THE SUNDAY OREGONIAX, PORTLAND, JTTLY o, 1908.
THe appetite for the social life of
London grows with what it feeds
on. Although at first indisposed
to be lured into the Social Vortex, I
found It possessed a centripetal force
which drew me steadily toward its
whizzing center.
Nor was it long before I became as
avid as any Londoner to pursue the
bewildering course known as "going
on."
There is a cumulative delight In
whisking from tea to tea, and no two
teas are ever alike.
It pleased me greatly to classify and
rote the difference in London teas.
In New York all teas are alike in
quality the, only difference being in
quantity. But In London one tea dif
foreth from another, not only in glory,
but in size, shape and color.
Yet all are enjoyable to one who
understands going on. If the tea be of
the Glacial Period, there is no occasion
to exert your entortatning power. Sim
ply assume an expression of bored
superiority, and move about with a
few murmured incoherent, and not
necessarily rational words.
There Is a very amusing story, which
1 used to think an impossible exag
geration, but which I now believe to
be true.
Thus runs the tale: A guest at an
afternoon tea, when spoken to by any
one, invariably replied, '"I was found
df'ad In my bed this morning." As the
responses to this were always,
"Really?" or "Charmed, I'm sure," or
'Only fancyl" it is safe to assume that
the remark was unhpard or unheeded.
But this state of things Is not cer
tainly unpleasant, or to be condemned.
One dpes not go to a tea to improve
one's mind, or to acquire valuable in
formation. The remarks that are made
are quite as satisfactory unheard as
heard. We are not pining to be told
the state of the weather; we deduce
our friend's good health from the fact
of his presence; and it is therefore de
lightful to be left, unhampered, to
pursue our own thoughts and, if so
minded, to make to ourselves our own
analytic observations on the scene be
fore u.
Again, if the tea be of the re
sponsive variety, and you are sup
posed to chat and be chatted to, then
is joy indeed in' store for you for
when Londoners do talk, they talk
wonderfully welt.
I went one afternoon to a tea given
PROFESSOR,
AS a general thing I don't go much
on looks, but I will say that I've
seen handsomer specimens than
Kosslter. He's got good height and
plenty of reach, with legs branchln' out
Just under his armpits you know how
them clothespin fellers are built but
ilien you finish out the combination
with pop eyes and a couple of overhang
in' front teeth well, what's the use?
Rossy don't travel on his shape. He don't
have to. with popper bopsin' a couple of
trunk lines.
Whin ha first begun comln" to the
studio I sized him up for a soft boiled,
and wondered how he could stray around
town alone without liavln' bis shel'I
cracked. Took nie sometime, too, be
fore I fell to the fact that Rosfcy was
wiser'n he looked; but at that he wa'n't
no knowledse trust.
Just bein' good-natured was Itosry's
long suit. Course, ne couldn't help grin
nin'; his mouth is cut that way. There
wa'n't. any mlstakin" the look tn them
wide-set eyes of his, though. That was
the real article, the genuine I'll stand
for anything kind. Say, you could spring
any sort of a Josh on Rossy, and he
wouldn't squeal. He was one of your
shy violets, too. Mostly he played a '
thinkln' part, and when he did talk ho
didn't say much. After you got to know
him real well, though, and was used to
the way he looked, you couldn't help
likin' Rossiter. I'd had both him and
the old man as reg'lars for two or three
months, and it's natural I was more or
loss! chummy with them.
So when Rossy shows up here the other
n.ornhr and shoves out his proposition
to me, 1 don't think nothin' of It.
"Shorty," says he, kind of flushin' up,
"I've got a favor to ask of you."
"You're welcome to use all I've got
in the bank," says I.
"It Isn't money." says he, grrowin"
pinker.
"Oh!" says I, like I was a lot sur
prised. "Your usln' the touch preamble
made me think it was. What's the go?"
"1 I can't tell you Just now." says be;
"but I'd like your assistance in a little
affair about 8 o'clock this evening.
Where can I find you?"
"Sounds mysterious," says I. "You
ain't go!n' up against any Canfield game,
are you?"
"That's enough." says I, and I names
the particular spot I'll be decoratui at
that hour.
"You won't fail?" says he. anxious.
"Not unless an ambulance gets me,"
Fays I.
Well. I didn't go around battin' my
head all the rest of the day. tryin' to
think out what it was Rossiter had on
the card. Somehow he ain't the kind
you'd look for any hot stunts from. If
I'd made a guess, maybe Id said he
wanted me to take him and a college
i lium down to a chop suey Joint for an
orgy on lichi nuts an' weak tea.
So I wasn't fidget in" any that evenln".
as I lioUIs up the corner of Forty-second
st-eet. passin' the time of day with the
rounds and watehin the Harlem folks
streak by to the roof gardens. Right on
the liek a ha isom fetches up at the curb
and I sets Rossiter givin' me tha wig
wag to jump in.
"You're runnin' on sked." says I.
"Where to now?"
"I think your studio would be the best
place." says he. "if you don't mind"
I said I didn't, and away we goes
around the corner. As we does the turn
I sees another cab make a wild dash to
get In front, and, takin' a peek through
the back window, I spots a second one
followin
"Are we a part of a procession?" says
I, polntin "em out to him.
He only grins and looks kind of sheep
ish. "That s the regular thing nowa
days.'" says he.
"What! Tin badgers?" says I.
He nods. "They made me rather nerv
ous at first." lie says; "but after I'd
been shadowed for a week or so I got
used to it, and lately I've got so I would
for me by a well-known London novel
ist. The host, beside being an Eng
lishman of the most charming type,
and a clever writer, was of a genial,
happy nature, which seemed to imbue
the whole affair with a cosy gaiety.
Though not a large tea. many liter
ary celebrities were present, and each
gave willingly of his best mentality
to grace the occasion.
Now, nothing is more truly delight
ful than the informal chatter of good
natured, quick-witted literary people.
Their true sense of values, their quick
sense of humor, their receptiveness,
their responsiveness, and their Instan
taneous perception, combine to bring
forth conversation like the words of
which Beaumont wrote:
So nimble, and so full of subtle flame.
As if that every cne from whom they came
Had meant to put his whole wit In a Jest,
And had resolved to live a fool the rest
Of his dull life . . . Wit that might
warrant be
For the whole city to talk foolishly
Till that were cancelled.
Nor are teas of this sort rare or ex
ceptional. Given the entree to London's literary
circles, occasions abound for meeting
with these companions who do con
verse and waste the time together.
To my great regret, this is not to
be said of America. A literary tea in
New York means a lot of people, some,
perhaps, bookishly inclined, invited to
meet a celebrity of letters.
The celebrity comes late, sometimes
not at all, and he or she is 6ften en
veloped tn a sort of belligerent shyness
which does not make for coherent con
versation of any sort. Moreover,
Americans do not know how to give a
tea. We are learning, but we conduct
our teas In an amateurish, self-conscious
way, and with a brave endur
ance born of our National do-or-die
principles.
But to return to my going ons
(which must by no means be con
founded with goings-on).
From my literary tea, I went to a
musical tea. This is distinctly a Lon
don function, and the music, while of
the best, acts as a soaking wet Oster
moor laid on the feebly-burning vi
vacity of the occasion. The young
girl sings, the long-haired gentleman
plays a violin, the lady in the Greek
gown plays the harp, and the guests
arrive continuously, and escape as
soon as possible.
But, like Kipling's lovable tramp, I
"liked it all," and stood tranquilly
holding my teacup, while I studied
the Tussaud effects all about mc.
Then, as it was Fourth of July, I
betook myself to the reception at
Dorchester House.
This is a most admirable institution.
Rossiter
SHORTY MS CABEV ADVENTURE WITH TWO PRIVATE: DETECTIVES AND AN ELOPEMENT
feel lost without them. Tonight, though,
they're rather a nuisance. 1 thought you
might help me throw them off the track."
"But who set 'em on?1' says I.
"Oh, it's father, I suppose." says he;
not grouchy, mind you, but kind of tired.
"Why, Rossy!" says I, "I didn't think
you was the sort that called for P. D.
reports."
v. v j v -Jii -vt' Lit? 5 i
":fe5fesS Wit -
"I SET 'EM FACE TO FACE."
"I'm not," says he. "That's just
father's way, you know. When he sus
pects anything: is going: on that he hasn't
been told about. He runs his business
that way has a big: fcrce looking into
things all the time. And maybe some
of them wern't busy; so he told them to
look after me."
Well, say! I've heard some tough things
about the old man, but I never thought
hed carry a thing that far. Why. thre
ain't any more sportin blood In Rossiter
than you'd look for in a ribbon clerk.
Outside of the little ladylike boxin that
he doe? wfth me. as a liver regulator,
the most excitin fad of his I ever heard
of was colleetin picture postals.
Now, I generally tights shy of mixin'
up in fam'ly affairs, but someway or
other I just ached to take a hand in
this. "Rossy," says Ir "you're dead
anxious to hand the lemon to 4hem two
sleut'9. are you?"
He said he was.
"And your game's all on the straight
aft?r that, is it?" I says.
" Pon my honor, it is." says he.
"Then count me In says I. 'I ain't
never had any love fur them sncai. tie-
I mean the reception, not the house,
though the statement really applies to
both.
But It Is a fine thing to celebrate
our Independence day In London. There
Is an incongruity about It that lends
an added charm to what is in itself a
stupendouslj- beautiful affair.
Dorchester House, one of the finest
residences in London, Is now the home
of our own Ambassador, and is thrown
open for a great reception on the after
noon of every Fourth of July.
As my hansom took its place in the
long line of waiting carriages I glanced
up at the noble old stone mansion, and
was thrilled with a new sort of pa
triotism when I saw our own Stars and
Stripes wave grandly out against the
blue English sky. Our flag at home
is a blessed, matter-of-fact affair: but
our flag proudly topping our Embassy
in another land is a thrilling proposi
tion, and I suddenly realized the apt
ness of the homely old phrase "so gal
lantly streaming."
Chiding myself for what I called
purely emotional patriotism (but still
quivering with it), I entered the mar
tectives, and here's where I gives "em a
whirl."
But say, they're a slippery bunch. They
must have known just where he was
headln", for by the time we lands on
the sidewalk in front of the physical cul
ture parlors the man in the leadin' cab
has jumped out and faded.
"He will be watching on the floor
above, says Rossiter, "and the other
one will stay below."
"That's the way they work it. eh?"
says I. "Good! Come on in without
lookin' aropnd or lettin 'em know you're
on."
We goes up to the second floor and
turns on the glim in the front office.
Then I puts on a pair of gym. shoes,
opens the door easy and tiptoes down
the stairs. He was just where I thought
he'd be. coverin up in the shade of tha
vestibule.
"Caught with the goods on!" says I,
reachln out and gettln' a good grip on
his1 neck. "No. you don't! No gun play
In this!" and I gives his wrist a crack
with my knuckles that puts his shootin
arm out of business.
"You're ma kin' a mistake," says he.
"I'm a prrvate detective."
"You're a third-rate yegg." says I.
"and you've been nipped tryin to pinch
a rubber door-mat."
"Here's my badge," says he.
"Anybody can buy things like that at
a hock shop." says I. "You come along
upstairs till I see whether or no its
vortU while ringin up a :op.',
of
ble halls of Dorchester House. A
compact, slowly - moving mass of
people exactly fitted the broad and
truly magnificent marble staircase.
Adjusting myself as part of this
ambulatory throng, we moved on. me
chanically, a step at a time, toward
the top. On each- landing, as the great
staircase turned twice, were footmen
in pink satin and silver lace, who
looked like valentines. They are very
wonderful, those English footmen, and
sometimes I think I'd rather have one
than a Teddy b2ar.
At the top of the staircase our Am
bassador and his reception party
greeted each guest with a cordial per
functoriness. ihat exactly suited the
occasion, and then an invisible force,
assisted here and there by a very visi
ble footman, gently urged us "on. .
Although the thought seems inap
propriate to the splendor of the occa
sion, yet to me the marvel of the af
fair was the "neatness and dispatch"
with which it was managed. No
crowding, no herding, no audible di
rections, yet the shifting thousands
moved as one, and the route through
He didn't want to visit, not a little bit,
but I was behind, persuadin' him with
my knee, and up he goes.
"Look at what the sneak thief business
la comin to," says I. standin' him under
the bunch light where Rossiter could get
a good look at him. He was a shifty
eyed low-brow that you wouldn't trust
alone In a room with a hot quarter.
"My name is McGilty," says he.
"Even if it wa'n't. you could never
prove an alibi with that face," says I.
"If this young gent'll phone to his
father." he goes on, "he'll find that I'm
all right."
"Don't you want us to call up Teddy
at Oyster Bay? Or send for your old
friend Bishop Potter? Ah, say, don't I
look like I could buy fly paper without
gettin stuck? Sit down there and rest
your face and hands."
With that I chucks him into a chair,
grabs up a hank of window cord that I
hap for the chest weights, and proceeds
to do the bundle-wrapping act on him.
Course, he does a lot of talkln. tellln
of the things that'll happen to me if I
don't let him "go right off.
"I'll cheerfully pay all the expenses of
a damage suit, or flqes. Shorty," says
Rossiter.
"Forget it!" says I. "There won't be
anything of the sort. He's lettin' off a
littl3 hot air, that's all. Keep your eye
on him while I goes after the other one."
I collared Number Two squattin' on
the skylight stairs. For a minute or so
he put up a nice little muss, but after
I'd handed him a swift one on the jaw
he forgot all about flghtin back.
"Attempted larceny of a tai'red roof
for yours," says I. "Come down til! I
give you the third degree."
He didn't have a word to say; just held
onto his face and looked ugly. I tied him
up same's I had the other and set 'em
face to face, where they could see how
pretty they looked. Then I led Rossiter
down stairs.
"Now run along and enjoy youself,"
says I.' "That pair'll do no more
sleut'in' for awhile. I'll keep 'em half
an hour, anyway, before I throws 'em
out in the street."
"I'm awfully obliged. Shorty," says he.
"Don't mention it," says I. "It's been
a pleasure."
That was no dream, either. Say, it
did me "most as much good as a trip to
Coney, etringin' them trussed-up keyhole
gazers.
"Your names'II look nice in the paper,"
says I, "and when your cases come up at
Special Sessions maybe your friends'U
all have reserved seats. Sweet pair of
pigeon-toed junk collectors, you are!
If they wa'n't sick of the trailin' busi
ness before I turned 'em loose it wasn't
my fault. From the remarks they made
as they went down the stairs I sus
plcioned they waa some sore on me. But
now and then I runs across folk? that
I'm kind of proud to have feel that way.
Private detectives is in that class.
I was still on the grin, and thinkin
how real cute I'd been, when I hears
heavy steps on the stairs, and in blows
Ross-iter's old man, short of breath and
wall-eyed.
"Where's he gone?" says he.
"Which one?" says I.
"Why. that fool boy of niinel'ays the
old man. "I've just had word that he
was here less than an hour ago."
"You .got a straight tip," says I.
"Well, where did he go from here?"
says he.
"I'm a poor guesser," says I, "and he
didn't leave any word; but if you was to
ask my opinion I'd say that most likely
he was behavin himself, wherever h
was."
"Huh!" growls the old man. "That
shows how little you know about him.
He's off being married, probably to some
yellow-haired chorus girl; that's where
he is!"
"What! Rossy?" says I.
Honest, I thought the old man must
have gone batty; but when he tells me
the whole yarn I begins to feel like I'd
swallowed a foolish powder. Seems that
Rossiter's mother had been notlcin
symptoms in him for some time; but they
hadn't nailed anything until that even
in", when the chump butler turns in a
note that lie shouldn't have let 0 of
Cut
.Loose
the mansion, and down another stair
case, was followed leisurely, by all.
One ilght pause "in any apartment to
view the pictures or the decorations,
or to chat with chance-met friends.
By the admirable magic of the man
agement, this made no difference in the
manipulation of the throng. Eventu
ally one came into a great marquee,
built on terraces, and exquisitely
draped inside with white and pale
green. Here a sumptuous feast was
served with the iron hand of neatness
and dispatch hidden in the velvet -glove
of suavity and elegant leisure. Here,
again, one met hundreds of acquaint
ances, and made hundreds of new ones,
the orchestra played National airs un
der two flags, and the scene was one of
the brightest phases, of kaleidoscopic
London.
Then on. out into the great garden,
full of delightful walks, seats, flowers,
music and rainbow-garbed humanity.
More meetings of friends and strang
ers; more invitations for future going
on: more Introductions to kindly celeb
rities: more pleasant exchange of in
ternational compliment, and. above It
until next mornin. It was from Rossi
ter. and says as how, by the time ehe
reads that, he'll have gone and done it.
"But how do you figure out that he's
picked a squab for his'n?" says I.
"Because they're the kind that would
be most likely to trap a chuckle-head
like Rossiter," says the old man. "It's
what I've been afraid of for a iong time.
Who else would be likely to marry him?
Come! you don't imagine I think he's an
Apollo, just because he's my son. do you?
And don't you suppose I've found out, in
all these years, that he hasn't sense
enough to pound sand? But I can't stay
here. I've got to try and stop it, before
36i
'H'w in Sir r
THE OLD MAN ALMOST
It's too late. 'If you think you can be
of any help, you can come along:."
Well say, I didn't see how I'd fit Into
a hunt of that kind; and as for knowln'
what to do, -J hadn't a thought in my
head Just then; but seein' as how I'd
butted in, it didnt seem no more'n right
that I should stay with the same. So 1
tags along- and we climbs into the old
man's electric cab.
"We'll go to Dr. Piecrust's first and see
if he's there," says he, "that being our
church."
Well, he wa'n't. And they ' hadn't
seen him at another ministers that the
old man said Rossy knew.
"If she was an actorine." says I, "she'd
be apt to steer him to the place where
they has most of their splicin' done. Why
not try there?"-.
"Good idea!" says he, and we lights
out hot foot for the Little Church Around
the Corner.
And say! Talk about your long shots!
As we piles out what should I see but
the carrotty-topped nighthawk that'd had
Rossy and me for fares earlier In the
evenin'.
"'You're a winner," says I to the old
man. "It's a case of waitin' at the
church. Ten to one you'll find Rossiter
inside."
It was a cinch. Rossy was the first
one we saw as we got - into the anteroom.
It wa'n't what you'd call a real af
fectionate meetln'. The old man steps
up and eyes him for a minute, like a dys
peptic lookin' at a piece of over-done
steak In a restaurant, and then he re
marks: "What blasted nonsense is this,
sir?"
"Why. says Rossi', shiftin' from oub
all, the Stars and Stripes waving over
Dorchester House!
From here I tore myself away to
keep an engagement to tea on the
Terrace of the House of Commons.
This Invitation had greatly pleased
me, 86 it is esteemed a very worth
while experience, and. further, T was
very fond of the genial M. P. and of his
charming wife who had Invited me. A
bit belated, I reached the lobby, where I
waa to meet my host, several minutes
after the appointed time.
Unappalled by this disaster, because
of my ignorance of its magnitude, I
asked an official to conduct me to Mr.
Member of Paliament.
"Impossible," he replied, "Mr. Mem
ber has already 'gone to the Terrace,
accompanied by his guests."
"Yes," said I, still not understand
ing. "I am one of his guests. Please
show me the way to the Terrace."
He looked at me pityingly.
"I'm sorry, madarre: but it is impos
sible -for you- to Join them now. No one
may go there unless accompanied by a
member, and the member, you mention
may not be sent for."
This seemed ludicrous, but so final
was his manner, that I became frightened
lest I had really lost my entertainment!
"Whether my look of utter despair ap
pealed to his better nature, or whether
ho feared I was about to burst into
tears, I don't know, but I couldi see that
he began to wever a little.
I thought of bribery and corruption, and
wondered if so austere an individual
ought to be approached along those lines.
I remembered that an Englishman had
spoken to me thus:
"I don't know of anybody in London
who would refuse a fee. except a club
servant or the King, end." he added re
flectively, "I've never tried the King
personally." Assisted by this knowlerige. I somehow
found myself being led down dark and
devious staircases which gave suddenly
out upon the broad, light Terrace. My
guide then disappeared like an Arab, and
I happily sauntered along in search of
Mr. and Mrs. M. P.
The scene was unique. The long Ter
race, looking out upon the Thames at the
very point of which Wordsworth wrote,
"Earth has not anything to show more
fair."
was filled with tea tables, at each of
which sat a group of prominent London
tea-cirinkers and their friends. The back
ground, the perpendicular architecture of
Parliament House, is crumbling in places.
and I locked quickly away, with a feeling
of apolo;;y for having viewed it so closely
s to see its silent defects.
My host greeted me with an air of
unbounded amazement.
"But how did you get down here?'
BY s5E WELL FORD
foot -to the other, and grinnln foollsher'n
I ever saw him grin before "why, I just
thought I'd get married, that's all."
"That's all, eh?" says the old man,
and you could have filed a saw with his
voice. "Sort of a happy inspiration of
the moment, was it?"
"Well," says Rossy. "not not exactly
that. I'd been thinking of It for some
time, sir."
"The deuce you say!" says the old
man.
"Wow!" says the old man. He'd been
holdin in a long spell for him, but then
he just boiled over. "See here, you young
rascal!" says he. "What do you mean
""1
LOSES HIS B REATH.
si 'W -
SI?..:
."I
by talking that way to me? Didn't think
I'd object! D'ye suppose I'm anxious to
have all New York know that my son's
been made a fool of? Think your mother
and I are aching to have one of these
bleached-hair chorus girls in the family?
Got her inside there, have you?"
'""Yes. sir."" says Rossy.
"Well, bring her out here!" says- the
old man. "I've- got something to say
to her."
"All right, sir," says Rossy. If there
ever was a time for throwln' the hooks
into a parent it was then. But he's as
good humored and quiet about it as
though he'd Just been handed a piece of
peach pie. "I'll bring her out," says he.
When he .comes in with the lady, the
old man takes one look at her and al
most loses his breath for good.
"Eunice May Ogden!" says he. "Why
why on earth didn't you say so before,
Rossy?"
'"Oh, hush!" says the lady. "Do be
still! Can't you see that we're right in
the middle of an elopement?"
Never saw Eunice May, did you?
Well, that's what you miss by not
travelin" around with the swells, same
as me. I had seen her. And say, she's
somethln" of a sight; too! She's a
kind of female Machnow, Eunice Is.
Maybe she's some less'n seven feet in
her lisle threads, but she looks every
Inch of it; and when it comes to
curves, she has Lilian Russell pared
to a lamp post. She'd be a good enough
-looker if she wan't such a whale. As
twins, she'd be a pair of beauts, but
the way she stands she's most too
much of a good thing.
Finckney says they call her the Og
"American enterprise," I responded,
but I learned that it had been an ex
traordinary and reprehensible act on the
part of the official who had gulci-d me.
I was sorry to learn this, but glad that
I had persevered to success.
Twelve people were at table, and that
tea is among my fairest London recol
lections. The very atmosphere of the Terrace Is
parliamentarian, though, of course, not
in a literal srmse, and vague, unmeaning
visions of woolsack and wig seem to
mingle with the visible realities. On the
one side the Thames, trembling with
traffic; on the other tho silent altitude
of stoo. that seems to grow hospitable
and confidential as you sit longer at its
feet. And b?tween these, the tea-table,
with its merry group, laughing at each
other's Jests, and carelessly throwing
about those precious invitations which
keep one going cn.
My rieht-hand neighbor proved to be a
large-minded editor of delightful per
sonality. We talked of books, and he said quite
casually: "Yes, I fancy Henry James"
works. And, moreover, he's a charming
man, personally. Would you care to go
motoring down to Rye tomorrow, and
spend the day at his place?"
While almost simultaneously on my
other side a ledy was saying, "Yes.
indeed, I'll be glad to send you a card
to the annual dinner of the women
authors of Great Britain."
Truly, hospitality is the keynote of the
leaders of London society. An apparent
lack of warmth may sometimes be notice
able in their manner, but they deal out
delightful Invitations with a free and
willing hard, the acceptance of which
keeps one forever going on.
And. after all, one is to prone to
generalize.
Hostesses are human beings, and,
therefore, there are no two alike.
One may classify, and the types fall
easily Into classes, but one may not maku
sweeping ' assertions. And. too, in so
ciety, which the world over is a sham
and purveyor of shams, are kind hearts
always more than coronets?
And when one Is gaily, perhaps flip
pantly, going on. one wants to see all
sorts, and I went from my Terrace tea
to a private view of some paintings.
Then, after suitable robing, to a dinner;
then to the opera, where the delicious
incongruity of Madame Butterfly set to
Italian grand opera music, was heightened
by the dear baby who sat flat on the
stage and waved the American flag Into
the very faces of the boxes full of English
royalty.
And so. as Pepys would say. home, and
to bed, feeling that there was certainly
a fascinating exhilaration in London's
game of "'going on."
den sinking fund among his crowd.
I've heard 'em say that old man Ogden,
who's a little, dried up runt of about
five feet nothin', has never got over
bein' surprised at the size Eunice has
growed to. When she was about 14
and weighed only a hundred and nine
ty odd, he and Mother Ogden figured
a lot on marryin' Eunice into the
House of Lords, like they did her sis
ter, but they gave all that up when
she topped the 200 mark.
Standin' there with Rossiter, they
loomed up like a dime museum cou
ple; but they was lookin' happy, and
gazin' at each other in that mushy
way you know how.
"Say," says Rossiter's old man. slzln'
'em up careful, "is it all true? Do
you thiniv as much of one another as
all that?"
There wa'n't any need of their say
in' so; but Rossy speaks up prompt
for the only time in his life. He told
how they'd been spoons on each other
for moren'a year, but hadn't dared let
on because they was afraid of bein'
kidded. It was the same way about
gettin' married. Course, their bein'
neighbors on the avenue, and all that,
he must have known that the folks on
either side wouldn't kick, but neither
one of 'em had the nerve to stand for
a church weddin', so they Just made up
their minds to slide off easy and have
it all through before anyone had a
chance to give 'em the jolly.
"But now that you've found It out,"
says Rossiter, "I suppose you'll want
us to wait and "
"Wait nothing!" says the old man,
jammin' on his hat. 'Don't you wait
a minute on my account. Go ahead
with your elopement. Ill clear out.
I'll go up to tho club and And Ogden.
and when you have had the knot tlcA
good and fast you come home and re
ceive a double-barreled uiessing."
About that time the minister that
they'd been waitin' for shows up. and
Jcfore I knows it I've been rung in.
well say. It was my nrst wnack playin'
back stop at a weddin', and perhaps
I put up a punk pereformance; but
inside of half an hour the job was
done. And of all the happy reunions
I was ever lugged Into, it was when
Rossiter s folks and the Ogdens got
together afterwards. They were so
tickled to get them two freak left
overs of their hands that they almost
adopted me into both families, Just for
the little stunt I did in bilkln' them
- 5' a- (Copyrighted by the Associat
ed Sunday Magazines, Inc.)
"Thankful For AIL
Lawrence Kryle Donovan In the Eartn.
Paddy McShane had no shoe, to his feet
Sorra a shoe! divll a shoe'
And hi. houshs looked red as he tramped
in the streets
Och, wlrrahoo!
But ha said: "It u shoes that ye'd stick on
me toes?
How'd me feet ftel 'the sround. sorra one
of ye know;
And who'd pay for mendln' "em. do you
suppose?
Go oft wid ye do!"
Paddy McShane hd no hat on his had
Sorra a hat! divll a hat!
And the rain it came down on his red
scratch, instead
Och, think ot that!
But he said: "I it God s blessed sunshine
and air
That ye'd shut from mt head? Och. would
one of ye dare
For a trifle of rain or av wind who would
care? .
Shtop botherln" Pat."
Paddy McShane had just nothing- at all
Sorra a thine! devil a thins;!
But he thought. "When I'm down, there'a
no distance to fall";
And he would sing:
"Faix, the merciful Master is good "to his
poor: ,
What Is man, whom he made. If he cannot
endure?
Troth, It's little I want, but that tittle Is
sure.
For It comes from the King!"
The Girl From Milwaukee, Wis.
Young's Magazine.
"Drink to me only with thins eyes.
And I will pledge with mine!"
"All right." she said, "and make It bear.
And serve It in a steini"