A.
HASHIMURA TOGO,
ST.
ORKIU A TtlKURITtH
TO EDITOR OREGON! AN, whose
paper always contains several
heart-throbs regardless of Valen
tine celebration.
Dear Sir:
Last Wedsday T. M. a, tall-elie Letter
Carrier of blond expression approach
tip to my detectlre office and say with
vole full of special delivery:
"Togo. I wlh apeak to you lone
some." "Anything yn r will be neglected
by everybody." I tnucr'tt. "Nobody la
hare except Coualn Nogl, who la ab
sent." Hon. Letter Carrier remove off hla
hat and beholt! It lion. Frank
Hitchcock. Chief PoatofTlcer and cham
pion campaign contributor of America!
When I obeerved who waa. I bent my
reverent stomach tonr extent.
"U Mr. Sir," I pronounce, "to what
do I owe the philanthropy of thla reck
le vlalt?"
am In troublea!" he holla aoftly.
"I am aware of that!" Thla from me.
speaking with Shylock Holmes eye
brows.
"How Ion do you know thla wonder.
ful knowledge V he stagger with super
atltloua teeth.
rI observe you are wearing a Rooe.
velt campaign button on your watch
charm. I mucieiL -o Ta.t taii
neteer would do so unlaaa hla mind waa
ad!y dislocated by grief."
M lance by Frank.
"What troublea are you enjoying?
please r I require with Sarah Bern
hardt voice.
Togo." aaw Hon. Hltcb. "you are
tfoubtleaaly aware that the Boss Letter
Carrier of America have rot a load
which causes h'm considerable ache to
carry."
"I am aware of." I snlrnlfy.
"Ah. well." say him. "whenever Amer
ica have a holiday It take It out on
overloading the Poetomc Dept. At
Xmaa time over two hundred an J eleven
billion atx hundred and three useless
nraaenta la Bent from Chicago to Hook
ersport. Maine. From Merry Xrras
overwork 3i.0" mall carriers dies of
aplnal menegerltte. Then arrive that
New Tear haooyneee. Mre literary let.
ten for poatornce man to fetch. Every
body what has nothing to ear wrltea It
on a picture card and aenda It to aome
body who doesn't want It. Thla cause
more tat-amash death amort ourBoya
n Grey. Next month to arrive is reo
ruary." exaggerate lion. Frank. Tnle
bring 8t- Valentine - enjoyment when
everybody can commit uoei. inciucins
illustration and poetry, price le.
body can reals trite rare opportunity,
ao on the ltb of February the grand-
... nmraiiiDt In the world Is e-n-
..latelv at a standstill trying to deliver
eoeh Imports at communlcaUooa like
"tf t love you
Will you love me?
I will be true
To atrlctly you."
Or.
- 'Tou taiy. et.rpy. slippery hound.
Why are you always loafing rounder"
Hon. Hitchcock pause with hla breath
f ill of sorrow.
What could I do for make this crime
ae criminal?" I require.
Too." detract Hon. Frank. "I cannot
suppress Christmas, because It Is Na
tional holiday. I cannot remove Jan
uary rtrat. because years would not seem
raturat without It. But I can remove
Kt. Valentine Day from off the al
manac.' -How couldi you accomplish thla brutal
act!" I aaasaer baffab'y.
-Llto cVtandarJ O.L Uk U. 8. 8tel.
Ilk all otter aatural reaourccs," say
Moo. HlUbcook. "this Feb 1 s tom
plettlv controlled by one man
"And his name?" I trubMe.
Ht. Valentin i "growled" Hon. Hitch,
lie la the personality what wrltea all
them retet and eour missiles wbst goee
triroua-1 the mall. He shall be arrested
in i ecu ted for strangling the poet
of fl'-e."
"Do this St. Val exist conveniently
for proeeuUoty I require.
"That is for you to detect. be hleey.
This Improper Saint Is hiding- eome
wheres la America. Find him. Ion!
fnuggie yourself In hla confidant until
you find eome evidence of his criminal
manufactory, then bring it to me and
I anal bless you with all the poetag
in my soul."
Speaking thualy Chief Foetofftcer
Hitchcock back away carrying hla head
la hie baads.
a e
"NogV I say-so to my dearie Cousin,
"pleaa enwrap n-.e vp In a packag of
ptetal appearance. Including stamp,
and wrt'e on me following addreea:
To ?T. VAI.KNTINE.
MANUFACTUT'.K of ART and POETRY
BATTLE CREEK. MICH.
-How yon know tha,t ft. Valentine
maaafartura art and poetry at Battle
Creek. Vlch-T" require Conaln NogL
"Xvery-lhlns Is manufactured at Bat-
VALENTINE'S LAST VICTIM.
WITH III TOES ASO PAITI.G PIC. TIRES WITH BOTH HANDS."
tle Creek, when not found elsewhere.
Is smsrt report from me.
So Cousin Nogl enwrap me in paper
and address me with talented paint
brush. Pretty soonly I could feel him fetch
ing me to postofflc with all the cour
age of his Japaneae lega.
"Do not be discourage. Togo!" he
whisper in my package. "I am now
Coins; to slide you into letter box."
Flop; I was arrived. Nextly I knew
Hon. .Mall Man was sorting; me out and
aiming; me In Gen. Direction of Battle
Creek. I was aquashed In the middle of
eecond class delivery, but what care a
Samurai when lie as going to learn
aomebody else's business?
I could hear mall-train maklna; toots
around curve. I could hear Hon. Haar
s;ase Smash conversing about Dr. Cook
while several letters slid restfully
around my ears. Tired fatigue over
whaled me. I slep
a e .
When nextly I woke I wsa Inside a
huj factory being unwrapped. While
several assistants was removing; strlns;
and postnire from my nerktle. I was
eufflciently enabled to observe where
at I was located.
I was Inside an enormalous printing;
factory of Sunday Supplement appear
ance. Printers everywhere .runnlns;
bark and forthly with red. blife 4 yel
low ink. Now and occasionally a Poet
would walk in wearlns; overalls and
carrying buckets full of stale rhymes.
While I was laying thosly In the
nitdet of trances Ienotlce a fatty gen
tleman with green complexion and blue
hair setting on a chair working a
typewriter with hla tors and painting
pictures with both hands. With his
right hand he was painting a cluster
of pink vlolents aurrounded by asth
matic hearts and labelled dlatlnctually
"FOR ONE I LOVE." With hla left
hand he was painting portrait of a
mother-in-law with her face dlsorgsn
Ised end labelled distinctly "YOU
tUIKlEKIXa SHREW."
"Who 1 yondvrly Personage?" I re
quire from Hon. Assistant who was
tearing wrapping paper from my feet.
WHE.1 EVERYBODY CAN COMMIT L.
Mm IfWPIP
AJkX PO
DETECTIVE
"That s the Proprietor. St. Valen
tine r holla Hon. Assist.
With part of my packages still cling
lng to my ankles, I walk over to St.
Valentine man.
"Banxall" I yall. "I have discovered
you in the actual act of doing so!"
Without glancing upward to see what
I was. this St. Valentine spoke follow
ing poem:
"You eneaklng. apying, yellow Jap
What ar you doing here, you yapT"
, While speaking this he paint obnox
ious portrslt of yellow boy eating rats
with unhappy teeth.
"Hara-kiri:" I yall for angry rag8.
"if you do not detract this disgusting
photography I shall deliver Jiu Jitsu to
your eyebrow!"
Without looking upward he say fol
lowing sweetish poem to me:
"O Togo with the fac divine.
Both day and night I sigh and pin
To make of you my valentine!"
And while he spoke he drew portrait
of a quaint Japanese Cupid removing
rosebud with sweetheart expression.
"O Mr. St. Val," I require with peer
less smile, "why la? At firstly you
observe me with dTsgustlng Insults, and
nextly you modify me with love-kiss
poem. Why should you thusly turn
from eullen sour to airkly sweetr
"That Is all I got In stork." say Hon
Val. "All my communications are
either extreme curses or elaborate
blessings. I have no midway conver
sations.'
"You have an Afrionn Hunter temper
ament." I nudge.
"Ah!" say St. Valentine, "the 14th of
Feb Is no time lor to write cool A
calculating etatements. Slppose I was
a lover and you was a sweetheart. If
I should send you perfumery note with
following rhymed thought:
0 aweetheart mine, you're sort of fair,
Yet freely I confess.
It's part the way you do your hair
And part the way you dfess,
If I should sent you such candled
1HKL,
ICLlDLa ILLUSTRATION
KTK IV
sentiments, would we be married in
June?"
"Seldom if never." are sharp report
from me. "Have you some shocking
valentines in stock?;'
"I have to do quite a large annual
business in public men," say Hon. St.
"There are so many politicians every
I year who want to say something ais
agreeable at somebody else, but don't
know how, so I must supply appropri
ate Insults. For lnstancely. I have here
a sweet billy dux marked 'From Gif
ford to Achilles.'
"'You crafty and sinister friend of the
Guffs.
Don't sit around Washington putting
on lugs.
You hate Conservation, you foxy old
nob.
Yet you're pretty darn good at con
serving your Job.' "
Ft. Valentine pause silently while
painting delicious blood-drops on a
bursted heart.
"Have you got some valentine from
President Taft to Senator Lorlmerr I
require cowcattlshly.
"I shall make you one by typewrit
er," he snuggest. Several nervus clicks
for him and he poke out following
rhythm:
"From W. H. T. to Senator L.
"You thought when Teddy threw you
down that I would quickly rush
And turn you to an angel with a little
white-wash brush. .
Let others bleach your record till of
hi.miiih it la free-
But the Calsomlners Union needn't
manri around for me.
Nextly St. Valentine exhibited to me
a peeved portrait or an inisui'
Democrat. On the beneath-elde of this
was following Information.
"From Senator Smith to Woodrow
Wilson.
"See the eyebrows
Of the highbrows
On your every action bent.
While the Good Row .
Hollers "Woodrow
Is our choice for President!"
If you csn, sir,
Hear my answer
To this symphony of slush,
Mollycoddle
Empty twaddle.
Piffle, nooh and likewise tush'.'
From an enormalous pile 'pluck out
the red-headed valentine labelled
"From Uncle Jo to his nephew victor.
"You Ksnsaa breese,
Do all you can .
To bait and tease
A poor old man.
You young upstart
With manners quaint.
You think you're smart, .
But then you ain't.
But just the same.
You smart young gent.
The time will came
When I have went.
And then, by heck.
Soil In and stamp
Upon the neck
Of poor old Champ."
"These are merely bag-grab samples
of my stock, say Hon. Valentine.
have 250.000 similar tributes Including
such famua statesmen as William Jen
ny Bryan. Leena Cavalierl. the former
Jas. J.. Jeffries and the King or ronu
gal (retired). I have a poem from Bat
Masterson asking to meet the man who
translated the "Girl of the Oolden West
Into Italian and
"Have you no sweethearted. love-
broken rhythms from great personal
ities instead of them peeved rebukes?
I require for netvea.
"T have one," snuggest Hon. Val. "It
is from Chaa. F. Murphy of Tammany
Hall to Governor Dix of New York."
Thus Is It.
This metrical Saint show me com
plete Irish lace valentine surrounded
by 14th Street Cupids hitting bulls-eye
target labelled "Albany." Fol low-Wig
poem was starhed to its appendix:
"O Mr. Dlx.
I love you true.
Don't answer nix.
Request my coo
And when you tlx
Your polltix. '
Don't be forgetful, Mr. Dlx;
Remember who
Elected you." .
"Can I read you 75 or 80 more sweet
ong-slngs?" require him, while I es
corted my hat to the door.
"No, please," I holla. "I have learned
enough already to send you to Jail a
thousand years.
So I eloped away rapidly to telegram
office where I sent following wire con
versation to Postofflcer Hitchcock:
"All well. Everything worse than
expected. St. Valentine is dangerous
literary criminal. Send entire National
Guard and lock all mall boxes until
he Is arrested."
I am still awaiting replies for this
telegraf. Maybe St. Valentin will be
compressed Into jail before he can do
any more damage. Maybe not. Please
watt till Feb. 14 aid see what happens.
Hoping you will
Yourt truly
HASHIMURA TOGO.
(Copyright. 1911. by the Associated Lit
erary Press.)
A RUSSIAN IDOL TOTTERS
Maximo Gorky's Latest Flay la Creating-
Little Interest,
New York Times.
Maximo Gorky's latest play. "Queer
People." was produced recently in St.
Petersburg. Evan the first performance
failed to attract attention, and the
theater waa only half filled. The en
thusiasm that had met every new pro
duction of Gorky until several years
ago now has died out. The idol of
the Russian masses yesterday. Gorky
today la Ignored by the youth of Russia
who one called him their standard
bearer. From time to time Gorky shows in
some of his later work flashes that re
call his stories which made him famous.
Malva," "Twenty-six and One," "Chel-
kash." "Foma Gordeyev." or hla earli
est plays, "The Bezaemyonev Family,'
and "At the Bottom." -
But the tragedy In the life of Gorky
Is that he has been torn away from his
own land and from the life of his own
eople from which he has drawn his
strength as a creative artist. His new
environments on the Isle of Capri have
failed to Inspire him, and the powerful
singer of the steppe has produced pale.
anaemic stories and playa under the
blue skies of Italy.
Gorky's latest play, called a comedy.
will not add any new laurels to his
literary reputation. But the play is
Interesting because Gorky has taken
for his theme the life of a well-known
author, and develops the "affinity"
problem.
Russia frnds a plao in the play, a
place for aome outtlng word a. In a
acene between the main character and
an old man, Gorky speaks thus of hla
country:
"This temple, which Is poorly con
structed and half destroyed, and which
Is called Russia, cannot be renovated, by
paintings on the walls. We may paint
on the walls, we may cover the filth and
the fatal ce-acKS. but what will we gain?
The filth will come out again, and will
destroy tho fine paintings, and we shall
see before us decay and destruction
again. The Russian does not like to
believe; faith is blinding. We live six
months a year, and the rest of the year
we are di earning on the oven about
happy days to come about the future
which will never com to us."
A Hen's Wet-Clay Lesson.
Pittsburg Gazette.
A hen once walked through a clay
puddle and then Into a sugar house and
left tracks of her muddy feet on a pile
of sugar. Wherever her tracks were
It was noticed the sugar was whitened.
After a number of experiments it was
found that wet clay waa valuable In
a fining sugar.
Some Live Talks With Dead Ones
HAMLET'S FATHER. PREDICTS A GOOD YEAR FOR SPOOKS.
HLL. sir. business in my line Is
certainly looking up." said
Hamlet's Father, as he lit a
Ghost's Delight 10-cent cigar at a spirit
lamp and puffed psychic circles 'nto the
sir. "Yes, slree." he continued, as he
crossed one translucent leg over the other
and leaned back in his chair, "we have
passed through a long period of indus
trial depression in our business, but
the hard times ar over now and it cer
tainly does look as if we were coming
into our own."
"To what, mainly, do you attribute
this revival in your chosen field?" I
asked.
"Well, for one thing." said the senior
Mr. Hamlet, "look at the way Sir John
Franklin, the celebrated Arctic ex
plorer, came to the front with the real
facts regarding the Cook-Peary con
troversy. I guesg you must have read
about ft in the papers? First, Sir John
broke the news to Editor Stead and his
group of true believers over in Eng
land and then the same night he leaped
nimbly across the broad Atlantic and
whispered it Into the plush-llned ears
of a few earnest seekers at wasning
ton. D. C. You'll have to give It to Sir
John on that, won't you?
"From where 1 sit It looks as if the
Amalgamated Association of Spooks
had quit frivolling and come right
down to 'cases. In the early days of
the trade, most of our brotherhood .de
voted themselves to the job of going
around handing out warnings and por
tents. We were the first stop-look-and-llsten
bunch. You'll remember that
I appeared to my son and gave him
the correct facts In regard to my own
taking off. It is true Jhat In attempt
ing to hand out retribution to the par
ties suspected by the local police, he
got the situation all snarled up, but
that wasn't my fault. My boy Ham my
was a whole lot like a lot of other
young persons of genius he needed
a separator in his head to keep his
Ideas from running together and going
to clabber. But, anyhow, I did my
duty.
"J. Caesar, with his toga all marked
up with cuts and covered with gore un
til his bosom looked like a cross
barred cranberry pie, paid a call to
Brutus in his tent and caught Brutus'
phllopena for Phllippi. On .the night
before the battle, Richard the Third
was visited by a marching club of his
own victims? and history shows that It
put him In a bad humor right off. But
then Richard the Third never had much
of a disposition anyhow. And Ban
quo's ghost had a little way of drop
ping in on Macbeth Just as he was sit
ting down to dinner, and practically
spoiling Mac's enjoyment of tho whole
evening. History Is full of such cases
I'm only quoting you a few well
known ones. Those were the times
when a former champion could come
back and frequently did.
"A little later on our members be
gan to figure extensively In connection
with haunted houses and deserted
castles. Battlefields and wayside Inns
were also favorite stop-over points
when playing road dates. Just at mid
night the belated traveller, sitting with
bated breath, or baited, as the case
might be; and his eyes bulged out on
his pallid cheeks like a couple of elec
tric light bulbs, would hear stealthy
footsteps and low, blood-curdling
groans, and then would come the rattle
of chains coming nearer and nearer
and at dawn the next morning the trav
eler would be 30 miles away on a
straight line and still going Btroiig.
Sometimes his hair would turn -snow
white in a single night and sometimes
it would merely acquire a permanent
pompadour effect. I don't know why
the rattling chains should have been a
part of the regular regalia, but they
were. It was uncomfortable, I should
say, to go around jingling like a
refugee from a Colored Chicken Col
lectors' Club in Georgia, bat in those
days no self-respecting ghost would
have thought of going out on chilly
evenings without his chains. He might
have caught cold. It was Just as much
a part of his outfit as a white hand
kerchief Is for a horizontal bar per
former to wipe his hands on. You'd
JWi
"B
UT. father," protested Mrs. Rol
lins, "he's so little!"
"Yes, I know, honey," said
Colonel Sneed. her father, "but If he
was to get to be six feet two and
wefgh a hundred and ninety he'd still
bo 'little in your eyes. The fact re
main, my dear, that's about time you
were beglnnln' to loosen up on the
apron strings."
"Do you mean to say that my boy
doesn't need ms any more?" she asked
with some show of Indignation.
Good Lord, no," answered the Colo
nel. "I don't mean to say anything of
that sort He'll need you as long as he
lives. A man never gets too old to
need his mother. But that ain't the
point. If he' goin' to amount to a
row o' pins as a man he's got to learn
to think and act for himself, and he'll
never do that as long as you do all of
his thinkln' and actin' for him. You
potter around after him like he was
still a two-year-old, instead of a hus
ky youngster of seven. He's not a
baby any longer. He's able to walk
alone and feed himself without help.
He needs your help. It' true, but he
don't need so dog-gone much of it.
"There is such a thing, my dear, as
too much motherln' and you're' a shinin'
example. You'd like mighty well to
tote your boy on your back all his
life, making things soft and easy for
him as feather beds, and shovln' away
all the cares and troubles. You'd like
to do It. but you can't, and it's a good
thing for him that you can't. If he al
ways leans on you he'll never learn
to lean on himself. And he's got to
stand alone. He's got to fight his own
battles."
'Should I turn him over to his father
and wash my hands of him?" asked
his daughter, still unconvinced.
"Not much. Mary Ann," replied the
old gentleman, "and you know I don't
mean anything of the sort. A mother's
apron strings are not to be cut all at
once. I remember once when Benjamin
Franklin, that bull Calf of mine, got
too obstreperous, I tied him up to a
post so close he could Just wiggle his
head. The next day I lengthened out
his rope a couple o' feet; the next day
a little more, and so on until by the
end of the week he was playln around
In a thirty-foot circle and was as meek
as a lamb. Mind you, now, I'm not
comparin' your boy to a bull calf nor
rlalmln that the situation's the same,
for It ain't. I Just want to show you
how to give him a little ,more rope
and a little more rope without loeln'
control of him. For cuttln' the apron
trinsa should be a gradual process; .
no more expect to find a ghost without
his chain than a dentist's office with
out a canary bird or a country barber
shop without somebody learning to play
the guitar In the back room.
"But there wasn't much real nour
ishment in the work. In time haunted
houses got to be almost as common
as mortgaged houses are now. They
were a drug on the real estate market.
It got so that when the tired business
man of the Middle Ages heard the rat
tling of chains at midnight in the
moated grange or the butler's pantry,
he turned over and said to himself
that the derned dog had broken loose
again. And If he felt an icy touch
between his shoulders, he only waked
up long enough to ask his wife why
In thunder she didn't do something for
those cold feet. So that line of en
deavor languished.
"Things went along that way for a
couple of centuries more and then,
here about 40 or 50 years ago, a new
wrinkle was introduced. Some of the
fellows began to frequent the same
kind of a canvas edifice that is found
in the rear of a barher shop when a
citizen goes on election day to exer
cise the highest and most precious
right of an American, If he doesn't
forget it. The canvas booth ghost
came in along with the Australian bal
lot and the old viva voce styles of
ghost and vote went out together. This
variety was very popular for a time.
So, also, was the kind of a spirit that
would get Inside a cabinet and start
knocking the same as Secretary Bal
llnger. And then they branched out
and began to send spirit messages and
write on slates, saying her late Uncle
Henry desired to send his love to his
beloved niece Maud and was doing well,
except that he'd found the heat trying
until he got used to It.
"The business was mainly conducted
through ladies called mediums. They
were all of that. Many of these me
diums were stout ladies who were go
ing to have neat . Vandykes If they
lived long enough. They were fre
quently addicted to onions on the hoof
and they wore those black .basques that
missed connections at the waistline.
Their grammar had a quaint touch of
originality, too. You'd think that if a
high-class spirit intended to inhabit
anybody of the fair sex. he'd pick out
one of the steamer basket sisters a
pippin or a peach but the stout lady
with the wen on her chin and a mus
tache coming on appeared to have the
call. She'd bold seances in a back
parlor down a side street where "the
atmosphere of brooding mystery was
complicated with the atmosphere of
wet umbrellas and somebody frying red
cabbage, which are also brooding but
not mysterious to any considerable ex
tent. And thoughtful people in turn
down collars and gum overshoes would
go there and pay a dollar each to hear
the shades of the mighty blow tin
horns and rattle tambourines and rap
on a table and ring a bell, two rings
for ice water and three rings for tow
els. "But there was a drawback. The
general public lacked a good deal of
being converted by acclamation. A con
siderable number of people couldn't
understand why a dignified statesman
such as Thomas Jefferson would come
all the way from the Hereafter to
Brooklyn, N. Y., for the precious boon
of performing an Instrumental solo
on the same kind of a horn that Is
used so extensively in the old rags and
fresh fish lines. It seemed to them
that Alexander the Great and Martin
Luther ought to have something bet
ter to do where they'd gone than sit
ting In a cheesecloth cabinet playing
on the tambourine In a way that would
excite the contempt and scorn of any
end man in the minstrel profession.
It occurred to them that maybe Sir
Isaac Newton and the prophet, Moses,
ought to be ashamed of themselves
spending their evenings rapping with
their knuckles on a kitchen table with
all the Insistence of Senator Lodge
ordering a malted milk at the begin
ning of one of his most riotous even
ings. "But here lately a great reform has
A
CUTTING THE APRON STRING
not one big slash with the scissors, but
a thread at a time through all the
years that lead up to manhood, and
even then you'll leave a strand or two
that never will be cut as long as you
and he are on earth. For mother's
apron strings, my dear, can't be
wholly severed. No matter how old us
boys get, as long as she lives yes, and
afterward we feel 'em pullln' us
toward the right and the light."
The Colonel blinked at the tire a
few moments; then, relighting his ci
gar, he went on. "There's two kinds
of women who keep their boys teth
ered too close to the post. One of 'em
Is your kind, the worryln' kind, that's
afraid to let her youngster out of her
eight, that wants to do all his work
and shoulder all hi burdens. The oth
er is the bossin' kind, that wants him
to march always in a straight line, to
do thus and so Just as she directs and
who thinks he's goin to the bow-wows
if he breaks one o' the rules she's
fixed for him. Both of them are lovln',
conscientious mother, but one of them
lets her love and the other her duty
work overtime to the hindrance of the
boy's development. For no matter what
mothers and fathers may do to get us
started right we must live our own
lives, must shape our own enefs. We
are" like children who push their little
boats into the pond and watch them
as the breeze fills their sails and car
ries them to the farther shore, or
wrecks them on the rocks or shoals.
We can only see that their sails are
spread, that their rudders are set and
start, them on their course. We can't
steer them from the shore, and we
can't control the winds that drive them.
But we can always have a wireless
connection with their hearts and keep
a lifeline ready.
"However, that's gettin' away from
the main point, which is apron strings.
When you loosen them up, or cut
them, as the sayin' goes, you are not
givln' up your authority or lessenin'
your responsibility. You are simply
glvln him a little more elbow room, a
little more freedom to exercise the
muscles of hi brain and to develop
the individuality that the good Lord
put into him. And after all, honey,
that is the secret of the rrmkin' of a
man. We don't and can't really make
him, any more than the farmer makes
the wheat that be raises. We can only
see that he grows straight; that the
talents and disposition and tempera
ment that have been planted In him
have a chance to develop as nature or
someinin greater man nature intend
ed: that the weeds be kept out, that
air and light an' water and fertilizer
be given, an" plenty of room. If we go
further than that. If we try to bend
him to suit our own peculiar ideas
about what ought to be, there'll be
either a bend or a break and one's
begun to develop along the line of plain
and fancy spooking. Even the genuine
Egyptian seeress with the South Bend
accent and the Chicago lake-front fig
ure, who dresses up like a cozy corner
and does seeresslng under a tent at the
county fair for 60 cents a throw, has
caught the spirit of the hour. The fair
predicter is no longer satisfied to run
the cards, then pass the hand several
times across the brow and Inform the
Inquiring 60-cent guy that he will
shortly take a trip and after that his
life line will be crossed by a fair-haired
woman, meaning by that, probably, that
he's going somewhere to hire a new
Swede servant girl and that he should
beware of a dark, mysterious stranger
who will come to the door, with an eye
in his head like a bill collector. No.
sir, not any more for that cheap line
of prophecy. Now the inspired proph
etess shuts her eyes and claws with her
fingers and. just as the customer de
cides that the lady has eaten something
and is about to grab his hat and run
for help, she gets a message from Ram.
eses the Third, or some equally well
known and popular shade, that the cus
tomer ought to Invest his savings In
a neat line of mining stock. And at
this exact moment the lady proverbially
comes out of the trance and the se
curities come out of her stocking: all
of which, you must concede, is putting
the ghost business on a sound commer.
clal basis, .where It ought before long,
to attract the attention of some of our
leading captains of industry.
"But that's not all. Our friends go
further than that. Professor Hows
loppy and Doctor Monsterbugg correct
me if I have the names wrong and Ed
itor Stead and the rest of the real sci
entific Investigators, are now getting
out sporting spirit extras on contem
poraneous events. They don't dig into
the dim and cobwebbed past any more.
They're as up to date as a Jewelry
drummer or a 5 o'clock edition. Take
the , Cook-Peary row new. There's an
example for you. For a year or more,
savants have been prying into the case,
seeking for truth in that trackless,
frozen waste where so many dauntless
explorers have left their toes and repu
tations. But what do Stead and the
others do? They send out a psychic
wave and get in touch with the best
authorities. They get a message from
Sir John Franklin, who did exploring
back in the days when exploring waa
done In dog sleighs instead of the IB
cent magazines. And what does Sir
John say? Why, he gives them the
right steer. He says neither gentleman .
got to the Pole, in the chill- twilight of
the Arctic dawn, but Cook, who'd had
experience in traveling about In the cold
before breakfast, having been raised
in the milk business, got closer to It
than Peary did. He says that while
Com. Peary was sitting in his little two
story and English basement igloo mak
ing his mustache fluff out further and
thinking up a line of 15-cent-a-word
words, Dock Cook was staggering on
toward the Pole, being personally chap
eroned bv Sir John himself, who made
a fine guide, he having been dead for
many years, and therefore able to stand
any climate. Only. Sir John didn't go
all the way, he says. Toward the end
he turned Dock Cook over to some spir
it Indians Indians that he probably
had a grudge against or something
and he came on back and at the first
chance sent a psych lc 'souvenir post
card over Rural Spook Delivery Route
No. 3 to Editor Stead and the rest of
them. v ,
"And, now that the way has been
opened, people ought to be able to get
the straight dope from This Side on a 1
the burning questions of the hour. Will
the Democrats in Congress really re
form the tariff or will they put hot air
on the free list and leave the other
necessaries of life where they are? How
old Is Ann? Will the Duke of Abruzzi,
or won't he? When shall "
"I wonder why Sir John only went a
little way with Dr. Cook and then
turned back?" I said.
"Ever meet the Dock?" inquired Ham
let's Father.
"Yes, once."
"Ever talk with him?"
"Yes."
"Then why ask such a foolish ques
tion?" said Hamlet's Father severely.
US EG
about as bad as the other, , for a bend
in a child, like a bend in a plant,
stunts it.
"I don't suppose there ever was a
mother who didn't want to do, the best
she could for her boy, and there' a
great many more of 'em makes the
mistake of doin' too much than there
are who make the bigger mistake of
doin' too little. The love that carries
them too far, that keeps the boy tied
to them too long and too close, is the
finest thing in the world, but love,
like justice. Is often blind. The lad's
beglnnln' to unfold himself, my dear
little girl, and it's time to begin to
loosen the strings."
Copyright. 1911, by C. S. Yost.
"S" A BAR TO BEAUH
Actress Declares "Hissing-" Memoes
of Alphabet Causes Wrinkle.
New York Herald.
If all the S's in the English language
were Z's, then every woman's throat
would be a perfectly smooth, round and
slender column. It is the member of the
alphabet which causes a hissing sound
that works havoc with fair throats. Slip
over them whenever you can, is the ad
vice of Miss Mildred Holland to the
members of the Woman's Professional
League.
. "The letter '8' la a bad letter. Every
time yof pronounce It the muscles of
your neck are drawn up and wrinkles
ccme. Really more necks are spoiled by
this single crooked hissing letter than
by any amount of dissipation and ne
glect Avoid it all you can." Miss Hol
land said. "Use 'Z' to make the hollows
in your neck fill out, wrinkles disappear
and your throat to round out and "be
come smooth and beautiful.
"There Is nothing like a Z treatment
for beauty. Buzz z's whenever you aro
alone. If you cannot say the exercise
out loud, think z's and the effect will
he almost the same. Just try saying Z
and 9, and note the different effect on
the muscles. And don t forget, when
you are buzzing, to smile sweetly at
yourself in a mirror. There is nothing
like smiling and looking cheerful to im
prove the complexion and features.
"Every time you peer at yourself in a
mirror and say, 'How well I am looking
you improve your facial charms Just
trat much. The muscles answer imme
diately to the smiling treatment and
clip years off your age.
And don t He about your age," either.
The Japanese and Chinese have the
right' idea of this. They are absolutely
truthful. Yes. the women are, too. Wo
ought to be proud of our ages instead
of being ashamed to tell them, proud
of the brain cells we possess, and proud
Tf
ft
of the way. we hold our vears,"