5
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND. FEBRUARY 21, 1909.
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HAD to lick my boy, Marty, to
day." said the House Detective of
" the 9t. Reckless.
What's Marty been doing now?" asked
the Hotel Clerk.
Readin" them foolish nickel libraries."
aid the House Detective. "'I ketched
him with one called 'Young Kit Badger,
the Boy Trapper.' If lie wants to read
somethin' about Young Kid Broad, the
Pay Scrapper, that'll improve hie mind
and learn him somethln about usin' hia
hooks, all well and Rood. But not them
Wild and Wooly West stories for a son
of mine. Next thine he'll be wantin' to
run away t Kansas City and shoot buf
faloes. "
"Tell him not to do it." said the Hotel
Clerk. "A friend of mine that sells neck
wear on the road Just got back yesterday
from his first triD to the coast and he
was In here last night nursing a bunch of
disillusionment the size of a baby grand.
He said the only man he saw wearing
long hair and leather pants with chenille
fringes on 'em was traveling with a med
icine show from Portland, Maine, and
the only real wild and wooly thing he got
up against was a flannel union suit he
bought in Butte. The union suit was
wooly and it made him wild to wear it.
"Yon tell Marty to stay right here If
he's looking for the real frontier life. I
can show him tuore Indians on Broadway
every night than he'd find on tho Rose
bud reservation In a month. And when it
comes to scalping the paleface stranger,
we've got a few ticket speculators and
all-night cabmen in our midst that would
make old Sitting Bull In his sealpingest
days look like a green hired girl trying to
slice ham with a safety razor.
Old Bphraim. the original fierce and un
tamable grizzly hear with the long black
nails, doesn't reside in the heart of the
Pierras any more. He takes a square meal
every night at the table right next to
mine. I know it must be a square meal
hecause tho comers scratch his tender
places going down and then he growls at
the waiter in the manner peculiar to griz
zly bears dining out. When he takes his
soup it reminds you of an obstruction in
the mouth of a sewer, and his way of eat
ing asparagus on the hoof would be worth j
three columns alone to Krncst-Thompson-Seton-and
-re peat-t he-Thompson.
"Your lad. Marty, will find when he's
a bit older, If he hasn't already found
It out, that there's a blame sight more
war paint used on the female face di
vine in a chorus than there is at a Si
wash squaw dance, although possibly
not so artistically done. And as for
the feathers and pelts and jingle bells
and other adornments of the barbarian
that's where the Fifth avenue prome
ADIL
BY SEWKLIj FORD.
FIRST I knew of this Mrs. Jumna
Jhin business was when I strolls into
the Perzazer'a gold reception-room
the other afternoon, huntin' for Sadie,
and finds her Just shakln' by-by with a
couple of light tans, as polite as you
please. And maybe I wa'n't some jarred
for a minute or so! Not that I've got
It in for the colored race; but I do draw
th line at makln' parlor comp'ny of 'em.
Sure, he has a silk lid and a frock coat
on. and she Is weartn' a regalia that's
more or less suited for happy days; but
there was the smoky tint. Just the same.
Well, I stands there watchln' the
7reak-away with my mouth openin'
wider "n" wider, especially as Sadie gives
the lady Topsy one of her friendly waist
squeezes, and when they've sailed toward
tho elevator I steps out from behind a
pillar and waves the flag.
"Gee. Sadie!" ays I, "but you're get-
i tin'
lait
tln' democratic! "Who are your cafe au
friends, anyway?"
Whv. Shorty!" says she. "Haven't
I you heard about them? That's the Maha
j raja of Khelat and the Maharenee."
i 1 "I'm all lit up now." says I. "But are
they cakewalk artists, or do they travel
i -with Williams and Walker?"
"The Idea!" says she, lookin' shocked.
"Why, they're from India a native
! Prince and Princess and they're on their
i way to be entertained at Buckingham
i palace."
"G'wan!" says I. "You don't mean to
tell me that pair of near-brunettes is1
headed for the king-row?"
She does, though. And she says the
Maharenee. which is Just Kipling for
Princess, has the finest collection of
precious stones outside of a museum a
whole trunkful of pearl necklaces, and
sapphire belts, and diamond dog collars,
and so on.
"And you can't guess what I've done,"
says Sadie.
w
ii
IS THAT REAL. WOE, OR IS IT
nader puts It all over the brick-dusty
sister down in the territory. Little
Juanlta Water-on-tbe-Knee, bewitching
daughter of Chief John Bright's dis
ease, tribal head of the Punk Rivers,
Is more'n likely these days to be run
ning the leading dressmaking estab
lishment of Wichita Falls with her hair
slicked back and her houth full of pins
and a diploma from Carlisle framed on
the walL But the patrician members
of some proud old coal and coke, or
street railway family of New York and
Pittsburg, goes swirling through the
Waldorf any afternoon with one of
those self-made complexions, done in a
white and red color scheme, and a form
fitting garment that seems to fasten
with qne large button, like a henhouse
door, and rattling with curtain rings
and gold trace chains, like a brewery
horse, and touched up hither and yon
with mink scalps and bird heads and
ermine skins, until you get to thinking
she must have escaped from the taxi
dermist . before he had finished. Why
one good look at her would make the
last surviving widow of the late Spot
ted Tall strip off her cheap necklace
of salmon cans In a frenzy of jealous
rage and seek a boiled suicide's grave
In a hot geyser. You tell Marty, for
me, to stick around awhile. A couple
of years from now he can get more
thrills joining the Eagles than he could
pursuing the wild loping Rocky Moun
tain chamois, which there isn't any, to
its lofty snowcapped lair, ' which It
hasn't any. A kid that's been raised In
a great city Isn't Intended by nature
and environment for the chase, unless
It's being chased by a cop, and anyway,
he can stay right home and get some
real big game hunting if he only knows
where to look for It"
"I guess you ain't very strong for
them strenuous outdoor sports," said the
House Detective reflectively.
"Oh, you bet your life I am," said the
Hotel Clerk. "I'm strong for all forms of
sport In their proper place, which is the
newspaper. I can get all the excitlment
my nature craves out of the active sport
ing life just from reading about It. Take
fox hunting, for example. For 1 cent I
can enjoy a spirited account of the an
nual hunt of the Mcadowbrooks, consist
ing of two columns about the prominent
people present and an Inch and a half
touching on the last hours of the fox.
But to actually accomplish the destruction
of this ferocious brute in the prescribed
manner must take a lot of trouble. Before
you can go about the work of properly
eradicating the ravaging creature known
as the red fox, you have to get together
FN
FLAYS A
"Yes, I can,' says I. "You've borrowed
the trunk key."
"There." says she, "don't ttry to be
humorous! I've got her to promise to
attend a dinner, party at Mrs. Purdy
Pell's tomorrow night."
"Mrs. Pell know it?" says I.
"No; but she soon will," says Sadie.
"And we shall invite Mrs. Boomer Day."
"What then?" says I.
"Why, you know how that fat old
freak always loads herself with jewels?"
says Sadie. "She'll not miss this
chance, you can bet! Well, we'll Just
spring the Maharenee on her, that's all."
"Oh!" says I. "This is to be a case
of luggln' in a ringer on the Boomer
Day person, and makln' her look like a
night lamp under a Welsbach burner?
And that's why you're so chummy with
her royal Joblots!"
"She Isn't as entertaining as she might
be. I will admit." says Sadie, "and she
does dress a bit freakish; but she'll be
something of a card to announce, and
when she gets all her family heirlooms
on she ought to be a perfect blaze; that'
the main point."
"Nothing like being kind to strangers,
eh?" says I. "How'd you come to gel
next? Just butted in?"
"Indeed I did not!" says she. "When
I found they were stopping here I sent
for a note of introduction from the wif
of the British Consul. And I gue.-A the
Maharenee was glad to have someone
to talk to besides that strutty little
Prince."
Well, that's the way it started. After
hearin' Sadie and . Mrs-. Pell plan it all
over the phone. I don't get any more
details until late the next day. when
Pinckney blows into the studio, with
that sunny twinkle in his eye that's a
sure sign there's something doing. He
don't say much, but Just balances himself
on the corner of my desk, rubs his chin
VvV,
mm
A BID FOR CONTRIBUTIONS?"
XHE "JRKIVILEGE GET
FITTING -A.T-lf X3V
ZN A. SUN-KISSED J50W BOAT
Tom
h-i- f.(j - - ' . aYA VA !
I'M : r7 NT 'If 4"
wlth that silver-headed stick of his and
does the silent chuckle.
"Ah, say, Pinckney," says I, "some
day one of those funny thoughts or
yours will get crossways of.your wind
pipe and you'll choke to death! Why
the inward Joy?"
" "Better wait until you get home," says
he. "I fear I couldn't do the subject
Justice."
'Oh, you couldn't,' eh!' says I. "Well,
suppose you make a stab at It before I
drag you in on the mat and get dust on
the back of that new Spring coat. Is it
something about Sadie?"
Then he gives up. The dinner party
programme had been - all fixed up, and
everything was runnin' lovely, with Mrs.
Boomer Day swallowin' the bait like a
petvlizard boltin' a blue bottle fiy when
the .Maharenee up and sends word that
she can't come. She's got a pain in her
toe, or she's afraid it'll rain, or some
such serious thing as that.
Anyway, she's scratched her entry, and
she's stlckin' to it, for all Sadie has
coaxed her for an hour, try in' to show
her how hair the topnotchers Id town
are dyln' to meet her, and how disap
pointed them that's been, asked will be
when she don't show up. But it's no go.
This made-in-Indla Princess ain't In
terested a little bit. She don't think
much of this country, anyway, and she
sails tomorrow for England, where they
know how to treat a crowned head when
they see one.
Now maybe I couldn't figure out just
how wrathy Sadie would be after being
stung like that! Seems they'd spread the
news around reckless about this dinner
to a real live Maharenee. and the idea
had caught on in great style. Folks had
been called up by wire as far away as
Newport and Lenox, and they'd tumbled
over themselves to send word they were
comin'. The worst of It was, it was too
late to stop 'em now; and it was up to
Sadie and Mrs. Pell to conduct the
obsequies over a grand fizzle, somethin'
neither of 'em had over been up against
yet.
"But of course you'll be there to help
; ' i
GIVES HIM A GLANCE CHILLY ENOUGH TO HANG ICICLES
them out," says Pinckney, givin' me the
cheerful wink.
"I'd be a lot of help, wouldn't I?" says
I.' "And it's right in my line, ain't it?
Say, you're gettin' to be a reg'lar comic
section, Pinckney. G'wan!"
"By which you intend to convey, I sup
pose," says he, "that you will be un
avoidably detained down town on busi
ness?" "Something like that," says I.
"Then I'll be the business," says he.
"I engage you right now to supply me
with an appetite, for dinner, and then
help me to order the same. Come on.
Shorty."
So, while the chilly frost was threaten
in' to blight the buds up around Fifth
avenue, and the park entrance, me and
Pinckney was havin an old-time warm
up with the gloves. We'd had a rub,
and was just leavln' the studio to get
Into our dinner clothes when we runs
Into this kitchenette tragedy in the lower
ball. '
Course, we didn't know it was that,
first off. All we sees is a female party
slumped on the bottom stair with her
face in her hands, havin' a good hearty
cry all to herself.
"Hello!" says I, stoppln' to look her
over. "Is that, real woe, or is it a bid
for contributions? Well, cheer up Lizzie;
you've won half a dollar. There you are;
Now turn off the tears."
She don't take any notice of the coin,
though, but just hunches her shoulders
and goes on with the sobbln' business.
And say I'm always a mark when that's
sprung on me.
"Ah quit!" says I. "Don't weep on the
wall there, lady, or you'll loosen the plas
ter. What's the sad tale, anyway?"
With that I pulls her shoulder around,
and she Jumps up like I'd touched a
spring. Then I sees shes' one of the Cre
ole brand. Just tinted up enough to see
her face has the dusky look, with the
red showln' through from underneath.
And mad! I see in a minute It wa'n't
plain grief that alls her, but a grouchy
brain storm.
"Go way, man." says she, "or I'll "
"Why." says Pinckney, stcppln' up
"why it's Laurlne, isn't it?"
usn
ON HIS SOUL.
It was. Laurine happens to be Mrs.
Pinckney's pet parlor maid, and she'd
disappeared from Soundmere the day be
fore without sayln' why. She'd been such
such a prize that they was talkin' of ad
vertisin' a reward to anyone that would
bring her back. And the minute Laurine
sees Pinckney her chin drops and she
stands there lookin' sheepish and meek.
"Is this your Idea of enjoying a vaca
tion?" says Pinckney.
It didn't take Laurine lone to tell the
tragedy. And It all centers about a coffee-colored
head waiter by the name of
Billings. She'd met up with this Mr.
Billings when she was doin' hotel work,
land he was a real elegant party, with a
cilrly black mustache and a hair part tnat
looked like it had been done with a
straight-edge and a gouge. He'd whis
pered tender words to her, Mr. Billings
had, and he'd asked her to be his true
lady love on three separate and distinct
occasions, and she givin' him the afflu
gacious turn down every trip, havin' her
own ideas about the uncomfluity of head
waiters as a set.
It was to keep him from pesterin' her
with his assimerations that she'd left the
hotel and taken up with the parlor maid
job: and she suttingly did have to own
that Mrs. Pinckney had used her nice.
But this Billings man was as much of a
letter writer as he was a converser.. He
put in poetry out of a book, and he dis
servated that he was ready to fiy with
her on demand. Also he sent a twelve
by fourteen photograph, full length view,
taken In his dlnin'-room costume.
And it was the picture that turned the
trick. Laurine had kept it standin' on
her bureau, where she could pee it when
she got lonesome. That and the lack of
excitement and refined colored society out
at Soundmere worked on Laurine so that
early on morning she packed her grip,
sneaked out the back way and took a
commuter train for the city with the idea
of allowln' herself to be made Mrs. Jack
son Billings before night. It happened
that Billings had resigned his head wait
ershlp. on request of the management,
but the new; man gave her his street
number and Laurine had discovered him
dining ong fam-meal with a two-hun-dred-and-fifty-pound
wife and four kids.
rfnnf tho brain adtation.
"Hones', Mistah Pinckney," says she.j
a flock of bay-voiced hounds and a troupe
of short-tailed horses andi a master of
the hunt and an' extra drink mixer on
duty all the night before at the clubhouse
bar, and a lot of society gentlemen in
pink pill coats and half Morocco pants,
and a bevy of society ladies in derby hats
end stock collars. The ladles have their
riding habits on, of course, and thai gen
tlemen have their habits on, too, fre
quently, which, however, is neither here
nor there. And then when you get a few
truck farms and hot-beds to ride over, '
and a fox all the best authorities Insist
on a regular live fox why, then, every
thing is ready and. a-winding the merry
horn, off they go with a view halloo and
various other things. You'd think from
all these preparations, that a fox ought
to be as big as a rhinoceros. But he's
not. I've often seen him on his native
heath, which is In the perfumery ward
up at the Zoo, next door to the cage
where the civit cats do their light house
keeping. He's about the size of one of
those marked-down-to-J2.98 fur 'boas that
you see over In Sixth avenue, and not
near as fierce-looking.
"And then there's the simpler, less ex
pensive pastimes of the middle classes,
called fishing and hunting. But why
should a city dweller awake at an hour
When nobody has any right to toe out of
bed except the early-rising condemned
man, and ride SO miles on a crowded ex
cursion train for the privilege of sitting
all day in a sun-kissedi rowboat and
catching one small, pallid fish that imme
diately expires with a convulsive gasp
and then begins to smell eccentric? Then
also, there's the gibes and sneers of the
unsoaped populace when you return home
at eventide. You can go through a crowd
ed street carrying a walking stick, or a
baby, or a bunch of bananas, and no
body'll say a word, but come alon with
a Jointed rod under your arm and perfect
strangers have a perfect right to hold you
up and jeer at you and ask you what
you caught, besides a cold. You may
have noticed it. And why should you
save up for two months in order to spend
a damp, unhappy week in the North
Woods, poking around! in the unkempt un
derbrush, shooting at random and having
Random shooting at you while a gloat
ing guide that you're paying five plunks a
day to, gets a sweet and lasting revenge
out of you for what happened to him
when he came down to the city by ap
pointment, and had dealings of a financial
nature with Tender Lawrence andl Broad
Wayte, the Green-Goods Twins of Forty
second street."
"Well, Roosevelt was born in this town,
and yet he's goin' right into the heart of
the jungle, soon as his term's up," said
the House Detective. "How do you figure
that out?"
"There's quit a perceptible difference,"
SHOPTY MCABE5
BRILLIANT INTERNATIONAL FUNC -TION
WITH A SUBSTITUTE STAR.
"Ah could a cut his heart out Jes' then!"
"Really!" says Pinckney. "And how
do you feel about that sort of thing
now?"
"Huh!" says she, throwln' her head
back and doin' the scornful hand wave.
"Ah wouudn't cas' mah eyes on such
black trash no mo'! Will the missus take
me back?"
"Will she!" says Pinckney. "Why er
well, she might, you know."
"Ah'H do anything if Ah can get took
back," says Laurine.
"Shorty," says he, pullin' me off one
side, "what do you think about it?"
"Me?" says I. "All I can think of is
how much she looks like that balky Prin
cess of Sadie's, only this is a live one."
"The Maharenee!" says he. "You says
Laurine looks like her? Why why By
Jove, Shorty, I have an inspiration."
When Pinckney Is struck with a
thought like that he ain't got time
for explanation. First he has to rush
Into the studio and do a lot of telephonin'.
and when he comes back he's all busi
ness. "Laurine.' says he, "you're to come
with us. We are going to take you to
Mrs. McCabe. and if you can do exactly
as she tells you for the next few hours
probably you'll get your place again. Do
you want to try it?"
Laurine grins. Sure! Inside of three
minutes Pinckney has whistled up a
roomy taxicab, and we're humming down
Broadway.
At the first fake jewelry shop we hauls
up and me and Pinckney piles out. Ever
In one of them Bridgeport gem dispen
saries? Say. they're wonders! They
showed us a four-foot rope of flsnskin
pearls, every one as big as the end of
your thumb, all for three and a half.
"I'll take that," says Pinckney. Now
some diamond tiaras."
He blows in a couple of twenties and
gets what looks to be a million dollars
worth of stuff-rubies and emeralds and
sapphires, and every piece set in war
ranted gold wash.
"No wonder they have to run the glass
factories all night!" says I.
Twenty minutes more and we ve landed
Laurine at the Perzazzer.
"She'll do," says Sadie, givin' her one
look. "And I have a gown that will be
Just a fit." ....
"Easy, Sadie," says I. "Don t get let in
for any fool stunt you're goin' to be
sorry for." ,,
"It's the only thing left for us to do,
savs she. "And it's such sport!"
Well, you can guess! It was nearly 9
o'clock, and the front room at Mrs.
Purdy-Pell's was Jammed with swell
folks, waitin' for the niissin' guest.
They'd all seen Countesses and Duchesses
and so on. but a Princess from India was
a new sensation.
"I do hope she'll tell us something
about those delightful native courts,"
says one.
"Why, she doesn't speak a word of
English," says another. "I heard Mxs.
Pell say so."
They had plenty of time to talk it over,
for thor'd been waitin' nearly an hour,
when there's a stir at the door, and tho
stuffed Englishman the Pells has for a
butler, shouts out:
" 'Er 'Ighness. the Maharenee Jumna
Jhin of Khelat!"
"Will they stand lor it?" thinks I.
But say, this is the one spot on tho map
where they do! You flash the real thing
on this town, and you've got to back it
up with seven kinds of proof and a bunch,
of affidavits; but you spring a good fake,
and they don't even stop to read the
label. And for a Just-as-good. Laurtne
was the best that ever happened. Why.
I finds myself climbin' on a chair to get
another glimpse.
Does she look the part? Say, in that
fancy dress of Sadie's, and with all that
phony decoration on, this Laurine girl
has the Queen of Sheba lookin' like a
suffragette on a rainy day. And talk
about your walkln' lighthouses! She was
as brilliant as a set-piece at a fireworks
exhibit. It's nothin' but cut glass backed
with silver foil, of course; but under the
electric lights who can tell the difference?
And it all matches up so well, too.
Them blue and green and yellow stones
against that tinted skin of hers just seem
to belong there; and the big poarw
around her neck, and the tiara on top of
J3Y Wht 5. COBB.
said tho Hotel Clerk. "When the ordi
nary citizen takes his Adams express
rifle in hand and hikes for the high
grass after big game and small chiggas.
he doesn't have the United States Gov
ernment and the Smithsonian Institution,
and the Amalgamated Rough Riders' Of
ficeholding Association and the Outloolc
Magazine and the National Museum of
Natural History and ew other socie
ties and administrations and things plug
ging it along for him. I might go to col
ored Africa, too, if thero was a trainload
of responsible persons trailing along to
size up the rigors of the ohaso and care
fully remove all the rigs from thorn. Th
EBloodsweatlng Behomoih would havo a
good excuse for the sweat then, I tell
you that.
"Anyway, Larry, I don't think tho
hunting of big game, from bank presi
dents down to colored soldiers, is going
to toe as popular during the administra
tion that's coming on as it was during
the latter part of the one that's almost
over. We'll bo going in more for the
simpler pleasures of the chaso that you
can reach for 5 cents on a Broadway car.
In the fastnesses of Wall street the hardy
adventurer will again pursue his shrink
ing quarry, and not only his shrinking
quarry, but his shrunken railroad stork
and his disappearing mining shares. T'p
town the sad-faced but resolute dramatic
critic will shoot the struggling young
playwright behind the ear with a fatal
volley ajid then smile a chastened smllo
of quiet content. For a dramatic critic,
you know. Larry, weeps aloud when a
show is a hit, but ho smiles when lio
brines it down, weltering in its gore. Some
day they'll make the true classification of
dyspeptics. 'Twill be like this: Plain
dyspeptics, hopeless dyspeptics and New
York dramatic critics.
"In tho courts also, from time to time,
rich, plump coveys of love letters will
be flushed, thereby giving great satisfac
tion to the reading public All the world
loves a lover. Larry, but It loves bettor
to get something on a lover. A love let
ter in a book is a beautiful and a senti
mental thing, and a lovo passage in a
play is calculated to make a matinee girl
push the caramel back on her palate and
suspend chewing, but a love letter that
comes out in a brearh-of-piomise suit,
especially if 'twas written by an elderly
widower with long gray whiskers, makes
tis show our teeth in a grin of pure joy
until we look like a xylophone in the
face.
"And in the White House there'll be a
large President with rounded corners,
who never hunts anything except thi
shady side of the porch and hasn't faced
any Wild game of recent years except
the baked possum: and altogether things
will be much quieter."
"D'ye think the possum will be popular
when Big Bill goes in" asked the.Housa
Detective.
"I hope so.'" said the Hotel Clerk. "The
possum ought to make a fine National
bird for a prosperity year. He's the only
animal I know with a pocket."
ACCOUNT OTA
all that black hair well, the whole com
bination was all to the Cleopatra. May
be Sadie, all pink and white and red, and
not a sign of jewelry on her, don't show
up some graceful in contrast. Sadie's
towln' her in, and throwin' the happy
smiles right and left. And say, when
you're cliuckin' a bluff, there's nothin'
like doin' it well.
I never knew whether they put up the
whole game, or if It Just happened that
way; but right under the big chandelier
they meets Mrs. Boomer Day, with all
her war paint and furniture on. She's
wearin' her pearl rope; but It ain't more'n
half the size of the one the fake Jla
harenee's spor..n'. It's the siune with,
her sparks and other gems. She's hung
on the whole collection, and lookin' as
decorated up as a Christmast tree; but
when she slacks up agr.inst the other one
her color scheme goes all to the bad.
And there wasn't anyone in the crowd
knew it quicker than Mrs. Boomer Day.
She turns turkey red from her shoulders
up. makes a big bluff at sliakin' hands,
and then edges off into a corner, pre
tendin' not to see the smiles that goes
around.
At dinner they plants the dummy
Princess between Mrs. Pell and Pinck
ney, niakin' a sort of chocolate layer,
so no one can surprise her into givin'
away the part; and the folks has a
lovely time tellin' each other what a"
real royal lookin' lady she was and
makln' guesses as to how many hun
dred thousand dollars' worth of fancy
harness she's wearin'.
Perhaps you think I.aurino is
stunned by all t.i.r? Never a stun!
She holds her chin up like tiie real ar
ticle; gets away with her share of
fancy food, takes a sip of every kind of
wine that's circulated, and acts gener
ally like she was bein' mildly amused
by a lot of half-civilized freaks. For
an amateur performance it was equal
to anything an English lady novelist
could put up.
Her get-away was the slickest,
though.- Just when they'd got to cof
fee Mrs. Pell announces that Her High
ness presents her best compliments and
begs to be excused. That's the signal
for me to send for the carriage.
I've just passed the word to an out
side flunky, and am coming back
through the front hall when I meets
the procession escortin' her out. As
Laurine steps til rough tlio draperies,
one of the extra waiters comes In with
the cordial tray. He's a big. fine-look-in'
mahogany-colored gent, with a
curly mustache and a front like Lew
Dockstader. He arrives just in sea
son to almost collido with the imita
tion Princess, and for a second they
stand there dodgin' each other. Then
be breaks out, and we sees what a nar
row squeeze we've had.
"Fob de land's sakes! Miss Laurine!"
says he. With that he throws up both
hands, and about two dozen glasses of
kuminel go to smash on the hardwood
floor. But you should have seen Lau
rine. She draws herself up until she's
about a foot taller, pokes her nose Into
the air, and gives him one of them
droop-eyed, below-zero glances that
ought to have been chilly enough to
hang icicles on his soul. Then she
grabs up her long skirt, swings a bare
shoulder under his chin, steps around
the mess on the floor, and sweeps out
where the maid Is waitin' with her
wraps.
"Pinckney," says T. "that must havs
bcM the Romeo Billings person who
got tno' harpoon glance. Wa'n't It?"
"Sh-h-h!" says Pinckney.
Accordin' to later reports, though, it
was; and Laurine's sentiments was to
the effect that now she was perfectly
satisfied to hold down the parlor maid
job for the rest of her life.
"But." says I to Sadie next day.
"wouldn't the real Mrs. Jumna Jhin be
some surprised if she could read all
this in the papers about her dinin' out
in sty'e? Too bad her sallin' so early
made her miss it."
"Perhaps she won't." says Sadie: "for
I had marked copies mailed to her
home address. She'll know all about it
when she gets hack to Khelat."
Eh? Sure! That's what I call being
real thoughtful.
(Copyrigiit. 100. by Sewell Ford. AH
rights reserved.)