9
IVS VmbYClONAL .AND ULSVORICJ vSCWPP6I OF B6IR GimOUR
BY LeONe CASS
W1ZTL H6R OWN ILLUSTRATIONS
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, MAY 3. 1908.
-. i
ws&mCm
v TO)TQ)TlM
NOW is the season of sulphur and
molasses. bock beer, boils,
freckles, nature poems, announce
ment of engagements and other evils.
The oldest inhabitant tells why this
particular Spring is or Is not like its
predecessors, and the weather jrogosti
cator rests from his labors.
The frisky " lambs and calves, the
baby chicks and colts, the ducklings,
garden plot with peeping green, the
wild flowers and blossoming trees are
standing pat for their usual quota of
Ahs and Ohs! by an admiring public.
The cars are filled to overflowing
(yes, Henry you are right. In cities
other than Portland this alone Is indi
cative of warm days, but the Portland
streetcar system allows only one extra
car in the Spring). '
The park benches are working over
time and grate hinges are being re
paired. The seed stores are making, ex
penses and bookstores are offering bar
gain sales of "Every Man His Own
Gardner" and "Handy Manual and
Hints on raising vegetables and flow
ers." Angelina gayly gathers poison Ivy
and transplants it in the front yard;
prandpa has sun pains, the children
all have a siege of leaky noses and
mother wears her nerves to a frazzle
trying to decide whether to have the
house papered and painted or go to
Seaside on the money. - The daring
ones shed their Winter flannels; the
more cautious compromise with gaiters
and a chest protector.
Fair feminity In general dons lacy
lingeries and goes forth to make
wretched the heart of some other
woman who hasn't a 'ling- to her name.
.Yes, Rosie, lingerie is perfectly proper
to use. If they have Valenciennes lace
and tucks and pink or blue ribbons on
'em you are authorized to refer to 'em
r.g "lingerie," but if you get the plain,
unruffled unadorned kind at a bargain
sale it would be distinctly bad form
to use any other than the usual old
fashioned names).
This is the season when the scent of
tho little green onion takes precedence
over the soft fragrance ol the south
winds. People who like them. He
about It and pretend they don't. Tes,
I mean you, Mrs. Subbubs. You'd love
to eat a lot of the little green succu
lent things and don't dare to because
of the odor It would leave on your
breath. John Henry eats cloves and
then, kills two birds with one stone.
Ah. you sly old devil. Miss Young
thing eats 'em and denies herself to
callers, and if Mrs. Bridie eats one Mr.
Bridle has to "Just taste a teensy teensy
bit" so he can't smell his wifie's
"breffies." One's conversational stock
need contain only men pnrases as
"Isn't this a lovely day?" and "I hope
you don't mind my breath, we had
onions for lunch," or "I suppose you
are going; to the beach."
The school children blithely carol about
. the "browen thrush setting-up in a
tr-e-e-e" or "Spring wuns said-to-a daisy
fair," and go on numerous excursions
with teacher or some friend into the
woods at the end of the carline.
Quicksilver little boys frighten their
mothers into fits by bringing home an
assorted collection of frogs, lizards, birds'
eggs, grasshoppers and young water
snakes, appearing with stockings sus
piciously moist and wrong side out.
Little girls refuse to go bonneted and
wish they were boys. I think eVery girl
at some time In her life sighs for the
seemingly care-free and Independent ex
istence of a boy.
I know a baDy girl of 3 who wailed
Into her mother's ear one Spring day the
fact that she wanted to be a boy. "And
why?" asked the mother, wishing to see
if the case was curable. "Well, boys
don't have to wear pink dresses and be
careful of their clothes," was the as
tonishing reply. "But you can put on
your rompers and play without soiling
the nice pink dress," said the child's
mother. The baby pondered the words
and Anally said, in a settlcd-for-all-time
manner. "Yes, mummie, but I can't stand
on my head." i
'Tis the time of year when embryo poets
dish up new and wonderful concoctions
relative to Spring, and all the impres
sionistic phrases peculiar to this season,
that have lain dormant for a year, come
forth to grace (God spare the mark) the
pages of the Weekly . Clarion or the
Spudvllle Gazoot. Such terms as "orgie
of opalescent fires," "molten clouds,"
"crimson flush" (No, Henry, it has noth
. ing to do with diamonds or hearts), "pur-
pting, palpitating dusk." and "pale, pen
sive moon," set one to thinking of the
vast possibilities in our English as she
is spoke and wrote.
The printer on small weeklies and the
foreman of the larger dailies take down
and dust the stork-phrases referring to
Spring. Constantly kept on hand are
such titles as: "Springtime," "On Hear
1 worS
"FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD."
ing a Bird's Carol," "IJnes to a Daisy."
"Ode to a Violet" (Owed to a landlady
would be more truthful and appropriate).
"To a Rivulet," -and "Isove;" phrases
and words like "cloudless sky," "gentle
breezes,'" "greensward" (No. Kmma
Durindy, I don't know what greensward
means, but it's the proper word to use
in Spring poems and descriptions of the
grass in popular novels), "twilight hour
athwart" (Did you ever see anything
athwart? I never did), and "birth of day"
are kept in readiness for the poems that
inevitably come. They are never fail
ing and far more certain than the edi
tor's salary, subscriptions to the paper
or patent medicine ad.
I really think, however, that the W. C.
T. U. should investigate this Spring deal.
Such expressions as "intoxicating aroma"
and- "bees drunken with perfume" and
references to one's blood being changed
into wines from imbibing the fragrant
air, or "reeling homeward dizzy with
sweet smells" and "drinking one's fill"
seem to indicate that Old Dame Nature
is running an open joint.
'
Now is the time of yearns.
I've never yet found anyone who can
exactly describe the sensation, but per
sonally I think It may be said to be' a
compromise between homesickness and
having a tapeworm a sort of craving,
hungry, restless desire for something
unexplainable. At no other time of the
year do we have "yearns" and ir
Springtime the rich and poor, aristo
crat and plebeian alike, are hit by the
same disease. It is more fashionably
than appendicitis, and in some cases,
almost as expensive.
How pleasant, too, is the road-, one
must needs travel to attain the vaca
tion. What saving and scrimping,
sometimes; what going without some
necessary comfort, and what exquisite
bliss to prepare for the said vacation.
Woolens and furs to be put away from
reach of moths, house-cleaning and all
its train of evils; clothes to be pur
chased, and sometimes paid for. trunks
to be packed, letters to be written.
What a strenuous life one leads in pre
paring for . and during one's vacation.
Anticipation Is never equaled by real
ization in the vacation deal. We al
ways fall short of the plans and
dreams.
We have visions of long, delicious
rambles through the fields and o'er the
"greensward!" picking daisies and but
tercups. It spells nice in print, but
one only rambles if one is slender and
20; rheumatic 45 and stout must needs
amble; and besides, do you really know
of a more tiresome pastime than navi
gating in a squatting position over 15
acres of real estate, picking short
stemmed, pie-eyed daisies?
Visions, too, of a table, snowy-covered,
set out under the old apple trees,
and bearing all the dainty, tempting,
appetizing things one sees in the print
ed menus on "Our- Ijady's Own Page,"
come to the tired buttercup picker, as
THE BLITHEFUL BUTTERCUP PICKER.
he wends his way wearily homeward,
through the wet weeds and dusty
roads. And isn'tit enough to eternally
knock poetry out of your system to
find a steaming hot repast of pork and
cabbage or corned beef and turnips,
with mince pie as a final handicap and
aid to Indigestion awaiting your home
coming.
And the evenings you had created
a pretty little picture in your mind's
eye of falling shadows. (No, Lily, I do
not know why shadows always fall,
presumably for the "same reason that
day freaks), and a ellvery moon, re
flecting her image in the lake, or sail
ing high in a perfect sky, and the ever
present evening star, always crowning
the hill, birds seeking their little nests
and the peaceful farm household retir
ing early.
But you only find it this way in Laura
Jean Libbey's narrative of "The Farm
er's Beautiful Daughter," or in Fair
banks' autobiography.
The sun doesn't belong to the union
and so he works overtime and refuses
to sink, as per contract. You sit out
in his rays and smoke your pipe, if you
are a male creature; if of the said-to-be-gentler
sex, you read the last divorce
scandal in the week-old paper, all the
SWEDENBORG AS A SCIENTIST
He Advanced Knowledge of Physiology 100 Years Before His
Contemporaries.
THE removal of Swedenborg's body
from London to Stockholm, after
it had reposed in the Swedish
Lutheran Church in London for 136
years. Is a part of a larger movement
for the recognition of the great
genius of Swedenborg In the domain
of science, which has recently gained
great Impetus in his native land. It
is a curious fact that Swedenborg's
philosophy has had a much wider in
fluence in the world at large than In
his native land. It has profoundly in-
fluenced the greatest writers of Ger
many, France, England and America
Many men of eminence in the domain
of literature, science, philosophy and
theology have acknowledged their in
debtedness to the philosopher of the
north.
The movement now on foot to .honor
the memory of Swedenborg on account
of his great scientific attainments had
its beginning outside of his native
country. Dr. Max Neuburger, of Vi
enna, in 1901 delivered an address be-,
fore the Assembly of German Natural
ists and Physicians, entitled "Sweden
borg's References to the Physiology of
the Brain." In this address Dr. Neu
burger pointed out some of Sweden
borg's most important conclusions in
the Held of cerebral physiology, In
which he was far in advance of his
time, and anticipated many modern
discoveries. Thus he says: "He leaped
a whole century ahead of his age by
the announcement of another discov
ery, for he was the first one to show
that the cortical substance of the
brain is the exclusive seat of the
higher psychical activity, the point of
attack of the soul." The address con
cluded with the warmest expression of
appreciation of the great genius of
Swedenborg in this field of research,
and the opinion was expressed that
"this man, during the scientific period
of his life, exhibited a penetration in
various fields of research that is noth
ing less than magnificent."
Following up this interest In Sweden
borg, Dr. Neuburger addressed a com
munication to the Academy of Sciences
of Stockholm, in which he expressed
his regret that Swedenborg's extensive
manuscript on the brain, which is pre
served in the library of the Academy
of Sciences, had not yet been published.
This led to the appointment of a com
mittee to Investigate the matter. Pro
fessor Dr. Gusaf Retzlus, the chairman
of the committee and president of the
Academy, made a study of the subject
of Swedenborg's physiological treatises.
The results of this study he presented
before the congress of anatomists at
Heidelberg. May 29. 190,1, In his address
as president of that body.
The committee of the Academy of Sci
ences now made a thorough examination
of the manuscripts of Swedenborg, all of
which had been deposited In its library
by .his heirs. This investigation brought
to light a remarkable array of sclentifis
and philosophical works, many of which
had neviir been published. They covered
many fields of scientific research and in
cluded treatises on Vnathematlcs, chemis
try, metallurgy, magnetism, ontology and
cosmology, geology, paleontology, psy
chology and anatomy and physiology.
There are over 80 titles, many of them
bulky treatises. In which Swedenborg
seemed to grasp the hidden causes of
things. By his principles of vibration, de
grees, series and order he reduced the
various domains of sciene into a unified
whole. Moreover, he anticipated by a cen
tury some of the scientific discoveries of
the 19th century, especially in the field
of anatomy and physiology.
Br. Retzius became so impressed with
the value of these works that he proposed
tKALCVOrt REST)
. AtMKifvr'Sxy sis, mm
EVERY SPRING WE YEARN FOR THIS.
while .fighting black flies and mos
quitoes and gnats. When it gets dark
the frogs in the hollow set up their
nightly croaking and the old man of the
to the Academy of Sciences to ssue an
edition of Swedenborg's scientilio and
philosophical works, and offered to bear
the. expense of the first three volumes
himself. The first volume of this series
has just been issued from the press. It
contains Swedenborg's contributions to
geology and a number of his letters.. The
preface Is by Dr. Retzlus, and the emi
nent paleontologist and geologist. Profes
sor Alfred G. Nathors, has written the
Introduction, in which he gives a lucid an
alysis of Swedenborg's contributions to
geology In that early stage of the sci
ence, and gives him higll praise. Volume
II will contain treatises on chemistry,
physics and mechanics; and volume III on
cosmology. Four other volumes- are
planned, two on the brain and two on
physiology.
The movement to transfer Swedenborg's
body from England to Sweden originated
when the fact was made known that the
church In London in-which his iody rest
ed was to be torn down. The question
then arose what should be done with his
remains. The , Swedish government re
quested of the British government permis
sion to remove his remains to Sweden,
which request being granted, a war ves
sel was dispatched for the purpose, and
the body was transferred, with appropri
ats honors.
A number of different movements in
Sweden have been instituted with, rela
tion to Swedenborg and his works. One
of these is to be the establishment of a
museum which shall preserve original por
traits of him, hiea relics and his works.
The librarian of the Stockholm Academy,
the institution that possessesi his manu
scripts, has planned a Swedenborg room
to contain these and other Swedenborg
iana. Besides this there is the resump
tion of the publication by a photolitho
graphic process of facsimiles of the manu
scripts. This movement by private sub
scription resulted In the publication of 10
volumes about 30 years ago. ' Three splen
did volumes, In the new series, have just
been issued from the press.
Swedenborg's investigations in the
realm of nature were of the most pro
found character. He early propounded
the theory that all forces in nature,
including our vital force, consist
mostly of minute vibrations or trem
ulatlons. He carries this principle all
through his scientific, and philosophi
cal treatises. Electricity, magnetism,
light, heat and even gravitation, ac
cording to his principles, are vibra
tions of the ether in its degrees. In
the human body the motions of the
brain and the lungs produce series of
motions which are of vital importance
in the economy of the system. An
other principle which Is of universal
application in his philosophy Is his
doctrine of degrees. He shows that
as we- aacend from gross matter to
the finer and subtler forms of nature
we come to more perfect forms and
forces, which are the causes of those
things manifested In the solid matters
of the earth. This applies In the
sphere of nature and its atmospheres,
and In the human body and Its finer
tissues and fluids. There Is thus an
ascent In perfection in the body itself,
but the ruling power In the body is the
mind and soul within, and this ruling
power or organism was the ultimate
goal which Swedenborg endeavored to
reach, and some of the most sublime of
his investigations in physiology and
psychology are In regard to the in
fluence of the mind on the body and
the display of its forces In nature.
Although many of' Swedenborg's
treatises have remained unpublished
during the period of 176 years, some
of the most important of them were
published by Swedenborg himself In
Latin and have been translated into
English. A new edition Is now being
prepared and published by the Swed
enborg Scientific Association of
America. A tardy recognition of the
scope and importance of one of these
works, "The Principle," has recently
been made. It was believed that the
nebular hypothesis of the origin of
the solar system originated with La
place. A few years ago the astron
omers, Nyren and Holden, showed that
Swedenborg was entitled to the honor
of having- originated this theory. Dr.
Retzlus in speaking of this work, says:
"In the first, volume of his 'Opera
philosophica et Mineralla- be explained
among other things, his new hypothe
sis of cosmogony, a nebular hypo
thesis, in which long before Kant
and Laplace he represented In word
and illustration the formation of the
planets in the solar system. Laplace
himself informs us that be had re
ceived his first ideas on this subject
from Buffon, and Button, as is known,
had Swedenborg's work In his library."
In his studies in the field of the human
body, In his works on the brain, on the
anatomy and functions of the nerves, the
circulation of the blood, the functions of
the various organs, the motions -of the.
brain and the .lungs, he advanced the
knowledge of physiology a century beyond
his contemporaries. In fact Instead of be
ing out of date we see some of the ablest
scientists are now co-operating to bring
f Iff i
place comes out to talk over with you
Chamberlain's and Cake's troubles. Your
host's wife is sometimes as interesting
and well-posted as the female members
his works before ttie world. They are
doing this not merely as an honor to the
man, nor for' their historic value, but be
cause they throw a brilliant light on the
problems of the present age. Ralph Waldo
Emerson speaking of Swedenborg as a
scientist and philosopher says:
"Our books are false bjr being fragmen
tary, but Swendenborg is systematic, and
respective of the world in every sentence;
all the means are orderly given; his facul
ties work with astronomic punctuality;
and his admirable writing is pure from all
pertness and egotism. Mis writings would
be a sufficient library to the lonely and
athletic student; and the 'Economy of the
Animal Kingdom' Is one of those books,
which by the sustained dignity of think
ing, is an honor to the human race. The
'Animal Kingdom is a book of wonder
ful merits. It is written with the highest
end to put science and tne soul, long
estranged from each other, at one again.
. . . One of the missourtums and masto
dons of literature, he is not to' be meas
ured by whole colleges of ordinary
scholars. His stalwart presence woula
flutter the gowns of a university."
The Academy of Sciences of Stockholm
Is performing a valuable work in bring
ing forth from their dusty archives the
treasures long hidden there in the manu
scripts of Swedenborg. To put him forth
in the garb of a philosopher divested of
the later theologic vestments, will serve
to bring before the world his marvelous
qualifications as a scholar.
PAS ROmiLCQWAMON
Entered 2nd Clu Male Matter
Under
Royal
Patronage
JO PA VOTERS!
Don't buy a Piscin a Poke! Vote
for Us as the Presidential candidate
of tbe National Papacratlc Party, and
yon will .know beforehand Just what
kind of one yon are catting! Instead
of waiting until after election and
then delivering goods that are not a
bit As advertised,-we will deliver. the
staff now!
1 v
Our first Presidential Message Is
written! Every week we
: shall launch a thunderbolt
from It! Each thunderbolt
Is made by union labor and
guaranteed under the Pure
Food law!. We challenge
Pas R. B.. C, T. F. et al
.on thla lfisue alonel
: OuTflrstT thunderbolt s wilrbe"r on
the tariff. We have solved itA Don't
miss aexti.weekJslBSue.'P Wax have
solved it!,
Among other thunderbolts we will
hurl one ordering Congress to pro
vide an open season of six months
every ' year for automobiles, during
which they may be shot or trapped.
We shall also demand life imprison
ffient for Mas who are guilty of inter
state restraint of Pas.
Pa
Philosophic
by a.
Painless Pa
"Modesty Is fine to see.
But one gets f artherwithoutjshe."
A little truth will go a' long way
and find Itself among total strangers
on the entire trip.
The difference between captains of
finance and the rest of as in money
matters is Just the same as the dif
ference between them and us in the
matter of a bottle full of liquor.
They don't know any more about the
contents than we do, but tbeyve.got
a corkscrew every time.
of yourown household, and. can jabber
away for hours at a stretch about noth
ing at all.
The only odor that assails your esthetic
nostrils is the kerosene when the lamps
are lighted. As it gets duskier your
companions In distress disappear into
their purgatorial bedrooms, climb into
their nice warm feather beds, and lie
gasping for the ozone that occasionally
strays in through the 2x4 window.-
We have, too, visions of dear Aunti
Martha in her fresh, blue calico dress
beating new-laid eggs Into a delicious
omelette, or dishing out great luscious
red strawberries to be eaten with our
morning, repast.
As a matter of fact, dear Aunt Martha
is a financier of the darkest water, and
the new-laid eggs and crimson straw
berry dream is rudely shattered. iong
before the blithe vacationist has arisen
in the morning the aforementioned com
modities are reposing gently in the farm
er's cart en route to the wicked city to
.be sold for city folks' consumption.
Isn't it just lovely to see the cows
swish their tails In the meadow, and to
be chase"d under (or over, according to
sex) a barbed-wire fence by a vicious
bull?
What is more delightful than rising
early, breakfasting on a glass of milk
and two cold biscuits, hurrying away in
the gladsome. bird-peeping morning
through dewy fields (especially if you're
rheumatic) chasing yourself 14 miles to
a stream where everybody you ever
knew or heard tell of caught so many
blg fish last year and every preceding
year, but where the few you finally col
lect are so surprisingly small and
measly; and then traipsing home, tired,
cross and hungry at eventide. Great,
isn't it?
And what pure, unalloyed bliss when
a rainy week sets In and all you can
do is "sit at the window or on the porch
and watch the trees drip.
Great sport, that'.
And what fun to ride in the broiling
ONLY REACHES B FLAT
Italians Make Test of Caruso's Voice, and Feel Sad.
New York Telegraph.
Those who were present at the last per
formance of "II Trovatore" at the New
York Metropolitan Opera-House might
have noticed a peculair spectacle.
It was a group of Italians of all ranks
and stations in society, lying in wait for
Caruso's top note. Many o'f them were
armed with tuning forks. Among them
were Christoforo Campanarl, the son of
the singer; his friend, Amadea Vowinkel,
of Venice, and Dr. Fannoni, of Naples.
They all had been present at an earlier
performance of the same opera, and a dis
cussion had arisen between them and
eome excited Italian art patrons about
the precise note that Caruso had sung.
Words had waxed high, and stilliettos
might have been drawn had not Christo
foro Campanari said, "Well, brethren of
the Mafia, next time Caruso sings Manrieo
I'll bring a tuning fork and we'll settle
it." "I say he sing-a do high C," said
Borromeo di Bomposini, and his partisans
song all drew their tuning forks and nod-
"I say he sang a B-flat," said Dr. Fan
MAY 3. 1903
EDIBLE
ETIQUETTE
by
TONY CEREALS.
To rempve'prtrna stones from the
mouth, reach In gracefully with the
left band from time to time, gather
up as many as convenient, and toss
them unobtrusively Into a corner. Be
careful not to clench the fist while
it Is inside, as In (hat case It cannot
be readily removed.'
In" eating pie'.' be ' careful not "to
bite so deep as to muss' up the ears.
In'declfning a second' helping of
anything that does not taste good,
always state your reasons 1n . fun in
a loud, clear tone.
THE FATAL EGG; or,
CHAPTER Ii;
Accustomed though she was to lux
ury, Susan Endive, the Lady Chauf
feur, could not suppress ah exclama
tion of astonishment when she en
tered the suite of the Dukess of
Arfenarf.
Onyx tables, antique 'rugs, gold
clocks, cut glass vases, handpainted
pictures, brass beds. Brussels car
pets, pianos, suits of armor, cosy cor
ners, folding Couches, plush photo
graph albums, hammered Jardinieres,
rubber plants, band-worked mottoes
In color, and real lace curtains made
a scene of regal splendor.
Scarcely had the magnificent blue
and yellow plush curtains fallen be
hind them, ere the Dukess of Arf
enarf turned on Susan Endive, tbe
Lady Chauffeur, and hissed: .
"It Is true that you know ' the
guilty secret of my life. But hark
you! Though you set the myrmi
dons of the White House on the track
of the railroad rebate, I will escape
them and carry off Willie Colander,
the beautiful vest-model, despite
you!"
"Not while these poor but honest
bands can hold the steering-wheel of
a smell-wheeler to pursue you to the
end of the world and more too!"
proudly replied Susan Endive, hold
ing out her tiny snow-white bands
berlnged with genuine solitaires.
"Ha!" muttered the Dukess of
Arfenarf, awed In spite of herself at
the resolution in the emerald eyes of
the Lady Chauffeur Diamond had
met Diamond!
J. At this terrible moment a servant
sun for miles and miles, along with tne
other boarders, for a nice little picnic
and drink warm lemonade and soda pop.
and ride back home via the hsd river
road.
It's great, too. wading In bogs and
marshy fiields. And you want to see It
all so as to be sure you get your money's
worth.
Great stunt, to climb mountains, espe
cially if you are a fat person with an
abdomen and double chin. Up ten miles
of tortuous, winding incline, now i t.-.e
broiling sun, now in reeking dampness,
through brambles and long-armed vines,
for pleasure pure and simple, seems to
me an invention of the devil's.
And what fun to pick pond lilies from a
boat, at ..the imminent risk of your
clothes and life, and to get. out Into the
soughing woods and by the babbling
brook. And always there's the echo stunt.
How we yell at it, to have it answer us
as persistently as a woman, but not like
a woman in that it always agrees collo
quially. And please someone tell me, do mince
pie and castor oil. batter cakes and Ipe
cac, heavy desserts and pills, preserves
and Jalap have a natural affinity, that
they are so constantly found in each oth
er's company at vacation time?
We want to leave the teeming city get
away from it all, with its conventionali
ties; away from its appetizing breakfasts
and the regularly recurring good dinner,
away from its clean tiled bathrooms,
away from electric lights and hot and
cold water when we want It, away from
nice pavements and sltady lawns, from
the theaters, boon companions. Dutch
lunches and our beautiful Portland rose.
We want to get clear away fTm all the
eternally, endlessly, reiterated and re
peated routine of the manifold facilities
and genuine comforts of our great Port
land, and go back to Nature and the sim
ple life. Some of us go: those of us who
don't or can't are building better than
we know.
N. P. Please note that I have not once
referred to the Merry Widow hat.
noni. "I prove it bi- the mathematical
demonstrazione." "Never mind,' said
Christoforo. "next 'Trovatore' we bring
tuning forks."
Accordingly the next performance the
B-flattists came with tuning forks, and
also the C naturalists came with tuning
forks. "Well fix you!" muttered one
gang to the other. "You'll see!" The two
parties stood glaring at each other, wait
ing until Caruso sane "Di Quolla Pira."
Just as lie struck the first note of Jhe
song all drey their tuning forks and nod
ded defiantly at each other. When ho
got to the high note they all struck the
tuning forks simultaneously on their
heels. The C of the tuning fork rang
clear and vibrant in their eager ears.
Caruso's note did not agree with it. He
had sung a B-flat.
The faces of Vowir.kel and Fannoni lit
up with triumphant Joy.
Barromeo di Bomposini paled with an
ger and threw his fork angrily at Fer
rari's head. "The Metropolitan opera one
big cheat!" he cried. "The fork-a de tune.
It prove it." A basso Carus", I want my
money baek."
And he rushed out o the box-office.
PA SUNSHINE SOCIETY
NEWS OF ALL LANDS
By Special Insulated Wire)
New " York" May 2 .Last w night
some persons unknown carried away
two subways and one suspension
bridge. The police drag-net has
gathered In every- capitalist in the
city, and it is rumored that most of
them have confessed.
Philadelphia. May 17 Teeter
day's celebration of. last Christmas
was very successful.
-- .
London, May 3. A"' well-known
American millionaire yesterday met
King Edward and daringly attempted
to shake hands. He was taken to
the insane asylum, suffering. from
severe frost bite.
.mw&m:x -v "-" '
Paris, May 2. (Delayed in Trans
mission. The May Day demonstra
tion of deserted and unemployed no
blemen was immensely impressive.
The parade required 25 hours. to
pass a given glass of absinthe.
A WOEFUL WOOING
tastfly attired In crimson, bluer or
ange and violet livery, entered nolse
lessly and set before them a sterling
silver tray containing an exquisite
repast..-
The Dukess of Arfenarfa" eyes
gleamed ae she pushed a soft-boiled
strictly fresh egg to her bitter enemy.
Susan Endive daintily aimed at it
and struck it a blow la the latest
Waldorf-Astoria style.
The next Instant
the 'sound of a ter
rible explosion was
heard!
Ere the crash had
died away, the Du
kess of Arfenarf '
with a hoarse "Ha!
Ha!" emerging from
her face, bad min
gled with the crowds
of millionaires on
Riverside Drive.
Susan Endive dlz
illy withdrew her
head from the works
of a solid gold clock
into which she had beed hurled.
"Something must have went off!"
she exclaimed.
8he looked upward. " The sky
looked upon her. The first class,
stylish Hollyhock Apartment House
had been unroofed!
Susan Endive saw a black 'speck
high In air! It grew while she
looked! As It rushed downward it
became Immense! It fell on the
apartment house with a frightful
thud! "'
It was the mortgage!
TUt fticinMiuf itriaJ wiil tttfliu4