In
effect asked him what he was going
to do about it.
This Is whst Mr. Moss has done
about It. He has now started some
thing In Congress. He has been made
the chairman of the committee which
will inquire into Mr. Pinchot's admin
istration of the Forestry Service. He
has written a letter to Forester Graves,
successor of Mr. Plnchot, mildly ask
ing for light on the Plnchot extra
legal operations. He wants, to know
why 200 forest rangers were sent by
Plnchot to college for eight or ten
weeks, their salaries and fares to and
fro paid, and the Government mean
while deprived of their more or less
valuable services, at a total cost of
115. 000 to 120,000 per month. Mr.
Moss Is asking also whether the prac
tice has been discontinued; how much
the Government has paid out In this
way: how many were educated; and
whether any effort has been made to
get the money back.
Forester Graves is taking his time
about replying. He needs time. If
Mr. Moss persists, he will get a lot
of Instructive Information about the
Forestry Service. A service that. In
comparatively short time, through the
persistence, ingenuity and lawless
methods of a single man developed
from a modest bureau spending 1100,
000 a year to a gigantic machine cost
ing S5.000.000 a year ought to afford
a rich field for Investigation.
guess. Certainly be never looks into
the Bible. If ha did read It under
standingly. which is the only kind of
reading that counts, he would not dare
to go to bed with all that frightful
sum of money In bis possession. He
would be haunted bywhat Jesus told
Nicodemus, "Sell all thou hast and
give it to the poor." Among other
things the Lord would whisper to his
gilded heart, "sell the old Bible for
which you paid such a foolishly big
price and turn the proceeds over to
the trustees of the Sage fund. If you
really want to read a Bible, buy one
printed yesterday by the Bible Society
In good modern type."
The old Caxton Malory is nothing
but an empty shell so far as Its real
worth goes. Arlosto took the heart
out bf it when he wrote his Orlando
Furloso and what little substance
there was left Tennyson borrowed for
tils pale, chaste Idylls of the King.
Nobody except some suffering class
In English literature could possibly
read the book even If it were printed
In clear type. The Caxton type are
Just about Illegible, which further Il
lustrates the fatuity of the craze.
Charles Lamb long ago drew the
distinction between real books and
books which are not books. In the
latter category he Included govern
ment reports, birthday gift volumes
and collections of poem's by ladles of
rank. Had the bibliophile rage been
In full bloom In his day he would have
damned the Guttenberg Bible and the
Caxton Morte D'Arthur with the rest
of the ill-omened tribe which mas
querade as books but are in truth
something else.. The man who loves
real books wants everybody else to
share his pleasure in them. He is will
ing to read them aloud to you. to dis
close the name of the shop where he
bought them: on extraordinary oc
casions he will even lend them. For
our part when we lend a book we bid
It a last farewell. "Good-bye forever,
good-bye forever, good-bye. good
bye." we exclaim in the sad words of
Tostl's song, but we know a lawyer, in
high standing and excellent practice,
who actually entreatts his friends to
borrow the treasures of his shelves.
This is super-human. It proves per
haps that If the gentleman had not
been educated for the law he might
have been a Christian.
After all is said, the pleasure of the
multi-millionaire In his 150.000 book
la but a wan and wilted thing. For
real delight commend us to the boy
who spends his last dime for "Dead
wood Dick" and peruses the forbidden
volume In unholy 6ecrecy behind the
strawstack. y
THE VALl'E OF BOOKS.
A book is worth, what anybody la
willing to pay for it. The same may
be said of postage stamps, diamonds
and bull pups. Since Mr. J. P. Mo
gan felt Impelled to pay 142,800 for a
Caxton edition of Malory's Morte
D'Arthur at the Hoe sale, the book
will be worth that sum until at some
future auction It brings more or less.
The Guttenberg Bible for which Henry
E. Huntington paid the Hoe estate
150,000 Is worth precisely that sum for
the present. When It was first put on
the market in medieval Germany It
probably sold for a few coppers like
the Caxton Morte D'Arthur whose
price was 70 cents for two hundred
years after It was published. If we
should develop a millionaire collector
richer than Mr. Morgan hereafter the
values of these rare and seemingly
precious volumes will probably soar
still higher. - Suppose some old and
unique Bible were to sell for $1,000
000 a hundred years from now. What
a push would be given to the spiritual
power of the sacred volume. Paradise
Lost brought 17200 at the Hoe sale,
Milton disposed of the original copy
right for $25. No doubt the excel
lence of the poem has Increased pro
portionately with the price as the cen
turies have lapsed.
'Imperious Caesar dead and turned
to clay may stop a hole to keep the
wind away." Paradise Lost, whose
composition exalted the sad leisure of
Milton's lonely old age, may become
a plaything for millionaires who never
dream of reading it. When King Ed
ward VI. was trying to reach, some
tiling on a shelf above his height
somebody put the Bible In a chair for
him to stand on. . "Take It away," ex
claimed the precociously pious young
king. "I will not put under foot the
book that God commanded me to keep
In my heart." Is It any more Irrev
erent to make the Bible a footstool
than to make It a toy for the idle
amusement of book collectors? These
persons would obtain fully as much
pleasure from collecting red-haired
pigs or half-length angle worms as
they do from Bibles and Morte D'Ar
thur. With them the collection Is
the thing. The pleasure lies In pos
sessing something, no matter what,
that lies beyond the means of anybody
else. It Is a purely selfish form of en
joyment and therefore not very ad
mirable. Of course, unique books ought to
be preserved from destruction some
where but the proper place for them
Is In a National museum. They are
put to shame by being bandied about
for the sport of Ulterate millionaires at
auctions. Surely the plutocrats who
bid against one another for these for
lorn and melancholy relics of the past
could find some better way to make a
show of their superfluous money. No
body .profits by the extravagant prices
they pay. The proceeds of the Hoe
auction go to an Impersonal estate
which was already quite as large as
an estate ought to be. Milton, who is
now so marvelously honored by the
price paid for his poem, wrote It In
poverty and neglect and sold it to an
unappreclatlve generation for a song.
The ghosts of "mighty poets In their
misery dead" must smile from their
thrones In paradise at the belated
Justice which Mr. Morgan's purse pays
to their fame.
The purchaser of the Guttenberg
Bible for $50,000 did not buy the
book to read. Far from It. If he
reads anything besides the sporting
paper and French novels we miss our
WASTED ENERGY.
Apropos to scientific management.
now so much discussed by labor re
formers. Mrs. Anna Scott of Kansas
City, tolls, us that the average house
wife wears herself out by taking use'
less steps and otherwise doing things
that do not count. Says a contempor
ary in commenting upon this state
ment and others based upon the
proposition of energy wasted upon
non-essentials and false motions:
"Possibly there Is no one exhibition
of energy misspent in useless flour
ishes more foolish than in legal writ
ing. A person is hurt. A lawyer says
he is bruised, wounded, contused, in
jured, cut and made to suffer great
pain, grief, agony and anguish of
mind and body. If other words oc
cur he puts them In. The redundant
verbiage of- a deed gave rise to the old
conundrum, 'When is a lawyer an
ass?' The answer was, 'When he
draws a conveyance.. "
Evidently on this testimony, "wast
ed energy" Is not a vice confined to
bricklayers and pig-iron handlers, as
depicted by Mr. Taylor, orlginattor of
"Scientific Management," nor of fussy
housewives.- as noted by Mrs. Scott,
since lawyers seem to be grievously
afflicted with it.
across the continent. Until the inter
ior cities can land water-borne freight
at their doors they can compete with
the Coast cities as distributing centers
only by the enforcement of unnatural
laws and rulings. Such laws, of
course, cannot operate permanently.
MOTHERS' DAT.
Mothers' Day! From the dawn of
civilization' through all the varying
stages of war and peace, of poverty
and affluence, of life In isolation and
in community, of toil and leisure
every day has been "Mothers' day."
It is only, however, within recent
years half a dozen perhaps that
appreciation of the love, the care, the
faithfulness of the mothers of the
race has taken form among us of
special recognition and observance. It
is thus that one day In each year has
been dedicated in honor of mothers
here and in tender memory of moth
ers risen.
Today. May 14, is the day set apart
for this purpose, and in thousands of
homes and in hundreds of pulpits this
day will be one sacred to the memory
of mothers gone from mortal sight,
but unforgotten, and of spoken recog
nition of the self-denying labors of
mothers still with us.
"Dear mother," we sas. as the ka
leidoscope of memory shifting brings
up a gentle face, perhaps crowned by
gray hair, perhaps framed In gold, ac
cording to the years of her earth life,
and with trembling emphasis we re
peat the words as the vision passes
again Into the shadow that divides
things seen from things unseen.
"Dear mother," we say with a smile
of appreciation and love as we look
across the table where sits the gray
haired mother in her second home
the home of her son or daughter
the lengthening shadows of life's
twilight gathering softly about her.
"Dear mother." we repeat again as
the glance shifts to the young mother
busily serving the children on her
right hand and on her left, or listen
ing Intently and sympathetically to
the tales and trials of the older ones,
encountered at school, on the play
ground or In the Initial battle of
life In the field of labor; and.
"dear, dear mother," we whisper as,
sick and suffering, we awake from a
feverish dream of isolation and mis
ery In the still watches of the night
to feel the touch of cool, soft bands
and hear her reassuring voice.
In a general way those of even ordl
nary sensibilities know and remem
ber and feel the things that stand for
mother love every day In the year.
It was with the idea of crystallizing
and giving expression to this feeling
that "Mothers' Day" was designated
and has come to be observed with
added fervor each passing year. In
spired by filial love, intensified by
filial gratitude, glorified by memory,
made glad by present, outspoken ap
preciation, may "Mothers' Day" con
tinue to grow in favor throughout the
land.
that other passage which describes the
man of God sitting at the"day's end
under his own vine and fig tree. The
concept is of a man who, after mod
erate toll, has time for adequate rest,
leisure to meditate on something be
sides bread and butter. Walt Whit
man could not "invite his'soul" with
out a chance to "lean and loafe" while
he was doing it. Loafing is indispens
able to productive effort. Much more
is it essential to the ripening of fine
taste. There can be no Springtime
without a Fall. Nature must have
the serene Indian Summer to rest in
before she can break into the bloom
of April.
The gospel of work has been
preached to many of us a little too
potently. Life la not all work, nor is
work the whole of life. It provides
the means of living, certainly, but is ,it
not rather improvident to fix the mind
altogether on the means and forget
the end? Many observers see with
dread the oncoming tides of democ
racy. What will happen to art and
literature when the mob has complete
control 'of everything? Forebodings
of this sort are not groundless. An
unlettered, brutalized mob would
make short work with much that we
value. It would not leave a great deal
of beauty after it had ravaged the face
of the earth. But inhere is a way to
make Invading democracy harmless.
We cannot keep power away from the
people, but we can give them leisure
to fit themselves for the possession
and use of power. If we are afraid
of the brutalized mob, let us make
haste to humanize it, as we ourselves
have been humanized, by allowing
time for rest and thought. Make Port
land as beautiful as it can be and give
the mob a full share in the power to
appreciate it, and nobody need fear
the future.
TOPICAL VERSE
THE BACK-HAIL CASK.
Any rule or system' by which the
working of a natural law of commerce
or Industry are set aside can have but
temporary effect. For that reason
the contention of Spokane and other
Interior cities In the case now being
heard before the Washington Rail
road Commission will not be perma
nently sustained. The merit of the
claim of the Coast ports to the advan
tages that necessarily follow water
competition has been and is so appar
ent that ultimate victory on that point
is practically assured. The present
demand of the Interior cities Is for a
lower carload rate from Coast ports
to Interior points. If this could be
secured without Coast Jobbers recelv
ing a corresponding reduction in the
less-than-carload rates the Interior
cities would have an advantage to
which their geographical location does
not entitle them.
It makes but little difference
whether this problem Is threshed over
before a state railroad commission or
the "Federal Commission. The basic
principle Involved Is the same and
unchangeable. That principle or base
from which all rates on Interstate or
Intrastate business must be figured Is
cost of service. Long before the rail
roads had crossed the continent and
entered Spokane and other Interior
points, the ocean carriers had -estab
lished rates. Quite naturally the Rail
road was forced to meet these rates,
They were much lower than the rates
which the railroads secured to points
farther inland where the effect of this
water .competition was not felt, but in
order to get any business at all the
railroad was forced to meet them. To
this, day, and until the end of time,
this water rate will remain the base
from which all rates must be figured
If the carload rate from Coast ports
to Spokane and other Interior cities Is
too high it should, on presentation of
proper evidence to that effect, be re
duced. It Is obvious, however, that
the Coast ports will not submit to a
reduction in carload rates unless there
Is a proportionate reduction In less-
than-carloa'd rates. There is at the
persent time very keen competition on
the water route between the Pacific
Northwest and Eastern points, and
the Coast cities are landing Immense
quantities of freight at rates so low
that the railroads make no attempt
to meet them. This competition will
Increase with the early completion of
the Panama Canal and In the not far
distant future the transcontinental
railroads, which are now making great
effort to retain a large share of this
through business, may show a prefers
once for the shorter but more profit
able back haul from the Pacific ports
where the water carriers drop their
burden. .
Under the rates that will be made
when the canal 4s In operation It will
be possible for the railroads to carry
this freight from the Pacific Coast far
Into the Rocky Mountain country fit
greater profit than it would be possi
ble to derive from the all-rail haul
- v DEMOCRACY AND LEISURE.
Many kindly persons hope to see a
time when the plain men and women
of the world shall learn to appreciate
art and music. The bricklayer will
feel the beauty of Botticelli's pictures.
The washerwoman will thrill to the
cadences of the Beethoven and follow
Bach's fugues with understanding de
light. , It would be harsh to say out
right that this charming vision never
can be realized, but great changes
must be brought about first. As mat
ters stand, the time of the ordinary,
lowly individual Is wholly consumed in
working and resting. He tolls until
he Is exhausted, and when the time
comes round to begin work again he is
scarcely recovered from the fatigues
of yesterday. The product of his la
bor is barely sufficient to keep him
in conditon to go on laboring, if we
remember the needs of his family.
Physical weariness deprives him of
the capacity to exert his mind. The
ptomaines of fatigue, which physi
cians have so much to say about of
late, dull his Intelligence. Often they
pervert his morals. An overweary
man is not a rational creature. Some
times he is not even a free moral
agent. His blood is poisoned and his
brain stupefied. How can we expect
him to deliberate wisely upon public
affairs? What place Is there for art.
literature and music In his brutalized
life?
The mob nrhlch haunts the streets
of Naples Is said by travelers to pos
sess wonderfully fine taste In music.
It hears great harmonies with delight
and the songs sung by the ragged beg
gars are miracles of beauty. In spite
of their 'poverty, these people have
mastered one of the great art modes.
To a thoughtful mind their virtuosity
might Indicate that correct taste Is
not dependent on wealth or even upon
the education of the schools. It
comes, does It not, rrom nahltual
dwelling with beauty? The Neapoli
tan beggar has-above him the lovely
Italian sky. Vesuvius is not far away,
and he has 'ever before his eyes the
enchantment of a matchless sea.
But there are other populations
whose surroundings are only less en
chanting than those of Naples, and
they have developed no more appre
ciation of art than a Hottentot. It
Is not enough to live among beautiful
objects. To & mind dulled by toil
nothing is lovely, nothing Is hideous.
Everything is of a hopeless and dreary
gray. The world is leaden to the
weary train. The saving trait of the
Neapolitan beggars Is their laziness.
All travelers agree that It Is impossible
to make them work. They will go
ragged, hungry and shelterless, but
they will not bind themselves to con
tinuous toll. Heaven preserve us from
praising laziness. We have no such
purpose, but between being .brutalized
by toil and by idleness what real dif
ference is there to the man himself?
To be sure. If he works he will make
profit for his employer, but let us for
a moment forget the employer and
think of the human- being. Moreover,
Idleness does not necessarily brutalize.
If it did, then our idle rich men would
all be brutes, while the truth is that
some of them are Ideally refined and
benevolent. The beggars of Naples
have not been utterly debased by in
dolence. It has afforded them leisure,
and, by hook or crook, from their leis
ure has flowed a lovely artistic gift
which, according to travelers, belongs
to all of them.
We find it difficult to distinguish
between the word "peace' as it is used
in the Bible and leisure. A writer in
the Forum for May devotes ' half .a
score of Its pages to describing what
leisure would do for the poor if they
only had a little of it. The Biblical
writers Invariably associate, righteous
ness and worship with the serenity of
ample resting time.. From the text
which tells us that peace shall flow
like a river, deep, calm, powerful, we
obtain the same mental image as from
EVERYBODY SATISFIED.
Secretary of "War Dickinson has re
tired from the Taft Cabinet because
he desired to resume the practice of
law; becauee he needed imperatively
to look after his neglected business
interests; because he wanted to spend
his declining years in th bosom of
his family; because a Democrat was
out of place In a Republican Cabinet;
because he was out of harmony over
Mexico with Secretary of War Knox;
and for other reasons which the fertile-brained
reporters have been able
to educe.
Whatever the reason, it will be
eminently satisfactory to everybody.
Doubtless it will transpire in time
that the War Secretary got out be
cause he was gently and politely
elbowed out by his fellow Cabinet
officers or because of a telepathic In
spiration conveyed In the usual mild
Taft manner that they really could
manage to get along without him.
President Taft asks nobody (except
Pinchot) to resign; and nobody re
signs as long as there is a way to
hold on.
The Taft Cabinet is respectable but
inexperienced, harmonious but tact
less, loyal but colorless. It has not
helped the Administration In the
general estimation. It contains no
popular figure. It has no one, or not
more than one or two, who has done.
anythlng notable in public life. It has
no political strategist. It has only
one or two who could carry his own
precinct In any election. If about one
half or more of the remainder of the
Cabinet will resign, and give Mr. Taft
a chance to appoint more Stlmsons,
the President may have occasion to
find that one source of dissatisfaction
and Indifference toward his Adminis
tration has disappeared.
Old Familiar Phases. .
(Melodrama of the cheap kind is dead.
A Manager.)
I have seen shows and I have witnessed
dramas.
In my days of childhood, in my salad
evenings;
All. all are gone, the old familiar
thrillers.''
I have gased at dramas done, by Held
and Kremer,
Langdon McCormick, ay, and Owen
Davis ,
All, all are gone, the old familiar playwrights.
Scraps and Jingles
Leone Cass Baer.
How I used to love
Village"!
How I would devour
Wayside"!
All, all are gone, the old familiar titles.
"Jessie Left the
"Fallen by the
How I used to gaze at the 24-sheets
Of the Mill at Night, of the Big Ex
plosion
All. all are gone, the old familiar
posters.
How I fain would fall for the Noble
Hero.
For the Lady Villain, for the Hounded
Heroine
My, how I loved them old familiar
standbys!
"Colse you, I would rather perish In the
guttah!
"Rags Is royal raiment- worn for
womlng's honah!"
All. . all are gone, the old familiar
phrases.
Drove to Its roon by the moving pic
tures.
Gone are the days of the palpitating
thriller
All, all are gone, the old familiar
thrillers.
New Tork Evening Mail.
A Thirsty Song.
Sing a song o' sixpence.
A pocket full o rye:
Four and twenty high balls.
Dumped In where it's dry.
When the drought Is broken.
His head begins to swim
Won't somebody please put
A rudder onto him?
Judge.
How now? Do our friends the
grangers really Intend to make us fast
from Saturday at 6 P. M. until 7 A. M.
on Monday? It would seem so from
the resolution adopted by the State
Grange to the effect that women shall
not be required to work during those
hours. That's what misguided men
a-et by belonging to an economic. In
dustrial, educational and semi-political
organization that admits women
on equal terms with themselves!
Short sighted. Indeed, was the man
who, under such circumstances, pro
posed the resolution In the State
Grange limiting men's work to six
days In the week. He might have
known that sauce for the gander
would have been made sauce for the
goose. However, a resolution is not a
law, so perhaps In stress of garden
ing, haying and harvest the husband
man will still be free to work Sunday,
the Sunday dinner will come on the
table at the usual hour; the children
will be washed, dressed and combed
as usual Sunday morning' and the
cows milked and the chickens and
pigs fed regardless of the theory that
prescribes one day of absolute rest
out of seven.
My Motor Girl.
Though Phyllis hath no motor car
She is a motor girl.
She chugs the highways near and far,
An sets them all awhlrl.
She speeds her soft and flashing eyes
Across life s thank-you-marms
Until the population lies
Prostrated by her charms.
She rides o'er me both day and night.
No matter what I say
She's ever on her onward flight
Along her own sweet way.
Into my eyes such dust she throws
That I can scarcely see.
And what's to her couleur do rose
Is gasoline to me.
She comes upon me unannouced
Like motors round a curve:
It makes no difference how I'm jounced.
She keeps right on the Bwerve;
And, when, with frowns upon my face
I tax -her for her speed
She gears up to a higher pace
With not a bit of heed.
When warnings show along the pike
She skids like one possessed;
No obstacles that she may strike
E'er sets her car at rest.
On, on it flies, fleet as the breeze.
Regardless of all rule;
She pays her fines with sighs that please
The heart of sage and fool.
Love is the chauffeur of her car,
His wheels are Vut her smiles;
They carry her to scenes afar
Steered by her whims and wiles.
Her beauty Is the power strong
That makes her motor start.
And when the twilight comes along
Her garage is my heart.
New York Sun.
George Cary Eggleston says in his
autobiography that the worst thing
Chauncey Depew did in his flowery
career was "to make corruption re
spectable." No doubt there Is some
such feeling on the subject of the
Woodburn Bachelors' Club. It makes.
not corruption exactly, but booze re
spectable. There la a good deal in
names. A saloon called by its proper
title is less harmful than when It is
elegantly spoken of as a "club."
John Diets was convicted, as all but
himself expected. In his long term of
imprisonment he will realize the futil
ity of fighting against law and order.
No man is bigger than the Govern
ment, no matter what his grievance
may be. Many will sympathize with
Diets because he was a poor man
fighting a big concern, but the lesson
la of value to others In like situation.
' Forest Grove, which has become
famous because of the "attendance"
of a noted physician, has gained
added distinction as the home of a
25-year-old mare that rejoices in pos
session of her first colt. It is hardly
necessary to add that she is extreme
ly proud of her offspring, for .that is
characteristic of deferred maternity.
The nineteen boxes of prunes la
beled "Oregon's Pride" that were
condemned as unfit by the pure food
people will not hurt the industry.
Careless people, make mistakes. There
is no likelihood of finding nineteen
more boxes of the kind.
The Terrible A. T.
4
Bring forth a fan for the woman or
man
With a far-away look in the eye
And the hair arranged on a curious
plan
And the voice that does naught but
sigh!
Let perfumes rare be set loose in the
air
And every purpose bent
To soothe the state that confronts us
there
''Of artistic temperament.
Let the. family work 'tis forbiddtn to
shirk
To scatter one path with flowers
And pluck out thorns that perchance
may lurk
In this tanglesome world of ours.
Let one be free from the duties which
we
Must face, ere we rest content;
For we lack that mystical tyranny
Of artistic temperament.,
Exchange.
Beauty and brains seldom trot In the
same race, and whenever they do beauty
Is usually several laps ahead.
e . e a
An example of commercial candor is
the advertisement of a local shop that
reads. "Evening gowns In various col
ors and materials, copies of French
models at three times their price."
a
I know a Portland woman who Is
worrying herself sick for fear whisk
ers will be In style when her little boy
grows up and he won't have a chance
to show his cunning dimples.
e e
Fond father says he's going to have
his son study medicine because a pre
crlptlon commands Infinitely more re
spect than a check.
e a
O' organ-grinder man
I wish you'd chase away
For I can't do a lick of work
When you decide to play.
I sit and gnash my teeth
And think In language strong.
And trust. In optimistic vein.
Tou won't stay very long,
Buf maddest am I when you play
That light sarcastic jest,
"There's rest for the weary,
Sweet, sweet rest."
I
My idea of an un-superior sort of
man is one who understands perfectly
what a woman is talking about when
she is describing another woman's
clothes. -
-
It's no worse for a woman to go to
a palmist to get her palm read than It
is for a man to go to a saloon to get
his nose red.
Women are petitioning the Legisla
ture to appoint police-women. It's a
cinch if such a thing comes to pass and
the feminine "finest" wear nice, natty
uniforms, and average In . the matter
of good-looks and charm with well
say trained nurses, every man will
make it a point to be arrested fre
quently.
m m w
Wanted A motor car that will be so
quiet on the street that you won't know
it's there until you're run over.
e
Woman writes saying "My husband
has been away over three years. Would
it be legal for me to marry again? If
I do and my second husband leaves me
can I sue him for maintenance"" Now,
that's what I call the real undismayed
spirit of looking ahead.
The "largest cake ever made" Is on
exhibition at a local bakery. Took six
weeks to bake It, and It contains a
bushel each of citron, nuts, plums and
dates, three sacks of sugar, etc, etc., ac
cording to sweet statistics. I can
imagine no more acceptable gift for a
young boy or girl.
e
If, as It Is declared, flying machines
are to be much safer than automobiles
to travel in, I predict that "seeking
safety in flight" will become a bro
midlon with fiction writers, and a fig
ure of speech without which no vo
cabulary will be complete.
m e e
When grandfather delved and grand
mother span no one asked "Which Is
the man?" But with haremized clothes
that seem scarce human, everyone asks
'Which Is the woman?"
Miss Calamity Step-and-fetch-lt, the
artistic and cultured, etc., lady-writer
from Kalama, complains that editors
have asked her repeatedly to write her
contributions on one side only of the
paper, and never tell her which side It
is that they prefer. Miss Calamity
sends along another complaint which
she calls:
"My Pale Emotion." .
Shafts of aheer silence, ere the darkling
uawn,
LUt, lambent laughter of aaffrnn iw
Athwart the azured ecitaiy of limned light
u langurou, oeama that subtly xweetly
cloy,
Pulae beat of hammered soul and naena
of pain,
Ro,e petal lu,h and leave, of lova to bind
(Read o'er this rot, thla driveling aluah.
And one word of meaning I defy you to
una.) '
Half a Century Ago
Their Sad Good-by.
He said goodby forever
With great disdain.
And vowed that he would never
See her again. -
The girl made ho endeavor
To have him stay.
He said goodby forever.
And went away.
Life's path Is full of dangers.
Of places bleak.
And they were utter strangers
For 'most a week.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Those Jews in Kiev, all the time in
fear of massacre, ought to buy a load
of American horse pistols and turn
'em loose at the "massacreers." As
they will be killed, anyway, they
might. Samsonlike, do a little rough
housing in transit.
There is value in a good name. For
example, Abraham Lincoln Barbur
received the largest vote at the pri
mary election and the largest ma
jority. J
Over th Asphalt Sea.
O sail with me o'er the asphalt sea.
The tide doth favor us;
Though the waves beat high, both snug
and dry
Is the good ship Motor Bus.
Like a racer brave she takes the wave
That would her course disturb,
From her upper deck we count each
wreck
Aerottlng on the curb!
As down she sinks from billows' brinks
She quivers to the keel;
Thank God for the hand that's In com
mand
And the stout heart at the wheel!
There's many a shoal to try the soul
And many a depth unplumbed;
Of course we mark by the noble bark
That to the sea succumbed.
O sail with me o'er the asphalt sea
In this gallant craft of mine;
The bravest choose the avenues, '
Let cowards sail the brine.
. . New York Times.
From The Orernnlan v u ism
The thanks of The Oregonlan estab
lishment are due to friends who as
sisted in raising a liberty pole, from
which to unfurl the stars and stripes.
We Intend to keep our colors flying dur
ing the pendency of present National
troubles.
The withdrawal of U. S. trooDS from
Oregon suggests the lda that volun
teers may have to be called to keep'
down the Indians.
The Washington Territory Democratic
convention met at Vancouver at 10
o'clock yesterday and was called to order
by Mr. Van Bokkelen, chairman of the
territorial central committee. Until to
morrow, the people of Portland will have
to keep cool and wait for the report.
I. I. Stevens' chanoed are considered to
be the best.
Salem, May 10-A large and enthu
siastic union meeting was held here last
evening at only a few hours' notice. The
nag was run up at sunset (we keep it
up pretty much all the time here), and
a National salute fired accompanied by
hearty cheers for the Union. Adjourn
ing to the Courthouse the large crowd
enrolled themselves by hundreds In the
ranks of a Union Club, which is to meet
once a week.
Soaked.
There never was mud like the Texas
mud.
There never were rains so wet;
Our soldier lads are adrift in the flood
No wonder they growl and fret.
The torrent slides down from tne can
vas roof.
It drowneth the hero's bed;
The wind rushes by with a startling
whoof!
For war is what Sherman said!
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Balt-Headed Men, Take Notice.
St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Few St. Loulsans are so notoriously
bald as Walter Hill, president of the
Mechanics-American Bank. The other
day a friend thrust his head into Mr.
Hill's office.
'Getting up In the 'world, aren't
you?"
'Huh?' Mr. Hill paid.
I understand they have named a
new town for you."
'That so?" the banker responded,
not unflattered by the news.
Yea some place down on the Iron
Mountain."
That's funny." Mr. Hill said. "I
don't know anything about it. What's
the name of the town?"
"Bad Knob," the friend said, with
drawing uproariously.
, I
Railway Reach and No Curve.
Philadelphia Record.
The longest reach of railway without
a curve Is said to be that of the Argen
tine Pacific Railway from Buenos
Aires to the foot of the Andes. For
a stretch of 211 miles it is without
a curve, and has no cutting or em
bankment deeper than two or three
feet.
Her Bitter Rejoinder.
Smart Set.
. Dolly Handsome Mr. Rogers danced!
with me three times!
Molly Well, It's a charity ball, yea
know, - ';