HEN
RY3 BEiT j I UKt
1 s?s '
THE LONESOME ROAD
rOWT a coffee berry, rugged.
pistoled, spurred, wary. Indefeasi
ble. I sew my old friend. Ieputy-
marshal Bo. -k laperton. tnmll, with
jingling roirtli. Into ch1r tn the mar
shal's outer office.
And b'tu( the courthouse was al
most deserted at tliat hour, and be
raas B'i'k would sometime relate to
me things that wer out of print. I
followed him Into talk through knowl
edge of a vkni he tad. For cigar
ettes rolled al'h '! corn husk were
as hny t B'irk's palat: and though
he could finger the IrlttT of a forty
ftra with skill and suddenness, ha
never could learn to roll a cigarette.
It was throurh no fault of mine f"r
I roll'd the cigarette tight and amooth)
but the upshot of some whim of hla
own. that Instead of to an Odyssey "
I ha chaparral. I listened to a dlsser
!tl"n upon matrimony. This from
p.,rk faperton. But I maintain that
the cigarette were Irr.pe.-rable; and
rrae absolution for myself.
We Just brought In Jiiu and Bud
Cranberry." said Buck. "Train rohhlna;
; ou know. ITeld tip tho Aransas 1""
last month. Wa caught m In tha
Twenty Mile pear flat, south of tha
Neuraa."
"Hara much trouble rnrrallng them?"
I asked, for here, was tha meat that my
hunger for eplca craved. 1
-Soma." said Buck; .and then, dur
ing a llttta peusa. hla thoughts stam-
paded off tha trail. "If a kind of quear
about women." ha went on; "and tho
place tbeyra supposed to occupy In
botany. If 1 was asked to claasify
them Td aay they was a human loco
weed. Ever sea a brow that had been
hewing loco? Ride him up to a puddle
of water two feat wide, and he'll give
a enort and fail bark on you. It looka
aa big as tho Mississippi River to him.
Next trip had walk Into a canyon a
thousand feat deep thinking It waa
prairie do hole. Same way with a
married man.
"I waa tblnklnc of Perry Kountree.
that used to be my sldekleker before he
committed matrimony. In them daya
ma and Perry hated Indlaturbaneea of
any kind. We roamed around consid
erable, stirring up the echoes and mak
ing 'am attend to bualnesa. Why. when
me and Perry wanted to have aorne fun
In a town It was a plcnio for tha cen
sus takers. They Just counted the mar
shals poeao that It took to aubdue us.
and there waa your population. But
then there came along thla Mariana
Goodnight irtrl and looked at Perry
sideways, and he waa all bridle-wise
and aaddlebroko before you could akin
a yearling.
I wasn't even asked to tha wedding.
I reckon the bride had my pedigree
and the front elevation of my habits
all mapped oot. and aha decided that
Perry would trot better In double har
aeaa without any unconverted mustang
Ilka Buck Caperton whickering around
on the matrimonial range. So It waa
six months before I aay Terry again-.
"One day I waa passing on tha edge
of town, and I see something like a
man In a little yard by a little house
with a sprinkling pot squirting water
on a rose-bush. Seemed to me I'd seen
something like It before, and I atopped
at the gate, trying. to figure out Ita
brands. Twas not Perry Rountree. but
'twas tha kind of a curdled jellyfish
matrimony had made out of him.
"Homicide was what that Mariana
had perpetrated. lie was look in r well
enough, but he had on a white collar
and shoes, and you could tall in a mln-
te that he'd apeak polite and par
taxes and stick his little finger . out
while drinking. Just Uke a sheep man
or a citizen. Great skyrockets, but I
hated to aee Parry ail corrupted and
Wlllle-Ued Khe that.
"lie came out to the gate, and shook
hands; and I says, with scorn, and
speaking like a paroquet with the pip:
"Beg pardon Mr. Rountree. I believe
seems to me I sagatlated tn your as-
soclatloos once. If I ant not mistaken.
" "Oh. go to tho devil. Buck.' says
Perry, polite, as I was afraid he'd be.
"Well, then. says I. "you poor, con
taminated adjunct of a sprinkling pot
and degraded household pet. what did
too go and do It for? Look at yon. all
4aoaat and anrlotoua. and only ftt to
ait on Juries and mend the woodhouee
door. Too was a man once. I have
hostility for such acta. Why don't
you go In the house and count the
tidies or set the clock, and not stand
out here in the atmosphere? A Jack
rabbit might come along and hlte you.
Sow Bock. says Perry, speaking
naTld. and some sorrowful. you don't
tnderstand. A married man has got to
be different. Be feels different from
a tough old cloudburst like you. It's
sinful to waste rime pulling np towns
Just to look at their roots, snd playing
faro snd looking upon red liquor, snd
auch restless pollcl'S so them."
- Thar was a lima.' 1 aas, and l
'"K " i
expect I eta-hed when I mentioned It.
when a certain domesticated little
Mary's lamb I rould name waa eome In
atructed himself in the line of perni
cious sprlKhtiinea. I never expected,
perrr. to see you reduced down from
a full-grown pestilence to such a friv
olous fra-thn of a man. Why." says 1.
'you've rt a necktie on: and you speak
a aenseless kind of Indoor drivel that
reminds me of a storekeeper or a lady.
Tou look to me like von rnlsrht tote an
umbrella snd wear suspenders, and go
honie of nlahts
"The little woman.' save Terry, "hsa
made some Improvements. I helleve.
Ton can't understand. Buck. I haven't
been away from the house at night
ainre we waa married."
-We talked on awhile, me and Ter
ry, and. as sure as I live, that man ln
termpteft inf. In the middle of my talk
to tell me about six tomato plants he
had growing In his garden. Flioved hla
agricultural depredation right tip un
der mv nose while I was telllna: him
about the fun we had tarring and
feathering that faro dealer at Califor
nia Tetc'a lavout: Hut by and by Ter
ry shows a flicker of sense.
" "Buck. says he. 'I'll have to admit
that it la a little dull at times. Not
that I'm not perfectly happv with the
Utile woman, but a man seems to re
quire some excitement now and then.
Now. Til tell you: Marianas gone
visiting this afternoon, and she won't
bo home till 7 o'clock. That'a the limit
for both of ua 7 o'clock. Neither of
us ever aiae out a 'minute after that
time unlesa we are together. Now. I'm
glad you came along. Buck." aays Per
ry, for I'm feeling Just like having one
more rlp-roarlng raaoo with you for
the sake of old tlmea. hat you say
to us putting in the afternoon having
fun I'd like It fine." saya Perry.
"I slapped that old captive . range
rider half across his little garden.
'" Hjet your hat, you old drled-up al
ligator. I shouts 'you ain't dead jreL
You're part human, anyhow, if you did
get all bogged up In matrimony. We'll
take thla town to pieces and see what
makes It tick. We'll make all ktnda of
profligate demands upon the science of
cork pulling. Tou 11 grow horns yet.
old muley cow. says TL punching Perry
In tha ribs. If you trot around on the
trail of vice with your t'nele Buck.
" T'U have to be home by seven, you
know. aays Perry again.
" Oh. yea." aays I. winking to myself.
for I knew the kind of 7 o'clock Perry
Rpuntree got bark by after he once
got to passing repartee with the bar
tenders.
"We goes down to the Oray Mule
saloon that old 'dobe building by the
depot.
" "Give It a name, saya I, aa soon aa
we got one hoof on the footrest.
ttarsapartlla. aays Perry.
"You could have knocked me down
with a lemon peeling.
" Tnault me aa much as you want to,'
I aays to Perry, "but don't startle tha
bartender. He may have heart disease.
Coma on. now; your tongue got twist
ed. The tail glasses. I orders, "and the
bottle In the left-hand corner of the
Ice-chest.'
" Daraaparllla. repeats Perry, and
then his eyes get animated, and I see
he's got some great scheme In his mind
he wan ts to emit.
"'Buck.' he saya all Intereated. T'll
tell you what! I want to make thla a
red-letter day. I've been keeping close
at home, and I want to turn myself a
loose. We'll have tha hlgbeat old time
you ever saw. We'll go In the bark
room here and play checkers till half-
past six.
I leaned against the bar, and I aays
to Ootch-eared Mike, who waa on
watch:
"'For God's sake don't mention thla
Tou know what Perry used to be. He's
had the fever, and the doctor aays we
must humor him.'
" Glve us the checkerboard and the
men. Mike.' says Perry. "Come on.
Buck. I'm Just wild to have some ex
citement. " T want In the back room with Per
ry. Before we closed the door. I aays
to Mike:
'Don't ever let It straggle out from
under your hat that you seen Buck
Caperton fraternal with aarsaparllla or
persona grata with a checkerboard, or
I'll make a swallow-fork In your other
ear.'
"I locked the door and me and Perry
played checker. To see that poor.
old. humiliated piece of household
bric-a-brac aittlng there and snigger
ing out loud whenever he Jumped a
man. and ail obnoxious with anima
tion when he got Into my king row
would have made a sheep dog sick
with mortification. Him that was once
satisfied, only when he was pegging
six boards st keno or glvjng the faro
dealera nervous prostration to see
him pushing them checkers about like
Bally Louisa at a school children's
party why. I waa all smothered up
with mortification.
'And I sits there playing the black
men. all sweating for fear somebody I
knew would find It out. And I thinks
to myself some about this marrying
business, and bow It seems to be the
same kind of a game as that Mrs. De
lilah played. Bha give her old man a
hair cut. and everybody knows what a
man's hoad looks liks after a woman
cuts his hair. And then when the
Pharisees came aronnd to guy him
he was so shamed he went to work
and kicked the whole house down on
top of the whole outfit. 'Them mar
ried men.' thinks X. 'lose ail their .
spirit and Instinct for riot and fool
ishness. They won't drink, they won't
buck the tiger, they won't even right.
What do they nnt to go and stay
married for?' I asks myself.
"But Perry aeema to be having
hilarltv In considerable quantities.
" 'Buck, old hoss,' aays he, 'isn't this
just the hell-roarlngest time we ever
had In our llres. I don't know wnen
I've been stirred up so. Tou see. I've
been sticking pretty close to home since
I married, and I haven't been on a spree
In a long time.
"'Spree!' yes. that's what he called
It. Playing checkers In the back room
of the Gray Mule! I suppose it did
seem to him a little more immoral and
nearer to a prolonged debauch than
atandlng over six tomato plants with
a sprinkling pot.
"Every little bit retry iooks ni
watch and saya:
"I got to be home, you know. Buck.
at 1.'
" 'All right. I saya 'Romp along ana
move. This here excitement's killing
me. If I don't reform some, and loosen
ud the strain of this checkered dissi
pation I won't have a nerve left."
"It might have been naii.pasi aix
when commotions began to go on out
alde In the atree.. We heard a yelling
and a aix-ahootertng. and a lot of gal
loping and maneuvers.
"""What's thatr I wonaers.
" 'Oh. eome nonsense outside.' says
Perry. 'It's your move. We Just got
time to play this game.
Til Just take a peep tnrougn tne
window." tays I. "and see. Tou can't
expect a mere mortal to stand the ex
citement of having a king Jumped and
listen to an unidentified conflict going
on at the same time."
"The Gray Mule saloon was one of
them old Spanish 'dobe buildings, and
the back room only bad two little win
dows a foot wide, with Iron bars In
era. I looked out one, snd I see the
cause of the rucus.
"There waa the Trimble gang 10 or
em the worst outfit of desperadoes
and horse thieves In Texas, coming up
the street shooting right and left. They
waa coming right straight for the Gray
Mule. Then they got past the range of
my sight, but we heard 'em ride up to
the front door, and then they aoaked
tha place full of lead. We heard the
big looking-glass behind the bar
knocked all to pieces and the bottles
crashing. We could see Gotch-eared
Mike In hla apron running acroas the
plaxa like a coyote, with the bullets
puffing up the dust all around him.
Then the gang went to work in the
saloon, drinking what they wanted and
amaahlng what they didn't.
'Me and Perry both knew that gang.
and they knew ua The year before
Perry married, him and me wa in the
same ranger company and we rougnt
that outfit down on the San Miguel,
and brought back Ben Trimble and two
othera for murder.
"Wa can't set out, he aays. 'We'll
have to star tn here till they leave.'
Perry looked at his watch.
" Twenty-five to seven," says he.
We can finish that game. I got two
men on yon. It's your move. Buck. I
got to be home at seven, you know."
'We sat down ana went on playing.
The Trimble gang had a roughhouse
for sure. They were getting good and
drunk. They'd drink awhile and hol-.
lcr awhile, and then they'd shoot up a I
few bottles and glasaes. Two or three
times they came and tried to open our
door. Then there was some more
shooting outside, and I looked out the
window again. Ham Gossett, the town
marshal, bad a posse In the houses and
stores across the street, and was try
ing to bag a Trimble or two through
the windows.
"I lost that game of checkers. I'm
free in saying that I lost three kings
that I might have saved If I had been
corrajed In a more peaceful pasture. But
Some Live Talks Witk Dead Ones
A FEW BRIEF MOMENTS WITH A THANKSGIVING VETERAN.
ELU" "aid the Official
Thanksgiving Proclamation in
tired tone of voice, "here I
am again, a trifle shopworn and moth
eaten around the edges perhaps, but
otherwise unchanged, and full .of the
same old platitudes and the same old
phrases that people have been hearing
ever since Presidents ran more to smooth
faces and less to embonpoint than they
do now." "
"But of coui-s you date back even fur
ther than the fathers of the Republic." I
said.
"Oh, yes. Indeed." sold the Proclama
tion, "much further. I'm what you
might call an original first settler. Ex
cept for the baked bean and the fried
cruller I think I am probably the oldest
and most enduring product of New Eng
land. "I date hack really to the, first settle
ment. I was there in the spirit on the
cay when the Ma flower arrived loaded
to the water's edge with antiquo furni
ture and ancestors. The trusty bark an
chored off the rock which haa since been
immortalized by having a breed of
chickens and one of Longfellow'a poems
named for it and tho Pilgrim Fathers
proceeded to kind ou -their stern and
rock-bound faces, aa tho poet says. They
were men with a quick eye for sizing up
things. They had to be tn their busi
ness. For years before they started
westward dodging the police force, bad
been tSeir principal outdoor exercise.
And as soon a tbey took a look at the
original Inhabitants and realized that
when It came to trading with a white
man an Indian ought to be Just the same
an mouey from home, they began to perk
up. And then they collected some fire
wood to have It handy in case anybody
should flush a witch, and picked out a
suitably sad season of the year to match
their own dispositions snd ordained a
day of Thanksgiving.
"Out of those trying early days grew
three of the things that have stuck long
est and hardest In the human breast. One
Is the New England conscience and one
Is 'the Nw England boiled dinner and I
ant the third.
The Puritans, according to my best
recollections, were the kind of people
that could be thankful over small things.
Vhev -re thankful for lowering skies
and bare woods and a sou that would
C0PYKlCH7:i3IO flV P I .HCLSOM
, . . - i - -
that driveling married man sat there and
cackled when ho won a place like an
unintelligent hen picking up a grain of
corn.
"When the same waa over. Perry gets
up and looks at his watch.
" Tv had a glorious time. Buck,' says
he, 'but I'll have to be going now. It's
a quarter to seven, and I got to be home
by seven, you know."
"I thought he was joking.
" They'll clear out or be dead drunk
In half an hour or an hour.' says I. 'You
produce more stone fences to the acre
than any on earth. They were thankful
for the right to worship in their own
way and for the power to keep any out
side sect from doing the same thing. If
a native red man shot a Pilgrim Father
throurh tho iea with an arrow he was
thankful that It wasn't his liver, and he
went forth in a spirit of thankfulness
for mercies thus far vouchsafed and
more to cojne, and- converted the whole
Indian settlement into the past tense. If
a roan-colored savage 16 hands high, with
black mane and a stone hatchet, knocked
at his door some Winter evening, he was
thankful If his hired girl and his aged
grandmother answered the knock. If he
couldn't find an old woman to burn for
witchcraft, he was thankful if he could
find a Quaker to hang, because Quakers
nearly always hung well,-whereaa unless
a witch were properly dry-seasoned the
assembled congregation was apt to be
bitterly disappointed and the children
would cry. He was thankful, and prop
erly so, for the discovery of pie for
breakfast, because It gave his Indigestion
such a start over the party who did not
tackle the mussy pumpkin or the mys
terious mince until eventide, and a whole
day's start like that was mighty valua
ble in the daily practice of a religion
that was largely founded on a dyspeptic
outlook upon life. And so being of this
generally thankful turn of mind, the Pil
grims arranged for an annual period of
Thanksgiving at a season of the year
when the birds are flown and the leaves
are fallen and It looks like rain when It
doesn't look like snow, and as a result
I've been playing a return date on the
last Thursday In November ever since.
Once a year they trot me out. closely
followed by the Thanksgiving turkey
Joke which is only a few years my Jun--lor,
and a few people go to church and
everybody else goes to the football game.
The Stock Exchange closes and the hot
Stew Brothers Warm Tom and Spiced
Jerry make their bow to the populace.
The oyster begins to look as if ho really
belongs In society Instead of wearing the
pale, apologetic air tbat he displays
through a warm Indian Summer. The
buckwheat cake begins to really fit into
the scheme of things human and the man
who has lust climbed Into his heavy
Winter underwear Is thankful that he
has two hojids to scratch himseir with,
and would be till more thankful If he
had six or eight- When a man with a
ain't that tired of being married that
vr.ii vAitt to commit anv more audden
suicide, are you?" says J. giving him the
laugh.
" 'One time." says Perry, 1 was half an
"hour late getting home. I met Mariana
on the street looking for me. If you
could have seen her. Buck but you don't
understand. She knows what a wild
kind of a snoozer I've been, and she's
afraid something will happen. I'll never
be late getting home again. I'll say good
bye to you, now, Buck."
"I got between him and the door.
sensitive cuticle puts on his furry red
flannels and starts into scratch the words
and music of the latest popular air on
himself, using no tools except those
which nature gave him, he quits believ
ing in furries perhaps, but he knows that
ThanksKlvine is at hand.
"So, as I said at the outset, here I
am back again and glad of It, too.'every-
thlne considered. Because when ypu
come to figure it out everyone ought to
have something to be thankiul lor.
whether he has or not. In years gone
by the workingman could sit down on
any day to a groaning board. Now if he
aits down to a board that groans be
cause there's so little on it, at least he
can have the memory of past Thanks
givings, before we reduced the. tariff
downward to a point where things to eat
can only be massed In any considerable
bulk by collectors of raro and expensive
curiosities. To be sure that sort of
thing is like the hk cough after the high
ballmore reminiscent than satisfying,
but still something to be thankful for.
Even young Manuel of Portugal has
something. He may have lost his crown
and his throne and several years of
growth aad he's had his share of moving
troubles this Fall, but he still has his
Gaby and as long as his bankroll holds
but to burn there's no reason why he
shouldn't enjoy himself just as much as
though he were playing angel to a whole
musical show.
"And speaking of royalty, there's our
own Miss Elkins. Miss Elkins can be
thankful either that she is or is not to
marry the Duke, depending on whether
she reads the authoritative confirmation
in the morning papers or the absolute
denial in the afternoon edition. And
even If Abruzzi does lose out, he too can
be thanltful, for having such a lovely
comedy name and one that has given
so much Joy and material to the news
paper paragraphers and others who have
been struck by its resemblance to the
pleasing sound made by the wind blow
ing through a set of chin whiskers.
"Our own President can be thankful
that having originally stocked up his
cabinet with awe inspiring legal lum
inaries who failed under the acid test
to loom with the lum'noslty expected
of those whose business It is to do
do looming at the loom, he Is nowgrad-
ually replacing them with a few hard
headed gentlemen who may be shy on I
luminosity, but are there like a duck
" "Married man." says L 1 know you
waa christened a fool the minute the
preacher tangled you up. but don't you
never sometimes think ono little think
on a human basis? There's ten of that
gang out In there, and they're plsen with
whisky and desire for murder. They'll
drink you up like a bottle of booze be
fore you get half way to the door. Be
intelligent, now, and use at least wildhog
sense. Sit down and wait till we have
some chance to get out without being
carried in baskets.
" T got to be home by seven. Buck,
repeats this henpecked thing of little
wisdom, like an unthinking poll parrot.
Mariana.' says he, ' '11 be looking out
for me.' And he reaches down and pulls
a leg out of the checker table. 'I'll go
through this Trimble outfit," says he.
'like a cottontail through a brush corral.
I'm not pestered any more with a de
sire to engage in rucuses, but I got to
be home by seven. You lock the door
after me. Buck. And don't you forget
I won three out of them five games. I'd
play longer, but Mariana '
"' 'Hush up, you old locoed road run
ner.' i Interrupts. 'Did you ever notice
your Uncle Buck locking doors against
trouble? I'm not married," says I, "but
I'm as big a d n fool as any Mormon.
One from four leaves three,' says I, and
I gathers out another leg of the table.
"We'll get home by seven," says I.
whether It's tho heavenly one or the
other. May I see you home?' says I,
"you sarsparilla-drinklng. checker-playing
glutton for death and destruction."
"We opened the door easy, and then
stampeded for the front. Part of the
gang was lined up at the bar; part of
'em was passing over the drinks, and two
or three was peeping out the door and
window taking shots at the Marshal's
crowd. The room was so full of smoke
we got halfway to the front door before
they noticed us. Then I heard Berry
Trimble's vice somewhere yell out:
"How'd that Buck Caperton get in
here?' and he skinned the side of my
neck with a bullet. I reckon he felt
bad over that miss, for Berry's the best
shot south of the Southern Pacific Rail
road. But tho emoke in tha saloon was
some too thick for good shooting.
"Me and Perry smashed over two of
the gang with our table legs, whleh
didn't miss like the guns did. and as we,
ran nut the door I fsrabbed a Wlncho)
ter from a fellow who was watching the
outside, and I turned and regulated the
account of Mr. Berry.
"Me and Perry got out and around the
corner all right. I never much expected
to get out, but I wasn't going to be In
timidated by that married man. Accord
ing to Terry's Idea, checkers was the
event of the day, but If I am any Judge
of gentle recreations that little table
legs' parade through the Gray Mule sa
loon deserved the head lines in the bill
of particulars.
' 'Walk fast.' soys Terry, 'it's two
minutes to seven, and I got to be home
by '
"Oh. shut up.' says I. 'I had an ap
pointment as chirf performer at an in
quest at eeven and I'm not kicking about
not keeping it."
"We had to pass by Perry's little
house. His Mariana was standing at
the gate. We got there at five minutes
past seven. She had on a blue wrapper,
and her hair was pulled back smooth
like little girls do when they want to
look grown-folksy. She didn't see ua till
we got close, for she was gazlnsr up
the other way. Then she backed around,
and saw Perry and a kind of a look
scooted around over her face danged
if I can describe it. I heard her breathe
long. Just like a cow when you turn her
calf In the lot, and she says: "You're
late. Perry."
' 'Five minutes." says Perry, cheer
ful. "Me and old Buck was having a
gams of checkers."
"Perry introduced me to Mariana,
and they ask me to come in. No sir-ee.
I d had enough truck with married folks
for that day. I says I'll be going along,
and that I've spent a very pleasant aft
ernoon with my old partnei? 'especially.'
says I, Just to jostle Perry, "during that
game when the table legs came all
loose.' But I'd promised him not to let
her know anything.
"I've been worrying over that business
ever since it happened," continued Buck.
"There's one thing about it that's got
me all twisted up, and I can't figure it
out."
"What was that?" I asked, as I rolled
and handed Buck the last cigarette.
" 'Wny, I'll tell you. When I saw the
look that little woman give Perry when
she turned round and saw him coming
back to the ranch safe why was ,lt I got
the idea all In a minute that that look
of hergwas worth more than the whole
caboodle of us sarsaparllla, checkers and
all, and that the d n fool In the game
wasn't named Perry Rountree at all?"
with the kind of sense that a horse has.
There may be some other things for
which our president can be thankful
but at this moment they escape my
mind. He Is responsible, in a measure,
for my reappearance on this occasion
and I am suitably grateful to him and
if I think of anything else between
now and 1912 that he ought to.be
. thankful for I'll take pleasure in call
ing It to your attention.
"Dr. Cook can be happy, wherever
he Is, because everything that hasn't
been discovered has been exposed, him
self included, thus affording opportuni
ties for the Blde-a-Wee school of ex
plorers to take a long and well-earned
rest. The same goes double for Broth
er Peary, and all others engaged in the
same line of business.
"If your candidate lost in the recent
election, you can be happy that you
are already over the disappointment,
becauses that Is the kind of a blow that
a fellow can always rally from prompt
ly, and if, on the other hand, your can
didate won, you can be thankful that
your feeling of disappointment Is go
ing to be spread out even and thin
over his whole term of office. If
you've never met your true soulmate
yet you can be thankful because the
prospect of having your love letters
read in court at a breacti of promise
suit is still In the remote future. If
you are living beyond your means you
can be consoled by the consolation that
everybody else Is doing the ame thing.
If you have been speculating In Wall
street you can take consolation In the
fact that you now belong to a family
which is being enriched by tne addition
of a new member, born every second.
If you're a tired business man you can
rejoice over the fact that the show de
vised especially for the tired business
man is going out of style, and if you're
not a tired business man you can be
thankful for that.
"And when on next Thursday even
ing you sit down to your Thanksgiving
dinner and partake of the cold storage
bird that should have been stuffed with
talcum powder and moth balls instead
of bread crumbs and eat of the cran
berry sauce that never knew the lov
ing touch of mother cranberry's hand
but was manufactured according to tho
favorite prescription of a talented
chemist and sample the old-fashioned
home-made plum pudding out of a can.
and finish off with a cut from a pie
that was printed by machinery on a
press, ana a cup oi ctubb mat
40 per cent more than any coffee erver
cost before, you will still, on the fol
lowing morning, have cause to glvs
thinks."
'Thanks for what?" I asked.
"Thanks for having lived through;
jt" said the Proclamation.