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frOaTLAXP. BCXPAY. JANUARY 1.
OMR YEAR AFTKR.
"The despotism of the old commit
tee on rules, composed of Ave men. of
which tho Speaker (Cannon) was
chairman, had become Intolerable,"
xplalna Mr. Champ Clark, "and w
were entirely Justified In upsetting all
precedent that were ever made to
emancipate ourselves, which we did."
Mr. Clark has already been duly an
ointed by popular uppoaltlon and ex
pectation Speakc- of the Sixty-second
Corgreiw. and these words are his
message to the expiring Sixty-first
Congress. Speaker-to-be Clark was
Justifying hLi loyal Democratic follow
In for supporting Speaker Cannon in
the memorable contest last Monday,
when the same patriotic Democracy
on precisely the same question had
voted to overrule the Speaker a year
ago.
Why explain? It Is all perfectly
plain. In 110 the Democracy enthu
siastically assisted the Insurgents to
put the Speaker and the Republican
party In a hole: In 111 it loudly calls
for help to get Itself out of the Identi
cal hole. An election has Intervened.
The great battle a year ago was not di
rected against the office of Speaker,
but against the unendurable manner
In which It was used. Ah. yes.
But if the Speaker as a member of
the committee on rales built up a
domineering House machine, why may
not the Speaker-to-be. through his
committee on committees, of which he
will be a member, build up another
mutocratic Houe machine? But per
kapa Mr. (lark would not do bo awful
a thing. Likely enough not.
HOW TO IJVE I.OXU.
The one point, and perhaps the only
one. upon which all the medical fak
ers, cranks and quacks In the country
are agreed la that drugs are useless.
In the interest of strict accuracy, how
ever, this statement ought to be modi
fed a little, for many of the cranks
maintain that while drugs In general
are devices of the Evil One. their I 'ar
ticular combination Is an Infallible
?ure for every disease tinder the sun.
Nevertheless, the tendency of unortho
dox medical speculation Is In the di
rection of seeking cures by other
methods than dosing. Orthodox
thought rather Inclines In the same di
rection also. Dr. Welch, the head of
the Johns Hopkins Medical School,
was once heard to say In a lecture that
the most Important forward step taken
br modern medicine was the abandon
ment of faith In drugs. Few doctors
nowaday rely upon calomel, opodel
doc and podophyllin as Implicitly as
their fathers In the profession did. By
av long and arduous road they hnve
reached the conclusion that It Is Na
ture after all who cure the patient
If he get well at all and that the best
physician can do Is to help the pro
cess along a little.
The progress of medical science
during the last few years has hed
good deal of light upon the subject of
drugs. Formerly a drug was a drug.
All simple acted substantially in the
same way, curing or killing by some
mysterious virtue which nobody pre
tended to understand exactly. At
least tooth doctors and patients
thought so, but now we know that
there 1 A great difference between
the modes of action of one drug and
another upon the system". We moan
that some medicines act according to
principles totally different from oth
ers. There are remedies, discovered
of late by scientists, whose effect can
be predicted with strict accuracy. So
far as they are concerned the science
of medicine has attained to almost
mathematical certainty. As examples
of these drugs, or remedies, or what
ever the reader likes to call them, we
mar Instance the anti-toxin virus for
diphtheria, the vaccine virus for the
prevention of smallpox and the new
chemical cure for syphilis. To deny
the efficacy of these medicines 1 to
fly In tha- face of thoroughly ascer
tained facta. That diphtheria, for In
stance, is Infectious, that It Is caused
by the activity of a specific germ and
that In most cases It can be combated
successfully with anti-toxin has been
proved Just a conclusively that
the earth la round. Person who dis
pute these facts only prove the r own
limurance or their stiff-necked reli
ance upon superstition.
But there Is another class cf drugs,
to which belong calomel, rhubarb and
the like, that upon the whole do more
harm than good. We think most en
lightened physicians would agree that
this I true. If the anti-drug cranks
and quacks would limit their opposi
tion to these m-dlclnes their efforts
would be valuable to the world. Their
evangel ' would be salutary. They
would be hailed a saviors of bodies
if not of souls. The trouble ts that
these excellent people are usually so
densely Ignorant that they do not un
derstand the difference between the
useful and the baneful drugs. They
have rxvt learned that the supposed
beneficial effect of some is a mere
superstitious belief while that of
others ' is a matter of rigorously
scientific demonstration. In lump
ing i all drugs together In the
same category they really help per
petuate Injurious Ignorance and some
times even cause the death of their
deluded followers. Each particular
school of quacks ha some remedy of
its own Invention which It offers as an
Infallible panacea. One sect preaches
the etneacy of a hygienic diet. An
other declares that physical salvation
is to be found only In some mathod of
bodily -exercise. And so on. None of
them, so far a we have noticed,
teaches that exercise of the brain Is
ef any value. Reason and common
sense are tiro curative simples which
they all seem to regard much as the
devil does holy water.
Sound Judgment teaches us that
there is no single device by which all
the Ills of the human body can be
cured. A-Judlclous diet will do much
to help: but why cannot those who
preach the virtue of diet rest con
tent with the plain truth of the mat
ter? Why do they feel obliged to go
on and deny the demonstrated teach
ing of science? Cannot a hygienic
plan of diet stand on Us own basis?
Is It really forUfled by telling the Ig
norant crowd that diphtheria Is not
Infectious? Another luminary ' has
lighted upon a system of exercise In
bed. This miraculously Inspired per
son La Sanford Bennett by name. At
60 he wa a physical wreck. At 70 he
I now hale and hearty, as much of a
boy a he was at 10. and It all came
about by exercise In bed. Sanford lies
abed In the morning. Instead of rising
with the lark, and twists and tortures
every muscle In his body until he has
squeezed out all the broken and dead
cells. This is admirable. Exercise
in bed or out of bed Is an excellent
thing, but when Sanford tells us that
a man needs nothing else to keep him
In sound health and make him live to
100 years we beg permission to doubt.
Diet Is Just as Important as exercise
and for many persons a great deal
more Important. Nobody can hope to
live to old age who habltaully eats
indigestible food or too much that
Is digestible. Habits of work and
sleep also count heavily In making up
the sum total of our years and there
will come times in every life when
resort must be had to drugs. The
average human being must make up
his mind to be vaccinated, to take a
dose or two of some anaesthetic and
perhaps to suffer an Injection of anti
toxin if be would live out the full tale
of his years. The great trouble with
our medical crank Is that they are
so narrow-minded. Each of them sees
hi own hobby In a brilliant glare while
all the others are Invisible to him.
Even the regular fraternity of physi
cians Is not wholly exempt from this
limitation of vision.
ANOTHF.R tXTOXGRrOC MARR1ACB.
The Could family. It seems, has not
had enough or foreign titles, with the
discrepancies between age. wealth and
environment that accompany their
bestowal. Hence another Internation
al marriage, this time between a young
daughter of the head of the house and
an English Baron, past middle age
and a "sportsman," presumably with
all the characteristics which that term
implies, is announced to take place In
the near future.
Vivian Gould, the second daughter
of George Gould, aged 17. is to become
the bride of John Graham Hope Hora
ley Bereeford. Baron Decles, peer of
the realm of Great Britain, aged 45.
The bald incongruity of such a mar
riage overshadows Its announcement.
It Is a sacrifice, without excuse, of a
young girl favored of fortune to a
title, the bearer of which U nearly
three times her age a man past mid
dle age, whose school has been the
gay world, whose home has been in
many different lands and whose asso
ciation with women have doubtless
been as wide and free as hers with
men have been narrow and con
strained. Could Incongruity under the name
of marriage farther go? Has the ex
perience of Anna Gould, the aunt of
thla young girl, no warning In it? Has
her father, accredited, as he Is with
worldly wisdom and financial sagacity
the master of millions with all of
his getting, felled to get understand
ing? Has her mother, widely respect
ed for her maternal instinct and devo
tion, failed at a point where failure
means womanly degradation In mar
riage to her innocent, unsophisticated
young daughter? Is it Impossible for
people In high places to learn anything
from experience or observation in the
line of incongruous marriage?
It seems so. Indeed. Otherwise this
sacrifice of another daughter of the
house of Oould would not for a mo
ment have been considered in a fam
ily that has suffered reproach and
scandal from thla cause as no other
American family has suffered.
The whole thought of the makers
and abettors of this matrimonial mis
adventure Is f gowns and other trap
pings for the sacrificial altar, and of
fetes and presentations at court and
festival that will follow in the Imme
diate train of the alliance. Have the
Ideals of American maidenhood, of
American motherhood, of American
fatherhood Indeed fallen ao low?
Fortunately the affirmative answer
to this question applies only to a few
families, the heads of which are able
to buy titles for their daughters, and
tha daughters of which Isy their bodies
a willing sacrifice upon an unholy al
tar hung with the trappings, but void
of the sacredness of true marriage.
RCUGIOX IX THE SCHOOLS.
Professor D. L. Klehle, of the Uni
versity of Minnesota, must be 'uncom
monly fond of stirring up hornets'
nests. He Is one of those venturesome
persons, we take It. who cannot let
well enough alone. If he Bees a sleep
ing dog he can not help giving It a
kick. If he had a present of Pan
dora's box. he could neither eat nor
sleep until he had opened it. In short
Professor Klehle wants religion -introduced
into the curriculum of the pub
lic 'schools, which. In his opinion, are
at present "godless." He mournfully
sighed. In his last Sunday's sermon
at the Unitarian church, that "our
educators are required to Ignore the
existence of God and human responsi
bility to his law."
A university professor ought to
know better than to talk such non
sense even in a sermon. Our edu
cators are perfectly free to talk about
God to their hearts' content and they
enlarge upon human responsibility as
much as they like. .The only restric
tion upon them Is that they must not
slip Into sectarian wrangles and this
Is for their own good and everybody
else's. The men who itch to drag
the public schools into denominational
disputes by thrusting what they fatu
ously call "religion" Into the course
of study not only make ridiculous
spectacles of themselves but they do
great harm to the cause of public edu
cation. The thing which these misguided
men call "religion" Is not the genuine
article at all. but merely their, own
distorted conception of It. and in order
to Impose this upon all the world they
are quite ready to turn all the world
upside down. The best favor our sec
tarian wranglers can confer upon the
public schools Is to let them alone. In
this connection all astute educational
men pray to be delivered from their
sectarian friends. The public schools
Just as -they are. with their present
ideals and progressive aims, are serv
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND. JANUARY 15, 1911.
ing the country well. They are turn
ing out an intelligent and moral body
of citizens who are gradually work
ing their Ideas Into the fabric of gov
ernment and commerce. What more
do we need? Is it worth while 'to
sacrifice all this for the sake of a few
sectarian dogmas?
RCRAL (OMMIMTV LIFE.
There Is a deal of common sense and
helpfulness In the address of Mrs.
Waldo before the Oregon Common
wealth Conference at Eugene on ideal
rural community life In Oregon. We
are coming to It rapidly. Already we
have the electric railway; the parcels
post cajnot much longer be delayed.
GKd roads are bound to be built. In
this connection the only problem is
how good. With the telephone and
the dally mall, what more is neces
sary? Normal people only.
Unlike the great Middle West, Ore
gon will not have a back-to-the-farm
movement whose purpose is to aban
don city pursuits and engage In culti
vating broad acres to corn and wheat.
Western Oregon offers no such field.
Population of our cities and towns ha
not been largely recruited from the
farm either bv elderlV folk who re-
Lti a wttt. a MmiwfpnrT or voungsters
J seeking larger opportunity foe fortune.
This rural community me irum
so- much Is expected In the way of
health and Increased earning capacity
of the family wilt be created from two
sources.
First, there will be the small farmer
attracted from every section of the
country &v the known fruitfulness of
Western Oregon's soil and the mild
climate. His limit of holdings will
be ten to thirty acres, which he will
cultivate intensively. With the young
farmer will come the middle-aged man
with capital to engage In horticulture.
In Southern California the bulk of the
rural population Is of this class; rais
ing citrus fruit, which Is not so profit
able as apples, pears and cherries In
Oregon. Is their vocation. A large
percentage were formerly city dwell
ers. Then there will be movement
from the cities of Oregon to the small
farm. Electric railroads, which will
soon gridiron the Willamette. Umpqua
and Rogue River Valleys, make It pos
siblenot only possible, but conven
ient for a man to live on a farm
thirty, mile from his shop, office or
place of business. Families attract
families. It Is reasonable to hope that
the movement from city to country
will Increase for several years. Port
land. Salem. Eugene. Medford and in
termediate places will be recruiting
stations for the farm.
Schools? No need to worry on that
score. The schoolhouse will be built
ahead of the rabbit-proof fence that
incloses the acres. Teachers will be
at least the equal of those employed
In cities. Perhaps the, first religious
services will be held In the school
house, but the church will follow
clo-wlv. Probably the schoolhouse will
be utilized at the start for the library
and lyceum: then will follow the Intel
lectual center of the community which
could be and doubtless would be de
veloped Into Its chlefest charm. De
mand will spring up for some of the
refinements and luxurlos that are not
included In the scheme of village life.
It will not be a hand-to-mouth exist
ence there. As a rule there will al
ways be a balance In the 'bank to draw
upon for visits to the ckles to get Into
touch three or four time a year with
exponents of the higher arts, to say
nothing of the Rose Show and Ring
lings. Here the electric railroad
serves as a streetcar.
Each community will develop Its
own character. It is impossible to
conceive of any one that will not be
progressive in the things that make
for the clean life. Fresh air and
wholesome food are important con
tributing factors. The rural commu
nity of Oregon will be the ideal place
to bring up children. Idleness will
not be one of Its banes. With rich
soil as the basis of a livelihood, with no
severities of climate to fight, with rea
sonable certainty of full reward for
one's labor, this rural life ought to
furnish a model for the world.
BOOKS THAT HATE ' KKLPKD. -
We have happened upon a number
of the Christian Endeavor World
which contains a collection of letters
from more or less eminent people tell
ing what books have helped them most
in life. In a sense the letters are typi
cal." for they come from such men a
President Eltot. Joaquin Miller and
Hamilton W. Mabie, but the choice of
women contributors was not perhaps
quite so catholic. Julia Ward Howe
1 almost the only woman of really
National fame who has anything to
say. The others, like Margaret Sang
Bter and Mrs. G. R. Alden, enjoy a
more limited renown, though of course
their opinions on the subject of the In
quiry are worth knowing.
It is interesting to learn what books
have helped anybody, even the most
obscure, for few of us can hope to be
come famous and we all need help. A
curious feature of the letters. Is the
rare mention of really great literature
In them. Several of the contributors
are clergymen, and while once or
twice they mention Shakespeare,- and
so forth, perfunctorily, still the books
they seem to know" and value are of
another sort.
None of the ten doctors of divinity
and reverends seems ever to have
found the slightest consolation In Mil
ton. This is strange, seeing how pro
foundly theological and strictly ortho
dox the great poet of the English Ref
ormation wa. "Mr: Rockefeller's New
TorP pastor, the Rev. R. S.' Mac Ar
thur, says that he read Mac&ulay's
"Essays" a good deal In his boyhood
and committed to memory many pas
sages of Tennyson. He also speaks of
Matthew Arnold and Carlyle, but the
book which helped him most in his
formative period, he assures us, was
Dr. Augustus H. Strong's "Great Poets
T and Their Theology." Dr. MacArthur
gives us to understand that this vol
ume -of essays "is one of the ablest
written on either side of the Atlantic
since the best days of Macaulay.
Matthew Arnold and Carlyle." Is this
a fair sample of the literary taste of
our clergymen? Dr. MacArthur is the
minister of a conspicuous church Nin
New York. His congregation Is emi
nent for wealth If not for piety, and
this is. the way he Judges books. No
wonder the clergy sometimes complain
that their Influence Is waning.
Margaret Sangster, whose "Heart-to-Heart
Talks" In a great periodical
will be recalled with lively enthusiasm,
tells us that in her youth she found
consolation and pleasure In a book
"which Is practically unknown to the
young people of today." What book,
gentle reader, would you guess that
she Is talking about? It is "The Pil
grim's Progress." One is moved, to
ask what- sort of .a world Mrs. Sang
ster lives in. Bunyan's immortal alle
gory Is as w ell known to the young
today a It ever was. better probably.
The belief that Bunyan' popularity Is
decaying has no foundation. The
healthy-mlndod boy or girl of our time
turns to "The Pilgrim's Progress"
from the silly trash which the publish
ers pour out for consumption with the
same relish as of yore, and doubtless
the book will always be read with as
much delight as Mrs. Sangster found
in It.
With a natural reservation of the
Bible, Joaquin Miller says that Plu
tarch's "Lives" is the book that has
"given him most pleasure and profit."
We commend his taste. Other men,
some far greater than the poet of the
Sierras, tell the same story. In fact. It
Is very likely that Plutarch has
brought essential inspiration to more
young men than any other secular
writer who ever lived. It Is a won
der that so many of the clergymen
who wrote to the Christian Endeavor
Herald escaped his Influence when
they were boys.- We venture to sug
gest that It Is not top late for them to
read the grand old Greek now. There
are numerous translations
The most interesting letters in the
list are those from John Burroughs
and President Eliot. The latter has
been helped more by striking passages
In many books, he tells us, than by
any particular volumes. Still he men
tions Emerson's and Bacon's essays as
fruitful sources "of counsel and wis
dom." He has gone to them oftener,
he confesses, than to any other books.
No doubt most men, and women, too.
If they could recall the exact truth of
the matter, would admit that It has
been a page or two In some book, per
haps nothing' more than a sentence,
which has been their best -literary
friend. All of us deplnd greatly on
maxims and old saws for inspiration
and strength. In that supreme scene
where Jane Eyre listens to Rochester's
pleading while her conscience wages
war with her passion it Is one little
precept sought and found In the dim
memories of her pathetic childhood
which saves her. Nowhere did Char
lotte Bronte show her genius more
than In this use of a deep psycholog
ical truth.
John Burroughs is the only one of
the- list who attributes any value to
Walt Whitman's poems. The sage of
"Slabsldes" and the companion . of
Roosevelt says that the "good gray
poet" was "more liberating and ex
panding" to his mind than even Emer
son and Wordsworth. By the way.
Burroughs Is the only one who speaks
of Wordsworth either. It is a little
strange that none of the clergymen ap
pears to have utilized the treasures of
polemic against atheism In the "Pre
lude." This was Elizabeth's favorite
reading during her trip around the
Island of Rugen. She liked it because
it was "so etodgy."
We fancy that mention of Walt
Whitman will not be so rare in collec
tion of letters like those ww are dis
cussing written by the next generation
of famous persons. He is read more
every day and with better understand
ing. Burroughs takes occasion to fore
warn the young that "reading 'Leaves
of Grass' in like a plunge into the
ocean surf." but what of that? 'Bath
ing is a more common practice than It
used to be. and it Is likely to grow still
more common. . The . eccentricities of
expression which once made Whitman
revolting have lost their strangeness
in some measure, and' the so-called
"immoralities" which shocked Whlt
tier and scandalized even .the. catholic
Emerson chime 'in better with modern
morality, which is at the same. time
more natural and more stringent than
that of flffy years ago.
VN'PRECBDEXTEO DROUGHT.
The deficiency In moisture through
out the United States during 1910 was
unprecedented in the history of agri
culture on the continent. The drought
was general, tSe only variation being
that some sections were dryer than
others over a wide area in which all
were dry. In the City of New Tor,
where records of rainfall have been
kept for something like 85 years,
there was less precipitation In 1910
than in any other year of that long
period. .
The dry area extended throughout
the country, except a portion of what
is known as the black belt. Oregon
suffered, though not so severely as
some' other sections, yet the farmers
of the state were panting for rain be
fore the long dry spell extending
from June to September was broken
by . the . first refreshing shower. A
prominent New York Journal in seek
ing a cause for -the drought suggested
that the great modern application of
electricity had so drawn upon the re
serve electrical supply of tYie earth
as to affect the rainfall; that possibly
the thunder shower energy had been
exhausted.
Back came a leading scientist with
the assertion that there never could
be a material consumption of the
world's supply of electricity, because,
as a matter of fact, this element,
though used, was not consumed. That
is to say, any process by which elec
tricity to obtained for commercial
purposes produces as much 'positive
as negative electricity, and thus the
balance of power is undisturbed. This
left all the world guessing a.aln, and
still the drought continued. Even now
the water supply In the Lower Missis
sippi and Missouri Valleys and east
ward to the Atlantic Coast is phe
nomenally and, according to some es
timates, alarmingly low.
This condition does not prevail In
the Pacific Northwest, though even on
the coast the rainfall of the season
has not been excessive.
"TRAIN CP. A CHILD."
A case, fortunately for the credit of
humanity most unusual, has found
reckoning In the Municipal Court with
in the past week. It Is that of an aged
father appealing for protection from
bodily violence and threatened recom
mitment to the insane asylum at the
hands of his son.
Testimony showed this son to be an
arbitrary and pitiless creature, while
the father,' a feeble old man of 80
years, yet mentally alert for one of
hi age, was a frequent subject of
abuse by the unbridled tongue of his
offspring.
To a normal mind in which parental
responsibility and filial reverence are
evenly balancedthe legitimate opera
tions of cause and effect are here
plainly manifest, . It is impossible to
conceive of this father as a man .who
in his prime discharged the obligations
of fatherhood with Judgment and de
cision and with a degree of affection
that awoke an answering, note In the
heart of the son.. He may have been
and probably was a worthy man in the
ordinary acceptance of that term, but
that he lacked discretion and decision
. i . v. t ann iitt-fne the
in dealing nun uu
formative years of the life of the lat
ter is manifest In the character of the
man whom he begat and brought up.
Solomon, according to old-fashioned
reckoning accredited wisest of
men. did not greatly err in his esti
mate of parental duty when he warned
the fathers of Israel, saying: "Train
up a child In the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not depart
from it," The ways and means used
in this training process have fallen into
disrepute. The "rod" is especially as
sailed as the Instrument of barbarism
in training children. But it may be
doubted, even in this age of advanced
thought on the subject, whether It is
wise to dispute and wholly ignore the
processes of old by which boys were
taught, to respect parental authority
until respect therefor became second
nature.
'THE 6ENSE OF HUMOR.
That saving faculty which is called
the sense of' humor has not been
evenly distributed through the world.
Most wome are said to lack it. and
there are whole classes of men to
whom it seems for some inscrutable
reason to have been denied. Great
orators, for example, are usually In
capable of crackmg a Joke. They take
themselves with deadly seriousness
and assume the subllmest possible
pose whenever they appear in public.
Nothing could have been more sol
emn than Daniel Webster's figure. He
courted the epithet of "Olympian."
which some satirist must have gin
him. He loved to think of himself as
"hurling thunderbolts" and that sort
of thing. No doubt In his bibulous
moments, which, were far from infre
quent, Webster sometimes smiled, but
no ray of mirth ever penetrated his
speeches. Charles Sumner was even
more solemn than Webster.' The lat
ter had only his personal sublimity-to
maintain, but Sumner was burdened
with the additional weight of a mis
sion which permitted him no relaxa
tion, day or night. It was ever pres
ent calling upon him insistently .to
look grand and awful. Cicero was
sometimes playful in his letters. They
seem to prove that he could see the
funny side of things, but he kept every
vestige of a Joke resolutely out of his
orations. As for Demosthenes, we
have nothing to hint that he ever
smiled in his life.
' The spectacle of this great man try
ing to talk on the seashore with his
mouth full of pebbles must have been
diverting. Probably he did not In
vite many spectators, but how could
he have helped laughing at himself?
Still he did not. He took pains to tell
his friends about it as a serious af
fair. He deemed It an exercise great
ly to his credit, as no doubt it was.
and it has come down to us not in
the guise of a laughable episode, but
as an instance of shining heroism
merely. The truth of the matter is
that most heroic actions have their
funny side, as Shakespeare well knew.
One of the reasons why his plays are
so great is that he is always ready
to smile at the sublimities of his
characters. With all their stateliness.
orators never have had much influ
ence vupon the world. Demosthenes
failed" completely to persuade the
Athenians to do as he w ished, much as
they admired his eloquence. Cicero
cut but a sorry figure in opposition to
the schemes of Caesar. Webster's ca
reer ended in failure, and Sumner had
less to do with the real rousing of the
country against slavery than "Uncle
Tom's Cabin," which Is full of humor
and was written in the kitchen while
Mrs. Stowe watched over the pies she
was baking in the oven.
Epic poets are almost as destitute of
humor as orators. Dante habitually
speaks of himself as, upon the whole,
the most important personage on
earth, and his poetry is kept ruthlessly
up to the standard becoming Its au
thor's dignity. There is bitterness,
cruelty, tenderness and plenty of
hatred In the "Divine Comedy," but
no fun. Milton made one joke in
"Paradise Lost," but it was a pretty
bad one. Nobody ever laughs at It.
Perhaps great genius overweights the
brain of the man who has it and de
prives him of the power to estimate
himself and others at the true value.
The history of the world would not
have been very much different if De
mosthenes, Cicero and Daniel Web
ster had never lived. The effect of
Dante and Milton upon men's thought
has always been slight, and today it is
almost inappreciable.
The men who have modified the
fturse of history have been humorists.
Julius Caesar was far from being a
dignified personage. Shakespeare
makes him cracSc a Joke almost on the
edge of the grave. "Yon Cassius hath
a lean and hungry look. Let me have
none about me but such as are fat."
Martin Luther loved jolly company,
and . his theological writings are full
of fun. The books which men read,
instead of merely praising them, are
all humorous. The Bible, for instance,
Montaigne's essays and Franklin's au
tobiography. The Bible Is particularly
rich in Jokes, though some of them are
a little ghastly. The trick which Eli
jah played on the priests of Baal at
Mount Carmel was. amusing without
being bloody. How he managed to
bring down "the fire of the Lord"
which consumed not only the sacrifice
on the altar with wood, stones and
dust near by, but also licked up the
twelve barrels of water he had poured
over everything, we are not told, but
the poor priests of Baal, who could
not bring down even one spark, must
have been confounded indeed. No
doubt the Israelites had a good laugh
over the affair. Renan even finds wit
in many of the Savior's answers to
the Pharisees. The saying "Let him
that ' is without sin among you cast
the first stone" certainly did not lack
point, and we may perhaps without
irreverence Imagine the Man of Sor
rows smiling quietly as he uttered It.
It is not stretching matters at all to
speak of the parable of the. prodigal
son as a humorous story. This is not
Incompatible with recognition of its
profound wisdom. In fact, the wisest
writings in the world are also the most
humorous, though not the funniest.
Humor does not mean fun merely. It
signifies rather that wide understand
ing of men and things which brings
tolerance in its train. We are fanatics
because we do not understand other
men's point of view. If we did, the
impulse to burn them at the stake
would never arise in us. According to
the philosopher,, the only reason why
the good God endures the presence of
mankind in the universe is because he
understands why we are as -despicable
as we are. The great humorists like
Shakespeare and Moliere are not blind
to the vileness of men, but they see
the mitigating circumstances; they
delve into underlying causes. It is
possible that the rayless gloom of the
prohibitionists may be among the
I.
r-jiiisex of the failure of their propa
ganda in states like Oregon, where
people are pretty intelligent. If their
orators would crack a joke once in a
while, no doubt converts wouia do
more numerous. The world has come
tr. th nass where a man's influence
seems to be in about an Inverse ratio
to his solemnity. Of course this does
not Imply that earnestness, hinders a
o-on1 muse, but earnestness and
solemnity are different things. Per
haps they are incompatlDie. solem
nity Is the favorite companion of
hypocrisy.
Are we again to have girls real
school girls wearing their hair
smoothly combed away from their
foreheads and falling In tidy braids
neatly tied with pretty bows down
their backs? Is the "old-fashioned
girl" to enter the lists, against the
mushroom young woman with tower
ing cushions of false hair on her head
topped by huge bows of ribbon, ask
ing the favor of people of common
sense? Listen! the girls of the Salem
High Schools have appeared mines
rats, switches puffs and curls, their
natural hair falling in smooth braids
over their shoulders. Wonderful to
tell! And as delightful as wonderful.
May the new old-fashion speedily ex
tend to the high schools of Portland,
where the most astonishing modes of
dressing the hair prevail and have
long prevailed, causing many pretty
faces to look grotesque, and robbing
plain faces of what charms they pos
sess. Farmers of Union, Wallowa and
Baker Counties have found co-operation
in marketing their products
through an organization known as the
"Farmers' Co-operative Union," ex
ceedingly profitable. This is not
strange. It is, in fact, well knowra
that the large proportion of the pronts
of agriculture accrue to non-producers
who. having had the sagacity to or
ganize, handle and dispose of the
farmers' crops. Farmers have been
slow to learn the lesson of organiza
tion, but having once learned it, they
are not likely to go back to the old
go-as-you-please method of marketing
their crops. The experiment covering
a period of two years has resulted In
a saving to the farmers of the three
counties above named of not less than
$600,000, possibly as much as J1.000.
000. T,ho story is simple; Its lesson is
plain.
An apple tree eighty-five years old
is standing in front of the commissary
department at Fort Vancouver. The
old tree that has withstood the storms
of so many years is a seedling propa
gated from seeds carried from England
In the vest pockets of officers of the
Hudson's Bay Company. The question
asked by Bryant: "What plant we in
this apple tree?" has been answered
by this old tree year after year for
many succeeding years in fragrant
blossoms, green foliage and toothsome
apples, each In their recurring sea
sons giving pleasure to passers by.
Leading Christian Scientists are said
to regard the attempt to divert the
large fortune of Mrs. Eddy from the
Mother Church with indifference.. Log
ically, they say, the cult has grown to
its present status without this money,
and it is idle to suppose that it can
not maintain itself without it.
Importance of cities is too often
judged by population, hut did you hap
pen to notice that Portland's bank
clearings exceed those of Seattle, St.
Paul, Buffalo. Denver and Indianap
olis? Each of these cities looms larger
in the census returns.
Who saj-s that Baron Decies, aged
45. is too old to wed Vivian Gould, aged
17? Who, indeed, shall dare to say so,
since his lordship himself declares in
the chaste and elegant language of his
set that such an assertion is "tommy
rot?" The noble who is to marry Gould's
daughter didn't have enough money to
pay Uncle Sam's duty collectors on
the pier; but that is not to be won
dered at; money Is what the blue
blooded noble came here to get.
"Foolish virgins" indeed were the
erotic young damsels who set up to
live the perfect life with Evelyn Arthur
See. They are foolish still, since mqet
of them refuse to "see" anything wrong
in "See." '
How long before an apple tree quits
growing? While no orchardist may
answer definitely, we have authentic
testimony from Vancouver, Wash.,
that 85 years is not the limit.
When they get the through car serv
ice from Portland to Washington, D.
C , how handy It will be to get our
share of the reclamation fund without
changing cars!
Think of temperature 75 degrees
colder than Portland's mfnimum this
Winter and then be thankful you don't
live in that Canadian province called
Alberta.
When a great state like California
seriously takes up the subject of reg
ulating aerial traffic, we are again
reminded that the blrdman is here to
stay.
Just as a guess, it may be predicted
that Portland's immediate suburbs,
which numbered 8000 In 1910, will
reach 25,000 by 1920.
Everybody take off his hat to Med
ford. Increase In population since
1900, 393 per cent.
When that company itself furnishes
the' fuel, it is an easy Job to grill
Standard Oil.
Mrs. Eddy's estate will make "good
pickin's."
Senator Bourne Is ag'In Taft. Poor
Taft!
Go, Little Book. :
"Go, little book; -
Win from my dear one's eyes one
pleased look."
Thus did the poet of old time essay
The dedication of his am'rous lay.
That so his love might speed his halt
ing verse
To reach his lady's heart, howe'er por
- verse.
Ah, me! What changes In the ways of
men!
Today, with the lover's zeal, I grasp
my pen:
But 'tis to sign one more of those large
checks v
Which Nancy's violets weekly turn to
wrecks.
The check pad thins; I sigh with
llng'rlng look.
"Go, little book."
r-J. Gilbert.
TOPICAL VERSE"
--
The Old Miser.
He didn't care for songbirds . j.
Their music wouldn't last; ,i
But the eagle on a dollar -,
Made
hi9 .
heart
beat
fast!
Birmingham Age-Herald.
He didn't care for showgirls
He wouldn't buy a kiss:
At the thought of it his ardor f-
Would '
go
down
like '
this!
Springfield Union.
He didn't care for showgirls
He didn't yearn for autos.
He had no desire to fly: i
At the thought of buying fudge
high! T
this
rose
anger
' His
Schenectady Post.
He didn't care for highballs '
You couldn't make him treat;
And when some rummy set 'em up
They In feet,
landed his
Washington Post.
He cut out things he didn't want
And saved bis coin till now
He could buy a block of Easy Marks
For his
Wad
Would choke a
cow. '
Exchange.
Feeding the Brute.
, Eery sinner.
After dinner.
Seems more mellow
And a fellow
Well worth while;
Stops his growling
And his scowling.
Quips don't wound him.
Looks around him '
With a smile.
Food's a wonder
Tis, by thunder!
For improving
Man and moving
Him to cheer.
Woman knows It
And she shows it
In such ways, he
Stuffs and says she
Is a dear.
Birmingham, Ala., Age-Herald.
Real Goblins.
Once there was a little girl f
Who tried to smuggle things, (
And when the dock inspectors came
She up and hid her rings:
And when they asked her what she had
She just said, "Nuthin', sir!"
Although she knew it wasn't true
She had 'em all on her.
And when they had her searched, oh.
my!
They found 'em In her hair
And the customs men'll get you
Ef you don't de-clare.
Then there was a little boy
Who bought a lot of clothes.
And handkerchiefs and shirts aud
things.
And underwear and hose;
And as he landed on the dock
He looked just like a saint.
When asked if he'd bought things
abroad
" He said, "No, sir, I ain't!"
But when tliey opened up his trunks
The things they found in there!
And the customs men'll get you
Ef vou don't de-clare.
W. W. Whitelock in N. Y. Time.
Back on the Hill. r
How would you like to go and fe
The candle-lighted Christmas tree
In the old schoolhouse on the hill,
And hear again the voices shrill
Of the glad children as they sang ,
Their Christmas 6ongs how sweet they
rang!
And sae the children bow and speak
Their pieces in a frightened squeak?
That would be fine! You know It would!
The very thought of it is good!
Each mother sitting there as proud,
Her glad eyes shining in the crowd
The while her little boy or girl
With tousled hair or ribboned curl
Stopped spoke and stopped and caught
her breath.
And bowed and quit half scared to death.
Those were some doings! Don't you know
The time you spoke? It scared you so
The little childish Christmas rhyme
Meant to take full ten minutes time
In telling did not use up one!
For it almost seemed that you were done
Before you started don't you know
You wee so scared and galloped so?
But you made a tremendous hit!
And your folks were so proud of it
And how your farther simply glowed!
And mother squeezed you up and showed
The package tied with ribbons blue
That was hung on the tree for you.
That Santa Claus would soon hand down
You were the gladdest boy In town!
You got some thing this year perhaps
More costly than what all the chaps
Got from the tree that Christmas day
That is so far-so far away
From here and now but you will be
Thinking of that old Christmas tree
Away back yonder on the hill
When you were young you know yotljr
will!
Judd Mortimer Lewis, in Houston
(Texas) Post.
My Hobble.
I love my new hobble,
It clings to my form;
And If I am careful
Twill do me no harm.
It hangs in my closet
Stretched over a broom;
For one thing I'm thankful.
It takes up no room.
I brush it, and press it.
And tend it with love;
And If I grow stouter
Twill fit like a glove.
I love my new hobble.
Its cling is so warm;
And if I don't wear it.
Twill do me no harm!
Chicago Tribune.
What the Poet Brought
He came and went that day ao quietly
1 scarce knew he had come ere he was
gone.
But, turning, saw that he had left upon
My hearth a casket with a golden key;
And in the box that he bad brought to
me
I found a crimson sunset and a dawn,
A cloud, a rainbow and a grassy lawn,
A cloth of moonbeams and a honey. bee,
A rose, a ribbon and a lock of hair,
A woman's picture and a signet ring,
A silver stream within a woodland
Wild,
A dewdrop on a lily frail and fair,
The music of a bluebird in the.Spring
And, best of all, the laughter of a
child.
James W. Callahan in mtrt Sal.