THE SUNDAY OREGONIA!?. PORTLAND, APRIL 26, 1905.
'6
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OKTI.AM, SUNDAY, APRIL !8.
THE PROBLEM OF EVIL.
Tliej joy, but not the gaiety, of the
rtirltl hits lately been increased by the
irth oT The Hiirvard Theological Re
lew. Jt is a quarterly publication of
til undenominational, which means
loro'Ucal, tenor, and since it has been
aidowed by a benevolent spinster nov
;me to her reward, it may survive
he tempests which are sure to raffe
omul its speculative and skeptical
tiiRcs. The joy which this new perl
illviil will afford to the world will be
tin Inly the stern Joy of combat; hence
re are probably safe In saying that it
rill not enhance, our gaiety a great
e;tl, for battle Is tint usually gay.
Hill, It may provoke an occasional
mile. VVc confess, in fact, to having
ndulged ourselves In a little mirth
ver Professor Thomas N. Carver's
mlion of "the simple life," which is
et forth in an article of his on "The
're bletn of Kvil" in the January num
pr of the review. Professor Carver
liinUs that the simple life means "the
oppression of desire." much after the
nanner of the old Stoics, w ho found
hat the struggle for existence was too
nucb. for them and sought to get the
tetter of it by ceasing to struggle.
This concept of the simple life is
undanientally . wrong. It does not
tifiin the suppression of desire, but
he contrary. To a person who would
end the simple life two things are rec
niincnded by its evangelists. The first
s to analyze his present routine of ex
stence and learn what part of it really
wtlsfles desire and what does not. The
'ormer he is to retain while he ellm
nates the latter. It is suggested that
le will llnd himself performing a great
nany acts every day which are not
mly unnecessary, but highly annoying,
le does them, not because they satisfy
my of ills desires, but because some
lotly has told him they are proper, or
fspectahle. Perhaps they were pleas
int to him formerly, but are so no
onger. A large part of the ordinary
nutinn of most human beings is ex
remely vexatious, a mere unnecessary
mrden which has been plied upon
heir shoulders by one means and an
ther. If they were rid of it for good
mil all, they would have both time
tnd money to satisfy many more gen
ilne desires than they now can. The
simple life therefore means, not at all
lie suppression, but the development
if our wants. It is the conventional
wutlne which suppresses them.
In the second place, the simple life
neans the satisfaction of desires in a
ntlonal way, without superlluous dls
ilay, worry and expense. In other
lords it Is the application of intelli
rent economy to the problem of living.
Culturally, if a person should eliminate
raste from his existence, he could en
vy himself much more than he does
i hen he utilizes only a fraction of his
ihyslcal, mental and spiritual re
iources. If he should form the habit
if doing what he1 really wishes, in
itead of what others want him to do,
ie would get a vast deal more out of
lis Journey between the cradle and the
:rav than he can under the usual ar
angemcnts. The gospel of the simple
ife is truly ftn impulse toward more
onip'ete and substantial satisfaction
f wants than we attain at present. It
s not In the slightest degree ascetic
ir stoical. It is genuine Epicureanism.
According to Professor Carver, evil
trk-'-s In the world from the gnawing
? unfulfilled desires, which is perfect
y true. But he thinks that our only
tractbal method of escape from it is
t suppress as many of our desires as
vp can, especially that of parenthood,
lcnce he approves of what he calls
the simple life." It is very doubtful
vhfj.hi'r many apostles of that doc
Tine would agree with his reason for
reaching It They look for the solu
tion of the problem of evil by means
lot Quite BO Desslznistlo. thmia-h thav
concede readily enough that it arises
from the struggle for existence. This
being so, it would seem that the nat
ural way to get rid of evil would be to
get rid of the struggle that causes it.
It must not be supposed that Professor
Carver Is blind to a fact so obvious,
but he believes that the struggle for
existence must continue until men have
become so altruistic that each person
will prefer others' happiness to his
own. This consummation would, of
course, require a radical change In hu
man nature, though, perhaps, not so
radical as many Imagine, and It will be
a long time on the way, if it ever
comes at all.
The root of the struggle for exist
ence Is the disparity between supply
and demand. We crave, says Profes
sor Carver, more than we can pos
sibly get. Hence some of us must al
ways feel unsatisfied wants and this
will drive us to wrong one another.
The optimist would deny that we crave
more than we can get. To him it Is
apparent that the main excuse for the
struggle for existence between man
and man has already been eliminated.
There was a time when the earth did
not produce enough food, shelter and
comforts to supply the wants of the
human race, but that time is past.
As long as there was a deficiency, rob
bers', war, piracy, were perfectly ra
tional. They were necessary to prog
ress. But through the invention of
machinery, ImpYovements in agricul
ture, all sorts of new devices for cre
ating wealth, we have at last found
means to produce all we want. The
problem which now confronts us is not
how to produce enough to satisfy de
sire, but how to distribute our abun
dance. The good things which we create
seem to have an Invincible tendency
to accumulate in stagnant masses in
stead of flowing out in refreshing
streams through the world, but it does
not look reasonable that it should take
as many thousand years to solve the
problem of distribution as it did for
that of production. Perhaps the solu
tion is already near at hand. Of course
the increase of population stands like
a lion In the way, but experience seems
to show that the desire which leads to
the undue multiplication of human be
ings dies a natural death with the rise
of the standard of living. It Is the
miserable classes who bring forth too
many .children. The way to put a
stop to the evil is to relieve their miser-,
and we may be sure they will
never revert to it through excessive
fecundity. This does not imply the
suppression of the desire for parent
hood, but the partial supplanting of
it by others. To the reflective mind
today the bugbear of Malthuslanlsm
which appears so formidable to the
old school economist, retains very lit
tle substance.
'BIRDS' RIGHTS."
Mr. William L. Finley. in a com
munication published yesterday, made
a plea for bird protection, the Justice
and advisability of which should
arouse the sensibilities and win the
consent of all but the most callous
hearted gunners and Inveterate pot
hunters. The occasion of the protest
was an amendment proposed by the
Oregon Fish and Game Association to
amend the present game law so a to
extend the' duck shooting season up to
March 1, thus inaugurating "Spring
shooting."
The logical time to shoot game
birds, says Mr. Finley, is in the Fall,
adding: "The breeding season is over,
the young birds are well grown and In
good condition. It is the beginning of
their struggle for life; only the fittest
can survive the Winter. They are of
the best blood. They have won out.
They deserve the reward of wild life.
It is unsportsmanlike. It is dishonor
able, not to recognize these bird
rights."
We can scarcely imagine a man,
even a professional gunner or pot
hunter, so steeped in selfishness as to
be deaf to this appeal for wild life.
Yet there are .those probably (It may
be feared not a few) who will persist
in the attempt to secure an amend
ment to the game laws of Oregon that
will permit them to shoot the ducks
that by a hard struggle have survived
the Winter, escaped until March 1 the
decoys and blinds of the artificial feeding-grounds
on their northward flight,
and are upon the verge of the breed
ing season.
"Is the Oregon Fish and Game As
sociation to be dominated by gunners
or by sportsmen?" asks Mr. Finley.
The question is one pertinent to the
subject of "Spring shooting." If an
swered in favor of the gunner, it will
place him in the category of the plumage-hunter,
who kills the mother
heron on her nest for the sake of the
delicate plumes that she wears no
other time, and the lout who draws a
bead upon a sitting quail and accounts
himself an especially lucky hunter if
the blood-bespattered eggs under her
quivering breast are still fit to eat.
MISUSE OF PfBIJC FINOS.
The ruling made by Judge Burnett
in the trial of the Ross case upon the
question of the right of a public offi
cial to make a general deposit of pub
lic funds subject to check was not only
in harmony with the Oregon Supreme
Court's decision upon the subject, but
was in accordance with good reason.
The Supreme Court held that a public
officer may deposit public funds in a
bank for safe keeping, provided they
are always subject to his order. This
does not mean a general deposit with
unlimited authority to the bank to use
the funds. The funds must be at all
times subject to the order of the offi
cer who deposited them.
It is difficult to find anything in the
language of the Supreme Court that
can be of any comfort to the man
agers of the Ross bank. Instead of
keeping the funds always subject to
the order of the State Treasurer, they
dissipated the funds, and when de
mand was made for redelivery they
acknowledged in writing that the
funds were gone. A general deposit
Is a loan, and nothing could be clearer
than that a public officer is absolutely
forbidden to loan public funds. Judge
Burnett ruled that since the Treasurer
had no authority to loan funds, he
could not vest such authority in the
bank. That is good law and good
sense. The defense in the Ross case
tried to read Into the Supreme Court
decision the declaration that a public
officer may turn public funds over to
a bank with unlimited authority to do
with such funds aa it may please. The
court never announced such a silly
principle of law as that.
The framers of the constitution and
the makers of laws of this state very
wisely provided a double protection
for public funds. They required that
custodians of public funds shall give
bonds and that violation of trust shall
constitute a crime, punishable by im
prisonment. Bonds are sometimes
found insufficient or bondsmen irre
sponsible. There is need, therefore,
for a criminal statute forbidding mis
use of public funds and prescribing a
penalty. In the present instance, it is
well known that, if Governor Cham
berlain had not compelled State Treas
urer Steel to increase the amount of
his bond, the state would have had
Insufficient security. Very frequently
bonds are found to be defective In
form. It was never intended that the
state should look to a bond alone to
prevent violation of public trust, but a
criminal statute was also enacted pro
viding punishment. The fact that a
bondsman makes good a loss is no de
fense to the crime any more than re
covery of the loot prevents the state
from tryingand punishing a house
breaker. To hold that repayment may
be set up as a defense would be to put
a premium upon crime. With such a
principle in force, a public officer
could safely embezzle the funds en
trusted to his care. If he got away
safely he would be so much ahead;
if he should be captured he could se
cure immunity by returning the money.
Tet that is the policy of law enforce
ment the defense in the Ross case ad
vocated. To the credit of administra
tion of justice in Oregon be it said that
they did not make this line of defense
win.
THE DEPENDENT CHILD.
The Juvenile Improvement Associa
tion tells its purpose in its name. It
Is under the direction of the Juvenile
Court, and holds monthly meetings in
Judge Gantenbein's oftice. Its work is
simple, practical, direct, and covers a
vital point in the present and future
life of the community and the state.
It is preventive, and, when necessary,
corrective, and in every way helpful
to the large, restless, inquiring and
imitative class in the welfare of which
it is interested and for the advance
ment of which it is vigilant, active and
untiring.
The delinquent child presupposes a
delinquent parent or parents, and
therefore may be said to be the com
munity's child the state's child. If
the community or the state becomes
delinquent in its duty toward the child
it follows that the interests of good
citizenship will suffer distinct loss.
with such added penalty as the cer
tain violation of law by the delinquent
child a few years later will necessarily
Impose.
The story has often been told of a
neglected girl known in the criminal
history of New Tork a century and
more ago by the nameof "Margaret."
A willful, eyil-disposed child, whose
parents were delinquent in the grossest
sense, this girl, a neglected waif of the
streets, grew to womanhood but with
a personality so strong that her vices
were distinguishing traits of charac
ter in her numerous descendants for
several generations. The records In
this instance show that, by reason of
the neglect of this one child, the com
monwealth of New Tork has paid In
money hundreds of thousands of dol
lars for the prosecution, incarceration
and support of criminals. The price
paid In suffering, in depredations upon
property, in murder and in community
taint. Is, of course, beyond compu
tation. :'.
The natural order of things followed
in this case, as in many others of
which no record has been kept. A de
linquent child of delinquent parents,
this girl descended rapidly in the
moral scale and became a degenerate,
the mother of degenerates.
The world has grown wiser from
lessons of this character. Hence we
see the best efforts of its humanitari
ans enlisted in the attempt to solve
the problem of the delinquent child,
looking not only to the welfare of the
child, but to the best Interests of the
state. The Juvenile Court is the latest
factor that has been brought into this
problem, and humane, philanthropic
and Intelligent men and women are
giving It their generous, unqualified
support.
Under this new regime the "Institu
tion," in which dependent children
were herded together and given such
care aa Ignorant, often brutal and sor
did attendants chose to bestow, has
given place to the natural and whole
some plan, outlined by Superintend
ent Gardner, of the Boys' and Girls'
Aid Society, in a recent address under
the head of "Placing Children in Fam
ily Homes." The great good that has
accrued to children that have been
carefully placed In homes by this so
ciety, by the Baby Home Association
and other societies having dependent
children in charge, has been reflected
in many instances already upon the
citizenship of the state, and upon the
basil of all good citizenship, its domes
tic and social life. In the words of
Mr. Gardner: "Placing children In
family homes is the proper and most
humane disposition- of the dependent
child." When he adds that none but
properly equipped organizations i. e.,
organizations that can and do follow
the child with periodical visitation and
careful supervision Into the homes to
which they are assigned for a specified
time, should attempt this work, he
states a fact so obvious that no argu
ment is needed to support It.
FOR SH EET CHARITY.
The Oregonlan has many times
taken occasion to bring before the
thoughtful, kind and philanthropic cit
izens of Oregon the purpose and needs
of that most tender charity dispensed
under the auspices of the Baby Home
Association. The purpose of this or
ganization is briefly and comprehen
sively expressed in its name. Its work
i3 systematically carried on In a suit
able and commodious building on a
site in what is known as the Waverly
tract, some three riTiles southeast of
this city, donated for that purpose in
March, 1888, by the late J. W. Kern
and Saiah M., his ife, as memorial
to their infant daughter, who died that
year. This building, supplanting a
smaller structure that had long been
Inadequate to the needs of the work,
was completed three or four years ago.
It represents the indefatigable effort
of years, constantly put forth by a few
and generously aided in times of stress
by the many friends of that most help
less and at the same time the most
promising class of dependents babies
who. through the common vicissitudes
of life, are bereft of parental care.
The Baby Home has at times, though
by no means all of the time, enjoyed
a modest annual appropriation from
the state: but it has no endowment
and" to maintain the standard of com
fort and care necessary to the health,
growth and happiness of its helpless
inmates, . its management has been
compelled to appeal to individuals
constantly for small monthly dona
tions, and now and then to the gen
eral public for a larger contribution
through some means of entertainment
provided for that purpose.
On Thursday evening of the present
week April 30 one of the most com
prehensive efforts ever made for the
Baby Home, and, indeed, for any spe
cific charity In the stafe will be made
through a grand charity ball to be
given by the Knights Templars fot
this purpose in the new, commodious
and magnificent Masonic temple re
cently completed in this city. The gal
lant and generous Knights of the Ore
gon Commandery have put forth, and
will continue to put forth, their best
efforts to make this ball a grand finan
cial success, and its social accompani
ments In every way enjoyable. Sweet
charity never arrayed itself in its best
garments, danced and feasted and
made merry in a better cause than
that which will lay gracious tribute
upon its presence and patronage upon
this occasion. The Oregonian be
speaks an attendance upon this ball
and entertainment worthy of this
cause.
BELITTLING PROPERTY VALTE9.
Frequent mention has been made of
the extreme modesty of the Portland
people who buy and sell real estate.
We assume that It is modesty which
induces them to have the ordinary
consideration named in the transfer
as $1, with an occasional outburst of
effrontery lifting that figure as high
as Ja, and at rare intervals to as much
as 110. Real estate is now moving
quite freely in Portland, but neither
the stranger within our gates, nor the
dweller In distant parts of the country
who gains his knowledge by, reading
the papers would suspect that such
13 the case. To be sure the transfers
for the first four days this week were
something more.than $200,000 and, by
Saturday night will probably show a
total for the week of about $300,000.
There is nothing remarkable in these
figures, but, if it were to be advertised
to the world that the $300,000 which
will show on the official records repre
sented transfers of property in which
the actual consideration involved was
far in excess of $500,000, the state
ment would be a pleasing one to send
broadcast over the land in these- quiet
times, when other cities are complain
ing of stagnation in business.
The "dollar transfers" for the first
four days of the week were forty-one
in number, and they represented 104
lots and one piece of acreage which
changed hands at $1000 per acre.
There was some Improvement in the
average on Thursday, for, while the
104 lots and the $55,000 worth of
acreage were only represented on the
records as valued at $41, showing an
average of 39 cents per lot, the dollar
transfers on Thursday showed an
average valuation of 50 cents per lot.
Included in these 39-cent lots was at
least one which could not be pur
chased for $25,000. The ten-dollar
transfers make a better showing, pro
portionately, for, while there were 19
of this class in the first four days of
the w-eek, they represented but 30 lots,
an average of slightly more than $6
per lot.
To summarize: for the four days we
find that, - exclusive of the acreage
sales and Sheriffs' deeds recorded,
there were filed for record, 200 deeds,
conveying title to 374 lots, of a total
valuation of $214,391. Of these, 140
deeds, carrying title to 240 lots, were
valued in the aggregate at $214,160,
an average of $900 per lot. The re
maining 60 deeds, conveying 134 lots,
showed a consideration of $231. an
average of $1.72 per lot. As these 60
misleading transfers included lots
valued at from $1000 to $25,000, it is
reasonable to assume that the average,'
based on a deed valuation that meant
something, would be as high as that
of the deeds which gave approximately
the real value. In other words, in
stead of the 134 lots being worth only
$231, as It appears on the records,
they were actually worth more than
$120,00Q, and had they been recorded
at their real value would have swollen
the transfers for the first four days
of the week, exclusive of more than
$60,000 worth of acreage, to approxi
mately . $335,000, or for the entire
week more than $500,000.
There Is, of course, no law which
will compel a man to record a deed
to a $1000 lot at $1000 valuation, but
it Is extremely difficult for the aver
age student of human nature to under
stand where anything Is gained by re
cording it at $1 or-$10. Every one
who is at all interested in the matter
can easily ascertain, through values
of adjacent property, what the lot Is
actually worth, and the only people
who are actually deceived are the peo
ple outside of the city, or the new
comers seeking Investment, and It is
questionable whether this kind of de
ception is of advantage In attracting
attention. If we belittle values and
cry down our own city, we can hardly
expect that our competitors will do
anything to set us right with the rest
of the world.
ANARCHY AND EDCCAIIOX.
Astounded at the widespread growth
of anarchy in this country. Govern
ment officials have taken steps to lo
cate the various groups of avowed en
emies of law and order and will keep
the upholders of the red flag in strict
est surveillance. So far as possible
the Immigration of anarchists will be
prevented and those anarchists al
ready In this country will be kept un
der control and will be compelled to
recognize the right of the people to
rule In accordance with fixed princi
ples of government. So far as force
and coercion can put down anarchy
public officials will accomplish that
end.
But anarchy can never be stamped
out by show or exercise of force. To
the man who feels the restraint of the
strong arm of the law, prosecution
soon becomes persecution and the
seeming persecution but increases his
determination. Force must, in the
very nature of things, be employed,
and yet it is but a temporary expedi
ent of limited effect. Anarchy can be
eradicated only when men have been
convinced that liberty cannot exist
without effective government, that
government stands for and attains
practical equality before the law, and
that anarchy leads to' injustice, rob
bery, riot and murder. The successful
campaign against anarchy must be
one of education an education that
convinces the mind and wins the
heart. The anarchist must be taught
to appreciate the blessings of govern
ment, -to love his country", to respect
the rights of his fellow-men. He
must be made to know his own rights
and, knowing, to dare maintain.
The campaign of education should.
and must, begin at the top. Anarchy
finds Its breeding-place among the
poor and ignorant. The effort to over
come it must begin among the well-to-do
and the educated. By precept
and example the latter classes must
lead the former in patriotism, integ
rity, obedience to law and observance
of the spirit of justice arid fair deal
ing. The college-bred man, the mil
lionaire, the captain of industry, must
demonstrate by his own conduct his
faith In government, his respect for
law, his sense of justice. The educated
man, whether he be a student in high
school or college, a lawyer, a doctor, a
teacher or preacher, must himself be
a supporter of law and order before
he can expect the ignorant to recog
nize and obey constituted authority.
The railroad magnate must yield obe
dience to the mandates of organized
society before he can expect his prop
erty to be protected from destruction
by the bomb of the anarchist. The
beneficiary of an exorbitant protective
tariff must give up his unconscionable
advantage under the law before he can
expect to see the anarchist desist from
proclaiming defiance to the lawmaking
and law-executing power.
Like the wild horse on the plains,
the anarchist must be restrained by
force, but before he can be made use
ful and reliable he must be trained by
kind hantis and be taught the ways
and th9 advantages of civilization.
There is probably no private busi
ness on earth that is conducted with
such a reckless disregard of expense
as is continually shown In the ordinary
transactions of the Quartermaster's
Departme.it of the United States
Army. Red tape Is, of course, respon
sible for much of the loss, for in the
Government service the rule that "a
pint's a pound the world around" is
still religiously regarded; but there are
emergencies when, were they so in
clined, the officials might break away
from red tape and exercise a little
common sense. The new ruling of the
department compelling purchase of all
Army supplies for use in the great
Northwest to be made at San Fran
cisco is a sample of the wasteful and
expensive discrimination that in the
aggregate costs the Government mil
lions annually. If this order is not
promptly rescinded and Portland bid
ders given an opportunity to quote
prices on Government supplies, the
California pull at Washington may be
regarded as invincible.
Anoyier cut has been made in trans
pacific wheat and flour rates, and now
the wheatgrowers of the great North
west, who suffer so keenly through
lack of an American merchant marine,
can ship their products clear across
the Pacific at $2 per ton, which is 50
cents less than it costs them to send
wheat to San Francisco In American
steamers. Of course It Is not a subsi
dized American fleet that is increasing
the profits of these farmers to the ex
tent of several dollars per ton, for the
vessels engaged In the trade are all
foreign craft owned by people who
make it a business to buy and sell
freight space and transportation, on
exactly the same lines as any other
merchantable commodity is sold. One
or two shipowners may be suffering by
these low rates to the Far East and to
Europe, but hundreds of shippers are
profiting by them, and are willing that
the whole world should compete for
the business of carrying our freight to
market.
The reputation of the Western Fed
eration of Miners has suffered se
verely through the leadership of such
men as W. I. Haywood, and In eject
ing him from Its executive board the
Federation will relieve itself of no
small amount of odium which his past
actions have cast upon it. With the
removal of one or two other shining
lights who have aided In disgracing
the organization, the opportunities for
the Federation to fill a respectable
place in the ranks of labor will be
vastly improved.
The boycott is sometimes a boom
erang. The editor of the Goldfleld
l.N'ev. ) Sun, who was forced out of
business by a labor union, has secured
a decision in the Supreme Court which
will enable him to recover damages
from the men who ruined his business.
As. a preliminary measure ho has at
tached $5000 funds belonging to the
union. "It is fun to hunt the tiger,
but when the tiger hunts you" well,
that is another story.
Secretary Metcalf is coming out to
San Francisco to review the battleship
fleet. While here he might with
profit to himself devote a few minutes
to study of charts and channel depths
of Pacific Coast harbors. As his rec
ord proves, it may be unnecessary for
the Secretary of the Navy to know
anything about the seaports of his
country, but at the same time 'the
knowledge would not be harmful.
Winston Spencer Churchill, who
made such a successful polftical cam
paign at Manchester two years ago,
has been defeated for re-election to
Parliament by a large vote. Particu
lars of the vote, like those from Mal
heur County, Oregon, are a little slow
In coming to hand, but it is presumed
that Winston had neglected to make It
plain that he was on a Statement No.
1 ticket.
"I would rather be wrong with four
battleships," cries Senator Piles, "than
right with two." Evidently he'll have
to be right with two. though It must
give him great pain to be right at all.
The Statement - No. 1 Republican
candidates in Multnomah have firmly
resolved not to knife the other Repub
lican legislative candidates. That's
very kind.
Salmon King Hume, of Rogue
River, Is building ttro gasoline
launches. He must be celebrating the
decapitation of Fish Warden Van
Dusen.
No technicalities help a man who is
too poor to be a banker and steals
bread to feed his stomach or a coat to
keep him warm.
That Puke of the Shonts, frirl is pit
ied by some persons on account of the
money he married but didn't take with
him.
Its really too bad .for Portland girls
that Captain Hobson did iot visit
Portland until after he was married.
The Orogon Supremo Court cannot
reverse the wholesome effect of
Banker Rosa conviction.
POTPOURRI
BT NANCY LEE.
Philosophical.
Professor (to spendthrift student) Do
you know that the Chinese wipe out their
entire indebtedness the first of each year?
Student Yes. but I'd rather be In debt
all my life than be a Chinaman.
Percival Do 'you take exercise after
your bath in the morning?
Cholly Tea; I frequently slip on the
soap.
At the Concert.
She I wonder where Miss B. had her
voice cultivated here or abroad?
He (stiflinf? a yawn) I should say at
the International Correspondence School.
Some people are so modest that they
refer to limbhorn hats.
!o man can expect to retain the Upper
hand with underhand methods.
Frank B. Riley, the well-known racon
teur, was the guest last-week at a dinner
given In honor of a bride and groom
elect. The latter, being called upon for a
speech, was obviously embarrassed and
unprepared, and after looking across the
table, remarked hesitatingly:
- "I will resign in favor of Mr. Riley."
"Oh. thank you so much," said Mr.
Riley, "but unfortunately I'm already
married.'
Slug: Me a Song.
Sing me li song of the elder days.
When this weary old world was young,
"When life was new.
And hearts were true;
When our laurels and bays were green
among '
The loves and hopes of the elder days."
Sing me a song of that rare first May
When we wandered at new-lit dawn
She with the shadows of dusk In her hair
And eyes likes the eyes of a wildwood
fawn
She was the future and all the past
With me In a garden fair;
There was no one to tell It could not last.
Just to live was so rare, so rare.
So sing mo a song of the elder days,
Croon softly a low refrain;
A requiem for Joys that will come no
more.
Lying wrecked on Death's far, untrod
shore.
Tour singing recalls them from out the
haze
Of the beautiful vanished elder days.
Every man thinks he looks like Napo
leon when he gets into his lodge regalia.
A retail merchant, tried recently in San
Francisco for arson, was questioned by
th presiding Judge and the following
dialogue occurred:
"What Is your name?'
"Isaac Cohenstein.
"Age?"
"Forty-seven
"Address?"
"Twenty-second and Valencia street."
"Business ?"
"Rotten!"
-
Fine feathers make fine birds, and In
cidentally a fine craft for milliners.
What an advantage Argus, with his
hundred eyes, would have had over mere
mortals at a three-ring circus.
A woman who smokes in this world will
probably smoke In the next.!
"Tt is never too late to mend" docs not
necessarily apply to long automobile trips.
"What is your name?" asked the Judge
of the shabbily dressed prisoner.
"Solomon Revcnsky."
"What is your occupation?"
"Junk dealer."
"What Is your religion?"
"Vot? I tell you mine name is Rven
skv. and that I'm a 1unk dealer, and you
ask mo my rlirhion? Ureat Mo5! Do
vou tirik I am a Scotch Presbyterian?
Possibly the future defeated candidates
will know better than to distribute their
photographed election cards.
Never stick a gift cigar in the mouth.
Bulldog, "With Jold ToofTn, Grliw.
Baltimore News.
Dr. J. W. Prall, a dentist, of Colum
bus, Ind.. who has fitted a goldi tooth in
the mouth of his pet bulldog, says the
animal frequently grins to show the or
nament. Praylnic Snow or Rain.
Baltimore News.
Sunday two ministers In Leesville, Col.,
prayed for rain or snow, and two days
later It snowed. One minister is puzzled.
A Rone of Beauty.
Denis A. McCarthy in the New York Sun.
Oh, sins me a song of beauty; I'm. tired of
the stressful sone. v
I'm weary of all the preaching, the arguing
right and wrong.
I'm fain to forget the adder that under the
leaf lies curled.
And dream of the light and beauty that
gladdens the gray old world!
Oh, sing of the emerald meadows that smile
all day In the sim!
The ripple and gleam of the rivers that on
through the meadows run!
Oh. sing of the sighing fcranches of trees In
the leafy woods,
And the balm for the heart that's hidden
afar In the solitudes!
The birds let them sing in your singing and
flash through the lines you write,
Ttve lark with his lilt in the morning, the
nightingale charming the night.
The butterfly over the flowers that hovers
on painted wing
All these, let them brighten and lighten the
beautiful song you sing!
And let there be faces of lovers, and let
there be eyes that glow.
And let there be tears of gladness Instead
of the tears of woe.
And let there be clinging kisses of Hps for
a time that part.
But never a tristful shadow to darken a
trustful heart!
Ay. sinr me a song of beauty away with
songs of strife!
Away wth the spectre of sorrow that sad
dens the most of life!
Though under the lenf the adder of death
and of doom lies curled.
Oh, si tie. for a space, of the beauty that
gladdens the gray old world!
The FlnUh of Spike.
Chicago News.
Spike Donahue wus awful tough.
An Spike Jet elorled in it.
His language, that wus hard enough.
His frown wus fierce, his voice wus grtiff.
H'd never take nobody's b!ufT;
He'd fight in ha'f a mint'..
You've seen, mnvhe, . wme tough uns. but
He wus the toughest sort of nut.
Spike went to sail the oshun blue
An' bmv the stormy weather.
The skipper trl:d tn put him through
As skippers very often do.
But Pplke hn all the touKher grew;
His hide got tanned like leather.
No ftst- an no belayln' Din
Would make a dent upon h!s chin.
Amvi? the cannibals he got
W it ri no or..; nigh to bender.
They tnk poor Spike, that Moom!n' lot,
An' heated up' som water hot.
Thn-ous-d him plump into the pot
An' b'iled him t'd an' tender.
Call me a liar if you like.
But that Is what they done to Spike.
VERSE
BT HARRY MVRTHT.
Said Caesar. "Wife, above suspicion you
must be.'1
"And how about yourself, dear Caesar,
pray?" asked she.
From hesitating Wisdom turns the crowd
To cocksure Folly, vehement and loud.
A noisy friend or two's acclaim
Is oft misdeemed the trump of fame.
An over-production of bread
Means the million who made tt aren't
fed.
Justice and love are blind, so poets tell.
And yet both see a glitter wondrous well
One's character" dependent not
On what one Is. but what one's got.
Proficient Is slander
To personate candor.
Albeit differing In name
Self-love and justice mean the same,.
If friendship you would win. please heed
Tou must not benefit your friend.
He'd hate you for it. Don't succeed,
T'would mortify him. To defend
Tou when by slander you're assailed
Don't ask him; look for him in fact
To credit It. And though he's failed
Tet on his counsel always act.
A legless man can argue well bow much
Inferior a leg is to a crutch.
Tout Podsnaps need, to quench the sun.
But shut their eyes, the trick ts done.
.
The rabble hate on not like the ma
jority; They fear what's strange may hide su
periority. '
To be slapped In the faoe, to folk of
sense
Were than a compliment much less of
fense. 'Tt time for tears and laughter, when.
At some disdainful lordllng's call.
With glad enthusiasm men
Hasten to rivet their own thrall.
'
A stupid book, tliank Heaven! we can
close
But O, the friend who never, never gtv
If fewer men were greedy
Fewer perhaps were needy.
A purpose mendacious
Knows how to seem gracious.
The thing that men fear most, disease.
Flood, fire. war. is it of these?
Plague, want, wild beast or venom d
ertake. Drouth, cold, whirlwind, earthquake?
Not these nor death, nor hell; more than
Aught else man fears the greed of man.
Who does the world's self-valuation heed.
Good easy man, is credulous Indeed.
A compliment for what we cannot do
Is thrice as gratifying as one true.
Appearances are to the female eye
The thing to Judge not what beneath
may lie.
Tomorrow discards
What today as truth guards.
Raoh generation deems its own
Goodness and fin the greatest knowv
Honesty is the only call
ing left with room enough for all.
The more ancient a tradition
The more needful is suspicion.
Discontent.
Once on time, unto a King
A son was born. The christening
Was being held. Great the surprise
When In its" midst twelve fairies rise.
A present each was seen to bear
For the fair Princling lying there.
Knowledge to please, a handsome fare.
Strength, wisdom, eloquence and grace.
Cm hirn in turn the fairies pour.
Then came the twelfth; the gift she bore
Was dternntent. The angry King
Spurned her and tim detested thing.
Perfect in powers grew the lad.
But satisfied with what ho had;
Content, good-natured, seeking naught
Tie ne'er his gifts unwonted thought.
Or wished to use. Tho good King
mourned
Too late the crowning gift hod scorned
Great is he
Knvy free.
To deem one's self above mistake
'S the crowning one of all to make.
Hush-money charity, it's all
A matter of bow much the haul.
Want a thing kept secret? it will sure
transpire;
Want to make it known? Tou couldn't
with a crhr.
Oft floods of malice meant to drown,
Have washed to power and renown.
Its eyesight must be poor
If friendship would endure.
"Be but yourself." tiio fool exhorts
"And pray, what's that?'' Wisdom re
torts. King" or cotter, none is free
From tomorrow's tyranny.
NEWSPAPER WAIFS.
Patience Which is your Rift to the brlrt.
dear? Patrice I don't know. There are
eight butter-knives, and for the life of me
I can't tell which is the one I sent.
Tonkers Statesman.
Miss Blondlock- How dare you tell people
my hair Is bleached? You know it is false.
Miss Ravenwing Yes. dear. I know it is. I
told them It whs bleached before you got
It. Philadelphia Inquirer. '
'T set m y boy to sawlu some wond to
day." said Farmer Korntnp. "Did ye?' re
plied Farmer Nearby. "I'll fend my tmy
over to help him if ye " "No. don't e
I want the Jnb did in a hurry." Philadel
phia Press.
"Don't worry." said the flnnncie'r. reas
suringly. "No matter linw money mat tors
go. I'll stick to you." 1-ater. the lamb had
occasion to remember this promise. 1 ! wus
kept, with the exception thnt the iinmi' ler
forgot that insignificant word "to." Clev e
land Leader.
The Literary Sweat Shop Fair Visitor
Why. 1 had no Idea that novels were writ
ten !n this way. Foreman of Slx-K-;t-Seller
Factory Oh, yes : at these murhines
they punch in the plots; across the room
they stitch In the description: the dta!oKtie
Is put hi by hand, and the whole then co-s
to the tinlshns room, where it ts sewed Into
etiapters. Puck.
Iove After Marriage.
Krncst McGaftey.
To b as charming in ynur hu-bmi'l's Bi!it
As erst you were when he your l er crime,
tio linger bv the mirror's polish r-d frame
And put all weariness to utter flight:
r0me with a smile and let your eyes be
bright.
Pe gav. be sad. but never be the ame.
And thus vnur lover you into Haim
F.Ipm lost niavhap bv bidding him too ijrht
nd this He vanity to ad-i a ros
T g'ow upon voi:r bosom, train yotir hair
Po in hi eve '' niiiy he partus fall -Whv.
let It stand; a woman l";tir l.novs
That c-arelesa hands and sloven tune In
dress
May mar the spell of her own luveUuess.