THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, FEBRUARY 23, 1908.
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rORTLANI), SUNDAY. FEB. 23, 1008.
NEW CURRENCY LEGISLATION.
. The Senate, it Is announced, will
i soon reach a vote on the Aldrich' bill.
i It is expected the bill will pass that
body. But the House committee on
; bunking- and currency, led by Fowler,
of New Jersey, is believed to be
' strongly opposrd to the principle of
, the bill, which, indeed, would only ag
gravate present currency evils. We
: ought to change the existing system,
i Tiflt Tint- nnnthp ntitnVi nn 4Kn .-,..... .
r- - lJ 1 - n WC ITQVUl
; rotten system, to which our periodical
financial upsets are due.
Credit currency ought never to be
, based on fixed securities of any de-
' scription. Such currency has periodi
cal "fits." Convulsions seize it, then
, torpor; till the situation finds relief
through clearing-house- certificates,
curtailment of business and long pe-
i riods of readjustment. In an address
to Congress the Merchants' Associ
ation of New York protests against
the Aldrich bill as affording no rem
edy, and being indeed worse than
none. "Rather," says this address,
"than accept legislation of the char
acter of the Aldrich bill, which we
feel In its ultimate results would be
most disastrous to the commercial in
terests of the country, it would be
preferable to have no legislation at
all, in spite of the manifest necessitiy
of some relief to the present Intoler
able situation."
The address is exceedingly clear. It
sets forth that the notes as well as the
deposits of banks are payable on de
mand, and that against these demands
there should be held only three forms
of security: (1) actual cash: (2) se
cured notes payable on demand; "(3)
commercial paper liquidating Itself at
par at the end of a short period of
months. There is a hopeless incongru
ity In tying up the assets with which
demand obligations must be met in
"long-term notes, bonds,, or mort
gages," which can be turned into cash
in times of stringency only "at sacri
fice of principal, if at all." This is
what causes suspensions. "Essentially
unsound," says the address, "Is the
principle that a currency should be
based on fixed securities 'of any de
'scr.iption; for these never can be
handled quickly enough to meet an
emergency."
. There is better judgment in the
House than in the Senate on this sub
ject due probably to greater freedom
from the vast speculative interests
V.n ...... -1 I IL. . ...
.urn i-tvki in me opportunities so fre
quently afforded under the present
system. The speeches of Fowler, of
New Jersey, in the House and out of
it, are admirable. Hill, of Connecti
cut, recently made in the House a
speech of remarkable analysis, clear
ness and power on the evils of our
present currency. We have already,
he said, some $1,300,000,000 of silver
and banknotes, together with 346,
000,000 of greenbacks, all redeemable,
ultimately, in gold; "and you now pro
pose." he said to the backers of the
Aldrich measure, "by one stroke of
the pen to add J500.000.000, and you
have not got a penny in the Treasury
as a reserve fund for it." Of this kind
of currency we have already more
than enough; one proof of which is
that the banks in January applied for
permission to retire $27,300,000 of
their notes., for which they could find
lio profitable use. The Aldrich bill,
he declared, would merely "provide a
cold-storage warehouse in the Treas
ury to carry more bonds waiting for
a market." We ought to have an end
of this business of issuing- notes to
make a rftarket for bonds. It only
makes every emergency a more se
vere currency congestion.
But currency based on quirk assets
will always be turned quickly, and
the notes will be retired as soon as the
need for them ceases. The security,
too, under good management, is abso
lute. It moves ail the time through
necessary liquidation of commercial
paper. The supervision of law, under
Intelligent direction, of course, is nec
essary. But are we to remain forever
behind the general intelligence of the
commercial and financial world, in
this most important, branch of modern
economics?
NO PARTY MEMBERS.
When Statement No. 1 was made
part of the primary law, it proposed
the abolition of political parties. Is
this what the people desire or expect?
A popular vote on Senator is to be
called in June, and Statement No. 1,
If taken by the candidate for the Leg
islature, whether the candidate be
Republican, Democratic or what else,
will oblige the candidate, if elected,
to cast his vote for Senator for the
man who may have received a plu
rality of the popular vote whether
he be Republican or Democrat and
of course, the man will be one or the
other. , .
Now the point, for the present, is
this: Since Statement No. 1 would
completely abolish distinctions of par
ty in the Legislature, why nominate
party members for seats in that
body? There will be no need what
ever for any person to be a member
of that body either as a Republican
or Democrat. Therefore it will be
wholly irrelevant to make party nom
inations for the Legislature. All that
can be required of any candidate un
der this system is his declaration that
he will abide by Statement No. 1.
Use of any party name by candidates
for the Legislature will not only be
meaningless, but absurd and ridicu
lous. No man running for the Leg
islature under Statement No. 1 has
any right to use a party name, or to
ask for votes under its sanctions.
Will it give - the state a Democratic
Legislature? Probably. Perhaps that
would be the right thing. But the
voters of the' state shouldn't desire
and expect one thing and so act as to
get another.
Under this system there ough to be
no party candidates for the Legisla
ture, and especially no Republican
candidates. The Democratic party,
having no responsibility, and skir
mishing for advantage, can do any
thing. NO NEED FOR IMMIGRANTS.
Immigrants have ceased to embark
for the United States at Antwerp, un
der the belief that it is very difficult
for common laborers to find work
here. This illustrates the good effects
that sometimes follow the presump
tion of disaster. It may be hoped the
belief that there are enough men in
the United States to meet all present
demands of labor will extend from
Antwerp to other ports from which
multitudes of foreigners set sail to the
United States every year under the
impression- that plenty of work, short
hours and high wages await their
coming.
With unrest verging upon outbreak
in the already congested ranks of la
for it would be well for all concerned
If not another shipload of immigrants
was landed In our ports for five years.
The country needs a breathing spell of
this kind and duration; labor needs
it and intending immigrants them
selves would be all the better for it.
The last thing that we need at pres
ent is an increase of the idle hordes
that stand upon the street corners,
hover about the billboards or hang
around the saloons In our large cities
waiting to be "hired."
Any considerable addition to these
forces under present conditions would
be a hardship and might become a
calamity to those alteady here. If
given reasonable time, the country
could assimilate its present gorge and
be ready for another installment, as
represented by the great influx of la
borers to our shores last year.
IS IT MONSTKOl'S?
Commenting lately upon the mur
der of the elder Hargis by his son, in
Breathitt County, Kentucky,-The Ore
gonian rather' pointedly remarked
that it would be desirable to execute
the young murderer as soon as possi
ble and" put an end to the whole per
nicious breed of Hargises. A contrib
utor takes us to task for this opinion
in the following delicate terms:
While read-ing your article "The Hargis
Breed' I could not help wondering how you
can keep your job and be such a monoter at
the same time. In Kentucky people kill their
enemies, while you want to kill young Hargis,
whom you have never seen, who has never
Insulted or Injured you. If young Hargis
belongs to a breed which seems "scarcely
human," where In ail the world do you be
long? Tou want to kill Hargis, Jr.; his
friends will naturally kill you, your friends
then, and so forth.
Is a cowboy on the plains a mon
ster because he shoots a rattlesnake
which has never bitten him? Is the
herdsman a monster who slays a wolf
which has never devoured one of his
flock? It is the nature of rattlesnakes
to bite and bf wolves to kill sheep,
and men shoot them not so much for
personal protection as for the safety,
of the world at large.. The Oregonian
has never suffered direct injury from
young Hargis, and never expects it;
still, it is far from being monstrous
for us to desire his execution. Left
alive, he would repeat the career of
his father, adding" murder to murder
and keeping the entire community
where he lives in misery. It is bt-
.ter that one man should die than that
many should be deprived of all benefit
from life. Society has Just as much
right to protect itself from savage
men as from savage beasts. The
mere fact that a. brute wears the hu
man form should not give him free
license to disturb the peace of the
world. His form' is an accident; his
disposition is a living fact that must
be met and dealt with.
There ii much idle' talk about the
sacredness of human life. Whether a
life is sacred or not depends upon
what kind of a life it is. Certainly
the life of a murderer is no more
sacred than that of his' "prospective
victim. A has as much right to live
as B on general principles, and if B
is a menace to A's existence, then by
natural law A has the right to kill
him. But the world doe3 not think it
wise to trust to A's judgment in such
matters. It has been found better to
erect a system of machinery for de
termining B's fate and disposing of
him.
There is a certain potential validity
in the common arguments against
capital punishment, but that potential
validity will never become actual until
we have learned how to educate the
inborn devllishness out of men like
young Hargis. The maxim that a
living man is worth more than a dead
one is deceptive. Some living men
are worth much less than they would
be dead. But that all living beings
contain possibilities of worth which
may be evolved and developed by edu
cation The Oregonian thoroughly be-
lieves. When we have learned to do
for our Hargises after their kind
what her teachers did for Helen Kel
lar, then we can talk rationally about
redeeming them to society, and not
before.
Capital punishment is a ' relic of
barbarism and a confession of social
failure; but since the failure exists, it
ought to be confessed. The main
purpose, after all. is to make common
existence reasonably secure. The exe
cution of murderers may be an ex
pensive way to secure this essential
end, but so long as we have no better
we must use it. To speak of reform
ing such hereditary criminajs as
young Hargis with our present meth
ods and appliances is folly. To per
mit them to live would simply multi
ply both their own misery and that
of the rest of the world. Until we
have become better pedagogues, capi
tal punishment is mercy all around
the circle.-
THE IDEAL CHURCH. '
The New York Independent on Feb
ruary 13 made room for a queer com
plaint by one of its contributors. Most
people find it sufficiently difficult to do
do their full duly by one church; this
astonishing person bewailed himself
because he could not belong to sev
eral. Was it his desire to have one
meeting begin, say, at 4 o'clock oh
Sunday morning, to be followed by an
other every hour, so that throughout
the' sacred duration of the Sabbath he
could pass from sermon to sermon
and enjoy perhaps a doozen in one
day? Nay, let us not think so. His
taste for a multiplicity of church con
nections did not seem to extend to the
sermons. What he wanted was to be
able to join the Methodist Church for
its ardent religious warmth, the Con
gregational for its simplicity, the
Presbyterian for its stern ritual, the
Episcopalian for its freedom from in
terference with conduct, the Catholic
for its historic magnificence, and so
on down the list.
What this dreamer of dreams would
prefer, were it possible, would be a
single church combining in itself all
the desirable qualities of the divers
denominations and excluding all their
defects. But he seems to discern, the
difficulty of organizing such a church
in the present somewhat primitive
condition of the Christian . graces.
Strangely enough, the votaries of the
religion of peace and love have al
ways shown an amazing propensity to
quarrel with one another; and the
more trifling the subject of the quar
rel the more bitterly it was waged.
These brotherly differences are now
less noticeable, than they used to.be,
but who would dare to assert that the
next twenty-five years will not witness
another world-wide religious war?
Gibbon rashly prophesied that there
would never be another great miltary
conqueror, but if he had lived out the
allotted span of human life he would
have seen his prediction refuted by
the rise of Napoleon. History is full
of surprises for our descendants, as
it was for our ancestors.
The dispersion of the Christian
world into a multitude of more or less
hostile sects has never pleased the
philosophical religionist. From the
date of the Reformation until now.it
has been made a reproach to the
protestants by their brethren of the
Church of Rome, and disinterested
thinkers among the protestants them
selves have united in deploring it.
But once a sect has been organized,
with its machinery in order, the prin
ciple' of self-preservation begins to
work for its perpetuation. Denominational-machines
are like those of
politics in this respect, and perhaps
others. They have not the slightest
wish to see themselves legislated out
of existence. New sects have gener
ally arisen from" the best of motives.
The impelling desire has almost al
ways been to organize a religious life
which would approach more nearly to
the ideal of the Bible. But of course
the difficulty has been to settle pre
cisely what the Ideal of the Bible Is.
Scarcely two men can agree about it,
and the unhappy result of each of
these attempts to abolish sectarianism
and establish a universal Biblical
church has been simply the produc
tion of another sect. Thus were the
Quakers organized by George Fox, the
Disciples by Alexander Campbell and
the Methodists bv John Weslev. It
' was the original purpose of all these
great men, not to excite further dis
union in Christendom, but to supply a
basis for universal union. Does their
failure prove that the Lord prefers to
keep the sects apart? Or does it
prove that the selfish quarrelsomeness
of human nature can withstand the
Almighty himself?
No one can doubt that in our day
Christendom abides its divisions with
restless disquietude. The tide sets
strongly toward federation, if not a
complete merger of the, sects. The
numerous bodies of Methodists grad
ually draw together, albeit with side
long glances of distrust and resurgent
memories of old feuds. The Presby
terian churches, which only differ
from each other in the first half of
their names, not at all in their creeds,
are coming together with ponderous
but inevitable submission to manifest
destiny. Within the next fifty years
we shall doubtless see this centripetal
force acting efficiently upon all the
Protestant denominations and the
names Methodist, Presbyterian, Bap
tist, will retain none but a histori
cal significance. They will- embalm
the memories of " half-f orgotten dis
putes over trifles. Whether we may
look for a reunion between the pro
testant world and the Church of
Rome is " an interesting subject for
speculation. There is a respectable
party in the Episcopalian Church,
which eagerly seeks reconciliation
with the elder body. Dr. Briggs finds
in the Pope the proper historic head
of Christendom, and would be ready,
but for some small difficulties of
creed, to cast in his fortunes with
Rome. The modernist movement in
the . Catholic Church is distinctly a
step toward the possibility of Christian
union, and we may well believe that
the present hostility of the Pope
toward the modernists is merely the
temporary product of misinformation
combined with some little natural irri
tation over the state of affairs in
France and Italy. The Catholic
Church has never yet made the mis
take of trying to wage a war of exter
mination upon the inevitable, and it is
reasonable to expect that it will not
do so in this ase.
Would the union of all Christians in
a single church be a good thing for
the world? Certainly It would save a
great deal of energy which the divis
ions waste. There would be fewer
preachers, but each one would gain
enormously in prestige and power.
There would be fewer church build-
lings, but they would be more magnifi
. cent, and we might expect, to see a
new dawn of ecclesiastical art. Very
likely also the pulpit would resume its
ancient domination over the pew and
the world would again take its leadej -ship
from the ranks of the hierarchy.
But does the world want to do this?
When the hierarchy had the leader
ship of mankind, where did It con
duct us? Modern civilization is the
fruit of a revolt from churchly
guides. If we should again accept
their conduct, would they lead us any
more wisely than before or to better
goals ? .
CRtME IS UNPROFITABLE.
Horace Greeley McKinley, who was
landed in the Multnomah County Jail
Friday morning, will without doubt
i freely subscribe to the belief that the
way of the transgressor is much
harder than it was before the days of
electric cables and international treat
ies and courtesies. With the experi
ence of his wild flight from Justice, of
weeks, months and years in which the
shadow of the law hung .heavy
around him by night and by day, Mc
Kinley will agree that the game was
not worth the candle. Returning to
the land of his birth, with a tarnished
name and depleted pocketbook. he
can appreciate the wisdom of Mira
beau's statement that "If honesty did
not exist, we ought to invent it as the
best means of getting rich."
The annals of crime are replete
with examples which prove beyond
any degree of doubt ' that, from a
purely commercial standpoint, there
is no money in crime. McKinley,
gifted with talents that commanded
recognition wherever he appeared,
would have made a success in any
legitimate effort to which he might
have devoted his attention. Good
looking, well educated, genial, and
with a personality that naturally drew
friends to him, he was much more
than ordinarily well equipped for the
battle of life; and, had he so elected,
he could have fought It out to a mag
nificent success. But there was a
weak spot In McKinley's nature, and
the bright lights and sweet music of
the primrose path' proved stronger at
tractions than he could discern in the
rewards which await honest endeavor.
He has had his wild fling down that
well-trodden path, and, like all who
dance, must now "pay the flddper."
The moral that can be drawn from
the experience of this remarkable
criminal should be much more strik
ing than that which is so plainly ap
parent when the common thief is
thrown into Jail for stealing some
thing valued at but a few cents. Here
was a man who, by birth, education
and early environment, was well qual
ified to distinguish that sharply-drawn
line between right and wrong. With
this advantage over the common thief
in his favor, he was, of course, in a
better position to realize the extent of
the reprisal he was inviting by his
departure from the ways of righteous
ness. Flying higher, he has had far
ther to fall, and the pain from the im
pact will be greater.
Unless the whitewash is applied to
McKinley in order that the tar can be
placed elsewhere, he will probably be
punished. The certainty of punish
ment, even more than its severity, is
said to be the best preventive of
crime, and this talented land-frauder,
who permitted his ability to drift into
improper channels, should pay the
penalty. He is still a young man,
however, and there will be time after
he has made the customary legal
atonement for him to begin over
again and make better use of his tal
ents. It would then be possible for
him to add to his demonstration of
the folly and unprofitableness of
crime another example proving that a
criminal can reform and become a
useful member of society.
BETTER THAN NOTHING.
The Burnham parcels post bill, just
Introduced in the Senate, is a step in
the right direction, albeit a short one.
It limits the privileges which it grants
expressly to persons living along rural
delivery routes. Merchants thus for
tunately situated may mail parcels
weighing up to eleven pounds at fair
ly reasonable rates, and other dwell
ers on the rural routes may enjoy the
same privilege. But the bill excludes
city department stores, nurseries,
seedgrowers, and everybody else not
actually domiciled somewhere along a
rural route, from the new mail facil
ities. Of course these restrictions are de
vised to throw the parcels mall trade
into the hands of country merchants
and compel farmers to pay two mid
dlemen's profits where one would be
equitable. As a sop to the country
storekeepers it may somewhat dimin
ish their irrational opposition to the
parcels post and align them with civ
ilization instead of the barbarous
greed of the hoggish express trust.
Even the stingy favors granted to the
farmers .by this Burnham bill would
be a great advance over present con
ditions and would be welcome every
where in the rural districts. Progress
comes to country dwellers in slow and
parsimonious driblets, but it Is not de
nied altogether, and for this they
should be thankful.
It is quite likely that this reluctant
concession to the farmers, if it passes
Congress, will be, like the first rural
mail routes, an entering wedge which
the importunity of the farmers will
driYehome. This Is the most hopeful
view of the case. Certainly, the dwell
ers in the country will not wait for
ever for the mail privileges which are
their just portion from the Govern
ment which their taxes, direct and
indirect, mainly support. It is high
time for Congress to realize that the
farmers are prepared to fight for their
right to decent mail facilities.
Portland can ill afford to lose such
men as E. M. Brannick, whose death
occurred yesterday. At 6.4, ripe in ex
perience, successful along approved
business paths, commanding the re
spect of the commercial Interests of
the entire Pacific Northwest, he
passed away at the height of life's ac
tivities. He was a sturdy, well-balanced
man with a firm grasp of affairs
that make for the permanent good of
a commonwealth. In htm there was
an unusual combination of aggressive
ness and geniality. His views on pub
lic matters ever commanded respect.
For these he fought tenaoiously, yet
without offense; for he was filled with
a spirit of high comradeship and he
laid hold on the affection of his fellow-men.
If he had political ambi
tions, he no doubt would have seen
them realized. He was the , type of
strong man to fill effectively the office
of Mayor in a progressive community
like Portland. He loved Portland
genuinely and had great faith in her
future. His fund of good cheer was
Inexhaustible and no one could re
main in his presence without feeling
its warmth. On his domestic side he
was the personification of tenderness.
His widow and son are entitled to a
large share of sympathy. Mr. Bran
nick was the rare type of business
man in whom were combined high
commercial ideals, civic pride and
personal honor.
Side lights on the life that is led by
the idle rich in New York are Shown
in the report of the tragedy wherein
a young and beautiful bride of less
than a year was asphyxiated. The
man who in the eyes of the law was
her husband is reported to have
passed the door of the room in which
she was found dead at 11 o'clock the
night previous, and, as he noticed a
light burning in her room, called out
"Good-night," manifesting no further
interest. The salutation was answered
and the man passed on to his room,
where, after 10 o'clock the following
morning, he was notified by the serv
ants that his wife was dead. The
obliging Coroner, as usual in such
cases, decided that it was a case of
accidental death. Whether this be
true or not, the unfortunate woman,
for whom the' marriage ties meant so
little, is the gainer by the tragedy.
Such incidents show the hollowness
and sham of Jife among New York's
400, and cannot but cause' true men
and women to thank God that there is
something in this life, besides wealth
and position.
Mr. Joseph L. Hammersly an
nounces himself as a Republican can
didate for the Legislature for Jack
son County, but declines to pledge
himself to Statement No. 1. This
moves the Medford Tribune to say:
"Then Mr. Hammersly, if elected, will
not consider himself the representa
tive of tho people, but merely of that
action of the people that call themselves-Republicans."
Then Mr. Harrj
mersly should not run for the Legis
lature as a Republican. Let him call
himself a man independent of party.
But he will not do this because he is a
Republican, and as a Republican can
didate he seeks election. Evidently
he is one of those who believe in hon
est, straightforward utterances in pol
itics. Senator Fulton's reply to Francis J.
Heney is an energetic and manly
statement. He is at some disadvan
tage, from the fact 'that the method
of writing is more tedious than that of
speaking, and many of the materials
he might have used. If at home, were
beyond his reach at Washington. The
reader who followed Heney's speech
throughout, owes it to himself and to
the spirit of fair play to read the re
ply. The entanglements of politics
make such a controversy difficult for
the reader. The upshot of the matter
is that Mr. Fulton's friends will still
stand by him, while his opponents
and enemies well," a man can't ex
pect anything but hostility from them.
The Pacific Railway & Navigation
Company, in securing right of way
for the seaside end of its line from
Portland, is guaranteeing that the line
will be completed and in operation by
January 1, 1909. As that date is only
about ten months In the future, it is
apparent that Mr. Harrlman expects
to begin very soon to make the Tilla-mook-Seaside
line to this city some
thing more than a red streak on the
map. Now that other persons are
making a move on Central Oregon, it
is not beyond the range of possibilities
that Mr. Harrlman will also find
means for carrying out his plans in
that direction.
A Japanese cook on a construction
car at Chehalis arrested four tramps
and delivered them to the Sheriff.
From a numerical standpoint this is
a very satisfactory showing. It will
not do, however, for our honorable
friends and allies, Who are just now
parading the opposite shore of the Pa
cific with chips on their shoulders, to
regard this simply as a mathematical
problem. One Japanese cook may
capture four American hobos, but it
would keep one Japanese soldier very,
very busy to capture one-fourth that
number of American soldiers.
It Is awfully Impressive to witness
the solicitude of the Democratic or
gans of the state for Senator Fulton.
They declare, trlstfully, that he is ru
ining his position and his chances for
re-election by not urging his friends
to come out boldly for Statement No.
1. It is evident these Democratic or
gans have fear that Governor Cham
berlain may be elected Senator,
through Republican delinquency a
misfortune they would avert, if their
earnest entreaties and unselfish coun
sels could prevail.
Following the lead of Astoria and
Eugene, Salem has raised $7000 for
publicity purposes. Eleven other good
Oregon towns should Join the proces
sion. To avoid offensive personality,
we mention no names except Albany,
Baker City, Pendleton, Union, La
Grande, Ashland, Medford, Roseburg,
Corvallis, McMJnnvlHe and Oregon
City.
R. P. Schwerin, managing editor of
the Harrlman alleged marine service,
announces that he will risk a trip to
Portland in the steamship Rose City.
Which naturally raises the inquiry as
to whether he was afraid to travel on
the old ship3 employed in recent
years.
There is a possibility that both Mr.
Harrlman and President Roosevelt
may be delegates to the Chicago con
vention. If they should meet on the
way, it is probable that the subject of
campaign subscriptions will not be
mentioned.
Hint to the Portland hard-pavement
trust: It is far more profitable
to do a lot of business at a fair rate
than none at all at prohibitive prices.
This isn't a season when progressive
property-owners enjoy being held up.
But wiy President Roosevelt find it
necessary to go to Chicago to prevent
Senator Bourne from stampeding the
convention for a second elective term?
They are getting up a new bever
age entitled "The Recall." It Is be
coming very popular in certain dis
tricts of Clackamas County.
And now Mr. U'Ren challenges
Judge AVllliams to meet him in debate
on Statement No. 1. How ambitious
in quest of famel
AN EXERCISE
A Short Chapter From
Aulus Gellius, a Roman writer, of the middle of the second cen
tury, A. D., left a work entitled "Noc.tes Atticae," which is one of
the most valuable relies of ancient literature. It. is not an original
work so much as a huge scrap-book, containing: anecdotes and argu
ments, bits of history, pieces of poetry, epigrams of many kinds, and
dissertations on various points in philosophy, geometry and grammar.
The following is the twenty-fourtR chapter of the first book. It con
tains three epigrams or epitaphs, with short commentary; the whole
almost inimitably elegant. The work is not usually accessible as a
school classic, though the style is not difficult, except in passages not
yet settled by scholars. Our students of Latin in the high schools and
colleges of the Northwest may perhaps be willing to attempt the ex
ercise of translation. The result will. repay them :
Tria epigrammata trium reterum poetarum, Xaevii, Plant I, Pacuvii,
quae, facta ab ipsis, sepulcris ipaorum incisa Hunt.
Trium" poetarum illustrium epigrammata, Cn. Naevii, M. Plauti, M.
Pacuvii, quae ipsi fecerunt, et ineidenda suo sepulcro reliquerunt,
nobilitatis eorum gratia et venustatis, scribenda in his commentariis
esse duxi. Epigramma Naevii plenum superbiae Campanae: quod tes
timonium esse justum potuisset, nisi ab ipso dictum csset ;
'Mortalis immortalis flere si forct fas:
Flerent divae Camoenae Naevium poetam.
Itaque postquam est Orcino traditus thesauro;
Oblitei sunt Romae loquier Latina lingua.'
2. Epigramma Plauti: quod dubitassemus an Plauti foret, nisi a It
Varrone positum fuisset in libro de poetis primo:
'Postquam morte datu'st Plautus, comoedia luget;
Seena est deserta: dein Risus, Ludu', Jocusque,
Et numeri innumeri simul omnes collaerymarunt.'
Epigramma Pacuvii verecuhdissimum et purissimum, dignumque ejus .
elegantissima gravitate:
'Adoleseens, tamen etsi properas, hoc te saxum rogat,
Utei ad se aspicias: deinde quod scriptu'st legas.
Ilic sunt poetae Pacuviei Marcei sita
Ossa: hoc volebam nescius ne esses. Vale.'
Bits of NonsenseVerse
Jabberwocky.
"Twas brillig. and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves.
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son'.
The jaws that bite, the claws that
catch !
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnateh!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought.
So rested he by the Turntiim tree.
And stood awhile In thought.
And as In u.fllsh thought he stood,
The Jabberwock with eyes of flame.
Came whiffling through the tulgcy wood.
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through, and
through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with Its head
He went galumphing: back.
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boyi
Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! calla-y!"
He chortled In his joy.
'Twas brillig. and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outsrabe.
LEWIS CARROLL.
'Tts- Midnight.
'Tis midnight, and the setting sun
Is slowly rising in the west;
The rapid rivers slowly run.
The frog is on his downy nest.
The pensive goat and sportive row.
Hilarious, leap from bougli to hough.
ANONYMOUS.
Lines by a Medium.
I might not, if I could;
I should not. If I might;
Yet if I should I would,
And, shoulding, I should quite!
I must not. yet I may;
I can, and still I must;
But ah! I cannot nay.
To must I may not, just!
I shall, although I will.
But be it understood.
If I may, can, shall still
I might, could, would, or should!
ANONYMOUS.
The Owl and the Pussey Cat.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of
money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked tip to the stars above.
And sang to a small guitar,
"Oh, lovely Pussy, oh, Pussy, my love.
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are.
You are!
Wrhat a beautiful Pussy you are!"
Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant
fowl.
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh, let us be married; too long we have
tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away for a year and a day.
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in the wood a Piggy-wig stood.
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose.
His nose.
With a ring at the end of his nose.
"Dear Pig. are you willing to sell for
one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy. "I will."
So they took it away and were married
next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince.
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand In hand, on the edge of the
sand.
They danced by the light of the moon.
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
EDWARD LEAR.
Sylvie and Bruno.
He thought he Baw a Banker's clerk
Descending from the 'bus;
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
"If this should stay to dine." he said,
"There won't be much for us!"
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
Ha looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage-Stamp.
"You'd best be getting home." he said,
"The nights are very damp!" '
Ho thought he saw a Coaeh-and-Four
That stood brside his bed:
He looked again, and found It was
A Bear without a Head.
"Poor thing." he said, "poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed!"
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
FOR STUDENTS
the Text of Aulus Gellius
"Were I to swallow tills," he said,
"I1 should bo very 111!"
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him In Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
"The one thing I regret," he said,
"Is that it cannot Wak!"
LEWIS CARROLL.
An Elcjjy.
On the Glory of Her ' Sex, Mrs. Mary
Biaize.
Good people all. with one accord,
Iamcnt for Mad.im Blalze,
Who ne,ver wanted a good word
From those who spoke her praise.
The needy seldom pass'd her door,
And always found her kind; '
She freely lent to all the poor
Who left a pledge behind.
She strove the neighborhood to please
With manners wondrous winning;
And never follow'd wicked ways
I'nless when she was sinning.
At church, in silks and satins new.
With hoop of monstrous eize,
She never slumber'd in her pew
But when she shut her eyes.
Her love was sought, 1 do aver,
By. twenty beaux and more;
The King himself has follow'd her
When she has walk'd before.
But now, her wealth and finery fled.
Her hangers-on cut short all;
The doctors found, whon she was dead
lier last disorder mortal.
Let ns lament, in sorrow sore.
For Kent Street well may say.
That had she lived a twelvemonth more
She had not died today.
OLIVER GOLDSMITH
Tli Purple Cow.
I never saw a Purple Cow
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.
G IS LETT BURGESS.
Little Willie.
Little Willie hung his sister.
She was dead before we missed her.
"Willie's always up to tricks!
Ain't he cute? He's only elx!"
ANONYMOUS.
Limericks.
There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger:
They came back from the ride
With the lady Inside,
And the smile on tho face of the tigpf.
There was a young maid who said. "Why
Can't I look in my ear with my eye?
If I give my mind to it, 1
I'm sure I can do it,
You never can tell till you try."
ANONYMOUS.
OKLAHOMA'S NEW HOTEL. LAW.
Calls tor Sheets Nine Fret Long; and
Sound Crockery.
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Oklahoma, the newest state, is so glad
to get from under the paternal roof of
Uncle Sam and into its own home that
it has been kicking up Its legislative
heels In rare ecstacy. It began by adopt
ing a Jim Crow law, and followed that
by prohibiting the export of natural gas.
This latter measure is in the nature of
pure exuberance, not born of necessity,
for Oklahoma has natural gas and hot
air to spare. Now the legislators have
enacted a law requiring hotels to supply
beds with clean sheets at least nine feet
long and prohibiting the use of table
crockery exhibiting visible cracks.
We assume, without Inquiry, the author
of this act does not live at the Elks,
where the sheets are ample for one, or at
the Capital City, where the tableware, at
least, is above suspicion. He must have
suffered elsewhere, probably not in Guth
rie. There have been times when bed
and board were difficult in Cleveland.
Nowata and Sapulpa; In the Spring
crockery might be damaged in transit on
any of thJ railroads, when the frost is
going out. But should the arm of the
law be stretched forth in any such tem
porary emergencies? We think not. We
feel sure the Oklahoma legislators have
a deeper grievance. There must be
somewhere, between Arkansas City and
Tishomingo, hotels whose sheets are as
short as Kansas grass west of Wichita;
whose cups and saucers are so gashed as
to leak tea and entrap Populist whiskers.
vly Found Art Treasure.
Boston Tost.
An old painting which has been hang
ing on the walls of the Puritan' Club
of Boston for 20 years past, to "fill up
the blank space." has been discovered to
be a genuine old master, none less than
the portrait of the great Cosimo de
Medici, ruler of Florence and Grand
Duke of Tuscany, by Anglnlo Bronzino.
The club ha refused an offer of Jio.CJO
for the painting. '