6 TIIE STJXDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, DECEMBER 4. 1910-
HASHIMURA TOGO, DETECTIVE
THE GREAT MONKEY MYSTERY OR THE REAL REASON FOR THE REPUBLICAN DEFEAT
SEIT SOCIO WAS IHU JAPAEE SPLASHES O.t THE iTLA.MIC OCEA.V
Ts Editor Oregnnlan. hoping he fe)
very Constitutional this morning.
Dear Sir:
You bite doubtlnsly noticed by re
rant news-print severs! type-pace ar
ticles about lion. Prof. Garner. African
tnenagerle man. and his Intelligent
monkansee. Miss Susie? Tou noticed
this. And with the great horse-power
of your brain, yoi are doubtlessly
aware that this Miss Suzle. though
of humbel ape origin and family. Is
enabled to show many marvelous
symptoms of high political develop
ment Including conversation.
Clad In fashionable trousers of suf
fragette appearance, she ran read and
understand the novels of Kobt. W.
lumbers. sln her name to public
documents, pronounce me name ox
'hrles '. Murphy In three languages,
and when the word "Tariff Is men
tioned she will clabber with monkey
feansais to the top of the chandelier
end wave an American flag for IS
complete minutes. the can perform
arithmetic with all her fingers and I
toea. Mie know the difference be- I
tween Woodrow Wilson and throve
Cleveland. Hat when asked. "What
are the difference between a Canno
Republican and a Tammany Demo
crat?" she answer. "Search me!'
which are the correct reply.
Altngetharly this Miss Susie show
all the advantages of sendinc respect
able monkeys to Yale and Harvard.
Mr. :dltr. you doubtlessly rea
about tills Miss buile with humorlstlc
eve-wink. You doubtlessly not ced her
tnuslcal-romedy qualities and though
thouchttully. "v ben Miss t-usle goes
on the stage I shall be tUere fre
auently."
hut Or when jou know what T shall
tell you about this Miss Susie you
snail cease fur smlilnr' fhe was not
brought to America for scientific or
nther Idle purposes. Miss buile Is
Republican plot, and she was Imported
to wreck V. S. Oovt. Why she didn't
! eo Nov. last sth was brave accora
jIlhmenl of tne A NugU which I shall
explain.
Fever! months previously to no
when Hon. Kepubllcan Tarty waa still
there, thank you. me A Noict was wan
dering piut Arlington Ceinetaxy. Wasb.
1. C. where wc went with our his
torlral min is. Of suddenly, while thus
ly walking, we observed a very pe
culiarly sunt. A Human Man came
etrolllcg down silent path accompa
nied by a Monkey. That gentleman waa
ciaj out In frockaway coat, ellk-plpe
hat and pat si; of, peculiar to persons
wishing to call on Senator jLodge. That
monkly lady was wearing green neglt
sree fijimu. a Mary Gardner hat and
a ssille of Jungle attractiveness. They
was engaged la aggravated conversa
tion.
MUi Suxle." say Trof. Garner for It
was 1.1m. "you must be entirely polite
to these gentlrmane to-day. because
t.iey are very hlirh-up personalities."
"I shall do whatever possible." re
aponse this monkansee with altghtly
African accent.
Tou must not eat peanut, or manl
cure your ears with your feet, or any
other rr.enAfferitfh. trick vteculljtr la
bahoonery." narrate Prof. Oarner.
"Oh no. sir. I never shall:" report
Miss Susie carefully lighting a cigar
ette wlta her big toe.
"Everything depend on the lmpres
sion you make today." revoke Prof.
tlarner. "Kor these politlctana before
which we will lecture are so Important
In the Kepubllcan party that they may
do a great considerable to help the
monkey business In America."
"1 shall obey with all my soul." say
she apely.
Thuily talking arm In arm they
loped onwards among tall tombs.
"Nogl." I collapse to my cousin, "this
seem dellclously unnatural."
"What doT' negotiate Nogl.
"When a Prof and a monkey are
found walking In a graveyard chatter
ing about Kepubllcan politics. It looks
very muckraklsh to me."
"This would be nice Jobs for Detee
.tlves." suggest Noel. Therefore we
(put on our deceptive moustaches and
tiollow doggtshly after that guilty cou
ij.le. By shady lane full of conservation
trees. Prof Suzle stop and make soft
whistles. I other whistles heard from
behind tombstones and. of suddenly. S
fat Kepubllcan beads was thrust forth
ly. Miss Susie make Chltauua salute.
I'rof Garner remove off his aUk-plpe
hat.
With serious feetsteps them 1 Re
publicans come baffably forth. Me
Nogl. snuggled softly among the herbs,
could see who was. It was Boss At
torney Wlckersham. Postofflce liltch
co. k and Senator Smoot
Wp breathing by us.
"Gentleman, this Is Miss Susie of
Congo," deplore Hon. I'rof. Election-
ttav shake-hands by alL
Let us not stand here making emntv
lUeccM, ear. Poatofriea JOiichcob
with hansom blond expression. "Let
us talk like business managers. What
was your objeck in bringing this Mon
key to us so sneekretly "
"To prove that monkeys are human
and therefore qualified to vote," cor
rode Prof Garner fearlessly.
"How shall you prove this?" require
I Republicans nervely.
"By simple anthology," aay Prof Gar
ner. "What Is Man 7 He Is a two
legged quadruped who wears a hat and
ain't got sense enough to keep still
when spoken to. The same Is true of
Women, only more so. Monkeys, like
men. are also two-legged quadrupeds,
but they have hitherto been atpposed
to be mere brutal mammals because
the) could not speak Kngllsh
"How foolish:" report Miss Suzle
with girlish voice.
All them Statesmen bait backwards
whn they hear this.
"1 observe this baboon can talk very
nicely." snuggest Senator Smoot.
"What other qualifications to Tote do
she possess?
"She has read the Declaration of In
dependence and can write a letter In
correct tncllsb. say ITof.
"Many District Leaders can do far
less." relapse Hon. Hitchcock.
'aLet us hear some of tier education.
say Senator Smoot.
"Suxle." require Prof. Garner, "who
discovered America?"
"Columbus discovered It. but John T.
Rockefeller wss the first to see Its pos
sibilities." chatter Susie, cutely catching
flies with hr left foot.
"Who Is the Father of bis Country T
examine prof.
"Washington, report this brlte mon
key girl. "But Ileitis Green Is Its
Aunt."
Who freed the slaves?" enquls lion.
Wlckersham shyly.
r.ugene V. 1Kb. suggest little
Suxle with Barnuin movements of ears.
You see." conjugate Hon. Garner to
them Republicans. "Miss Susie have got
more misinformation now than the
average voter. True, her sex disbars
her from casting a ballot, but' I nave
showed you her education to prove that
male monkeys of equal Intelligence and J
social charm ahould be permitted to
cast a vote for the Republican party."
"The Constitution do not say that
monkeys can vote," rcnlg lion. Hitch
cock postofilclally.
"It doesn't saytliey can't," modulate
Hon. I'rof. "And silence gives consent.
even In the Supreme Court.
Senator Smoot, assisted by Ross Iaw
yer Wlckersham ac Postofitlcer Hitch'
cock, think thoughtfully.
"For what price of money can you
furnish the Republican Party with one
million monkeys capable of votlnor the
siraignt ucKetr' require Hon. Hitch'
cock, who Is a business man, even In
ins wildest patriotism.
"In lsS." say Prof. Gamer. "I found
ed In Africa the Congo Baboon College.
From them trees of classic knowledge
we have now turned out over a million
gentleman graduates. For three dollars
apiece I shall be willing to ship these
voters from the Jungle to any State you
wisn with instructions to vote for the
finest tariff ever passed."
"How would you get so many monkeys
over hore?" require Hon. Smoot.
Already I have chartered an ocean
poora before It bumps to New Tort"
snagger. with voice full of bullets. So i
we walk forward.
One week afterwards Hon. Wenman.
talented Columbus of Atlantic City, was
expected to make sail-off for Europe or
somewhercs else. Mo & Nogi, disgused
to look like cans of gasolene, croll In
side that baloon. and firstly we knew,
we waa crossing Ocean at rapid strides.
tor s complete cays we snuggled be
neath pile of groceries with sly expres
sion peculiar to hens setting on snakes'
eggs. One brite Wedsday p. m. Nogl,
peeping from lite-boat of this airship,
seen something which cause him to hol
la with voice:
"Togo. Togo! Come hltherly!" v t
I approach with scrambles and be-
bolt! In the exact center of the Ocean
was a huj steam-ship entirely covered
with monkeys. Closer and more closely
we approach up to that ape-boat- With
nervua opera glasses we could distinc-
tually read In front porch of this float
ing menagerie the word 'J.II.LYPOO-
ZA."
"Nogl." I whisper baffably, "we must
catch this boat now or neverlv!"
Our Wellmanship was now floating ex
actly over that vessel. In one second
more Hon. Kquillbrator would smash
over the front porch of the Lillypooza
and every monkey's son on board would
be drownded.
"Follow me with Immediate quick
ness. I holla to Nogl. And before we
could Imaslne, we was cluttering down
Hon. Equllibrator. By nert minutes
JUMP: We had arrived to deck of Lil
lypooza.
"J'okI. I say dlstlnctually. "It is our
duty as patriotic Japan-Americans to
take this boat-load of monkey-voters
back to Africa where they can never
be useful to Republican Pary."
Togo. I have the honor to agree "
begin Nogl, but before he could Bay
anything Intelligible, SCRASH!
What was it?
"I will explan. Hon. Equlllbrator,
plg-lron tall to Wellman baloon, had
swang with terrtflctual force &
knocked huj break-hole In side of
steam ship Lillypooza. O hord truth!
We was sinking!!
lth wet rush of damp water that
gallant boat begin going downward.
From smoking room, saloon and bridal
suites below come elaborate yalls of
1,000,000 monkeys which begin clomb-
Ing on deck making conversation in 12
Kuropean languages.
" ho done It. please?" require ona
dog-face mandril with Depew whiskers.
It Is complete outrage! snuggest
one orang-outang putting on a life-
preserver over his English overcoat.
Nextly from below stairs come roar
like a wounded Trust. All monkeys
turn pale with frightened fear. They
rosh to masts, spars and front porch
of vessel, hoping to be minus.
Nextly with elaborate holler and
peeved snarl a gentleman Gorilla of
Jefferies appearance rosh to deck ax
claiming in perfect English:
Who done it? Who done It? Let mo
get my thumbs around him!!"
First humane objeck he seen on deck
was me & Nogl. With angTy rage quiv
ering from his toes, be start to ap
proach us.
"I shall meet you in New York." I
holla to Nogl, while I make Anette Kel-
lerman feetstcpa in direction of railing.
I shall meet you there first.' ex-
clam Cousin Nogi.
Next sound was two Japanese
splashes on the Atlantic ocean. Me and
Nogl grab a hardware box which we
find floating amidst us. By gradual de
grees we could observe Hon. Lillypooza,
with her cargo of monkey voters, slink
ing offwarda, dipping deeper and more
deeply into water. Dimly through our
opera glasses we could observe Hon.
Gorilla leaning over railing and ad
dressing us with Tammany language.
Thusly we was left alone In the midst
of danger enjoying hopeless despair
while observing entire Ocean dancing
around with local option expression.
We was deserted, and so was the Re
publican party.
Hoping yon are the same
Yours truly,
HASHLMURA TOGO.
(Copyright. 1510. by the Associated Llt-
crary Fress.)
Some Live Talks With Dead Ones
SIMPLE SIMON ON THE HABITS OF MR. GENIUS.
I
RECOGNIZE you now," I said
after studying for a minute his
strangely familiar face. "You
are the hero of the nursery rhyme of
my childhood s happy days the one
that started
Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair.
"You guessed it right the first time.
said Simple Simon, for It was Indeed
no other. "I believe there was a short
poem-written by the late Mrs. Goose
to commemorate the Incident you men
tlon."
"Well." I said, "I'm glad I met up
with you, because there's something I
want to find out. The finish of that
poem left me in doubt as to bow the
transaction between you and the pie
salesman finally terminated. It was, if
I may say so, antl-cllmatls because it
broke off, leaving you saying to the
pieman. 'Indeed I have not any,' In an
swer to his. question whether or not
you had the necessary pnny. And so
all these years I've been wondering
how the deal cameout did or did not
you get the pie?
"I got the pie," said Simple Simon. "I
got It without a struggle. I got It in
the good old days when pies sold for
a penny, and I may state that in com
mon with others of my kind I am still
getting It in this period of advanced
cost of living when only a very wealthy
family could afford a whole pie and a
filet mlgnon is so expensive that after
paying the restaurant price for one you
feel as if you ought to mount it into a
scarfpin and wear it Instead of just de
Iiberately sitting down and eating it.
In this connection I may also state that
such has ever been the custom of the
Simple Simons of history. We bring
home the bacon. While the high brows
and the scoffers of the world are think
ing up names to call us, the members
of the Simple Simon brotherhood gar
ner in the pie, all varieties, kivered,
cross barred, deep dish, open face,
hunting case, half shell-r apple, mince,
squash and lemon meringue with a
slice of American cheese and without
all kinds of pie. We may or may not
have the penny, but we have the pur
pose and the perseverance, and that's
why in the face of ridicule, general
contempt and utter disbelief, we are
usually found in chapter the last wip
ing crumbs of crust and a trifle of the
filling off the lower lobes of our pink
and shell-like ears.
"It's this way with this proposition
of garnering in the pie ' of the golden
present and the pudding of the still
more glorious future," contlnue4 Simple
Simon, warmius to bis subject. "Se
long as a person is content to walk in
the straight road that everybody else
follows, wearing his ideas like his
clothes, custom-made, and thinking the
same old bogus thoughts that the gen
eral run have been using for the last
two or three million years, he's re
garded as a perfectly normal person
In reform years he may even get
elected to the school board. People say
he Is a safe, sane, conservative person,
and the banks hire him and let him do
all the hard work and pay him as much
as $1400 a year for it.
"But, on the other hand, there comes
along once in a great while a person
who thinks be has a real new idea or
an old idea made over, which often
amounts to the same thing. And sup
pose Instead of allowing his idea to be
liner, say Prof. "Two weeks previous
to now the Pink Pur Liner Lillypooza f ATTI F DRIVERS ACTIVE I Put t0 a 8l0w death by being smoth
sailed from Cape Town with a carno of w" ' ""- - "w - -red undor the dark lead-colored mass.
l.M)0,0uo cultivated monkeys. I guarantee
each one of them to be capabiilous of
casting a vote, if not, money will be
refunded."
"Already I am less discouraged." do
plore Hon. Hitchcock. "If them mon
keys gets here before next Congressional
Ejection, all won't be lost."
So them S taiimana give band-clasp
to Miss Suzle and departed offwards.
When they had eloped away Miss Su
sie say to Hon. Garner:
"O. O.. Mr. Prof." say her. "are It not
undignified to Introduce monkey business
Into politicks?"
"Huslu child," be throw back, 'it bas
been done before."
8o they fade to trees.
When they was went, I say with sharp
poke to ioffi:
"This must stop berore It begins.
How to do so?" require Nogl.
"We must "discover that vessel Lilly-
i I
SHE WILL WtVB CLABBER WIT H MOVKEY' BAXXAI9 TO THE TOP
OF THE t HAM1F.I IKK AAD WAVti A-1 AMERICA- FLAG FOR 15
lOjIl'IXTG UiAlTCH,,
Herds of Many Farmers in West of
Ireland Are Missing.
DUBLIN, Dec. 3. Speclel.) Another
epidemic of cattle driving has broken out
In the west of Iroland. In the Castlebar
district alone there have been no fewer
than nine drives within the last few
days, involving upwards of 300 animals.
On one night 10 cows were driven off the
lauds of Major D. S. Browne, who farms
on an extensive scale on property oi
which he is hlmivlf landlord: 38 bullocks
belonging to Walter Joyce, landlord, were
driven off Kllnock farm; Walter Fahy,
Greenland, had 40 head of cattle driven
off lands which he holds under the 11
months' system et Kilkenny, two miles
from Castlebar. and la bullocks, the prop
erty of T. R. Thornton. Balllnvllla, were
driven off the lands of Windsor.
Next nlrht 90 cattle grazing on the
farm of Val Bayres, near Castelhar,
were scattered, and drives also took place
from the lands of T. R. Thornton and M.
Sheridan, 19 beasts being removed in the
case of the former and six in the case of
the latter. Subsequently the "hazel
men" turned their attention to a num
ber of cows and calves belonging to John
B. Moran, Castclbar, and to 40 cattle
grazing on the lands of Thomas McDon
nell, most of the latter being found at
Burren, some miles awey. Large forces
of oollce had to scour the country for
two or three days before all the missing
rattle were restored to their owner
Many of tho animals were Impounded In
Castlebar by farmers who found til em
trespassing on their lands.
ered undor the dark lead-colored mass,
known as public opinion, be actually
persists in trying to work out some
thing original. That's the cue for the
well-known Ochre Brothers Modle and
Yello to put their beads close together
like the baritone and the bass in
village quartet, and begin saying to
one another: 'Well, I suppose it can
only be a short time now until it will
become necessary for society to throw
a net over the poor creature and take
him up to tho official wheel works and
lock him up with the other nuts, bolts
and loose screws. His mind appears to
be entirely gone why, the poor, de
luded ass actually thinks he is going
to invent a way to talik to people miles
away across a wire. Very sad case,
very sad and be had tho makings of a
good shoe clerk in him, and was mak
ing bis $18 a week just like finding It
before bis brain began to mush up and
turn into a cup custard.' That's the
way they talk. If he does fail, or if
disappointment and disbelief and ridi
cule kill him before be works out his
scheme, then the members of the I Told
You So Club repair to the graveyard
and celebrate their annual sports, pas
times and quaint tribal rites over his
grave, and good-hearted people console
bis widow by telling her these things
are nearly always for the best because
If he'd gone on the way he was going
be might have taken a violent turn and
killed ber and the children. And if he
wins out and slips over the telephone
or the by plane or the Irish setter col-
he did after tunneling his forehead out
from under the markings of a fruit
salad, was to begin o cogitate within
himself why it was that when an apple
fell, it fell downward Instead of up
ward or off to one side. And inside of
three months he was putting the brand
new Principle of the Attraction of
Gravitation up in cans for the export
trade a principle that has been of in
valuable assistance to persons who
dropped fragile chinaware or fell out
of balloons.
"I have it on reliable authority that
when Robert Fulton built his first
steamboat all the Canal mules, includ
ing those who had four legs and those
who had only two, stood on the banks
of the Hudson River and hawhawed
their derision and made bets as to how
long it would be before the insane flut
ter mill blew up and spread the poor
mad Inventor all over Putnam County.
Years later at the county poor farm,
where they spent their declining years,
many of them were stllPwondering to
their dying day, why the blow-up that
was inevitable had been delayed so
long in coming.
"Until a comparatively recent period
a couple of typical Simple Simons re
sided m a certain city of the Middle
West which up until that time had
been known chiefly as the home of a
device for making honesty easy, called
cash register. They were brothers
and they had a growing bicycle repair
Business. Those who owned bicycles
back in those ancient days will recall
that the repair business was bound to
be a growing one because when it
came to getting out of repair the bi
cycle was the little sister of the auto
mobile and a first cousin to the two
dollar watch. But this pair just
wouldn't stick to the business. They
went crazy with the heat or some
thing. They thought they could actu
ally learn to fly a thing which every
hay and feed merchant in the state of
Ohio knew to be simply. Impossible on
the. very face of It. But the deluded
idiots went right ahead despite what
everybody said to them, wasting time
and money, actually real money, mak
ing models of a delirious contraption
that looked like a collection of mill
end remnants wrapped around the
works of a grandfather's clock, with
few threshing machine parts and a
gasoline tank hung on for good meas
ure. Prominent citizens used to peer
into the workshop where they were at
work and gaze on the ruin of two
bright young minds with tears in their
eyes. I r.uppose the Innocent children
wrote 'crazy or 'simple minded on
their front steps of a Halloween night,
and I've no doubt in my own mind that
the official town pessimist took them
aside and said, Took here. boys. I've
knowed you from the cradle and I'm
speakin' to you now for your own
good. Don't you know nobody ever did
learn to fly? And furthermore, if
anybody ever did,, don't you know that
it just natchelly couldn't be nobody
from Dayton?"
"But they kept right on pottering
and tinkering, with everybody going
around saying that while possibly their
invention might make a good well dig
ger with a few improvements added
or a stone sled if it only bad runners
under it, or maybe submarine divers
might find a use for it some way, but
certainly the last thing on earth it
would do, would be to fly. And finally
came a time when they were detected
in the crowning folly of all. Here were
two big strong men actually going out
in the woods and lying on their backs
and studying the flight of birds. The
flight of birds mind you! Well, what
do you think of that! After that there
was positively nothing to do. Relatives
and friends of the family held a grand
lodge of sorrow and wondered whether
they'd go quietly when the wagon came
for them or would it be necessary to
tie their hands and feet. . I am told
that they had been flying several
months before you could convince the
majority of their fellow townsmen that
it wasn't an optical delusion. And I
hear that every time Wilbur or Orville
climbs in his little machine and soars
up and up, he waits until he's about
2000 feet in the air and then thinks of
Dayton and bursts out laughing.
"So it goes and It always has gone.
When Harvey, who was the champion
Simple Simon of medicine, discovered
the circulation of the blood, they
wanted to burn him at the stake. You
see they were more merciful in those
days, much more merciful. Then they
put an original thinker to death by.
reasonably swift methods. Nowadays
the rest of the world tries to laugh
him to death an inch at a time. If you
don't think the same way everybody
else does, you are a poor foolish gink."
"Genius sometimes walks hand in
hand with luxury." I said.
"Well, if they do they're better com
pany for each other than conventional
ity walking arm In arm with mediocrity
and pessimism tagging along behind
warning them that they should have
taken an umbrella because It's sure to
rain," retorted Simple Simon.
"By the way," I said as I arose to
go, "you never did tell me how you
came to get that pieman's pie?"
"Oh," he said, "that was very sim
ple I matched him for it and won."
"But you didn't have any penny?" X
said.
"No," said Simple Simon, "but I had
a dime. And I was the original discov
erer of the two-headed dime."
GERMAN MACHINES USED
Students Call Attention to Importa
tions by French Government.
PARIS. Dee. 3. (Special.) Tho presi
dent of the Societe de Mecanlque Indus
trielle at Dunk'rk writes to the Journey
L'Usine calling attention to the extent
to which German machinery is being used
in government establishments in France.
The technical school at Montmedy pre
sents to its students a gas motor import
ed from Germany. The same fact is ob
served at tho technical school at Pons,
at the Upper Normal School at St. Cloud
and at the municipal school in the Rue
de Pre St. Gervais. In Paris. It would
be impossible to demonstrate more clear
ly to French future manufacturers, en
gineers and foremen that Germany alone
is capable of constructing gas motors.
In other administrations there are nu
merous examples of the favor enjoyed by
foreign plants. At the powder manu
factory at Sevran-livry a motor of 25
horsepower of German make is installed.
At the match factory at Salntalnes (Oise),
which is under the Ministry of Finance,
the machinery is Swiss. The municipal
water-elevating machinery of the town
of , Avesnes is of Belgian make and at
the Hospital of St- Dizier (Hauto Marne)
an electric plant has been Installed with
motors imported from Germany.
AERO SCHOOL IS PLANNED-
Scandinavians to
fop Aviators'
Establish Placa
Instruction.
COPENHAGEN, Dec. 3. (Special.)
The first Scandinavian aero school has
just been opened in the Island of Amok,,
quite close to Copenhagen.
Robert Svendsen, the well-known
Danish "flyer," who was the first to
cross the 6ound on an aeroplane, has
accepted th post of instructor. Svend
sen, who has been trained by Collleu, at
Mourmelon, is not only clever, but a
thoroughly nice fellow, long-headed
and plucky, without being foolhardy.
and his career as an aeronaut bas been
one of constant progress.
A considerable number of pupils have
already given in their names amongst
them a lady. Miss Kltta von Zelwasky.
Several officers of the Danish army
are also desirous of being instructed
by Svendsen, and a military class will
probably be formed to comply with.
their special requirements.
STATUE HONORS MEMORY
OF MINISTER WARRIOR
Bronze of General Peter Muhlenberg, Hero of Eevolntion, Who Left Pulpit
to Fight, Unveiled at Philadelphia,
RIFLE EXPERT IN DISGRACE Ur button, that does lt own retrieving.
or somo omar ooon 10 Duiienag Hu
manity, the I-Knew-Him-Whens hold
a short session and a lot of wealthy
persons in the prompting and develop
ing lines of business get together and
frame up a scheme for taking the fruits
of bis invention away from him. But
posterity comes along and erects me
morial arches to bis memory.
"Now, there was Sir Isaac Newton, for
example. 'He was one of the leading
Simple Simons of his day. He went
out one time and sat down in the or
chard and a windfall descended from
the Northern Spy tree and busted him
in the brow. Now, then, if Sir Isaac
bad been a conventional guy like every
body else in the world, except seven or
eight, be wouldn't have been wasting
his time sitting under an apple tree in
the heat of the day he'd have been
down town trying to scratch out a liv
ing, or. If it happened to be his after
noon off. he'd at least have been helping
mm Tlrtt with r,v rtA 1nha nmtlnd
DYING MESSAGE RECORDED the bouse. And If be had been such a
person and an apple had by any chance
rigcott, Australian Champion, Con
fesses to Cheating.
SYDNEY. N. a W.. Dec 1 (Special.)
A greet stir has oeen caused Dy tne
charge against PisSott, the winner of the
King's Australian Prize for shooting.
Despite doubts as to the genuineness of
Pigerott'a score at the. final lOuO yards
range in the King's Prize, his card show
ing i0 of 60 was accepted, as it bore the
c heck sc ore r s initials and the registrar's
signature. Investigational led to the can
cellation of the selection of Plggott to
represent New South Wales against
Victoria and later to disqualification for
life.
Plggott, who bas confessed. Is now
under remand charged with obtaining
S.VI0 by false pretence from the National
Rifle Association. The case is extraordi
nary in view of the elaborate checking
precautions, which are modelled on those
of Bisley, England.
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Father on Deathbed Talks Into Pho
nograph to Children.
CHICAGO, Dec. 3. After dictating Into
a phonograph a last m esse pre to his chil
dren, John Kryl, a sculptor, 71 years
old. died Friday.
Seeing that the end was near and fear
ing that he would not be able to see and
speak to his live children, Kryl asked
that a phonograph be brought. This was
done and the father spoke in the langu
age of the home land. Bohemia; his part
ing words, telling his children that, after
loug ife, ho was ready to die.
He bid them all farewell, and within
six liouxa was -dead.
smashed Itself to marmelade on the
flinty slate apex of bis hollow tile dome
he would merely have remarked to
himself as he combed the pulp out of
bis hair and picked the seeds out of
bis ears 'Curious thing about apples.
When they fall off a tree they fall
straight downward, just like that. And
when made up into applejack or bard
cider they have a strange habit of
falling in eight or nine different di
rections at once. I wonder if dinner's
most ready? And be'd have let it go
at that.
"But Sir Isaac was there with the
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STATUS OS GUNEHAX. HTJHLEKBTJRCi,
TU statue of General Peter Muhlen
berg, hero of the Revolutionary
War, was unveiled at Philadelphia re
cently. It stands on the southern plaza
of the City Hall. The statue was erect
ed by the German-American organiza-
pajpltatlng; intellect. Ilia first thins Una oi PbOadclpliia, On tie base or J to flgtt, ana -now ; is tbe Umja-to-flgbt,'
the statue is a scene in relief showing
Muhlenberg in the pulpit of the church,
at Woodstock, Va., taking off his
priest's vestments and revealing bis
uniform as he said: "There is a time for
all things a time to preach and a tinuW