i
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAN, rORTLAXD, DECEMBER
1908.
WOMi
ggy Jewell Ford.
11
i rT a yi n if :
- J l w . r- I :ser A
yyTJ ?) VA IT
1
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Professor S&orfar M-Ci6e efts of
OH! What about Sadie Sullivan?
Why, didn't you hear about her
belli- on the other elder Sure! Six
or eigne months, and she's been movln'
In the king row. too. Me? Ah, say!
any one wOHld think I'd been burnln'
my ledgers, the way you're workln' the
Ivlns pump act on me! I've been run
nln' the studio, and I ain't been useln"
any ocher pup fund, either.
But I'm wise to what you're drlvin
at .and I expect you might's well have
the whole of that Sir Bertie business.
Fast It. I wan't lookln' for anything
else. When you spring a real candy
girl like Sadie on that foreign bunch,
and let It get noised around that she
has a wad big enough to stuff a mat
tress with, there's bound to be some
excitement among the noble poor.
She hadn't been there a moufh be
fore we begins to get all kind's of re
ports. First it was Lord Alfn'alf,
then It's Baron Hochhelmer. and next
It's Duke Snldeovlu-h. with a few
counts and princes on the side; until
I wouldn't have been much surprised
to hear she was coinln' home wearln'
a double-decked crown and bringin' a
throne chair as excess baggage. What
was I thlnkln all this time? Say. when
It comes to plannin' out what Sadle'll
do. I don't tackle the Job.
"If she's made up her mind to put
her stencil on somethln' of that kind,"
says I, "why. It's hers, that's all. And
If she don't want "em. they'll hear
about it." ' !
Along at the lac of It. though, I'd
kind of lost track of her. and. it be
gun to look as if she'd settled down
over there for good: when one day
lMnckney shows me her name on the
passenger list, and says:
"I suppose you will be down bright
and early to see the steamer come In;
eh. Shorty?"
"Huh!" says I. "Me waltin' at the
dock! For why?"
"But you're anxious to see Sadie
again, aren't you?" says he.
"What gave yon that idea?" says I.
Vh, ho!" says he, and them snappy
Mack eyes of his open wide like he'd
dug up something new.
"Ah. lose It!" says I. "You and
your 'oh. ho's'! Huh!"
But say. Just between us, that was
only a steer. I'll own up I was some
int'rested. Anyway. I takes pains to
be posted on when the boat's sighted
off Sandy Hook, when she's due at the
pier and about the time Sadie would be
apt to be tripptn' down the gangplank.
"Chee!" says Swlfty Joe, after I'd
phoned for the fourth time, "you must
he expeetln' some one special on that
boat, or is It a bluff T'
"One of them guesses is right.
Swlfty," says I.
But I takes It all out In usln" the
wire, stlckln close to the shop all day
and lettln' on to myself that I didn't
care where she was or how she looks.
Then comes that stuff In the evenln'
papers tellln" about this Sir Bertie Ent
wlstle, who's come over In the same
ship.
Seems he was a good deal of a whale.
Sir Eertle was. Not that he's ever
done anything special for himself; but
he's had the right kind of grandfathers,
and has always been mixed up with the
swell push, it belli Walesy and Eddie
with him, whenever the doors was shut
and the wrapper yanked olt a fresh
deck. And all that goes to make him
the one best bet, so far as the dinner
party push goes. The paper says he
was met at Quarantine with a bushel
basket of invites, and they figure out
that if he takes 'em all on. one after
the other, he could get free board oil
Fifth-are. for a year.
They'd tried to stand Sir. Bertie up
for a talk and get him to give his
WITH SUNDRY TWTiSTJ NOT
COMPLIMENTARY TO TH IJ
LAND
i ELI I see Divine Right has
been getting another brutal
shove In the epiglottis," said
the Hotel Clerk.
"Where 'bouts did the latest out
rage take place?" asked the House
Ietective.
"This time It's China." said the Hotel
Clerk. The new emperor don't want
to keep his Job and his devoted peo
ple don't want him to keep1 it either.
He sits there in the Forbidden City,
living on hard-boiled eggs, and break
ing the shells himself Just to dis
courage any near relatives who might
be moved to slip a little crushed glass
or roach powder Into his breakfast
food, with nothing to do but let his
fingernails grow and worship his an
cestors. He can throw a lot of soul
Into the ancestor part too, because he's
liable any day to be one. And on the
outside Is the populace uttering growl
ing sounds off-stage like a Dave Be
lasco mob and threatening to come
right In without stopping to ring or
wipe their feet or anything, and wreck
the works because nobody asked their
advice about filling the vacancy that
occurred owing to the Dowager Em
press, a lady called Tidy Ann for short,
and the other Emperor, whose name
sounded like the finish of a college
yell, having partaken heartily of pie
that hadn't been properly analyzed by
the court chemist before serving.
And Just the week or tfo back it
was Kaiser Wllbelm that was taken
with severe cramps and sinking sen
sations in "he neighborhood of his
Divine Rights. As long as he -had
been satisfied to ride around on a
horse, dressed up In a reteran fire
man's helmet, and a waahboiler over
his chest, with his mustaches all coiled
ready to strike, and his eyes flashing
fire, the Kaiser was a grand piece of
work and hla loyal subjects were
views on New York as It looked from
the saloon deck opopsite Fort Wads
worth; but Bertie has ducked, so they
fills out the column describin' the two
stunnln' American beauts that was
helpin' him hold up the rail. And say.
the minute I reads about the one with
the copper red hair and the Irish blue
eyes. I don't need to see any halftone
to know It was Sadie.
"The other may be a peach, too.
thinks I: "but I'll bet she don t stand
one-two-alx it Sadie Sullivan's got her
line out."
Which don't mean that I'm feelln
gay about it. I'd been hopin' she'd
left all that truck on the far side of
the water. This brlngln' one over with
her. though, kind of put frost on the
dahlias, and I guess I wa'n't none too
cheerful. It was when I was right
in the middle of my grouch that I'm
rung up by Mrs. Purdy Pell. Now I
want to mark It up that she means well
most ot the time. Mrs. Purdy Pell does;
and the way she puts It to me about
my bein' down on the.list for a little wel
come home dinner she was glvin' that
night was on the level.
"Of course." says she. "you are one
of Sadie's old friends, and I wouldn't
think qf leaving you out: but
"Sure!" savs I. "I'm much obliged
too. And It's too bad. ain't rt, that me
havln' a date with my Sunday school
class may make me hand In the re
grets?" "So sorry," says she. "Sir Bertie
Entwlstie Is to be with us. you know.
But Tou'll conie If vou can?"
'Don't let the soup get cold waitin"
for me, though, says I.
And with that I rubs the whole pro
eeedln' oft the slate. Sadie and me
had been good friends for quite some
time, and we'd thought more or less
well of each other, even after she got
to travelin' high; but I didn't have to
figure long to see that If she'd entered
herself for the Sir Bertie sweepstakes
there wa'n't any use in me hangln"
over the fence. It was me for the
background, lookln' as pleasant as I
knew how. You couldn't blame Sadie,
could you? I didn't. Never could find
much fault with her programme, any
way. Just by way of keepln my courage
up. though. I plans out a little solitaire
celebration of mv own. I goes the
limit, too. lneludin' evenln' clothes.
callin' a cab, and ordorin dinner at the
swellest Joint on Broadway. That's
where I was. under the pink candle
shade, guessin at which fork came
next, and havln an expensive and
lonesome time of it, when I looks up
and sees Pinckney makln' for me In
tow of the head waiter. I could ac
count for how he'd happened to locate
me, as I'd left word at home; but why
he wa'n't at the Purdy Pells with the
rest of the bunch was a puzzler. He
don't give me a chance to ask. cither.
"Well, yaiue a nice one. Shorty:
says he.
"There's times when I almost believe
It myself." says I. "and then again "
"Why aren't you at Mrs. Purdy Pell s
dinner?" says he. .
"Maybe my reason's as good as
yours." says I.
"Nonsense! says he. "Tell me This,
though: you were asked, weren't you?"
"How. foolish: says I. Sure:
"And you knew it was for Sadie?"
he goes on.
"She mentioned that, too, says I I
guess I Bint bein much missed,
though."
Well," says he. "you have guessed
wrong, and by acting the chump you've
stirred up all kinds of a row. Sadie
thinks you were left out, and Insists
that If you had been Invited you would
be thire; and Mrs. Purdy Pell wants to
know If her word Is doubted and "
"Hold on." says I. "Let's get this
straight. Has Sadie sent out a call
for me?"
"I'm the messenger," says Pinckney.
"Then you win,- says I. "Hey.gar
soon. l'addish-on the check the bill
of damages and shake It up, or your
dollar tlp'll look like a lead quarter.
Come on, Pinckney!"
I had sawed off the food list Just
before the woodcock, and I finds
Pinckney has quit at the roast; but
neither of us was klckln' on that ac- '
strong for him. They even let him
paint oil portraits and write German
operas, which Is a very serious under
, taking, and sail war vessels because
business was going along about as
usual and his Imperial majesty sup
plied a touch of color around the
premises that was equal to a totem
pole. But one morning the Kaiser
found the First Lord of the Bed Cham
ber had laid out a frock boat Instead
of a uniform for him and as soon as
he put it on he decided to embark In
the state craft line. So he called up
an English journalist who put on his
spats and his high hat and hurried
over to Potsdam and the Emperor pro
ceeded to tell him in detail what bis
Intentions regarding destiny and
providence would be during the com
ing Winter and ensuing Spring. But
I guess maybe the Kaiser's breakfast
didn't agree with him that morning.
Anyway he passed out a line of con
versation that began to coagulate as soon
as it struck the open air.
"And when the Emperor got back a few
days later from a hunting trip In the
Tyrols. after the wild daschund. the sav
age roll-mop, the ferocious Swltzer Kase
and other denizens of the wild, he found
the doctrine of Divine Rights draped over
the back fence, while a lot of husky
chaps were standing around shaking the
dust of ages out of it the same as If
they'd been beating a carpet- The Kaiser
naturally started to voice his royal In
dignation, but when he'd talked only a
few minutes and was some distance from
the verb, the crowd closed in on him and
tho Chancellor took his Imperial Majesty
by his imperial goozie and turned off the
flow.
"It was an awful shock to the Kaiser.
You might Imagine , a v lot of strange
things a canary bird being sassy to a
cat. or Nat Goodwin without another
wife, or Jake Riis speaking sharply of
count It was havin' the hansom
Jammed in a cross-town block that gets
us wrathy. It puts our schedule on the
SADIE
fritz: so when we fln'lly does show up
at Mrs. Purdy Pell's it's all over but
the coffee, and that's bein' passed
around In the front rooms, where the
4
men
can hit up the pantelas and cork
tips.
the habits and customs of President
Roosevelt, but you couldn't Imagine any
thing like the feelings that came over
the Kaiser. Nothing like it had ever
happened in tho Kaiserlne business be
fore. It was an altogether-agalnst-prece-dent.
He couldn't understand it, so, in
their gentle German way they took a
maul and drove the information Into him
that, while he might still be the regular
official German Emperor when there was
an army review or a parade of the
Knights of Pythias, or a brewery unveil
ing, or something of that ort on, yet
when It came to running the real show lie
whs merely an Innocent bystander named
William . J. Hohenzollem, with a seat In
the royal box and the lid on the box and
the hasp over the staple and the bung
hole completely bunged by one of the
best .bungsters In the business, the name
being Von BuloW.
"It certainly was a hard blow for Dl
vlna Rights. With the exception of Rus
sia and our own beloved Tilted States, I
don't know of any civilized country where
Divine Rights can feel at home any
more, now that Germany has handed out
the grand slam."
"Did you say the United States? said
the House Detective, puzzled.
"Sure," said the Hotel Clerk.
"We've mighty near got the Divine
Rights market cornered In this coun
try. Over on the other side only one
family at a time has been entitled to
hold the Divine Rights concession; but
here, among us, just look bow many
there are that enjoy It- Let's see
there's policemen and hired girls and
streetcar conductors and Southern
gentlemen who don't like what some
editor wrote abouc them in the paper,
and criminal lawyers who are cross
examining scared witnesses, large cor
porations and captains of industry, and
head waiters and others too numerous
to mention.
"Now in England they have Divine
CLELMOi B
fiis nusid&s
i Now all the way up I'd been gettin"
chesty over the way things has turned
I out, and when Flnckney leaves me
THROWS 18 THE KNOWI' WIN K AS SHE
while he goes to make his report, I
braces myself to stand the shock of
havln' some one fall on my neck right
there in public. It looked like some-
""j-
thing of the kind was due, didn't it? I
was in demaTid, wa'n't I? Hadn't Sadie
Rights, but they've kept It In a safe
in the British museum. 1 Anybody
that's suffering from a fret-edge
grouch against the King and the gov
ernment can go to Hyde Park of a
Sunday afternoon and climb up on a
box which has contained Yarmouth
bloaters or other staple articles of diet
and call his revered sovereign names
until he's so exhausted that he's
hardly strength enough left to stagger
home for his crumpets and dish of
tea. But you go out into the middle
of any important street In this town
where the copper is conducting the
course of traffic in the kind, fore
bearing, patient way common to cops,
and you address a few words of per
sonal nature to him and then be sure
to get the ambulance surgeon to stop
here on the way back with you so as
to let you whisper through the tem
porary bandages and tell me what
happened to you and how long you
think you'll be in the hospital.
"On the other side you call your
servant girl by her last name, such as
Meadows or Fleming or Brlggs, and In
return she stoops and gives you a
curtsey. Call a North American hired
girl by her last name in a peremptory
tone' ,'of voice, and will she stoop
down? She will that. But she won't
come up with courtesy. She'll come up
with a flat Iron or a rolling pin or
something handy like that, and before
she gets through working on you,
there'll be so many new symbols and
outward marks of the theory of Divine
Rights Imprinted on your dome of
thought that your head will look like
a peck of Winter turnlps.
"W'hy, Larry, when you come to take
a complete census. Divine Rights appears
to be mighty near the commonest thing
e've got. There s one set of Divine
Rights that entitles the man at the In
formation bureau in a large railroad sta
A.--- u .r. ..... ...
x-w
I
w mm j. cam
iit foc&iing
i raised a row because she nought I d
been handed a blue ticket? Well, well!
I backs up into a corner, under a date
J
GOES BY.
palm growln' out of a thousand-dollar
Jap vase, and tries to look unsus
pectin'. And sure enough. Inside of a couple
of minutes, here comes Sadie herself,
plkln' straight at me, with her flnser
held up and her lips pouted out like
she was goin' to say, "Naughty,
naughty!" Gee! but she was lookln'
like a winner, too! She's wearln' one
of them tomato bisque tinted Paquin
dreams, such as the Custom House
sleuths look for in trunk bottoms, and
she's had the latest archlteeturln' done
to that copper hair: and you could see by
her arms she'd taken on 10 or 12
pounds Just enough to balance ripht
while she's been gone -but she's the
old Sadie, Just the same.
"Now, aren't you ashamed of your
self. Shorty McCabe?" says she,
reachln' out both hands and gettin' a
grip on mine.
"I'm worse'n that. Sadie," says I. as
we strikes the London-bridge-is-fallin'-down
pose.
"Well," says she, "what's the an
swer?" ,
"You'll never get It from me." says I;
"for now I've had a look at you. It don't
seem any more sensible than a bad
dream. Gee! but you're all right. Sadie!"
"Blarney!" says she, tearin' off one of
them laughs of hers and givin' me the
finger squeeze, until if seems all the
chandeliers has been turned on at once.
Well, we was right in the midst of a
two-sided game of Jolly, when out from
the other side of the palm strps a big.
good-figured, rich-tinted girl, with a red
rose in her black hair. ' She's all got up
in white silk, quiet and modest appearin",
one of the kind that looks good enough
to eat. She wa'n't lookln' happy, though.
It was easy to guess she wa'n't bltin' her
upper lip because she thought It tasted
good, and she has her chin down like
she was bein' sent home from school.
"Why Peggy Hubbard!" says Sadie,
grabbin' her. "Where have you been
hiding ever since dinner?"
"Right there," says Peggy, polntin to
a seat behind the vase, "Just where I
was left stranded."
"What!" says Sadie. "You don't mean
that he"
"Perhaps he forgot." says Peggy. "He
went straight off with a Mrs. Brltton
Bailey and "
"Oh. her!" says Sadie, the curve
straightenin' out of her mouth, and red
spots fiushin' up under her eyes. Then
tion not to know anything but insulting
Temarks. and another that permits a
criminal lawyer, whose only office ad
dress Is the number on his hat, to back
THB first ministers who came to New
England were all scholarly men,
some of them men of fine mental
acquirements. And in. later years tiie
standard of education was high among
the men who preached in Puritan pUlpits.
Yet their sermons do not show great or
iginality of thought or power or literary
charm. I have looked over scores of
them, writes Alice Morse. Earle in the
Sunday School Times, and ever with a
sense of disappointment.
In one interesting and important detail,
however, great originality was shown in
the choice of texts. The preacher did not
hesitate td place parts of sentences and
even of words into a text to suit any oc
casion or event. . And most unexpected
and unusual things were referred to in
these texts.
Not only did the minister openly give
out a text dealing with his own wedding
or some other of prominence in the par
ish, and a mourning widower revealed his
grief by his text to his congregation, but
a bereft parson, overcome by his loneli
ness, would display through his choice of
text his evident intent to wed again. In
one such case the eyes and thoughts of
the whole congregation were turned to the
deacon's daughter, who by a text con
taining her name was directly placed be
fore the church as a possible candidate.
"Barkis is willing" was expressed In bib
lieal terms as a tentative approach.
Local events In the tow:n were referred
to and matters of public interest. .The
purchase of a new house, the gathering of
a good crop of wheat, a poor harvest, a
desire for replenishing of clerical purse
and larder, a hope of a gift of books, a
sneer at an inferior public teacher, a dis
orderly disturbance of the puolic peace, a
dread of an epidemic of disease all these
THE OLD NEW ENGLAND PREACHER
she takes a quick look around the
room. "Peggy. I want you to know
Mr. McCabe. Wait here until I "
"But I I want to go home," says
Peggy.
"Silly!" says Sadie. "I sha'n't let
you, that's all! Shorty, you see that
she doesn't. I'll bo back soon." Then
siie's off.
Well, I looks at Miss Hubbard and
she looks at me.
Miss Peggy don't act like she was
real tuned up for conversation Just
then: but she manages to say that she
and Sadie got chummy comin' over on
the steamer, that she don't know hard
ly any one In New York, and that she
wishes) she had stayed right in her
hotel with mommer. instead of coming
out among a lot of stiff strangers.
"Live in Chicago, eh : ' says I.
"Chicago!" says she. "Certainly
not!"
"Whew!" says T. "I might have
known it was Denver.
Hut this only brings her chin up a
little more, so I declares the class in
geography adjourned. What I wanted
to do was to soothe her down and
make her feel comfortable; for it was
as clear as day she was some outsider
that Sadie had rung In on this swell
dinner party, and that she'd been up
against the cold. . glassy gaze., You
know how them folks can do it. Even
if she hadn't been a friend of Sadie's
I'd been sorry for her: for there was
no Uenyin' that in the brunette class
she was a star, and a nice, well-be-,
liaved girl at that.
Somehow, though, I didn't make any
great headway. After my second or
third crack she gives me the three
quarters view of her right shoulder
and goes on bitin' her lip. We must
have looked about as Joyous and
cheery as a pair of plaster Images on
the mantel. Once Pinckney floats by
with some lady friend on his arm, and
wants to know if everything is all
right.
"Oil. lovely!" says I. "I couldn't be
enjoyin' myself more If I was tongue
tied." I takes it as a kind of a Joke for the
first iive or ten minutes: but after
we've stood there like dummies for
half an hour, with tho whole push
gassin' and laughin' and carryin' on
sociable all around us. now and then
throwin' us a look as if we was curios
in a case, it wa'n't quite so funny. I
was gettin' to feel like a plain clothes
man guawlin the weddin' presents. It
would have been some better if I could
have talked matters over with Miss
Hubbard and found out what we was
on the siding for; but all she does is
get glummer by the minute. Course,
I knew Sadie wa'n't one to put up a
job on us like that, and that she must
have something or other on hand that
has to he attended to.
Just where this Mrs. Bailey comes in
I can't figure out. You know tho
kind of a tnp-notcher Mrs. Britton
Bailey Is? She's it, or nothing, and
when she can't have her swing there's
apt to be all sorts of a rumpus. Maybe
you've heard of her run-in with Mrs.
Astor over that Prince? Well, Just as
I was lookln' around and wonderin"
what was keepin Sadie, who should
show up but the two of' 'em, one on
either side of a long-geared, lantern
jawed freak that looked about as
much awake as if he'd been walkin' In
his sleep. He has on a pair of shell
rimmed eyeglasses rims about half
an inch thick, and big. round panes
that gives him the look of a sick owl.
But this Mrs. Brltton Bailey .'was
wide enough awake. She was pumpin'
hot air at the freak like she was a
blast furnace, while Sadie don't seem
to be doin' much but drag down his el
bow. I notice the other folks starin'
at 'em. and all of a sudden I guesses
who he is.
"Say." says T. nudgin Peggy, "Is the
lengthy party this Sir Bertie I've heard
so much about?"
She says he is, and as the three of
'em was circlin' our way I stands ready
to be relieved of guard duty. But
hanged If they don t sail past within
three feet of us, without so much as
a look.
"Well, wouldn't that molt the bird
on Nellie's hat!" says I. "Are we-per-manent
decorations here, or what?"
If Peggy had any views on the sub
ject thev must have been too strong
for publication. All she c"oei is get a
new hold on her lip and watch 'em
E
1
a timid citizen into the deadly clutches
of a witness chair and shake his finger
in his face and tell him he's nine differ
ent kinds of a liar while a learned Judge
sits by Just waiting for the victim to
talk back so he can send him to jail for
contempt of court; and another that
gives a large wealthy corporation the
power to do things that an individual
couldn't do without being sent to the
electric chair for it, and another that al
lows a car conductor to step - on your
feet and hand you a Canadian dime and
a zinc tobacco tag as change for a quar
ts and then throw fou off on your futile
head if you kick, and another that allows
have I found preached at by the parson's
text. The profound knowledge of the Bi
ble, which was the dower both of clergy
and laity, made this choice of unusual
texts far easier than might at first ap
pear. The universal enstom of exresslve rum
drinking is. I think, the sadda5t fact in
the history of New England and of all
the Colonies. Though the horrible effects
were visible on every side, there was but
occasional and slight protest from the
pulpit. I have seen in Cotton Mather's
own handwriting an earnest .protest
against the "Incentives to excessive
drinking," but even this far-seeing re
former made slight attempt at reform.
While the New England minister had no
thought of any impropriety in the use of
rum, he had great unhappiness over to
bacco smoking. One diary I read was pa
thetic indeed in its records that the cler
ical writer "abounded In tobacco," and he
sought the Scriptures for advice and help
and found there what he deemed an abso
lute command to abandon its use.
In general the ministers dressed and
bore themselves with great decorum and
regard for clerical dignity: but occasion
ally some blunt or heedless minister would
shock his parishioners. For it mattered
not how plain was the congregation, it
demanded dignity in Its minister. One
minister lost his parish after years of use
fulness by going Into the pulpit on a hot
July Sabbath clad in a calico loose gown
or banyan a garment worn by merchants
in their counting houses and even by
gentlemen visiting ladies, but unbearable
in a pulpit
Another was so careless of hi ap
pearance tand. worse still, his wife was
so careless of ills appearance) that
Sunday after Sunday he walked Into
his pulpit with vast holes in his hose.
float along. I was gettin' a little sore
myself, for it seems my first frame-up of
the situation was nearer tho mark
than the last. It looked like Sir Ber
tie was right bower and joker, and I
was a trey in the discard.
And then Sadie does a quick turn
with her head, throwin' us the knnwin'
wink. A minute more and the proces
sion has swung back our way, and the
next thing we know they're lined up
before us. Sadie seems to have dis
covered Peggy all at once.
"Why, there you are, aren't you?"
says she. "Sir Bertie's been lookln'
everywhere. Oh Mrs. Brltton Bailey,
Miss Hubbard. Now, Sir - Bertie, t
suppose we mustn't plan a thing for
you until you and Peggy liavo settled
about that houso party. Well, get to
gether and be good."
' Say, I'd known Sadie long enough
to have an inside view of her little
plan of campaign without havln' any
one explain the map. First she does
some fine feint and footwork, until sho
gets the Bailey person with her guard
wide open, and then she lands with
both mitts. And it was plain ttiis Miss
Jeggy proposition was a new one 1o
Mrs. Britton Bailey. Sfie's some
jarred; but bein' an old hand at thu
game, she recovers quick.
"I'm sure Miss Hubbard Is not going
to claim Sir Bertie for next week'.'"
says she.
Has Peggy been gettin' her mad up
for an hour for nothing? Well, hard
ly. "Only from Saturday on." snys
she. "You'll promise to lie there by
Saturday, won't you. Sir Bertie?"
"Oh, charmed!" says lie, blinkln'
through the round panes. "Ton
honor. I'll run out for Saturday, Miss
Peggy."
I thinks it's somewhere in the or
anges, or maybe out to White Plains,
that he's scheduled for, Mrs. Bailey
must have had the same thoucrht.
"And where is it that Miss Hubbard
lives, Sir Bertie?" she cooes.
"Why aw er " Say, Kertlo was
up against it. He looks as blank as
if she'd asked him what time the sun
was due to rise in the niornin'. But
Peggy is there with the information.
"My homo 13 in Spokane, Washinc
ton," says she. lookin' her square be
tween the eyes.
"What! Spokano! Well, of all the
Impudence!"
Say, 1 never see any one get up a
turkey red color quite so quick as
Mrs, Brltton Bailey does then. For a
second or so she looks all kinds of cut
lery at tho State of Washington girl,
and then she turns one of the same
kind on Sadie. "Humph!" says sli'.
"Spokane! Sir Bertie, 1 wish you joy
ot your trip to tho backwoods. Yon
had better have your trunks packed
tonight." With that sho does the heel
pivot, tosses her head nnd marches off.
"My word!" says Sir Bertie, catoliin'
his breath.
He's no quitter, though, ami when
he finds he's billed for a live days'
railroad trip he never so much asi
squeals. I guess ho was some inter
ested, all right; for when we leaves
him and Peggy was makin" up for lost
time; and by the way lie whs beatoin'
on her you'd thought he suspected sho
was good to look at.
As for me and Sadie, we hunts out
a quiet corner and lias a reunion all on
our own hook. She tells me how tho
Hubbards own half the state out there,
and what a real nice girl Peg.?y is, and
how Sir Bertie came all the way urrn-s
just to walk the deck with her. Also
she shows how the Bailey party, who's
always lookin" for a new exhibit, cmuo
near spoilin' it all.
"But I do hope." says Sadie, "that
she will let them alone now."
"You sure fixed that." says I.
"You've got her climbln the pole."
She grins and lets It go at tlial.
wantln' to know all about everybody
and what's happened to 'em since she's
been gone. But still I has something
on my mind that won't let me rest easy
until I've worked it off. And tho lirst
thing I know I've let it out.
"Say, Sadie." says I. "do you know
what was my first; guess about this
Sir Bertie?"
"I do." says she, glvin' mo one of
them straight, level looks that I never
knows what to make of, "and it was
the silliest tiling I ever knew you to
think."
Now, was that a josh? Tf It wa'n't,
how did sho come to get next?
a feeble-minded old lady to leave her es
tate to a Home for Indigent Poll Parrols
when she had several hundred hungry
relatives only about one jump ahead of
the Overseer of the Toor, and another
that "
"Aw, chop out that stuff." said tho
House Deetctive. "Tills is a free country,
ain't it?"
"The freest I ever saw." said the Hotel
Clerk, "and some of us are getting freer
with the rest of us every day."
"Do you sure enough think there's any
body that's entitled to claim a Divino
Risiit?" asked the House Detective.
"Yes." said the Hotel Clerk. "Baltllrg
Nelson. And in addition to a divine risiit.
Bat's alfco got a magnificent left."
fully displayed, of course, by the kne
breeches which were the custom or the
day. This, too, cost him his parish.
Another would seat himself during tho
singing of the psalm (a groat scandal)
and twice fell asleep and had to bo
awakened by a scandalized deacon.
Another so annoyed his church folk
by "preaching at" .individuals that lie
could not be endured. Many showed
unchristian anger and uncleiical spill
over the introduction of organs, of
stoves, of new hymn books, of Sunday
schools but let us forgive them, for
these were faults of overzeal, not of
lukewarinncss. Curiously e n o u g li .
though I find records of sermons three
hours long and prayers one hour long,
the only reference I ever have found
in church records or letters as to tlp
length of church services was in the.
form of-grave doubts as to the true
Christian spirit, which would shorten
the time in church. A short prayer or
sermon was distasteful to all church
goers was held to be disrespectful.
When the bas relief of Jonathan Ed
wards was made eight years ago for
the Northampton Church, great anxiety
was felt as to tho propriety of rtrc
senting the great preacher in clerical
robe and bands. But fortunately a
portrait of him thus attired is in
existence, and he could be depicted
In that dress. Great discussion has
been held us to whether the Congrega
tional ministers in New England
preached in con volitional clerical gown
or surplice or In everyday attire. The
first preachers wore the German gown,
but I am sure that soon it was dis
continued in many churches; and yet
little direct evidence exists to show
when it was abolished and why, and
when robes were again assumed.
i
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