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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 10, 1907)
THE SUNDAY OKEGOXIAX, PORTLAND, NOVEMBER 10. 190T. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. INVARIABLY, IN ADVANCE. (By Mall.) Dally. Sunday Included, one year ? ltnt.y, Sunday Included, six months.... 4.25 I.nlly. Sunday Included, three raonthi. . E'ally, Sunday Included, one month.... 3 Iaily. without Sunday, one year Pally, without Sunday, six months.... S.-5 Dally, without Sunday, three months.. l-J Dally, without Sunday, one month.... Sunday, one year J "Weekly, one year (Issued Thursday)., l.o" Sunday and Weekly, ona year .S0 BY CARRIER. Pally. Sunday Included, ona year 'i? Dally. Sunday Included, one month HOW TO REMIT Seed postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. Give postofflce ad dress la full, lncludlnc county and etata. POSTAGE HATES. Entered at Portland. Oregon. Postofto as Second-Class Matter. 10 to 14 pases 1 cent 1 to 28 Pages 3 cents 80 to 44 Pager. cents 40 to 60 Panes ceo's Foreign poMage. double rates. . IMPORTANT The postal laws are strict. Newspapera on which postage la not fully Prepaid are not forwarded to destination. EASTERN BUSINESS OFFICE. The 8. C. Beekwlth Special Agency New Tork. rooms 4S-T.O Trll.une building. Chi cago, rooms 510-.M2 Tribune building KEPT ON SALE. Chicago Auditorium Annex. Postofflce News Co.. ITS Dearborn st. St. Paul. Minn N. St. Marie, Commercial Station. Colorado Sprints, Colo. Bell, H. H. Denver Hamilton and Kendrlck, SOS-912 Seventeenth street; Pratt Book Store. 1214 Fifteenth street; H. P. Hansen, 8. Rica, Geo. Carson. Kansas City, Mo. Rlckseeker Cigar Co.. Ninth and Walnut; Ionia News Co.; Harvey News Stand. Minneapolis M. J. Cavanaugu. BO South Third. Cleveland, O. Jamea Pushaw. SOT Su perior street. Washington, D. c Kbbltt House. Penn sylvania avenue. Philadelphia, P. Ryan's Theater Ticket ffice; Penn News Co. New York City L. Jones Co.. Astor House; Broadway Theater News Stand; Ar thur Hotallng Wagons: Empira Newa Stand. Atlantic: City, N. J. Ell Taylor. Ogden D. L. Boyle, Lowe Broa., 114 Twenty-fifth street. Omaha Barkalow Broa, Union Station; Uageath Stationery Co. Ies Moines. Ia. Mose Jacob. Sacramento, Cal Sacramento Newa Co., 43ft K street; Amos News Co. Salt Lake Moon Book Stationary "Co.; Rosenfeld & Hansen; O. W. Jewett. P. O. corner. I.os Angeles B. E. Amos, manager ten street wagons. Han Diego B. E. Amos. Long Beach. Cal. B. S. Amoa. San Jose, Cal St. Jamea Hotel News Etand. Dallas, Tex. Southwestern Newa Agent. El Paso, Tex. Plaza Book and News Stand. Fort Worth, Tex. F. Robinson. Amarlllo. Tex. Amarillo Hotel News Stand. New Orleans, I-a. Jones News Co San Francisco Foster Orear; Trvy News Stand; Hotel St. Francis News Stand; 1.. Parent: N. wheatley; Falrmount Hotel News Stand; Amoa Naws Co.; United News Agents. 11 Vi Eddy street; B. E. Amos, man ager three wagons. Oakland. Cal W. H. Johnson. Fourteenth and Franklin streets: N. Wheatley; Oakland News Stand; B. E. Amoa. manager five wagons. Goldfleld, Kt. Louie Follln; & E. Hunter. Eureka, Cal. Calt-Chronlcle Agency; Eu reka News Co. - PORTLAND. SUNDAY. NOV. 10, 1907. ' MR. LAUD'S OFFER. It Is scarcely necessary to call atten tion to the statement offered by Mr. "William Ladd, published today. It will be read and considered for what It contains, without reference to any comment - The Oregonian may make. That la to say. It carries Its own mes sage, and needs from The Oregonian no exposition or interpretation. Yet a word may be said. Mr. Ladd guarantees that the depositors on sav ings' account shall be paid In full. This by no means includes all deposi tors; since there are many who had commercial accounts, and others who were attracted by the advantageous terms which they expected to share without risk to themselves. These are to have the advantage in the settle ment that . will flow from relinquish ment of the Ladd security on the Mar quam block, which should be worth the amount It stands for In the ac count. Though Mr. Ladd cannot hope or expect that his proposal will escape all crlttelsm, yet The Oregonian will say It Is sure the offer is made from a sense of duty, not merely to the credi tors of the bank, but to the whole pub lic. The sacrifice he makes is a heavy one; and unquestionably a lead ing motive In it is his desire to make the present difficult financial situation. In which the whole community is In volved, easier, or less tense, than It has been. The Oregonian believes the action he takes will contribute very much to this end. By this offer Mr. Ladd no longer stands, as a preferred creditor, with security from the Title Guarantee & Trust Company; and moreover, he as sures payment In full, within two years, to those holding accounts In the savings department. It will ma terlaly help and hasten liquidation, and may be the means of bringing full payment within a reasonable time of all claims. Of the status of the state's funds nothing is said; for that is a matter beyond Mr. Ladd's suggestion or control. It probably will be a sub ject of negation. The Oregonian will only say further that it deems the proposal of Mr. Ladd creditable to him, and reasonable In the circumstances: though it may not go so far as some will desire. AGAIN THE OKEOON APPLE. An event of commercial Importance and of. local pride will be the apple show to be made In this city within a few days. Willamette Valley apples . will be presented upon their merits and judged accordingly. Mr. Lowns dale, of La Fayette, an enthusiastic apple-grower, and an earnest advocate, both by precept and example, of grow ing, not good or better, but the best, apples makes many practical sugges tions ip regard to commercial packing and a proper exhibit; and If other Wil lamette Valley orchardists share in his enthusiasm the exhibit will be the most attractive ever seen here. This is not to say that- Willamette Valley apples are superior to those grown in other sections of the state. Growers make this claim, it Is true, but it is offset by a similar claim, bagked by a magnificent exhibit of fruit made by apple-growers from 1Kp--h and Southern Oresron and from Hood River. The Oregonian takes pleasure In the belief that the claim of superiority in this line Is well sustained in every quarter. It lifts Its voice in tribute to the Oregon apple, whether grown in the Hood River Val ley, on the Irrigated lands of Umatilla County, on the slopes of sunny South ern Oregon hills or on the fertile or chards of old Yamhill, Marion, Benton and Polk. We are here to say that such Spitzenbergs," Jonathans. Bald wins, Yellow Newtowns and all the rest of the preferred apple stock, that will be shown this week, were never grown outside of Oregon orchards. Remembering a criticism of the management of the apple shows last year. It may be suggested that samples of the fruit that Is commercially packed and shown be made accessible to visitors so that the flavor of the Oregon apple may-be attested by the taste, even as its beauty charms the sight. Seeing is believing, but the cli max of belief In the supremacy of the Oregon apple can only be reached through a chance to sample the splen did fruit. THE TIME AND THE MAN. President Roosevelt will relieve the West, whose money Is locked up in the East by plungers, operators and specu lators, and by the banks which they control. He will do It by Issue of money from the Treasury to Western banks, on the ample securities they are able to produce. The East Is not merely a hog in this business. It is a hog and a woodrat and a pirate, with the characteristics and practices of all these. The desperate gamblers of the East ern centers are confiscating everything they can lay their hands on to save the remnants of their plunder. This Is the reason why no response Is made to calls from the West; either on money loaned or on bills of lading or any kind of bills. Shipwrecked pirates are struggling to snatch every plank. Hence the President's announcement that fair play Is to be enforced, through the Treasury. That Is the East must meet Its ob ligations, or money the- deposits of the Government will be withdrawn from them and placed in Western banks, which can furnish as good, or even better, security. It is no small matter to have a man in the highest executive office who knows how big this country. Is and what Is due to all parts of It. EDWARD VII. Yesterday was the sixty-sixth birth day of King Edward VII of Great Brit ain and Ireland. Somewhat mature when he ascended the throne, there had been little In his previous tastes and habits to warrant the assumption that he would fortify the power and enlarge the Influence of his country; but Edward has done both. He found England diplomaticaly Isolated. To day there Is no power in the civilized world with stronger alliances. At Ed ward's accession Germany dominated Europe and there was nobody to with stand the arrogant tendencies' of the Kaiser. Today Germany stands alone in the diplomatic world. ,The Kaiser Is no longer arrogant, or, If he Is, everybody understands that he is merely trying to "save his face." King Edward Is acknowledged by everybody to be the foremost of living diplomatists. Through his maneuvers the balance of power in Europe has been shifted. France has been re stored to her rightful place In the fam ily of nations. Russia has been checked, thwarted and reduced to beg an alliance with England, whom in former years she never ceased to threaten. Italy has been withdrawn from the disastrous triple alliance with Austria and Germany and set at liberty to develop her career unhindered. Ger many has been placed in a position where It will be very difficult for her to lay violent hands upon Holland at the demise of Wilhelmlna, ;.nd the Scandinavian Peninsula has been at least; ln'some measure, fended against the advance of Russia. All this Ed ward has done in Europe. In America, he lias cemented the bonds of friendship with the United, States until most observers agree that war between this country and England is no longer thinkable. In Asia, In stead of pursuing 1 the foolish policy which tends to make Japan our enemy and cause the United States to pull Russia's chestnuts out of the fire, Ed ward has cherished the friendship of the rising island empire. Such are some of the deeds of King Edward VII. Not many monarchs have la bored no noMy and successfully. May the years of his reign be many and may they all.be filled with work such as he has been dlong in the past. CARING FOR THE COCNTY'S POOl. Tha findings of the Taxpayers League In regard to the management of the Multnomah County poorhousa are creditable to the persons In charge of that institution and gratifying t taxpayers generally. It being conced ed by the existence of the poorhousa" that the public has an obligation to discharge toward the human derelicts that are stranded on the shores or floating about on the sea of life, it fol lows that this obligation should be dis charged considerately, economically and humanely. Beyond this nothing Is required, though much more is often asked by persons who, unable to com pass a comfortable abiding place and a decent living for themselves, demand much more than "the comforts of life when the community undertakes to care for them. It is not any part of the purpose which the county farm and poorhouse represent that this place should be made the abode of able-bodied shift lessness, or that inmates who are able to help, to the extent of waiting upon themselves, and to assist In some measure In the care of the aged and helpless paupers, or In the work about the farm, should be carried along In Idleness. Neither is It intended that such Inmates receive pay for perform ing such service as they are able to render. Employment,, when the work required Is not beyond the strength of the pauper, -is a blessing to the Indi vidual, and Its' performance Is but sim ple justice to the taxpayer. The small salaries that are paid to several In mates for service performed, however, are perhaps an incentive to and possi bly a guarantee for the performance of such duties as are required of them with care and cheerfulness. In this view the payment of these salaries small at best may be regarded as money well spent. It has cost the county, something over $5000 more to run the poorfarm during nine months of the current year than for the entire year preced ing. It is explained that this in crease in expenditure was legitimate, being due to needed Improvements, keeping the salaries account up to the demand of prosperity and to the nor mal Increase in other directions. Upon the whole, if the findings of this com mittee are even approximately correct, and there is no reason to doubt this, the showing Is satisfactory as such things go. . CRISES ARE UNLIKE. On the superabundant resources of our great country plungers and gamb lers speculate to excess, get vast sums tied up in or pledged to unrealizable schemes, alarm the people of small resources for the safety of their money in the banks and start a panic that runs over the country as fast as elec tric currents can carry it. In old coun tries the conditions of such a panic cannot exist. In them there are no great undeveloped resources to con stitute such basis for speculation; nor Is there such loose banking as we tol erate. To float their schemes the opera tors obtained access to great trust and other funds, and have depleted them President Roosevelt has been called a "spoiler" and a "destroyer," because he has awakened the country to these operations and has denounced them. It has been said that he Is "utterly ig norant of what credit is." But the kind of credit that he has Interfered with, or interrupted, was simply the basis of plunder. It is shown that, promoters have gained control of banks in all our cities, more or less, but chiefly in New York, in order that they might ' use depositors' money to bolster up their speculative projects. These projects have gone Into every sphere of activity, from Ice trusts to meat trusts, from consolida tion of vast railroad and Bteamship schemes to copper and timber and coal land operations; to attempts to "finance" lands yet to be "bought and tilled and crops yet to be . grown. In New York and the example has been widely Imitated the practice has been to use the stocks and securities of one bank as a basis for loans with which the promoters bought control of, an other, and so on, till the chain was completed a chain, of course, no stronger than its weakest link. Thus, under lax official supervision, or none at all, there have been great opportu nities ror plungers to "finance" their schemes with other people's money. Finally, the people took alarm. Why shouldn't they?. The present is an unusual crisis, for it Is the first time a crisis has come about in this- way. The reason Is the producing causes and the conditions the cause's were working in, never be fore were the same as now. There never before was so ' much frenzied financial nor so much irregular bank ing. The fact Is that financial crises furnish few resemblances to each oth er, and no complete parallels. They are notable chiefly by contrasts. Every one that occurs presents important dif ferences from every other one that has occurred. This means that they are due not so much to changing physical con ditions as to the variations of the hu man spirit and changes of the methods of its operation. One lesson of this panic seems to be that since it is unlike every other we have known, we have not exhausted every kind of panic yet. " Nor shall we, till our country becomes old. Its nat ural resources largely appropriated and the human spirit settled and sub dued, as in old countries, to the stable elements it will be forced to york In. But meantime we can learn banking better, can guard It more closely and rationally; and we must do It. HIGH FINANCE FOR THE FARMER. Farmers have learned several valua ble lessons from railroads, and there Is no reason why they should not learn more. They have learned, for exam ple, that It Is a matter of economy to establish a road grade with as small a rise as possible, thereby Increasing the size of the load that may be hauled and decreasing the cost of transporta tion. Perhaps a rancher might get a useful hint from the practices of the railroads in what Is commonly called high finance. A railroad company se cures a road at a moderate cost, capi talizes it at fabulous figures, and then proceeds to make it pay dividends on that-capitalization. While it, is true that the farmer has not as many op portunities as the railroad to do this, for the reason that he enjoys no right of eminent domain and does not hold a monopoly of the business in his par ticular territory, yet he might accom plish something . by establishing his capital at an imaginary valuation, as the railroad does. For example, if he has land worth J 50 an acre and paying interest on that amount, he could re solve, as the railroal does, that his property is w;orth $500 an acre, and proceed to make it pay interest on that sum. Of course he would have to change his methods somewhat. He would have to do a lot of thinking and studying. Crops, that require large acreage for small returns would need to be abandoned and Intensified farm ing adopted. The man who makes J50 land pay Interest on $300 is the gainer in two respects he has the larger income and the value of his . property has trebled. To make $50 land worth $500 does not require, as one might suppose, an additional investment of $450. Nor does the farmer who oper ates $500 land work more hours a day than the man who operates $50 land. The chances are he works less. As compared ' with the railroad operator, the farmer is under the disadvantage of not being in a position to compel the public to take his wares at his price, but he has an advantage that perhaps offsets this, In that he need not worry over indictments, investiga tions and possible conviction and fines. Then, too, his conscience will com mend rather than condemn him. In stead of robbing some one, he has added to the wealth of the country. His property has an actual value equal to the capitalization upon which he determined when it was actually worth only $50, for he made It pay, in a legitimate manner. Interest oi, $500. A little high finance of this sort will do a great deal for any a;jrlcultural community. The farmer who says "My land is worth $50 an acre be cause It pays Interest on that amount" has a wrong conception of values in these days of manipulation. He should say "My land is worth $500 an acre because I can and will make it pay In terest on that amount." And when he does make It pay interest on the higher valuation, as many a farmer has done, he will find some one ready with the cash in hand to buy the land from him at that price. LIARS. The fame of Ananias was never earned. That He of his which has made such a stir adown the Christian ages was but a puny effort. In fact, he never told a lie at all. He simply kept back part of the money which Peter wished him to deposit in the new socialistic bank he was founding. In the true spirit of high finance, Peter wanted all that Ananias had, and, not being able to get it, he used language of such vigor that poor Ananias "fell down and gave up the ghost." How Mr. Ryan, Mr. Harriman and our other financial luminaries must envy Peter this power of language. Think of the lawyers' fees It would save them, not to mention bribes to Legislatures and City Councils, if they could make re calcitrant contributors "fall down and give up the ghost" as Ananias did by a simple objurgation such as Peter used. But what is there in all this to entitle Ananias to the fame he enjoys of being the greatest liar of all time? Nothing; absolutely nothing. Justice demands that he be dragged down from the pinnacle of glory where he has so long stood and some more worthy man exalted in his stead. WThere shall a worthier be found? Circumspice. Look around you a lit tle. There are dozens of living Amer ican citizens who are vastly better en titled to the glory of giving their names to this organization than the ancient Jewish humbug who has impu dently usurped the privilege. The Standard Oil Company employs a corps of atele attorneys, any of whom can at a moment's notice reel off a string of whoppers that would make Ananias swoon with helpless envy. They not only can do this, but they have repeatedly demonstrated their power by actual performance. The habit which prevails among historians of giving all the glory to ancient Jews and Greeks and all the hard work to moderns Is entirely unjustifiable. In our opinion when a man displays bril liant ability as a liar he ought to have the credit of it, even If he Is still liv ing. Of course the biblical liars as a class are entitled to our reverence because they are in the Bible, but their pro fessional merit was slight. Jacob's trick by which he euchered Esau out of his Inheritance may pass. It was well enough for the primitive day when it was worked; but it would be entertaining to see how much more deftly and rapidly Mr. Rockefeller or Mr. Ryan would reach the same result. Truly the world advances. The art of stealing as well as that of lying has progressed enormously since Jacob swindled his brother out of his prop erty and Laban cheated Jacob out of his promised bride. In those times they used to keep accounts by making little heaps of pebbles. Suppose the accounts of the New York street rail way trust had been kept' thus; how embarrassing It would have been when the necessity arose to burn them. Sup pose the books of the Government land department had been kept on brass or marble slabs as the ancient custom was; how would a departing official have obliterated his tracks? It will be readily seen from these suggestions that the art of keeping ac cbunts and records has wonderfully improved In modern times. Not less has the art of . lying, and its kindred art of theft, progressed. Some prob lems connected with the practice of mendacity which greatly harassed the early Christians have been brilliantly solved by our devout financiers of to day. Thus we now know exactly how a man must go to work to be at the same time a dauntless liar and an ex emplary, church member. We also un derstand how he can practice theft and piety simultaneously without either interfering In the least with the other. Our modern liars surpass the ancient ones in skill and courage fully as much as electric communication excels couriers on foot. The .art has been benefited by the application of the great principle of the division of labor, or specialization, to use a more learned term. In the pagan world it was udual for the same man to prac tice all the various branches of men dacity, but under the beneficent influ ence of Christianity the. miscellaneous liar has fallen Into disrepute. To be respectable In the practice of men dacity one must specialize as he must in law or medicine. Thus the finan cial liar not only enjoys high worldly repute, but he amasses great wealth, as a rule. .The same Is true, though In a lesser degree, of the legal liar. But who has any respect for the miscel laneous inventor of purposeless false hoods? Like the germ of typhoid fever, he flourishes in filth. Trouble Is the breath of his nostrils and public dis tress rejoices his heart. If he sees a man cashing a check at the teller's window the liar forthwith shouts that there is a run on the bank. He is fer tile in tales of Imaginary evil, but by no chance does he ever invent a good report about anything or any man. He flourishes both in the city and the country. He wrecks the credit of a merchant and the honor of a woman with equal zest. He knows the motive of every action, both public and pri vate, and it Is always vile. According to the miscellaneous liar nobody ever does a good deed or thinks a good thought. Everything Is corrupt. Every man is false and venal. Every mind Is occupied in planning evil. He sees the world awry because his own soul is poisoned. The dark picture which he mistakes for the deeds and motives of his fellow-men is nothing more than the outer projection of his own despicable heart. Bad as he sees the world, he Is always trying to make it worse. The- noxious product of his energy is poured out In a stream which never falls. Legal and financial liars practice the art for the sake of what it brings them In money and power. The miscellaneous liar practices it be cause' ho loves it. He lies for the sake of lying. Mankind -has always been charitable to those Who sin greatly for ambitious ends. The petty rogue who sins because he hates virtue it has al ways detested. , Seven men lying In jail at Oregon City awaiting preliminary trial for the murder of Singh, the Hindu, who was shot at Boring, form a sad and sug gestive object-lesson In Halloween mis chief culminating In crime. Th in comprehensible thing about this mat- ter, after the most Incomprehensible act of firing into a shack In which 1 harmless Hindus were sleeping after their day's work, is the fact that I a father and two sons are among me lawless raiders of the .Hindus' home. The man who Is old enough to be the father of two grown sons, and who yet does not know enough not to partici pate In an outrage of this kind, Is not likely to learn wisdom from added years. Upon the man'Vather than the boys the burden of penalty for this most 'heinous and unprovoked crime should fall, whatever that penalty may be. It is not enough that the .rats that infest the city should be killed, if w would ward off the bubonic plague. The carcasses of the pestilential crea tures should be cremated. Further more, they should be handled with care, with rubber-gloved hands, tongs, sticks anything to avoid touching them. It seems hardly necessary to be specific In this matter, since even when there is no danger from plague, few people will pick up dead rats with bare hands. However, it Is well to emphasize the danger that is held to exist. It Is better. In view of possible consequences, to exaggerate than to minimize it. Let rats be pursued with vigor, slain without mercy and cre mated without delay; and see to it that, living or dead, they are not touched with the bare hands. . Farmers of the thrifty sort are to be congratulated. Not only do they own their homes, stock and other working material, and have their Winter's luel and provisions in store, but they are able now to get men to work In clear ing land, building fences and plowing, at wages that they can afford to pay and still have something left for them selves. "There will now," says Mrs. Waldo, state lecturer of the Grange, "be men to do work on farms," add ing: "I have ten miles of fencing on our farm that I have not been able to get done. I could not even get the posts made, yet now I have two men at work making posts." Another note of encouragement is sounded in the announcement that it is now possible to get men to cut cordwood. So it seems the panic has Its blessings. A pioneer women of this city, well known and well beloved, passed away on November 9, when Mrs. Lorena Holcomb answered the final call. A resident of this city fifty-five years, Mrs. Holcomb had seen the pioneer village grow into a commercial city. Though nearly sixty-seven years old at the time of her death, she survived her mother, Mrs. Susan Barker, but a few months. The latter died at the age of 85 years. The life record of such as these make up the great volume of the history, written and unwritten, of the state and community. "God help the rich, the poor can beg," Is the motto o'f Wall-Street. It doesn't appeal to President Roosevelt. So he determines to send money from the "Treasury directly for deposit In Western banks, on sufficient and law ful security. The man of the peoplo is in the Presidential office. We could have Tom Johnson's three cent car fares in Portland If operators and promoters here had not capital ized the car lines three times over, sold them and the franchises and put into the charter a provision that the fares should not be less than five cents. The banks of San Francisco are In as sore straits as those of other cities of the Pacific Coast. There isn't much plain- sailing, In open sea, around here, anywhere. But there will be. W have the commodities the world must have, and they will bring the monev. Senator Heyburn, of Idaho, is doing just the right thing. He Insists that the East Bhall send back to the West its money. . Also that till this Is done, the Treasury must supply money to the West and cut the East out. Secretary Cortelyou, standing by the West In this stringency, will not lose popularity. Its evidence may not be manifest next year, but George Is young and can afford to wait for his reward even until 1916. ' President Kerr, of Oregon Agricul tural College, warm his students against the vice of betting. That's right, boys. Keep your clearing-house certificates and some day you'll have money. The throne of Germany Is not likely to be without an heir. The Crown Princess Cecelie gave birth to a seco:.d son yesterday. The firsi born of the imperirfl pair Is 16 months old. A Connecticut preacher has raised his entire salary by consistent prayer for a year. That's the way the preach ers in Portland raise theirs, we believe. Also by rustling. General Booth- regrets that he can't be an American citizen. Despite statutory provisions, he is a citizen of the world, and a mighty good one. Grants Pass opened Its new theater with a free -performance. Let us re joice over one community in Oregon that puts art above the dollar. Carlisle 23, Harvard 17. And yet you hear Intelligent statesmen, educa tors and publicists declare that Indians never can be civilized. The first son of the German Crown Prince was born July 4, 1906, and the second son yesterday, which was a le gal holiday In Oregon. The "biggest diamond" has been given to King Edward. It Is proba bly the moonstone of Wllkie Collins, the novelist. The motto "In God We Trust'" has been abandoned in minting new United States coins. Perhaps that's what's the matter. November hasn't been a good month for Presidential booms; plain folk have had something else to think about. . When the present clouds blow away Oregon will hear from the 4000 home seekers who arrived last month. Manager McCredle announces that he has engaged an Indian pitcher. What, another one? And this week the big: rd applo will be king. SILHOUETTES BY ARTHUR A. GREENE. Governor Campbell, of Texas, refers to Senator Joe Bailey as "a liar, a bribe-taking scoundrel, and a coward." With these exceptions It Is to be assumed that Gov ernor Campbell thinks Joe is all right. Just- why the Ute Indians should be on the war-path is not clear. They haven't any gas bills nor paving tax. Their wives don't run bills with the milllnor. The price of fuel doesn't bother them and they haven't any money In any busted bank. Silly asses to go on the war-path. Sartorial Show Note. Latest entries ,in Class A for best dressed man In town prize an $11.73 suit of evening clothes: Harry Litt, William Bernard, Chester Murphy and Dr. J. Whiteomb Brougher. c It is frequently the woman with the Presbyterian face who has the Turkish disposition. Overheard in the Elevator. First Physician Good morning. Doctor: What's the good word? Second Ditto The epidemic is spreading. Ten new vie patients today. First Physician How are they? Second Ditto (smiling) Pretty bad. First Physician Fine! Ground floor. All out. e e It Is now up to the bankers and the turkeys to walk the floor. Seldom a. day passes that each of us does not dig a, new grave In the place of Dead Hopes. Cheap men seem to have a genius for getting their picture in the paper. A clear conscience Is a good bedfellow. a Some are born handsome and others lucky but the majority seem to have been born with dyspepsia. v see Isn't it about time to drive poor old John L. Sullivan out Into the paper snow? . . . , Keep a stout heart. Doctor Munyon still lives. The population of Portland is subdi vided into two ' grand divisions. Those who went to the horse show and those who didn't. ' - - The married woman's idea of emancipa tion is to go to the club meetings and tell what a mean devil her husband is. Edward VII. of England was 66 years old yesterday. Long live the King and may he continue to behave himself. Hospitality. The missionary said, and he mean It, too. To the Umlot of Swat: "What can I do To make you better and happier? You Need helping, I'm told, and I love you more Than a son ol my own. Pray tell me true." ' Said the Umlot, who longed for a nip of gore : "I'll have a cutlet or two on you." And they listened to the lion's roar. After a man passes 30 he begins to lose Interest in college yells. Ngw that the horse show is over it may be possible to hire a skate at the livery stables. This is the season when tiie stewed prune comes Into Its own at the boarding houses. The announcement that Mabellc Gilman Corey is writing a book is grand news. I'll bet Richard Watson Gilder and W. D. Howells will be Just crazy about It when It comes out. Funny how enthusiastic Congressmen become over Uncle Joe Cannon's boom for President about the time the new committees are to be made up. It Is better to have loved and lost than to pay alimony. DIVIDENDS KEEP RIGHT ON. . Just a Little Spell of Bad Weather, Soon to Be Over. Columbus (O.) State Journal. The movement of stock values Is a cu rious study. Here we are In the midst of a great shrinkage $3,000,000,000 in New York, and $1,060,000,000 In Boston, It is said, and similarly all over the country. This would indicate an enormous loss, as if a wide-spreading flame or a wrenching earthquake had been devastating the land. But prosperity seems to keep up its pace. Business is going along as usual. Honest Investment seems to fare pretty well. The crop and industrial reports are very encouraging. The par stock that fell to 90 cents keeps on paying its 6 per cent dividend. What is the matter? It is very much like a case of weather. It may be a long dry spell, or a wet spell, or persistent storms with snows and blows, and every thing putting on the hue of a bad out look. Fellows will go around, shaking their heads and saying, "It's awful weather," "The corn crop's bad," "There'll be no potatoes," "Don't know what people will have to eat," and so on; but, in the meantime, the earth dances along its starry path, happy as a lark, and handing out to the people great Hits of sunshine, big dishes of potatoes and corn dodgers till you can't rest. And so we say, the stock market is like a spell of weaher. A fellow sees thi de clining quotations, and hears the mutter Ings of the speculators, and listens to the roar of the bears down In the Wall street canebrakes, but every three or six months the mall carrier brings him a letter Inclosing a five or six per cent dividend, which he changes into bacon, potatoes and calico for the family, and then looks about with an air of satisfac tion, and wants to know what all this hurly-burly in the stock market means. He' doesn't know, but he knows as much as any of them. - Real Baseball Nine In Family. - Omaha (Neb.) Dispatch. Mayor J. M. Grace, of Mascot, Neb., who is the father of 12 children, all of whom are living, la the manager of a baseball team, and thinks of starting out next season with a nine of his own. One Might Marrr One'a Cook Washington (D. C.) Post. ' Now that the Ringling Brothers have virtually organized a circus trust, all the necessaries of life, except good cooks, seem to be under the control of an octopus. . A Woman's A are, 'Over 30. Washington (D. C.) Post. When a woman la over 30 she con ceals her age, but when she Is over 100, she brags about it. GOOD VERSE LITTLE BILLEE. There were three sailors of Bristol City Who took a boat and went to e. But first with beef and cantaln-s Biscuits And pickled pork they loaded she. There was gorging Jack, and guzzling Jimmy. And the youngest he was little Blllee: when the'd K"' as far as :he Equal r Tney.d nothing left but one split pea. Says gorging Jack to guzr.llu.- Jimmy. I am extremelv hungaree." ..?r.g'n5 Jark "a" suzzling Jimmy. Wave nothing left, us must eat w. Says gorging jack to guzzllr.g Jimmy. With one another we shouldn't agreet There's llttla Bill, he', yuns aim tenaer. Vte'ra old and tough, so let's eat he.- "O. Billy! we're going to kill and eat you. So undo the button of your chemie." When Bill received this information He used his Docket handkerclite. "First let me say my catechism Which my poor mother taught to me." "Make haste, make hHste." says guzzllne; Jlmmy, While Jack pulled out his snlckersnoe. Billy went up to the main-top-gallant mast. And down he fell on lils henJen knee. He scarce had come to the Twelitu Com mandment When up he Jutnpfl "There's land I see." "Jerusalem and Madagascar And North ai:d Sout:i Amerlkee. There's the British flag a ridln- at anchor. Willi Admiral Najicr, K. C B." So when they got aboard of the Admiral's. He hanged fat Jack and flogged Jlmmev, But as for little Bill he made him The Contain of a Seventy-three. WILLIAM MAKEPEACE TH ACKER AT. WIDOW BEDOTT TO ELDER SNIF FLES. From "The widow Bedott Papers." O Reverend sir. I do declare It drives me most to frenzy v To think of you a tying thera Down sick with lnfluenzy. A hody'd thought It was enoush To mourn your wive's departcr. Without alch trouble as this ere To come a follerin' arter. But sickness and affliction Are sent by a wise creation. And always ought to be underwent By patience and resignation. O. I could to your bedside fly. And wipe your weeping eyes. And do my best to cure you up. If't wouldn't create aurprlse. It's a world of trouble we tarry in. But. Elder, don't despair; That you may soon be movln' again la constantly my prayer. Both sick and well, you may depend You'll never be forgot By your faithful and rffectlonate friend, P- ucllla Pool Bedott. FRANCIS MIRIAM WHITCHER. SALLY SIMFriir'S LAMEXT. Or John Jones' Tlt-Cat-Astrophe. "He left his body to tne sea And made a shark his legatee." Bryan and Perenna. "O what Is that comes gilding In. And quite In middling haste? It Is the picture of my Jones. And painted to the waist. It is not painted to the life. For Where's the trousers blue? O Jones, my dear! T dear! my Jones. What Is become of you ?" "O Sally, dear. It Is too true The half that you remark Is come to say my other half Is bit off by a shark. "O . Sally, sharks do things' by. halves. Yet most completely do! A bile in one place seems enough. But I've been, bit la two. "You know I once was all your own. But now a shark must share! But let that pass for now to you I'm neither here nor there. "Alas! death has a strange divorce Effected In the sea; It has divldrd me from you. And even rae from nie! "Don't fear my ghost will walk o'nlg.ns To haunt, as people sly; My ghost can't walk, for, O, my legs Are many leagues away! "Iird ! think when I am swlmmtng rouno And looking where the boat 1 A shark just snaps away a half, Without 'a quarter's notice.' "One balf Is hero, the other half Is near Columbia placed; O Sally. I have got the whole Atlantic tor my waist. "But now. adieu, a long adieu! I've solved death's awful riddle. And would say more, but 1 am doomed To break off In the middle." THOMAS HOOD THE WILL. (The following will, by which a large fortune was bequeathed, was proved In IJoctors' Commons. London. 1737.) The fifth day of May Being airy and gay. and to hyp. not Inclined. But vigorous mind. And my body In health. I'll dispose of my wealth. And all I'm to leave On this side of the grave. To some one or other. And I think to my brother. Because I foresaw That my brethren In law. If I did not take care. Would come In for a share; Which I no wise Intended Till their manners were mended. Of that there's no sign. I do therefore enjoin. t And do strictly command. Of which witness my hand. fhat naught I have got Be brought to hotch-pot; But I give and devise As much as In mo lies To the son of my mother, ' My own dear brother. To have and to hold. All my sliver and gold. Both sutton and potten. Until the world s rotten. As the affectionate pledges Of his brother. JOHN HEDGES. NONSENSE. Good reader. If you e'er have seen. When Phoebus hastens to his pillow. The mermaids, with their treeees green. Dancing upon the Western billow; If you have seen at twilight dim. When the lone spirit's vesper hymn Floats wild Along the winding shore. If you have seen through mists of eve The fairy train their ringlets weave. Glancing along the ppangled green; If vou have seen all thl. and more. God bices me! what a deal you've eeenf THOMAS MOORS HOW II HAPPKNKD. From "The Knight and the Lady." Adam and Eve were, at tho world's beginning. Ashamed of nothing till they took to sinning! But after Adam's slip the first was Eves With sorrow big. They sought the fig. To cool their bluahes with Its banging leaves Whereby we find That, when all things were recent (So paradoxical la human kind!) Till folka grew naughty, they were, barely, decent. Thus, dress may date ltd origin From sin; Which proves, beyond the shadow of dispute. How many owe their livelihood to fruit: For fruit caused sin. and stn brought ahama. And all through shame our drop'sea came, With that said stopper of our breath. Death! Now. had not woman worked oir fall. How many, who have trade and avocatlona. Would shut up shop. In these our polished ra tions. And have no business to transact at all! GEORGE COLMAN. Red Indian Tribe, Mormons. Baltimore News. A remnant of the once powerful tribe of Catawba Indians is still in exist ence, ocupying a reservation of about 600 acres in York County, South Car olina. Most of them are Mormons In religious profession.