OREGONIAN, PORTLAND,
JANUARY 17,
a I VE r'a4ir-5 about the do
ings of congress, aia
tcl O-rk of the S- Reckiess.
Only there aren't any to speak of."
It gits past m8 ""r "ou ran fil" for
dry "tuff like that." said the Housf De
tective. There are too many Ilkeyo'l. ala.-.
raid t!ic Hotel C!rk. "The greatest
curse of this country, except eight or
pine thousand o.her curws that any So
cialist would h- glad to tell von about.
ii that it's f'l" of Ignorant lant-hejds
1 k you. Larr. thit aV- through with
daily paper when they've ril the
sporting to whether any of
their friend go licked and thn rrsd
the crime department to i"ce If any other
friends (tot pinched. But a for rue.
when I'm tired out by the cares that
infest the day. Just let me put my feet
up on a. heater and turn to the Wash
ington specials and before you'd hardly
notice it I'll be drifting off Into a peace
ful slumber that any babe might envy.
Nothing- gives me more real pleasure
than spending an evening with Congress
and I know of nothing more restful to
ttw mind. If It stays quiet and nobody
conies in and wk. me up I can spend
many a refreshing hour that way over
the proceedings of the great law-giving
tly from which we derive to much
wis and beneficial legislation that the
fiupreme Court knocks In the head a
soon as It can get around to IL For
Congress giveth and the Supreme Court
taketh away, and thus the course of
fJovernment takes Its sway, except, of
course, when T. Roosevelt happen 1
be President.
"Tes, sir. Larry. I like to keep posted
rn Congress. Tlx re used to be an up
state member of the House that s-nt
me all his printed speeches on ,ne t
economic topics of the day. such as the
Panama Canal and the tariff and the
Ml! to appropriate C.0WO to make Mink
Creek navigable at all seasons of the
year except from'May to October. whn
If goes dry and from December to March,
when It's froxen up. They were great
speeches, too. Larry, take It from me.
with interruptions like this (laughter)
or else this (continuous applause stuck
through them, like the studs In a dreA
shirt. I got to thinking that the Hon
orable Wilbur J. Wfdewindor must be
the greatest orator th's country has pro
duced since Daniel Webster, until one
time when I happened to run up against
Mm addressing the Rutland County
ChantanTia. and Livestock Breeders' As
sociation. Ho had one of those cream
separator mustaches, you know the kind
that hangs down In thin, drooping lines
MANY WHO STILL WORSHIP IDOLS
Man-Eaters Are Powerful Gods to the Savage Dweller by the South Saa.
IN VIHW of the wide distribution of
sharks and their strength and fero-v
Ity. qualities which appeal to the
aavugc mind. It Is not strange that the
cult of shark worship should .have
iilsen. Tills worship Is especially com
mon In the South Seas.
In the Solomon Islands living sacred ob
jects are chiefly sharks, alligators,
snakes, etc. Sharks are In alt these
lilands very often thought to be the
abde of ghosts, as natives will at times
before their death announce that thty
will appear as sharks. Afterward any
shark remarkable, for sixe or color which
i observed to haunt a certain shore or
rock Is taken to l'C a ghost and the name.
of the deceased Is given to It.
Such was thf .ase of Sauiahimatawa
a; L'iatia. a dread man-eater to which
rfferiiiss of porpoise teeth were made.
At Saa ccttaiu food, such as eoeoanuts
from certain trcs. is reserved to feed
fU'-h a gliost fhark. and there are cer
tain men of whom It is known that after
leath they will be In sharks. Thee,
t!:?rpforc arc allowed to eat such food in
tne sacred place. In Saa and In I'lawu
if a sacred aliark had attempted to 'lie
a man and lie had escaped the people
would be so much afraid of the shark's
anter that they would throw the man
back Into the sea to be drowned. These
sharks also were thourht to aid lu catch
ing the bonito. for taking which super
natural power waa considered necessary.
In the Banks Inlands a shark may be
a tangaroa. a sort of familiar spirit, or
Its abode. Some year ago Mannrwar. ton
of Mala, the chief man In Vanua Lava,
had s'ich a shark. He had given money
to a Manwo man to send It to him. It
was very tame and would come up to
Mm wheri he went down to the beach
at Nawono and follow along In the shore.
In the New Hebrides- some men have the
power, the natives believe, of changing
themselves into shark.
Tie Samoan native believed that his
sods appeared In some visible Incarnation,
sod the particular thing in which it was
In the habit of appearing was to him an
object of veneration. Many worshld
the shark in this way. and while they
would freely partake of the rods of
ethers they"flt that dratTi ould be tho
penalty shon'.d they eat their own god.
The. god was supposed to avenge the in
sult by taking up hli abode In the offend
er's body and causing to generate there
the verr thing which he had eaten until
It produced death. In one village.
Taemao. the war god was present In a
bundle of shark's teeth. Therr curios
ities were done up in a piece of native
cloth and consulted before going to bat
tlie. If the bundle feit heavy that was
a bad omen, but if Jight the svn was
good, and off they went to the fight.
In the Fiji Islands Viavla and other
gods claim the sharks as their abode,
and their devoteee must never eat of that
!sh as If they did they would be partak
ing 'of tne god himself. In the Caroline
Islands the natives honor their gods un
der the guise of some special bird, dsn or
tree In which they are supposed to re
side and with mhlch they are identlned.
These they style their "Tan-waar," lit
erally canoe, vehicle or medium. Here
t shark typifies most appropriately the
K'i of war.
It was In the Hawaiian Islands, how
ever, that shark worship reached Its
greatest perfection. Its worship was quite
common on the Islands. e--h Island hav
!! a special shark as It ancestral god.
This worship of iarks was due lanjely
to the fact thut the belief In the trans
migration of souls Is quite general among
the Polynesians, and the Hawallaoe
would feed their dead to the sharks un-d-r
the supposition that In thla way the
soul of the dead would enter the ahark
and so animate the latter as to Incline
them to repect the living.
Each of these shark gods had a special
keeper, or kahu. who was responsible for
its care and wurahlp. The office of kahu
ae hereditary, and was handed down
from parent to child for generations, or
until the family became extinct, when It
like those warnings for a low bridge
that you see at a railroad crossing, and
his eyes were bright, quick orbs that
looked something lik- a couple ot
reamed clams, and he. seemed to hare
about on.- separate andlisinot thought
every chango of the moon. After listen
ing to him for a few minutes my heart
went out in a great burst of pity to his
private secretary and the members of
h's immediato family. And I don't en
thuse any more when I strike those con
tinuous applause things. In a franked
copy of his latest discourse, because I
know now that he must put "cm In with
a patent button-hole machine."
"I notice a lot of poople here lstly
have been ssyln' Congres ui coward
ly for not toln' after Teddy on account
of what ho wild," ventured tbo House
lxttivc.
"That !- a base libel." said the Hotel
Clerk. "Congress is not cowardly, Lar
ry. It's merely cautious. In the ex
treme. You take tbo House for exam
pic Thero's a great cautious, delibera
tive body for you. About all tha -members
of the" House are afraid of is the
President and the W. C. T. V. and Uncle
Joe Cannon and the committee on rule
and the ways and means committee and
the general public and each other and
the opposition, and what tha papers
will say and what the papers won't say
and their constituent and tha canteen
question, and all other question! what
soever, and the young fellows that are
growing- up back home with hanker
lufcs for office, and the district, state
and national organization, and the
first, second, third and fourth-class
Postmasters, and the local bosses and
some other things like that With
those few exceptions, the member of
the House are so courageous that they
actually verge on the daredevillsh. and
the Senators are eeen rhore'so, being
elected for a longer term and having
nothing to distract them from the per
formance of their high and sacred duty
except to keep one eye at all time
carefully on the home Legislature arid
the other on tbo nearest atorm cellar.
Those Srnators are certainly i derring-do
lads for you. Larry, make no
mistake about it. Nick Carter had
nothing on them when -It comes to in
nate courage, but as J say they .are
cautious at times.
-To be eure. I wouldn't go so far
as to say that Congress, for Innate dash
and total disregard of consequences. Is
quite up to the Impetuous standard of an
Old Maids' Home. I doubt even If It
has quite aa much of that reckless
contempt' for peril aa characterises
Girls' Hla-h School, or marks the course
and conduct of the Inmates of the in- I
would be taken up by another family.
Intimate relatione were generally sup
posed to ex!t between the god and his
keeper, and In return for a pig or a fowl
the shark was believed to be ready to
aid and assist him should any danger
threaten. Should the kahu be upset In
a canoe and be In serious peril the faith
ful shark would appear Just In time to
take him on his back in safety to the
nearest shore.
The largest and most celebrated of the
shark gods was Kuhaimoana, a male
whose mouth was said to be as large as
an ordinary grass house-. Second In sixe
and power was Kamohoalll, elder brother
of the goddees Pcle, Like many of the
other shark ods he was able at pleasure
to assume human form. When In human
form he usually made Ids lioine in pro
found solitudes near the volcanoes of
Mokuaweoweo and Kilauea on Hawaii,
and Haleakala on Maul. In his shark
form he Is still said to roam at large in
the deep waters around Maul.
The principal reason for the affection
shown by the people to the shark god
was the fact that so many of the fish as
serted human parentage and claimed to
be related by ties of kinship to their
kahus. Such was the case with Kaliu
pahu and her brother Kahluka. the two
famous shark gods of the Bwa Lagoon,
on Ouhu.
These two when stt'.l In childhood wan
dered away front their home and mysteri
ously disappeared. After a fruitless
search t',i - parents were Informed that
they had lieen transformed Into sharks,
and they soon became the apeclnl ob
jects of worship of the people in tho
vicinity of their old haunt".
According to tradition, after a time the
m.in-eattn shark Mikololou. from the
Island of Mui. paUI them a visit and en
Joyed their hospitality until he re
proached them for providing him with
his favorite human flesh. Thla they in
dignantly refused to give, whereupon, in
spite of their protests, he made a raid on
Ills own account upon the natives and se
cured one or more of their number to
satisfy his apputije.
Jvaiiupab'i and h--r brother promptly
gave warning to their fi-:ends on shore
and rrepard as cheme for his destruc
tion, before he could do further damage.
Ttiey Invited their ur suspecting guest to
a feaft In his honor i tlnir favorite re
sort tip tho WalpahU Fiver, where they
fed hlni sumptuously and at length stu
pefied hiin with. Bwa, a native Intoxicat
ing drink, which they supplied in gener
ous quantities.
In the meantime their frl"nds, who had
come in great numbers from tho sur
rounding country- were directed to close
up the mouth of the river with their fish
net.', while the sister and brother at
tacked him In the rear. Roused by his
danger, the shark attempted to braak
through the cordon of nets In order to
regain the sea and safety, but failed,
and the people dragged him on shore and
burned his body to ashes.
Unfortunately a dog got hold of his
tongue, and. after eating a portion,
dropped the remainder Into the river,
whereupon the epirlt of the man eater
revived again, and as a tongue, now re
stored and nllve, made his way to the
coasts of Maui and Hawaii. pleaing
with the sharks of Uie E Lagoon.
Anticipating this action the latter se
cured the aid of Kuhalraoana and other
notable sharks from the Islands of Ka
hoolawe. Niihau. Kauai and Oahu. It
was a grand s.ght wheu tlieso mighty
hosts began the great shark war. This
combat has long been the theme of the
native bards.
Kahu"xhu and her friends were vic
tors in" the first great battle, but the
struggle dragged on for years with vary
ing success. The Hawailans say that she
Is now dead, while her brother lives In
tls old cave In the sea.
A shark named Moaa'.ll was famous as
the marine god of Molokai and Oahu.
Many temples were built on promon
tories In his honor and to them the first
fruits of the fisherman's labors were ded
icated. When victims were required to
be sacrificed In honor of this god. or he
was supposed to be hungry, the rrlests
1 . i$h!&'
curable ward of a hospital for paralyt
ics. But this much I will say. that X
regard Congreas aa being every tit as
foolhardy and defiant Of danger as the
bold and hardy buccaneers of Wall
street, and those same . Wall-street par
ties are, I may add, about the gamest
would sally forth and ensnare with a
rope any one they could catch. The vic
tim was Immediately strangled, cut In
pieces an4 thrown to the voracious ani
mal. Ukanlpo was the shark god of Hawaii.
He seems to have been of a compassion
ate nature at times, as there are extant
several traditions showing kindness he
had --done to certain of his devotees, espe
cially lovers In distress,''
All the shark gods were not beneficent,
however. Apukohal and Ubumakakalkal
were evil shark gods who Infested the
PRINCE OF WALES IS IN TRAINING FOR
SUCCESSION JO THE DUTIES OF KING
' Assumes Some Official Functions and Prepares to Assume Others When Necessary.
i e-s-rt-, - . , , ,
fcTi.-V. BCWCI . nS?" . . X v-V'a '-.. - 1 ! ssm II ! 1MIIIIMM P P ll W i
v. -
NICW YORK, Jan. 16. (Spe l.) The
illness of tho King of England may
be exaggerated, but it is credibly report
ed that the Prince of Wales Is assuming
some of his official duties, and tnis un
doubtedly with a view to having the
Prince on hand and prepared if any
thing should happen to the King. There
la no questioning the King's wonderful
vitality. As a young man. he went the
pace with an earnestness that won for
hlin the admiration of his cotemporaries.
When he came to the throne It was freely
predicted that he would not live more than
a year or two. At the time of the coro
nation, shopkeepers and' standkeepers
took out Insurance on his life In the fear
that he might not I've to be crowned. Of
course there was no serious question of
his health at that time and to insure
against the death of any public man la
a common form of gambling In England.
An Interesting-fact in connection with
this Insurance was that no one Insured
against the Kings Illness. Now the Ui
nessof the King made Just as much im
mediate difference to the shopkeepers and
the standownets as would his death.
And It is also an Interesting reminiscence
that the British courts decided that
standkeepers need not refund the money
paid them by American tourists (among
others) for seats to witness the corona
tion parade on the grouud that the stand-
J24fy SlEMfiZZS J3M?JlJf0rMT
buccaneers that aver d buccaneer-and-m
lng dancing on the lid of a seri
ous situation. I suppose you know
something of the grim and matchless
courage of our resident captains of
finance, Larry. When droad panic
looms upon the horizon or crawls out
waters of Kauai, and the fishermen were
compelled to propitiate them with offer
ings. . , ,
Should a fisherman by an unlucky acci
dent Injure or destroy a shark held sacred
by his family he was bound to make a
feast to the god.
There are many old superstitions about
sharks. In parts of New England. In
order to cure a toothacho a dogfish, a
species of shark, is hooked, and the boni
that projects from the back Is cut off,
after which the fish is thrown back alive
Into the water. Place the horn on the
tooth and as the animal swims away so
will the toothache. Shark's teeth rubbed
on the gums help children In teething.
Washngton. P. C. Post.
That Piny When You
exchange.
A man who has been In an amateur en
tertainment never hears the last of It.
VS.
BaSBBBnTi- , ...... .. . " ". J
t:
v - - T
VCt , ,
J -
Wa.ll street do? Jumps up on
chair and pulls her skirt up to her
knees and shrieks for help. And when
rienoslta berln to shrink and tho popu
laoe takes its foot in its hand and
lights out for tho deep woods, with its
Knur chunira in Its shoe, don t we Una
those fearless bankers and brokers and
railroad promoters all standing brave
HOW "PROPHETS" ERRED INJ908
... , .. t . . 1 i -zzz " s
Some of the Tragedies That Were Predicted, Including the End of the World.
THOSE who have survived the awful
year of 1908 may well be thankful
they hardly know the terrors and
horrors they have missed.
For the benefit of the uninitiated It may
be stated that the beginning ot every year
certain "prophets" tell us what's going to
happen. Occasionally somebody hits It
right, and then he enjoys a reputation.
The greatest prophets if predicting
events gives thai title have been Lee J.
Bpangler. Edmund Scribner Stevens, Qus
tav Myer, of Hoboken, "The Nation s
keepers were not responsible for the
postponement. Neither were tho buyers
of stand tickets and the standkeeper
could have Insured himself against the
King's illness as easily as ajainst twins.
The Prince and Princess of Wales,
when they tome to tho throne, will
change the aspect of affairs In the
United Kingdom considerably. The
Prince of Wales does not like his present
job he is engaged largely in laying cor
nerstonesand ho looks ' forward with
anything but pleasure to the succession.
If reports are true, he Is a man of quiet,
rather domestic tastes. He. was pitch
forked into the '-ip around the world,
which he made, some years ago, for the
purpose of getting acquainted with the
colonies. He was driven Into the mar
riage with the fiancee of his dead brother.
Altogether, he hasn't done much that he
wanted to do and it looks as though
he would li-e a life full of disappoint
ment which is ono of tiiu Ironies of fate.
An unwilling King looks to tho average
man as a rara avis. Just possibly they are
not so rare.
Measurement of Bores.
Atchison Globe.
There Is Increasing complaints be
cause of the bores. The bores are
nearly always men of small congruence
who iack politeness. Look yourself over:
Are people talking about YOU? Voir
may think you are all right; but, what
do others say about you?
HOTEL GLtirBV-l
ly out in the open, urging everybody
to show renewed confidence by puttiug
their savings right back into tho banks,
to replace tho private accounts which
the said bankers, brokers and railroad
owners have carefully withdrawn prev
iously and buried in the back yard?
We sure do.
"And In Its particular sphere Congress
is Just as game and, gritty as Wall street
and just as much imbued with the fame
Indomitable spirit which prompts it to
never say die or anything else that Is
llablo to bring on complications. Just
look at what happened when the W. C.
T. U. rame along sometime back and
called .upon Congress to abolish the can
teen, which was an institution where a
nrimtA soldier misrht zo of an evening
and sink his soul in the hideous debauch
ery of seven-up at o cents a corner, ana
10 cents a setback, and meanwhile poison
ing his system and destroying his better
nature with as many as two long glasses
of that accursed brew which is common
ly known as larger beer, except in the
Spring of the year, when many reter to
It as bock. The enlisted men thought
nrattv well of the canteen, and the offi
cers said that if It was a. secret alliance
with th devil, as stated, they couldn t
figure how the silent partner was mak
ing much profit out of the business. But
Congress took counsel with Itseir, iook
ln at the DroDositkm from both sides,
which Is an easy thing to do when you
are sitting straddle of it, watching which
w to lumo. which Is Congress cus
tomary position in such cases; and Con-
frrM said to Itself. "These ladles navo
not votes. It is true, but many of them
h.va liiishands. and if we're any judges
of human nature, which we must be, or
we wouldn't be here, those same hus
hunri. will voLe the way their wives want
them to vote, or else go to the hospital.
And, anyway, what rights has a guy wno
works for sixteen, dollars a montn ana
Ms grub?"
'lMrnr hn emboldened, the C 1-
V. called on Congress to abolish its own
little canteen down in the bowels or tne
Capitol. And the House passed the buck
to the Senate, and the Senate passea tne
hiwlc to the fienate. and the Senate passed
the buck right back to the House in ac
cordance with Its usual courageous yet
cautious custom, and that explains why,
Larry, that a 6nug corner of the Capitol
basement which was formerly quite popu
lar L now comparatively deserted, and
also why so many members bring a hot
walor bottle or a flat dark half-pint ffask
labeled 'cough syrup' to their labors with
them of a morning and leave in in the
cloakroom in the care of a trusted at
tendant that had taken the Keeley cure.
While, as for the humble enlisted man,
down at the fort, any time he feels the
Counsellor." Zadkiel. a mystic; Mine, de
Thebes, of Paris'. William Maceabee, and
the weather man's friend, A. J. Devoe,
Now what has been predicted and what
has happened?
The end of the world has been predicted
so manv times that even patient people
are tired. The first recorded prophecy
was that of the Bishop of Hippo, in 3S3
A. D. Since then there have been hun
dreds of dates set. including 1B08. -
Now for tho prophets.
This from L. J. Spangler, grocer and
prophet. Issued on December 23, 1906, and
repeated a year ago:
"Trouble and disaster will beset the
nations of the earth throughout 1907 and
190S, until, at the close of the second year,
the wrath of God will descend upon tho,
earth and it will dissolve.
"At the end of 190S. New York, the
greatest city In the world, will be de
stroyed, followed almost immediately by
the destruction of the world. Boston will
sink. It will require less than an hour
for the destruction of New Tork."
Well, New York Is still here.
It need hardly be mentioned that King
EMward was doomed, as well as the Czar.
They seem still to be on the job.
Prof. Edmund Scribner Stevens content
ed himself with predicting that the whole
aspect of the world would be changed.
Among those doomed were tho Sultan
of Turkey, Emperor Francis Joseph of
Austria, and tho Empress Dowager of
China, all of which was to break tne
peace of Europe. Now, it may be said
that Prof. Stevens is a great prophet; the
Empress of China really did die, she be
ing close onto So years of age. But
what a greater prophet Prof. Stevens
would have been if he had predicted the
death of the Emperor of China, who was
only 40 years old.
Passing on to the Nation's counselor,
who resides in a modest lime house In
Hoboken. Gustav Miiyer, we get a more
moderate prophecy for He hit it
right every time; hats off to Meyer! He
predicted a financial panic it was on at
tho timo he predicted bank failures, rob
beries, riots, strikes, calamities below, on,
and above the earth; loss of life and prop
erty on land and sea, and shipwrecks, all
of which events have duly happened, just
as they did last year and the year before,
and will happen next year and In years to
come.
If Mr. Mayer had counseled the Nation
only thus far he would have won out,
but. unfortunately, he went farther. Pres
ident Roosevelt's life was to be in Jeop
ardy, our regular mortality was to be
tremendously Increased, there were to he
eurlhquakes and great fires, involving
tremendous Iofs of life, and New Tork
was to bear the brunt of the fires.
lie also predicted that there wouldn't
bo any war with Japan. Bully for Mayer!
Not stopping, he went on:
"I fear that the Czar of Russia will be
assassinated during or not later than the
Summer of 1903, and at the same time I
fear that tho Emperor of Germany will
be In grave danger of passing away,
brought about through cancer."
We now come to Zadkiel, who" also pre
dicts. He lives in London and makes his
living by outlining the year for us all by
aid of the sun, moon and stars.
Passing aside all the fires, railway ac
cidents, shipwrecks, race riots, andjabor
troubles predicted all of which we have
regularly, as does every other civilized
nation on earth we come to more defi
nite things. Said Zadkiel, with appro
priate warnings:
"In all the years that 1 have been study
ing the stars their Influence lias never
been more sinister than It is for 1905. The
year will be 'one that will live long in
memory of man. By the middle of Jan
uary, Washington will be greatly worried
over the disloyal attitude of a British
colony, the Intervention of one of the
great European powers In the quarrel,
and the possible necessity for war." '
What was the colony?
And:
"It Is highly probable that. a formid
able foreign fleet will make its appear
ance on the Atlantic coast, and that doubt
as to U purpose will result in a hurried
need of a slight retieshment, all ho ha
to do is to run tho guard line and he II
find a quaint little chalet nestling Jurt
beyond the reservation, that is presided
over by a hospitable member of the Red
Leary O'Brien gang, who keeps a.barrel
ful of a temperance mixture made by
himself from a private prescription out
of wood alcohol and brown, sugar, th?t
will bring results almost instantaneously.
"But I doubt if Congress was ever so
wrought jip as It was hero a few week?
ago, when the President handed out one
of his characteristically phort and con
cise messases in which he stated that
in his humble opinion Congress was op
posed to an increase In the socret ser
vice staff for the tamo reason that the
Humpty Jacksons abhor the Idea or ft
larger police force. There was tremend
ous excitement. It seemed certain thBt
Congress would do something desperate.
It was freely predicted thai Senator Till
man was going to utter a few remarks
that would make "Uhe Last Ravings of
.Tnhn Modilloirh' sound like a vomie child
cutting his milk teeth on a rubber teeth
ing ring, wlille over in the House every
body felt morally certain that tho Jani
tor would have to take down the chande
liers and reinforce the skylight from the
outside when Congressman Oily James
arose to give vent to his sentiments and
tlie sentiments of his outraged and In
dignant colleagues, irrespective of party
ties. In the aroused condition of Con
gress no one could safely foretell what
the next 24 hours would bring forth."
"Wot did the next It hours bring
forth?" asked tho House Detective.
"Well." said the Hotel Clerk, "the Sen
ate met pursuant to adjournment and
dispensed with the reading of the min
utes, and the House omitted the rollcali
and took an adjournment out of respect
for a deceased member from the state of
Florida.
"It's a great system they have down
here at Washington, Larry. A young
member comes up with the Idea that
about tho second day he'll kick the com
mittee on rules In its esteemed bread
basket, and that If L'ticlq Joe Cannon
tries to tnwart him he'll swarm up his
fi-umft tost thrt fume as if Uncle Joe war
a grape trellis. He has a mental picture
of himself climbing Uncle Joe like he
was an extension ladder, and sitting on
the top round with his feet hnuglni:
gracefully over.' Instead of which he's
taken in hand right aw;jy and taught
more different ways of lying dead ami
Jumping over and begging for hones than
tho clown dog in Gentry's troupe of
trained poodles ever li arnen.
"There may have been a time. Larry,
when Congress declared war to the kr.ifo
on somebody or something, but now"
"Now wot?" asked the House tK-iec-tlve.
"But now wo live in the era of the
safety razor," said tho Hotel Clerk
mobilization of American mlliiary anil
naval forces."
No fleet appeared here, but several for
eign ships did slip Into New York Hay
with abrupt notice that the American
naval officers stationed In tho city should
forthwith come aboard-and have all the
champagne they could drink. The Amer
icana took their orders very seriously und
meekly obeyed the belligerent foreigner?.
And the military certainly were mobil
ized. All the regiments in New York and
Brooklyn went to camp as scheduled, and
maneuvered, too. It cost the state' quite
something to pay for the blank ammuni
tion that was fired off at our own men.
The floods for New York for April, as
predicted by Zadkiel, passed the city by.
There was to Iks a strike and the dyna
miting of the Panama Canal, with great
loss of life. Earthquakes In the south
eastern part of the United States were
due for October, es well as strained rela
tions with Japair.
If these things happened, the World
failed to print them. It did print the
fact, however, that the United Slates has
entered Into a peace compact with Japan,
which event none of the prophets fore
saw. The poor Pacific fleet started out rnoft
unauspiciously. It was to be badly bat
tered In a storm, and several of the bat
tleships were to be given up as lost tor
days.
"Only by the narrowest of margins will
Admiral Evans' great fleet finally reach
a harbor In safety." said Zadkiel.
The fleet's great trouble was In getting
away from a harbor in safety, so enthu
siastic were each country's greetings. It
may be added that the rlet is still fleet
ing, though liars. Venus and Jupiter had
it in for every ship.
Professor William Maceabee wont
deeper into detail about those lt devoted
battleshlpe. Said he in sodlacal language:
"At the timo of the departure of t h
United States fleet the zodiacal wien Pie
ces was rising and the evil planets. Mars'
and Saturn, were, in the ascendant, with
Saturn In an anfrle. Thin is eun.'ildered In
astrological jurisprudence a most evil as
pect and foreshadows troublous experi
ence for the fleet. This is particularly
true owing to tha square aspect of tha
sun in tho midheaveu angle to Saturn."
Thereupon Professor Maceabee went in
show how we were going to have troubk
with Japan. He warned us thusly:
"A more unfavorable time than Decem
ber 16, 19W, could not have been chosen
for the departure of the United Stater
warships on their voyage to the Pacihc."
Professor Maceabee predicted a change
of partus at election because of i he itar
at the opening of the polls on November
3, 9?S. Tills is how I. i: proved to nn
mind:
"Tho ascending sisn at this time it
Libra, and the tirst testimony to be noted
Is that Venus, tho lady and the ruler of
this house. Is in tho sign S'H'rpio. -Tl de
grees and W minutes. ' That is to say,
Venus Is going out of one smn. Scorpio,
and EnlnS into another. Sagittarius," ah
of which proved Bryan's election.
Anyway, Professor Maceabee accurate
ly predicted the character of the next
President: "A man of great natural abil
ity, great ambition, regard for the rigliif
of others; a man in whom all tho peopla
will have confidence."
Mme. de. Thebes, tho great French
prophetess, had this to say at the be
ginning of 1905. blaming it ail on the
planet Mercury:
"The year lfcOS will be a mt fatefni
mid disastrous one. for the United Slates
of America. Poor America! She has see':
her best days, and they will never com:
back any more. I see nothing but an
archy, defeat, ruin and bloody defeat fot
lier.
"November will see the inevitable reck
oning between Japan and the United
States. Poor America!"
After this, the death of the German
Emperor, the loss of a vast number ol
warships, the full of Germany, a mob
attacking the Vatican, an uprising of the
hordes of Islam against the Christians
seem trifling. But Mme. de Thebes pte
dieted all this New York World.
T