The Sunday Oregonian., April 18, 1909, SECTION SIX, Page 6, Image 64

TITE SUNDAY OREGOMAy, PORTLAND. APRIL 18, 1909.
a 3m
TO-WIE EDITOR who are joined oa to' me with many Noble
Sentiments,
, Dearest Sir: In all American newspapers of recently
did you perchance to notice following modest telegram ehyly
tucked away in some offside page near real-estate news?
'"New York, March 23: Among the 1st Cabin passengers
departing off on the German-speaking steamboat 'Hamburg were
two quiet strangers who registered as 'Kermit Roosevelt & father
They drove up in a closed cab and entered the shlpnolselessly
through a side door. Nobody was on the wharf to give them a
friendly shoot-otf. Nobody on board noticed they was there,
except the deck-steward who locked them into their stateroom
and collected a tip through the transom. Some drunken sailor
started an insignificant rumor that the eldest of the pair (who
was completely disguised by hunting spectacles and a San Juan
hat) was T. Roosevelt of Oyster Bay, probably still remembered
by some as having been a popular resident of Washington a few
seasons ago. Our Boy Reporter who was busy interviewing Hon.
Oscar Hammerstein until the ship sailed (see entire front page,
this issue), learned, before departure, that the mysterious pas
senger was Mr.'Koosevelt.
"Mr. Roosevelt and Master Roosevelt will remain in Africa
some months visiting friends."
If you did not see this item of news, Mr. Editor, do not worry
about it. Because it wasn't there.
Little Annie Anazuma, -9-year-age, daughter of I. Anazuma,
Japanese barber, come to me with sweet questioning of feeble
minded childhood.
, "Uncle Togo," she say it, "at what date did Hon. Roosevelt
cease for to be King of America?"
"Childish thinker," I report back, "I should be very thanks
giving if I knew. Date of Hon. Roosevelt's retirement have been
postponed so oft that I am helpless to guess further."
"He were supposed to be discontinued on March 4," ollicute
Little Annie.
"Yes, and what?" I dib for scorns. "When March 4 arrive
Hon. Roosevelt, acting like a Private Citizen, were more exciting
to look at than the entire official Ceremoney. Sweet Sabbath
calm of Inauguration Day were seriously disturbed by sounds of
moving-vans, guides, artillery regimets, Kermit, tennis clubs and
jungle groceries rumbling off in direction of Sagamore Hill. Did
Hon. Taft make a grandy oratory on that solum, day? Perbaps
so he did. But I scarcely noticed it, because I was too excited
watching Hon. Roosevelt retiring modestly from his position of
prominence. And it was one of the finest Climaxes he ever done."
"Did not Hon. Roosevelt's official career close up when he
arrived at Sagamore Hill?" revoked Little Annie.
" "Cloee up!" I otter. "It just began to open out! No sooner'
had he removed his coatsleeves to attack Hon. Woodpile with ax
than Magazine Editors began sprouting forth from behind every
Fa ga more tree. He could not give back-swing to that trustful
chopper for' fear he might cut off some star reporter in the
renter of his .brilliant career. So what could he do but make a.
farewell speech? He did. Soonly next come dear Oyster ay
neighbors including 8 postmasters and determined mother of 11
twins. Farewell speech for these. But hark-it! Whenceforth
comes that distant sound of brass music? Ah, look see! Ap-
BY W4$H!tfQ5tA TOOCT ( WAUL ACE IRWlNr))
LONESOME AMERICA
proaching nearby German-American patriots are there with sou
venir Dresden china dinner-set, loving tribute which must be
carried to Africa with other hand-baggage. Farewell speech for
these also. 'I, too, am a German extract. At lastly arrive day
of silent sorrow so eagerly looked forward to by Kermit. He
must escape away. 1 -
"On day of Great Departure Hon. Roosevelt arise up early
& Kermit do likesome. Brief farewell speech to family. Tele
grams from Emperor Wm, Wright Bros. Seth Bullock by Rev.
Lime Abbot. Farewell telegrams in reply. Toot-whistle from
Oyster Bay train. Hastily tossing on 2 pairs of khaki riding
leggings & clasping Kermit firmly by the hand, the Conaueror
of Africa eloped to the station, accompanied by the Oyster Bav
Brass Band mounted on bisickles. Short farewell speech while
running for back platform. On trLp to New York Hon. Roosevelt
shake hands with 400 passengers, 8 conductors, 19 brakemen, "3
firemen, 2 engineers & 6 Hon. Hoboes found hiding under train.
"At arrival of African Express to New York entire population
of that great foreign city was ammassed together enjoying a
riot. After distinguished traveller give brief speech of farewell
at this place he were allowed to proceed quietly to steamboat
landing. Following were line of march:
1 N. Y. Police Force in ottomobiles.
2 International Photographers Union on foot and walking back
ward to get a better focus. "
3 Jack Binns Brotherhood American Marine Telegraphers look
ing prepared for anything.
4 Rapid Writing Literary Scouts carrying type-writers and
mounted on fast motorcycles.
5 Roosevelt Hunting Party, including Kermit with mandolin.
6 Wagon-load ammunition labeled "Mombasa."
7 Jungle groceries.
8 Symbolic float entitled "Welcome," showing Mayor McClellan,
supported by Hon. Charley Murphy & Hon. Thos. F. Ryan
offering the Keys of the City to a Perfectly Tame Tiger.
9 Hon. Pat McCarren on foot.
10 Music. -
11 German-American Glad-Hand Society with flags.
12 Italian-American Black-Hand Society with bombs.
13 Cheers.
"In this formation the great African Expedition proceed as
far as the wilds of Hoboken where each inhabitant of New Jersey
is given a hearty handshake and 48.000 post-cards is here signed
by Kermit with a rubber stamp. More farewell speeches. Gold
mounted hot-water bottle presented by Pittsburg delegation.
Whistles, riots, college-yells and Afro-American (colored) ladies'
quartette singing with voice 'Who's afraid to go Home after
Darkies?'
"Finally gang-plank are snatched up & Hon. 'Hamburg com
mence to start. Farewell address from Captain's bridge and
tnat great poat, somewhat listed to port from heavy cargo
of
newspaper talent, slide away in direction of Africa followed by
the greatest naval parade in the history of navigation. For 2 4
hours the sea is black with steam-tugs, gas-yachts, battle-ships,
racing-shells & motor-boats. Procession grow mora thinner as
time goes on; and by the middle of the third day scarce a news
paper tng can be distinguished following faintly in the offing."
Little Annie Anazuma enjoy this news with sad depression
of ears.
"Alast!" she sigh with blue brain, "America are now Alone
with the Trusts!" -
Mr. Editor, kindly see what my schoolfrend, Bunkio Saguchi,
done to literature! He wrote following fancifled sketch, which
would be nice to print in some newspaper which are reckless
about Truth:
LEAVES FROM THE LOG-BOOK OF A BOY TRAVELLER.
Fourth Day Out: My Hon. Pa have very nearly exhausted
the possibilities of this here Ship. Slightly warmed up by 37-mile
promenade this morning, he done 8-round prizefight exercises
with Hon. Chief Engineer who receive slumber-punch. Hon. Pa
next give lecture on Navigation to members of the crew. After
wards he wrote 17 book-reviews & was made Fellow Royal
Geographical Society by English-speaking wireless from London.
He are now below shaking hands with the stokers.
Fifth Day Out: Rough riding this morning. When I re
quire of Hon. Pa, "How you like it?" he-say "Dee-licious!" But
he didn't smile when he said it. Hon. Pa do not feel quite himself
today so he are going to He down and write an editorial for tha
Outlook.
Sixth Day Out At a very premature hour thisA.I. there
came a C. Q. D. wireless from Rev. Lime Abbot. "What shall we do
with the Panama Canal?" he ask-it. Hon. Pa wlrelessly telegraf
back. "Let it stay in Panama." Quite prior to Breakfast Hon.
Steward approach to Hon. Pa & announce, "Hdn. Tub are now
ready." "Tubs is made for Mollycuddles," reject Pa; so he jump
over the side into Hon. . Ocean for a .slight, refreshing splash.
Hon. Pa are learning Italian so he can do some graceful
Remarks when he refuse the Presidency of the University of
Naples. . ,
Seventh Day Out: One educated Zulu Boy show me one Great
Invention he want to sell Hon. Pa. It are called the Adventure
scope. It are a combination field-glass, gatling-gun, type-writer
& cash-register. It are a very sweet machinery! Following is
how-so work it:
Hon. Field-Glass look around till it see a Big Game, then a
trigger become automatically released-off, which make Hon. Gatling-gun
shoot up the Animal, at the same instantaneous' time
setting in action Hon. Type-writer which In Magazine-language
& Simplified Spelling, tell all about that goary deed, including
dying grone of Wild Beast, natural scenery; & everything what
happen when Hon. Shot were fired. And.whllall this go on Hon.
prx-r
a
Cash Register, by its own Intelligence, keep tack on how much
that Article is worth at rate of $1 per word!
Hon. Pa he-say, "I no care for this Invention. It are more
pleasant to do it by hand."
Eighth Day Out: To-day I hear 2 German Passengers in
shade of smoke-funnel discussing War. First German he-say,
"America no can go to War with Japan this year." "Why-so
not-so?" require Other German. "Because-so." reject he. "Hon.
Roosevelt have took away all the Bullets with him."
Hon. Russian Prof, aboard ask Hon. Pa to hear some Phono
graf records full of monkey-talk he just brung from jungle.
""Thank you not!" say Hon. Pa, "I hear enough Monkey Talk
in Washington last year."
Ninth Day Out: Wireless telegraf from Rev. Lime Abbot:
"Why do Giraffes continue so long at neck?" Reply by Hon.
Pa, "Because they lives in Rubber Forests."
(I ask to know: Will them Telegrams be charged up to
expenses?)
Naples: Hon. Pa "addressed a huj auduence (including King
of Italy, Duke de Bruzzi & Caruso family) on "Wildy Animal3
of Africa." He make this speech in Italian and them Italians
was crazed by enthusiasm. But why did they always applaud
in the wrong place?
After this lecture one Italian nobleman sent up Question on
a card, "Is it proper to eat Antelope with a spoon?" Hon. Pa
reply short-off, "Scarcely yet! You are probably thinking of
Canteloupes." ' -
Hon. Pa enjoyed short talk with Hon. King. When Hon.
Pa say he admire Elephants, Hon. King say he object to them
because of DIshagreable Odor. Hon. King explain to Hon. Pa
that he must wash hands with boracks & gasolene after skinning
each Elephant. Hon. Pa say-so he will put that knowledge in
Note Book but he deceptively neglect to do 6o.
Mr. Editor, a queery feeling of clam comes creeping ore me
when I think of Hon. Roosevelt such miles away in darky Africa.
What if something should happen to America while he is gone?
I am aware that this ara a fooly thought, for America are run
ning very oily, thank you. Tact & Taft are everywhere visible.
Hon." Von L. Meyer can take good care of the Navy for have
he not had experience in the Post-Office Department? Wall
street are jumping up, Business are feeling more jolly. In
Senate Hon. Serene O'Pain havechloroformed Hon. Tariff & are
attempting to give him a shave. In the House Hon. Jo-Uncle
Cannon are forgiving his enemies the same way he always done.
They why this disturbed feeling of thorax which come to Japa
nese Schoolboy to think Hon. Roosevelt bo far off? "
Cousin Nogi say, "Maybe-so, you are fearful that Hon. Roose
velt have carelusly went off & took th'e Government of the U. S.
with-hlm."
"Perhapsly so it are," I renlg for lonesome teardrop.
"Neglect to worry, then." say Nogi. "Because anything what
goes with the Roosevelt Expedition are not going to be lost sight
of very long."
Hoping you are included in this,
Yours truly,
HASHIMTJRA TOGO.
(Copyright. 1909. by P. F. Collier & Son.)
TOIL
BT 'IRYIN S. COBB. J
itff Ot d'ye think about this new I
?if "Ta;v,fl?" asked the House De- j
tectlve . of the St. . Reckless.
"Werj. in my opinion, yea and no," said
the Hotel Clerk.
That don't mean nothln', ' said the
House Detective.
"It's the only proper answer I can give
you, after spending several hours In study
of that immortal document," said the
Hotel Clerk. ' Alongside of Mr. Sereno
K. Payne's crowning life work. Jig Saws
become almost easy, while studying out
a condensed time table ia mere child's
play. Tou ought to get a copy from the
Government printer and take It borne and
read it Instead of wasting your evenings
on pinochle and talking to your family.
There'B' only 234 closely-pritned pages of
It. and It'll grip your attention as no
Pronouncing Glossary could. Besides,
every hour or so you'll come to something
that you can almost understand what it's
driving at -As a popular writer who can
hold the readers' interest, I consider Mr.
Payne has no equal in this country, now
that the author of "Two Thousand Greek
Roots and Their Derivations' has passed
on."
"Well, I know this much," said the
House Detective. "The poor man will
keep right on gettin' the worst of It, same
as he always has."
"The point la still open to argument In
my mind." said the Hotel Clerk. "I've
been thinking for quite a spell that we
had the poor man skinned down so close
in this country that the only way to take
anything more away from him was with a
mrgtcal operation. His teeth are about
all he"s got left, and If chuck steak and
baker's bread go up a little higher he
won't be needing them much longer. If
the statesmen who framed up our new
tariff bill for us could figure' out any
feasible plan for lancing the worklngman
in a fresh place, my hat's off to 'em. It
shows they're close observers, anyhow.
"What if the tax on stockings and tea
and spool cottton and soma nther
like that is going to be Jaoked up a few
notches. The ad valorem per centum On
chromium metal and ferromanganese is
no higher, if as high. I saw It myself
In paragraph S7M f the Payne bill,
schedule XJ. And, listen here, not only
chromium metal nnrt f.-.mo.
-w. . ......iujita
but also farromolybdenum, tantalum and
wolffram.- They're all to be put within
the -reach of .the humblest rmmimor
"It may be that the children will" go
u.iijai, .wpKings. But weren't they
bornl barefooted? That Mr Co..
great lone for. showing us how to get
backJto " nature. The Missis will find
oambria tea an agreeable substitute, no
uoudw, ior me uoiong she's- been accus
tomed to drliiklne. nrovldlnr rr
nobobdy sneaks across a ..i.i. '
the-tariff on cambric When we've quit
using spool cotton, somebody will show
us now to sew up a shirt with liquid
glue.
"And SO. with ferromn
so low that any housekeenev en,, lav in
their entire Winter's supply at only 15
per centum ad valorem, whatever that
is. I can't understand, why anybody
should complain. And then look at- the
ferromolybdonum and the ferrotltanlum
both flown where you can have plenty
of them, about the house at all times.
Keep em in the bread box it'll be
cmptyr line as not.
"Wot Is .thin. FeYry Molly Bendura any.
, wav?" asked -the H6us rwter-Hxr
".Don't show your Ignorance if, you
want to discuss the tariff with me," i
said the Hotel Clerk. "I'll tell you I
what It's like. It s something like the
rhododendron, only the color varies in
some cases, and something like the
minimum, except larger. Now, the next
time anybody should ask you about It
you'll know, won't you? And don't in
terrupt. I -was about to say that, no
matter what else happens, our Vested
Interests are going to be well protected
and that's a great consolation, or should
be. Why should I worry about the con
dition of the guy who has no undershirt
when I reflect that the "Vested Interests
can all have fancy vests If they want
'em instead of struggling along with
those plain white pique ones?"
"If the Dlmmycrata wuz In office it
wouldn't be that way." ventured the
House Detective.
"I don't know," said the Hotel Clerk.
"From where I sit In the peanut gal
lery It looks to me as if nearly every
Democratic member, while willing and
anxious to hew down the tariff on arti
cles produced in the enemy's country,
has a few trifling little industries in
his own district that must have protec
tion or else he'll bust away from -the
reservation with his warpaint on and
be a dog-soldier. And the Republicans
feel the same way in regard to certain
things that are produced in sections
where the people don't know any bet
ter than to vote for Bryan about once
in so often. Both sides seem to con
cede that the tariff's a local issue and
should be treated by local application,
only each side wants to pick out the
localities. The trouble seems to be
that all the infant industries that we
used to hear so much about when
James G. Blaine was alive have grown
up and raised large, hungry families,
and now have relatives scattered all
over the country."
"The rich keep gittln richer and the
poor keep gittln' poorer," bemoaned the
pessimistic House Detective. "I won
der where it'll end?"
"Don't worry too hard." said the Ho
tel Clerk. "I figure It'll be some little
time before the population at large
will be asking the streetcar conductors
to transfer 'em to the line that runs by
the county poorhouse. What saves the
likes of us, Larry, is that when a man
gets together a big chunk of money
that he's taken away from the common
herd, somebody else nearly always
comes along and -takes it away from
him, and pretty soon it's back in clr
culatlon again with everybody taking
his peck at it.
"I remember there used to be such a
case in the town where I was raised,
He waa the president of the bank and
he ran the establishment on the same
lines that govern some of those old
Blue Law towns up in New England,
where being a stranger is punishable
by either fine or imprisonment, or both.
He bad the first dollar he'd ever seen.
It was no doubt all oxydlzed and rusty
from being clutched so long in the
same hand, but he still had it. He also
had the largest house in town. It was
one of those big, ugly, square ones with
fluted columns. The local architect
who built It for him called it late Ital
ian renaissance, but now I know that
It was really early North-German-Lloyd.
Hia front gate waa all marked
up with the hobo's warning, put there
by Fringed Finnigans to tell their
brethren that anybody who asked for a
cold bite at that house would certainly
get it unless he could outrun the dog.
FROXE.K DjOO ft
3)
"It wasn't such a big town. Trains ran
there, but not often. We were a simple,
pastoral people, given to such amuse
ment's as strawberry festivals on the
Baptist Church lawn, in Summer and
wand drills by the Girls' High School
class at the Opera House in the Winter.
I remember the pronounced sensation
when the first stock collar was' seen In
our community, it being worn by a son
of a leading family who'd just come home
after taking one whole term in a college
of pharmacy and .was considered the last
word in male fashions for upwards of two
years afterward. And so, naturally, we
regarded ' our own little local J. Plerp
Mazuma with awe. Because he could out
figure everybody else In town, we calcu
lated that he'd eventually broaden out
and own all the money In the world.
But he didn't, Larry. They rarely do.
One morning the bank forgot to open. It
developed afterwards that the worthy
president had fallen in love with the lit
erary style of a gent In the city who
knew how to write mine advertisements
OME.Y FOR- A RALE
M'NUMQ CERTIFICATES
so attractively that you could read 'em
and actually see the gold clinging to the
miners' front teeth as they came out of
the shaft or an evening. So he took all
the available assets and the surplus and
came up to New York, where every day
Is Tag Day for the stranger with coin on
hia person. I don't need to tell you the
rest, Larry. He swapped considerable
real money for a bale of mining stock
certificates, beautifully printed, on paper
that was subsequently found to be ad
mirably adapted for use on pantry shelves
and under the matting in the front hall,
but that had no other real, marketable
value.
"And that's the way with a good many
' them. Larrv. who ti-v tn f rrrti 1 If oil
The philanthropic linanceers who own
trusts and thinirs and want'tv, t.-ipr
histed up on everything an ordinary man
1 1 ecu a win mostly gel theirs If we wait
of
They'll overreach and fait
long enough,
in it." .
"Then you don't believe wot they say
'bout only wantin' fair protection for
their products?" asked the House De
tective. "I only wish I owned as good a bank
as some of them would break Into," said
the Hotel Clerk.
One Woman's Study of Chickens
4"T"WELVE years ago I began
. worxing on a Western poultry
ranch, and even if I hadn't
liked the business I would have been
compelled to learn from my experi
ence there." The speaker was the wife
of the owner of one of the largest
poultry farms In Utah. "We have tried
most of the different breeds of chick
ens, and of course now have a preference.
'Among people who raise poultry for
profit the various breeds are divided
into two classes, the utility breeds and
the fancy breeds; and the utility breeds
are again divided into three classes ac
cording to their weight light, medium
and heavy. ' On our ranch we raise
only the first two classes of the utili
ties, the light and medium.
"Of the light utilities we have settled
on the White Leghorn. Our experience
with several varieties proved to our
satisfaction not only that they produce
a good supply of eggs, which fetch
the best price in the general market,
but also that they are excellent forag
ers and need little feeding. When rais
ing poultry for profit both points are
worm considering.
At the same time I must say that
they are nervous and make poor set
ters ana motners. Because of their
nervousness they do not do well In
confinement and will soon droop, los
ing Dotn spirits and flesh if kept in
close quarters. While good broilers.
as market fowls weighing above two
pounds they are not desirable.
"The Plymouth Rock has proved the
most satisfactory in the medium
weight class, though we still have
some Wyandottes and Rhode Island
Reds. The Plymouth Rock lavs well
in Winter, but Its brown eggs do not
onng as good prices as the white eggs.
The young fowls do not mature as
early as the Leghorn, but they make
as goon oroiiers and the beat quality
roasters and capons.'
"While we keep only pure bred fowls
my experience is that breed is not as
Important as handling. To teorle rais
ing chickens for profit the first point
is to give tneni a house that Is roomv
clean, dry and free from draughts. The
interior snouid always be well lighted.
Have the walls as smooth as possible,
so that they may be easily white
washed. The floor should be dry and
we prefer loam, gravel or cinders rath
er than boards or cement. It should
be well covered with a deep litter of
straw or some such material.
As a means of avoiding crowding
we nave round placing the . roosts all
on the same level most satisfactory.
n.rao roosts snouia De movable, so
they may be painted, or disinfected
conveniently. Under the roosts, about
a foot and a half, we place a light
board platform, which Is cleaned every
week and disinfected twice a year with
a 2 per cent solution of carbolic acid.
The nests, under the platform, face
away from the light.
"As essential as a comfortable house
is the proper food. The first feed is
put out .for them the last thing at
night. This consists of grain scat
tered In the litter on the floor of the
house after the birds have gone to
roost, and it gives them something
to eat as soon as they come down in
the morning, and being scattered in -the
litter they have to work for it.
"At midday they receive a second feed
vl (rrmn ana in vne early arternoon a
mash composed of skimmed milk, ground
grain and lucerne leaves or other green
food. During the months when green
food is abundant this ingredient of the
masn is omitted. We also keeD them
supplied with sugar beets and some meat
iooa, essential for laying fowls.
ur course a quantity of clean grit is
always kept before the fowls. Just as
we are careful to keep a sufficient quan
tity or. clean rresh water. Where birds
have a free run little meat or animal food
ia necessary In Summer, as thev will
supply themselves by catching insects.
out in me winter they require meat.
Aoout the most practical way to breed
up a flock la to watch the birds that
seem to make the best growth and start
laying earliest. That is a side of the
business which fell to my lot and has
given me a great deal of pleasure. I
make notes in a little blank book which
for want of another name I have called
my breeding record. To distinguish the
birds I mark them with leg bands of
various colors. If a hen proves up to
or above the standard in laying I sep
arate her from the flock in the second
year. In this way we have bred our
flock up and increased the harvest of
eggs and also the weight of the fowls.
"ISggs should always be marketed as
soon as possible and never after they
are two weeks old. To secure the best
prices they should be graded according t.
siise and color and all cracked and dirty
eggs discarded. Where such trade is
possible It pays better to cater to pri
vate customers, such as hotels, restau
rants, dining-car lines and clubs than to
put your eggs on the general market.
"When shipping our dressed fowls we
market our young cockerels and spare
pullets as soon as they can be put in
a suitable condition. To do thia we keep
them well fed and growing until they
weigh between three and four pounds:
then we put them in the fattening pen.
where they receive twice a day all they
can eat of a mixture of ground grain
and skimmed milk for ten day8 or two
weeks.
"Unless a hen is a very valuable breed -in?
fowl It doea not pay to-keep her aftvr
she is two years old. They should hi
marketed Just before their second moult
ing. Both young and old fowls shouli
be unfed for 14 hours before killing Drv
picked fowls bring a slightly higher price
in the open market.
"Before inventing In poultry for the
purpose of raising them for profit I wonl.l
strongly advise a study of the market
where they are to be sold'. Before buv
lng It should be definitely decided whether
you are to breed for eggs or flesh, or a
combination of both. 1 would also ad
vise selecting a single color variety, as it
la easier to breed them true under ordi
nary farm conditions.
"The white or buff fowl sells better in
the general market, as the pin feathers do
not show so much on the dressed fowl,
and this gives it the neater appcarano-.
Whatever breed is chevsen. don't be chanc
ing or mixing it every year or two. My
experience haa proved that a breed that
may. not do so well the first year of tea
glvea most desirable results later."
j