THE SUNDAY OREGONIA PORTLAND, OCTOBER 31, 1900. NL f AFAIf C SS. .SCHOOLBOY RYf-SW 3yitafvttfflA Toed (WAUACfi fRWftf ) f:) r. - n v -w. t7i - Toc - "To Etilor Oregonlan who must wish to see the North Pole, the Tariff & other disagreeable Fights scaled In 20 rounds. STEAMED Mr. S'.r: In Hotel Ft. Stifle, N. Y where Hon. Jas Jeffs famous punch, were residing In compartments after get-back from Europe, I go there will my Cousin Nogl for obtain slight interview. This are Tiry grand Hotel. Good taste, tatuary. waltX gilty picture-frames, pi'ji-h & bellboys everywhere . -Where are Hon. Jos Jeffs, please?" I require to Hon. Clerk. In royal bridal sweet, formerly ocou p'ed by Prince of Wales. Consul the Monk A other noble foreigners." report he with cross expression fashionable among Ho-V-l Clerks. "Wish see him, please." This from roe. Nearly everybody does," says Hon. Clerk. "What name. If any?" Tiashlmura Togo and Cousin Nogl. Japanese Jiu Jitsu fighters." I report de-e-ptlvely. g1v!r,g Nogl a nuj b should not speak truth. Hon; Cerk make Jerk to te.efone & "That you, Hon. Jeff? Yes. please! jp. Oniisln No id. Japa- res Jiu Jltsu g titers. Is here to show you how." "Snail be glad to try them nr largo Voice by teiefone. So tne & Nogl arrive up by elovator. (I am filled with happy banzai, but Noel enjoy slight nervousness of knees & el bows, like he wish go home. Hon. Bellboy show us to large bedroom ! which looked dellciouely historical hko Mrs. Mary Antonette got ner neau chopped there. Everything surrounded wid goldly furniture agreveted by pink plush- Portraits of Hon. A. Aug. Heinx. ! Hon. Napoleon. Hon. Bob Fits ana otner I great knockout was attached to walls. ' livkiences of wealth & un-reflnement found everywhere. On farthest end of this room In a raS jilferou gold bed. formerly belonging to j Queen Elisabeth of London, lay the Champion punch-fighter of the world. ! reading a piay to Hon. David Belasco, : -who sal reverently near. Hon. Jeffs were ! richly but simply dressed In green pajamas with diamond buttons. Although I bad never seen either Hon. iTtelaeoo or Hon. Jeff before. I could tell them apart by looking at them. Hon. Jeff was reading a play to Hon. Belasco. By soft & happy expression on faoe of that famous Pugger I was sure e must of wrote that Play himself. Pretty sooniy he finish Act S and say with .'voice: "Thas would be the greatest hit of my !fe." "Your life has been full of great Hit. y Hon. Dave. "Tet I am doubt.'ul about this Play. It have no Plot." -Ton could put this In for me," snug gest Hon. Jeff optimatlcally. "It have no good Characters In It," depose Hon. Belasco. "That could be fixed by hiring soma good actors." report that punch-man with smiles surrounding his fighting face. "But It are f-!l of wrong grammar & whote on both sides of the page." de . rar the llajiager-man. "Also It has a deliriously dull spot in It." "Cant that dull pot be erased by any brite stenographer?" require the Hon. Champeen calmly. "It could. If It wss smaller." say Hon. Pave with Aunty Trust expression, "but crrnn-n . -BT rRVIN 8. COPB. i'lVELI" "aid the Hotel Clerk, "I Vv " B,LrrU Kot hl dlTOC V without a struggle." "Not Mike Barry, him that's a fore man In ths Dock Department, I'm hoping." said the House Detective. "I know him well, an his wife, too, an' " "By no means," said the Hotel Clerk. "This Banrte doesn't work by the day; : h works by ths Job. He's th exclu ' slv owner of a divine afflatus as big s a war balloon." "A dlvlna- wot?" asked the House Ds teottve. "A divine afflatus," said ths Hotel Clerk. "'Tis something that every j great writer owns. It's the same to a poet as a pals of legs to a letter ! carrier. And Barrle's Is a peach. When , he takes It out of the garage and be gins to Inflate It, a stranger la the neighborhood would think there was a dirigible about to go up. You see, Barrle Is a genius by trade, which la another way of saying that his mar ' rlage didn't turn out right. It's a com I mon falling with geniuses. At dashing : off poetry for the masses they're lm mense. but their own little dreams of domestic bliss so often refuse to Jell properly. I guess maybe they're kept so busy providing romance for the trade '. that they forget to keep any in the house for home consumption. "But nevertheless and notwithstand ing, when Earrle filed his papers there ' was a great to-do In the English llu erarjv et of which he's one of the champion layers. He's an Englishman from Scotland, the same as Kitchener is an Englishman from Ireland and Will iam Waldorf Astor Is an Englishman from America, both nations concurring. England's full of that sort of English men. Well, when Barrle filed the pa pers, naming a young gentleman In the commercial line as the special staff co-respondent on the spot, all the other London literatusses were greatly ex cited. They got up a round robin, signed by nearly everv man who writes Eng lish plays for Charles PVohraan to pro duce In New York, calling on the pub lic press not to barrow up the feelings of a great artistio nature by printing anvthing about the distressful case." -Did they do It?" asked the House Detective. "Well, not In what you'd call a spon taneous manner." said the Hotel Clerk. 'To the alert editorial minds of the Brit ish press a request like that was a good deal like staking out a black-man ed Ni felan lion, 1 hands high, and then re questing Colonel Gwana TUmbo not to plug hlra. When Barrle went out to take the air there were so many enterprising pressmen trailing along trying to ask hi;n questions of a highly personal nature that he looked like a grand Jury. When he hurried back home and locked himself In. there were gentlemen Journalists sliding down the chimney and lady Journalists disguised as servant maids, applying at the back door for a Job, with good refer ences from Lord Northcllffe and Sir Al fred Plerson. They found special writers under the bed at night, and London cor- respondents- for American papers cuddled i up In the bureau drawers with the clean 1 ghirt of the distinguished plaintiff. In the taornltfi. S-rery day tMfor breakfast the cV3 - f cot Kcfcmice this la the largest -dull spot I ever seen. It begins with Act One and ouita only when the play does." "Could not such spots be removed wrth gasolene?" say Jeff. yes If you set fire to the gasolene, rake oat Dave. "Before this conversation." say Jeff with knock-out expression of mouth. "I had hopes to Quit the brutal tame of punch-flghtlng & obtain my money In some more light, ladylike way. But now this hope have went. If my play Is footless, hairless and covered with a dull spot, what would I do with It?" Slight weeps from him. "Cheer uply!" corrode Hon. Belask putting on his cane & hat. "Playwriters Is seldom discourldged. When thetr plays la bad they puts some songs Into It and sells It for a musical Comedy." Bo Hon. Belasco part off & leave ITon. Jeff wrapped In Thought and a silk blan ket. Pretty soonty he look round & see me and "ogi setting together lonesomely; on pink chairs. "So ba!" he exclam, "Tou are the Jap anese jiu Jiiu fighters! Would you like to fleht me now, or could you wait til) later?" We have leisure to wait," say Cousin Noel with pale ears. "Would you not draw some eolor-IInes at us?" I ask with thankful feelings be cause of my Oriental parents. "Ah, no."" reciprocate Jeff rolling up sleeves to elbows where muscles was wound all around It like peevish snakes. "I am careless about different shades of prise-fighters. Indians. Australians, su lus I am wining to pound them all to dumber If brought to me In sufficiently good condition. For money I am even willing to give knock-away punch to Chinese & Jnpaneee." I thank him for this chivalry to my race." ' "Have you evr met Japanese & Chi nese Champeens?" I otter. "Never yet," he enaccer. "But fre quently I have met fighters with yellow streaks." I make note of this phenomenal. Are you Intending to have a hitting match with Hon. Jon Jonson (colored) desplta his Nigger qualities?" This from me. "It Is all down In black & white." he pronounce. "Hon. Bums say "A man"s a man for h thatr " I report for smart quotation. "Burns!" Fay Hon. Jeff. "Ton mean Jim Burns that Canadian lemon what went to Australia for fight Jack John son? I wouldn't pay Mention to what he says. What have become of classic revernce tor bruise 4 slug, that folks should go around quoting Burns like they thought he wan a smart man? It was not thus In my Pay." "What was your-Day, please?" This from Nogl. "My Day," say Hon. JeT with dog fight expression of nose and teeth, "My Day waa when I slapped, an Oblivion Poultice on the lunch-box of Hon Boh Fits till Australia dipped the rag and the Spotted Kangaroo hopped to Slum berland and kicked the daisies while the bell tolled ten." I could not-swlmllate them words he 1 said It. It sound like poetry In some for eign language. "Maybe he Is speaking German." say Nogl with whispers. Hon. Jeff now arose up In his pajamas ft lifted up his elhtiws In attitude of a Plug wishing to do so. Me and Nogl got respectfully under a table. "It was like thusly," resume on that nn housemaid use to sweep a whole clutter of free-lances out of the areaway. One tall, slender reporter In a damp raincoat was discovered, leaning up against the hatrack In the front hall, with a bone handle clasped between his teeth, trying to pass for a wet umbrella. At least that's what I hear. "If Barrie had been the German war scare or a corner-stone laying by His Royal Highness the Prinoe of Walea, the English papers couldn't have been more generous than they were. They actually gave hlra the headlines that they were saving up for the next United States rail road disaster. "And when he came Into the court to get his decree, do you think for a moment that those mighty Archlmedian levers which move the world to indignation, sometimes, overlooked the bet? If you do, you're wrong.' No slr-ree. There wasn't a single one of the great English Jour nals but spread the hint that while the eminent man of letters declined to be in terviewed on so delicate a subject, still there were most excellent reasons for be lieving that at Jl not far distant date he would lead to the hymeneal register (Eng lish for our word altar, Larry) that same young gifted protege of his whose great dramatio powers were first recognized by the wayshe wore a pair of, pink pajamas In a musical show. And we are sure it is the wifcb of all our readers as well as all other loyal Britons hat they may be mar ried and live happil forever after, or for a few weeks, anyhow. For fuller parti o ulars of the lamentable proceedings be fore the Justice, see next page, second, third and fourth columns. Or words to that general effect." "Well, wot did them round-robin guys expect?' said the House Detective. "Ain't a noospaper got a right to print ail the facts about a dlbrce soot?" "It has," said the Hotel Clerk, "and It does. With the utmost pleasure. But the point I'm trying to make Is that the moth, er country Is not treating genius with he proper deference and respect any more. Now with us, praise heavens, it's differ ent. We give genius its proper due. whether It's expressed In writing an epJo poem or carrying a close election. "T would be an awful thing If we didn't give a genius any more consideration than we give to a man who believes In hair cuts. You go to almost any dinner party for true Bohemians or others op posed to working for their living these days, and you'll be apt to find there a dreamy-orbed party with an Elbert Hub bard necktie and his hair all down his back like one of the Sutherland sisters getting ready for bed. and probably he'll be bathing his noble brow In the salad dressing or doing a little Intensified agri culture on his finger nails with an oyster fork. But It wouldn't be right to say anything about it. If be was an ordinary guy. well and good give him the hook. But If he's a true genius who can write poetry that nobody, not even Richard Watson Glider can understand, or some thing of the sort, you want to overlook his little peculiarities, especially If you should happen to be the host; because, as I say, they're evidences of real genius and If you rebuffed him he'd go away and probably never again break bread and shed dandruff at your board. "If you're a bookmaker or a bookkeeper oy a porcn ollmDer or a winaow aroasor or MS rflnarx jpxj; IUc you nd E .Sfreff 3-V Hon. Jos. Jeff, Famous Punch, Is Interviewed in His Mrs, May Antoinette Apartments in the Hotel St. Stifle - great Jolter, "Round after round the Freckled Skeleton from the AntripodeB bad laid W mltters all over me. This were very Irritating." "I should hit a man for doing that." say Nogi with peev. "I tempt to do so: but I was up in the air." he aviate. "I could not land. I flew around in circles and whenever I such as go to make up the run of hu manity, you can't skip your baths or overlook changing your collar about once In so long or fail to patronize the barber or refuse to pay your bills without even tually getting seriously talked about. But with a genius it's different There're only three classes of grown men In this country that oan wear the long-flowing locks and get away with It One class Is composed of Colonel W. S. Buffalo Bill. And one class is composed of those fur-bearing patriots that swore they'd never cut It off until Bryan was sleeted President, and aa a result are going around tangled up In the underbrush, with every prospect of furnishing their own immtrrtelles when they die: and the third class is geniuses., and they're the biggest and most Important of all. We i Diffg-est maa most important ox an. w tliul4aaii. i asm m wm m threw a hook to that Prince of Black smiths. I found I was a mile over his head. I wait disgusted of myself." "Why should you be?"' I say for ad miration. "Hon. Wllburd Wright never done bo well." Hon. Jeff scrowel at me doggishly for Interference. Then he ' resum on. "Hon. Fits was a delusive old mammal. ties of genius when one of them takes to wearing his evening clothes In the morning ana no clothes at all' m the evening; or any little quaint personal pe culiarity like that For don't genius and Insanity walk hand In hand, as the scien tists say, and when they quit holding hands and go to the mat In a clinch. Isn't It nearly always Insanity that lands on top? "And that's why I have no sympathy with the persona who get marTied to geniuses and then bleat about It after wards. Look at what they thought they were getting. And look at what they do get! I'm speaking now of male geniuses, you understand. I never saw but two lady geniuses in my life, and from the looks of them I'd say that the r "- -w I j l .Val female kind la not greatly addicted to When I tried to bore a hole In him he sMd under my arm. Whenever I felt for him he wasn't there." "Where was he, please?" require Nogl. "He was slipping around the ring like a Eel on a hot griddle." "I should like to. .ee thla Hon. Fits. He nrUst be wonderful man, say me & Nogl 1n unicorn THE. T55.UE dENlUb AT .DINNER p the Statue of Liberty and had large oommon-sense feet like a Broadway oop, and she was a sculptress. The other one painted masterpieces and she wore those thick convex glasses that look like the bottoms of two whisky tumblers, and as well as I could Judg-e she was growing a brown vandyke. She already had a nloe mustache and some extra special fuss to start her. But with male geniuses It's different They seem to be great hands for marrying and giving in marriage. "The average girl has very decided Ideas of the man she thinks she's going to marry. When she's going on 18 and Is Just Beginning to put her hair up she figures it out that the only party who need apply must be a tall dark yed beivo svitli a-iiiddsn jpasVand great "After some time spent in this amuse ment." say Jeff, "I seen that this Fits man were enjoying great fatigues. His breath arrived In long pants. His right wing" was covered with bumps and his left lost it cunning way of hitting me In the eye. This were nice time for me!" "What you do then?" require Nogl bit tlvely. "Six times I punched his meal-ticket," he report. "How much a gentleman must know to be a puggUst!" says Nogl with respects. "Nothing arrived now but the finish," continue this giant Knocker. "I drove one delicious stem-wind into the center of his dagrcm. which caused the Pride of the Kangaroos to shrink up like a sponge. With a normus gawsp he col laDsed to door. Hon. Gong stroked one- two-three It were sad to see that Grandy Old Man of 1000 battles thusly fading into zero. How I wish 1 could neip mm m some way!" "Didn't you do nothing to help himT" I require. "Of sure I did!" snuggest Jeff. "I 6tretched him out with a Hushabye In the Jaw. He lay stilL It was all over but the banzai." "Was he dead?" I require hopefully. "He was not dead but sleepy," snug gest Hon. Jeff crolling back Into bed and filing his fingers daintlshly with a mani cure saw. "One more answer I should like to re quire," I derRnge as soonly as I could think what it was. "Do you regard punch-fighting to be a brutal thing for people?" "Too seldom It Is," report him. "Many pugelistick encounters is like golluf merely, gently stimulating exercises among two gentlemen what are either too old or too lazy fow hard work. Look at that recent meet between Hon. Jon Johnson (colored) and hon. Jack Drexel O'Brien of Philadelphia. What was it?" Me and Nogl are disabled to answer. "It were a pretty, harmless sight, like little school-girls of similar tastes' but opposite complexions playing 'Beans Por ridge Hot' on the village lawn. Nice old ladies might gaz at such pastimes for days & days, and never have a single nerve knocked ajar." "Do you regard feetball to be a more coarse & brutal game than prize-fight ing?" is next question for me. "There ain t no comparison! aio jen. "For years my brain has became so tuned to the higher & sweeter uses of prize fighting that my soul caiighs and flutters whenever I think of feetball. How can more or less educated College Boys be so rude to each other? "Only last November, Dr. Chas. W. Bitot of Harvard telephoned me wouldn't I please come & set with him and Senator Hale at the annual Tale-Harvard gamel But I answered backwards, "No, Charley, much as I admire you as a man and a sport. I can't be seen with you at a feet ball game. You're too boystrous on such occashions. Also my heart's weak and J'm afraid I might swoon off to see thera scenes of gore & carnage "I think Charley never forguv me for this. But what could I do? Dr. Eliot am only a private citizen: but when a fella gets mixed into Public Life like I am he can't be careless like he used to." "Will Hon. Eliot be present at your 4th-coming kunckle-hht with Hon. Jon Johnson (colored)?" "I askt him, but he refused," confass this hitting man. "Ain't It strange how narrow & prejudiced them Colledge Profs gets?" While he was thusly talking a' French sorrowful orbs and ebon curls floating athwart Mis marble grow, and he must know how to thrum a guitar dreamily and sing Spanish love songs to her, and If he can lean In a graceful attitude against a broken column and talk that Phillips Oppenhelm stuff, so much the better. But after awhile experience teaches her that the brow which Is marble In front Is mighty apt to be marble or some other hard substance all the way through, and with chuck steak up to 22 cents, Spanish love songs butter no parsnips. So the chances are she hooks up with a good, steady pro vider in the wholesale hay and feed line, who's wearing his figure at half mast and has two double chins In front ana one behind, and while this fleshy party hasn't any love songs In stock, he is there with a monthly cash bal ance, and that's very gratifying to con template during a hard Winter. Still, every now and then one of them mar ries a true genius who soars into the realmB of art and poesy, except three times a day when he comes down to eat. And pretty soon-he has a temperamen tal outburst and she has a black eye. Or maybe it's only an affinity that he has. But In either event she gets the shiner. Ogden Armour, Financier Continued From Pago Four, of the Armours at the close of his col lege lite. He began with thom in Kan sas City In a lowly position; step by step he made his way up to the treas urershlp of the company, and here, coming directly under the eye of J. Ogden Armour, got such an opportunity to make good as seldom comes to any man. He was installed as treasurer almost a perfunctorily as Mr. 'Harriman made se lection of some of his lieutenants. Mr. Armour showed him the treasurer's office. "I want you to sit at that desk," he said. Later on, when Mr. Armour announced to his treasurer that he was to be chosen a director of the Continental National Bank of Chicago "the Armour bank" Mr. Mo Robert's reply consisted of two words: "All right" Still later on, when Mr. Mo Roberts knew that he was picked to be "the Armour representative" In the Na tional City Bank of New York, he showed another side of his character when he traveled down to Missouri to talk over the proffered offer with his father. If ever a captain of Industry, or any other man, deserved the description of "Jolly good fellow" ' It's due this same Samuel McRoberts, as New York has been finding out sinoe he landed there. He Is full of laughter, anecdotes of famous men with whom he has been associated, genial, easy to meet and to know. Chicago says that he gets his recreation by telling and listening to good stories; New York is be ginning to believe it for, even though he has been there only a short time, a com mon question asked In the- city's clubs where its financiers and men of affairs congregate is, "Say, have you heard Mc Roberts' latest good oner Ql the lata H. ii, Saxrimaa Hr McRob valet, a German barber, a Swedish mas sage, a Irish trainer & J or 8 laborers arrive In door to tell Hon. Jeff he must get up Slight complaint from him. They approach nervously & pull him out of bed. "Is there" some impudent questions you Jap ladds wish enquire before I retire to next room to be scrubbed down by trainers & assistants?" he say It. "Eleuse. exhulted & high-up Pounder." I snuggle, "when you was In Paris, what you thought of them French puggle fighters you seen there?" "Them Frenchmans." report Hon. Jeff. "Is a curious species of 4-paw prizefighters. They wear their boxing gloves on their feet as well as their hands. This are a deliclously cunning habit. When American pugglists fights them Frenohers the results Is very confused. It are awiui puzzling to be pieKed in the nose Just as you ars beginning to get Sclentlf lck. "Would not ,thls French boxing b nice fight for. Americans to do?" I re quire. "Nix It would not!" olllouto Jeff. "There Is too much kicking among prizefighters already." Bo he retire Into next room where there are sound of splash, splatter, rubb & 'gronew of trainers being knocked around. Nogl say he got one more Question he should like to enquire, so we set lonesomely on pink chairs awaiting for Hon. Jeff to arrive out again. Preety soonly this grea Champeen approach back. He are now all bril liantly tired out In a frockaway coat, silk-pipe hat. egg-colored gloves, pink vest & all sorts of sox & necktie to match. "Well, farehye, Jap boys." he explodes, squeezing our hands off with kindness, "I must depart off for lunch with Gov. Hughes & make slight lectures by T. M. C. A. Any breef question you wish ask beforehands?" "Please, If convenient," say Nogl stepping forwards, "would ' you Illus trate to me, as kindly as possible, what stroke you Intend t deliver to Hon. Jon Jonson (colored) to stop him doing "Of sure I will," say Hon. Jeff smlre fully. "Stand slightly bark, please. Now throw up both elbows like a angry crab' "Will It make me hurt?" requtr Nog! standing In this positions. "It are nearly always painless," com mute Jeff. "Now get ready to ses whatl" Of suddenly Hon. Jeff give poor Nogl slight shove to rib. It do not seem a harsh or strong stroke, yet It send my Cousin skating to corner on the back of his brains. Hon. Jeff depart off with comlck expression of one who sees Jokes. I rosh to comer where poor Nogl is laying. Ills face is so full of happy trance I hate to wake him. But I roust. ( g0 j fan h)j wrlBtB atl(j hoge bj, eyes with water. Pretty soonly he set up with duzzied expression. - "How you feel?" I Require. r "My health Is well, but my mind l full of comets." he report So I took him home In handsfiijSe cab feeling too grogged & buzzy to 'have no sensible opinion about nothing. Hoping you are the same Tours truly HASHIMTJRA TOGO. (Copyright, 1909, by the Associated Literary Press.) "If a plain bricklayer gets frlsjd up and goes home and tenders his lady wife a ohaste greeting by feinting with the left and then crossing the right to the point of the Jaw, somebody in the next flat runs out for the cops, and the next morning the Judge tells him he's a brutal beast and he gets SO days on the Island to teach him that when a party gets oorned like a brisket he mustn't try to double as the live steers also. But 'if a genius hands his life's companion a brisk casual wallop or two, and she makes a roar, everybody says It serves her right for not keeping her soul attuned to the deeper cravings of his nature. She should have a higher, nobler conception of the sphere In which a genius moves, than to go gurg ling for help out of the front window any minute he feels a mood coming over him and wants to choke her a few minutes. Hasn't she got a genius, one of the elect of nature, to live with, and shouldn't . that be enough to satisfy any woman? Thank goodness the rest of us know how to appreciate geniuses In this oountry, even if their wives don't." "Wot do geniuses want with wives anyway?" asked the House Deteotlve. ' "Many of them have.no other visible means of support," said the Hotel Clerk. erts was an ardent admirer, he havliKT splendid chances to study the man when ever they two and Mr. Armour met to talk over the Chicago freight tunnel project When a friend of the writer asked Mr. McRoberts to give his estimate of Mr. Harriman, the summing up was in one short sentence: 'The most useful man that has ever lived." It is said by some of those who are close to the Armour plans that, as vice-president of the National City Bank, Mr. Mo Roberts will take- a prominent part In directing the Armour financial operations In the Argentine Republic, where ulti mately the Armour investments will in volve hundreds of millions of dollars, that the Armour packing-houses of our great Middle West may be kept In beef. (Copyright 10O9. by E. J. Edwards.) Turning of the Worm, It used to be not long ago That men would tell their wives. "I've got to go to lodge tonight When eight o'clock arrives." "All right, my dear, but hurry home." The trusting dear would say, And like as not the husband came About the break of day. Times brings a change In everything No longer hubbies dodge The truth, and make a night of It By deftly pleading "lodge," For wifey, too, has gotten wise And she no longer frets. She also has a lodge or two Thanks to the suffragettes. St. Louis Star. EnjclUh was spoken by 22,000.000 people at the beginning of the 10th century. How, mjjr, than 100,000.000, setups assaJs, i