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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 12, 1911)
r J 1 I WW irk xMhhm -I .t AL0 .TTr.rTI TO NKR TUB T r,t tor Orrtoitiin r. mul rea- I In how moch mora fy!h calUO loo If it cot r yard. Ir Sir: Who n' fi tyl?" Tt i rr"rt xpl'l'l by l b!ond voir M.-h !iM In our Pt-ttv Of. f In N Y with hohb!y klrt and don t-..-m tat of fMonbl appaaranca. I; tti iti.1 " C'tabratr.1 Irtah Jrm of Sth A, N. T, h spuk t!. m if fvl?- h pro- r Htnmrit!n. prhap. onnc f-nnm N'ort with xprMn cf or. .:! has Salom' and far Both- Who snake t" style?- h rom nti -iittr'lA rerdts cf Negri n?'f pen-T-flmlc. J'm rt la to mo for every crlm that happens, a. $- OTin mad tbo Trtff. Aa- rrwiU mad tbo liaru. and 80- n triaj Mttauk fimooi Now, :.oa Is. Wfco oukx tbo style?"" .vtTbo thT Brow that way. prbrr r-tw tffMy. ' A.i. boj" sh decor, ""nothing In Na crow tbo way tbo BtylrS dor. So thy rrrnut from ladle la un - dtrctloe.. Ea Lather Bur nit wouM not tro to wok such po- B"l-r ni.uSturo. On year thoy war -.hnp-oot skirt with tot rreb!lng lor; rf year they arrang lurk-ln skirt with h: emerging idwl llko roof on i".I--m paco-ta: tKno year lad' I bu!g4 by buts. Bt yar thy ar pa!T"d aX boIdr by awolloa i:k. Each t'mo wim-tblr-f d:fTrr.t from what Bt. K--h Pprtn: arrltw with faMonabl d' rur3i'nt of a bw vaty. Ladlr aro r.vr ArtrmrA two jrars In tho amo rlac. but thy aro always tlx4 cr that Adam would BTr rrornlt frr a rUt-d to M rlbo. And to I rrp-'al th r julrmat: Who cnak tho t l "Why ar yon lntr;i to know tbi rrjIyT' I r-'iulre nrryrly. -rwaua wr." sh rrproof. "I am Prr-1-dnt of tho Am!caaiated Drnakr r.f Amr1a. Fprtrc afTtr hro ann y. All lad of th kt-!C'iom la b mmlr.g rrt)i to know what fashlosa in ttrt lri'.rfe rf for 1'IU but I am h!p ! t,- t't thm bwuo I am not awaro. If tou cu!d t'l m Who makr tho tylra. I ould that mytrJouo Prr ci and Uarn about tbm 1911 faxhlo b?rtro ctbr tfrnvker arrlTs tbr Vo.i la m to un.-ovr Ihio Stylo Mk.r witi. my letcty bralnr I ak O'tl. i p-4 to 6a'." ah Itollup. "and I i-!I rrd yo. wl'h on y-ar' uh artpitori t 'Hattermllk Xomo Tattem i. -a.i.' " J thark hor with alt tb bor-rowor of my braio and depart aoay tak'rj Couala N'l ur.dr my !bow. t a N-1! "lopo rtirIy throuch Nw Yor :t-mpt!r c to And out. To vry flnnbl Ulr-hn- wo o aod roulr. -vt!o make tbo ty"" but tholr only Tpiy was rud kl.k-tp for ua V t- Tral Nowp-t ladytt walklns rar tblr ottomobl'.. but thy nn-rrly t-row ua h.- glance. Tlrrd fort onjnyad I r u. At lat!y wo o mak look-o throtiBh le.t a.d-away trot. And whll d"lntf o mt a Mth.vltt fhurrh tanllrc -T'y by a rarr.rr w'th following Ua d: t octly nun-.rtd on It: I-RKS. LECTt'KF.; t It. Mr. IJ!!yharomer Will on Mak Talk TJIU SIN OF Arrive Insid and FASHION." H Welcome! jlj ha" I boi's with Shylock Holm) vol.-. -this wouhi b good plac to Uarn wat Is." -Would t!ii amusing to hear? ra- e.'ilr my T'olie!l Coualn. -f'Tv lecture are sever amusing to I-.r." I dtN lr.. ! pa for u We find Rv. IJ'.lylammer making In aurcert t:k. He do creat loo,unc to .- au-lienc with unfashloaabi elbows. hn ho talk I bwm slepful airea.ly. -Fellow sinners." bo exrlatm. "faablon causes each year more death than any o'r disease. cpt aviation. Rom t-'.l ard so did th Republican party. rr P-rcaueo to mar pVnators was t :inktag ituut their recktl and neg Uctirc thc r brilns. S'neers are conttn ua'lv found loitering around Rncllsh taM-c- s-.op and Fart dress store. Fin ci'.i'herv I tho rulnry ohtroctlo of 4,-raaer. li axg utpljia tut Ptcttjr , WHO MAKES THE STYLES? TRTM. HT Till K ." la-!y to think ab"Ut her aoul when hrr head ln.. of a t& bat. Marrta' may be mad In Havn. but Style ara not manufactured In that Ie'rabl lo rtltn. Ara you ar who nkea th etti.o- -Whn do?" h"tla m Noa-I toa-ether mrln llshtly from our lumber condition. "Th Deftl do'" ho otter with Mtlinehod r.t. o birial I -t!up, "Thank you io many. Mr. 8!r. I'la, If convenient. could you aire us tba aadresa or inn (real Manufacturer?" "II reaMea down Thero. snusserH Hon. rrarh polntlnr m Oen. Ilrctlon of N. T. Huboay. M Nosl l.p with aemes be trayed in our footwr. At lb Subway I riutr from Hon. Tl-ht Man. "I'lease. Mr. Sir. hav you en tk.o Peril T" "No." h report, "but I frequently catch Mm from tho P""." Mo A N"l could not aaalrr.llato th word b aaud It- So wo tool by Subway Entranco iifp Ir.tj to obaertr thl tvtl aentleman w'jn be arrive up- Kor hour by hour wo stood ther. raat m went many 1'Ow of butchers. Ic-manufacturers. theatrt ral manacrs and others of pure .lve. but no Ixvll approach to burst tho monotony. ITetty oonly mldnlht tx ploe. and nestly cam 1 A. M. by elo--c arknas stood everywhere and th Mreet was riled with silence snd other 4rook:ya noises. Mak listening hark What wsr Plstinctually fmm 3 Street - could hear fcetatepa approaching with lame expression peculiar to goat walking In t'sh.t aboes. iHtrksora Pirur arrive wearing i:k-top bat and dresa suit of sinful appearance. Ills fac contained a prc tied etc complexion, charcoal whlawor and red ye colored to resem M tall lights on ottomoblle. He was smoking gaa-pip and blowing fire works from hi ears. From th spear mint tail which pok out obtrusively 8 iWk l! Iw J WM BCLCUME TO OtR CITY. YFI I IT 1l'. DF.V, LICUTI.NU CIGAHETTES moM kuu ur uis tail. rnriLAK avomi untAomE for 1 from beneath Ms occratic overcoat via sure who It was. It was Him! "W must follow him with gum slip pers '." I snaggcr to Nufl. This tvll gentleman (Tor of such 't weret start to descend downward diw-i Subway steps. Me Nogl do llkcsom to him. Down snd more down ho ma!k. Me A Noel mak similar steps. "I did not realis how long these F'lb way stairs could be!" holla Nogl,Xbut I pok him swift nuj. Down snd more- donly descend Hon. Ivll. Ws could ohserv the stHlrs reaching 1 miles deeply snd even more. To wher will this lead us tor' re quire Nogt. ritrancles fr him. For S continued hours wo make this down travel our legs becoming spiral from fatls-iies. Hut Hon. lrvl! still refuse to ariivs at bottom. At lastly, when w was rauMng to rrab our breathe. Hon. Ievll make sud den turn sround and say with irweet smn.'t fK a mule: "JiMnrM s.-hoolboys, aro you aware to wher thl statrwsv leads tor' To where, please?" w require frlcht. -To Lr ha anuccer. for "O! w thoucht It led to Subway!" w revok with dleappolntment. "l Is pronounced with an accent on th II In th olaco wher I come from," he explain with teeth. "If you ara going mv wav. com on." Mo he fasten us esch by his hand and nest w knowed w sif descending wun complete rapidity. Downly Downly Downly we descend that rapid atalrwav. till. O sudden !Wa discovered we had arrived to a Fourth of July place filled with Intense heats snd smelling like a fir In a match factory "W aro here." snuggest with cocktail voice. Hon. Dev. I obaerv It." I retaliate, for I could se llttl Imply feends clustering sround Hon. Boss with red-hot politeness. I "Welcome to our city." yellup Hon. I nv lighting cigarettes from the end of his tall, ".now wnat in oo you ui here?" i Tleas. Mr. Sir." I gollup. "Spring are soon I r expected to arrive, aa usuaL Kaste'r will be seen on 5th Ave:, N. T.. In tho midst of considerable fashion. Hon. Freacher say ao The Devil makea the styles.' If thus la truthful, please what will be worn by folks in 1911?" Hon. Devil beckon with Ignited fingers to fat blue Feend who danued nearby. "Henry," he require, "hsve you got the keys' to the Cloak and Suit Deptr "Yes. Your Royal Sinfulness," holla Fat Feend. So he led us up a slight volcano where we approached with angry Irritation of boiled molasses raining down our col lars. Pretty soonly we arrive to roast ed door of Pittsburg appearance. This door was dlstlnctually labelled: DEPARTMENT OF FITL'RE STYLES ENTER AND BE HOPELESS This department was enormalous place surrounded by lock-away closets for stylish clothes. Standing In tempted at titudes evorywberes was beautiful cloak models made of wrought Iron with brimstone faces. A demonly Floorwalk er of extreme farenhelt was displaying styles to unhappy souls who must ex amine them because of their sinfulness. "We aro having a fire sale today." commune Hon. Satan shooting blue blzes through his eyelids. "Come along side of me and I shall show what will be worn for Msrch to August, 1311." On First Iron Model several imply dresemakes was arranging a tearown re sembling a one-legged pa-Jama, tied with pink rope under the arms and spread'ng outwards around the neck like an as tonished parssoL "This wMl be called the Madame Re creamer style," says Hon. Dev. "It waa so named becau-e of Its resemblance to French history" of that name. It w'll be cut with slight Isadora Duncan ef fect around the knees and will be worn with a careless expression. The hair, witi this costume, must be brushed flat and worn In a tight wasp in the back to resemble Mrs. Wlggs of the Cabbage Patch. It will be entirely chick." "It appear delidously uncomfortable," I snuggest. "That is one of the advantages of the tries made In Hades." retard Ch'ef Boiler. "They are painful to wear and painful to look at." No intellectual reply for me Nogl. "A new corset called the Hurtmore will be attached to this style." snuggest Hon. Devil. "Please look at Model 23 for this." On cast Iron shape of feminine pro portions we observe this delicious rw etry. It was a dainty straight-jacket composed solidly of plaster of Paris, so neatly arranged that Hon. Lady must stand in military attitude while wear ing It. "I can Imagine Ladles getting into this corset." I negotiate, "but how should she ever get out?" "So ha! That is the humerous Joke of it! She never does," howell that Fire Chief. "When Ijidy wishes to wear this corset ahe hires a sculptor who pours plaster of Paris around her love- Iv flsser. If she Is young at tne time that operation makes her permanently beautiful and she never escapes from her corset till death parts her.' Iliinnv expression by me. "Will hats be worn during this 1311?" require Nogl for l'ght Interview. See Model 411." says Hon. Dev. We look with simultaneous eyes, and there we heholt a small Irish devil nail ing a gilt frnme containing a portrait of Wm. H. Taft on the head of a female tin model of French extraction. These are called Tlcture Hnts and will be consldersbly fashionable for Spring." dorsnge this Santanicus. "This hat Is not only useless, but it is also very hideous. We expect everybody to buy one." "Must they all contain pictures of Hon, Taft?" I reoulre. "Ah surely no!" say him. "These hats can bo trimmed with portraits of Hon. Cnruso. Governor Woodrow Wilson, Shakespeare or any other famous mytho- locical character at slight extra ex pense. I am also attempting to make the Tarantula Hat popular among Suf- frarettea for this season." he confab. "What should this Tarantula Hat be?" r Interrogate. "Th's mllllnary is composed entirely of hat-nlns." snuccest him. These num- berous pins are each t feet lengthwise and are so arranged that they cover the head on top and stick out sldewlse from all directions. On tip point of each hat pin Is deposed a alight particle of cyanide of potassium, so tuai gentle men, when meeting ladles in the mldnt of. political riots, can enjoy death by scratches and ecaso to argue their opin ions. This will prove that Wonun'l place is not in the home." Surprised expressions for me tt Nogl Will cents be also disfigured by some beautiful costumes for lull?" I require nervelv. The Great Heater beckon to Fat Ttcomnn. "Henry." he acknowledged, "kindly to show these tourists to Gents- Furnishing Dent." Accompanied by devlish courtesy we arrive to 3rd basement floor. In midst of fireworks, explosions and general cookery we seen 76 assistant Impers manufacturing red-hot. sheet Iron to fashionable suit of most pecullarous ap pearance. We could not assimuiate tne reason for this doming, Decauae mo psnts was on top and the coat below. "How could folks feel appropriate whiie standing in this reversed suit?" I ask out. So ha!" ssys Hon. Devil. "Tnis is our new Aviation Suit, built with a Lon don accent. It must be entirely pleas ant for folks who ride in aroplanes, be cause it Is worn In such a confused wsy that aviators can fall out or tne any ana folks will never know whether they are down-side-up or top-slde-revcrse. lou wish to have such a suit ime tni7 Please no!" I elocute. "l leei very comfort in my shabby dress.' This gentleman wish to try on mat hot stvle. communicate rion. Mian while 88 impers of football appearance approach up leading that red-balxed clothing with them. Excuse me please not to oo: i nona with elevated hairs. Barytone smues heard everywhere while 82 complete feend make grabb to me with scorched thumbs. They open that Aviation Suit which twinkle with turkey-roast expres sion. By magllflcent lirt tney anee mo In midair, then attempts to poke me Into that heated tallorsnip. vt nn one uc- pert splunge I arouse my vocai voice io following rawcuss yall: O hara-kiri! f lease, i am unuinum to thla roast When I elevated my eyebrows I dish covered myself setting In middle of Free lycture at Methodist Church while Rev. Hon. Llllyhsmmer observe me with ex pression of angry rages. .... i . K m ttfrivtft abrun- ABniilluia . w ... r 1- "I can forgive you ror Deing a nr th'.n. hut I shall not permit you to bring noisy nightmare Into my Lecture." "I excuse your irapuaemr. X num. . v, ...... t heen present to your I-ecture. I have been making style-talk with Hon. Satan In his Subway." Please return mere, snuo nun. lyhammer. while uia nexton imm mo to steps outside where I arrive brutally on th eat of my stomacn nouns imiu- pletely bounced. Hoping you arc mo Yours truly. HAHHlMfRA TOGO. (Copyright. 1911. by the Associated Ut- entry His Opinion. Do you believe there really is any ... . i . 1.. .f..tlnn. ttn- SUc-h tning aa pimiFi.. Dfrk queried Dobson. "Well." said Henpeek. scratching his head reflectively. "I bellve that after li,. or six strenuous year of married jif one can .acquire it." Some Live DR. CUPID TURNS BY IRVIN S. COBB. ELL," I said briskly by way of beginning the interview, "your particular day will soon be here, won't It?" "What day which day?" he answered back. I looked at him In some surprise. I was addressing Dan Cupid, the Greek God of Love with the South-of-Ireland name. He was not dressed as custom arily shown in his portraits in a pair of property wings and a practical bow and arrow. He wore one of those snappy suits for varsity men and he carried a neat valise, and I saw the end of a fountain pen showing In his upper right-hand waistcoat pocket. "What day were you referring tor he repeated, tapping his cigarette on the case to shake a little Turkish American fluff off the tip. "The fourteenth of February, of course," I aald. "St- Valentine's day, you know?" "Why St. sisted. "Because.1 when from Valentine's day?" he per- I said, "that's the day time immemorial lovers plight their troth and exchange tokens of affection and the birds made and and and all that sort of thing:, you know." "What birds?" he said. "Why. the song birds." I said, "our feathered friends, the winged warblers of the wildwood." "My friend." said he. "let "us remain perfectly calm.' Did you ever pause to consider what kind of weather x we usually have in this climate in the middle of February? Well, stop a min ute and think It over! What chance would any bird have of doing any mat ing with nine Inches of snow on the ground and four inches of Ice on th water? Hi first little tweet-tweet would freze solid in his throat and choke him to death. Besides, there are only two kinds of birds now that really amount to anything. In the popular estimation one is the kind you eat for forty cents a bite in a restaurant, and the other is the kind you stuff and put on the hat of a lady member of the S. P. C. A. In this hurrying com mercial age all birds except 'millinery birds and menu birds run for the es timable Sweeney." "But the human lovers?" I insisted. "How about them, who are your es pecial charges? Do they not still fol low the old custom of exchanging trib utes of affection on St. Valentine's day? I remember when we were kids that " "Ah, haw." said Cupid briskly, "no doubt you do no doubt in the world about It I remember them myself dis tinctly the flimsy paper contrapshuns trimmed with the same kind of lace that they used to use on boxes of fan.cy toilet soap, or in the extreme cases, flat boxes containing silk and plush monstrosities perfumed with musk or open-air perfumery and decorated with those embroidered moss roses, such as you only see now on a pair of gift sus penders or the ceremonial neckties of a Polack bridegroom. "You may also recall that for every sweetly sentimental token that went forth upon its mission of affection, burdened with scrapbook pictures and short extracts from the poetic works of Mary Jane Mush, there were circu lated about a thousand of those quaint little remembrances called comics, that carried a barb for some sensitive soul In every line of the cruel picture and every word of the brutal verse. I might add that it seems to be a characteristic sign of the times that the volume of the sentimental stuff and guff Is fall- TKVT Kt UN A CM THE N O. my dear," said the Colonel. "I wouldn't worry myself Into a conniption fit tryln' to keep him lookin' like he'd Just stepped out of a bandbox. In the first place, you can't do It; in the second place. It would be the worse for him If you could." "But I can't let him go dirty," per sisted Mrs. Rollins. "Well. now. honey," drawled her father, "that depends entirely on what you call dirty. Your ma Insists sometimes inai our house l so dirty that she Just can't get her breath, when as a matter of fact you coudn't find a speck of dust with a telescope. This mstter o' dirt gets to be a sort of an obsession wun io'.s a women and tney minx inejr iui m make their boys live up to their ideas along that line. Well, It has been done, but some mighty good boys have been snolled in the doln'. For an Bbaoiutely snick and span clean boy ain't accordin' to nature. Why? For the simple reason that play, outdoor play. Is the natural outpourln' of the boy's vitality; it's na ture's way, as I've told you time and again, of buildin' him up; and whatever you do to restrict what you mlgnt can his legitimate freedom of play hampers . i I 1 I i.h.1k hi. ilav.lnn. nature ana emer muua uoy-a. ... u. . ment or puts a kink In his character- maybe both. Now, no boy on earth can turn him self and get the right Joy out of hiplay without collectin' a little dirt in the process. If he's got to keep himself spotless, his hair curled and his snoes shlned lust so. he might as well stay in the house and play with his sister's dolls like the perfect little lady his mother Is tryln' to make of him. It's always been nuzzle to me to understand wny so manv women want to make rtssles out o their boys. They tog their kids up as if for a full-dress parade and then tell 'em s-n out and Dlay. 'But, mind you don't get your clothes dirty.' Might Just as well tell 'em to go swimrmn , i ayw out o' the water, it tne Doy ns imuu of his own, he goes ahead and plays, and hen he comes In he aon i won un.e i did when he went out. But if he bit t,iA .ta haa heen bullyragged until he afraid to touch a tree, much less climb one. why. "he ll have to stay out o' the rough play that makes men and confine himself to gentle exercise, like walkln' n4 down the navement. That, my dear, is where the makin" of a, sissie boy begins, and if there's one thing the normal boy dislikes more than another it's the sissie. solely and wholly because he ain't accordin' to nature. He's a violation of the laws of boy life. He can't play, and there fore he has no companions m-j-be, some others who are being brought in the ame lady-like way. His fear of the consequences of dirt makes htm finicky or cowardly in other ways and he's pretty likely to be the sort that makes a. lot o' fuss about little hurts and who runs to mother or teacher with loud complaints about his treatment by other boys. It Isn't always the young ster's fault. Most often his character Is Talks With THE LIMELIGHT ON ST. Ing off. -whereas the run in comics continued unabated." "For one whose trade has always been the bringing of true hearts to gether, you speak somewhat cynically," I ventured. "Why shouldn"t I?" he replied. "Hasn't the course of true love become largely a Joy ride? No longer does a young man seek inspiration in books of love songs. No longer does he write couplets to his lady's hair. In the first place, unless he's a mighty swift little coupler, the lady is liable to change . the color of the hair before he can get the verses done. And. in the second place, if he consults any work of ref erence at all during the early stages of the courtship period, it's apt to be Bradstreet's to see what her father's rating is. if any. For moderation is his guiding star and prudence walks at his side, and one cannot be too careful in a case like thiB. As for the object of his affections. I would defy him to send her an evidence of his regard that didn't set him back for at least two weeks of his salary. Suppose she's ex pecting all the orchids that have been produced in this country this year, and all she gets is a measly little thirty dollar bunch of American Beauty roses? Why. she gives him the maidenly yet derisive titter. For love laughs at a lot of things besides locksmiths these times. Anyway, why should either of the devoted pair waste any too much time on the preliminaries in these days of modern conveniences in residences and matrimony. She knows that any time he should grow an incompatible mustache or develop an odious and un endurable taste In neckties or do any of the other little things that have made marriage a ninety-day option In stead of a life contract, she has but to catch the first train traveling West to ward Nevada, and soon all will be over between them except the alimony. "Fact is." continued Cupid, borrowing a fresh light from me. "I feel more and more like a back number all the time. In the early stages of my game, it used to be Cupid first and then Hymen that was before Hymen went so gener ally into the retail clothing business and then, after a suitable period of time, there followed in order the linen wedding, the china wedding, the silver wedding, the amalgam fillings wed ding, and finally at the end of fifty long years, the aged couple, surround ed by their smiling descendants, cele brated their golden Jubilee on gold plates, or rubber ones if they couldn't afford what the dentists charge for the gold kind. "But since then a large number of reforms have been made in the sys tem. Mind you, I'm not saying that there aren't a good many old-fashioned preachers and a few others left who think that when a man and a woman take each other for better or worse, they both ought to make some sort of effort to stick it out, no matter if the best they get is always the worst of it. But our divorcees are batting the way the newest recruit from- the bush leagues always does on the big team before the season opens. From the altar to the law shop is but a step. Today we are reading the list of brides maids and the names of the clubs the groom belongs to, and tomorrow Act 1 Is being staged out at dear, handy, little old Reno, where we get our smoked champions and our white washed decrees from, with Colonel Putnam ARUnder appearing for the plaintiff, Grinn & Barret for the de fendant, and up on the bench, under a neat sign placard inscribed 'Do It Now,' the kind-faced old Judge, busy as a Swiss bell ringer, passing out the pa pers with both hands at once. "And now, while we're telling each other our real names, I might as well OF Till BO SISSIE AND THE warped by the mother's desire to make a perfect little angel out of him, a Job nobody ever succeeded at yet without killin' the child. Too often she trains him up so close to heaven that the pearly gates open and take him in, and oftener still she causes him to go through life a physical wreck because he was deprived of the play that would have given him a healthy foundation of bone and muscle. "No, slr-ee, my dear little girl. If won't do. It's all right to keep your boy clean and to see that he's neat and comfortably dressed. I think neat ness is a mighty fine attribute of man hood, and I can't help but think a little less of the man whose collar Is always soiled. But when you would sacrifice your boy's health and happiness at the altar of soap you are makln' an evil thing out of a good thing. Let him plav as free as the wind; let him be natural, normal boy not a rowdy, but one who will give and take with the same good nature and- with the proper regard for the rlphts and feelin s of the other boys; let him play that way and he'll be all the better for it in the long run, even If he does soil his hands and muss his clothes while he's at It. "And there's 'nother result of attachin" too much importance to the clothes and cleanness of a boy that maybe you never thought of. If he happens to be Influenced by the eternal naggln' about his looks he'll get to thinkin' after awhile that what he wears Is a bigger thing than what he Is; that clothes make the man, and that because he happens to be dress In' a little better than some other boys he's superior to 'em. He gets to measur in' people by what they have on 'em, in stead of by what them have in 'em, as too many grown folks do. He turns up his nose at the boy- with a smudge on his cheek and a hole in his stockin' an' bows down before the boy who can put on more side, as' the English say, than he can. "In other words, honey, he gets to be a little snob, and if there's one thing a real man can't abide it's a snob. To put that notion into a boy's head is startln' him off on the wrong foot; it's handi canpin' him for life maybe, for if the idea is once fixed It'll take some mighty hard tussles with experience to get it out of him. There's a few reformed snobs in the world, but I never saw but one or two. and they found out the truth about themselves too late to do em any good. And ten chances to one the boy isn't to blame at all in the beglnnin'. I don't suppose there ever was a snno wno wasn't homemade. He gets it from his mother's teachin's sometimes from his father's, too. He gets it from the talk ha hears around the table and at the fireside. Maybe it isn t Just clothes. Maybe It's a whole lot o' things that money stands for. like fine houses and servants and automobiles. Maybe it's pedigree or culture. These things are fine to have, and It's all right to be si lently proud of 'em, but when the boy is made to believe that they and not char acter are the? yardsticks to measure up his associates by, then well, I'm dog gone sorry for that boy. ' I m not at all afraid tnat anything you can do or say is goln' to make a sissie or a snob out o' little BilL He's too much of a real genuine boy to be seriously hurt by your sermons on soap, and although he Dead Ones ; VALENTINE'S DAY. confess to you that there has always been quite a lot of bunk about the poetic side of this calling of mine. There's no time in his whole life that a man looks and acts as much like an Idiot and has so many distressful Idiotic thoughts sloshing around in his mind as when he's in love, except Just once, and that's when he's getting mar ried. Lovemaking can only be done gracefully in lfction and on the stage, never in real life by a man whose pants show a congenital inclination to bag at the knees, anyhow. Romeo was a hit as a lover under a balcony, and Kyrle Bellew can do It beautifully in a dress suit along toward the end of the second act, but Just think what has happened to both of them. Romeo is dead, having died in a tomb, which is my idea of no place to expire unless you want to cheat yourself out of a lodge funeral. And look how often Kyrle has to play those bum road dates! In private, the ardent swain pictures himself dropping upon one knee and handing out a proposal couched in such language that the lady fair will think she's listening to all the mocking blids in the world sing ing at once. But when the time comes, he either says 'How about it, Mame?' and she says, 'Oh, George!' Just like that, and then they go to a clinch, which is the natural and proper way; or else he gets a ringing In the ears and his tongue swells up to a size where if it ever escaped from his mouth he'd never be able to crowd it back into his hat. and the power of articulation deserts him to such an extent that? he can only make sounds like suds in a sink. But the girl, who has been waiting for this painful yet necessary moment-any time these last six months, takes pity on him and murmurs 'Yes,' knowing. If she knows anything at all, that he will no doubt recover the power of direct and intelli gible speech by the time the honey moon wanes. "When engaged in the cheerful form of torture known as getting married, he can look and act even foolisher than that. The man doesn't live who can come up a church aisle for his own wedding without moving along like a club-footed piano mover trying to walk a high wire. No matter how brave he may be ordinarily, on this occasion he is as full of yellow streaks as a double yolk egg. His dress suit not quite fitting him and his hands and feet behave as if he'd borrowed them for Just a min ute from a total stranger of another nationality, and he nearly always for gets the ring. As a matter of fact. I've always believed the bridegroom should carry the ring In his nose in stead of his pocket, as a symbol of the blessed state upon which he is now entering. Reaching the altar, he tun usually be depended upon to stand on his own toes, and after the ceremony he's morally sure to trip over his ankles on the way out. In a vain ef fort to walk around them, the organist behind the three potted palms from tho local florist meanwhile playing 'Blest Be the Tie That Uster Bind, But Doesn't Any More.' "And after that, my share In tho affair is over admitting that I ever had any share and the happy coupl settle down to see whether they'ro really going to be able to stand it or not. If the union was founded on some common sense and more or less senti ment, it will generally last, being sup ported by the common sense long after the other ingredient has played out, hut if it was based on sentiment alone, it loses its shape, color and rtyle like a comic supplement that's been left out In the rain over night." "Then you don't think," I said, "that the married life which lasts is a long, fair dream of content?" "It's more apt to be a long distanca endurance match," said Cupid sourly. SNOB needs, and every other natural boy needs, some maybe a whole lot o' that kind o' preachin' to keep 'em from goln' wild, yet you ought to be almighty proud that you can't keep his hair in curl papers, that he won't wear ruffles on his collars and that he will get his hands and clothes dirty when he plays, for these are some of the evidences that he's got the makln' of a man in him." (Copyright. 1311, by C. B. Yost.) STRIKES AMONG STUDENTS Incidents of College Life Here, in Europe and Orient. New York Evening Post. "Strikes" among students are not confined to this country, or even to the Western wcrld. There was recently delivered at Foochow College. China, an address by a teacher who had experi enced an organized cessation of work worthy of the most enlightened school. Mr Ling, himself a graduate of Foo chow of 10 years' standing, thus told his story: "While occupying a chair in Nanyang College, I had the pleasure of teaching a second class, which, when examina tion came, demanded that before exam ination. 30 questions from the whole book should be prepared, and that on examination 10 questions out of the 30 should be given them. To them this was an old custom of the school, but to me this was a dishonest act. which I have never done in my life. Of course, the request I at once gently refused to grant. As a consequence, the students formed a very strong "union." and on the Monday following the examinations, they made a complete "strike" by not appearing in class. How the matter was settled, Mr. Ling omits to reveal, but he goes on to dis close a student usurpation that lo cates a progress in education beyond anything we have yet reached. Euro pean or American teachers, he declares, are seldom found in the Chinese gov ernment schools, because of their rep utation for maintaining discipline. If, by oversight, one is employed, the stu dents go to the director with the re quest that he secure a Japanese in structor when the Westerner's contract has expired. The director can but "ac quiesce." Why they should wait until the contract expires, is rather puzzling to one not familiar with the scruples that weigh with the up-to-date pupil. But their preference for the Japanese . -u,, ovnlicable. Not only must these Instructors usually teach through interpreters, but ineir meLuuu . to lecture or to solve problems, leaving the students free from anything like a i.nr, until examination time. What that amounts to has already been seen. Quarry Blasts and Chickens. P'ttsburg Gazette, nrmm In the vicinity of the state road quarry near Rising Sun. Md., have been unable to hatch any chickens be cause of the heavy blasts. Jrf
