I
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, OCTOBER 13, 1907.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.
IKVAJUABLY IN ADVANCB.
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Sunday, one year 1.60
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PORTLAND. SUNDAY. OCTOBER IS. 160T.
FOR THE STATE'S REVENUE.
It Is a notion widely held that the
way for a state to obtain the revenue
necessary for its general purposes Is
to tax public service corporations. In
Its ultimate this method would, of
course, throw the tax back on the peo
ple who pay the freight; but that ulti
mate would be very distant In time,
and the present and actual effect of
such tax would probably be to reduce
the opportunity for making excessive
gains by those who manipulate stocks
and bonds.
In this way. The enormous for
tunes are not made directly out of the
profits of railroad earnings, but out of
reorganization schemes, vast new is
sues of stocks and bonds, and the like
expedients which never should be al
lowed except by open methods; under
strict supervision of law. Tet the
earnings, present and prospectfve. sup
ply the fulcrum of these methods of
reorganization and inflation. Let It
be .known that the corporations,
through taxation of their earnings,
are to be required to supply the reve
nue necessary for the state, and It will
become more difficult to move the
schemes and unload the new issues on
" the public. The tendency, under close
regulation, will be to bring the service
down to actual cost with addition of
fair profit. The whola work will be
tentative, largely, for It must be settled
by experience, on lines of Justice, to
the public and to the railroads. So
great have the abuses become, so enor
mous are the fortunes accumulated by
those who have made opportunities to
enrich themselves at the expense of
the public service, and of Investors' In
terests, too, that the public attention
Is thoroughly aroused and the public
mind made up. Tl.e corporation Is
not to be despoiled, but protected, be
cause It Is the chief agency of indus
trial civilization. But the "Inner cir
cle" Is to be suppressed.
Twenty years ago the Legislature of
Oregon appointed a commlsjlon to In
quire into and report on a system of
taxation for the state. Two of the
members of that commission were the
late Henry Falling and the late Judge
Strahan. In the report of the com
mission taxation for state purposes of
public service corporations was one of
the methods recommended; but cor
poration influence was present in force
at the Legislature, and the whole plan
was quietly strangled. Through the
present Initiative plan the recommen
dations of that commission could get a
hearing before the people.
CLOUDY IX ONE PLACE.
The secret of President Ripley's
fears for the country's Immediate
financial future which he took great
pains to exploit In the newspapers, Is
out at last. In the Federal Court at
Los Angeles, his company has been
found guilty of rebating and the Santa
Fe now faces the problem of paying
fines which may reach more than a
million dollars.
No wonder Mr. Ripley Is weighed
down with doubt as to his ability to
raise money in these circumstances.
Perhaps, like Mr. Rockefeller, he knew
his corporation would be found guilty,
and with keen remembrance of the
fine Imposed on the Standard Oil by
Judge Land Is, he had no reason to
expect leniency from the Southern
California court. If long-continued,
flagrant violation cf United States stat
utes adversely affected the credit of -j
great a corporation as unwatered
Standard Oil, what would be the prob
able effect of similar lawbreaking on
the Santa Fe's watered securities? Mr.
Ripley could imagine, and his knees
knocked together.
In the Santa Fe's predicament, he
falsely mirrored the whole country.
And yet the Ooulda have no difficulty
In raising money to push the Western
Pacific to the Coast; the Chicago. Mil
waukee & St. Paul has called no halt
In Its march to Pacific Coast waters;
Moffatt. of Denver, keeps advancing
steadily toward Salt Lake; the lines
controlled by Hill are paying extra
dividends and he is opening up new
territory all the time, and every North
ern railroad has more freight offered
than It has motive power to handle.
Over the Santa Fe general offices
clouds are lowering; elsewhere the sun
is shining.
CANDIDATES AND PLEDGES.
A valued correspondent, who has
a notion that he may desire to become
a candidate for the Legislature next
year, wants the advice of The Orego
nian aa to whether or not he shall
sign Statement No. 1. He finds some
difficulty in subscribing to that Justly
celebrated pledge because he may
thereby be required to vote in the Leg
islature for a Democrat. Being a Re
publican, and the Senatorshlp being
essentially a political office, he thinks
that he could not thus conscientiously
go with Statement No. 1 to its logical
conclusion. The correspondent finds
objection also to the pledge taken by
many candidates In Multnomah
County and throughout the state last
year, known as "Republican voters'
choice." He thinks that conditions
might arise where' It would be awk
ward and well nigh Impossible to carry
out the terms of such a pledge.
He is right. Such conditions might
easily arise. Suppose, for example.
that the Republican primary nominee
for Senator should "be defeated at the
succeeding June election. If the Re
publican nominee shall thus fail, it
will be because the people do not "want
him for Senator. There Is no other
interpretation to their verdict. Yet
the member of the Legislature who
has subscribed to the "Republican vot
ers' choice" pledge would be In the
position of having to cast his vote In
the Legislature for a candidate whom
the people do not want and whom they
have said they do not want. The Leg
islator can do naught else if he keeps
his word, i If he doesn't want to keep
his word, he would better not In the
first instance tie himself up with any
such conditions.
The Oregonian Is not ready to pre
scribe any form of pledge or state
ment for Republican candidates to
sign. Tet, if they think they must go
before the people on some kind of a
written declaration, it ought to be per
fectly easy for them merely to add a
condition to Statement No. 1 whereby
they agree to vote for the so-called
popular choice for United States Sena
tor, provided he shall be tha Republi
can primary nominee.
LAMENTING HIGH WAGES.
What are we coming to, when hired
men on the farm refuse to milk cows
and the farmer or his wife must do
that work? This Is a question agi
tating the folk in the country, and
we find Editor Geer, In the Pendleton
Tribune, commenting on it as follows:
The scarcity of men has caused wages In
many nines of business to become almost
prohibitive and In the end it appears the
goose that la. or was. laying the golden egg
for laboring men will be slain by Its bene
ficiaries. When a hfred man on the farm refuses to
milk cows, and It Is a common situation every
where, what la to be done? la adversity a
necessity? Must hard times come again? Ia
It neoeesary that men shall be forced to work
before they will?
What would the sturdy pioneers of Oregon.
or of other portions of the United States,
long since dead, the men who made states
and worked sixteen hours to do so. think
of the "hired men" whose ' time clock tight
ens up at S In the afternoon and who con
siders milking cows beneath his dignity?
A man who works for another man
uses his hinds a limited number of
hours each day, either eight or nine
or ten. But when ha works for him
self ho keeps at it Just as long as
light holds out or his strength lasts.
This difference Is quite Interesting to
behold. But when work grows scarce
the difference diminishes. The toiler
then labors more for himself, since he
does not confer so visible a favor on
his employer by entering his service;
rather the favor is the other way.
It should not be forgotten that if
farmers are distressed by the present
situation their hired men are pleased.
This situation is Just what the hired
men long have wanted. They dreamed
of it when they demanded Chinese ex
clusion, and still they dream of it
when they demand Japanese exclusion.
The real, gerfuthe reason for exclusion
avoidance of race conflict and race
war does not appeal to them so much
as the advantage (to them) of high
wages and short hours, consequent
upon labor scarcity.
This country was not settled by men
and women who worked only eight
hours a day. Nor are new farms be
ing created by men who work only
that length of time. Every man who
refuses to work longer than that for
an employer would resent any at
tempt so to limit his time, were he
working for himself. There Is no help
for it, however, and farmers must
make the best of the hard situation.
There may be partial compensation in
higher prices for grain, vegetables,
fruit, milk and cattle. Farmers seem
to be doing what they can in that di
rection. ' RATS.
Among the pests that annoy man
kind and use its food supply is the
rat,, together with his cousin, the
mouse. In Portland rats recently
have been gnawing through lead pipes
in their frenzy to get water after poi
soning. This has made trouble of a
new sort. It has not been known
here that the teeth of rats could cut
lead pipes. The little animals have
been associated with men for so many
ages, however, dodging traps and ruses
set for their destruction, and have
accommodated themselves to so many
changes in their habitation, thai they
have become exceedingly clever. Men
have been unable to exterminate them
either with traps or poison or disease.
Their near relations, the mice, while
perhaps not so troublesome, are yet
an annoyance , to many housewives,
who have found it Impossible to drive
them out. And the little rodents are
quite as clever in dealing with their
human patrons as their cousins the
rats.
There are two species of house rats,
the black and the brown. Both came
from Interior Asia, probably China.
The black migrated first, reaching Eu
rope about the year 1500. The brown
came about a century later. Their
transfer to America soon followed,
through their well-known habit of in
festing ships. The brown rat was sup
posed to have comj into England
from Norway; hence wes called Nor
way rat and is so called to the present
way. It is considerably larger than
the black rat. la stronger and fiercer,
and has driven out Its weaker rival
wherever the two have come together.
Both are extremely prolific. The fe
males bring forth between twenty and
fifty annually. In' litters of from ten to
fourteen each time.
Rats feed on almost anv vim. rf
food. They have frequently become) a
scourge to rarmers oy infesting in
large numbers grain fields and store-
nouses, iney devour eggs, kill poul
try and gnaw through very hard sub
stances to obtain food. They are
creatures of unusual intelligence and
many tales are told of their skill fn
detecting the approach of danger and
avoiding It. Sometimes they have
been known to make migrations In
large numbers. A few cases have been
recorded of men who have succumbed
to attacks of hordes of rats. Neglect
ed babies have been known to be killed
and eaten by them. Every boy has
learned their ferocity when Kiav ni-A
cornered or driven to bay.
mis pest has been a destructive
agent in the srren.rl nf inhnin nu,.
Fleas, which In turn Infest the rats!
oeen round to be prolific breed
ers of the plague germ, and the rats
themselves perished In great numbers
"urn Liie disease.
Other creatures h
dwell with man. thnnerh nnt on
them are pests. The dog, the horse.
mo uB, me goat, the duck and many
others have accomnanlfid Vitm ,
have the flea, the bedbug, the codlin
uiuiu, mo apnis. jLilkewlse the many
germs of fever and plague.
It does not seem, therefore, that the
wona was made for man alone, nor
even mat man was made for himself.
Even little fleas have lesser fleas, "and
so ad infinitum," as Swift tells us.
Ana enough the Lord maketh the
earth empty and maketh It wasta an
turneth it upside down and scattereth
a.uruau tne innaoitants thereof," the
rats and the fleas and th favra kk
up again with man and follow him
everywnere.
YORK TOWN.
The 126th anniversary Of the snrreTV
der of Torktown will soon be here and
preparations are making to celebrate
mat ae,isive historical event In a fit
u"8 manner, jur., M. G. Wells, in his
recent book on America, says that we
do too much of this celebrating; or, at
any rate, that we are too much occu
pied with the glories of our past and
too little concerned, with the problems
of our present. In his opinion we
waste a great deal of energy elorifv.
lng the civic triumphs of the fathers
which might better be spent retrieving
the civic defeats' of their children; but
Mr. Wells Is an Englishman and It is
natural for him to look rather sourly
upon a celebration of Bunker Hill or
rorktown. Certainly if we use the ex.
ample of the past as an incentive for
the future we cannot make too mnoh
of It. Of course there is some danger
mat we may coma to fancy that our
inherited merit absolves us from th
obligation to acquire new merit of our
own, but one can hardly believe this
clanger to be serious.
The fact probably is that the early
history of this country is growing dim
to the rising generation. Citizens of
recent foreign origin cannot be expect
ed to know very much about it, while
the millions of immigrants who enrich
the country with their manhood and
vigor year by year know nothing at
all. Very likely there are today more
American voters to whom George
Washington is but a name than there
are of those who can intelligently nar
rate his deeds. The eliminating pro
cess of time which consigns to inevita
ble oblivion the vast majority of hu
man names and achievements has left
but two of the Revolutionary heroes
with a world-wide fame. Washington
is one. Franklin the other. Perhaps
in Europe .Franklin is better remem
bered than Washington, because he
was a many-sided character eminent
in diverse fields, while Washington
snone neither in literature nor in sci
ence, nor had he the opportunity to
impress his personality upon foreign
nations, like Franklin. That his per
sonality was of almost unparalleled
greatness is evident from the testi
mony of his contemporaries, who ac
cepted him for a leader as if by some
law of nature. Their deference to
Washington's character has come
down to us by Inheritance; but Euro
peans have heroes of their own, and to
them Washington is but one am one
the many men who have lived noblv
and served their country well.
Whether he or Franklin played the
most Important part in the Revolu
tionary struggle it were Idle to debate.
Single-handed, America could not
have achieved Independence. Even at
Yorktown, with all the advantages on
our side and with the aid of Cornwal
11s' manifold blunders, the siege could
not have been successful without the
aid of the French fleet. So long as
the British were masters of the sea
they could capture at their leisure the
towns along the coast and foil every
effort of the continentals to retake
them. And, inasmuch as there were
at that time no cities in the interior,
the conquest of the coast meant the
conquest of the colonies. It meant
also, in the long rnn, the control of the
Interior, and that, too, without the use
of arms. . The need of markets would
have compelled the men of the in
terior to submit to the rulers of the
coast, Just as, long afterward, the pos
session of the mouths of the Missis
sippi barely missed giving the great
West to Spain. Many times In the
course of history the force of eco
nomic laws has exceeded the force of
gunpowder or rendered It superfluous.
If, therefore, we say that the gen
eralship and fablan statesmanship of
Washington were Indispensable to
American Independence, the same Is
true of Franklin's diplomacy. His di
plomacy won for us the French alli
ance and the aid if the French fleet,
which wrested the command of the
sea from the British, saved from cap
ture such cities of the coast as had not
yet been taken, and compelled the sur
render of Cornwallls at Torktown. It
Is partly because the services of Wash
ington were more Intimately domes
tic and more striking that we accord
to him a certain predominance over
Franklin. His rejection of a possible,
though not a probable, crown has also
Illustrated his renown. The man who
puts away a crown seems to us some
thing more than human. The crown
which Washington put away was
scarcely substantial enough to be
tempting, but he actually did decline
something like) royal honors, and we
must not seek to diminish the glory
of his self-denial. Whether we might
not have made swifter strides toward
genuine democracy under a monarch
than under our present Constitution is
a question which it would be foolish
to raise.
European nations under the govern
mental form of monarchy have sur
passed us in some modes of progress,
while we have led the world In oth
ers. To say that we have In all re
spects the best government upon
earth Is to assume a great deal; but
to point out wherein any othei" nation
definitely has the better of us might
be Impossible. That government is
best which best promotes the general
welfare and sacrifices least the com
mon weal to the privilege of classes.
It Is probably fair to say that ours
meets this test at least as well as any
other now In existence; and it follows
that Washington did the. country a
real service by ridding it once and for
all of the possibility of a hereditary
dynasty. There is still talk of the
beauty and desirability of a King In
the United States, but if, is thin and in
sincere for the most part. The mod
ern King is apt to be the servant tof
his people, and what our scattered
monarchists want is a King who will
help them plunder. Their ideal is too
antiquated to be worth serious discussion.
OUR AWFUL WOMEN.
A certain "Discreet Frenchman" has
an article In the current Saturday
Evening Post on "The American Boss."
By American boss he means American
woman. He believes that women in
America domineer too much and that
the manner of their rule is bad, for, in
his opinion, they are like spoiled chil
dren. .The author of the article Is not
a Frenchman, as one easily decides
from his literary style; and he is not
discreet, as one still" more easily de
cides from what he says. But the article
is interesting and mbre or less In
structive. Involuntarily he presents
the foreign view of woman which is
that of a plaything for the nobler sex,
and contrasts it with the American
view, which Is that woman Is a human
being with the same rights to dispose
of her person and property that men
have. Of course, as a Frenchman,
either real or pretended, the writer in
the Post means by "woman" the dwell
ers in marble halls who have nothing
to do but make themselves attractive
to men. The numerous multitude of
inferior human females who find it
necessary to work for a living are en
tirely beneath his consideration.
Contrasting women of fashion in
America with those in France, he
awards the palm to the latter. He ad
mits that ours are better educated,
but in his opinion that Is not much of
a merit, for a fine lady is all the finer
the less she knows. One would not
Imagine that women of fas.iton either
In America or anywhere else know
enough to hurt them materially, but,
Inasmuch as In France their heads are
emptier than they are here, French
women are more to be adored. They
are better conversationalists, ho
thinks; and this is quite likely. Since
fashionable conversation consists in
the repetition of idiocies, the less one
knows the better he can carry it on.
So far as pure intellect goes, he be
lieves that French women surpass all
the rest of mankind. What they have
ever done to display this amazing in
tellect, except to amuse their lords and
masters, is not manifest. France has
produced one or two women writers
of rank, and half a dozen who have
acquired adventitious fame because
they happened to live in the period of
the Revolution. French actresses also
have unsurpassed merit, though not
more than the Italians. But for genu
ine Intellect there are several Euro
pean nations whose women' are far
ahead of the Trench. England has
produced a score of eminent women
where France has produced one,
while Norwegians, Russians and espe
cially Poles, of the educated class, out
rank them easily. But by "Intellect"
the writer In the Post probably means
the power to amuse men. In this re
spect one concedes the palm to the
gay and festive Parisienne.
The "DiBcreet Frenchmen" decides
that the evil eminence of women in
America is caused by our excessive
'Chivalry." Just what he means by
this is not clear. If the habit of mak
ing them work eighteen hours a day
to earn bread for their children Is
chivalry, one can agree that we have
too much of It. If the attitude of the
New York court which decided that '
they must toil night as well as day to
grind out profits for their syndicated
owners Is chivalrous, we agree that
some modification would be an excel
lent thing. If the practice of forcing
them to do a man's work for half a
man's pay Is chivalrous, things might
be improved by dispensing with that
also. His charge that women run
their husbands' business In this coun
try Is absurdly contrary to fact. The
French woman is notoriously a better
hand In business than the American.
She knows, as a rule, a great deal
more about what is going on ift indus
try and commerce. One of the glar
ing defects of American women Is
their exasperating ignorance of prac
tical affairs. One could forgive their
ungraceful corsets, which so horrify
the "Discreet Frenchman, if they
would take the trouble to learn ac
counting and the management of a
household.
The disconcerting fact Is that our
women, in their haste to be educated.
after ages of Intellectual serfdom, have
made, precisely the same mirtake as
the negroes. They mistook the husks
of classicism, the rags and tatters of
the ancient college curriculum, for
education, and wasted a vast amount
of energy In acquiring knowledge
which was not only utterly useless, but
which unfitted them for the part they
have to play In a democratic nation.
If our women are spoiled children. It
Is because their education has spoiled
them, on the one hand, and because
the equally senseless education of our
men has made matters worse. Men in
this country are taught, as far as may
be, to treat women like simpletons.
Just as Europeans do; but with this
fascinating ideal is mingled, tne demo
cratic notion that they are, after all.
human beings with human rights. The
mixture of the incongruous concep
tions produces that queer creature
which excites -the "Discreet French
man's" admiration and regret.
The American people moves awk
wardly In a wprld full of Incongruities.
In government it has tried to harmon
ize the Ideas of oligarchy and pure
democracy. It tries to govern cities
as If they were great empires. It
tries to keep up with the world's prog
ress while it Is cribbed and confined in
the iron bands of an inflexible consti
tution. It tries to treat women like
rational beings and like creatures of
the harem at the same time. The re
sult is a strange mixture of mistakes,
cruelties and glorious victories, with
an inevitable trend toward a social
condition where all the discords shall
be resolved Into the purest harmony
the human race has ever experienced.
Fusion is a device of rmliHrlnna tr
get office. It waji aa in rtroovin I 1 -
bo everywhere. Hearst has no polit
ical principles mat no is not willing to
bargain away for some Immediate
personal or political advantage; and
young Mr. Parsons, the local Republi
can boss in Nw York, is minded the
same way. So they have Joined the
Republican ox and the Independence
League ass in a team to pull the pat
ronage wagon to a corrupt and shame-
1 ful victory. Better things were ex
pected of Mr. Parsons; worse has not
often been done by Mr. Hearst. Hearst
is for Tammany or against It, for the
Democracy of Bryan or against it, for
the plutocrats or against them. Just as
the occasion seems to demand; but
he's alwayB for Hearst. Yet it was
hardly to be expected that he would
go into any kind of open deal with
the New York Republican machine.
But those who are surprised at It evi
dently didn't know Hearst.
Two battleships, the Connecticut
and the Virginia, have been equipped
with wireless telephones. The object
is not to supersede, but to supplement,
the wireless telegraph. It is said that
if time suffices for the work, all of the
ships that are to start in December
for the Pacific Ocean will be fitted
with these devices. It has been dem
onstrated that ships equipped with the
wireless telegraph, but not with wire
less telephone apparatus, could pick
up and hear distinctly though utiliza
tion of ordinary telephone receivers
what was said In the transmitter of
the telephone aboard another ship.
Words have been heard in transmis
sion this way a distance of twenty
two miles. Imagination in regard to
future development through the subtle
forces that pervade the air is lost in
wonder. Let us incline a . patient ear
while astronomers speculate concern
ing the topography of Mars and the
possible inhabitants of that planet. In
the broad realm of discovery It is im
possible to tell what a year will bring
forth, much less what news a century
will bring of things and peoples now
unknown.
Emperor Francis Joseph, of Austria-Hungary,
is an aged man and a
man of many domestic sorrows and
bitter personal disappointments. His
only son. Crown Prince. Rudolph,
came to a shameful death some years
ago In an obscure hunting lodge in a
Pomeranian forest; his wife. Empress
Elizabeth, was later assassinated
while traveling in -Switzerland. His
nephew, Ferdinand, heir presumptive
to the throne. Is not popular In Aus
tria, still less In Hungary, and the
frail and failing life of the Emperor,
who Is well beloved of his subjects,
alone stands for a continuation In its
present form of the government of
Austria-Hungary. In the full knowl
edge of this. Francis Joseph clings to
life, yet without prospect that his ten
ure will be prolonged for even a day.
Sympathy for the aged and stricken
ruler is genuine and universal, not
only throughout Europe, but through
out the civilized world.
There Is Justice in the request of
the schoolteachers of Portland for in
crease of their salaries, at least for
this year of high prices. Subsequent
years can take care of themselves. It
ought not to be forgotten, however, in
these times of increase of all salaries
for persons paid by the 'public that
the cost of living has been Increased
as much for the taxpayers as for oth
ers, and the cost of doing business
likewise. It is not merely the wage
earner to whom the cDst of living has
been increased. Every person who
employs labor or does business feels it
in equal degree. And taxes have gone
up in the same proportion. Yet it is
only fair that our schoolteachers
should get pay commensurate with
their labor and skill.
Colonel Henry Watterson, one of the
staunchest of Democrats, nevertheless
is awfully Independent. You will find
him still writing what he thinks. Few
persons would discover close similar
ity between Cleveland and Bryan; but
Watterson sees It; and he writes about
it. thus:
Nothing could be mora transparent than
the crafty selfishness of Mr. Cleveland's
character and proceeding, and nothing more
obvious than Mr. Bryan's character and pro
ceeding; each of them working relentlessly
his Interest and his will upon the party,
giving nothing and getting everything; the
first, two terms in the White House, to
leave the party almost In total shipwreck;
the second, his own enrichment directly out
f his candidacy and his leadership; neither
willing to make the smallest sacrifice of self
common gooq; is it not wonderful?
Harriman is unfathomable. With
more business than his roadsevery
one of them can handle, he puts out
a retrenchment order. It is adver
tised like a circus. Next day, as
might have been expected, all his
stocks take a big slump. Does any
one who has watched the career of
this remarkable Wall-street operator
suppose that the "Inner circle" of
which he Is the master spirit is going
to lose anything in the present scram
ble? When the doctors begin to make
their rounds of the public schools,
the troubles of the teachers will begin.
Irate parents will be on hjand early
and often to claim exemption of their
children from inspection and threat
ening the unoffending teachers with
dire penalties in case Tommy's tongue
is looked at or Mary's temperature is
taiten. no wonder, in view of these
possibilities, that teachers ask for a
20 per cent Increase in wages.
The Clrckamas County Fair is her
alded as a grand success agricultur
ally, hortlculturally. Industrially and
financially. Added to the products of
farm and orchard, dairy and stock
yard, was the domestic product dear
to the heart of President Roosevelt
the blessed babies of many favored
homes. The festival properly closed
with an exhibit of this last product.
When wooden wharves are sup
planted by concrete and' steel 'struc
tures, the one danger of Portland be
ing swept by Are will be removed.
As one compensation for the incon
venience of small blocks In the busi
ness district there is the distinct ad
vantage of ability to surround any fire
with extinguishing apparatus.
No charge of faking will ever attach
to Chicago's notable victory. And be
cause the sport is free from taint Is
one reason for Its steadily growing
hold on the American people.
What a harvest might have been
reaped by the men who salted th
Red Canyon mines If they had taken
an unsuspecting public into their con
fidence. What the Oregon Savings Bank de
positors demand from the Golden
Eagle Is payment of its debt, not with
paper, but in golden eagles.
If Detroit is really in need of sym
pathy, Portland can furnish a gen
erous supply. .
COMMENT ON VARIED OREGON TOPICS
Woman as Nature's Blunder.
HY ARE women 6o queer in love
affairs? Why do they spurn
this man because, h vd,..
tall hat and that man because he wears
none? The magic has cropped out in
Lane County. Hear the. Lowell cor
respondent of the Eugene XJuard tell
about It:
Mrs. Maggie Cain has her new dwelling
house furnished and moved Into It the dav
she was 4n years old. Mac Crow donned
his slippers, his broadcloth suit and his
two-story plug hat. and wanted to take her
to the skating rink; but no. she would
rather enjoy the pleasure of her own house
and did not go. so Mr. Crow had to
skate alone.
Now. what do you think of that? A
woman refusing to go to me skating
rink! Did anybody ever hear the like
out in the country? Well, Mac. we
have in mind for your solace a cele
brated veree of Hoods, towlt:
Oh. Nelli, Gray- Oh. Nellie Gray!
How could you use me so.
I've suffered many a breexe before.
But never such a blow.
The women folks are mighty queer,
that's a fact. Each is only one of Na
ture's agreeable blunders. It's her na
ture to fake.
BY THE way, we were once told of
an ancient Latin simile that fits her
and might warn Mac. It ran some
thing like this: "Let a man who wishes
to find abundance of employment, pro
cure a woman and a ship; for no two
things produce more trouble, if you
begin to equip them. Neither are these
two things equipped enough, nor Is
the largest amount of equipment suf
ficient for them."
Better look out. Mac, for that two
story plug hat and the broadcloth.
Whenever a woman declines to go to
the skating rink, Mac, she is simply
whetting you up to go after her again.
So be devilish sly.
Tp Santlam's Forks.
DAYS ARE gone when we "Summer"
at the beach, or in the mountains, or
"Sunday" with our wife and children.
But what do you think of tht
ment of the Sclo News prior to the
Linn County Fair at that place? "We
can eat any number of people, but can
sleep comparatively onlv a few."
If we were timid, we'd steer clear of
bclo, or. If bloodthirsty, would guide our
enemies tnat way, provided we believed
Scio could "eat anv number nf nennu "
But we don't believe it. Of all the tales
that have come down from the forks of
the Ban t lam, we never heard anything
Parrots Instead of Divorce.
T TAKES all manner of folk to nukt
I up this humdrum world. Here we
have a Linn County man suing for di
vorce necause his wife lets mnntho
even years go by without speaking to
mm, wnile over in Freewater iwhifh i
in "Bunchgrass") J. B. Miller, according
to the Times, has "made his wife a
present of a parrot of the Mexican Red
Head variety, of beautiful plumage and
learning to talk, though its vocabulary
is at present confined to one or two
phrase." Just there is where the Al
bany man missed It. The aching void in
his heart and love might have been
filled by "one or two phrases" from a
red-headed bird. "You bald-headed old
reprobate, ha, ha, .ha!" strongly nasal,
or, "Here, you, I want some money
m-o-n-e-y, yah!" slightly falsetto, would
by constant Iteration have shown the
wife the folly of Bilence.
. If It did not border on contempt of
court. The Oregonian would suggest a
decree that ordered the purchase of a
parrot rather than a dissolution of the
bond.
School-Book Paradise.
HAPPINESS at last has come to
Forest Grove parents who hv
schoolbooks. The following from the
limes, or tnat city, signed bv a dealnr.
is witness: "On and after this day, no
more school books, stationery, maga
zines, sheet music and other small goods
will be sold only for cash."
Isn't that dandy? Perhaps some day
Portland dealers will become nrogreaslva
enough to refuse to sell only for cash.
Then we'll all get credit. Hasten the
day. Shake, Forest Grove. Did the text
book commission do it for you?
Mr. Hume No Scotchman.
WE ARE relieved to know that the
native soil of R. D. Hume. Rogue's
salmon king. Is Maine, not Scotland. It
is a comfort to learn that Mr. TTnm
does not belong to the foreign element,
as that at Astoria, which- he has been
denouncing with the implacable stubborn
ness or a Scotchman. There are alto
gether too many nationalities chasing the
salmon Swede, German, Chinese, Jap,
Indian, Finn, Irish, and what not. To
cap the climax, the Master Fish Warden
oa tries a Dutch name.
No wonder the poor salmon have so
hard a time of.it. We are indebted to
the Port Orford Tribune for the following:
"It seems very hard for some of our edi
tors to learn that Hon. R. T. Hume Is
a Yankee, born in the state of Maine, of
Scotch ancestry. They are bound to
make him out a foreigner, willy-nilly."
Our thanks to Mr. Hume for saving the
salmon from the Scotch. Now, If we
could only get rid of the Swedes. Ger
mans, Chinese, Japs, Indians, Finns and
Irish, the salmon might live. Mr. Hume
has gons back to Maine on a visit. When
he returns we shall ask him If the na
tionalities still live on tho Kennebec.
Learning the Ways of Franchises.
OREGON has a streetcar drawn by
horses, in the town of Klamath
Falls. One day the horses frighted at an
auto and ran the car off the track. Now
a new set of wheels has been put under
the car, because the old flanges were so
badly worn as to let the car leave tha
track. This la the first experience of
Klamath Falls with a public service cor
poration. Wait till it gets a gas com
pany. A horsecar lino may then seem
fast enough.
No Guns, No Murder.
THE town of Joseph, Wallowa County,
is a trifle more civilized than nm
others, if the order of the Marshal
against carrying firearms is a test.
"When you come to town," advises the
Herald, "be sure to take vonr vim ntr
If you carry one. The penalty for carry
ing weapons wiu be severe."
A wise guard against nnvritianjan.
slaying and other forms of mnM- re
Juries will not convict, it Is well to pre
vent crime.
Advertising That Doesn't Pay.
DOES Fred Mulkey know where' to
call and settle up? If he has for
gotten the editor of the Weston Leader,
the following may sharpen his mem
ory. It is insinuating, suggestive, ar
tistic: "The Leader Is unhappy to make the
acquaintance of Mr. Fred W. Mulkey,
candidate for United States Senator,
through the medium of a dinky calen
dar bearing his phiz and setting forth
his aspirations. Mr. Mulkey looks all
right he has a fine, fat face and a
broad brow; but he ought to know that
calendar advertising is a back; number.
It belongs to the days when Thotmes
III made, royal proclamation by means
of a jackknlte and a splinter from the
sphinx's nose that he was ace high,
with a brace of pyramids to draw to.
Now If Mr. Mulkey will only use the
Leader's advertising columns wo can
assure him that he will get next to
the people. He believes in Statement
No. 1 and Indorses Theodore Roosevelt,
but it Is only thrflugh our charity
not through his 3x6 pasteboard calen
dar that fiese admirable principles
are made known to tho public."
Friends, we deem the editor of the
Leader In every sense a patriot. Then
why should he not tell the people about
a good thing free, when he finds it?
Suppose editors had to pay for adver
tising when they seek Postmaster Jobs?
Wouldn't they rather get off cheap,
too?
Avoirdupois Statesmanship.
DID you ever atop to think about the
heavy statesmanship of Oregon's pol
iticians? No? Well, it will do you good
It has fallen to the lot of the outermost
corner of Oregon Port Orford. in Curry
County to bring up this vital subject.
The Tribune, of that spot, picks out the
heaviest, the one whom Mother Earth
draws strongest to her bosom fwith a
force of 235 pounds) Congressman Haw
ley, then it adds, "with his splendid nat
ural powers, he will make his way to the
front in any calling, and we shall be
proud of him as our Congressman."
The world loves a fat man rather than
a lean one. Casslus, be it remembered.
had a lean and hungry look, and has
been execrated since. Be fat, and the
world looks fat to you; be lean, ttnu tho
world affords poor picking. Is this why
Oregon's office-holders and candidates
nearly all are heavyweights? If an In
ventory were taken of their avoirdupois
the net pounds would 'be approximately
as follows: Ellis, -225; Mulkey, 200; Geer,
185; Cake, 175; Fulton, 180: Bourne, 170;
Chamberlain, 170; Steel. 190; Benson, 160;
Lane, 155, and Manning, ISO.
- The only Important exception to this
rule Is that of Mrs. Woodcock. But tho
exception only proves tho rule. Mrs.
Woodcock Is only a member of tho "Na
tional." She has never held office.
Earth's Meanest Brute.
AKIN to a dynamiter in loathesomo
ness is the meanest brute on ear....
The Prairie City Miner claims to have
discovered him, or rather his trick. He
"bespattered M. Durkhelmer's store walls
and windows with tar."
In Washington County, the Forest
Grove Times reports that he "broke into
tho old livery stable, killed Topsy, the
pet dog of the Schultz family, took tho
body from tho building, akinned it and
cast it In tho street."
In Klamath County tho meanest brute
is stealing tho chickens of thrifty house
wives, according to tho Klamath -falls
Express.
In Douglas County he has been stealing
Burnett's cabbage, says the Drain Non
pareil. In Benton a Philomath correspondent
reports him shooting turkeys on the
Wyatt ranch.
In Marlon several of them, as Juveniles,
"made night hideous recently, by swear
ing, vulgar language, shooting and yell
ing," says tho Gervals Star.
Now by what conjunction of planets do
you suppose tho meanest brute has been
made so busy? Wonder if ho would don
female garb to trap a Mayor?
Taxpayers Hard to Please.
BECAUSE Columbia County's tax as
sessment has been trebled, many
propertyowners are displeased. The
Rainier Reviek chides them, saying:
"They can readily see that if there la an
Increase of 300 per cent, they will still
pay no more than last year." Why
should taxpayers be so sceptical? To be
sure, tho theory does not work out else
where, but Columbia County taxeatera
are probably an uncommonly good lot.
. Federal Jobs and Autos.
SHOULD a postmaster, whan rich
enough to buy a iO-horse power I24O0
auto, still keep feeding at tho public
trough, or should ha move off and give
other patriots a chance? This question
arises from tho auto purchase of G. M.
Richey, postmaster of La. flron nh
recently startled the natives by return-
ins iium a nrontns visit In Portland
With a BCOOt wagon. If we, vara in
Mr. Richey's offense, wo should call It
unDecoming a patriot and a friend of tho
boys not his auto miniaaa tint hi.
of tho office. Thero are numberless
Doys wao need not autos, but Jobs.
AIl-Nlght Courtship.
PROM far away Lake County comes
the tale of a young man who called
on his beloved Sunday afternoon, eat
with her until mother and father went
to bed at 10 P. M., and still sat when
mother rose at 6 A. M. "She is now won
dering whether the young man stayed
there all night talking to the girl, or was
Just an early caller," says the Silver
Lake Leader.
This reminds us of a pioneer story of
a man who, as was customary in those
days for suitors that came a long dis
tance to call, stayed all night This par
ticular suitor evidently was not used to
tho salutation "good morning," or was
embarrassed, because when the old folks
greeted him with "good morning.'' he
stammered, "Why, I stayed hero all
night."
How Feels a Colt?
WHAT does a young colt feel like?
P. B. Howard, according to the
Prlneville Journal, feels like one, mean
ing his health Is Improved to that extent.
But there are others who are not im
proved by feeling like members of tho
equine species. The kickers are a fair
example. It Is fair to add that the kick
ers resemble not young colts, but another ,
breed which, as Colonel Nesmith used to
say, has neither pride of ancestry nor
hope of posterity. Laud a man. as a
colt; rail him as a mule.